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First date

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  • 13-10-2012 1:28am
    #1
    manicmonkey
    Registered Users Posts: 32 ✭


    Do you think in this day and age its acceptable for a girl to ask a guy out on a first date ? Lads would you be put off by a girl making the first move ? Do you think we are still somewhat a bit backward in some ways in regards to this ?


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    #2
    cian68
    Registered Users Posts: 894 ✭✭✭cian68


    I am guessing 100% of the replies will be that they would have no problem with it and probably greatly appreciate it. Anything else seems ludicrous.


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    #3
    F1ngers
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators Posts: 10,291 Mod ✭✭✭✭F1ngers


    manicmonkey wrote: »
    Do you think in this day and age its acceptable for a girl to ask a guy out on a first date ?

    It has been acceptable for a very long time for a woman to make the first move.
    What century are you living in?
    manicmonkey wrote: »
    Lads would you be put off by a girl making the first move ?

    No.
    Would you?
    manicmonkey wrote: »
    Do you think we are still somewhat a bit backward in some ways in regards to this ?

    I think you might be.
    manicmonkey wrote: »
    Discuss.

    What's to discuss?


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    #4
    manicmonkey
    Registered Users Posts: 32 ✭manicmonkey


    cian68 wrote: »
    I am guessing 100% of the replies will be that they would have no problem with it and probably greatly appreciate it. Anything else seems ludicrous.

    You'd be surprised , some people are strange ! :pac:


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    #5
    glanza__gt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 28 ✭glanza__gt


    i no i am a girl and ur looking for man advice, but for me i would always expect the guy to make first move , maybe its just the old fashioned way or something but things are changing, some girls myt just not want to lose out on somthing they may work


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    #6
    rubytuesday86
    Closed Accounts Posts: 254 ✭✭rubytuesday86


    I've never had a problem asking a guy out if I like him. I hate the whole game playing and rules carp! Tis bull.
    If you like someone go for it :)


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    #7
    Kev.OC
    Registered Users Posts: 825 ✭✭✭Kev.OC


    I don't understand the question. Surely if someone asks you out, they want to spend time with you, to get to know you emotionally, and physically, and if all goes well you all live happily ever after.

    Going after someone there's no guarantee they're interested. But if someone is after you, well then you've a damn good idea as to how they feel about you. And honestly, who doesn't want to feel liked or wanted? Being pursued is a very flattering ordeal...I imagine. :(

    Ideally there should be a poll, but I've no doubt as to how the majority will answer. Regardless of gender or sexual orientation, it's nice to be chased.


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    #8
    MaroonAndGreen
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,249 ✭✭✭MaroonAndGreen


    I think all lads would prefer if the girls started to ask a bit more :P


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    #9
    karaokeman
    Registered Users Posts: 3,328 ✭✭✭karaokeman


    MaroonAndGreen wrote: »
    I think all lads would prefer if the girls started to ask a bit more :P

    +1 in my experience it is still very conventional for a guy to ask a girl out.

    I'm 21 and a college student and I've rarely heard stories about girls asking guys out, I always figured there was a lot more pressure with guys and usually the ones with the confidence win out, but the guys who don't have as much confidence in asking someone out, would need to work on it a little more. Girls seem to be more comfortable with knowing that guys do the chasing, I understand a lot of this sounds like stereotyping but I don't think this thread could attract anything less.

    In summary, no I wouldn't have a problem if a cute girl asked me out, and I am quite happy when I have made that achievement of asking out someone I like;).


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    #10
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I would love it if a girl would ask me out on a date. There's not much need for a discussion really, is there?


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    #11
    tatumkelly
    Registered Users Posts: 713 ✭✭✭tatumkelly


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I would love it if a girl would ask me out on a date.

    So boneyarsebogman... what are you doing next weekend? ;)


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    #12
    jaffacakesyum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    I don't think it's as uncommon as people think. Of course, we still live in a world where a lot of women expect the man to do the chasing, and in the majority of cases the man asks the woman out. But I find it strange that some people have never heard of a woman asking a man out. It's pretty common in my social circles anyway. I've no harm in asking a guy out for a drink if he hasn't made the first move yet.


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    #13
    seachto7
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,863 ✭✭✭seachto7


    Would have no problem with it. In fact, even if I wasn't totally into the person, and she asked me, I would go for the date....


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    #14
    BBDBB
    Registered Users Posts: 26,899 ✭✭✭✭BBDBB


    no issue with it, its very flattering :o


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    #15
    skinny1980
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 21 ✭skinny1980


    manicmonkey wrote: »
    Do you think in this day and age its acceptable for a girl to ask a guy out on a first date ? Lads would you be put off by a girl making the first move ? Do you think we are still somewhat a bit backward in some ways in regards to this ?

    Why would a guy turn down a date with an attractive woman just because she asked him out? That is beyond dumb.


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    #16
    Piliger
    Registered Users Posts: 6,741 ✭✭✭Piliger


    manicmonkey wrote: »
    You'd be surprised , some people are strange ! :pac:

    While I think there is no problem, over in the Online Dating Thread there have been a number of guys who labelled any women who was proactive as being pushy and desperate ........ it takes all kinds !

    But I still say that the woman MUST go for it. Life is too short. If he takes it badly then it's his loss.


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    #17
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 22,324 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    I always wondered why women were only willing to go out with guys who approached them. Surely a more proactive approach by a girl would allow them to meet guys more suited to themselves rather than the man doing the choosing. Girls should empower themselves more in this respect.

    I would have loved to be asked out by a girl during my dating years


    but never was:(


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    #18
    seenitall
    Registered Users Posts: 3,715 ✭✭✭seenitall


    Piliger wrote: »
    a number of guys who labelled any women who was proactive as being pushy and desperate .....

    Too true, and not just in that thread. I would be a pretty direct and proactive person when it comes to it, and it's served me well with other nationalities, but for some reason or another, I have found that Irish men and I are spectacular mismatch in that regard (I'm not Irish). Even the man I met and married in this country is a third nationality again!

    As another woman on that thread posted recently, the Irish guys seem to be a very cautious bunch and it's really difficult to draw them out, and the odd time that I have been really forward in a social situation (as in, verbally expressing an interest in a possible date...), I've fallen flat on my face. So I won't be doing any of that in a hurry again (not to worry, though, I haven't been put off men forever! :pac:); all in all I don't think it's a good strategy in this corner of the world.

    There is something very crude around the social scene here in general, perhaps that's the explanation - it's mostly "get hammered, get a shift, get a ride" (and I'm not into that, I'm pushing 40 ffs! :D). I don't see (or read about) much dating going on - as in, a period of getting to know one another without either the pub scene or the bedroom involved. Although I'm sure it does! [<- big disclaimer] This is just my experience I'm talking about.

    All of which has made this thread a puzzling read for me, I have to say.


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    #19
    walshb
    Registered Users Posts: 54,944 ✭✭✭✭walshb


    F1ngers wrote: »
    It has been acceptable for a very long time for a woman to make the first move.
    What century are you living in?

    May be acceptable, but it's still far from the norm. Women still think it's the man who should make the move.


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    #20
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    I'm a woman. If I was single I would have no problems asking a guy out. All he can say is no. If he had an issue with me asking him out at least I would know he's not really the kind of man for me.

    There is though among some people of both sexes this ridiculous idea that a man has to do the asking. I've heard women being described as "desperate" and "obviously gagging for it" for taking the lead.

    I have also seen women who have made the first move being treated to awful comments in pubs and clubs by idiots and this has put them off doing it again. I know men have to put up with the same but I think men tend to bounce back from those comments quicker and tend not to take them to heart.


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    #21
    seachto7
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,863 ✭✭✭seachto7


    I've been on a few dates with someone who did most of the suggesting as for what to do, and asked me the first day. I admire it and am very impressed with it....


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    #22
    otto_26
    Registered Users Posts: 518 ✭✭✭otto_26


    The majority of women wouldn't have the confidence to ask a guy out unfortunately that's the world we live in.


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    #23
    riveratom
    Registered Users Posts: 964 ✭✭✭riveratom


    otto_26 wrote: »
    The majority of women wouldn't have the confidence to ask a guy out unfortunately that's the world we live in.

    I wish more of them would have, because it's a really sexy and attractive thing to do....


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    #24
    otto_26
    Registered Users Posts: 518 ✭✭✭otto_26


    riveratom wrote: »
    I wish more of them would have, because it's a really sexy and attractive thing to do....

    That's what makes it so sexy and attractive because such a small number of woman have that confidence..


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    #25
    LeeHoffmann
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,770 ✭✭✭LeeHoffmann


    ^ I don´t know if it´s a confidence thing. I made the move on my husband and I don´t see myself as confident at all. Maybe tenacious.:p Anyway, it seems mad to me that anybody could be put out by anybody asking them out. It´s a compliment FFS. A woman once chatted me up (about 8 years ago) and it was one of the most flattering things I´ve experienced!


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    #26
    jaffacakesyum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    I don't think it's a confidence thing I just think people are still very old fashioned when it comes to dating. Like the whole the man has to pay for the first date thing, all the usual crap.


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    #27
    otto_26
    Registered Users Posts: 518 ✭✭✭otto_26


    jaffacakesyum wrote: »
    I don't think it's a confidence thing I just think people are still very old fashioned when it comes to dating. Like the whole the man has to pay for the first date thing, all the usual crap.

    I do think it's a confidence thing...funny how women are not still very old fashioned when it comes to kitchen work!... Or how the majority of bridesmaids still don't make a speech about the bride...

    It most certainly is a confidence thing for the majority of people when it comes to not asking someone out..


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    #28
    jaffacakesyum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    otto_26 wrote: »
    I do think it's a confidence thing...funny how women are not still very old fashioned when it comes to kitchen work!... Or how the majority of bridesmaids still don't make a speech about the bride...

    It most certainly is a confidence thing for the majority of people when it comes to not asking someone out..

    I suppose you know the majority of people personally :rolleyes: :P

    I'm sorry but in my opinion, it's not always a confidence thing. Having dicussed it with other females a lot just seem old fashioned when it comes to dating. And just because someone is old fashioned in one area of life doesn't mean they need to be in others. :confused:

    Sure only recently I was talking to college mates and two girls in particular said "it's weird if the man doesn't do the chasing". And then when discussing one of the girls date the previous night she said "yeah he's nice, it went well except he didn't pay for dinner" and when I questioned further about this it seemed to be a dealbreaker that a guy wouldn't pay for dinner on the first date!!


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    #29
    otto_26
    Registered Users Posts: 518 ✭✭✭otto_26


    jaffacakesyum wrote: »
    I suppose you know the majority of people personally :rolleyes: :P

    No just from my experiences within my life :rolleyes::P
    jaffacakesyum wrote: »
    I'm sorry but in my opinion, it's not always a confidence thing. Having dicussed it with other females a lot just seem old fashioned when it comes to dating. And just because someone is old fashioned in one area of life doesn't mean they need to be in others. :confused:

    That's fine but women seem to enjoy keeping certain area's old fashioned if that area means having to stand up and have confidence....i.e Bridesmaids making a speech at a wedding, asking men out, paying for things!!.....

    Having discussed this with females a good few honest girls told me they didn't have the confidence to ask a guy out...

    jaffacakesyum wrote: »
    Sure only recently I was talking to college mates and two girls in particular said "it's weird if the man doesn't do the chasing". And then when discussing one of the girls date the previous night she said "yeah he's nice, it went well except he didn't pay for dinner" and when I questioned further about this it seemed to be a dealbreaker that a guy wouldn't pay for dinner on the first date!!

    Like I said women see working in the kitchen as old fashioned! because it means working! and they see men paying for dinner as still in fashion because it mean they don't have to pay!!! ;)


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    #30
    jaffacakesyum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    otto_26 wrote: »
    No just from my experiences within my life :rolleyes::P

    Personal experiences indeed. Hardly the best evidence for it being "most certainly a confidence thing for the majority of people"
    That's fine but women seem to enjoy keeping certain area's old fashioned if that area means having to stand up and have confidence....i.e Bridesmaids making a speech at a wedding, asking men out, paying for things!!.....

    How does paying for things require confidence? :confused: I would argue that a lot of areas that women have historically challenged as being old fashioned are areas that require a lot of confidence and balls to stand up for. But feminism is another serious boring debate for another day :pac:
    Having discussed this with females a good few honest girls told me they didn't have the confidence to ask a guy out...

    Oh I don't doubt it for a second. I think Irish people especially, male and female, don't have the confidence to ask people out. Still doesn't mean it's the main reason the majority of women don't ask men out. Most women I know would think it's weird if a girl made the first move; same way they think online dating is weird. It's old fashioned and stupid, but it's the way a lot of people think.
    Like I said women see working in the kitchen as old fashioned! because it means working! and they see men paying for dinner as still in fashion because it mean they don't have to pay!!! ;)

    Well, with a bit of luck old fashioned views like women asking men out being "weird" and men having to pay for dinner and online dating being full of weirdos will soon die out :)


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    #31
    blacklilly
    Registered Users Posts: 2,687 ✭✭✭blacklilly


    I think in most cases its a confidence thing. I would have to be very sure that the guy liked me before asking him out.
    I have approached men in a social setting and exchanged numbers but the actual asking out has been done by the men.
    I'd love to have the confidence to ask a guy out but I'm too afraid of rejection.


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