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Papal Conclave - Place Your Bets!

  • 12-03-2013 11:49am
    #1
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭


    So, the Cardinals have gathered for breakfast rolls and will soon start the voting for the next pope. :)

    Should be interesting over the next few days to see what happens. Here's your chance to show you're in cahoots with the Holy Spirit and know in your soul who next in line for the big job.

    Cast your vote!

    Who will be the next Pope? 95 votes

    Archbishop Angelo Scola (Italy)
    0%
    Cardinal Odilo Scherer (Brazil)
    14%
    jdpHBenny_CakeNewaglishkippyShagNastiiNapoleonInRagsseligehgitRayMsekllyThe RookMillypennypassremarkablepostitnote 14 votes
    Cardinal Peter Turkson (Ghana)
    7%
    neacy69sinkrobryanSebBerkovichUDPDraydis80DublinBeaker 7 votes
    Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone (Italy)
    20%
    BeruthielDadesArciphelCorkfeenDoc_SavageIckle Magooforce elevenMajorMaxMegastarCelly Smuntsbsquarepantsms horatioFouxDaFaFaGalway K9BloodwingPhoenixParkerkeelanj69Glenn CocoPlay To Kill 19 votes
    Cardinal Marc Ouellet (Canada)
    7%
    The BusterPennThreeBlindMicekylithBannasidheReal Lifehochiquinn 7 votes
    Cardinal Sean O'Malley (United States)
    3%
    ZaphKnasherallthedoyles 3 votes
    Cardinal Christoph Schonborn (Austria)
    8%
    youcancallmeal[Deleted User]DeppBonavoxJackobyteFits MorrisCork boy 55sanjo 8 votes
    Father Jack (Craggy Island)
    2%
    Asiaprodaidan24326 2 votes
    John Waters (Craggier Island)
    23%
    rainbow kirbythe_barfly1Robxxx7stevejazzxShenshenchallengemasterGeliojohndoe99NodinwhatdoicareThink_then_talkwenchVanishingActskingcobrasteirishroverSilverScreenObliqMister JinglesDietsquirtN64 22 votes
    Dana (Norn Iron)
    8%
    Dinnerachtungbarrybreadmondfitz0eviltwineuropa11wp_ratheadPopePalpatine 8 votes
    Cardinal Atari Jaguar (Yore Ma)
    5%
    SarkyCanis LupusGenghiz CohenNiskaDelirium 5 votes


«1345

Comments

  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone (Italy)
    Come on lazy Dades, give us the top 10 favourites!

    I'm taking the outside bet of Peter There Are no Gays in Ghana Turkson.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,205 ✭✭✭Benny_Cake


    Cardinal Odilo Scherer (Brazil)
    Angelo Scola to take it back for the Italians.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone (Italy)
    Beruthiel wrote: »
    Come on lazy Dades, give us the top 10 favourites!
    It's like I was still getting dressed and my guests had already arrrived!
    (Awkward the thread appearing while the poll still being made...)

    Should be enough options there... public poll beware! :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,218 ✭✭✭✭Bannasidhe


    Cardinal Marc Ouellet (Canada)
    I'm backing Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone for 2 reasons.
    I) He's Italian
    II) Run To will implode if Bertone wins as he will be unable to come in here and say 'told ya so....' :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    I kind of want one of the Italians to take it and call himself Pope Peter VIII

    It means the CTers will have an absolute meltdown about Malachy's prophecy.

    Angelo Scola appears to be a suitably mysogynist backwards bigot. He should be well able to pick up where Benny left off on the work of destroying the RCC.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,265 ✭✭✭Seifer


    This is a weird thread for an atheist to start...

    Pay it the attention it deserves.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone (Italy)
    Beruthiel wrote: »
    I'm taking the outside bet of Peter There Are no Gays in Ghana Turkson.
    I'm also thinking him for an outside bet.

    Hard to bet against the Italians playing at home, though. :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,205 ✭✭✭Benny_Cake


    Cardinal Odilo Scherer (Brazil)
    Bannasidhe wrote: »
    I'm backing Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone for 2 reasons.
    I) He's Italian
    II) Run To will implode if Bertone wins as he will be unable to come in here and say 'told ya so....' :D

    His final post in Prison alluded to a blog which is probably what he should have had all along. Tarcisio is an anagram of Iscariot, but we just wouldn't listen!

    Pope Atari Jaguar sounds good, there hasn't been a 64-bit pope before.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 796 ✭✭✭TheBunk1


    Reminded me of this..

    Fr. Andy Riley,
    Fr. Desmond Coyle,
    Fr. George Byrne,
    Fr. David Nicholson,
    Fr. Declan Lynch,
    Fr. Ken Sweeney,
    Fr. Neil Hannon,
    Fr. Keith Cullen,
    Fr. Ciaran Donnelly,
    Fr. Mick McEvoy,
    Fr. Jack White,
    Fr. Henry Bigbigging,
    Fr. Hank Tree,
    Fr. Hiroshima Twinkie
    Fr. Stig Bubblecard,
    Fr. Johnny Hellzapoppin’ ,
    Fr. Luke Duke,
    Fr. Billy Ferry,
    Fr. Chewy Louie,
    Fr. John Hoop,
    Fr. Hairycake Linehan,
    Fr. Rebulah Conundrum,
    Fr. Peewee Stairmaster,
    Fr. Jemima Racktool,
    Fr. Jerry Twig,
    Fr. Spodo Komodo,
    Fr. Cannabranna Lammer.
    Fr. Todd Unctious


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,007 ✭✭✭kksaints


    http://www.paddypower.com/bet/current-affairs/pope-betting?ev_oc_grp_ids=1178744

    If you want to try actual betting on it. I'll stick to Cheltenham thank you very much. 17 markets available on it.


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  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 24,427 Mod ✭✭✭✭robindch


    Well, Religion News Service has been running an online knock-out competition -- called, strangely, "Sweet Sistine" -- and Ouellet of Canada and Onaiyekan of Nigeria are through to the finals!

    244725.jpg


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,036 ✭✭✭✭PopePalpatine


    Dana (Norn Iron)
    Gods-dammit, all of those missed usernames. :rolleyes:


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 18,184 ✭✭✭✭Lapin


    It would have to take a book on the next Pope to distract me from the opening day of the Cheltenham Festival.


    Dawkins is an interesting 666/1.:)

    No sign of Dana on the list.
    She wouldn't have a hope of becoming Papa anyway.
    She's far to conservative for the Church of Rome.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 962 ✭✭✭darjeeling


    Scola stumbles out of the blocks:
    Papal conclave: anti-mafia police raid offices in diocese of frontrunner
    Cardinals urged to overcome divisions at special mass shortly after detectives mount dawn raids in diocese of Angelo Scola (link)

    Turkson campaigns too openly for the job:
    Why Cardinal Turkson of Ghana won't be the next pope
    As Turkson slips out of the running, the Vatican's task is to choose a pope who does not believe his own propaganda (link)

    Other top tips for Pope pickers from the Graun's Pontifficator: Tagle of the Philippines, Dolan of New York

    I don't know who's going to win, but I'd like an accumulator on Baselios Isaac Cleemis Thottunkal for best name, best beard and best hat:

    250px-Baselios_Cardinal_Cleemis.jpg


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,824 ✭✭✭ShooterSF


    I'll have to go for Il Trap. He's old enough, very conservative (at least in team selections) and Italian. Also added benefit of him no longer coaching the Irish team :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,218 ✭✭✭✭Bannasidhe


    Cardinal Marc Ouellet (Canada)
    ShooterSF wrote: »
    I'll have to go for Il Trap. He's old enough, very conservative (at least in team selections) and Italian. Also added benefit of him no longer coaching the Irish team :D

    Pope Declan Kidney has a certain ring to it now that I think about it...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,723 ✭✭✭✭Penn


    Cardinal Marc Ouellet (Canada)
    Wait... Paypal Conclave?

    I don't think anyone on that list could successfully run Paypal tbh...


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 24,427 Mod ✭✭✭✭robindch


    FWIW, my money's on Scola or Dolan if they choose hardline, or Ravasi if they don't.

    A quick search on a domain registry shows that the "www.popeXXXX.com" domains are already taken for these guys, but as of half an hour ago, some of the .net's, .org's, .info's etc weren't -- surprised to see that the the catholic church left something as obvious as that slip :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,232 ✭✭✭Brian Shanahan


    What, no love for the Special One?

    Seriously, it's Mourinho all the way for me.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,723 ✭✭✭✭Penn


    Cardinal Marc Ouellet (Canada)
    BATMAN!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    Cardinal Atari Jaguar (Yore Ma)
    Dana has sacrificed every shred of humanity and decency she ever had in the name of becoming a hardline religious nutbag. I'll bet she had a langer grafted on for good measure, such is her hatred of women and their rights. Gotta be Dana. She'd be perfect.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,840 ✭✭✭intellectual dosser


    robindch wrote: »
    Well, Religion News Service has been running an online knock-out competition -- called, strangely, "Sweet Sistine" -- and Ouellet of Canada and Onaiyekan of Nigeria are through to the finals!

    The Irish are calling foul with both their hopefuls paired in the first round.

    Stinks of corruption!


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone (Italy)
    robindch wrote: »
    A quick search on a domain registry shows that the "www.popeXXXX.com" domains are already taken for these guys, but as of half an hour ago, some of the .net's, .org's, .info's etc weren't -- surprised to see that the the catholic church left something as obvious as that slip :)
    But doesn't every Pope get to choose a new, custom avatar once elected? :pac:

    For example, we know Razi choose "Benedict" because Face was his favourite A-Team character.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,877 ✭✭✭donspeekinglesh


    robindch wrote: »
    A quick search on a domain registry shows that the "www.popeXXXX.com" domains are already taken for these guys, but as of half an hour ago, some of the .net's, .org's, .info's etc weren't -- surprised to see that the the catholic church left something as obvious as that slip :)

    http://workbench.cadenhead.org/news/3712/predicting-next-popes-name


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 24,427 Mod ✭✭✭✭robindch


    darjeeling wrote: »
    I don't know who's going to win, but I'd like an accumulator on Baselios Isaac Cleemis Thottunkal for best name, best beard and best hat:
    Here he is again, swearing in on the bible -- there isn't an atheist option here -- and looking like he's raring to vote.

    Don't give him much of a chance as he's quite small and he doesn't look like he'll want to give up that black skullmop for Ratzinger's tasty red sunshader.

    244756.jpg


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone (Italy)
    No way they'll pick that guy. He looks like he was born in Muslania.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,578 ✭✭✭✭Turtwig


    Dades wrote: »
    No way they'll pick that guy. He looks like he was born in Muslania.

    Maybe he's actually an undercover Muslim trying to infiltrate Vatican ranks?:eek:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,218 ✭✭✭✭Bannasidhe


    Cardinal Marc Ouellet (Canada)
    Jernal wrote: »
    Maybe he's actually an undercover Muslim trying to infiltrate Vatican ranks?:eek:

    Too obvious.
    He's really a she.

    Pope Joan II. :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,578 ✭✭✭✭Turtwig


    Bannasidhe wrote: »
    Too obvious.
    He's really a she.

    Pope Joan II. :D

    Yeah, yeahhh you're right with all the facial hair we'd never have suspected that. Cunning Brilliance! Who was Joan the first though? :confused:


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,218 ✭✭✭✭Bannasidhe


    Cardinal Marc Ouellet (Canada)
    Jernal wrote: »
    Yeah, yeahhh you're right with all the facial hair we'd never have suspected that. Cunning Brilliance! Who was Joan the first though? :confused:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Joan.

    The RCC deny it ever happened or could possibly happen ever but it is within the realms of possibility when we consider the case of Dr James Barry http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Barry_(surgeon)#Early_life


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 962 ✭✭✭darjeeling


    Round 1, and the smoke is black. Non habemus papam.

    Something about this whole process keeps making me think of cats in boxes. What will we find when we unlock the doors?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,578 ✭✭✭✭Turtwig


    darjeeling wrote: »
    Round 1, and the smoke is black. Non habemus papam.

    Something about this whole process keeps making me think of cats in boxes. What will we find when we unlock the doors?

    Zombie kittens : The only way the cat can be technically alive but also dead.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,018 ✭✭✭legspin


    Jernal wrote: »
    Zombie kittens : The only way the cat can be technically alive but also dead.

    "Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious".

    PTerry - Greebo as Schroedinger's Cat


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone (Italy)
    darjeeling wrote: »
    Round 1, and the smoke is black. Non habemus papam
    Smoke released around the same time as coverage of Milan v Barca was starting.

    Coincidence? I don't think so. I definitely saw some black and red going in there this morning.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 24,427 Mod ✭✭✭✭robindch


    Jernal wrote: »
    Zombie kittens : The only way the cat can be technically alive but also dead.
    Do have a quantum pope at the moment ? The next guy is (almost certainly) one of the cardinals whom we know, but not which one -- so does this mean that our knowledge exist in a superposition of states? I'm uncertain.

    Anyhow, here's a video which explains how to become pope:



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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,940 ✭✭✭Corkfeen


    Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone (Italy)
    robindch wrote: »
    Do have a quantum pope at the moment ?

    A Quantum Pope! :eek: Waking up being trapped in the pope.......... But mass gains a catchy theme tune.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 962 ✭✭✭darjeeling


    robindch wrote: »
    Do have a quantum pope at the moment ?

    I thought that was Deepak Chopra?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,578 ✭✭✭✭Turtwig


    Dades wrote: »
    Smoke released around the same time as coverage of Milan v Barca was starting.

    Coincidence? I don't think so. I definitely saw some black and red going in there this morning.

    Every time there's been a Conclave and Barca are playing, Barca won 4-0. First God fires Benny and now He show's his blatant support for the Catalans.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,893 ✭✭✭allthedoyles


    Cardinal Sean O'Malley (United States)
    Going to back the Canadian Ouellet when the bookies open in the morning @ 8-1

    Because , I dont think it will be an Italian this time .

    Even though Scherer is Brazillian , he is also German - so he would be too controversial .

    Not going to be black pope for another 100 years at least .

    American pope would be controversial as well - me thinks .

    So its the Canadian Ouellet for me , even though I think he is too old @ 68 - he looks the part


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,737 ✭✭✭Asiaprod


    Father Jack (Craggy Island)
    It will probably go to an Italian, got to keep the power base close to home. Cant see them selecting a colored pope. I would go with Cardinal Christoph Schonborn as a good outsider.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 46,938 ✭✭✭✭Nodin


    John Waters (Craggier Island)
    Day 2 of the Pope Factor, and Cardinal Mahony feels his chance has gone from slim to none....
    The Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles is to pay out nearly $10m (£6.7m) to settle four cases of sexual abuse by a former priest, Father Michael Baker.
    Recently released files show Cardinal Roger Mahony knew the priest had abused but put him back into ministry, where he is alleged to have abused again.
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-21765850


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 965 ✭✭✭Doctor Strange


    darjeeling wrote: »
    I thought that was Deepak Chopra?

    Quantum pope, not hack with no understanding of the word quantum, who has also said science "stole" the word from him :rolleyes:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,201 ✭✭✭✭Pherekydes


    Lionel Messi must be very short odds now!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 962 ✭✭✭darjeeling


    papal-feud.jpg

    Scola 0, Sistach 4. The Lord moves in mysterious ways - or perhaps I just don't understand the offside rule.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 962 ✭✭✭darjeeling


    The Magic Chimney speaks again! Pope? Nope.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,218 ✭✭✭✭Bannasidhe


    Cardinal Marc Ouellet (Canada)
    darjeeling wrote: »


    Something about this whole process keeps making me think of cats in boxes. What will we find when we unlock the doors?

    I suppose a tragic carbon monoxide accident is too much to hope for :(


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,036 ✭✭✭✭PopePalpatine


    Dana (Norn Iron)
    The problem is, along with 115 men whom some of us will be glad to see the back of, there's the small matter of the catering staff inside too.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,218 ✭✭✭✭Bannasidhe


    Cardinal Marc Ouellet (Canada)
    The problem is, along with 115 men whom some of us will be glad to see the back of, there's the small matter of the catering staff inside too.

    A tragic mass food poisoning incident?

    :cool:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,560 ✭✭✭DublinWriter


    If Cardinal Peter Turkson is made the next pope then go buy canned goods and plenty of them.

    According to the Papal prophecies of St.Malachi the last Pope before the end of the world will be a 'Peter'.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,723 ✭✭✭✭Penn


    Cardinal Marc Ouellet (Canada)
    If Cardinal Peter Turkson is made the next pope then go buy canned goods and plenty of them.

    According to the Papal prophecies of St.Malachi the last Pope before the end of the world will be a 'Peter'.

    The prophecy could also mean any new Pope could take the Peter as his Papal name (eg. Pope Peter VIII), which means it could still relate to any of them.

    I'm buying canned goods anyway. Not because of the prophecy, I just really like tinned peaches.


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