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Is Getting Married Just Mindless Conformity?

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  • 30-12-2012 5:48pm
    #1
    LivelineDipso
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 510 ✭✭✭


    I was just thinking about the Gay adoption thread and thinking about the need to get married. Most married people I know are not happy and staying together 'for the sake of the kids'. The rest are seperated, divorced, getting divorced...

    Very few I can say are truly happy as a married couple. Most are just playing the game because getting married is what you do...

    What makes Gay people want to emulate this? In some Western Countries the divorce rate is over 50% now and in some parts of the USA is close to 80%.

    Yet people still 'tie the knot' and think it is something THEY HAVE to do.

    It's just social conditioning like religion when you think about it and considering the VERY SERIOUS legal implications of getting married, then why so many people enter into it without due consideration for the full implications and often negative consequences?

    Being in love is not a valid excuse - that's just homones and neuro-transmitters.


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    #2
    Max Power
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,072 ✭✭✭Max Power


    Is starting stupid threads just mindless conformity?


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    #3
    LivelineDipso
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 510 ✭✭✭LivelineDipso


    FionnMcCool87 wrote: »
    Is starting stupid threads just mindless conformity?


    Can't you tell I am single and lonely?


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    #4
    mikemac1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,395 ✭✭✭✭mikemac1


    LivelineDipso wrote: »

    In some Western Countries the divorce rate is over 50% now and in some parts of the USA is close to 80%.

    I did a bit of looking and cannot find this 80%

    Where is the USA has 80% divorce rate?

    Do you mean 8%?


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    #5
    The Dublin Whale
    Closed Accounts Posts: 52 ✭✭The Dublin Whale


    I only know of 1 couple who have been married for more than 10 years and are still happy. Every other married couple seem to be going through hell, yet somehow think they are doing their kids a favour by staying together. Why people still get married these days is beyond me.


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    #6
    mr_edge_to_you
    Registered Users Posts: 3,021 ✭✭✭mr_edge_to_you


    mikemac1 wrote: »

    I did a bit of looking and cannot find this 80%

    Where is the USA has 80% divorce rate?

    Hollywood. Mind you RTE has a high separation/divorce rate too.


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    #7
    mikemac1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,395 ✭✭✭✭mikemac1


    The Dublin Whale wrote: »
    Why people still get married these days is beyond me.

    Tax credits :pac:


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    #8
    LivelineDipso
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 510 ✭✭✭LivelineDipso


    The Dublin Whale wrote: »
    I only know of 1 couple who have been married for more than 10 years and are still happy. Every other married couple seem to be going through hell, yet somehow think they are doing their kids a favour by staying together. Why people still get married these days is beyond me.

    Women pressure men into it. A lot of Irish guys still won't bag their cocks so they end up knocking up some woman they were dating and this leads to getting married.

    Stupid.


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    #9
    Grayson
    Registered Users Posts: 16,126 ✭✭✭✭Grayson


    LivelineDipso wrote: »
    Being in love is not a valid excuse - that's just homones and neuro-transmitters.

    part of it is. everyone, including you, knows couples who have lasted till they were both elderly and were in love.
    Physical/hormonal attraction is only part of it and a deeper bond can be formed.

    But I'll readilly agree that a large majority of people have gotten married because it was expected. not nessecarilly by society but by themselves. It's something a lot of people believe they have to do. Meet someone -> date -> get married -> get a morgage -> have kids etc... (sometimes the steps get mixed around).

    But yeah, marriage isn't for a lot of the people who get married.


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    #10
    LivelineDipso
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 510 ✭✭✭LivelineDipso


    Grayson wrote: »
    part of it is. everyone, including you, knows couples who have lasted till they were both elderly and were in love.
    Physical/hormonal attraction is only part of it and a deeper bond can be formed.


    CREATIONIST!
    (sorry couldn't help myself)


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    #11
    dd972
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,563 ✭✭✭dd972


    Just as absurd is the way single or celibate folk are looked down upon as though their lives are less authentic or worthy especially if they're not ''getting any'', a lot of single folk don't make a conscious decision to emulate Morrissey and not have relationships, it's just the way the cookie crumbles for them.

    Most of the most stultifyingly dull people I've encountered are married and some of the most interesting folk I've met have been single.

    You don't need to be married to have a life.


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    #12
    galwayrush
    Registered Users Posts: 12,815 ✭✭✭✭galwayrush


    16 years married here, it's been fantastic.:)


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    #13
    darced
    Registered Users Posts: 7,056 ✭✭✭darced


    This post has been deleted.


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    #14
    HondaSami
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,713 ✭✭✭HondaSami


    Most marriages go through ups and downs same as any long term relationship, some people stay together for the wrong reasons but many stay together because they want to.
    No couple is perfect but compromise on both sides will make life easier and happier imo.


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    #15
    Grayson
    Registered Users Posts: 16,126 ✭✭✭✭Grayson


    dd972 wrote: »
    Just as absurd is the way single or celibate folk are looked down upon as though their lives are less authentic or worthy especially if they're not ''getting any'', a lot of single folk don't make a conscious decision to emulate Morrissey and not have relationships, it's just the way the cookie crumbles for them.

    Most of the most stultifyingly dull people I've encountered are married and some of the most interesting folk I've met have been single.

    You don't need to be married to have a life.

    I know some married couples who are the dullest people you will ever meet. Ok, they were dull as single people, but as married people they are just seemed to get worse.


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    #16
    3ndahalfof6
    Registered Users Posts: 5,184 ✭✭✭3ndahalfof6


    No it is just mindless, what a waste of money.


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    #17
    HondaSami
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,713 ✭✭✭HondaSami


    darced wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    What is the difference in your longterm relationship and a married one?
    why are you happy you did not get married? is it any easier to leave a relationship that does not have a marriage certificate?


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    #18
    Fromthetrees
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,846 ✭✭✭Fromthetrees


    Marriage isn't for some, one of my best buds is going out with the mother of his child years and years. I think it's for anti religious reasons.

    I personally think marriage can be good. Getting married, having kids and being a nuclear family is the ideal situation. It might be social conformity for some but marriage certainly has it's place in society, I think it is the cornerstone with which a country is glued together.


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    #19
    Kintarō Hattori
    Registered Users Posts: 14,964 ✭✭✭✭Kintarō Hattori


    Getting married when you don't really love the person isn't mindless conformity- it's just plain stupid. In my humble opinion there are a lot of stupid people in this world OP. If a large segment of people you know are married but not in love, I can only hazard a guess that you know a lot of stupid people.

    Call me old fashioned but I'd only ever get married if I truly loved the other person as with the act of marriage you're making a symbolic statement to that person- that they are the one, you love them dearly and want to spend the rest of your days with them.

    I'm with my partner 8 years. We'll get married eventually, when the timing is right. Before marriage came saving for a home, then a car and a little restocking of savings.

    Marry someone you don't love- you're an idiot. Marry someone you love- it's a showing of the commitment you have for that person.


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    #20
    Agricola
    Registered Users Posts: 6,547 ✭✭✭Agricola


    Theres the guilt too! Friend of mine is with his gf 5 years now. Hes 29, shes 34. Hes keeping his head down and hoping it goes away but it won't. Hes getting it in the neck bigtime from his future in-laws, his own family and from various others. Her clock is ticking and if he doesnt man up soon, she will do it for him I reckon! :D


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    #21
    UCDVet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,894 ✭✭✭UCDVet


    Yes, married people are just mindless conformists...

    And it only took decades of declining marriage rates/increasing divorce rates for a brave non-conformist, such as yourself, to speak out against it!


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    #22
    SmilingLurker
    Registered Users Posts: 222 ✭✭SmilingLurker


    I am happily married. Marriage is not for everyone.

    Find someone who will challenge you and your ideas, and will encourage you to do things. Someone you are crazily attracted to, is kind friendly and you can talk to comfortably about everything. It is something that you work on willingly each day. You will not always agree, but if you make someone else's life better by being a better partner it is the most rewarding thing in the world. Then talk about it, if it suits the two of you, go for it.

    I lucked out and met someone who was right for me. I wouldn't have married her otherwise. I had a civil ceremony and am not religious (so it is not necessarily a reason not to get married)


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    #23
    Wattle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,075 ✭✭✭Wattle


    There is a degree of social conditioning involved. Marriage is painted as a magic bullet that will make you happy until the end of your days. I'm not married but I know a lot of married couples who simply fall out of love after a certain amount of time. No one could have forseen it least of all them. If they have children it can become a tragic situation.


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    #24
    Ella
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,772 ✭✭✭Ella


    I know a lot more happily married people than unhappy ones tbh.


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    #25
    livinsane
    Registered Users Posts: 1,090 ✭✭✭livinsane


    I've always thought that people get married because they want to throw an awesome party with all their friends and family. You don't really get a chance to do that any other time.


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    #26
    dd972
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,563 ✭✭✭dd972


    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-20871328

    Just read about this murder-suicide in London, no doubt many a singleton would have passed them by in the street thinking ''if only that were me'', it just goes to show


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    #27
    KwackerJack
    Registered Users Posts: 2,126 ✭✭✭KwackerJack


    Ah I think at this day an age its a meaningless piece of paper and a session to 90%.

    Look at how many people have been married many times, surely that '1 special person' idea was gone by the second marriage.

    Friend of mine is getting married to his Fiancée pretty soon as he wants rights over his children.

    His name is on the birth cert of all 3 kids...for god sake is that not enough :rolleyes:

    Unmarried fathers have no rights yet they have a right to pay for the child regardless :rolleyes:

    So the basically for a small few its love...for other its for basic rights!!

    I know a few who have had a Civil Ceremonial to 'Show others' how serious they are....if your truley happy with your partner then a piece of paper will make no difference what so ever


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    #28
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,814 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Yes in answer to the OP

    http://queerkidssaynomarriage.wordpress.com/

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #29
    Morag
    Registered Users Posts: 8,423 ✭✭✭Morag


    No getting married is not mindless conformity it's a contract which affords people legal rights and protections.

    Having a large, expensive wedding, you can't afford on the other hand....


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    #30
    KwackerJack
    Registered Users Posts: 2,126 ✭✭✭KwackerJack


    Morag wrote: »
    No getting married is not mindless conformity it's a contract which affords people legal rights and protections.

    Legal rights to a persons wealth if it goes belly up?? Legal right over a persons own children??

    My son is my son, I am his father by blood and by my signature on his birth cert.

    My Fiancée took my son a while back and went missing for several days, First question the Gardai asked 'Are you Married' :mad:

    Oh sorry I didn't no the state will ignore the safety of my child because I am not married :rolleyes:

    I will get married but for 1 big reason...to have rights over my own flesh and blood and that is the only reason!


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    #31
    Morag
    Registered Users Posts: 8,423 ✭✭✭Morag


    You don't have to be married to have legal guardianship of your child, you do how ever not get it automatically, you have to apply for it and if a garda didn't' know that then they are an idiot.


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