Would you be annoyed if your wife didn't change her name?

username123

Mickey Dazzler wrote: »

I am quite traditional and if my wife did not take my name it would be a deal breaker for me. I would be bitterly disappointed.

Really? No judgement btw, just honestly curious - if you feel this strongly about it, do you not see that a woman might also feel so strongly about not changing her name?

The Big Red Button

If I were to ever get married, I wouldn't expect my husband to change his name. And I'd be surprised and annoyed if he expected me to change mine. I mean, it's my name, it's a massive part of me, and of my identity.

I'm not saying I definitely wouldn't ever change it - I can see how, if kids were involved, it might make things more straightforward. So maybe I'd consider it.

It shouldn't automatically be expected, though, in my opinion.

Pawwed Rig

I don't think it is anymore though. A good amount of girls I know kept their own names (I hate the term Maiden name:D). Even changing it can be a pain in the arse. My good wife was told that if she changed her name at her previous job she would essentially have to contact ALL of her clients with her new e-mail address, re apply for every permission on the IT system again, every password, swipe access to buildings, new ID cards. She couldn't be arsed

Fenian Army

I'd like her to but it I wouldnt be annoyed if she wanted to keep her name.

Would be upset if she wanted to give the kids her name and god forbid if she wanted to double barrel

lazygal

Fenian Army wrote: »

I'd like her to but it I wouldnt be annoyed if she wanted to keep her name.

Would be upset if she wanted to give the kids her name and god forbid if she wanted to double barrel

Why would you like her to change her name?

Why would you be upset if she wanted to include her name in the children's surname? And why the objection to a double barrell name? Our child has one because she came from both of us, I wouldn't write a report with someone else in work and only put his name on it, so why wouldn't I want my name for my child?


If a guy I knew had sentiments like that I'd think he was a bit of a control freak with a slightly unhealthy sense of superiority about his surname.

Pawwed Rig

lazygal wrote: »

If a guy I knew had sentiments like that I'd think he was a bit of a control freak with a slightly unhealthy sense of superiority about his surname.

I don't think that is a fair statement for what has rightly or wrongly been the accepted way of doing things in Ireland for a long time.

I agree with Fenian Army about the double barrel. Taking it to it's logical conclusion when Junior Lazygal-Lazyguy meets a nice girl called Jnr Motivated-Energetic should they become
Mr and Mrs Lazygal-Lazyguy-Motivated-Energetic and what of the next generation?

A birth cert is not a report card:rolleyes:

I am not advocating either the wife or the husband changing their name but give the kids one or the other.

username123

lazygal wrote: »

And why the objection to a double barrell name? Our child has one because she came from both of us, I wouldn't write a report with someone else in work and only put his name on it, so why wouldn't I want my name for my child?

Im always mildly amused at these 'name change' threads.

Personally I wouldnt mind if my child had a name totally unrelated to my own, my child would still be my child, I wouldnt need my name there for me to know that.

I dont like double barrell names just because they sound silly and unless someone compromises further down the marriage line you could end up with some unfortunate who is burdened with a long string of names like Jack Double-Barrell-Double-Barrell-Double-Barrell-Smith-Jones.

I dont have a strong sense of identity about my name though and I have never minded what people call me so long as I know its me they are calling.

I use both my married name and single name in different situations, its fine with me if someone refers to me as Ms Single or as Mrs Married, Im still me.

juan.kerr

Wouldn't care. Would be more concerned if she chose to go for the double barreled variant of both names for what it says about her.

source

Recently married, wife didn't take my name, I have to say I was a bit disappointed, but I got over it fairly quickly.

We have discussed it and have agreed that the kids will have my name. I come from a small family and am the only male descendent in my generation. So unless my kids have my name, my family name dies with me.

Its as important to me that our kids have my name, as it is to her that she keep her name. A relationship and especially a marriage us supposed to be about compromise and sharing.

coffee_cake

I don't understand the "ha ha you can't double barrel then someone will end up with 5 names" response. How many double barrel named people are out there? Loads. How many have 5 names? None.
Just as it can be an individual decision/couple's decision to start a double barrel, it'll be someone else's decision what they want to do IF they get married later in life. You're not giving them some name they can't ever change or dictating to them that they must follow your lead.

monkeypants

I was more annoyed when she did change it. I keep using her maiden name.

username123

juan.kerr wrote: »

Would be more concerned if she chose to go for the double barreled variant of both names for what it says about her.

What does it say about her?!?

username123

bluewolf wrote: »

I don't understand the "ha ha you can't double barrel then someone will end up with 5 names" response. How many double barrel named people are out there? Loads. How many have 5 names? None.
Just as it can be an individual decision/couple's decision to start a double barrel, it'll be someone else's decision what they want to do IF they get married later in life. You're not giving them some name they can't ever change or dictating to them that they must follow your lead.

The above also undermines the reasoning in favour of double barrels.

Do people not do it because they wish their name to carry on?

So if everyone felt that way you would end up with long silly names. But if people go on to drop a name later on then whats the point in doing the double barrel in the first place? The name that the original person wanted to carry on is gone anyway in that case. So whats the point in double barrels?

Incidentally, I dont actually know anyone with a double barrel name.

Pawwed Rig

bluewolf wrote: »

I don't understand the "ha ha you can't double barrel then someone will end up with 5 names" response. How many double barrel named people are out there? Loads. How many have 5 names? None.
Just as it can be an individual decision/couple's decision to start a double barrel, it'll be someone else's decision what they want to do IF they get married later in life. You're not giving them some name they can't ever change or dictating to them that they must follow your lead.

It would be to take the point to an extreme conclusion I admit. But on marriage then do you drop one of the double barrelled names in favour of your new wife/husbands name? The girl who posted was strongly opposed to the child not bearing her name. Is she going to be upset/betrayed later if her name is dropped?

coffee_cake

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

It would be to take the point to an extreme conclusion I admit. But on marriage then do you drop one of the double barrelled names in favour of your new wife/husbands name? The girl who posted was strongly opposed to the child not bearing her name. Is she going to be upset/betrayed later if her name is dropped?

But this is assuming the child even gets married in the first place. Maybe that child if/when they do, eventually being an independent adult who can make their own decisions, will decide to keep their name. Maybe they won't.
Wanting your underage child to bear your name is different to when they're an adult, leaving the nest, and making their own life choices...

username123 wrote: »

The above also undermines the reasoning in favour of double barrels.

Do people not do it because they wish their name to carry on?

Taking someone else's name can also be because they want their name to carry on. But then they might have a child who changes their name later on as well. It applies in any of these name situations; I'm just confused as to why these extra arguments which *could* apply to all situations are only applied to double barrels.
Nobody is expecting kids to do exactly the same thing forever whether you take someone else's name, don't, or double barrel.

juan.kerr

username123 wrote: »

What does it say about her?!?

Snob?

username123

juan.kerr wrote: »

Snob?

Does it? I thought it said 'I want my name to carry on'.

Pawwed Rig

bluewolf wrote: »

But this is assuming the child even gets married in the first place. Maybe that child if/when they do, eventually being an independent adult who can make their own decisions, will decide to keep their name. Maybe they won't.
Wanting your underage child to bear your name is different to when they're an adult, leaving the nest, and making their own life choices...

Ok lets assume that some child of some parent with a double barrelled name gets married at some stage:rolleyes:

The poster in question sounded pretty militant about her child bearing her name so to investigate the logical conclusion is a valid argument

Giselle

bluewolf wrote: »

Wanting your underage child to bear your name is different to when they're an adult, leaving the nest, and making their own life choices...

Yes, there's a big difference in deciding what you want to be called yourself, and having that decision imposed on you (and your mother) by your father, in the name of tradition. It should be everyone's personal choice.

Having said that, I'd probably take my husbands name if I got married.

juan.kerr

username123 wrote: »

Does it? I thought it said 'I want my name to carry on'.

Maybe, but any cases I've seen have been down to snobbery. Based on knowing the individual in question.

coffee_cake

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

The poster in question sounded pretty militant about her child bearing her name so to investigate the logical conclusion is a valid argument

No, it isn't. If the child gets to the stage of marriage, they won't be a child anymore and subject to the mother's decisions. They'll make their own.
It's as logical as saying that just because the mother takes the father's name, the child will be forced to always use the father's name forever and ever. It's as logical as any men posting "my children must have my name" meaning the children won't ever be able to change their names if they marry. Nobody accuses the men of this, do they? Equally, it does not apply when the woman posts that she wants her kids to have her name.

Zulu

I expected my wife to take my surname & she did.

Thankfully, she sees things similarly to me & my surname isn't "cockblaster", or "gobblemuff" or some such, so there was no issue.

Pawwed Rig

bluewolf wrote: »

No, it isn't. If the child gets to the stage of marriage, they won't be a child anymore and subject to the mother's decisions. They'll make their own.
It's as logical as saying that just because the mother takes the father's name, the child will be forced to always use the father's name forever and ever. It's as logical as any men posting "my children must have my name" meaning the children won't ever be able to change their names if they marry. Nobody accuses the men of this, do they? Equally, it does not apply when the woman posts that she wants her kids to have her name.

Ok so how many people do you know who have (outside of marriage) changed their surname. I know zer0 people.
If she has a female child as fixed in their beliefs as their mother is then it is logical to assume that she would want her double barrelled name on the next generations birth cert therefore giving the next generation a triple barrelled name. I do not know why this is hard to understand?

I am not accusing men of doing anything or indeed anyone of doing anything.

I am not really sure what your point is here tbh. What is your opinion on the OP?

Fenian Army

lazygal wrote: »

Why would you like her to change her name?

Why would you be upset if she wanted to include her name in the children's surname? And why the objection to a double barrell name? Our child has one because she came from both of us, I wouldn't write a report with someone else in work and only put his name on it, so why wouldn't I want my name for my child?


If a guy I knew had sentiments like that I'd think he was a bit of a control freak with a slightly unhealthy sense of superiority about his surname.

What is the point of your thread? To insult people who dont have the same opinion as you? Get a grip.

I come from a small family and I'm the only son, its important to me, and my family, to pass the name on.

Double barreling

A) Looks stupid

Ultimately doesn't work, a name will get dropped somewhere along the line.

coffee_cake

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Ok so how many people do you know who have (outside of marriage) changed their surname. I know zer0 people.

What are you talking about outside of marriage for?

If she has a female child as fixed in their beliefs as their mother is then it is logical to assume that she would want her double barrelled name on the next generations birth cert therefore giving the next generation a triple barrelled name. I do not know why this is hard to understand?

Sounds more like they'll come up with a different compromise or just keep the original double barrel. It's hard to understand because I have never heard of it before, and I have heard of plenty of double barrels.

I am not accusing men of doing anything or indeed anyone of doing anything.

I didn't say you were. I'm saying that men want their children to have their name all the time; it does not result in the children never changing their names on marriage. So it's silly to think a woman wanting her children to have her name would mean they can never change it.

Fenian Army wrote: »

Ultimately doesn't work, a name will get dropped somewhere along the line.

I guess having your children keep your name only ultimately doesn't work as it will get dropped somewhere along the line.

Pawwed Rig

bluewolf wrote: »

What are you talking about outside of marriage for?

Why not?

bluewolf wrote: »

Sounds more like they'll come up with a different compromise or just keep the original double barrel. It's hard to understand because I have never heard of it before, and I have heard of plenty of double barrels.

I doubt it is that common. I only know of 1 person with a double barrelled name and that is a guy who took his wifes name on marriage.

bluewolf wrote: »

I'm saying that men want their children to have their name all the time; .

I am not sure how you came to that conclusion from the posts to date. Most have said they do not care if their wife takes their name or not. WRT the children I wouldn't be in favour of hoisting a double barrel on them for the same reasons I wouldn't give my child a first name like Templeton, ie they are the ones that will have to deal with it.

bluewolf wrote: »

I guess having your children keep your name only ultimately doesn't work as it will get dropped somewhere along the line.

It doesn't matter if it is dropped along the line?

I think you are taking offence here where there is none.

Zulu

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

I doubt it is that common. I only know of 1 person with a double barrelled name...

It depends. Overall it's not that common, at all. But in some circles it's common enough.

eviltwin

I didn't change my name. I like my name, its part of who I am and I don't think I would feel me without it. He didn't mind, he's pretty open minded about most things and didn't think it was a big deal. Its not something I really give much thought to.

We had our first child when we were single and she has both names. However now she is older she hates the double barrel thing so while her passport etc has both day to day she just uses mine.

Her choice and we don't care either way, had she taken his that would be fine too.

The same thing will go for the youngest, he has both names on his official paperwork but if when he is older he wants to be on or other its his call.

Pawwed Rig

Zulu wrote: »

It depends. Overall it's not that common, at all. But in some circles it's common enough.

Obviously circles high above my station in life:D

I think the double barrel is a pure pride thing for the traditional 'blue bloods'.
Say Parker Bowles for example. 2 fine English families it would be a shame not to show of your good breeding by dropping one of the names.

donalg1

Yeah I would have been annoyed if she hadnt changed her name, dont really know why but it would have bugged me maybe I am traditional that way. Anyway she wanted to do it as her name would be different from the kids if not. If I had a strange surname then I wouldnt mind, one like Juliette Gash from Today FM say.