Funniest things you heard in the army!!!

gripcasey

The grass he landed on was still inside the barracks. Infront of main office building.

SIRREX

gripcasey wrote: »

The grass he landed on was still inside the barracks. Infront of main office building.

And Larry the Loafer, the MP who locked the gates:rolleyes:, left the Corp soon after.

DipStick McSwindler

This post has been deleted.

rednik

SIRREX wrote: »

And Larry the Loafer, the MP who locked the gates:rolleyes:, left the Corp soon after.

Not quite, Larry served in the PA's until the late 80s.

marketty

Here red arse, I was in uniform when you were in liquid form

Yawlboy

A new seaman was on lookout on the bridgewing of a naval service vessel on his first patrol. The Officer of the watch asked him if he saw the lights off the port bow, the seaman said he did, the officer told him to report it properly. The seaman comes back with the fact there is something in the water that looks like "Ballymun Bleedin' Flats" - actually was the Kinsale Gas Rigs - OOF nearly wet himself.

Wicklowrider

bluecode wrote: »

It was but he landed outside the barracks. I remember reading the pilot's account of the incident. He was out of fuel on the wrong side of the border. Here's the pilot's actual account of the incident. He actually stopped for lunch and was clearly unaware of the rank of commandant.

There was a Brit Puma landed in Monaghan Barracks in the early '80's. I remember it had a leaking fuel line. I think it was on the ground for about 30 minutes and there was a general alarm sounded prior to the landing. I remember it was dark, I think about 2000 hrs. This was years after the " lock the gate" story but might be what some people remember.

Funny story I remember:

On NCO cse and a student was marching platoon towards a steep drop into the slaney. He shouted " Buionn..." but got confused as he couldn't see their legs in the long grass. Platoon keep marching but are clearly getting nervous as they near edge. NCO says " Say something , Lad. Even if its just Goodbye... "

Milk & Honey

Young Private is back late to barracks and is charged with absence. At the hearing the CO growls "what is your excuse man?" "I have no excuse, Sir" says Private. "what do you mean you have no excuse? Everyone here has an excuse, no what's yours?". ".I don't have one, Sir" says private. "Sergeant, take this man outside and bring him back when he has an excuse. We can't have this kind of thing going on". Sergeant goes out and says to private "Get this straight "My sister was sick and I had to get a message to my mother and >>>>, now repeat it back to me. " OK, Right.
Back in before the Co. "Now man, what is your excuse". "Well sir my sister was sick and..." begins Private.
"Lies, Lies, Lies, " roars the Co. "7 nights detention."

trad

Here comes Big Bird

Wicklowrider

trad wrote: »

Here comes Big Bird

wasn't there a whiparound (50p a man?) to cover his fine?

CIGANO

If you locked a soldier in a padded room for a night with nothing but an anvil, by the time you let him out the next morning he'd either have broken it or lost it.