Star Trek scriptwriting

nyarlothothep

Inspired by the other thread, I just thought it would be cool to post examples of awful or amazing examples of Star Trek scriptwriting.

Myrddin

TNG - Where Silence Has Lease

Wesley Crusher: "Sir, if its a hole in space...shouldn't we be able to see whats on the other side?"

Myrddin

"When you touch these engines, your touching me Geordi"

IvySlayer

There's coffee in that nebula...

TheIrishGrover

"Get the hell out of our galaxy"...... no wait.... "Talynn, starburst"......

"Oh... Oh, it's me... Isn't it? I'm the someone. I'm the one it finds." from "The Inner Light" I know it's not an iconic line (Like the "Pale Moonlight" monologue) but it gets me every time when Kamin realises he's Picard. Love it

Myrddin

IvySlayer wrote: »

There's coffee in that nebula...

/thread :pac:

Goldstein

*Opens Abramstrek can of worms*

"129 years from now, a star wil explode and threaten to destroy the galaxy." - Supposed real (Former science officer) Spock

"You understand what the Federation is, don't you? It's important. It's a peacekeeping and humanitarian armada." - Captain Pike

"I was tracking solar systems" - Uhura

"The purpose is to experience fear. Fear in the face of certain death." - Spock explaining the purpose of a perfectly harmless artificial test.

"Divert auxilliary power from port nacelles to forward shields" - Captain Pike

"You should see this. It looks like a lightning storm."
4 seconds later
"Still out of visual range". - Bridge officers

"Klingon warbirds" - Uhura

"Come too, you're not even supposed to be on the ship."
minutes later
"Kirk, I'm promoting you to first officer." -Captain Pike
minutes later
"Get him off this ship." - Spock talking about the ship's new first officer.

Leaving you with probably the most stupid line of the movie and that's really saying something:
"If we drop out of warp behind one of Saturn's moons, say Titan, The magnetic distortion from the planet's rings will make us invisible to Nero's sensors?" - Chekov

Myrddin

Goldstein wrote: »

Klingon warbirds

Is this from the JJ film? Arn't the old D5/D7's sometimes referred to as Warbirds?

Goldstein

EnterNow wrote: »

Is this from the JJ film? Arn't the old D5/D7's sometimes referred to as Warbirds?

The original ship designs on TOS were intended to be the other way around if I remember correctly. At least in ST09 they got the D-7 battlecruisers right visually which was fun to see, then the script writers got the name wrong.

I'll leave it to Brannon Braga to sum up when he commented on a writing mistake in Enterprise's Broken Bow: "We made one mistake where in the pilot we called the Klingons' ships Warbirds, when in fact the Romulans use Warbirds and Klingons use the Bird-of-Prey."

Although while we're at it I remember an early TNG where either Geordie or Captain Picard used the term "solar system" on the bridge. :eek:

Kiith

Goldstein wrote: »

"129 years from now, a star wil explode and threaten to destroy the galaxy." - Supposed real (Former science officer) Spock

This was something i never got. I kind of always figured it was a metaphorical destruction of the galaxy, as in the balance of power shifts and throws the galaxy into chaos, rather then the supernova physically destroying the entire galaxy.

Cause that'd be absurd...even for Trek 09.

Myrddin

"If you were any other man, I would kill you where you stand"

Myrddin

Star Trek 3

"A heroes welcome is that what you want son? God knows there should be. This time we paid for the party with our dearest blood."

Always thought that was a great line

Indricotherium

"The war is going very badly for the Federation, much worse than is gennerally known. One ship won't make a difference today, but 22 years ago it might have stopped this war before it started."

From yesterdays Enterprise, It was on sciFI on Friday!! : )

A powerful line, really well delivered by P. Stewart.

StompToWork

"The Line must be drawn HEERE, this fah, no furthah!"

monkeypants

IvySlayer wrote: »

There's coffee in that nebula...

"Get the cheese to sickbay..."

Myrddin

Genuinely makes me laugh out loud every time I watch this segment. Right in the middle of the last stand, amongst a foreboding Cardassian dystopia, oppression on every corner, death everywhere & they stick this little gem right in the middle of it

Garak - We have a problem.
Kira - Just one?
Garak - I'm afraid it's a rather large problem, the cargo door is made of neutronium.
Kira - Then the explosives we brought...arn't even gonna make a dent?
Garak - You see the problem.

Soldier - What do we do?
Damar - I don't know. But I'm through hiding in basements!

Garak* chuckles/laughing

Damar - I fail to see what is so funny Garak!!

Garak - Wh...isn't it obvious? Here we are, ready to...storm the castle. Willing, to sacrifice our lives in a noble effort to slay the Dominion beast in its lair...and we can't even get inside the gates?

Garak, Kira & Soldier* begin to laugh uncontrollably

Kira - Maybe we could go up to the door, and ask the Jem Hadar to let us in? *still laughing uncontrollably

Damar - Or we just have them send the shapeshifter out to us!! *taking the laughter to a new high

Garak - Ahh as I said *laughter now deflating...we have a problem

monkeypants

Garak to Grathon Tolar (forger, In the Pale Moonlight) - "Why don't you wait in your quarters. I'll be along shortly to say...hello."

IvySlayer

Indricotherium wrote: »

"The war is going very badly for the Federation, much worse than is gennerally known. One ship won't make a difference today, but 22 years ago it might have stopped this war before it started."

From yesterdays Enterprise, It was on sciFI on Friday!! : )

A powerful line, really well delivered by P. Stewart.

I loved Picard in that episode, particularly his snapping at Riker :pac:

Let's make sure history never forgets....the name....Enterprise!

Myrddin

"You hit me! Picard would never have hit me!"

Goldstein

Picard owns Gul Dukat Macet in The Wounded.

Picard: "I was here to protect the peace. A peace that I firmly believe is in the interests of both our peoples. If I had attempted to board that ship I am quite certain that you and I would not be having this pleasant conversation, and that ships on both sides would now be arming for war. "

Gul Macet: "Captain, I assure you, -"

Picard: "Take this message to your leaders Gul Macet...we'll be watching."
*Swivels chair away*

Myrddin

"Tuvok, I understand, you are a Vulcan man.
You have just gone without, for seven years about.
Paris, please find a way, to load a hypospray.
I will give you the sign. Just aim for his behind.
Hormones are raging, synapses blazing,
It's all so very illogical.
Illogical. Illogical."

Genius stuff that But on the other hand...

"O Soave Fanciulla"

IvySlayer

Goldstein wrote: »

Picard owns Gul Dukat Macet in The Wounded.

Picard: "I was here to protect the peace. A peace that I firmly believe is in the interests of both our peoples. If I had attempted to board that ship I am quite certain that you and I would not be having this pleasant conversation, and that ships on both sides would now be arming for war. "

Gul Macet: "Captain, I assure you, -"

Picard: "Take this message to your leaders Gul Macet...we'll be watching."
*Swivels chair away*

Imagine if the chair did a 360 :pac:

Worf: I am a Klingon! If you doubt it, a demonstration can be arranged!!

Kurn: That is the response of a Klingon - the response I would expect... from my older brother

:eek:

GreenWolfe

Klingon religion, revealed:

"I suppose your gods are less vague?" -- Kira
"Our gods are dead. Ancient Klingon warriors slew them a millenium ago." -- Worf
"I guess I'll never understand Klingons." -- Kira
"Don't worry Major. Nobody does." ... [whispered] "They like it that way." -- O'Brien (Homefront)

Garak always manages to have a different spin on things:

(Bashir tells the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf)

GARAK: That's a bit graphic for a children's story, isn't it?

BASHIR: The point is, if you lie all the time, nobody's going to believe you - even when you're telling the truth.

GARAK: Are you sure that's the point doctor?

BASHIR: Yes, of course. What else would it be?

GARAK: That you should never tell the same lie twice!

I always enjoy watching any of the TNG Lwaxana Troi episodes, it always makes me laugh when she offends Worf:

WORF: Mrs. Troi, I must protest your unauthorized presence on the Bridge..

LWAXANA TROI: What does that little one do, Mister Woof?

WORF: Please, Madam! That is a torpedo launch initiator. And it, uh... it is Worf, Madam; not Woof.

Kirby

EarthlyPangaea wrote: »

GARAK: That's a bit graphic for a children's story, isn't it?

BASHIR: The point is, if you lie all the time, nobody's going to believe you - even when you're telling the truth.

GARAK: Are you sure that's the point doctor?

BASHIR: Yes, of course. What else would it be?

GARAK: That you should never tell the same lie twice!

Brilliant. Classic Garak. :P

Goldstein

IvySlayer wrote: »

Imagine if the chair did a 360 :pac:

Ha, Picard: "That was a test. We're still watching.".

GreenWolfe

Some more great Garak dialogue:

BASHIR: I can't believe you're not pressing charges.

GARAK: Constable Odo and Captain Sisko expressed a similar concern, but really, doctor, there was no harm done.

BASHIR: They broke seven of your transverse ribs and fractured your clavicle!

GARAK: Ah, but I got off several cutting remarks which no doubt did serious damage to their egos.

BASHIR: Garak, this isn't funny.

GARAK: I'm serious, doctor! Thanks to your ministrations, I'm almost completely healed, but the damage I did to them will last a lifetime.

GARAK: Ah, yes. The Assassination of Proconsul Merrok of Romulus. Such a tragedy. I met him once, a few weeks before he died. I was working as a gardener at the Cardassian embassy.

ODO: You were a gardener on Romulus?

GARAK: My specialty was Edosian Orchids. Beautiful yet highly toxic.

ODO: As I recall, Proconsul Merrok was poisoned.

GARAK: Funny, I don't remember that. But then again so many Romulan dignitaries died unexpectedly that year.

GARAK: I've locked him in his quarters. I've also left him with the distinct impression that if he attempts to force open the door, it may... explode.

SISKO: I hope that's just an impression.

GARAK: It's best not to dwell on such minutiae.

Kiith

Nog: Can you believe it? They made me an ensign
O'Brien: I didn't realize things were going so bad

Quark: If we get boarded, i intend to defend my bar, with this
(holds up box)
Odo: A box?
Quark: No, what's inside the box.
(Odo opens box)
Odo: "Dear Quark, i had to borrow parts from your disruptor to fix the replicator. I'll return it as soon as i can. Your brother, Rom."
Quark: What!? That idiot...i'll kill him!
Odo: With what?

O'Brien: And it's from the heart. I really do...not hate you anymore.

Worf: Congratulations, you are now fully dilated to ten centimeters. You can now give birth.

And finally

Picard: I should have done this a long time ago.
Troi: You were always welcome sir.
Picard: Five card stud, nothing wild. Aand the skies the limit

Myrddin

"Open way....open way long"
"Major larks true pepper!"

IvySlayer

If there's nothing wrong with me, maybe there's something wrong with the universe!

syklops

Can't believe no-one has posted



"Khaaaaaan!





yet.

helimachoptor

From the Tomolok Ep

T: First you will surrender the traitor Jarrok and then you will surrender as prisoners of war

P: Do you seriously expect me to accept those terms

T: No Captain, I expect you wont. You have 30 seconds to decide.

P: I do not require 1

T: I urge you Captain Picard, surrender. Cosider the men and women you would lead into a lost cause

... really dramatic music followed by a fantastic grin from Picard

P: If the cause is just an honoruable, they are prepared to give their lives.
Are YOU prepared to die today Tomolok.

T: I expected more from you than an idle threat Puicard.

P: Then you shall have it!

Worf: Klingon Warhsips armed and ready..

T: You will still not survive our assault

P: And you will not survive ours


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOXT22Ghouw


Frankly the last 5-10 minutes of that episode is amazing

Myrddin

The Defector, love that ep :cool:

Goldstein

Voy: In the flesh. The one where they ruin Species 8472 in such an utterly proposterous manner that one can only assume it was on purpose.

They'd shown a hint of thinking outside the usual confines of the Voyager writing box when they came up with 8472 (Fluidic space, the bioships, no verbal communication, undertones of "evil") but to humanise them both literally and figuratively rendered all their malevolance and uniqueness impotent. All it was missing was the crew holding hands with a load of 8472s singing Kumbaya around a campfire. I'd forgotten just how ridiculously bad that one was. In terms of lazy, wreckless and destructive writing this one has to be one of Voyager's biggest sins.

Kirby

Goldstein wrote: »

In terms of lazy, wreckless and destructive writing this one has to be one of Voyager's biggest sins.

Warp 10 lizard babies says hello. :P

nyarlothothep

Goldstein wrote: »

Voy: In the flesh. The one where they ruin Species 8472 in such an utterly proposterous manner that one can only assume it was on purpose.

They'd shown a hint of thinking outside the usual confines of the Voyager writing box when they came up with 8472 (Fluidic space, the bioships, no verbal communication, undertones of "evil") but to humanise them both literally and figuratively rendered all their malevolance and uniqueness impotent. All it was missing was the crew holding hands with a load of 8472s singing Kumbaya around a campfire. I'd forgotten just how ridiculously bad that one was. In terms of lazy, wreckless and destructive writing this one has to be one of Voyager's biggest sins.

Imo species 8472 were Alien rip-offs. The writers were going for something scary in order to replicate the borg effect but just went with the lazy big alien-esque monsters look.

Myrddin

nyarlothothep wrote: »

Imo species 8472 were Alien rip-offs. The writers were going for something scary in order to replicate the borg effect but just went with the lazy big alien-esque monsters look.

Agreed. Tasked with introducing an alien 'even more powerful than the Borg', the results were, shall we say, pitiful They were onto something with fluidic space, but as above, once it went to them disguising themselves as humans (done already with DS9/Changeling's), & Janeway making deals with 8472 etc...the concept was already ruined

Goldstein

Kirby wrote: »

Warp 10 lizard babies says hello. :P

Ya, that one's top of the tree alright.
To be fair they all have their fair share of stupid going on: Spock's brain, Move Along Home, Up the Long Ladder, Justice, Rogue Planet, Sub Rosa etc. Luckily most of the time these were just one off brain-fart episodes and didn't have any detrimental impact on the series in general.

Rawr

Khan: He tasks me. He tasks me and I shall have him! I'll chase him 'round the moons of Nibia and 'round the Antares Maelstrom and 'round perdition's flames before I give him up!

(Classic stuff, although they did lift most of that from Moby Dick )

mr lee

t'pol to her baby;mother's here

Kirby

Fathers not.

Coz they killed him.....for no reason.

mr lee

in fairness the last episode of enterprise was a complete farce