pregnant lie

LegacyUser

Hi there. Going to go unreg for this one.
Any help or advice would be great because im getting so many different views around me.

Anyway my son doing junior cert this year stupidity lost his virginity in early Jan. I thought I drummed it into him to be careful and telling him all the STD and things thst can change his life so think before. Anyway a girl thats 17 that lives locally and him got friendly and had a once off.
At the time I decided he was to young and didnt think its right for any contact. So phone was taken away and internet gone. Harsh I know but its what I did for 4 weeks.
So fast forward to today and he gets a message on Facebook to say she's pregnant. He came to me shaking and crying. I told him we will sort this out. He was distraught but he played with fire and all that.
I got her number rang her phone off. So asked her on facebook message for her parents number that we needed to talk about this and that they both need family support etc
She kept saying no and f*ck off. So I told her I was going to speak to her parents one way or another that my son was not going to walk away.
An hour later she came back to say its all a lie and he deserved it cos he didn't answer her messages!

In my opinion this is a horrible thing to do and if my daughter did this I'd want to know. Or do I just ignore this?

piperh

It's a hard situation for you to be in. I know it seems the kids are getting sexually active younger these days and when they are our own its even scarier but try and see it from the girls point of view. I don't for 1 minute think she was right or behaved well but perhaps she was hurting, she slept with a lad and then he ignored her for 4 weeks. She wasn't to know it was because you had his phone and would feel upset and used. It does take 2 and i doubt he was an unwilling partner.

My take on it would be to make sure your son learns from this lesson and moves on and hopefully the girl will to.

The Princess Bride

No doubt(I hope) your son has learned a valuable lesson in life.
Yes-teenagers are having sex younger than the previous generations.
However,this does not mean that emotionally,they are mature enough to deal with any potential fall-out.
Perhaps buy some condoms and sit down with him and get down to basics -he'll be mortified ,but hopefully will learn.

Just curious as to the age of your son,OP?
I wonder if she is aware of the laws on having sex with a minor-no harm in reminding her,maybe she needs a wakeup call from somebody about unsafe sex too.

Should that somebody be you?
Should you talk to her or her parents?
You might be able to judge that better than me.
This depends on whether any of them are the sort to listen and be grateful you've told them.

I do agree with you -if it were my daughters,I'd want to know.
But,at the end of the day, your son is your responsibility.

Take care and best of luck.

Moonbeam

Maybe she is pregnant but is denying it due to the lack of contact?
I dunno what I would do,as the kid I would not want you near my parents but as the parent 1st thing I would want to do is talk to her parents.
Maybe talk to the school?

Leave it be. Your son is young but so is this girl - I don't think it was wise to contact her personally, she was probably terrified of you (hence the f*ck offs). As you say, your son played with fire, it's probably better to guide him through dealing with this rather than doing it yourself. Make sure he knows not to be getting into any more sticky situations.

Toots

The likelihood is she probably did make it up to get 'revenge' on your son (it was stupid but there you go). However, if I was in your shoes I'd want to be sure whether or not she's pregnant. If they had unprotected sex, there's always a chance she is, and how will your son feel if she rocks up on the doorstep in 8 months pushing a pram. It'll probably be horrible, but I'd chat to her parents. You're obviously concerned about your son and the girl, and if she is pregnant she'll need support. Odds are on the sh!t is gonna hit the fan in a major way with her parents and I doubt the girl will thank you if it turns out she's not pregnant, but I think you need to be sure what the situation is, for everyone's sake.

implausible

I'd agree with Toots. You should contact her again to make sure she isn't pregnant. If she refuses to confirm it to you face to face, then you could approach the parents.

Teenage girls are fantastic at pressing the drama buttons; they know that mention of the word 'pregnancy' or 'suicide' is guaranteed to get a reaction. She probably wasn't bargaining on your son telling you! You may be disappointed, but well done for raising a son who was smart and mature enough to come to you about it.

Hopefully, they have both learned a lesson that will stand to them for life.

Lelantos

Quite frankly, contacting this girl again, or escalating to contacting her parents is foolhardy. No good can come of it. Your son has learned a valuable lesson, let him move on & let the girl recover her wounded pride. Anymore contact from you could lead to a lot of inter family grief.

Cunning Stunt

I agree with the last poster. Think of it as a blessing in disguise OP - your son will hopefully heed your words of caution about unprotected sex now.

By the way, I think it was very brave of him to come to you - that can't have been easy for a teenage boy in that situation.
I hope you gave him credit for that.

January

I don't have teenagers yet but I'd hope that the parent would come to me if it happened in the future.

movingsucks

When you cut all contact between them did you give him an opportunity to explain to the girl that he wouldn't be in contact anymore, or did he just disappear off the face of the planet to her?

Yes what she did was awful, but do you want to contact her parents to punish her or because you think she really might be pregnant?

If you are worried she might be pregnant (I suspect you're not) then contact the parents.
If you just want her to pay for what she did to your boy and the scenario I outlined above is the case you might find that her parents are less than sympathetic given that he's the one who slept with their daughter and then ignored her. How do you think that made her feel? Lying about being pregnant is a very very sh*tty thing to do, and hopefully the contact from you will be enough to to scare her into not doing it again.
Think about it.

If the scenario above is not what happened at all then just ignore me

implausible

Lelantos wrote: »

Quite frankly, contacting this girl again, or escalating to contacting her parents is foolhardy. No good can come of it. Your son has learned a valuable lesson, let him move on & let the girl recover her wounded pride. Anymore contact from you could lead to a lot of inter family grief.

It depends on the parents. I think that a lot of parents would want to know that (a) their daughter is having unprotected sex and (b) she lied about being pregnant. Obviously, there are certain parents who may not care and go on the offensive. The OP would probably want to suss this out.

The good that can come of it is she might learn from this and not do it again.

Ms. Pingui

Make sure you think it through before you contact her parents.
They might well be very angry with your son if they find out and the statutory rape laws would not be in your sons favour if they decided to go down a legal route.

movingsucks

^the girl is 17 though, so that's the legal age of consent.

Ms. Pingui

movingsucks wrote: »

^the girl is 17 though, so that's the legal age of consent.

Must have misread it!

movingsucks

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

Must have misread it!

If her son is 15 though the mum could take action , I think.

Ericaa

movingsucks wrote: »

If her son is 15 though the mum could take action , I think.

Nope, she couldn't. That situation isn't covered in Irish law for some reason.

Skuxx

Ericaa wrote: »

Nope, she couldn't. That situation isn't covered in Irish law for some reason.

Not looking to move the thread away from the OP's topic, but are you saying under Irish law only girls can be "statutory raped"?
What a joke this country is! I'd love to hear someone try explain the reasoning behind that!

Ericaa

alan1990 wrote: »

Not looking to move the thread away from the OP's topic, but are you saying under Irish law only girls can be "statutory raped"?
What a joke this country is! I'd love to hear someone try explain the reasoning behind that!

Well now I look like an idiot! The law has been amended and I've just realised I've been going by the old one!
http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/1935/en/act/pub/0006/index.html

Nevermind me...

padd b1975

I think you should talk to the girls parents about this ASAP.

If you let the little liar get away with this unchecked, I would be pretty sure she will trot out the same trick the next time a lad loses interest in her.

It will save needless stress and worry for another family.

Also, if possible I would show them the messages she sent telling you to fcuk off.

oneofmany

Being the same age as that girl i can relate, obviously these things happen. They do tend to more often now especially, the girls action to make up a lie about being pregnant was a bit over the top but her intentions were to get his attention. After a one night stand she was just trying to get his attention. How would she have known the mother would have taken the phone off him. My advice would be to talk to him and make sure and explain again what the consequences would be if that happened in the future.

oneofmany

Being the same age as that girl i can relate, obviously these things happen. They do tend to more often now especially, the girls action to make up a lie about being pregnant was a bit over the top but her intentions were to get his attention. After a one night stand she was just trying to get his attention. How would she have known the mother would have taken the phone off him. My advice would be to talk to him and make sure and explain again what the consequences would be if that happened in the future.

Tazium

She made a mistake and likely feels sorry enough for it now. Something not mentioned yet is though is, having a chat with her yourself. Make sure she knows you are not gunning for her, she may confide in you and it would take the worry away that you may go to her parents. Sometimes another responsible adult can make a difference to what would undoubtedly be a war discussion at home.

pinkpencilcase

I don't know OP. Having been a teenage girl relatively recently, I know that the pressure to live in a 'drama' is higher and higher these days. Realistically, I'd say she felt awful that your son dropped off the planet afterwards and when she really couldn't get a response from him, felt increasingly worse and worse. And when teenage girls feel bad it manifests as drama.

I know this girl isn't your main concern, but perhaps a text message explaining the cease in communication before you took means of contact would have negated some of this. That isn't me excusing what she's done at all, but she lashed out, and tbh it's horrifying how relatively normal it is for teenage girls to have a 'pregnancy scare' these days - it's like a right of passage.

She's backed into a corner now she knows that you know, which is probably why she's being aggressive. I think personally, I'd hope being caught out had given her the scare of her life and I'd leave it at that.

It's probably given your poor son the fright of his life as well, but fair play for having a relationship where he can come to you about it.

wolfpawnat

I think above anything you should be proud you are the sort of mother a boy can come to in a time of crisis. As for the girl I am not sure. I can understand she is upset, but she can ruin lives with lies and she clearly did not think it through when she made up that story. Now if you get her parents involved they may get on the offensive and blame your son for "taking advantage of their princess" :rolleyes: or they may go harsh on her for ever having sex in the first place. Personally, if she is 17 and your son is a JC student I think it a bit odd she was sleeping with him. In our teens 2 years may as well be 20.

Perhaps you or your son could contact her and say if she is pregnant (which sounds doubtful) that you and he will aid however ye can with whatever she decides, but if not, could she refrain from contacting your son again as clearly this situation has cemented his belief that he wants to have nothing to do with her.

pinkpencilcase

wolfpawnat wrote: »

Perhaps you or your son could contact her and say if she is pregnant (which sounds doubtful) that you and he will aid however ye can with whatever she decides, but if not, could she refrain from contacting your son again as clearly this situation has cemented his belief that he wants to have nothing to do with her.

That's a good suggestion wolfpawnat - it's gives her a back out clause as well. We've all gotten out into those worked up situations when younger that we can't see a way out of. Next will come the 'miscarriage' story otherwise :rolleyes:

I would get him to text her for a bit of closure, I know she's older than him, but she could still be really hurting from what she thought was rejection. Just a text or email (which you can supervise) to tell her that he's sorry for the way things have worked out and he's too young to continue to see her. But if she is pregnant, she can contact his mam, and of course he'll do the right thing.

qwertytlk

Imo wat she did was pretty serious. And bear in mind it could have gone alot further had your son not come to you or you not been such a conseincious parent.

Also i dont mean to scare you but she may Actually be pregnant but didn't want her parents to find out so she lied and said he made it uo when you said you were contacting them.

Id go to her parents anyway if i was you.
Hopefully she is not pregnant and you can look at the bright side of the situation which is hopefully your son will never have unprotected sex again or a one night stand.

_Whimsical_

Hmm personally I wouldn't be so quick to believe this is a lie. The average teenage girl doesn't hang around for over a month brooding before she makes an attention grabbing move. It could be that she is pregnant, you frightened the wits out of her by ringing her so she recanted the story rather than face you and her parents. You don't what her parents are like,she might have a rough home life.

If I was you I'd contact the school. This girl is a kid after all,if its a lie she has a problem,if its true ye all have a huge problem. I'd discretely contact the school counsellor and get them to deal with whatever is going on here,to talk with her rather than discipline her. If she is pregnant you don't want to leave her alone and hysterical with no one to turn to. You never know how something like that would end up,personally I wouldn't take the chance.

StillWaters

What do you hope to achieve by contacting the parents? I certainly wouldn't get the school involved who would have a duty of care to escalate this if your son is under the age of consent.

I think a lesson has been learned by all here without taking it further.

Your son treated this girl quite shabbily, and no doubt her parents will be very cross about that.

the_syco

She doesn't sound like she's very mature (yes, none of us were really at that age, but meh), so if she does turn up in 8 months time with a baby, get a DNA check, tbh. Your son may not be the only one she "got friendly with"...

tuxy

Bit off topic but was she guilty of statutory rape or is it only possible for a male to be guilty of that?