wedding favours

lowly26

hi every one,

have just come from wedding fair in rds and while there came across what i thought was a lovely idea, instead of wedding favours making a donation to a charity in the guests name and leaving a card on the table to say so. my bridesmaids and myself thought it was such a lovely fantastic idea as it touches so many live. however my parents thought for that reason it might bring the mood of the day down a little.

what do people think good idea or bad??

thanks

LadyTBolt

I plan on doing just that and I think its a wonderful idea. So much money gets wasted on wedding favours that get left behind or taken home just for the sake of it. Many charities provide various types of cards at various costs. Its definitely worth it.

MILF

I have been sweating over what to have as my wedding favours, and came up with some good ideas, but I really like this idea! I work for Avon and I would love to raise money for their Breast Cancer Crusade as part of my wedding!

amdublin

It's a lovely idea.

And tbh don't listen to your parents. It is a very common thing to do, I have been at tons of weddings where it was done.

liliq

I've been thinking of doing this.
The only wedding favours we would end up getting would be sweets or something, and with a big meal they're not really going to be appreciated. Anything else I could think of, while nice, would just end up getting left behind or as junk...
A donation is such a nice idea, it's a win-win I think

Zaph

Wedding favours are generally utterly pointless and overpriced trinkets that nobody really wants. The vast majority of people will leave theirs behind, either forgetting to bring them home or deliberately leaving them behind. However much as I dislike favours, I prefer them to someone making a charitable donation "on my behalf". If I want to donate to a charity I will, and it may not be one that the happy couple have chosen for me. For example, I despise cats, so I really wouldn't appreciate a donation on my behalf to the local cat rescue shelter. Similarly, the couple themselves can make a donation should they so wish, but I really don't need to hear about it. Charity should be a private thing, done because the giver wants to help a cause close to them, not a public thing that would only serve to earn them pats on the back. I'm not saying for one minute that this is what the OP wants, and I'm sure that their intentions are completely honourable, but not everyone will view them that way. My suggestion, dispense with favours of any kind and if you want to make a charitable donation do so privately. Trust me, nobody will think any less of you for not getting a few sweets or a candle at your wedding and you can still feel good yourselves about having helped a good cause.

Dan82

I think the money for charity is a great idea and most welcome at this time but I do think people find it a little " look what we are doing" at a wedding .

If you want to give an amount of Money to Charity go for it and in a speech you best man could mention it but I'd leave it at that.

We had our wedding in the last few months and we did give money to charity but didn't tell anyone as it was very personal,

We still wanted to give something to people and as we were getting married beside the seaside we collected stones localy and got them painted and then got each persons name put on one and used them as place names, they were loved by everyone and cost us next to nothing so we got he charity and something for everyone to bring home to remember your big day.

I'm sure you could do something like this that would suit you also

clint_silver

I'm with zaph.

If i was a guest at a wedding and read a card that said that id be thinking If you want to give to charity, do, you don't need to do it in my name and then tell me about it. Charity giving is a personal thing that you don't get to make for me, if you know what I mean. I know some people would think thats really nice but while I'm an easy going chap, Id definitely feel a bit strange about it.

I can see what your parents were thinking.

amdublin

Maybe don't say you've made the donation in the guests name.

Just say "in lieu of wedding favours a donation has been made to a local charity"

Moonbeam

I just would not bother with wedding favours.

Clareman

Why not meet halfway and get a charity token to give to everyone, something like shopping trolley tokens for the Irish Cancer Society.

woodchuck

It sounds like the sort of thing that for every person who thinks it's a great idea there'll be someone else who thinks it's a bad idea.

If you choose to donate money to charity instead of having wedding favours then that's great, but I don't know why you'd need to draw attention to it?

lowly26

we were thinking on getting one of their wedding favours products instead of simply throwing 100 or so euro away on something stupid the money will be going to a good cause and theres still a little favour on the table for people to keep

Sleepy

Of the last four weddings I've been to, only one had favours. They were a stupid idea when the yanks started doing them and they're still an awful waste of money imo.

As you might guess, we're not bothering with them. Far better to spend an extra couple of euro on each bottle of wine or on upgrading the meal imo.

rainbowtrout

Sleepy wrote: »

Of the last four weddings I've been to, only one had favours. They were a stupid idea when the yanks started doing them and they're still an awful waste of money imo.

As you might guess, we're not bothering with them. Far better to spend an extra couple of euro on each bottle of wine or on upgrading the meal imo.

Too true. Haven't seen favours at any wedding I've been at in the last 2 years. Waste of money. I'd agree with above and prefer to see the money spent on better wine, slightly better meal than on something to throw in the back of the drawer. I was at the wedding, I took photos. I have enough memories between them. I don't need more crap cluttering up my house.

pwurple

Agree, skip the favours. We didn't do them, and i haven't seen them at a wedding in a long while.

The charity thing... "Look how charitable we are" is always a little icky. Charity is private.

clint_silver

lowly26 wrote: »

we were thinking on getting one of their wedding favours products instead of simply throwing 100 or so euro away on something stupid the money will be going to a good cause and theres still a little favour on the table for people to keep

It's kind of the same thing really. As you can see from reactions here it's very 50/50 whether people are into the charity aspect of it let alone the favour bit which most seem to be not. If you have a figure, lets say its 300e I'd rather hear in a best mans speech that you'd donated the 300 to your charity of choice rather then put 70e worth of cheap Chinese toys on the table that will end up in the bin 2 months later when people clean out their cars.
Not to do a disservice to any particular charities trinkets which are used to generate revenue.

Minier81

Wedding favours are a total gimic, I would leave them out. I'm not into flaunting my charity donations either though - most of mien friend made a donation to the charity of their choice but didn't bother putting signs on the table announcing it. Personally that the route I'll be taking.

Gatica

Dan82 wrote: »

If you want to give an amount of Money to Charity go for it and in a speech you best man could mention it but I'd leave it at that.

If you want your guests to know that you didn't forgo "favours" entirely, I'd go with the above. If your best man mentions it, don't think it would look as much as "look-at-me" as some people have suggested when you leave this info on the tables.

lazygal

I think favours are pointless and a total waste of money.

I don't agree with the best man giving a shout out approach either for a charity donation. No one needs to know you donated to charity. We gave some of the money we got as gifts to charity and a few friends who asked us what we wanted also donated. We didn't need to pat ourselves on the back about it. Quite frankly, the best man mentioning it smacks of looking for a pat on the back. People might not notice a note on the table about the donation, but to have the best man draw attention to what a generous donation the couple made? Just.....no. Total self congratulations.

HeyThereDeliah

Wedding favours is new to me and was not present at three weddings I was at this year. The donation thing it's not for everyone but you will never please everyone.Go with what you feel is right for you op.

Midnight Sundance

Was at a family members wedding and instead of favours they had Rehab scratch cards . The money goes to a charity and guests have a little fun.
Or what about getting a charity trolly key ring thing either? Guests have a favor and money goes to charity.

missyb

amdublin wrote: »

Maybe don't say you've made the donation in the guests name.

Just say "in lieu of wedding favours a donation has been made to a local charity"

I agree with this, I have never been to a wedding where it stated the donation was made in the name of anyone just that a donation was made in lieu of favours. I thought it was nice as it was an obvious charity for the couple in question and definitely relevant to their lives. But I didnt notice it evoking a strong reaction from anyone either way. I think couples state it so people know that they werent just being "tight"and wanted to spend favours money on something more meaningful that sweets. Not that I personally think its tight at all, i couldnt care less either way, Im not doing favours at all myself but people are very precious around weddings, so some get offended over favours, some get offended if there are none and some get offended if there are favours but its a charitable one, I guess its the couple trying to balance it all out. Do what you want to do, you dont have to do anything in anyones name, but if you want charitable favours go for it, someone will be contrary no matter what you choose, suit yourself!

cheerykar

I really like the idea of wedding favours and although they have changed down through the years, I really like the original tradition from where favours originated. Once upon a time five sugared almonds symbolising health, wealth, happiness, fertility and long life were given to the guests. While now a days anything counts as a favour, it is a nice way to put a personal touch to your wedding and they do not have to cost the earth. I intend to make mine for 230 guest totalling €45.

I think a donation to a charity is a nice idea, and as you are the one making the donation you are entitled to tell people you did so if you wish! You don't have to make the donation 'in the name of your guests', but just in lieu of favours. At a wedding recently I enjoyed learning a donation had been made to a charity instead of favours!!

Another thing to remember is that you will never please all of the people all of the time....

I was at a wedding last friday, and its only just dawned on me while reading this thread that there were no favours- i didnt even notice, would i be right in thinking that the majority of people wouldnt notice/care if there were none on the table?
( i would have missed the wine though)

The Bishop Basher

Nobody cares about favours. Whether they are there or not, nobody cares.

January

A recent wedding I was at, they provided lovely candles as the favours... Nobody took theirs with them at the end of the night...

I'm starting to look at the charity donation favour in a bigger light now. I don't want to waste money on something nobody will take any notice of.

Wilberto

At my brothers wedding in January they had the exact same thing as in the OP. There was a nicely decorated card that had a picture of their Newfoundland on every table mentioning that instead of favours they're donating the money to the CSPCA or some animal shelter like that. It just makes more sense and it comes across as a lovely gesture too.

Uriel.

I was at a wedding this week and only after seeing this thread did I realise that there was no favours at the table - never once thought of them.

In my view they're pointless and an added expense (even if small) that really isn't needed.

solerina

I havnt seen favours at any wedding I have been to in years.. I have seen the card mentioning the donation to charity at a few weddings in recent years though !!
Favours are a waste of money...I like the idea of making something for the guests tho as one poster mentioned above !!

livinsane

Howabout giving flower seeds from a charity that you've donated to?

A friend of mine had sunflower seeds from the Cancer Society inside a little card saying they had donated to them. I was delighted because I love sunflowers and money had gone to charity. So everyone gone something. COPE do nastutium seeds each year for a donation.

I don't think giving money to charity is "look at me". Who even thinks like that? And I certainly would not be annoyed that the couple had made a donation to a charity on my behalf even if it was a charity I had no association with. That would say more about me than about the couple.

rainbowtrout

livinsane wrote: »

I don't think giving money to charity is "look at me". Who even thinks like that? And I certainly would not be annoyed that the couple had made a donation to a charity on my behalf even if it was a charity I had no association with. That would say more about me than about the couple.

Well nobody I know goes around telling people when they've donated to charity. I don't know anyone who goes around saying 'well X charity were collecting in town today so I put €5 in the bucket' or sitting in the pub on a saturday night I've never had the conversation 'well I have a direct debit set up and pay €10 a month to Y charity'. So why would a couple need to tell everyone at a wedding that they've donated to charity at all, but particularly if they've done it instead of wedding favours which are unnecessary anyway. I don't see the link between donating to charity and getting married.

livinsane

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Well nobody I know goes around telling people when they've donated to charity. I don't know anyone who goes around saying 'well X charity were collecting in town today so I put €5 in the bucket' or sitting in the pub on a saturday night I've never had the conversation 'well I have a direct debit set up and pay €10 a month to Y charity'. So why would a couple need to tell everyone at a wedding that they've donated to charity at all, but particularly if they've done it instead of wedding favours which are unnecessary anyway. I don't see the link between donating to charity and getting married.

It shows that despite all the money spent on this one day and all the unnecessary trimmings of a wedding, the bride and groom put some of their budget aside for charity.

lazygal

livinsane wrote: »

It shows that despite all the money spent on this one day and all the unnecessary trimmings of a wedding, the bride and groom put some of their budget aside for charity.

Spending money over the 200 cost of getting married is a choice. No one else needs to hear about their donations to charity, why would anyone mention it? Giving to charity is nothing to do with getting married.

livinsane

lazygal wrote: »

Spending money over the 200 cost of getting married is a choice. No one else needs to hear about their donations to charity, why would anyone mention it? Giving to charity is nothing to do with getting married.

Sure having a meal has nothing to do with getting married either. While we're at it, the bride and groom may as well get the bus to the registrar's office, and go back to work that evening.
Giving to charity has always been a public thing - charity cycles/matches/walks/shaveathons. Wedding favours are just another version, and how bad. Its all money going to a good place and if the original poster likes the idea, I would certainly encourage it, rather than telling them that they'll come across as show-offs.

lazygal

livinsane wrote: »

Sure having a meal has nothing to do with getting married either. While we're at it, the bride and groom may as well get the bus to the registrar's office, and go back to work that evening.
Giving to charity has always been a public thing - charity cycles/matches/walks/shaveathons. Wedding favours are just another version, and how bad. Its all money going to a good place and if the original poster likes the idea, I would certainly encourage it, rather than telling them that they'll come across as show-offs.

I don't feel the need to engage in walks or public displays to make charitable donations. Why would a couple need to publicize a donation they chose to make on their wedding day?

Chocoholic84

We had lottery tickets for everyone in personalised holders (as in "Good Look from Emma & Joe!") Couple of people had winning tickets too

tatli_lokma

lazygal wrote: »

I don't feel the need to engage in walks or public displays to make charitable donations. Why would a couple need to publicize a donation they chose to make on their wedding day?

Because in doing so they might raise awareness of that charity. If you are a supporter of a charity, many things you do to fundraise for them will be done not only for the money you raise but to raise awareness. If people were to go by your logic, no one would ever compete in a fun run/sponsored event. You would never accept a badge or sticker when you pop a few euro into a collection bucket. Charities are branded and provide branded t-shirts/badges etc for that very reason.

I do appreciate what you are saying, and for some people donating to charity is a private thing. But as someone who has worked in the charity sector, awareness is a huge thing to foster. We received several donations following wedding favour donations. So for example, someone would go to a wedding, see the charity wedding favour and then think of us next time they were making a donation to charity. Or they would get charity favours themselves when they get married.

You don't think of it as publicising their donation in a 'aren't we great and generous' way, think of it as publicising the charity.

I also think it can be a nice way to include absent loved ones or things that are important to you in your wedding day, making at least part of it about someone else rather than the couple. If you had a loved one lost to cancer, chose a cancer charity, or if someone in the family is a fisherman, donate to the RNLI, or if the couple are animal mad, a donation to an animal charity.

lazygal

tatli_lokma wrote: »

Because in doing so they might raise awareness of that charity. If you are a supporter of a charity, many things you do to fundraise for them will be done not only for the money you raise but to raise awareness. If people were to go by your logic, no one would ever compete in a fun run/sponsored event. You would never accept a badge or sticker when you pop a few euro into a collection bucket. Charities are branded and provide branded t-shirts/badges etc for that very reason.

I do appreciate what you are saying, and for some people donating to charity is a private thing. But as someone who has worked in the charity sector, awareness is a huge thing to foster. We received several donations following wedding favour donations. So for example, someone would go to a wedding, see the charity wedding favour and then think of us next time they were making a donation to charity. Or they would get charity favours themselves when they get married.

You don't think of it as publicising their donation in a 'aren't we great and generous' way, think of it as publicising the charity.

I also think it can be a nice way to include absent loved ones or things that are important to you in your wedding day, making at least part of it about someone else rather than the couple. If you had a loved one lost to cancer, chose a cancer charity, or if someone in the family is a fisherman, donate to the RNLI, or if the couple are animal mad, a donation to an animal charity.

I still don't think a charity mention sits well at a wedding, no matter how 'worthy' the cause. As I said, we donated some of the money we got as gifts to charity, but we didn't tell anyone unless they asked.
Given that you work in the charity sector you're obviously not going to see anything wrong with charity mentions at social occasions.

pwurple

tatli_lokma wrote: »

Because in doing so they might raise awareness of that charity. If you are a supporter of a charity, many things you do to fundraise for them will be done not only for the money you raise but to raise awareness.

Weddings are not fundraising events though. And I don't think pushing corporate branding of a charity at a wedding is a good idea either.

I just don't think the two are linked in any way. Unless there's a wedding charity I'm unaware of.

People don't expect favours, so if you're not going to give them, then just don't. No more need be said about it. No apologies need be given, and certainly no sickenly pious... "I didn't give you any sugared almonds because I spent the money on starving puppies".

cookiecakes

we're making a donation instead of doing favours but we're not putting a note out saying we did so. If anyone asks us, we'll tell them but otherwise we'll keep it between ourselves.

clint_silver

cookiecakes wrote: »

we're making a donation instead of doing favours but we're not putting a note out saying we did so. If anyone asks us, we'll tell them but otherwise we'll keep it between ourselves.

I can understand a funeral where if people were going to spend money on flowers someone might say "donate to xxxx instead of buying a wreath".

But why at a wedding?

Not putting it down, I just cant see a reason for it as apart from any other day of the week..

tatli_lokma

cookiecakes wrote: »

we're making a donation instead of doing favours but we're not putting a note out saying we did so. If anyone asks us, we'll tell them but otherwise we'll keep it between ourselves.

But then its not really in place of favours is it? its just a donation. The idea of it being in place of favours is that the guests are aware hence the awareness/profile of the charity is raised.

I really don't see the harm. I would much prefer to attend a wedding where a donation was made to a charity than be given another candle, or box of chocolates with the couples name and date of wedding on. I don't see any real point to that, but I can appreciate the point of giving money to a charity. I wouldn't begrudge the charity the money, even if it was not a charity I would personally normally support. And I wouldn't think the couple are saying 'wow aren't we great'. If I thought that about people, I probably wouldn't be attending their wedding.

If giving the guests something is important, then you can buy favours from a charity. The charity still get money, and the guests still get a gift.

Some people might also pass comment on the lack of favours and because there is no acknowledgement of it think you are only spoofing that you gave a donation. Again, this is not something that would cross my own mind, but if people are worried that their guests will think they are saying 'aren't we great' wouldn't those types of guest be equally likely to say 'oh there were no favours - they said they gave to charity, but there was no proof of that'.

Giving to charity is a good thing IMO. I wouldn't judge someone for that, regardless of their motivation or method, especially not someone who I am friends with and am sharing their wedding with.

summerbabe

wedding favours are a waste of time and money nobody even looks at them and they leave them behind them at the table anyways, so my advice use ur money towards ur dress or cake or whatever!

cookiecakes

clint_silver wrote: »

I can understand a funeral where if people were going to spend money on flowers someone might say "donate to xxxx instead of buying a wreath".

But why at a wedding?

Not putting it down, I just cant see a reason for it as apart from any other day of the week..

We're donating ours to marriage equality as we would like everybody to be able to experience marriage as we are allowed to. So we felt it was apt.

cookiecakes

tatli_lokma wrote: »

But then its not really in place of favours is it? its just a donation. The idea of it being in place of favours is that the guests are aware hence the awareness/profile of the charity is raised.

Well it is in lieu of favours because we decided to do away with them altogether and put the extra money towards the rest of the donation. As I said, we're not putting cards on the table because it's just not an us thing to do but if people decide to comment, they'll be told where the money has gone!

pwurple

cookiecakes wrote: »

As I said, we're not putting cards on the table because it's just not an us thing to do but if people decide to comment, they'll be told where the money has gone!

I expect you will get exactly 0 comments asking where the favours are.

cookiecakes

pwurple wrote: »

I expect you will get exactly 0 comments asking where the favours are.

Me too but there's always one:rolleyes:

tatli_lokma

cookiecakes wrote: »

We're donating ours to marriage equality as we would like everybody to be able to experience marriage as we are allowed to. So we felt it was apt.

I think that's a great idea and very appropriate

Dont be at yourself

We bought a ticket for the local hospice's lotto draw for each guest. The hospice were really nice and agreed to text us with the number of any winning ticket on the night.

We could also have bought trinkets (keyrings, pens, etc) as wedding favours through the hospice, but like most favours, they're just pieces of tat that nobody actually wants, for the most part!

prettygurrly

hmm I think if you're thinking that the b and g are saying "wohoo look at us! making donations to charity, aren't we wonderful" says a lot more about you than the b and g. I haven't worked for a charity and even I can see how raising awareness of a cause that is close to a family may be appropriate in a wedding situation. Weddings are about family and like it or not a lot of us have lost people to various illnesses that we may want to support research in or have loved ones in dire situations.

Whether to have wedding favours or not is up to you but saying that you donated money to a charity is nothing to be ashamed of and if people think LESS of you for donating to charity then that's their problem