meeting new friends

lisad43

Hi
I would like some advice please. I was in a relationship from the age of 18 to 37, my ex-partner was a controlling bully who could be violent, he didn't like me to talk to other people and didn't like my friends as I reckon he was afraid that if they found out what he was like they would convince me to leave him. Anyway.....long story short i got pregnant and we moved away from my area thus leaving me cut off from friends and family. WE split up after 17 yrs and I now have a new partner but the thing that he can't get over is that I don't have any close friends, i can contact my old friends through facebook but as i still live on the other side of the city i have no friends near me that i can pop into on the spur of the moment, no-one who I can just go for a drink with. Don't get me wrong, when i moved to this area i met people through a course i was doing, we used to all go out but after the course this all stopped and a lot of them have their own friends that they go out with at weekends. I have't seen any of them for a while and so now unless i go out with my partner i have no-one else to go out with at weekends, and what makes it harder for me is that he moved to dublin to be with me and i suppose he was thinking that we'd have a good social life with my friends and their partners but that hasn't happened as i've no proper friends really! Sometimes i wish i could just move away and start all over again and meet people but stuck in a neg equity house there's no chance of that.

So ....how do i meet new friends......i've tried classes and stuff but most girls go there with their friends so i'm still the odd one out.

Snoopy1

Ive no close friends either soI feel your pain
I rely on my partner for a lot of things, which drives him mad as he feels pressurised.
Recently I joined a bookclub, which gets me out the house. I used to be into fitness but an injury has stopped me doing anything dor a year, so I cant go to any fitness classes or anything
Have a look for local groups or things in your area that interest you.

eviltwin

Meetup.com is a great way to meet new people who share the same interests as you. It makes a change from the usual evening classes as well.

Its a pity there isn't something like a men's shed for women.

ash23

I was in a similar boat a few years back. And the only way I made friends was to be "the organiser".
I was the one who arranged the nights out and kept in touch etc. It takes a fair bit of effort but it pays off.

It's easy enough to meet people but it's getting to the point where they are friends that takes work. I would often text people and ask could I tag along on a night out. I did feel a bit pathetic sometimes but I had to shake it off.

I mainly met people through work and other mothers at my childs school.
I'm happy to say I have a few good friends now. They all move in different social circles so I still tend to be the one who tags along but I'm always meeting new people and trying new things and now that I'm secure in these friendships, it's less work on me trying to arrange things as things become more balanced.

cantdecide

I think the trick might be to bring people around. Have BBQ when the weather picks up or have a cocktail or games night. A lot of us are big movie buffs so a friend of mine often has a movie night on his big screen.

EDIT: maybe should have specified it's a good way of bringing neighbours and people at the periphery of your group together and developing existing acquaintances into friendships.

Lucyfur

Hi Lisad43,

Welcome to Boards There are a few posts here that really recommend meet up.com.

Boards.ie also has regional forums that might also benefit you

Best of luck.

binxeo

Hi I'm kinda of the same. I have no really close female friends. For similar reasons to the OP. I met my current partner 6 years ago and i felt the same. We moved in together 4 years ago and for cheap rent we both moved to an atea neither of us is from. When we do socialise it is generally with his mates which is fine with me cause they are all lovely. But we have made new friends together on various bike forums which is nuce cause they are our friends as apposed to his or my friends. Maybe you could both take up a hobby together and ypu could meet joint friends you can both go out with together or seperate. If he moved it might not do him any harm to meet new people too!

PrettyPolly155

Courses/Classes and organisations are a great way of making friends! I have a habit of collecting friends from various things I'm involved in (an arts organisation, college, a course I did, a job I had, a sport I play, volunteer organisation). They're not all friends and most only know eachother through me.

However, I've done loads of courses where I haven't made friends (sometimes it doesn't happen). I've found that it only really works when I have a massive interest in the subject matter as I find the people who are also involved have similar personalities and we have a common bond already. I recently started playing Roller Derby and I've made great friends because of that, we're all very like-minded.

Maybe focus on finding something you're really passionate about and get involved with it on a regular basis as opposed to just a 10 week thing. I'm sure you'll find someone you click with no bother!

Lollipops23

PrettyPolly155 wrote: »

I recently started playing Roller Derby and I've made great friends because of that, we're all very like-minded.

Ooh I've always fancied doing that!! Where is it on?

PrettyPolly155

Lollipops23 wrote: »

Ooh I've always fancied doing that!! Where is it on?

You should soooooooo do it!! It is the best thing I've ever done. Great girls, great exercise and great fun. There are teams all over the place.

• Dublin Roller Girls: http://www.facebook.com/DRGDERBY
• Cork City Firebirds: https://www.facebook.com/corkcityfirebirds
• Belfast Roller Derby: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Belfast-Roller-Derby/
• Limerick Roller Girls: https://www.facebook.com/LimerickRollerGirls
• Waterford City Viqueens : http://www.facebook.com/waterfordcityviqueens
• East Coast Cyclones (in Bray/Greystones): https://www.facebook.com/Thegreystonescyclones
• Belfast Rockets: http://www.facebook.com/BelfastCityRockets

Any of them suit your location??

Lollipops23

PrettyPolly155 wrote: »

Any of them suit your location??

I'm in Dublin, so that one! Where do they train/play? Do you get injured a lot?

Stench Blossoms

I found fitness classes a great place to 'mingle' with people.

Or would some kind of evening course be of any interest to you?

Also agree with trying out the regional forums here. I know there's often meetups arranged. I met a really good friend at one almost 3 years ago and we are in touch almost everyday.

yermandan

Try going to a Boards Beers, they're brilliant

PrettyPolly155

Lollipops23 wrote: »

I'm in Dublin, so that one! Where do they train/play? Do you get injured a lot?

Em... well you take a lot of falls and bumps, but part of training is to learn how to fall correctly so you don't get injured. We have had some injuries on our team but it's the same risk as any sport really...........well maybe a little more. You're well padded though. Bruises are commonplace, most definitely, it's like a badge of honour!

Not sure about DRG training, drop them a mail. All the teams are really lovely to deal with so I'm sure they'll give you all the info.

Rachel_Doh

I'm in the same boat. I understand how hard it is.

One thing that's worked all right for me so far is taking some adult education classes. You meet people with similar interests and even if you don't turn into lifelong mates you at least have some socialization during the class.

Another (maybe it's weird) thing that I've turned to when I'm feeling really low and alone – usually late at night – is going on the Facebook Rounds video chat app and talking with random strangers. Every once in awhile you run into a perv but for the most part it's just lonely people from all over the world looking for a chat. I take a lot of solace in the fact that we all find it hard to meet friends as an adult.

Also, if you're sporty and like meeting international folks, you should try the Hash House Harriers - "drinkers with a running problem" – it's good fun and the expat folks are really open and friendly. Maybe see you there?

jjjade

Snoopy1 wrote: »

Ive no close friends either soI feel your pain
I rely on my partner for a lot of things, which drives him mad as he feels pressurised.
Recently I joined a bookclub, which gets me out the house. I used to be into fitness but an injury has stopped me doing anything dor a year, so I cant go to any fitness classes or anything
Have a look for local groups or things in your area that interest you.

I taught i was the only one!!!! i do rely a lot on my partner and sometimes find myself bitter over his life long friends and i have none. I do feel like a loner and it isnt fair on him to lean on so much!

i joined fitness classes before but girls seem to go in groups (with their friends) so you do feel exposed and singled out. It is hard....... book club would be a great idea might give that a go thanks for the suggestion

annica860

Hi lisa, if you like you can meet me for a coffee (if you don't mind that i am 26 and from germany). It only needs to be a little organisation as i work shifts.

Snoopy1

jjjade wrote: »

I taught i was the only one!!!! i do rely a lot on my partner and sometimes find myself bitter over his life long friends and i have none. I do feel like a loner and it isnt fair on him to lean on so much!

i joined fitness classes before but girls seem to go in groups (with their friends) so you do feel exposed and singled out. It is hard....... book club would be a great idea might give that a go thanks for the suggestion

I know, even today im sittimg here alone annoyed because I know hes out with his friends and I feel like I have no one.
I cant do fitness classes at moment due to shoulder injury, and im not a big drinker (however I am goimg to the boards beers), so at least bookclub gets me out the house once a month.

annica860

Hi girls, I am in the same situation. So if you or one of you like to meet up for a coffee or so let me know and we can arrange something. By the way- i am German and I am 26 but I guess age doesnt matter.

jjjade

Snoopy1 wrote: »

I know, even today im sittimg here alone annoyed because I know hes out with his friends and I feel like I have no one.
I cant do fitness classes at moment due to shoulder injury, and im not a big drinker (however I am goimg to the boards beers), so at least bookclub gets me out the house once a month.

I was like that wed night, he went out to see a friend. the thing is, i encourage him to go out and leave me as its not fair to drag him into my situation. I get so annoyed inside about it as i really think there is something wrong with me, it really is hard

l

annica860

I am the same but I am too focussed onto my boyfriend and I guess he know thats which could lead him thinking I am uninteresting. We should all change that and meet up.

Snoopy1

jjjade wrote: »

I was like that wed night, he went out to see a friend. the thing is, i encourage him to go out and leave me as its not fair to drag him into my situation. I get so annoyed inside about it as i really think there is something wrong with me, it really is hard

l

I had such row with hime yesterday, as he seems be able to afford to go out with everyone else but not me. I even accused him of being ashamed of me

annica860

@snoopy: what is he saying when you recommend to go out with him?

Lollipops23

hey, when are the next Boards Beers? I'd be well on for it

Lucyfur

Lollipops23 wrote: »

hey, when are the next Boards Beers? I'd be well on for it

next week

annica860

Hi, is anyone up for something tomorrow evening?

babymomma22

lisad43 wrote: »

Hi
I would like some advice please. I was in a relationship from the age of 18 to 37, my ex-partner was a controlling bully who could be violent, he didn't like me to talk to other people and didn't like my friends as I reckon he was afraid that if they found out what he was like they would convince me to leave him. Anyway.....long story short i got pregnant and we moved away from my area thus leaving me cut off from friends and family. WE split up after 17 yrs and I now have a new partner but the thing that he can't get over is that I don't have any close friends, i can contact my old friends through facebook but as i still live on the other side of the city i have no friends near me that i can pop into on the spur of the moment, no-one who I can just go for a drink with. Don't get me wrong, when i moved to this area i met people through a course i was doing, we used to all go out but after the course this all stopped and a lot of them have their own friends that they go out with at weekends. I have't seen any of them for a while and so now unless i go out with my partner i have no-one else to go out with at weekends, and what makes it harder for me is that he moved to dublin to be with me and i suppose he was thinking that we'd have a good social life with my friends and their partners but that hasn't happened as i've no proper friends really! Sometimes i wish i could just move away and start all over again and meet people but stuck in a neg equity house there's no chance of that.

So ....how do i meet new friends......i've tried classes and stuff but most girls go there with their friends so i'm still the odd one out.

This is my blog and tells my story =] http://lost-girl22.blogspot.ie/ hope its helps , it takes time but you will be your ole self in no time and stronger then you ever thought you would be

tweety33

Hi there, I'm a mum of two boys aged 9 & 7. I'm single and as my headline says all my friends are home birds now. They don't go out no more much.
Iv every weekend free therefore id like to go meet up with girls for coffee in the city and go out in late bars clubs etc at the weekends also.
I'm 33 and I love going out in city, I don't want to be home alone while my kids are I there daddys house.
Id like to meet new female friends to go for coffees:)

Puddleduck

Id be up for this too. I just need to find a dog sitter lol

annica860

I would mind your dog but this would mean I couldn´t join What kind of dog are you having? Is he ok with being on his own on sat afternoon for a little time? Coffee time girls!

annica860

Em. after reading your nick name it´s a puddle dog- obviously