Is it wrong to ask her do we have a chance?

ShM

I have this friend who I really like, I've told her how I feel before but she has a boyfriend, alot of people think we would be good together! Would it be wrong to ask her 'where I would stand' if she was single?

banquo

It would. She might like you too, but she has a boyfriend and it's unfair to put that sort of pressure on her.

Also, you'd be doing yourself no favours in the long run.

/pats back

lintdrummer

ShM wrote: »

Would it be wrong to ask her 'where I would stand' if she was single?

Yes.





Because she isnt single.

Now feck off and leave my gf alone.

pedanticpat

You're in the friend zone. Accept it. If her relationship doesn't work out, grand other than that, shut up and deal with it.

0066ad

ShM wrote: »

I have this friend who I really like, I've told her how I feel before but she has a boyfriend, alot of people think we would be good together! Would it be wrong to ask her 'where I would stand' if she was single?

You waited 2 years to say that?

fergiesfolly

Where do you stand? Outside her door while she's shaggin someone she actually fancies.

Jacob T

ShM wrote: »

I have this friend who I really like, I've told her how I feel before but she has a boyfriend, alot of people think we would be good together! Would it be wrong to ask her 'where I would stand' if she was single?

That all depends, what are her measurements?

Czarcasm

ShM wrote: »

I have this friend who I really like, I've told her how I feel before but she has a boyfriend, alot of people think we would be good together! Would it be wrong to ask her 'where I would stand' if she was single?

I presume "As far away from me as possible!" is the reply you would get if you did ask her that question.

admiralofthefleet

just stay in the friendzone, you'll reach level 100 soon

1ZRed

You really like her but waited too long and now she has a boyfriend.

Registered Jan 2011, posts: 1

You be doin' some procrastinatin', boy

hatrickpatrick

Aside from being morally questionable, it would almost guarantee you'd have no chance of ever getting with her.

I honestly don't know anyone who got with a girl they liked by just coming out and telling her they liked her bluntly. Most lads I know got there through flirting with her over time and eventually going for it, not a confession.

Celly Smunt

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Aside from being morally questionable, it would almost guarantee you'd have no chance of ever getting with her.

I honestly don't know anyone who got with a girl they liked by just coming out and telling her they liked her bluntly. Most lads I know got there through flirting with her over time and eventually going for it, not a confession.

a nice car and money can help too.

Mr. CooL ICE

Leave her be. If she is happy with her boyfriend, then jerk off to her pictures on facebook

Where To

I say you should tell her. Life's too short not to tell people what you think of them, you'll regret it on your deathbed if you don't.


P.S. I think yous are all w@nkers.

im invisible

is it worth losing her as a friend over? i'd say go for it, and one way or the other it'll be sorted



*probably the other...

Itwasntme.

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Aside from being morally questionable, it would almost guarantee you'd have no chance of ever getting with her.

I honestly don't know anyone who got with a girl they liked by just coming out and telling her they liked her bluntly. Most lads I know got there through flirting with her over time and eventually going for it, not a confession.

I don't know. I prefer confessions to flirting over time- signal reading is not my forte. OP, when this girl is single, go ahead and confess if you feel like it but till then you can do any one of the following:

- Stick it to as many willing women as possible in an effort to ride your feelings away;
- Channel the angst into song writing for either Adele, Taylor Swift or some other such moany singer;
- Make a YouTube video with placards about it- remember to hide your identity;
- Tug yourself into mindless oblivion every chance you get.

All the best.

Where To wrote: »

I say you should tell her. Life's too short not to tell people what you think of them, you'll regret it on your deathbed if you don't.


P.S. I think yous are all w@nkers.

I am not even offended. Guilty as charged.

sethasaurus

Grow a pair and find another chick!

Jesus Wept

You miss 100% or the shots you don't take.
Wayne Gretzky

SV

What is it with guys and the inability to stay in the friendzone, jesus.

No, don't ask, if she has any interest in you you'll know about it when and if she's ever single.

deco nate

SV wrote: »

What is it with guys and the inability to stay in the friendzone, jesus.

No, don't ask, if she has any interest in you you'll know about it when and if she's ever single.

feck off!really?never take this advice.
why,cos if you do you will always think...
what if.. and if you ask well at least you know.
yet if you dont....?
cop on...

SV

deco nate wrote: »

feck off!really?never take this advice.
why,cos if you do you will always think...
what if.. and if you ask well at least you know.
yet if you dont....?
cop on...

Dya know how many women are sick to the teeth of lads they thought were friends asking them out? or seeing if something could happen between them?

I know of two who never talk to their 'best friends' anymore that happened to be lads because of this.
If you want to to risk the loss of a friend just because you think the key to happiness lies in a relationship then fair enough.



OP, you've told her how you feel. It's not like she isn't aware of it, if she was interested in you she'd be with you.
It's honestly no wonder there's this general opinion that goes around that women and men cannot be friends with the majority thinking this is a good idea :rolleyes:

im invisible

just for the record, i dont think it's a good idea at all, but if he's kinda obsessed with her, i reckon it mightn't be the worst idea to get her out of his life....

or something, maybe im just projecting

deco nate

SV wrote: »

Dya know how many women are sick to the teeth of lads they thought were friends asking them out? or seeing if something could happen between them?

I know of two who never talk to their 'best friends' anymore that happened to be lads because of this.
If you want to to risk the loss of a friend just because you think the key to happiness lies in a relationship then fair enough.



OP, you've told her how you feel. It's not like she isn't aware of it, if she was interested in you she'd be with you.
It's honestly no wonder there's this general opinion that goes around that women and men cannot be friends with the majority thinking this is a good idea :rolleyes:

thats your thoughts on it.i beg to differ....
sometimes it works,some times not,
but you do not know how it will
turn out.nor do i,but like i said..
if you dont know.ffs

just cos 2 people that you know
that it went wrong for,****in hell

this world would be a bad place to be if we
just tried things once and cos it went wrong for some
one else and we gave up on it...
go for it op!!!

Sofiztikated

ShM wrote: »

I have this friend who I really like, I've told her how I feel before but she has a boyfriend, alot of people think we would be good together! Would it be wrong to ask her 'where I would stand' if she was single?

Yes, it's wrong.

You've told her how you feel before. Did that work? No.
So why, now that she has a boyfriend, will she suddenly think, "D'ya know what, I could really go for some ShM right now, even though I've rejected his advances before. My boyfriend that I'm going out with now, who I have chosen to go out with, ah, he'll understand."?

Unfortunately, this is not some teen romcom movie. Shít like that doesn't really happen.

D'ya know what else doesn't work? Having your díck poking through a pizza box, and when women open it, they get all horned up and moist. All that really happens is you get cheese, pepperoni and mushrooms on your mickey.

Fr_Dougal

ShM wrote: »

I have this friend who I really like, I've told her how I feel before but she has a boyfriend, alot of people think we would be good together! Would it be wrong to ask her 'where I would stand' if she was single?

I think you already know the answer, now get yourself a bottle of vodka, a Coldplay album and a mobile phone and let's see what happens.

touts

ShM wrote: »

I have this friend who I really like, I've told her how I feel before but she has a boyfriend, alot of people think we would be good together! Would it be wrong to ask her 'where I would stand' if she was single?

You've told her how you feel. It's out there now. IF she splits from the boyfriend who knows how that seed will grow. If however you push it and ask her "where I would stand IF you were single" then that's just desperate and she will see it as either pathetic or creepy. Either way it is poison to your chances.

At this stage you have done all you can. Wait and see what happens between her and her boyfriend. Lets face it if she is in her teens or early 20s it's likely that this is just one of many short flings of youth and if you stay a good friend (and not a creepy one) you have a good chance of being a future fling. If she is in her late 20s or early 30s then there is a good chance that he (not you) could be the one she spends her life with in which case you just need to get out of the way. But you don't have to be celibate while you wait. You should go out there and see what other options you have.

And I know where you are coming from. In my early 20s I really fancied a good friend but she had a boyfriend so I did nothing and instead had a few short to medium term relationships myself. Then she split up with the boyfriend, moved away and we never had a chance. Years later she told me she had feelings for me also but at that point I had firmly moved on and was very happy with the girl I would later marry. My friend has since married and is also very happy. Looking back I'm sure we would not have lasted had we hooked up and would not be as happy as we are now. In fact IF I had acted when she told me she had feelings for me then I would have split from the girl who actually turned out to be the love of my life and she would not have met the man who would go on to be hers. My friend was not the one I was meant to be with and I was not the one she was meant to be with. That's life.

Gummy Panda

Just ask her for what you really want

"any chance of a fúck?"

RoyalMarine

How would you feel if you had a GF and one of her mates told her how he felt about her, and then continued to ask more questions about them...

fúck off and leave them alone. She's with him. She's not single.

/end

mikemac1

Drive her mad with jealously and she will want what she cannot have

Has she a sister or best friend?

Cee-Jay-Cee

She's not single so don't ask as you could end up ruining your friendship with her. If she breaks up with her BF then wait a while and then try and drop it into conversation without seeming like you intended to say it. If she felt the same way about you then she'd be with you now so don't ruin it by saying anything to her.

smokedeels

I dunno... often when people proclaim to like a friend it's the result of a few bad romantic experiences..... you start to think that getting-together with an attractive friend seems a good option. The logic being that everything will be the same between you with the added bonus of a ride/companionship.

I'm not sold on the notion... relationships come and go, finding good friends from either gender is much rarer.

Plus... she's with a dude, unless he's a d1ck and you know she's unhappy with him then asking her out suggests you're thinking more of yourself than her.

Also... tbh if you've been friends with her for a long time and know her well, I think you'd already be aware if you dug you.

Dravokivich

Mix tape, is yer only man.

Wibbs

Almost certainly in Friendzone. You've already made it know how you feel and she's off with somebody else. Ignore the "lot of people" who come out with "oh you'd be so good together" it's usually BS. In any event it doesn't matter, unless she says "we'd be good together". Now you could tell her, but it could go a couple of ways. She might freak out and bye bye friendship(not much of one anyway if you're harbouring these feelings", or she might try to let you down easy/keep you as a "friend" and say stuff along the lines of "you never know". Avoid that like the very plague.

Eve_Dublin

SV wrote: »

Dya know how many women are sick to the teeth of lads they thought were friends asking them out? or seeing if something could happen between them?

I know of two who never talk to their 'best friends' anymore that happened to be lads because of this.
If you want to to risk the loss of a friend just because you think the key to happiness lies in a relationship then fair enough.

Faaaaaaact!!!! It's happened a couple of times throughout my life and all I've felt is disappointment (that our platonic, non-complicated friendship has come to an end and the idea that the person was probably only friends with me cos he fancied me) and sadness (to lose a friend).

They say men are more likely to fall for their friends and women are more capable of friendships with men without any underlying romantic feelings.

She rejected you once. She knows how you feel. If she liked you, she'd be with you. I think that by saying anything, you run the risk of losing a friend.

Czarcasm

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Faaaaaaact!!!! It's happened a couple of times throughout my life and all I've felt is disappointment (that our platonic, non-complicated friendship has come to an end and the idea that the person was probably only friends with me cos he fancied me) and sadness (to lose a friend).

They say men are more likely to fall for their friends and women are more capable of friendships with men without any underlying romantic feelings.

She rejected you once. She knows how you feel. If she liked you, she'd be with you. I think that by saying anything, you run the risk of losing a friend.

They would be making awful sweeping generalisations

*Fecks off to the "favorite generalisations" thread*

cantdecide

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

and the idea that the person was probably only friends with me cos he fancied me)

I think that's a little cynical. True there can be a fine line between admiration and attraction. Just because they found themselves having crossed the line doesn't mean there was an agenda all along. It's not like it doesn't happen when the genders are reversed either.

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Faaaaaaact!!!! It's happened a couple of times throughout my life and all I've felt is disappointment (that our platonic, non-complicated friendship has come to an end

Well there was no friendship any more. You just found out later than they did.

@OP: Don't go there dude. You've told her you have feelings for her. You don't need to overstate what's already been said. As above, get on with your life- there will be others like her and difference is that they might like you back. You owe it to yourself to find them. Doing so in itself may help you move on from this girl which is no bad thing since she has already chosen another over you. It's time to bring things into your life that will make you happy, not frustrated and sad.

BraziliaNZ

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Faaaaaaact!!!! It's happened a couple of times throughout my life and all I've felt is disappointment (that our platonic, non-complicated friendship has come to an end and the idea that the person was probably only friends with me cos he fancied me) and sadness (to lose a friend).

They say men are more likely to fall for their friends and women are more capable of friendships with men without any underlying romantic feelings.

She rejected you once. She knows how you feel. If she liked you, she'd be with you. I think that by saying anything, you run the risk of losing a friend.

What I don't understand is how they become friends with people they fancy in the first place? I never have, it's either hooking up really soon after meeting, or a friendship.
Also as someone stated earlier, you don't just admit your fancy to someone, it should develop mutually and before you know it you're drunk and humping each other or whatever. I can't relate to the idea of having to come out and say it. A friend of mine came out and told his flatmate he was really into her recently, the idiot, and of course she didn't feel the same and now it's super awkward living together. I'm just glad I'm not a woman, having to deal with these pathetic men all the time.

Kolido

This immediately came to mind when I read the title.:D

marnie d

I think as others have said, don't say anything as long as she's in a relationship.

Don't forget to let us know what you decide to do anyway!

Novella

What would be the point of asking her where you would stand if she were single? She is with somebody else, she has chosen him over you. You're her friend, that's it, that is where you stand.

Eve_Dublin

cantdecide wrote: »

I think that's a little cynical. True there can be a fine line between admiration and attraction. Just because they found themselves having crossed the line doesn't mean there was an agenda all along. It's not like it doesn't happen when the genders are reversed either.

You're right, it's cynical but I've lost those friendships, one of which I really valued. As soon as I asked could we just stay friends (back then I was more open to the idea that you could remain friends with someone who fancied you), he vanished. I haven't seen him in about a year and a half. That can make you cynical, unfortunately but you're right, this is not always the case. Experience has led to that cynicism, I suppose.

And of course it happens with with women too, I just doesn't seem to be that common.

pickarooney

I hate this thing about people who are in relationships being off the table. If you go for it and she actually prefers you to him then it's a win for everyone, including him as he's saved from a doomed relationship before he wastes any more time in it. If a relationship is not strong enough to resist temptation it's not worth having.

Eve_Dublin

Czarcasm wrote: »

They would be making awful sweeping generalisations

*Fecks off to the "favorite generalisations" thread*

I actually read a number of articles about it. I'll dig them up when I get home from work....

cantdecide

pickarooney wrote: »

I hate this thing about people who are in relationships being off the table. If you go for it and she actually prefers you to him then it's a win for everyone

Puddle-hopping isn't appropriate where people's feelings are concerned. If you're in a relationship where you're waiting for someone better to come along, it doesn't say much about your character, IMO. In your example, it's more that everyone loses...

xLexie

Yeah just leave her alone, and stop showing such a blatent disregard for her relationship. If she wanted to be with you, she wouldn't be dating someone else.

Gone Drinking

Nothing lower than a lad trying to chat up a bird who's got a boyfriend to be honest. Regardless of who thinks you'd be great together.

Why don't you go tell her boyfriend your little plan, so he can hit you the slap you deserve.

Furious_George

Where To wrote: »

I say you should tell her. Life's too short not to tell people what you think of them, you'll regret it on your deathbed if you don't.


P.S. I think yous are all w@nkers.

What are you on about, you are full of it as usual. Do you actually take these opinions just to be different to others. First its that everyone should leave their jobs if it isnt their dream job and now people should try and split up other peoples relationships just because of their own selfish desires. The OP will eventually move on and probably lust over many other girls over the years

Its time for both you and the OP to grow up and leave behind the things of childhood and become men. The girl is in a relationship with someone, therefore she is not available. Its not like a movie where she is forced to go out with someone by her rich snobby parents because he is from the right type of family and the real sound sensitive guy gets with her because they are meant to be together. GROW UP. There are literally billions of women in the world, you will find yourself seriously attracted to many of them over your life. You will most likely get lucky and cross paths with a girl who you are attracted to, who is attracted to you both physically and personality wise and who is single and open to a relationship. STOP TRYING TO FIT A SQUARE PEG INTO A ROUND HOLE.

One last thing OP, I hope you are no older than late teens or early twenties because that is the only excuse for this kind of behaviour, pining over a girl and considering interfering in her relationship. For all you know these two could be on course marriage, children and to grow old together. What right have you to try and break that up for your own selfish gains.

Czarcasm

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I actually read a number of articles about it. I'll dig them up when I get home from work....

Ah no Eve I know what you're talking about, but I didn't want to sound big headed about it. It's just something that in my experience definitely goes both ways though (speaking anecdotally obviously), very much dependent on the individual.

KyussBishop

Probably best to cut contact OP, as sounds like being friends is just going to mess with your head, and seeing if you have a chance when she has a boyfriend is both inappropriate, and (given that she knows your feelings) not likely to be fruitful.

So, maybe best to tell her you just need to cut contact for a while until you forget about her, at which point you can possibly be friends later on again (minus headwrecking feelings).

pickarooney

cantdecide wrote: »

Puddle-hopping isn't appropriate where people's feelings are concerned. If you're in a relationship where you're waiting for someone better to come along, it doesn't say much about your character, IMO. In your example, it's more that everyone loses...

In the real world you don't find 'the one' at the first attempt and you don't realise what you're missing until you meet him/her.

speedboatchase

OP if you've already told her how you feel and there was no forward momentum on her side afterwards just leave it until she's single.