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First date

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    #32
    stop animal cruelty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,012 ✭✭✭stop animal cruelty


    If l thought the guy liked me & was genuine then l think l would!


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    #33
    Sound Bite
    Closed Accounts Posts: 788 ✭✭✭Sound Bite


    The best relationship I ever had started with me asking a guy out.

    I don't think its a confidence thing really though. It was just an impulse. I thought he was funny, gorgeous, down to earth and that I'd regret it if I didn't.

    What the worst that can happen? Even if he says no, rejection only stings for 5 minutes.

    Sadly it didn't last but I'd do it again if I was interested enough in someone.


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    #34
    cantdecide
    Registered Users Posts: 11,465 ✭✭✭✭cantdecide


    eviltwin wrote: »
    I have also seen women who have made the first move being treated to awful comments in pubs and clubs by idiots and this has put them off doing it again. I know men have to put up with the same but I think men tend to bounce back from those comments quicker and tend not to take them to heart.

    That's a big assumption to make, IMO. I've often see guys being like they're a creep, insulted or dismissed rudely. Personally, I've never seen a guy treat a girl this way (probably a lot of this depends on location). If guys bounce back quicker, it might be because of experience alone.
    jaffacakesyum wrote: »
    Sure only recently I was talking to college mates and two girls in particular said "it's weird if the man doesn't do the chasing". And then when discussing one of the girls date the previous night she said "yeah he's nice, it went well except he didn't pay for dinner" and when I questioned further about this it seemed to be a dealbreaker that a guy wouldn't pay for dinner on the first date!!

    This pair don't know how lucky they have it if all they have to do is sit back and permit these men to woo them (they sound lovely, by the way- not even a bit precious).
    blacklilly wrote: »
    I think in most cases its a confidence thing. I would have to be very sure that the guy liked me before asking him out.
    I have approached men in a social setting and exchanged numbers but the actual asking out has been done by the men.
    I'd love to have the confidence to ask a guy out but I'm too afraid of rejection.

    The real difference between the sexes is that you could be a handsome, intelligent, genuine guy and in all probability, you very well could end up left on the shelf with no apparent interest from women whatsoever. I think if we didn't live in a society where generally just one sex feels that sting of rejection, there would be more empathy and less need for Dutch courage. I mean the dating scene in this country leaves a lot to be desired and I have always believed that this won't change until we all have more equal risk.

    You will read about this topic quite a bit on Boards and what will often crop up is that some men will enjoy the 'hunt'. This may only be in the context of trying to get your leg over and not so to the pursuit of a meaningful relationship but nonetheless, it is often mentioned as a factor.


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    #35
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,309 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    jaffacakesyum wrote: »
    I suppose you know the majority of people personally :rolleyes: :P

    I'm sorry but in my opinion, it's not always a confidence thing. Having dicussed it with other females a lot just seem old fashioned when it comes to dating. !

    That's what they say, but when I ask them further the "old fashioned" ones invariably resort to "but I couldn't ask a guy out! What if he says no! I'd be mortified!" and so they hide behind the "I'm just old fashioned" label instead of realising that guys have to face rejection all the time too


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    #36
    riveratom
    Registered Users Posts: 964 ✭✭✭riveratom


    bluewolf wrote: »
    That's what they say, but when I ask them further the "old fashioned" ones invariably resort to "but I couldn't ask a guy out! What if he says no! I'd be mortified!" and so they hide behind the "I'm just old fashioned" label instead of realising that guys have to face rejection all the time too

    I think the bottom line is that women have an incentive or interest in the status quo remaining. They can have guys approach them, they don't need to take any risk, so why would they want it to change.

    This just makes the confident women who aren't afraid to make a move, when the time is right, all the more desirable :)


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    #37
    jaffacakesyum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    bluewolf wrote: »
    That's what they say, but when I ask them further the "old fashioned" ones invariably resort to "but I couldn't ask a guy out! What if he says no! I'd be mortified!" and so they hide behind the "I'm just old fashioned" label instead of realising that guys have to face rejection all the time too

    Good point. I suppose it's a bit of both then. A lot of women are old fashioned in that they believe the man should make the first move because it's 'not the norm' for the woman to do the chasing, and then on the other side they don't ask men out for fear of rejection or fear of being embrarassed.

    I have no problem asking people out. Rejection sucks but it's always worth the risk. Life's too short not to go for it :)


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    #38
    LeeHoffmann
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,770 ✭✭✭LeeHoffmann


    I think the bottom line is that women have an incentive or interest in the status quo remaining. They can have guys approach them, they don't need to take any risk, so why would they want it to change.
    This just makes the confident women who aren't afraid to make a move, when the time is right, all the more desirable
    I think the status quo only suits drop dead gorgeous women. I ´don´t see much good in it for most people - sure the other women risk nothing but I see no good in having to wait around and hope the right guy approaches you. My OH is gorgeous but way too shy to ever approach somebody - any girls sticking to the status quo would miss out on him. Why limit yourself like that? It would be hard for anybody to walk straight up to a total stranger and just ask them out on a date but that seems like an unnecessary risk (and a little aggressive too IMO). Surely it´s more natural to chat them up a bit first, flirt and suss out if they´re interested (and if they´re worth the effort) before asking them out? I don´t think most people would find that too hard, right?


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