Is it not a bit early for confirmations?

feargale

docmol wrote: »

Will you adopt the same position re her wedding or civil partnership?
FYP
:rolleyes:

Oops! Did we both forget to add the words " in the event of such happening" ? Let me know if I put all the commas in the right place.

Turtwig

Op,

Unfortunately you're kind of f*cked! From the picture I've got of your parents in your original post plus my own prejudices, biases and experiences of parents in Ireland this is one of those sort of events that if you refuse to go it might be bitterly be held against you for a very long time.

My advice would be to stick those teeth into your lips, go along it's just one day and those other things you need to get done. Well, I'll put it this way, if a family member was in hospital you'd find a way to accomodate those other things. It's certainly not a convenient thing to have to say, because a hospital situation we'd all understand and this is merely your parents being somewhat stupid and stubborn.

Let's be honest, even if they do trot out the excuse, this isn't about your niece; this is all about your parents and their own vision of how they think things ought to be. You're not going to change their way of thinking and by not going you'll probably provide them with more stress, anxiety and embarrassment than you'd fathom and my fear would be that they might hold that against you, especially if they're making a huge deal of keeping the last two kids religious. It's incredibly silly, but unfortunately that's just the way it is sometimes.

feargale

docmol wrote: »

FYP
:rolleyes:

And thank you, but my intention was to enquire solely re wedding. I didn't see the need to ask the same question re civil partnership. Of course, if you wish to ask that, feel free to do so. "Each to their own," as my granny used to say, and as the whole point of the OP appears to be. FY "FYP"

docmol

feargale wrote: »

And thank you, but my intention was to enquire solely re wedding. I didn't see the need to ask the same question re civil partnership. Of course, if you wish to ask that, feel free to do so. "Each to their own," as my granny used to say, and as the whole point of the OP appears to be. FY "FYP"

LOL

feargale

For further clarification can I ask OP the following:
1. God ( or whoever or nobody as the case may be,) forbid it happening anytime soon, but would you attend the religious funeral service of a close relative who was near and dear to you? The deceased would most likely be without choice in the matter, particularly re the timing of it.
2. If you were marrying in a registry office, would you invite your parents? Would they come?
3. Same questions re if they are RC and you married in a Protestant church, or vice versa.
4. Same questions re if you were married by a druid on a beach. I know someone who was.

Dades

The OP already has a dilemma with the actual event in question, so why are you posing four hypothetical questions for them to deal with too?

If you've a point to make, just make it.

docmol

I though long and hard before re posting in this thread but here's my 2c worth.
@OP. As a dyed in the wool atheist I would rather never go to any religious ceremony. I honestly think they are wrong on so many levels. Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue though. Funerals or weddings of close family and friends is the exception for me. I go and toe the line (at least as far as polite attendance) I believe these ceremonies are important. Not for religious reasons but for social reasons. It's important to mark a new life, or the end of one, and while I disagree with the format I can appreciate the sentiment.
It's up to you if you go to this event or not. If you don't go will your niece be upset? I sort of doubt it, esp if you send a card with cash in. The last confirmation I was at was my own, 30 years ago. My family are fine with this. If you do go you can at least console yourself by knowing you have been the "bigger" person, putting yourself out to keep the peace. You could even think of it as showing the "holy joes" a lesson in tolerance, something a lot (but NOT all) of them could sorely use! I bet they wouldn't understand the point though, even if you got it printed on a T shirt. Best of luck with whatever you decide.
@ feargale The FY at the end of your post makes my point for me, very eloquently. Thanks!

kylith

Well, I went anyway. I arrived, as I expected, just as all the other guests were putting their coats on and saying their goodbyes. The child herself I saw for about 3 minutes, and I had to go looking for her at that; she was watching videos with friends in her room.

I got word from OH this morning that his 'not feeling terrific' turned into full blown norovirus at about midnight so you can imagine how great I feel that I've made a three hour trip for someone who barely even knew I was there, and left someone who turned out to actually need me to their own devices.

feargale wrote: »

For further clarification can I ask OP the following:
1. God ( or whoever or nobody as the case may be,) forbid it happening anytime soon, but would you attend the religious funeral service of a close relative who was near and dear to you? The deceased would most likely be without choice in the matter, particularly re the timing of it.
2. If you were marrying in a registry office, would you invite your parents? Would they come?
3. Same questions re if they are RC and you married in a Protestant church, or vice versa.
4. Same questions re if you were married by a druid on a beach. I know someone who was.

In what way are those even slightly related to the subject at hand? Where have I ever said that I would refuse to go to a religious event? Haven't I, in fact, said exactly the opposite; that I go to every wedding, funeral, christening, communion, confirmation, and vow renewal that I am invited to? My sole objection this weekend is that I have been expected to put my own needs after someone else's, for no reason other than some 'coming of age' thing.

feargale

kylith wrote: »

Well, I went anyway.

That may make any further comment appear superfluous. Subject to what follows, and not knowing as much as you do/did about your personal/family situation, or to what extent you were subject to unreasonable expectations, and acknowledging that you and you alone had a right and were best qualified to decide, my gut reaction would have been that going was the better option. Always best when faced with such dilemmas to look down the road x years hence and ask yourself which course are you most likely to regret in the future.

kylith wrote: »

I got word from OH this morning that his 'not feeling terrific' turned into full blown norovirus at about midnight

That clearly puts a new complexion on the story, and would have put me in the "dont go" camp, just about everyone else too, I imagine. Wishing OH a speedy recovery.

feargale

[Quote=kylith;83027581In what way are those even slightly related to the subject at hand? Where have I ever said that I would refuse to go to a religious event? Haven't I, in fact, said exactly the opposite; that I go to every wedding, funeral, christening, communion, confirmation, and vow renewal that I am invited to?[/Quote]
Sorry, I overlooked post no. 5 in which you seem to row back from the last paragraph of OP. In response to the latter, ( which suggested a second objection,) I was about to make the point that religious and non-religious have to share this planet whether we like it or not, and we're best to distance ourselves as far as possible from both Inquisitorial Spain and Hoxha's Albania. I was also thinking of Douglas Hyde's funeral, ( you'll find a resume of the story in Wikipedia if you're not familiar with it,) when all our Cabinet ministers bar one made silly buggers of themselves by absenting themselves from the Protestant service lest, in the words of the poet, they might damn their immortal souls.

kylith

feargale wrote: »

That may make any further comment appear superfluous. Subject to what follows, and not knowing as much as you do/did about your personal/family situation, or to what extent you were subject to unreasonable expectations, and acknowledging that you and you alone had a right and were best qualified to decide, my gut reaction would have been that going was the better option. Always best when faced with such dilemmas to look down the road x years hence and ask yourself which course are you most likely to regret in the future.

Well, that was it really; I considered which would cause me more peace in the long run, and boy can my mother do long-term lack of peace

feargale wrote: »

That clearly puts a new complexion on the story, and would have put me in the "dont go" camp, just about everyone else too, I imagine. Wishing OH a speedy recovery.

As it was he had been a bit under the weather for a couple of days and neither of us had any idea that he was going to get worse. Had he been ill on Saturday I would certainly wouldn't have left him.

feargale wrote: »

Sorry, I overlooked post no. 5 in which you seem to row back from the last paragraph of OP.

No worries. As I said the OP was, as I suspect many OPs are, written in the heat of the moment.