Jobless What Should i do?

WhatNowForUs?

Wils110 wrote: »

Go down to your local HSE officer.....do not take no for an answer

Does that work? just being pig headed about it and not leaving until they help you .

eyeroad yearowl one

burgermasters wrote: »

So i have been unemployed for the last six weeks, for whatever reason i cant get the dole? i have a wife and two kids living with me and also apart from the bills have to pay support for my 3rd child my 1st born, and am behind again, explaining this to the courts they gave me three days to get 400 up for the ex or go to prison,! i had to borrow the money and now have to pay it back they put me in a bigger hole than i was at first? i really see no end to this and am starting think there is no hope for me now or my kids? the ex is heartless and will jump at the chance of having me taken away from my wife and kids at any chance!

Am i just moaning or is this unfair?

Genuine question, but is this realistic? Fella loses job, has to wait the standard 12 weeks for his dole. But within few weeks of losing his job, has run out of all money and can't pay his maintenance and has gone to court already? Surely you get all the missed dole as back money and the judge can't insist you pay more than your income?

Do you mind me asking how much you pay and how many weeks did you have to miss before you were hauled up before the court.?

burgermasters

eyeroad yearowl one wrote: »

Genuine question, but is this realistic? Fella loses job, has to wait the standard 12 weeks for his dole. But within few weeks of losing his job, has run out of all money and can't pay his maintenance and has gone to court already? Surely you get all the missed dole as back money and the judge can't insist you pay more than your income?

Do you mind me asking how much you pay and how many weeks did you have to miss before you were hauled up before the court.?

First of all i have not had a lot of money missed five weeks of support and do mind asking what i pay but i pay way over the odds! Also been hauled up to court the week before x mas! Further more i am not spilling lies, as i said before it was advice i was looking for not being made out to be telling lies.

looksee

I don't want to comment directly on the OP's problem as he has enough to deal with at the moment.

But, even before the comment about his ex and partner being both working I cannot believe the number of people who seem to think that women are devils for expecting support for a child.

It doesn't matter how the child was conceived, as a one night stand or part of a relationship, if you father a child you have 50% of responsibility for it. You are not doing anyone a favour by supporting it, you have an obligation. The comments about 'nagging' are pathetic. Why shouldn't you have to take responsibility for the consequences of your two minutes of self indulgence?

'I can't pay, can you just stop feeding the child for a couple of weeks till I get my act together?' That's effectively what those posters are saying, the caring parent is coping 100% of the time, the other parent can opt out if its inconvenient. And no one should nag them about it.

Wils110

WhatNowForUs? wrote: »

Does that work? just being pig headed about it and not leaving until they help you .

Yea don't be abusive to them they'll get him payments no problem....as long as his case is what he says it is

mckenzie84

Get on to Dano up the road and see does he have a run for ya.

cassid

Hope things work out better for you in the new year. I volunteer in a charity, and I know from dealing with other charities, there is help, just don't be shy to ask for help, with bills,food,clothing etc. Most charities will treat you with total respect, dignity and privacy. Best of luck x

repsol

burgermasters wrote: »

First of all i have not had a lot of money missed five weeks of support and do mind asking what i pay but i pay way over the odds! Also been hauled up to court the week before x mas! Further more i am not spilling lies, as i said before it was advice i was looking for not being made out to be telling lies.

Only 5 weeks missed! Thats only 35 dinners,35 lunches and 35 breakfasts that have somehow miraculously been fed to your child with zero input from you.Being a parent is a 24/7 365 day gig,not a case of paying up when you feel like it.The courts should close in late November so dead beats can have a nice Xmas and not have to be inconvenienced by being "hauled up to court".Amazing how resourceful people are at getting loans etc to pay up when they are looking at a Judge.

Terry

Johnny Electricity wrote: »

Get a job.

I concur.

muletide

Go to MABS or your community welfare officer and seek advice there not here.

As regards jobs apply, apply and apply again.

Don't worry too much, focus on your children.

Hope 2013 is better to you and your kids.

mckenzie84

Being serious, there is some horrible people on here. I feel for you OP and hope you get through this.

eyeroad yearowl one

burgermasters wrote: »

First of all i have not had a lot of money missed five weeks of support and do mind asking what i pay but i pay way over the odds! Also been hauled up to court the week before x mas! Further more i am not spilling lies, as i said before it was advice i was looking for not being made out to be telling lies.

I didn't say you were telling lies. Just thought that you might have left some bits out.

greenheart

100200 shih wrote: »

Why should his child suffer ? not the child fault that he made 2 more children, Too many down people the courts claiming they cannot pay their maintains. Pay up , You made the child, so the women are not using this as a weapon,

I should of made myself clearer, I totally agree with you that men should pay up for their kids, it's only right. But I don't think it's right when the father isn't allowed see the kids if for example one week they miss a payment & then there denied a visit. The kids do suffer then because they could be really looking forward to seeing their daddy and spending some time together.
But your right there is alot of fathers that just forget about their kids from previous relationships when they start a new family.

burgermasters

repsol wrote: »

Only 5 weeks missed! Thats only 35 dinners,35 lunches and 35 breakfasts that have somehow miraculously been fed to your child with zero input from you.Being a parent is a 24/7 365 day gig,not a case of paying up when you feel like it.The courts should close in late November so dead beats can have a nice Xmas and not have to be inconvenienced by being "hauled up to court".Amazing how resourceful people are at getting loans etc to pay up when they are looking at a Judge.

Yeah got a loan so i would not be away from my children for Christmas! And how dare you put me in the light of a dead beat dad? My children come first my first had everything the was needed with or without me! So forgive me for not letting my other two starve so my first has more than needed! After tonight i know now it was a bad idea to come here for advice! All my kids get the same from me but i will not let one have extra while the other goes without! How dare you! My troubles are not the children's faults that's true but enough is enough people!

repsol

burgermasters wrote: »

Yeah got a loan so i would not be away from my children for Christmas! And how dare you put me in the light of a dead beat dad? My children come first my first had everything the was needed with or without me! So forgive me for not letting my other two starve so my first has more than needed! After tonight i know now it was a bad idea to come here for advice! All my kids get the same from me but i will not let one have extra while the other goes without! How dare you! My troubles are not the children's faults that's true but enough is enough people!

If you are not paying all your child support then you are a deadbeat!Kids aren't a pair of trainers.You can't throw them away because you got a new pair.Sounds like your first child is fortunate to have one parent looking out for him/her.The first wife only has responsibility to her own child not those of your new family so if you are not keeping your end she is obliged to use all legal means at her disposal to get that child's entitlement.Shame on you for making her go to law!

Cee-Jay-Cee

Go to prison, they are so overcrowded chances are you'll be out within 24hrs.

Your ex will then have to explain to your child why she sent their dad to prison and think twice next time she decides to try a similar stunt.

repsol

CJC999 wrote: »

Go to prison, they are so overcrowded chances are you'll be out within 24hrs.

Your ex will then have to explain to your child why she sent their dad to prison and think twice next time she decides to try a similar stunt.

Looking for what is rightfully yours is hardly a "stunt" to be fair.

DryCleanOnly

repsol wrote: »

Only 5 weeks missed! Thats only 35 dinners,35 lunches and 35 breakfasts that have somehow miraculously been fed to your child with zero input from you.Being a parent is a 24/7 365 day gig,not a case of paying up when you feel like it.The courts should close in late November so dead beats can have a nice Xmas and not have to be inconvenienced by being "hauled up to court".Amazing how resourceful people are at getting loans etc to pay up when they are looking at a Judge.

repsol wrote: »

If you are not paying all your child support then you are a deadbeat!Kids aren't a pair of trainers.You can't throw them away because you got a new pair.Sounds like your first child is fortunate to have one parent looking out for him/her.The first wife only has responsibility to her own child not those of your new family so if you are not keeping your end she is obliged to use all legal means at her disposal to get that child's entitlement.Shame on you for making her go to law!

I don't post on boards often, I know not to attack the poster only the post, but your posts are full of venom imo, have you got something against the OP?

He is not trying to excuse himself from paying the money, he is just down on his luck and only asking for advice.

You don't know anything about the situation the OP is in but you are calling him a deadbeat father. He is trying to do his best by all his kids and shame on you for degrading him while he is looking for help

repsol

DryCleanOnly wrote: »

I don't post on boards often, I know not to attack the poster only the post, but your posts are full of venom imo, have you got something against the OP?

He is not trying to excuse himself from paying the money, he is just down on his luck and only asking for advice.

You don't know anything about the situation the OP is in but you are calling him a deadbeat father. He is trying to do his best by all his kids and shame on you for degrading him while he is looking for help

You can dress it up any way you want.If you have to be dragged into court to pay to support your own children,you are a deadbeat.Even animals feed their offspring before themselves.It should be a basic instinct not something you have to be forced to do.I do not know the OP but I know plenty of guys in similar situations.Some are brilliant dads and some would gladly forget "family 1" if they were given half a chance.If I wanted to be nasty to the OP I could have used the get a job line that some used but I realize jobs are scarce.

burgermasters

repsol wrote: »

If you are not paying all your child support then you are a deadbeat!Kids aren't a pair of trainers.You can't throw them away because you got a new pair.Sounds like your first child is fortunate to have one parent looking out for him/her.The first wife only has responsibility to her own child not those of your new family so if you are not keeping your end she is obliged to use all legal means at her disposal to get that child's entitlement.Shame on you for making her go to law!

Stop calling me a dead beat dad! You know nothing of my family life with my kids? And she would take me to court for anything possible i have been to court at least 14 times in the last 8 years not because of support because of her trying to leave the country with my child support has never come up untill now! If i sneezed the wrong way she would take me to court she won't let me see the child but i still support it was me who lot tad court to order support because k wanted my child u
be able to have proof go years to come that i did what i could? This has become an attack when all i asked was advice? I am suffering enough! I hope your perfect life doesn't fall as hard as mine.

NegativeCreep

I have no advice but my heart goes out to you OP

token101

burgermasters wrote: »

Yeah got a loan so i would not be away from my children for Christmas! And how dare you put me in the light of a dead beat dad? My children come first my first had everything the was needed with or without me! So forgive me for not letting my other two starve so my first has more than needed! After tonight i know now it was a bad idea to come here for advice! All my kids get the same from me but i will not let one have extra while the other goes without! How dare you! My troubles are not the children's faults that's true but enough is enough people!

Hang on, you were in the position to get a loan? Why didn't you do that before the court forced you to?

burgermasters

token101 wrote: »

Hang on, you were in the position to get a loan? Why didn't you do that before the court forced you to?

Wasn't really got it from friends and family! But it still has to be paid back!

No wonder people take these own lives after being on these things Jesus! Look hard times first time in 19 years been in this situation never been in this type of problem ever! Fact is i am, simple straight forward thing one child has more that they need with two full time incomes, then there is husband wife two children with absolutely no income i can't even borrow any more because i have no idea how and when i can pay it back? What the hell am i supposed to do??

shruikan2553

The other child has 2 full time supporters so its not like he/she is going to suffer from not getting extra money for short time. She sounds like she is just looking after herself. Child support is based off of what you earn isnt it? Whoever is in charge of that should be able to sort something out

Cee-Jay-Cee

repsol wrote: »

Looking for what is rightfully yours is hardly a "stunt" to be fair.

I'm sure his ex is fully aware that he has no job and struggling and in that case it is a low mean stunt by what sounds to be a nasty bitch.

I'm a firm believer in what goes round comes round and I hope she suffers some ill fate which might make her sit up and take stock of what a hateful nasty bitch she actually is.

nikkibikki

OP I really feel for u. you need to get in touch with your community welfare officer, Google it with your area and u should find it, or ask them in the dole office where is the CWO. Sounds like you are really struggling day to day at the moment. Don't b afraid to get in touch with St. Vincent de Paul if u are are having problems putting food on d table. Don't be too proud to do it, feeding your kids is more important than pride! And please get legal advice to get access to your oldest child before it's too late to forge a relationship with them, kids need more than just money.

Wishing you all the best. There are some very nasty people in After Hours. There's a forum for this kind of advice on boards somewhere so maybe post there and you might get better advice. Ignore the nasty comments, don't engage with them, they are not helpful.

Splendour

DryCleanOnly wrote: »

I don't post on boards often, I know not to attack the poster only the post, but your posts are full of venom imo, have you got something against the OP?

He is not trying to excuse himself from paying the money, he is just down on his luck and only asking for advice.

You don't know anything about the situation the OP is in but you are calling him a deadbeat father. He is trying to do his best by all his kids and shame on you for degrading him while he is looking for help

To be fair, I don't think the OP has presented his case very well and that is why he has received so much negativity.
By following his comment about how he 'looks after his first child financially even though it was just a one night stand' with an exclamation mark didn't really gain him any brownie points. There was no need for that-it made it look like he thinks he's gone beyond the call of duty when he hasn't. This can get some people really annoyed and sympathy just goes out the window.

In his first post he doesn't mention the reason he can't get the dole-the 'for whatever reason' line is given when he knew the reason all along. Doesn't help endear himself to posters when full story not given. I personally sympathise that the OP's wife not well and all that but as a divorced mother who has worked over the years while not being well, I find it difficult to accept someone would leave a job because of this. How did this woman cope when the OP out at work at all?

OP-off topic (kinda) but have you gone to court with regards to getting access to your first born? My neighbour had a one night stand a few years back, got a girl pregnant and the mother didn't want him to see the child. He took her to court and now has his son every weekend.

King of Kings

repsol wrote: »

If you are not paying all your child support then you are a deadbeat!Kids aren't a pair of trainers.You can't throw them away because you got a new pair.Sounds like your first child is fortunate to have one parent looking out for him/her.The first wife only has responsibility to her own child not those of your new family so if you are not keeping your end she is obliged to use all legal means at her disposal to get that child's entitlement.Shame on you for making her go to law!

repsol wrote: »

You can dress it up any way you want.If you have to be dragged into court to pay to support your own children,you are a deadbeat.Even animals feed their offspring before themselves.It should be a basic instinct not something you have to be forced to do.I do not know the OP but I know plenty of guys in similar situations.Some are brilliant dads and some would gladly forget "family 1" if they were given half a chance.If I wanted to be nasty to the OP I could have used the get a job line that some used but I realize jobs are scarce.

you sound like a nasty piece of work.

Comparing animals and humans is a ridiculous statement.

Being a father (deadbeat or super dad) requires a lot lot more than forking over cash. In fact cash payment isn't really that high on the list of things a good dad (or parent) should be doing.

We all have periods of bad luck on the job front - don't be naive to think
it won't happen you either.

The reason we have a welfare state is to support people down on their luck.
The welfare has clearly failed in this case which is unfair - assuming the OP has paid taxes for a prolonged period he (and his dependants ) should be entitled to a dig out.

If welfare is good enough for his kids with his current partner then child 1 should be treated accordingly.
So the court should adjust the payment his ex recieves accordingly.
that's tough on her but that's the lot of everybody when somebody loses their job.

As you pointed out jobs are scarse so maybe the OP is doing the best he can.

Wanderer2010

OP i would forget about asking for more advice from some of the pond life here, they just want you to keep justifying your life over and over so they have something to jump on and use an excuse to attack you, scum tend to do that when they have no life of their own, forget them. Do what a few people have suggested and visit Citizens Info for more advice, best of luck.

looksee

King of Kings wrote: »

you sound like a nasty piece of work.

Comparing animals and humans is a ridiculous statement.

Being a father (deadbeat or super dad) requires a lot lot more than forking over cash. In fact cash payment isn't really that high on the list of things a good dad (or parent) should be doing.

We all have periods of bad luck on the job front - don't be naive to think
it won't happen you either.

The reason we have a welfare state is to support people down on their luck.
The welfare has clearly failed in this case which is unfair - assuming the OP has paid taxes for a prolonged period he (and his dependants ) should be entitled to a dig out.

If welfare is good enough for his kids with his current partner then child 1 should be treated accordingly.
So the court should adjust the payment his ex recieves accordingly.
that's tough on her but that's the lot of everybody when somebody loses their job.

As you pointed out jobs are scarse so maybe the OP is doing the best he can.

Might be a good idea to read the thread before commenting - the OP has a sick wife and three children to support, maybe throwing up his job - for whatever reason - wasn't the brightest move. No-one gets welfare immediately if they give up their job.