Not interested or just out of your league?

karaokeman

So do you guys ever feel if you are turned down by a very attractive girl, its because she's "out of your league" or does it occur to you that you just happen to find that person attractive but they don't feel the same way.

I still here some people raving on about this said quote, but is it just a dramatic movie quote that was blown out of proportion, or does it often hold through to life?

Red Hand

It would be that she is not attracted to me for whatever reason.

It's not a big deal, I'm not attracted to loads of people, and I don't go on about leagues or anything.

riveratom

I would say I am not attracted to about 90%+ of women out there. So it's going to be the same for everyone - some people will get ya going but many more won't.

Dravokivich

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Lets just say if I was to try it with someone thinks that there's a league as such, I wouldn't be taking them to a home fixture.

Esoteric_

No such things as leagues, IMO. Looks and personality attraction is all subjective, so what I love, somebody else may hate.

knucklehead6

Leagues are for sports events.

And attraction is subjective. What might make one person weak at the knees might make another shudder at the thought of physical contact.

I also do not go in for the idea of "leagues". I think that is just a framework people construct to either explain away a rejection or to make excuses for not even trying in the first place.

People are like jig saw pieces. They will either fit together or they will not. And it is rare to be able to predict which way it will go in any situation.

cantdecide

There's nothing like meeting someone new who you think doesn't really float your boat and finding that the more you speak, the more you realise how foolish you would have been to rely on physical attraction alone. The mind blower is when you realise that it can work both ways.

Pawwed Rig

Honestly guys as someone who is finished his dating I can tell you for sure that looks mean absolutely nothing unless what you want is a one night stand. I have seen classic beauties bore the hind legs off a horse and girls I wouldn't initially be attracted to turn into the most beautiful people once you get to know them. For long term it is finding someone who doesn't drive you up the wall.
So there are no leagues. There is a bit of snobbery in some of the nite club meat markets but given the right circumstances the most nervous guy can end up with the most stunning girl and vice versa. I have seen it happen over and over.
So be yourself. Not everyone will like you but the right people will

goingpostal1

Usually if I see a really attractive woman, I immediately assume she is already taken. It is rarer than hens teeth to find a stunning-looking lady who is genuinely, totally single. Anyway, average-looking women with big bums are best in bed. Just my experience.

karaokeman

Glad to see so many people agree the "out of your league" ideology is fantasy.

I agree it is rare that women you may find stunning are single, unless (and it can happen) you first meet that stunning woman pretty soon after a breakup (and it has to be soon), you just may get lucky.

Having said that I have liked a fair few who a vast majority would either consider average looking or borderline unattractive.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder at the end of the day, a few others many consider to be the best looking I consider average and vice versa.

Peanut Butter Jelly

I'll put it like this, sometimes the girls are Premier League standard, and I'm Johnstone Paint Trophy standard
So yeah, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy out of my league.

Starokan

LyndaMcL wrote: »

No such things as leagues, IMO. Looks and personality attraction is all subjective, so what I love, somebody else may hate.

+1 could not agree more , we are all unique

SuperInfinity

Looks are so ****ing unfair. I wish everyone was equally attractive.

Peanut Butter Jelly wrote: »

I'll put it like this, sometimes the girls are Premier League standard, and I'm Johnstone Paint Trophy standard
So yeah, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy out of my league.

You still get a shot with the FA cup every year. You perform really well, she's going through a rough patch and exercises extremely bad judgement, who knows.

Galwayguy35

I'm not sure I believe in this out of your league thing but on the other hand, if a woman is very good looking the chances are that the guy she is with is good looking as well.


Personally I've never bothered approaching a stunning looking woman as I'm realistic and know I wouldn't have a hope of getting anywhere.

Testify

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

I'm not sure I believe in this out of your league thing but on the other hand, if a woman is very good looking the chances are that the guy she is with is good looking as well.


Personally I've never bothered approaching a stunning looking woman as I'm realistic and know I wouldn't have a hope of getting anywhere.

Bull****. It's more about personality than people think. Anyone can get with an attractive girl if they have charm and confidence.

goingpostal1

Looks fade, dumb lasts forever. She might be a stunner at 25, but chances are she won't be turning too many heads at 45. Paying a little attention to personality and temperment and her monetary demands/expectations, goes a long, long, long way.

cantdecide

karaokeman wrote: »

I agree it is rare that women you may find stunning are single, unless you first meet that stunning woman pretty soon after a breakup

Fact of life.

karaokeman wrote: »

you just may get lucky.

Lucky if you're trying to bed a fit bird, then sure. Your motivations at different times vary. You might be focusing all your attentions on someone who might dismiss you out of hand because you don't satisfy the prerequisites.

Testify wrote: »

Bull****. It's more about personality than people think. Anyone can get with an attractive girl if they have charm and confidence.

Just like the people who tell you that anyone can sing are those who can sing!

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

Personally I've never bothered approaching a stunning looking woman as I'm realistic and know I wouldn't have a hope of getting anywhere.

This is all about balance. The numbers game is a dangerous thing and you shouldn't discriminate against someone because of their good looks. You may end up making each other very happy.

Pursuing good looking women can be a shortcut to pain alright. Some people will dismiss you if they don't like the cut of your jib, because they know if they are in high demand, someone else will be along shortly. It skews people away from true compatibility. Some will never know what it means to be a fully formed person because everything around them tells them they're wonderful and desirable but it's often just artificial. I mean males and females, btw.

The point is that you might be doing yourself a major disservice by focussing your attention firstly on the ones who are 'out of your league' or those who are likely to have a parade of guys approach them on a night out. Conversely, if you spend a lot of time single and trying to find love, you may as well go mad! Shur you have the same chances of pulling that gorgeous bird on the other side of the bar same as any of them! This is counter-productive. In short, attraction is important but never let yourself be distracted by good looks, it's actually irrelevant to real attraction.

EdenHazard

The sad reality is there are such things as leagues but a lot of people can push above their weight, depends on personality though, you have to have a top notch personality, and/or be respected/known.

italodisco

cantdecide wrote: »

There's nothing like meeting someone new who you think doesn't really float your boat and finding that the more you speak, the more you realise how foolish you would have been to rely on physical attraction alone. The mind blower is when you realise that it can work both ways.

That's how I met my half, yes she was attractive but not my 'type' looks wise...... Or so I thought until we couldn't keep our hands off each other ;-)

I remember a colleague constantly marking a particular girl as a boweler and a minger lol ... Funny thing was he ended up mad in love with her lol

Jesus even the most plain people can turn into hot property when you get to know them .

Galwayguy35

Testify wrote: »

Bull****. It's more about personality than people think. Anyone can get with an attractive girl if they have charm and confidence.

No it's not bull****, so you think a weedy little Woody Allen lookalike whould get with someone like Rosanna Davidson with "charm and confidence"?

Ain't gonna happen.

Testify

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

No it's not bull****, so you think a weedy little Woody Allen lookalike whould get with someone like Rosanna Davidson with "charm and confidence"?

Ain't gonna happen.

It's been done.

Liam McPoyle

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

No it's not bull****, so you think a weedy little Woody Allen lookalike whould get with someone like Rosanna Davidson with "charm and confidence"?

Ain't gonna happen.

It may not happen that often but it does happen.

I personally know a couple of blokes that wouldnt be considered "good looking" but have pulled girls that most would say would be out of their league,one of whom is getting married to one of the girls next year.

The blokes in question are all top notch and as sound a person as you would ever wish to meet.

Wibbs

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

No it's not bull****, so you think a weedy little Woody Allen lookalike whould get with someone like Rosanna Davidson with "charm and confidence"?

Look up Woody Allens exes on the oul google. Some fine looking women in their day and Diane Keaton is no slouch in the looks dept even today. I can think of any number of examples from my own life where men had objectively better looking partners than themselves(they were't all rich either). Funny enough way more men with women "out of their league" than the other way around. That seems to be much rarer. In general though people tend to end up with similar in the looks dept. More than one study has shown this trend.

leggo

Looks do play a factor. Anyone who says they don't is looking at it with rose-tinted glasses (or, in the likes of Galwayguy's case, a defeatist attitude).

BUT...the factor they play isn't major. If you're looking for a girl in a club, a stunning-looking girl is more inclined to give you time of day if you're traditionally good-looking (with on-trend style and haircut to match). That still doesn't mean it's impossible to get time of day off them if you don't have that look, though. You just have to get creative then.

That paragraph right there is really the only factor looks play in attracting someone. That's it.

Once you're talking to someone, it's all about you. I can think of countless women who I haven't fancied initially who I later grew attracted to because of their personality. I'd then notice attractive things about them that I wouldn't have to begin with. And I'd probably look at them, months/years since I last spoke to them, and think the same. And I think the same applies to women too. I wouldn't consider myself traditionally good-looking (though I think I'm decent in making myself 'look good', if that makes sense) but I've punched above my weight enough to know that no girl is really 'out of my league'. As such I wouldn't treat them that way, it's easier to get talking to them, etc etc.

Of course, long-term the way you look can also give key indicators as to other things in your personality that people may find unattractive. Our bodies are a diary, after all. So, for example, if you are overweight, it MAY also be an indicator that you are lazy and/or lacking self-confidence in certain areas (it may not, also). So you have to think about that, too.

cantdecide

@Galwayguy35: I really feel your pain. People will talk down to you and tell you it's because you're doing something wrong and I know that it's just not that simple a lot of the time. Like that gag that went around that time 'Always be yourself- unless you're Batman- then always be Batman". Some of are just not made for pulling women. God knows I'm that guy.

The only advice I'll give you is to forget about leagues and forget about attraction, just approach women [that you don't find repulsive] and just make sure they seem approachable and nice and interesting even if they're out of your league. I might get some flack for this but if you see a group of girls all out in their finery each one more gorgeous than the last, give them a miss! Where you see groups of women dressed sensibly with varying levels of looks and shapes and sizes, you'll find character. This has always been my experience.

Galwayguy35

Testify wrote: »

It's been done.

Examples?

Testify

Friends and acquaintances. It's not impossible. A man who walks into a club full of confidence, who looks like he's having fun, with social proof can easily pull a woman if he can hold conversation

Galwayguy35

cantdecide wrote: »

@Galwayguy35: I really feel your pain. People will talk down to you and tell you it's because you're doing something wrong and I know that it's just not that simple a lot of the time. Like that gag that went around that time 'Always be yourself- unless you're Batman- then always be Batman". Some of are just not made for pulling women. God knows I'm that guy.

The only advice I'll give you is to forget about leagues and forget about attraction, just approach women [that you don't find repulsive] and just make sure they seem approachable and nice and interesting even if they're out of your league. I might get some flack for this but if you see a group of girls all out in their finery each one more gorgeous than the last, give them a miss! Where you see groups of women dressed sensibly with varying levels of looks and shapes and sizes, you'll find character. This has always been my experience.

Well I was talking more in general than personally but I suppose if I'm honest about it (and it's easy on a forum like this where noone knows anyone personally) then yeah rejection isn't always easy to take and as men we are destined to suffer it more than women.

Galwayguy35

Testify wrote: »

Friends and acquaintances. It's not impossible. A man who walks into a club full of confidence, who looks like he's having fun, with social proof can easily pull a woman if he can hold conversation

I think that's where dating sites come up short, someone is dismissed immediately based on looks alone, it doesn't matter what they might have said in the first mail/contact.

EdenHazard

tbh though i'd rather have a good personality than looks. im better looking than loads of lads i know, with much better style but i find it hard to talk with people, especially girls. i just can't engage with em'.

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

Look up Woody Allens exes on the oul google. Some fine looking women in their day and Diane Keaton is no slouch in the looks dept even today. I can think of any number of examples from my own life where men had objectively better looking partners than themselves(they were't all rich either). Funny enough way more men with women "out of their league" than the other way around. That seems to be much rarer. In general though people tend to end up with similar in the looks dept. More than one study has shown this trend.

Charm and confidence are different to money. I also don't know what the word is for marrying someone who was a kid and being raised by what would be your common-law wife if the provision existed in the US.

EdenHazard

EdenHazard wrote: »

tbh though i'd rather have a good personality than looks. im better looking than loads of lads i know, with much better style but i find it hard to talk with people, especially girls. i just can't engage with em'.

Pity you're stuck with the looks eh?

RoverZT

If your as good looking and stylish as you think.

You shouldn't need to be using that tip.

Does a good looking girl need anything besides looks?

No.

It's the same for guys.

Looks are enough.

Galwayguy35

EdenHazard wrote: »

tbh though i'd rather have a good personality than looks. im better looking than loads of lads i know, with much better style but i find it hard to talk with people, especially girls. i just can't engage with em'.

And who told you that you are better looking?

knucklehead6

It's all down to confidence.

But it has to be measured confidence. There's no point in going up to someone and being cocky and full of yourself, because that's a turn off.

If given a choice between 2 identical looking twins, where one is full of herself because she KNOWS she is attractive, and the other is equally attractive but is personable we'd all choose the second girl.

having said that, it's very easy to preach about confidence with women.... especially when i don't have a lot of it myself!!

Once i get talking i'm grand, but that initial ice breaker.... That's a killer in my book.

leggo

knucklehead6 wrote: »

If given a choice between 2 identical looking twins, where one is full of herself because she KNOWS she is attractive, and the other is equally attractive but is personable we'd all choose the second girl.

Ever gone out with a good-looking girl who has very low self-confidence? I'd much rather have the one that knows she's attractive.

One thing people don't realise is that, when you speak of girls who 'know they're good looking'...well that's a very small number. Most young, single women don't think so, because they're comparing themselves to Cheryl Cole or whoever else is bombarded in their face as 'What every man wants' and think they can't possibly compete.

Generally, people confuse women who don't give them time of day as 'arrogant' when really they just don't want to talk to you, so they're being a bit of a bitch. I hang out a lot with girls and....well...drunken, horny men are persistent unless you do tell them in no uncertain terms that it's not happening. So that's why you'll get THAT reaction. If you can approach them in a way that lets them know you're not THAT guy and also interesting enough to pay attention to in a matter of seconds, you're onto a winner.

awec

This post has been deleted.

leggo

It's not talking about Pick-Up Artist techniques. I'm just talking about men pulling women which, if you haven't noticed, KINDA accounts for half of the topics in your forum... :pac:

Testify

leggo wrote: »

It's not talking about Pick-Up Artist techniques. I'm just talking about men pulling women which, if you haven't noticed, KINDA accounts for half of the topics in your forum... :pac:

:pac:

knucklehead6

leggo wrote: »

It's not talking about Pick-Up Artist techniques. I'm just talking about men pulling women which, if you haven't noticed, KINDA accounts for half of the topics in your forum... :pac:

methinks awec was referring to another users post...what with yours not being deleted and all that!! :P

leggo

Ah, that's fair enough in that case then, I was wondering because it came directly after mine.

Testify

awec wrote: »

Discussion of pick up artists methods or techniques are not allowed in this forum. I've deleted posts that stray in to this territory, please try and stay away from that sort of thing.

As a matter of interest, why not?

knucklehead6

Testify wrote: »

As a matter of interest, why not?

It's a discussion forum. Not a "how to pick up women using crappy techniques" forum

Galwayguy35

leggo wrote: »

Ever gone out with a good-looking girl who has very low self-confidence? I'd much rather have the one that knows she's attractive.

One thing people don't realise is that, when you speak of girls who 'know they're good looking'...well that's a very small number. Most young, single women don't think so, because they're comparing themselves to Cheryl Cole or whoever else is bombarded in their face as 'What every man wants' and think they can't possibly compete.

Generally, people confuse women who don't give them time of day as 'arrogant' when really they just don't want to talk to you, so they're being a bit of a bitch. I hang out a lot with girls and....well...drunken, horny men are persistent unless you do tell them in no uncertain terms that it's not happening. So that's why you'll get THAT reaction. If you can approach them in a way that lets them know you're not THAT guy and also interesting enough to pay attention to in a matter of seconds, you're onto a winner.

Ok but not every guy that approaches a woman is going to be drunk or an asshole so personally I think there are more polite ways to let a person they are not interested than just blanking him or not giving him the time of day.

And people wonder why some men lack confidence?

EdenHazard

Deleted User wrote: »

Pity you're stuck with the looks eh?

Ah well I'm not amazingly good looking or even obviously above average(although some girls think I am, not boasting they tend to be ones I'm personally not attracted to but my style of clothes is better than most which gives me a few points imo)

My problem is girls I'm crushing on never like me back. I have to assume its something about my personality which turns girls I know off. I'm a nice person, maybe I come across too nice, too weird I duuno.

In clubs I don't exactly pull that much either but when I pull I tend to pull hot girls(imo) so in clubs its not really my looks its more my lack of confidence on that given night)

But that's kinda going off point. I think we know subconsciously which league we belong to and it effects who were are attracted to. I think people tend to reach and equilibrium if that makes sense. However like anything there is exceptions to the rule. I know a girl whose a model and she goes out with this fairly average looking guy, a mixture of his personality and social standing helped him pull her.

leahyl

RoverZT wrote: »

If your as good looking and stylish as you think.

You shouldn't need to be using that tip.

Does a good looking girl need anything besides looks?

No.

It's the same for guys.

Looks are enough.

Looks are only enough if you have the confidence and personality to go with it. I've been told loads of times that I'm a very attractive girl yet I'm extremely shy (unless I've had a few drinks!) around the opposite sex and have never had a serious relationship - explain!

Testify

knucklehead6 wrote: »

It's a discussion forum. Not a "how to pick up women using crappy techniques" forum

Discussion on how we have picked up women in the past is no harm.

Testify

leahyl wrote: »

Looks are only enough if you have the confidence and personality to go with it. I've been told loads of times that I'm a very attractive girl yet I'm extremely shy (unless I've had a few drinks!) around the opposite sex and have never had a serious relationship - explain!

That's my point. Confidence is as important if not more important than looks. I go by a philosophy of not giving a **** what others think of me. That way I have fun and get on with everyone without any embarrassment or insecurity

Galwayguy35

leahyl wrote: »

Looks are only enough if you have the confidence and personality to go with it. I've been told loads of times that I'm a very attractive girl yet I'm extremely shy (unless I've had a few drinks!) around the opposite sex and have never had a serious relationship - explain!

I don't know how old you are but many people don't have a really serious relationship until their mid 20s.

leahyl

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

I don't know how old you are but many people don't have a really serious relationship until their mid 20s.

Really?! I know plenty of people who have had serious relationships since their early 20's. I'm in my late twenties now.