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Have you ever bummed yourself up?

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I'm heading off on my holidays in a couple of days, to a place where shallow people and deep wallets abound. It's not a place where the ladies will be impressed when you tell them you're a taximan, so I've decided to tell them I'm in human trafficking.

Have any of you ever sexed up your profession?

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pappyodaniel

I remember giving a lift to a group of lads going to Ennis. On the way I had to stop at a couple of their houses. When they came out I noticed they had changed into black suits and ties. Their plan was when they got to a nightclub to all chip in for a bottle of champagne and to make sure everyone saw them.

When they were asked what they were celebrating they would tell people that they were all brothers and they had just had a meeting with their solicitor. They were given the news that their deceased bachelor uncle had just left them everything. A large stately home, 200acres of land and about half a million each.

I don't know how they got on but I hope they spent loadsa money and no women gave them the time of day.

Jumblon

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )

[Deleted User]

When I was much younger, my first ever job was at a petrol station, pretty much pumping petrol. I would refer to myself as a Fuel-Injection Engineer.

Pottler

I have, I bent my job over the sofa and took it up the C.V.

Jumblon

Cloacal vent?

thier

This is the most annoying thread title ever. Can't you change it?

Gummy Panda

Autonomous Cowherd wrote: »

You have ''interesting'' thoughts, Gummy...

I am wiser then my years.. :cool:

Sleepy

The best I've ever seen was a mate who spun the story that he was a marine biologist and when asked about it nonchalantly mentioned the dolphins he trained... :rolleyes:

Worked though.

Intensive Care Bear

Title reminded me of this http://youtu.be/CVBYwntkiFA

Sinfonia

Sleepy wrote: »

The best I've ever seen was a mate who spun the story that he was a marine biologist and when asked about it nonchalantly mentioned the dolphins he trained... :rolleyes:

Worked though.

It's all well and good until he has to pull a golf ball from the blowhole of a beached whale.

Where To

thier wrote: »

This is the most annoying thread title ever. Can't you change it?

Do people not use that phrase everywhere?
I thought they did. A 'bum' here means a person who likes to boast about themselves.

Sorry for the confusion.:(

ringadingding

I used to work in a very fancy restaurant, and people would leave business cards in the crystal vase on the reception desk.

Before I went to Vegas I rooted through them, picking out the best most impressive dozen, and at any particular moment I could be any one of the dozen :-)

Hippies!

I've bummed myself down, I find when I tell women what I do they get over excited and expect me to be something I'm not so usually I pretend to be an average joe soap and see if they like me for me

Frynge

When I was a window cleaner I had business cards made up with profession listed as 'Wall to wall transparency co-ordinatar'

randylonghorn

Frynge wrote: »

When I was a window cleaner I had business cards made up with profession listed as 'Wall to wall transparency co-ordinatar'

Should hire yourself out to the politicians! :pac:

Frynge

randylonghorn wrote: »

Should hire yourself out to the politicians! :pac:

I used to, before this aul recession. It was a great gig I had in the dail, €80 per square foot of mirror I was getting. They never even noticed.

Feelgood

My mate on the dole tells everyone he works for the government.

Tom Dunne

(most confusing thread title ever)

Myself and a few friends were in Hicksville USA some time back and of course when the locals heard the accents they were fascinated.

When the standard question "So what are you guys doing over here" question arose, I cut across my friend who was just about to give the usual spiel and told the locals we were working for the European Military Alliance. Nearby was the White Sands Missile range, so I thought it appropriate to tell them that we worked on software and control systems for missiles. My friend decided to get in on the act and asked them "You know how on CNN you see the missiles, in black-and-white, zooming in on the target?". To which, of course, they replied in the affirmative, "Well, we go around an pick up the ones that miss and try to and fix them."

True Story.