What gives you peace in life?

Columbia

With no belief in the afterlife, how do you personally face the concept of death? Are you currently doing things in life that will give you peace when the time comes, or are you pushing it to the back of your mind until old age?

Between the ages of 19-23 I went through a mental crisis. I was constantly aware of my own mortality, and I searched for something to give me comfort. Telling myself it was 60 years away didn't help. It wasn't a depression, these years were the beginning of the happiest time of my life. Life was great, but this very fact made me acutely aware that it was also finite.

Since then, I have realised that travel/education (for me these go hand-in-hand) and charitable work give me this peace, and in the future hopefully a happy, healthy family also.

So what puts your mind at ease, if anything?

doctoremma

Columbia wrote: »

So what puts your mind at ease, if anything?

I'm going to be a star. Literally.

The Mad Hatter

doctoremma wrote: »

I'm going to be a star. Literally.

Dang, talk about your long-term goals…

Sycopat

To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women.

edit: Hmmm might want to read thread titles more thoroughly.

The answer still stands though, filtered through board games and video games.

b318isp

Stoicism, and a growing reality check to get out and live a little.

Obliq

b318isp wrote: »

Stoicism, and a growing reality check to get out and live a little.

Yes, and the knowledge that you can be happy and unhappy with what you have in the present, know that these can be worked on and reflect on things that you could have done better and intend to do better in future.

That great and popular saying is a good one (mysteriously with "Lord grant me" at the beginning, considering it's essentially a Stoic quote).
I lose the Lordy part, add me, and then use it

I strive for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

The fear of death is a tough one alright - acknowledging that I'm afraid of dying is helpful, and saying to myself I'm entitled to feel fear - while I'm reflecting on that, I might also recognise that I also feel happiness, love, joy and respect and I have that in return from people as well. All these emotions, if taken on their own, can be overwhelming, but luckily there is usually a lot more going on in people's lives. I'm a very emotional person and I find it helps regulate my emotions, including fear, if I take them up and examine them like that.

Recognising that there is always a possibility that a loved one might die tomorrow helps me not to take them for granted today for example, and so I can reflect on the joy of how much they mean to me as well as how painful it would be to lose them. Talking with family and friends about how I would like them to feel loved, even in the event of my death is a way of coping with the sadness that comes with knowing that when you die, loved ones will be very upset. I have no fear of there not being an afterlife because I assume I will be gone and know nothing about it!

Fear of the possibility of dying painfully is the hardest one for me, and I can only hope that I don't do it in front of anyone. That's not cheerful, sorry. But essentially, I realise that I can't predict or take precautions about that any more than I do (with the exception of giving up the fags....sigh:() So to answer the OP as to what puts my mind at ease? Constant work I suppose, or I'd lose the run of myself - literally!

magicbastarder

Columbia wrote: »

So what puts your mind at ease, if anything?

ambient 1: music for airports.

CerebralCortex

doctoremma wrote: »

I'm going to be a star. Literally.

You're not sorry to tell you.

CerebralCortex

Columbia wrote: »

With no belief in the afterlife, how do you personally face the concept of death? Are you currently doing things in life that will give you peace when the time comes, or are you pushing it to the back of your mind until old age?

Investing in the science and engineering of SENS.

Columbia wrote: »

Between the ages of 19-23 I went through a mental crisis. I was constantly aware of my own mortality, and I searched for something to give me comfort. Telling myself it was 60 years away didn't help. It wasn't a depression, these years were the beginning of the happiest time of my life. Life was great, but this very fact made me acutely aware that it was also finite.

How do you know 60 years specifically?

Columbia wrote: »

Since then, I have realised that travel/education (for me these go hand-in-hand) and charitable work give me this peace, and in the future hopefully a happy, healthy family also.

So what puts your mind at ease, if anything?

That they're are no rules for how one should live their life, that I don't have to do the same thing as everyone else, that if I die it won't matter a feck to me.

pauldla

Last Sunday, I felt terrible.

I'd had a really busy week. Problems at work (don't get me started), and I teach a lot of private classes to make ends meet. I basically work seven days a week for months on end. Sometimes it catches up on you, and last Sunday was one of those days.

I finished my last class at five on Sunday, and I was wrecked. Exhausted, in mind and body. That's when my wife called me, asking if I wanted to go with her to take our daughter to her dance class. I really didn't want to - all I wanted to do was go home, switch on NatGeo, and veg for an hour or two - but I said yes, sure. Spend some quality time with my ladies.

We dropped our daughter off at her dance class, and then went for a stroll. It was a balmy evening, so we wandered around for about half an hour, window shopping, talking about nothing and everything, and then stopped off for a coffee. We hadn't spent time like that in quite a while.

Then we went back to the dance school, and watched our little girl (she's five) doing her thing with her classmates. Afterwards we walked home, with me carrying our girl ("Daddy, I'm tired...").

Got home, sent the little miss for her shower, and I flopped down on the sofa. It was then I realised that I was totally, completely, utterly relaxed. At peace with the universe. I knew what Monday would bring, but that was OK: Mondays do that. For a short time, I'd had peace, and more importantly, I'd remembered that that peace is there whenever I want it.

You can be damn sure what I'll be doing next Sunday evening.

BTW, any reps from the Readers Digest can PM me at their convenience.

kylith

Funnily enough one thing that helped me through my late-teen freak out about death was Discworld books. It's nice to think of Death just being what happens when you run out of life, there's no malice, there's no anger, "THERE'S JUST ME". It's also nice to think that whatever you think is going to happen you after you die is what happens, that death isn't the worst thing that can happen; death takes away any pain or suffering, and that during the transition there's a nice, quite skinny, guy who likes cats to help smooth out any rough spots.

magicbastarder

magicbastarder wrote: »

ambient 1: music for airports.

actually, i should mention this too. don't laugh that it's jam and spoon; it's a wonderful piece of music. i used to live in enniskerry, and had a lot of afternoons free. i'd go driving around the mountains listening to this, and all was right with the world.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNxkr_QFluQ

Sarky

My death simply isn't important. It's inevitable, so worrying about avoiding it won't do squat. It'll probably be like how it was before I was born, and I don't recall anything unpleasant about that. I'm can affect how I live, though. And how I'm remembered. So I do. And that's a whole lot of fun.

Heh, remember when Donatello tried this thread and dismissed our answers because we were all happy without his douchebag god?

wp_rathead

Tim Minchin wrote:

I am a tiny, insignificant, ignorant lump of carbon.
I have one life, and it is short
And unimportant…
But thanks to recent scientific advances
I get to live twice as long
As my great great great great uncleses and auntses.
Twice as long to live this life of mine
Twice as long to love this wife of mine
Twice as many years of friends and wine

This

Obliq

wprathead wrote: »

This

Yay!! Storm is my favourite For anyone who hasn't seen it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1yxDWxUIM0

ShooterSF

Look just gimme some inner peace or I'll mop the floor with ya - homer simpson

I have moments that briefly overwhelm me with the fact that some day I'm not going to exist as I do now. It's a little sad but because the odds of me changing it are incredibly slim (I'd say none but Cerebral will verbally beat me ) I just have to use it to motivate me to enjoy life now.

smokingman

How can anyone be afraid of death? Really?
When you sleep, you may remember a dream that may have lasted ten minutes in the real world but when you're dead, you don't feel anything; your conciousness is gone just like in sleep.

I'm more afraid of being seriously injured or brain damaged in some way.
Imagine having your IQ drop and having that one last Q seeing merit in "magic" and "spirituality"...urrrgh!

pauldla

smokingman wrote: »

How can anyone be afraid of death? Really?
When you sleep, you may remember a dream that may have lasted ten minutes in the real world but when you're dead, you don't feel anything; your conciousness is gone just like in sleep.

I'm more afraid of being seriously injured or brain damaged in some way.
Imagine having your IQ drop and having that one last Q seeing merit in "magic" and "spirituality"...urrrgh!

That reminded me of a Mark Twain quote. I couldn't find it, but I found a few other good ones by him. Quite a few, actually; he must have spent more time thinking about death than a Woody Allen character. Anyhow, two that stuck out, in the same vein as your post.

• The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
• To die one's self is a thing that must be easy, & light of consequence; but to lose a part of one's self--well, we know how deep that pang goes, we who have suffered that disaster, received that wound which cannot heal.

Mark Hamill

smokingman wrote: »

How can anyone be afraid of death? Really?

I'm afraid of death. It terrifies me. The thought of not existing, of one moment being conscious, the next moment nothingness. And it's a horrible catch 22 for me, because I am equally terrified of eternal consciousness. Somehow, eternally aware, but alone in empty infinity.

Bannasidhe

As long as I can look myself in the eye in the mirror and know that I have not deliberately harmed any living creature just to suit myself and that I have genuinely tried to make appropriate reparations to those I inadvertently harmed I am at peace.

In short - as long as I take personal responsibility for all of my actions and their effects on others I sleep easy.

Sarky

Mark Hamill wrote: »

I'm afraid of death. It terrifies me. The thought of not existing, of one moment being conscious, the next moment nothingness. And it's a horrible catch 22 for me, because I am equally terrified of eternal consciousness. Somehow, eternally aware, but alone in empty infinity.

Hmm. Have you tried alcohol?

Mark Hamill

Sarky wrote: »

Hmm. Have you tried alcohol?

You mean get plastered drunk as a practise run for losing consciousness forever?

Probably a good way to deal with hard questions from kids at funerals. :pac:

Bannasidhe

Mark Hamill wrote: »

I'm afraid of death. It terrifies me. The thought of not existing, of one moment being conscious, the next moment nothingness. And it's a horrible catch 22 for me, because I am equally terrified of eternal consciousness. Somehow, eternally aware, but alone in empty infinity.

I used to be like that until I ended up in hospital about 4 years ago literally at deaths door. Spent a long night fighting to stay alive where every single movement resulted in unbelievable pain for 10 minutes so sleep was impossible.
Spent the night thinking about what is really important to me and what I think the purpose (for want of a better word) of my life is. My conclusion - to try not to be a c**t, but if I am to fess up and stop it, to not tolerate others being c**ts, and be the best person I can be.

I also reckoned that as I don't know where 'I' was before I was born -and as far as I am aware wasn't given a choice in the matter - and I have no choice about dying - and I don't know what happens after that - so there really is no point in wasting the now worrying about the then when there is nothing I can do about it.

pauldla

All things pass. It’s one of those immutable laws of the universe. You, me, everyone you know, everyone you meet or see or learn about, all go the same way. That which is born must die, and that is as true for us as it is for the planet we walk on, the sun we orbit, and the galaxy that homes us. One day, they’ll all be gone, too. If nothing else, our mortality is well-attended.

Bookworm85

Death doesn't scare me too much, what scares me is getting old and not being able (either physically or mentally) to do the things that I enjoy most. I have a glimmer of hope though, both my grandmothers and various great aunts lived until they were well into their nineties, and all of them had their wits about them and had full use of their limbs and senses. All passed away peacefully..I'd like that

Dades

In day to day life, books give me peace. They're what get me to sleep at night when my mind would otherwise be full of life's concerns.

Last thing at night, I close my eyes, mentally place all the issues that cannot be resolved by worrying in an imaginary box and shut the lid. Then I turn my Kindle on and read until the thing literally falls out of my hand.

Bannasidhe

Dades wrote: »

In day to day life, books give me peace. They're what get me to sleep at night when my mind would otherwise be full of life's concerns.

Last thing at night, I close my eyes, mentally place all the issues that cannot be resolved by worrying in an imaginary box and shut the lid. Then I turn my Kindle on and read until the thing literally falls out of my hand.

I can't get my kindle to recharge - I am not currently at peace with the world!

Dades

Amazon have replaced two slightly wonky Kindles on me no questions asked - call them! There's a number somewhere in their support section.

Turtwig

As an immediate action interim solution find a micro usb charger (e.g for a Samsung phone) or use the kindle charger and just keep the thing supplied with juice and read to heart's pleasure.

kylith

Obliq wrote: »

Yay!! Storm is my favourite For anyone who hasn't seen it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1yxDWxUIM0

The one line in it that really stays with me

Isn't this enough?

Bannasidhe

Jernal wrote: »

As an immediate action interim solution find a micro usb charger (e.g for a Samsung phone) or use the kindle charger and just keep the thing supplied with juice and read to heart's pleasure.

Panic over. It wasn't being recognized by either my or OH's laptops - was about to 'borrow' Son's and his OH's l'tops but the good peeps at amazon advised I shutdown and restart with kindle connected to l'top - it worked.

All peaceful and happy with the world again as I peruse the list of recommended reads supplied by all of the good heathens of A & A.

Zillah

Death is a disease. All this complacency with oblivion disappoints me

I, for one, plan for my vitrified remains to be reanimated in a time of off-world colonies and seamless brain-to-machine interfaces.

If that fails then I'll never know the difference given the, by definition harmless, state of being dead, at least I'll have given it a shot.

I'm not afraid of death, but I am afraid of dying. I went through an "existential crisis" between the ages of about 19 and 22, which seems to be common, but I came out the other side with no fear of death. I think a fear of dying is entirely different, though; a fear of dying is a fear of pain and suffering, not concerned with the reality of being dead, but with the pain that dying potentially involves. I don't lose sleep over it, though, and it's certainly a fear lesser in severity than a fear of death itself.

What gives me peace? Lots of things. To name one, though: I live near a large national woodland on the shores of a lake, populated with deer and foxes and just about every other mammal native to Ireland. I love nothing more than walking through it for hours upon hours, especially on rainy days when there isn't another soul around and you have the entire forest to yourself. Wandering off-trail, getting lost in thick groves of ancient deciduous trees, and finding some hidden gem of a pond with a herd of deer resting by its shore, or perhaps a badger cleaning the surroundings of his sett, or a pair of squirrels playing with each other on some pine tree. There's nothing more peaceful than wandering around a forest devoid of humans, losing your sense of time and location (the forest isn't so large that you could get truly lost in it, at least not when you know it very well), and enjoying nature. A little hippy-ish, perhaps, but it's wonderfully peaceful, and in getting lost in the forest you lose any worries that you might have had too.

nagirrac

Figuring out that you can control your thoughts to at least a large extent. You don't have to dwell on thoughts or obsess on them, just say hello to them and then tell them to fcuk off. I am by no means advanced in meditation but I try and find 10 - 15 minutes every day to just sit and practice even something as simple as the above. Something else that helped me personally was realizing the limitations of the mind and stop trying to solve insolvable problems like thinking about life and death. If you think about it in terms of a mathematical paradox or the mind-body problem then you can accept there's just some things we cannot figure out given the limitations of our minds at present. I do believe there is a bigger reality than we are aware of and I think science is tantalizingly close to finding it. The thing that does interest me about death is if there is even the slightest possibility of meeting people again that I loved and are gone in whatever form and in whatever reality we don't understand, that appeals to me.

Supermensch

What gives me comfort about death is that once I'm dead I won't care. As much as anyone, I don't like the idea of not existing or being conscious. But once I'm dead neither of those things will bother me at all, simply because they can. I'm sure the last 10 minutes are pretty terrifying, but I plan on doing an Aldous Huxley, make the last moments of life spectacular.

recedite

The worst kind of death is when a young person dies slowly.
When an old person dies, they often fade out over a long period of time. By the time they die, they have lost so many faculties that they don't care to cling to life as much anyway.
Dying suddenly, you won't have time to care.
Once you are dead, you won't care, no matter how you died.
The odds are good, then.

magicbastarder

late sunday night, powers-infused addition:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hf61K6ZKu_4

pbowenroe

gvn wrote: »

I'm not afraid of death, but I am afraid of dying. I went through an "existential crisis" between the ages of about 19 and 22, which seems to be common, but I came out the other side with no fear of death. I think a fear of dying is entirely different, though; a fear of dying is a fear of pain and suffering, not concerned with the reality of being dead, but with the pain that dying potentially involves. I don't lose sleep over it, though, and it's certainly a fear lesser in severity than a fear of death itself.

What gives me peace? Lots of things. To name one, though: I live near a large national woodland on the shores of a lake, populated with deer and foxes and just about every other mammal native to Ireland. I love nothing more than walking through it for hours upon hours, especially on rainy days when there isn't another soul around and you have the entire forest to yourself. Wandering off-trail, getting lost in thick groves of ancient deciduous trees, and finding some hidden gem of a pond with a herd of deer resting by its shore, or perhaps a badger cleaning the surroundings of his sett, or a pair of squirrels playing with each other on some pine tree. There's nothing more peaceful than wandering around a forest devoid of humans, losing your sense of time and location (the forest isn't so large that you could get truly lost in it, at least not when you know it very well), and enjoying nature. A little hippy-ish, perhaps, but it's wonderfully peaceful, and in getting lost in the forest you lose any worries that you might have had too.

My thoughts exactly. It's not the state of being dead I am afraid of, it's the fear of missing out on life. Having said that, it doesn't consume my life.

seamus

As gvn says, there is a distinction between a fear of the actual dying process, and a fear of ceasing to exist, I think people who don't have either sometimes conflate the two.

I'm not specifically afraid of the process of death. OK, there's a little primal fear there and there always will be (it keeps me from doing stupid things ), but in the end it may or may not be extraordinarily painful, and pain doesn't really worry me. Lying in a hospital bed with a failing heart, or falling off a cliff in a burning train wreck surrounded by rabid monkeys - either way it's going to be fleeting and painful, but not that scary once you realise that you're about to die.

It's the actual being dead bit that I don't want. Maybe "fear" is the wrong word. The best analogy I can come up with is of a child playing on their Playstation and their Mum comes in and tells them to switch it off, it's time to go to Granny's house. He doesn't fear Granny's house, he doesn't fear the journey to Granny's house, but he's so damn engrossed in the Playstation that he will kick and scream and bargain to be allowed stay there and play it.
That's me. Except that I know that I can only play the game once and when the Playstation is switched off, it's off forever. And I'm only on level 3 of a potentional 12 levels, and I'm bloody enjoying myself.
So I'm still kicking and screaming and upset that inevitably, the Playstation will be turned off and I'll be dragged to Granny's house.

I never really understand comments in these kinds of threads where someone basically says, "I can't wait for death, I'll get some peace." Maybe it's an outlook thing.

Anyway, what gives me peace is not worrying about stuff I have no control over. As a younger teenager I worried a lot, about practically everything. I had all kinds of superstitions about how I could or could not influence things (like winning the lotto) by thinking about them or by praying. Eventually I naturally realised that whether I worried or prayed or not, the outcome just happened and I had no control over it. I divide the universe into two sets:
1. Things I can reasonably influence
2. **** that happens

I don't worry about number 2's. And when **** does happen, I don't take it personally because I know that the universe is not a sentient being, it's just a series of causes and effects and when they affect me, that's just **** that happens.

Because I can remember what it was like to worry about everything, I can really appreciate the calmness and peace that comes with basically not giving a ****. I watch people who worry and agonise over things which they can't control and I feel really sorry for them. It's a horrible, scary place to be that constantly keeps your confidence and morale on the floor.

[-0-]

gvn - that sounds wonderful. It reminds of John Moriarty quite a bit. He loved nature and would get lost in the wilds of connemara, some times for days and he wouldn't come across a single soul. This is a wonderful way to find peace. It is pure escapism at it's finest and I find in order to not freak out about every day life I need to get lost like this on my own. There is a large lake near me and you can rent kayaks for 10 dollars an hour. I do this regularly and just get lost on the lake. I often bring my kindle and let the current take me wherever it desires while reading old classics. This brings me to books.

I don't care what you say, literature is man kinds best creation. Reading the words of people who have passed away is still an amazing concept to me. Since I moved to America, and since my wife moved to this part of America, we haven't made too many friends yet. This is bothering her at the moment but it doesn't bother me in the slightest because I have everything I need in life. I have an amazing wife, a very nicely paying job and a mountain of books.

While I am atheist, I love reading about mindfulness and enjoying the moment. This gives me peace when I am doing ridiculous mundane tasks like washing dishes. I recommend looking into it if you haven't done so.

Gbear

Although I initially dismissed this thread as silly, having actually read it, it's a cracker. Great replies from everybody.

I'm still struggling with the question myself but food and cooking are looking like a bit of an outlet and something that really allows me to just work away in a state of bliss.

It's something we all have to do so my philosophy is that you're better off enjoying it.

Shenshen

If I have to be honest, I never saw my mortality as something to fear. I have gone through periods of depression in my life, and if anything, the thought of eventual death (or possibly imminent death, occasionally) has always been calming and somehow reassuring to me.
The knowledge that one day, I will not exist any more has some innate beauty to it.

Sounds morbid, I know, but I cannot describe it any other way.

Shenshen

seamus wrote: »

It's the actual being dead bit that I don't want. Maybe "fear" is the wrong word. The best analogy I can come up with is of a child playing on their Playstation and their Mum comes in and tells them to switch it off, it's time to go to Granny's house. He doesn't fear Granny's house, he doesn't fear the journey to Granny's house, but he's so damn engrossed in the Playstation that he will kick and scream and bargain to be allowed stay there and play it.
That's me. Except that I know that I can only play the game once and when the Playstation is switched off, it's off forever. And I'm only on level 3 of a potentional 12 levels, and I'm bloody enjoying myself.
So I'm still kicking and screaming and upset that inevitably, the Playstation will be turned off and I'll be dragged to Granny's house.

I never really understand comments in these kinds of threads where someone basically says, "I can't wait for death, I'll get some peace." Maybe it's an outlook thing.

...

That's a brilliant analogy. I think I can maybe try and explain how people who say they can't wait for death feel : Imagine you're playing on your Playstation, but you're not really enjoying it. You don't like the game all that much, you don't seem to get what's going on, everything happens a little too fast and it's all a little too confusing. Not enough to make you give up and switch it off, but enough to make you wonder if you're wasting your time here. Only, you know this is the only game you'll get, and mom said as soon as you're done, we're going to granny's house, and you're not all that keen on that either.
So you keep trying, and hoping for the game to get better, or for you to get better at the game.
But you're not really all that into it.

Obliq

Shenshen wrote: »

That's a brilliant analogy. I think I can maybe try and explain how people who say they can't wait for death feel : Imagine you're playing on your Playstation, but you're not really enjoying it. You don't like the game all that much, you don't seem to get what's going on, everything happens a little too fast and it's all a little too confusing. Not enough to make you give up and switch it off, but enough to make you wonder if you're wasting your time here. Only, you know this is the only game you'll get, and mom said as soon as you're done, we're going to granny's house, and you're not all that keen on that either.
So you keep trying, and hoping for the game to get better, or for you to get better at the game.
But you're not really all that into it.

On that note, and your previous one - do you find any innate beauty in being such an individual? One who isn't fully into the game (as the fast paced, confusing thing called life that other people seem to get much more)? I enjoy feeling differently about this "game" these days than the majority of people. I think it gives me an edge that's truly mine!