Time to change my life around for the better minus drink.

Abcxyz12345

I have been struggling too with me being in AA. I haven't felt like I was 'bad enough' as I hadn't lost my job & house etc. I took my last drink 10 days ago & it was only during this week I was called in by my boss for me not doing my work & being upset/angry & generally being inappropriate in a work setting. I've realized now that I was on a very slippery slope to having some of the behaviours of 'alcoholics'.

I also think my self worth has been so low that i actually think I am undeserving of the opportunity to try what AA says it offers. That's actually really sad.

I find the meetings heartbreaking only because I identify with so much of what others say.

I'm going to change my habits of attempting to be self-sufficient (or trying to be!) and trust this new opportunity of AA. As another poster here on this thread has said 'what have I got to lose?' Thank you

GerB40

Carpet diem wrote: »

There is no other drug or activity in the world where it is acceptable for people to waste days hungover, looking like a mess , eating craps, , turn up for work late ( I know it can be after Xmas party etc) .

It's really a societal thing. Ireland and the U.K have a drinking culture whereby getting shítfaced is the goal. In Europe or the U.S they go for a few Christmas party drinks and actually have a few drinks.

Now obviously not all Irish people go out to get plastered, visa versa with Europeans/Americans but it is considered the norm.

Until the whole "drinking culture" issue is sorted out this will never change..

iusedtoknow

GerB40 wrote: »

It's really a societal thing. Ireland and the U.K have a drinking culture whereby getting shítfaced is the goal. In Europe or the U.S they go for a few Christmas party drinks and actually have a few drinks.

Now obviously not all Irish people go out to get plastered, visa versa with Europeans/Americans but it is considered the norm.

Until the whole "drinking culture" issue is sorted out this will never change..

To a degree I agree with you

But...

I only started to get into problems when I moved to Spain. There is a problem with alcohol there too - not as large as Irelands, but it is there.

Also...in the US, especially where I live (San Francisco) there is a huge party culture. Everything work related involves drink...everything. We have weekly get togethers for happy hour, any networking function has a seemingly endless supply of alcohol....and every week,there are more AA meetings starting in the city.

Amazingfun

Fair play to realies and carpe diem and all for such good sharing of your hard won experience.

Just had to note how rare it is I meet people who think themselves undeserving of AA....most seem to be cocky/arrogant types (like my good self ) who thought ourselves far too good for it lol. You will both be very welcome in any meeting of AA and I wish you well on your first journey to one.

Here is a site that lists all of the meetings in Ireland:

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting#info

Carpet diem

Amazingfun wrote: »

Fair play to realies and carpe diem and all for such good sharing of your hard won experience.

Just had to note how rare it is I meet people who think themselves undeserving of AA....most seem to be cocky/arrogant types (like my good self ) who thought ourselves far too good for it lol. You will both be very welcome in any meeting of AA and I wish you well on your first journey to one.

Here is a site that lists all of the meetings in Ireland:

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting#info

Ha thankd I've a bit to go to be mentioned in sane sentence as realies!

Carpet diem

Intend to spend the week working and exercising hard and getting stuff done.

Keeping occupied and also making progress in different areas of my life.

The forum is very quiet today!!

Sunnyisland

Folks we all had to start somewhere,and all I do is try and pass on what was passed onto me, Some fantastic people helped me in my journey and it's great to try and help other likewise people.

Thanks for all your lovely comments, there heartwarming to read.

Doublin

GerB40 wrote: »

By these criteria I'd definitely class myself as a heavy drinker. Thanks for the help lads, I know now what I have to do. I never felt deserving enough to go to AA (probably says more about me than anything else) but ye sold it well

Now to gather the courage to actually do it...

I think most of the 'real alcoholics' (if that's your thought process) would have more of an admiration of you than scorn. You have taken the bull by the horns at an earlier stage then they have/could have had. I was blind to my dependency, didn't give it any thought. Get knocked down, get up again & continue as usual, I was never concerned about my health just kept going until this drink came & bit me on the ass. The only thing I could never beat on my own.

AA is a good mix of people with different histories/experiences & any decent person there will listen to and give support. Two random examples:

Was in a meeting in Sherrard St. years ago. When the floor was opened there were some saying the usual stuff, saying how great they were etc. Then one guy talked for a minute saying he had a slip and felt like ****. The next couple of people sharing went back to saying how great everything was. Then P (a regular there who went to the brink & clawed his way back) spoke up and said something along the lines of we are all in this together, here is someone we should be supporting not spewing how great we are, that this is what AA is about, giving support to those that need it. Changed the whole tone of the meeting and after it the lad who slipped was being offered help by the majority as everybody rallied around to help in anyway they could.

Used to go to another meeting where there was a lady in her 50's whose drinking pattern was getting everything done during the day then come 7pm would sit down to watch soaps & open a bottle of wine. While I couldn't relate to that story when I heard her speak I could understand the effects drink had on her life (and that is what it's all about, its the effect it has on your life). We became friends in the end, me the raging alco lunatic impression she had and her the couple of glasses of wine at night, no big deal, impression I had.

Carpet diem

Doublin wrote: »

I think most of the 'real alcoholics' (if that's your thought process) would have more of an admiration of you than scorn. You have taken the bull by the horns at an earlier stage then they have/could have had. I was blind to my dependency, didn't give it any thought. Get knocked down, get up again & continue as usual, I was never concerned about my health just kept going until this drink came & bit me on the ass. The only thing I could never beat on my own.

AA is a good mix of people with different histories/experiences & any decent person there will listen to and give support. Two random examples:

Was in a meeting in Sherrard St. years ago. When the floor was opened there were some saying the usual stuff, saying how great they were etc. Then one guy talked for a minute saying he had a slip and felt like ****. The next couple of people sharing went back to saying how great everything was. Then P (a regular there who went to the brink & clawed his way back) spoke up and said something along the lines of we are all in this together, here is someone we should be supporting not spewing how great we are, that this is what AA is about, giving support to those that need it. Changed the whole tone of the meeting and after it the lad who slipped was being offered help by the majority as everybody rallied around to help in anyway they could.

Used to go to another meeting where there was a lady in her 50's whose drinking pattern was getting everything done during the day then come 7pm would sit down to watch soaps & open a bottle of wine. While I couldn't relate to that story when I heard her speak I could understand the effects drink had on her life (and that is what it's all about, its the effect it has on your life). We became friends in the end, me the raging alco lunatic impression she had and her the couple of glasses of wine at night, no big deal, impression I had.

I like the meetings where they are reading through the steps and then have a chat about them after.

I find normal meetings bit mundane and can go Any direction. Everyone to themselves I guess

Carpet diem

Putting the head down this week and certainly paying off.

Keep ploughing away

Doublin

Carpet diem wrote: »

I like the meetings where they are reading through the steps and then have a chat about them after.

I find normal meetings bit mundane and can go Any direction. Everyone to themselves I guess

Hey, can I ask what you like about the steps meetings? I never got into them tbh, maybe a history of me rebelling against anyone giving me rules :pac:, but maybe this time I should take a different approach.

Carpet diem

Doublin wrote: »

Hey, can I ask what you like about the steps meetings? I never got into them tbh, maybe a history of me rebelling against anyone giving me rules :pac:, but maybe this time I should take a different approach.

I find there can underlying ideas behind each of the readings that you can apply to your own life situations.

Carpet diem

Things I've improved in the last while:

-Getting my exercise in - joined new gym
-Eating a lot healthier
-Moving on to healthier food in order to loose the pounds gradually.
-Sleeping better and getting up on time
-Relationship has improved somewhat ( but not as much as I thought it would - women are tough work!)
-Being more focussed on what I do in life rather than filling my head with random stuff and ignoring what I actually should be good at
-Checkup up with doctor and dentist to keep on top of stuff
- More organised ( lunch prepared night before, shopping done Sunday, gym bag packed night before ) - all easy Said than done!

KeefF

Carpet diem wrote: »

Things I've improved in the last while:

-Getting my exercise in - joined new gym
-Eating a lot healthier
-Moving on to healthier food in order to loose the pounds gradually.
-Sleeping better and getting up on time
-Relationship has improved somewhat ( but not as much as I thought it would - women are tough work!)
-Being more focussed on what I do in life rather than filling my head with random stuff and ignoring what I actually should be good at
-Checkup up with doctor and dentist to keep on top of stuff
- More organised ( lunch prepared night before, shopping done Sunday, gym bag packed night before ) - all easy Said than done!

Identify completely with all of this.

Carpet diem

The longer I'm sober the more I see what harm drugs especially alcohol do to you. Very sad.

I think I've finally realised that drinking is not for me. I never fitted in to that culture, I wasn't being me, I wasn't being true to myself, I didn't become the person I wanted to become, I became an asshole, I became angry, I achieved little, I rocked the boat all the time, I became a failure.

Now that is all changing little by little. Drinking friends are being dumped/dissapearing because it needs to be done, I'll be left with only very little friends but so what. I have myself, my self respect , my dignity, my sanity and really that's all that matters.

iusedtoknow

Carpet diem wrote: »

-Relationship has improved somewhat ( but not as much as I thought it would - women are tough work!)

This is a key thing to remember - not drinking won't automatically fix everything that is wrong in your life, it will make things easier to deal with...but it isn't a magic spell

Carpet diem

iusedtoknow wrote: »

This is a key thing to remember - not drinking won't automatically fix everything that is wrong in your life, it will make things easier to deal with...but it isn't a magic spell

That is very true thanks - One of the times I went back drinking because I thought all my problems would be solved but I got my landing!

Life is full of ups and downs -

With the drink there are so much more downs than ups and any up I had I tended to make it a down.

Without the drink there are ups and downs but I can feels the ups so much now and I can deal with the downs do much better now.

hubba

Carpet diem wrote: »

I didn't become the person I wanted to become, I became an asshole, I became angry, I achieved little, I rocked the boat all the time, I became a failure.

+1 Carpet diem - that's just how I felt. Such a waste of potential but at least we have come to our senses and are doing what's in our power to get on the right path and live life as the 'real' us. Who we were meant to be. You are doing great, CD. Keep it up.

Carpet diem

Cooked a lovely breakfast for myself this morning - an omellette. Could never do one properly before and got it right today with a bit of patience and learning from previous mistakes.

I was thinking there was more to it - I was able put the time into feeding myself properly, taking care of myself, enjoying the moment. The satisfaction from it was great. This is me enjoying my sobriety and eating properly but food that was tasty.

It's a small thing I know but it's the addition off all the small things that add to a good day.

Yea never underestimate the joy of cooking. Like most people I once viewed it as a chore that had to be gotten out of the way so I could get back to the rest of my life - which at the time was nothing to speak of anyway. Now I see it as an end in and of itself - a process one can enjoy engaging in - as much as enjoying the final results. It has ceased to be something I get out of the way in order to get back to my life and hobbies - and started to become part of my life and hobbies. And not only am I better for it - healthwise and mentally - the people I feed are too as I have become better at it.

Carpet diem

Is it me or is it the longer I stay the less serious I am about issues ? Good thing me thinks.

tealcottage

Carpet diem wrote: »

Is it me or is it the longer I stay the less serious I am about issues ? Good thing me thinks.

I think when we get on top of things and know where we are going, we can get a bit more relaxed about things.
I think that's okay as long as you know what you need to know and have it firmly engraved in the back of your mind.

I hope that sounds okay.

Kevin the Kid

Carpet diem wrote: »

The longer I'm sober the more I see what harm drugs especially alcohol do to you. Very sad.

I think I've finally realised that drinking is not for me. I never fitted in to that culture, I wasn't being me, I wasn't being true to myself, I didn't become the person I wanted to become, I became an asshole, I became angry, I achieved little, I rocked the boat all the time, I became a failure.

Now that is all changing little by little. Drinking friends are being dumped/dissapearing because it needs to be done, I'll be left with only very little friends but so what. I have myself, my self respect , my dignity, my sanity and really that's all that matters.

So true,
As you age your body and capacity for drinking changes as does your mind. Your sanity is worth holding onto the most of all. The rest will fall into place.
Friends will come and go. It may take some time but it will be worth it in the end. Good friends will respect our choices.

Abcxyz12345

Hi, I'm still not drinking & the daily anxiety continues to lessen - although still there. Back eating & sleeping. The last period of drinking though brought me to a dark place & it's brought up a lot of stuff for me which Id like to talk about with a counsellor. I met with one who I felt had a good insight into alcohol/addiction & I would like to proceed. I also have been attending AA meetings & I spoke to a lady who said she would be happy to sponsor me if Id like to etc. I would really like this but then she explained she can't if I'm going to a counsellor - advice is often conflicting etc. I'm really disappointed. It's an either/or situation apparently (according to AA) but I suppose I really want to sort myself out this time. She said say I can go to a counsellor when I finish the programme/steps with her. Maybe I'm taking too much on too... I don't know. Any one else have experience of this? Thank you

Amazingfun

First off-no one "speaks for AA" (including me btw lol). We are all just individual members.

But various people have different ways of doing things and this woman apparently has had experiences in the past that has led her to this policy. If you don't "want what she has" then ask someone else or just stick with your counselor I guess?
I sponsor a few people and have been sponsored myself so I speak from my own experience. I can understand her position on it to be honest.

Carpet diem

Bad bout of being fed up came overt me this evening.

Not sure what is wrong. The old me wanting to be out there on a Thursday night.

tealcottage

Carpet diem wrote: »

Bad bout of being fed up came overt me this evening.

Not sure what is wrong. The old me wanting to be out there on a Thursday night.

Probably just a bump on the road where you have to hold a tight grip on the steering.

Carpet diem

On the plus side I went to toastmasters which I have been meaning to do for a long time.

It was very good really and even more than I thought it would be. Need to become a member and start cracking at it now and looking forward to developing myself.

Abcxyz12345

Amazingfun wrote: »

First off-no one "speaks for AA" (including me btw lol). We are all just individual members.

But various people have different ways of doing things and this woman apparently has had experiences in the past that has led her to this policy. If you don't "want what she has" then ask someone else or just stick with your counselor I guess?
I sponsor a few people and have been sponsored myself so I speak from my own experience. I can understand her position on it to be honest.

Thank you Amazingfun. She is someone who I do think I want what she has - her views on life & her actual lifestyle too. I identify with her previous drinking experience too. I suppose my worry was will I be able over the next while without counselling - but perhaps that's the unfamiliarity of AA etc. I've been in counselling before & I still ended up in a bad way. Maybe it's time to try something new... It's something for me to think about before I make a decision about which route I'll take next. Thanks again

Abcxyz12345

Carpet diem wrote: »

On the plus side I went to toastmasters which I have been meaning to do for a long time.

It was very good really and even more than I thought it would be. Need to become a member and start cracking at it now and looking forward to developing myself.

Well done Carpet Diem... Something on my 'to do' list too!