Are you socially anxious?

Internet Hero

when i am out in public or in social situations my mind goes blank, i cant think and all the ideas in my head go crazy and extreme. i get butterflies in my stomach and i feel really tired if im out for too long on the streets or in crowded shops or anything. its because of my social anxiety. i think most people are socialy anxious but maybe not as bad as me.

what about you? are you social anxiety when you are out in public and is it a constant drain on you? making you tired and grumpy?

Seedy Arling

No.

af_thefragile

Very.

I dread any kind of social interraction really. Though I try to not think about it much and just go ahead and do it anyway when I really need to get something done.
I'm just not very good at talking to people and holding conversations I guess. Most of the time I'm with people, especially one's who aren't my close friends, I spend in silence as I really don't have anything to talk about.

saiint

i get visions in me head of different ways of killing people, random people on the street and what objects id use around them to repeatitly batter them with
do you get that too? i thought i was the only one

phasers

Yep, it got really bad while I was on the dole for a while. Probably a self-esteem thing. It's getting a bit better since I've started college but I still get anxious. I can't think of anything to say and just feel extremely awkward and want to get out of the situation and go be on my own.

1ZRed

Internet Hero wrote: »

when i am out in public or in social situations my mind goes blank, i cant think and all the ideas in my head go crazy and extreme. i get butterflies in my stomach and i feel really tired if im out for too long on the streets or in crowded shops or anything. its because of my social anxiety. i think most people are socialy anxious but maybe not as bad as me.

what about you? are you social anxiety when you are out in public and is it a constant drain on you? making you tired and grumpy?

That college doesn't pay for itself

Suck it up would ya? :rolleyes:

Internet Hero

af_thefragile wrote: »

Very.

I dread any kind of social interraction really. Though I try to not think about it much and just go ahead and do it anyway when I really need to get something done.
I'm just not very good at talking to people and holding conversations I guess. Most of the time I'm with people, especially one's who aren't my close friends, I spend in silence as I really don't have anything to talk about.

yeah i am like that too, except i sometimes have things to talk about or offer but i cant speak because i am too obessesed with have anxious i am and if i talked it wouldnt make sense. ill end up going red and running out of breath if i talk

shopaholic01

1ZRed wrote: »

That college doesn't pay for itself

Suck it up would ya? :rolleyes:

Eh .... that was your master plan, Redzer .

Internet Hero

phasers wrote: »

Yep, it got really bad while I was on the dole for a while. Probably a self-esteem thing. It's getting a bit better since I've started college but I still get anxious. I can't think of anything to say and just feel extremely awkward and want to get out of the situation and go be on my own.

yeah i seek to be on my own but i actualy want to talk to people but i cant because of how nervous and tired i get from the anxiety of being out talking to people. i actualy hate being on my own because it is when i am on my own i am thinking about worse stuff haha

Celly Smunt

it's a vicious circle,the more you avoid it the worse it gets,and the worse you get.You just have to bite the bullet and go out,don't be conscious of what people think as much.

af_thefragile

saiint wrote: »

i get visions in me head of different ways of killing people, random people on the street and what objects id use around them to repeatitly batter them with
do you get that too? i thought i was the only one

I get those too. Its really weird. If I'm alone, my mind goes haywire imagining all the different ways I could get into trouble and die. If I'm driving I gets thoughts of my car breaking down in some dodgy part of town and some scumbag trying to mug me or some crap like that and then I would imagine how I would defend myself and what I could do to fight them off...

I many times also get dreams where I'm in some conflict situation where someone is trying to capture me or kill me and weirdly all these dreams end in the same way that I end up with a weapon in my hand, like a gun or a knife, I point the gun at the baddie and pull the trigger or stab the knife into his chest and absolutely nothing happens. He won't die or go away... and then I wake up!

And I don't even do drugs!

Internet Hero

af_thefragile wrote: »

I get those too. Its really weird. If I'm alone, my mind goes haywire imagining all the different ways I could get into trouble and die. If I'm driving I gets thoughts of my car breaking down in some dodgy part of town and some scumbag trying to mug me or some crap like that and then I would imagine how I would defend myself and what I could do to fight them off...

I many times also get dreams where I'm in some conflict situation where someone is trying to capture me or kill me and weirdly all these dreams end in the same way that I end up with a weapon in my hand, like a gun or a knife, I point the gun at the baddie and pull the trigger or stab the knife into his chest and absolutely nothing happens. He won't die or go away... and then I wake up!

And I don't even do drugs!

i dont get that one

i get my mind jumping around and unable to concentrate when i am around loads of people. and i get tired and headaches from it and have to sleep it off.

af_thefragile

pmcmahon wrote: »

it's a vicious circle,the more you avoid it the worse it gets,and the worse you get.You just have to bite the bullet and go out,don't be conscious of what people think as much.

This is key.
My college course requires me to go and interract with new and different people on a daily basis. I dread every one of these interraction but I have realised the more I think about them, the more anxious I get and the more I put them off, ultimately making things worse. The best way I've found to get over it is to not think about it and simply force yourself to go do it.

shopaholic01

saiint wrote: »

i get visions in me head of different ways of killing people, random people on the street and what objects id use around them to repeatitly batter them with
do you get that too? i thought i was the only one

af_thefragile wrote: »

I get those too. Its really weird. If I'm alone, my mind goes haywire imagining all the different ways I could get into trouble and die. If I'm driving I gets thoughts of my car breaking down in some dodgy part of town and some scumbag trying to mug me or some crap like that and then I would imagine how I would defend myself and what I could do to fight them off...

I many times also get dreams where I'm in some conflict situation where someone is trying to capture me or kill me and weirdly all these dreams end in the same way that I end up with a weapon in my hand, like a gun or a knife, I point the gun at the baddie and pull the trigger or stab the knife into his chest and absolutely nothing happens. He won't die or go away... and then I wake up!

And I don't even do drugs!

I'm not being smart here, but you both sound like you over think things. Living in your heads too much - I suppose introverts do. I love socialising but overly extroverted people have a tendency to annoy. I don't fantasise about killing them though ..............

starbelgrade

Thankfully, I don't have any social anxieties. From what I've read here, it sounds pretty awful.

1ZRed

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Eh .... that was your master plan, Redzer .

No... that was just a hobby..


Sure even then, providing the, eh, 'item' is still a service in itself. Don't you go thinking that's the only head you have to use in those situations

Daveysil15

I hear Cognitive behavioural therapy is good for social anxiety.

af_thefragile

Internet Hero wrote: »

yeah i seek to be on my own but i actualy want to talk to people but i cant because of how nervous and tired i get from the anxiety of being out talking to people. i actualy hate being on my own because it is when i am on my own i am thinking about worse stuff haha

Well I've realised I don't really have much problem talking to people once I get to know them. Like in college I end up getting paired up with different people often, most of whom are people I've never talked to before or people whom I've only spoken to a few times because we're in the same class. Once I get to know a person I don't feel anxious or anything talking to them although I do feel I make an arse of myself quite often but I just shrug it off and not think much about it. Although still I do end up spending good portion of my time with these people in silence as we've got nothing to speak about.

I like spending time on my own too as I can relax in my own quiet space and not be bothered by other people. I have time to do what I want.

zenno

.

--LOS--

ye, I used to suffer social anxiety pretty badly, it still creeps up on me from time to time, I've noticed some signs of it again recently which I put down to being done with college, not having much going on and spending too much time to myself. But at my lowest point it was debilitating, panic attacks, not being able to breathe, feeling myself start to black out and my surroundings going blurry, I could be in a supermarket or something and all of a sudden not be able to see straight ahead in front of me and have to leave. Everything became a huge task, thankfully it was a particularly bad time of my life and as other things changed I felt better.

Remmy

Yep. I'm not sure if it's because I'm a naturally shy person but its pretty annoying. I don't mind shopping for things or doing something where I have a clear objective but just being out 'mooching' or 'browsing around' really messes with my head. Things like public speaking (which are supposed to be real bugbears for people with social anxiety) don't really bother me because there is usually a bit of reason behind it.

af_thefragile

shopaholic01 wrote: »

I'm not being smart here, but you both sound like you over think things. Living in your heads too much - I suppose introverts do. I love socialising but overly extroverted people have a tendency to annoy. I don't fantasise about killing them though ..............

I can't help it. My mind always seem to be overactive, thinking too much.
Even back in school my teachers always used to tell me that I have a wild imagination.

Sometimes I wish I could just shut down all this mental noise and experience some peace and quiet. But then I'm also lately quite stressed with college work. Though this stress (uncertainty more specifically) is something I need to learn to deal with as its something that is going to stay with me for my the rest of my life. I guess I just need to find better ways of relaxing and meditating than spending my time on the internet!

Rothko

I'm never been diagnosed or anything but I'm 99% sure I have some form of social anxiety. I'm the shyest person I know, by a wide margin. I have thought about getting counseling or something done about it but I'm not sure if it would work.

Internet Hero

Cant help it either. i feel it coming on the same way it was since i was in my first day of school and it keeps going no matter what i do haha. i can see that it is holdin me back alot so i would want it to change and pull myself together but dont know how i can if it just happens on its own. nobody knows i am like this either haha just keep it to myself

shopaholic01

af_thefragile wrote: »

I can't help it. My mind always seem to be overactive, thinking too much.
Even back in school my teachers always used to tell me that I have a wild imagination.

Sometimes I wish I could just shut down all this mental noise and experience some peace and quiet. But then I'm also lately quite stressed with college work. Though this stress (uncertainty more specifically) is something I need to learn to deal with as its something that is going to stay with me for my the rest of my life. I guess I just need to find better ways of relaxing and meditating than spending my time on the internet!

Well posting here is a good outlet because it's anonymous. As well as finding ways to relax you could also look at how you could use your imagination, expressing thoughts and feelings in a creative way as opposed to stressing about them.

krudler

I dont like people, so try and avoid shopping at peak hours, going to the cinema when its packed, i'd never go to a festival or something cos I couldnt stand to be around that many people, much prefer quieter places, other people are what ruin everything.

dacogawa

Can I just say you all seem like really nice thoughtful people, good thread to start internet hero

The best thing you've all done is talk about it, that's the start, you would not believe how many other people have this & other anxiety problems & dont want to talk about it, therein lies the problem!

Have a think about some situations that make you anxious (say 5 or 10) and rate them from 1 to 10, 1 being the easiest & 10 being the one you just cant/wont/hate doing. and try to do a '1' a few times, it becomes easier each time (called habitation) after you do it reward yourself! (have a nice long bath, play your playstation, go shopping, do something you really like doing) and when you feel comfortable move up to your next number on the list. you cant fail at this, if it doesn't feel right & you leave or something, that's fine, just try again, you'll get it

Just remember no one can see how you feel on the inside and a lot of other people feel just like you.

Here's a link I found that might help too
http://www.rethink-anxiety-disorders.com/social-anxiety-disorder.html

starbelgrade

dacogawa wrote: »

Can I just say you all seem like really nice thoughtful people

:eek:

zenno

phasers wrote: »

Yep, it got really bad while I was on the dole for a while. Probably a self-esteem thing. It's getting a bit better since I've started college but I still get anxious. I can't think of anything to say and just feel extremely awkward and want to get out of the situation and go be on my own.

Nah, don't do that. I had a time myself when i was like this but that's the worst thing to do imo. Just be yourself, as the way you normally are or when with friends and listen to others and then reply to them. Like many people will say...i'm grand talking to my friends but i get anxious when i'm talking to a stranger or a person i don't know.. but the knack is...be yourself and just talk. If you think about making a fool of yourself talking to someone you hardly know, so be it and progress from there until you perfect the exchange of communication with people you hardly know.

I sure as hell came out with some dumb questions and comments talking to people before and made a right ass of myself, just like a few of my comments on boards but who cares....just be yourself and if people can't take who you are and how you communicate then it's their loss.

Out of a group of people you will meet, 1 or more will more than likely have the same interests as you in some way so just try instead of feeling like that. You might be surprised.

pragmatic1

Yep. Even get it with friends when I haven't seen them in a while. It's getting worse the older I get too.

BillyMitchel

Used to suffer with it severely in my teens and twenties. It's a horrible thing to suffer from. Medication worked for a bit but stopped it because I didn't want to depend on it. CBT was a small help but didn't solve it. It was a serious nightmare but never stopped me doing anything. Going to pubs was the worset because I'd just drink quickly and get drunk and make a bigger eejit of myself than I usually do and then you feel a million times more anxious the next day.

One day I said I have to tell friends so I told 3 or 4 close friends and it helped a lot. We'd talk and laugh and joke about the situation or they'd cone up wirh the craziest situations and how I'd react and it would completely put me at ease. Today I'd get it a small bit but I just say **** it and go into the situation anyway and hope for the best and 9/10 times its fine.

A problem shared and all that but if its really affecting your quality of life go see your doc.

af_thefragile

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Well posting here is a good outlet because it's anonymous. As well as finding ways to relax you could also look at how you could use your imagination, expressing thoughts and feelings in a creative way as opposed to stressing about them.

That I do!
Although I have been getting increasingly lazy as well which is why I haven't done anything much creative lately. But I like to blame it on my final year in college instead!

Tom_Cruise

I walk around with my head down staring at the ground, unless im in a place that i know for sure i wont meet anyone i know, like a new city.

I dont know why, but i hate all that small talk that happens when you meet some one you know - especially people that you dont even know well like work mates, i think its so fake and pointless.

I also try to avoid eating meals at peoples houses.I really dont like the formal dinner setting, the way everyone sits around a table and used knives, forks and napkins. I like sitting in front of the television and not have to follow the dinner 'etiquette', using my hands if needed and getting spaghetti sauce all over myself and not having to worry, also 'passing food around the table' gets on my nerves - get it yourself if you want it you lazy git.

MadYaker

Jesus. I don't think I've ever met anyone like this. Do you have friends? Who do you spend time with? I'm glad I don't have this problem it sounds awful.

flutterflye

I have absolutely no idea how you'd go about not living in your head!
I'm forever told I overthink things - I don't think I do - I just like to think a lot.

In answer to the op - yup - I'm incredibly socially anxious!
Gets much worse when I get depression, but it's always there.
Haven't had a panic attack in a good while, so that's something at least!

Most people wouldn't realise I'm socially anxious at all!
When I get nervous, I jabber on and on and on about nothing - not thinking before I speak, so people don't notice.
That's when I'm forced to speak though.

I really don't like interacting with people at all!
I always end up saying the wrong thing, or people think I'm weird etc... so I tend to I'll avoid all possible scenarios in which I have to speak to someone!
Avoid eye contact, look at my phone, read a book etc - anything but talk to someone!!

So people end up just thinking I'm an oddball, or else think that I think I'm above everyone else or something because I don't talk to them!

Internet Hero

MadYaker wrote: »

Jesus. I don't think I've ever met anyone like this. Do you have friends? Who do you spend time with? I'm glad I don't have this problem it sounds awful.

i have one friend who i talk to sometimes and some others i dont see, spend most of my time with my parents and sometimes my brother but not around much. hard to make friends when you are like this i think and when i do have friends i lose them haha dont know if i want friends cos it is anxious hanging out with people

Celly Smunt

MadYaker wrote: »

Jesus. I don't think I've ever met anyone like this. Do you have friends? Who do you spend time with? I'm glad I don't have this problem it sounds awful.

from when i had it,friends never seemed like friends as such.You'd always bunch people into groups without including yourself and isolate yourself in the process,making yourself in turn more paranoid of social groups of people you knew well.

It's a trust thing at the end of the day.

Celly Smunt

Also anxiety can sometimes come across as being ignorant which makes the problem worse,when really you want the total opposite.

shopaholic01

af_thefragile wrote: »

That I do!
Although I have been getting increasingly lazy as well which is why I haven't done anything much creative lately. But I like to blame it on my final year in college instead!

Well you have to prioritise :pac:.

flutterflye

Tom_Cruise wrote: »

I dont know why, but i hate all that small talk that happens when you meet some one you know - especially people that you dont even know well like work mates, i think its so fake and pointless.

Couldn't agree more with this!
I really don't see the point of small talk.
I have absolutely no idea how to do it.
I couldn't give a flying fcuk about the weather, or whatever shyte people say to each other - why bother talking about it - I don't think anyone actually cares.
Is it just interacting for the point of interacting?
If so - why do that?
I'd much rather if I was standing at a bus stop and someone turned to me and asked me my views on abortion, or something like that, instead of "looks like rain" - eh okay, it looks like rain, aaannnnd.... what am I supposed to say to that? Why are you telling me that?!

bb1234567

Internet Hero wrote: »

when i am out in public or in social situations my mind goes blank, i cant think and all the ideas in my head go crazy and extreme. i get butterflies in my stomach and i feel really tired if im out for too long on the streets or in crowded shops or anything. its because of my social anxiety. i think most people are socialy anxious but maybe not as bad as me.

what about you? are you social anxiety when you are out in public and is it a constant drain on you? making you tired and grumpy?

I have horrible social anxiety... I much prefer being on my own than being with people Talking to people is such a drain for me :pac: Im kind of akward too, a lot of the time I cant think of anything to say. I also go really red whenever anything even minorly embarassing happens to me. Oh the joys of social anxiety!

flutterflye

pmcmahon wrote: »

It's a trust thing at the end of the day.

Is it?
That makes sense actually - for me anyway.
I'd have trust issues alright.
Never associated that with the social anxiety before though.
I'm having an ah-ha moment here!

BBDBB

socially anxious??

not at all, I am comfortable in my own self, I relish the opportunity for social discourse, to engage in witty badinage and exchange polite chit chat with all manner of people from many walks of life, be they lords or beggars................mind you, Im totally pissed most of the time and that helps

Celly Smunt

flutterflye wrote: »

Is it?
That makes sense actually - for me anyway.
I'd have trust issues alright.
Never associated that with the social anxiety before though.
I'm having an ah-ha moment here!

after years of having it that's what i found it boils down to anyway

Defiler Of The Coffin

I wouldn't consider myself socially anxious but if I haven't been out in a while it takes me time to get into the flow of things and become a productive member of the group!

harr

I am a very shy person and cant hold a conversation with strangers or even old friends i just dont know what to say and the situation becomes embarrassing when i am just there standing next to someone and if i do try a conversation i say something totally stupid or out of context.

I am sure people think that i am an ignorant prick at times,my wife on the other hand would talk to anyone and is very socially outgoing,i just hate weddings or any other social outing.
I taught i was the only one so its nice to hear i am not on my own,has anyone overcome this and how or is it to late for me now,I am in my thirties.
I don't mind shopping or going out in general,its just when i am confined in a party or at a dinner table

I even let on to be using my mobile if i see someone i might need to talk to

Internet Hero

for me it isnt a trust thing it is just that i cant be myself because i am so anxious and so much going on in my head about how anxious i am, and it wears me out and i cant be myself so i act like some weird guy. i know i am acting weird but i forget how i act normaly and cant do it when i am anxious. if i met somebody who acts like i act when i am anxious i would think they were just a realy boring and dull person, which is how i act cant act normal. my normal self is much more interestin, but cant be that haha stuck as the other ejit.

EdenHazard

When my confidence is high, I'll be so at ease in social situations, like extroverted in some ways but then when my esteem is low I won't want to leave my bed. Just the last 2 days fore exmaple I don't wanna leave my house because I just wanna be on my own where nobody is judging me!

keelanj69

We should all meet up. Boring as fcuk in each others company but at least we would all kbow why :-D

Internet Hero

keelanj69 wrote: »

We should all meet up. Boring as fcuk in each others company but at least we would all kbow why :-D

id hate it haha. would just leave

somairle

I get anxious in social situations, sometimes if I'm in a crowded place the old adrenaline will start pumping getting the blood flowing to the brain making me feel light headed, but the important thing to remember if your like me is it is impossible to pass out without something else wrong because fainting is to do with lack of blood/ oxygen to the brain, extra oxygen will make you feel light headed but in evolutionary terms this is essential to help you fight preditors. All it is the fight or flight response kicking it at the wrong time, somewhere along the line our bodies have learnt to trigger it at inappropriate situations. I know that doesn't help much when your in one of those situations when you feel like your going crazy but just tell your self 'f-it, go on collapse, do your worst'. Taking ownership of it helps me a lot. Breathing too and trying to focus on other people, not what your thinking.

I think a lot of it is linked to self esteem and confidence, like others have said shying away from it will only create a cycle where your telling your body your doing the right thing by shying away and thus the panic returns harder. You have to bite the bullet and break the cycle.