How to handle this awkward social situation?

franktheplank

I was in my local garage today and went to use the toilets, only to notice a previous user had poo'd all over the back of the toilet seat. It was feckin horrific. On my way out I passed my neighbour on his way in to use the loo.

He's gonna think I did it!

What do I do? Should I have said something? How do I stop word getting around town that I'm the kinda guy that poo's on the toilet seat.

I know I should have told the people in the shop that someone's left a mess in the toilet but they'll be thinking, yeah "someone".

I've had this kind of awkwardness before but only with strangers. You go to a public loo, the place is stinking or fouled in some way. On your way out you pass somebody coming in and you're thinking, they'll think I'm disgusting!

Anyone else had this problem or know what to do in this situation?

cml387

Don't use the toilets in garages. Ever.

Rabies

franktheplank wrote: »

I was in my local garage today and went to use the toilets, only to notice a previous user had poo'd all over the back of the toilet seat. It was feckin horrific. On my way out I passed my neighbour on his way in to use the loo.

He's gonna think I did it!

What do I do? Should I have said something? How do I stop word getting around town that I'm the kinda guy that poo's on the toilet seat.

I know I should have told the people in the shop that someone's left a mess in the toilet but they'll be thinking, yeah "someone".

I've had this kind of awkwardness before but only with strangers. You go to a public loo, the place is stinking or fouled in some way. On your way out you pass somebody coming in and you're thinking, they'll think I'm disgusting!

Anyone else had this problem or know what to do in this situation?

before using it you should have gone in to one of the staff, told them the toilet is a mess and you want to use it.

TheBody

franktheplank wrote: »

I was in my local garage today and went to use the toilets, only to notice a previous user had poo'd all over the back of the toilet seat. It was feckin horrific. On my way out I passed my neighbour on his way in to use the loo.

He's gonna think I did it!

What do I do? Should I have said something? How do I stop word getting around town that I'm the kinda guy that poo's on the toilet seat.

I know I should have told the people in the shop that someone's left a mess in the toilet but they'll be thinking, yeah "someone".

I've had this kind of awkwardness before but only with strangers. You go to a public loo, the place is stinking or fouled in some way. On your way out you pass somebody coming in and you're thinking, they'll think I'm disgusting!

Anyone else had this problem or know what to do in this situation?

Dead people don't spread rumours. I think we both know what the only solution is in this situation!!

admiralofthefleet

i would shout back 'that bangers and mash isnt mine' and keep walking

tommyboy2222

Spread a rumour around your town that your neighbour is a pedophile.

the keen edge

You've no choice but to used the nuclear option, you'll have to off him.

Wait outside his house in your car tomorrow morning and drive over that Donnie Brasco touting bastard, it your only choice.
He has probably also told the wife by now, so you'll have to take her out as well if maintaining your street rep is of importance to you.

Try to refrain from sh!tting on their corpses you dirty sick bastard.

hatrickpatrick

http://www.bebo.com/c/video?FlashBoxId=3834168406

keith16

The toilet in your local garage?

The only time I would even contemplate using a garage toilet is if I am on a long drive....why would you use your local garage OP?

I suppose there is a big mess in your own toilet and I also suppose you didn't do that either? :rolleyes:

franktheplank

keith16 wrote: »

The toilet in your local garage?

The only time I would even contemplate using a garage toilet is if I am on a long drive....why would you use your local garage OP?

I suppose there is a big mess in your own toilet and I also suppose you didn't do that either? :rolleyes:

Well when I say local, I mean out in the sticks local, so my own toilet was twenty minutes away.

antodeco

Write down your neighbours telephone number on the back of the cubicle door. If its ever mentioned about the poo just state 'could be worse. Could have my number in toilets"

YbFocus

You're really going to some rows to look innocent ain't ya OP?

Sam Kade

franktheplank wrote: »

I was in my local garage today and went to use the toilets, only to notice a previous user had poo'd all over the back of the toilet seat. It was feckin horrific. On my way out I passed my neighbour on his way in to use the loo.

He's gonna think I did it!

What do I do? Should I have said something? How do I stop word getting around town that I'm the kinda guy that poo's on the toilet seat.

I know I should have told the people in the shop that someone's left a mess in the toilet but they'll be thinking, yeah "someone".

I've had this kind of awkwardness before but only with strangers. You go to a public loo, the place is stinking or fouled in some way. On your way out you pass somebody coming in and you're thinking, they'll think I'm disgusting!

Anyone else had this problem or know what to do in this situation?

You dirty bast@rd

mattjack

A few years ago , coming home my local I caught my blonde neighbour having a whizz in my other neighbours garden............, "Mattjack" , I says to myself , "in the cold light of day this is going to be one difficult situation",





she wasn't in the slightest bit embarrassed as she looked me ,








she just wagged her tail and ran off, her being a golden retriever .

danniemcq

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

http://www.bebo.com/c/video?FlashBoxId=3834168406

what the hell is a bebo?

Pilsbury Doughboy

the keen edge wrote: »

You've no choice but to used the nuclear option, you'll have to off him.

Wait outside his house in your car tomorrow morning and drive over that Donnie Brasco touting bastard, it your only choice.
He has probably also told the wife by now, so you'll have to take her out as well if maintaining your street rep is of importance to you.

Try to refrain from sh!tting on their corpses you dirty sick bastard.

ArtyM

You handled it wrong from the start OP.
You should have called him over, pointed at the mess and proudly asked.....
'Can you believe all that came out of me'?
and quickly followed by you handing him your phone and asking him to take a photo of you smiling and pointing at the bowl
followed by you challenging him to beat your feat.

He would never mention that experience to another living being.

UpMunster

franktheplank wrote: »

I was in my local garage today and went to use the toilets, only to notice a previous user had poo'd all over the back of the toilet seat. It was feckin horrific. On my way out I passed my neighbour on his way in to use the loo.

He's gonna think I did it!

What do I do? Should I have said something? How do I stop word getting around town that I'm the kinda guy that poo's on the toilet seat.

I know I should have told the people in the shop that someone's left a mess in the toilet but they'll be thinking, yeah "someone".

I've had this kind of awkwardness before but only with strangers. You go to a public loo, the place is stinking or fouled in some way. On your way out you pass somebody coming in and you're thinking, they'll think I'm disgusting!

Anyone else had this problem or know what to do in this situation?

Hiya. When you see that guy again just tell him that place is a fecking tip. You had to leave and tell them to clean it up as you felt sick in the stomach. He will understand.

hatrickpatrick

danniemcq wrote: »

what the hell is a bebo?

YouTube deleted the feckin' video for copyright, 'twas Billy Connolly talking about "A wee beige jobby"

Czarcasm

franktheplank wrote: »

I was in my local garage today and went to use the toilets, only to notice a previous user had poo'd all over the back of the toilet seat. It was feckin horrific. On my way out I passed my neighbour on his way in to use the loo.

He's gonna think I did it!

What do I do? Should I have said something? How do I stop word getting around town that I'm the kinda guy that poo's on the toilet seat.

I know I should have told the people in the shop that someone's left a mess in the toilet but they'll be thinking, yeah "someone".

I've had this kind of awkwardness before but only with strangers. You go to a public loo, the place is stinking or fouled in some way. On your way out you pass somebody coming in and you're thinking, they'll think I'm disgusting!

Anyone else had this problem or know what to do in this situation?

I'd just have continued on my way back to my car and drove on, not having given a single fcuk, fairly certain in the knowledge that my neighbour was unlikely to give a single fcuk either tbh.

Micky Dolenz

Simple.

"How ya <insert name here> You don't want to use them. some durty fcuker has shat all over the seat. Highly unpleasant"

franktheplank

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Simple.

"How ya <insert name here> You don't want to use them. some durty fcuker has shat all over the seat. Highly unpleasant"

But he's been waiting outside for me to come out. He'll know I used them.

He's still gonna think it's me.

Perhaps I should have created a scapegoat. "How ya. You don't want to use them. I think dirty tom from down the road shat all over the seat. I saw him leaving looking fierce guilty and with poo stains on his pants."

Sam Kade

franktheplank wrote: »

But he's been waiting outside for me to come out. He'll know I used them.

He's still gonna think it's me.

Perhaps I should have created a scapegoat. "How ya. You don't want to use them. I think dirty tom from down the road shat all over the seat. I saw him leaving looking fierce guilty and with poo stains on his pants."

Ok Frank but why do you and your neighbour go to the local garage to use the toilet

franktheplank

Sam Kade wrote: »

Ok Frank but why do you and your neighbour go to the local garage to use the toilet

Like I said it's out in the country. My house is 20 mins away, his is a bit further again.

I don't think either of us were expecting what lay in store for us.

El Guapo!

You should have just winked at him and said "Fcuk me, that curry went straight through me!"
And then just left.

danslevent

As hard as this may be, just try forget about it! It's not like anyone is going to say anything to you, and if he ever mentioned it it would just seem petty and weird.

I know it's difficult but, relax guy!:D

cartell_best

Just tell him if he doesn't want a bowel evacuation that resembles a pig factory with norovirus losing all muscle control all over his Ford Mondeo, He'll keep quiet...

mckenzie84

Burn his house down. That'll learn him!

admiralofthefleet

by the way of anyone is travelling southbound on the N11 and is bursting for a piss, the code for the jax in the garage in kilmacanogue is 1478

ArtyM

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

by the way of anyone is travelling southbound on the N11 and is bursting for a piss, the code for the jax in the garage in kilmacanogue is 1478

This just went straight into my top 5 weirdest post I have ever seen on Boards.

Czarcasm

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

by the way of anyone is travelling southbound on the N11 and is bursting for a piss, the code for the jax in the garage in kilmacanogue is 1478

admiralofthefleet

ArtyM wrote: »

This just went straight into my top 5 weirdest post I have ever seen on Boards.

save you having to queue and buy something just to have a piss

Senna

What kind of toolbag would go around telling people they seen X coming out of a toilet and there was sh1t on the seat???
What would you think if someone told you this? I'd think less of the person telling the story than the person who did sh1t on the seat.

Pottler

Next time you see him, just ask if he was able to stomach the state of that jax. Pick someone you both know and don't like and claim they used it before you and left it like that. Sound indignant, really indignant. And then pray to your God for forgivness. Personally, I think you are the phantom logger and are just covering your trail, but who am I to judge.

awec

I don't understand how public bogs get so disgusting. When at home, people presumably sh*t into the toilet. Why does that become so difficult for some on a public toilet?

Merch

ah what a laugh, some posts
Having come across this before, id suggest having a look before closing yourself in, nothing worse than locking the door, lifting the lid and seeing the gawd awful mess some ****ers can make, animals, especially if the whole things is blocked up and you have to do an immediate u-turn.
I cant imagine how they manage at home??

poisonated

I love the countryside but it's amazing how such trivial things carry such importance there. In the city, people would not give a sh.it....pun slightly intended.

SoulTrader

awec wrote: »

I don't understand how public bogs get so disgusting. When at home, people presumably sh*t into the toilet. Why does that become so difficult for some on a public toilet?

I don't know, but I would guess it's because people squat in public toilets, and they don't quite grasp the angle they're crapping at. The ironic thing is, these squatters are too hygienic to sit on a public toilet seat for fear of picking up germs, but they then leave said public toilet seat covered in faeces, a much worse situation for the next person than the one they were trying to avoid.

skyfall2012

Ask yourself what would Jesus have done

franktheplank

SoulTrader wrote: »

I don't know, but I would guess it's because people squat in public toilets, and they don't quite grasp the angle they're crapping at. The ironic thing is, these squatters are too hygienic to sit on a public toilet seat for fear of picking up germs, but they then leave said public toilet seat covered in faeces, a much worse situation for the next person than the one they were trying to avoid.

Well I can't be 100% sure of the mechanics that lead to this situation (as it wasn't me) it would appear something similar occurred on this occasion.

There was a fully formed turd just on the back of the seat itself. Like they squatted about a foot further back than they intended.

Jesus Shaves

You shall from now on always be known as "skidmark" to your neighbour

Truncheon Rouge

skyfall2012 wrote: »

Ask yourself what would Jesus have done

good idea. the news of your death will outweigh the poo related news, plus your neighbour will be socially prevented from making poo related allegations.
then you simply resurrect yourself/respawn three days later and its all blown over.

skyfall2012

Truncheon Rouge wrote: »

good idea. the news of your death will outweigh the poo related news, plus your neighbour will be socially prevented from making poo related allegations.
then you simply resurrect yourself/respawn three days later and its all blown over.

It's the only logical answer OP.

franktheplank

Truncheon Rouge wrote: »

good idea. the news of your death will outweigh the poo related news, plus your neighbour will be socially prevented from making poo related allegations.
then you simply resurrect yourself/respawn three days later and its all blown over.

Mods alert* Please don't let this turn into a religion thread.

But there is a certain logic to what you say. It could work against me though. Any negative story that circulates about me and it'll be added on.

"and do ya know what else Frank does? ****s all over the toilet seat that's what"

On the other hand a truly heroic act and they couldn't tarnish my reputation with this news. That's what I gotta do, rescue some kids from a burning building or what not.

Gotta get planning. First find kids......

csallmighty

Should have shouted "do not go in there" Ace Ventura style.

Ya should have told him to give it a miss.. Been in the situation before and always say something.

mconigol

Ah nothin like a good toilet thread to start the day :pac:

Sam Kade

SoulTrader wrote: »

I don't know, but I would guess it's because people squat in public toilets, and they don't quite grasp the angle they're crapping at. The ironic thing is, these squatters are too hygienic to sit on a public toilet seat for fear of picking up germs, but they then leave said public toilet seat covered in faeces, a much worse situation for the next person than the one they were trying to avoid.

You don't know but you can explain how it happened in great detail, hmmm do we have a culprit?

mfceiling

Sam Kade wrote: »

Ok Frank but why do you and your neighbour go to the local garage to use the toilet

franktheplank wrote: »

Like I said it's out in the country. My house is 20 mins away, his is a bit further again.

I don't think either of us were expecting what lay in store for us.

It's hardly local frank.....i live in dublin - i could almost get to naas in 20 minutes...would hardly count any of the garages there being "local".

Next time you see your neighbour just take a large sh*te on his car.

Ush1

20 minutes is nothing, I've driven Dublin to Cork many a time needing a slash before I left and not stopping on the journey.

Sergeant

Ush1 wrote: »

20 minutes is nothing, I've driven Dublin to Cork many a time needing a slash before I left and not stopping on the journey.

Setting out on a long journey with a bladder full of piss isn't the same as setting out on a journey with an unstable round in the chamber. It's easy pull in the car and take a slash, but you can't just drop the trousers and take a dump on the side of the M4.