Have you ever bummed yourself up?

Where To

I'm heading off on my holidays in a couple of days, to a place where shallow people and deep wallets abound. It's not a place where the ladies will be impressed when you tell them you're a taximan, so I've decided to tell them I'm in human trafficking.


Have any of you ever sexed up your profession?

DEFTLEFTHAND

Is it possible to give self anal?

NegativeCreep

I have put things in my anus. If thats what you're asking?

WoollyRedHat

Doctor Jimbob wrote: »

OP, what on earth gave you the idea this was a good thread title?

I've got Herpes all over, deard god, please help.

Arpa

Jesus...human trafficking? I know it's a pun, but I think you'd be better off sticking with Taximan mate.

I have "exaggerated" not "bummed" my occupation a few times.

Maybe you were thinking of the phrase, "big yerself up" ........."bummed"............no, no....definitely not bummed.

pappyodaniel

You must be going somewhere fancy like Longford.

Just tell the locals you're a cattle dealer and you'll be wellies deep in clunge.

I see a lock in this thread's future.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Where To, have you ever watched the film "Catch me if you can"?

minidazzler

I convinced a group of girls I was a new made Lord from Skibbereen and that I owned a manor estate with 20 acres of forest, a private lake and some farm land that is rented out. I told them my grandfather had just died and that it passed to me as the eldest son of my father. (neither are dead, I just had to fcuk about to keep the lie going) They believed every word of it.

So, while not my profession, yes, I made my life far more amazing than it is haha.

Rasheed

Be a fireman OP. You'll have to beat them off with a shiity stick.

randylonghorn

First foreign holiday I was ever on, lad that was with me kept telling the girls he was the Connaught Kick-boxing Champion! :cool:

(Same lad couldn't kick his way out of his jocks getting into bed! :rolleyes:)

Surprisingly, it didn't really work! :pac:

ToddyDoody

You were an extra on fair city, playing a dead body Bigger role in the pipeline.

xzanti

Where To wrote: »

I'm heading off on my holidays in a couple of days, to a place where shallow people and deep wallets abound.

Cavan?

Wicklowrider

Told two lady solicitors that me and my mate were fighter pilots. This was back in the '80's and we were in fact private soldiers. I was going out with one of the women for a few weeks and kept up the charade. One day I went to the bank with a mate and we were both in uniform. Bumped into the solicitor outside the bank.She just smirked and asked what happened to the fighter pilots. Mate answered " He was just shot down". And I was.

Gummy Panda

I thought this thread was going to be about people backing into dildos with those suction cups at the end so they can stick onto a wall.

Grayson

Gummy Panda wrote: »

I thought this thread was going to be about people backing into dildos with those suction cups at the end so they can stick onto a wall.

I thought the guy was going to swear he slipped in his shower and just happened to fall on his phone.

mackeire

i had a job at the dublin horse show a few years back. i had to basically shovel sh1t from stables into a pile and then pile it into a wheelbarrow.
I told people i was a pilot.

LD 50

People do it all the time. its called their C.V

call yourself an independent transportation logistics operator
or manager
If anyone asks, just keep yelling "unique transportation solutions for YOU!" and run away

or junior assistant VP

Autonomous Cowherd

Gummy Panda wrote: »

I thought this thread was going to be about people backing into dildos with those suction cups at the end so they can stick onto a wall.

You have ''interesting'' thoughts, Gummy...

kneemos

Gummy Panda wrote: »

I thought this thread was going to be about people backing into dildos with those suction cups at the end so they can stick onto a wall.

Never heard of that paticular one before.

Shenshen

Where To wrote: »

I'm heading off on my holidays in a couple of days, to a place where shallow people and deep wallets abound. It's not a place where the ladies will be impressed when you tell them you're a taximan, so I've decided to tell them I'm in human trafficking.


Have any of you ever sexed up your profession?

Being female, I find that my chances increase if I sex my profession down... Massively.

anncoates

Just say you're a personal transport executive

Where To

mackeire wrote: »

i had a job at the dublin horse show a few years back. i had to basically shovel sh1t from stables into a pile and then pile it into a wheelbarrow.
I told people i was a pilot.

Equine Support Specialist.

doyle61

A friend of mine used to say he was an apprentice binman and actually used to score with this story

Where To

Doctor Jimbob wrote: »

OP, what on earth gave you the idea this was a good thread title?

What's wrong with it?
'I like to bum' and 'I like bum' arr two completely different things

Shryke

Where ya going?

Where To

Shryke wrote: »

Where ya going?

I'm not falling for that one Mr. Burglar. :mad:

I'm going to vegas baby!!

marnie d

On the question of lying about what I do - not since I was a schoolgirl and used to tell guys I was at college!

Where To

Where To wrote: »

I'm not falling for that one Mr. Burglar. :mad:

I'm going to vegas baby!!

See, you're just asking the wrong questions. Where do you live?

Rigol

I think I'll remove that.
Might leave a bad impression.
But don't you deny it.

pappyodaniel

I remember giving a lift to a group of lads going to Ennis. On the way I had to stop at a couple of their houses. When they came out I noticed they had changed into black suits and ties. Their plan was when they got to a nightclub to all chip in for a bottle of champagne and to make sure everyone saw them.

When they were asked what they were celebrating they would tell people that they were all brothers and they had just had a meeting with their solicitor. They were given the news that their deceased bachelor uncle had just left them everything. A large stately home, 200acres of land and about half a million each.

I don't know how they got on but I hope they spent loadsa money and no women gave them the time of day.

Jumblon

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )

When I was much younger, my first ever job was at a petrol station, pretty much pumping petrol. I would refer to myself as a Fuel-Injection Engineer.

Pottler

I have, I bent my job over the sofa and took it up the C.V.

Jumblon

Cloacal vent?

thier

This is the most annoying thread title ever. Can't you change it?

Gummy Panda

Autonomous Cowherd wrote: »

You have ''interesting'' thoughts, Gummy...

I am wiser then my years.. :cool:

Sleepy

The best I've ever seen was a mate who spun the story that he was a marine biologist and when asked about it nonchalantly mentioned the dolphins he trained... :rolleyes:

Worked though.

Intensive Care Bear

Title reminded me of this http://youtu.be/CVBYwntkiFA

Sinfonia

Sleepy wrote: »

The best I've ever seen was a mate who spun the story that he was a marine biologist and when asked about it nonchalantly mentioned the dolphins he trained... :rolleyes:

Worked though.

It's all well and good until he has to pull a golf ball from the blowhole of a beached whale.

Where To

thier wrote: »

This is the most annoying thread title ever. Can't you change it?

Do people not use that phrase everywhere?
I thought they did. A 'bum' here means a person who likes to boast about themselves.

Sorry for the confusion.:(

ringadingding

I used to work in a very fancy restaurant, and people would leave business cards in the crystal vase on the reception desk.

Before I went to Vegas I rooted through them, picking out the best most impressive dozen, and at any particular moment I could be any one of the dozen :-)

Hippies!

I've bummed myself down, I find when I tell women what I do they get over excited and expect me to be something I'm not so usually I pretend to be an average joe soap and see if they like me for me

Frynge

When I was a window cleaner I had business cards made up with profession listed as 'Wall to wall transparency co-ordinatar'

randylonghorn

Frynge wrote: »

When I was a window cleaner I had business cards made up with profession listed as 'Wall to wall transparency co-ordinatar'

Should hire yourself out to the politicians! :pac:

Frynge

randylonghorn wrote: »

Should hire yourself out to the politicians! :pac:

I used to, before this aul recession. It was a great gig I had in the dail, €80 per square foot of mirror I was getting. They never even noticed.

Feelgood

My mate on the dole tells everyone he works for the government.

Tom Dunne

(most confusing thread title ever)

Myself and a few friends were in Hicksville USA some time back and of course when the locals heard the accents they were fascinated.

When the standard question "So what are you guys doing over here" question arose, I cut across my friend who was just about to give the usual spiel and told the locals we were working for the European Military Alliance. Nearby was the White Sands Missile range, so I thought it appropriate to tell them that we worked on software and control systems for missiles. My friend decided to get in on the act and asked them "You know how on CNN you see the missiles, in black-and-white, zooming in on the target?". To which, of course, they replied in the affirmative, "Well, we go around an pick up the ones that miss and try to and fix them."

True Story.