Would you be annoyed if your wife didn't change her name?

lazygal

Inspired by a thread in relationship issues. I haven't changed my name and never intend to. My husband never has an issue with it and didn't care, neither of our mums changed their names.

Zaph

Not in the slightest. I got married 2 months ago and my wife always intended changing her name, but that's her choice, not mine. If she wanted to keep her maiden name I'm not going to love her any less for it. I'd be more worried about myself if I was so insecure as to let something like that annoy me.

Irish_Elect_Eng

In general, it would not bother me.

My wife did partially change her name, kept her maiden name for work, changed it for most family stuff, her choice, it never came up for discussion.

But for those keeping their names, I wonder does it cause grief if the kids chose to use the other partners name.

For example.If a woman kept here maiden name of for example Roche perhaps, because she was an only daughter and then her kids decided to take their dads name Armstrong perhaps because he won more tours?

Goat the dote

Got married in Saturday, name changed in bank the Monday glad to have a new name

marshbaboon

Couldn't care less. If she wants it she can have it.

OU812

My wife intended not to, but it got ridicules, the amount of times she was denied information (eg bills) because she had a different name & there was no proof we were married.

The game-changer came when our eldest was a year old & we were travelling, she was told by a passport official that as our child had my surname, if anything happened me & we weren't travelling together, she wouldn't be allowed to take the child out of the country to return home without a letter stating from me that it was ok (& I'm apparently dead or gravely injured at this point). She was told that most countries would deny her travel in case it was a kidnapping. So she changed it.

I offered to change mine, but then we would have had to change the kid's too & to be honest, her surname is common as muck

MadsL

Most bizarre thing I heard recently was a woman who took her ex-husband's last name as her FIRST name and then changed her name on marrying to; (try keeping up now)

Ex husbands last name as first name Maiden Name(hyphen)2nd Husband's last name. :eek:

oldyouth

I would have had no problem with it. I'd much prefer someone to keep their maiden name that come out with that double barrelled shoite that some people seem keen on

lazygal

OU812 wrote: »

My wife intended not to, but it got ridicules, the amount of times she was denied information (eg bills) because she had a different name & there was no proof we were married.

The game-changer came when our eldest was a year old & we were travelling, she was told by a passport official that as our child had my surname, if anything happened me & we weren't travelling together, she wouldn't be allowed to take the child out of the country to return home without a letter stating from me that it was ok (& I'm apparently dead or gravely injured at this point). She was told that most countries would deny her travel in case it was a kidnapping. So she changed it.

I offered to change mine, but then we would have had to change the kid's too & to be honest, her surname is common as muck

My mum never changed her name and there was never any issue with me or my siblings travelling with her without our father. The only time it came up was when we travelled to America, the immigration official asked my mum if she was a guardian or parent. I don't know of any country that would deny a woman travel with the child she gave birth too, I'm sure there are lots of unmarried parents who travel with no problems with children of a different surname to them.

I just hear this 'travel is more convenient' thing a lot, and I don't think its a legitimate reason for one person to change their name for. I'm guessing a lot of men wouldn't even consider changing their names for the sake of travel being more convenient.

OU812

Well in our case it was in the last six years, so they may have tightened up on kids travelling. I think the issue is two fold, (1) prove you're the woman who gave birth to the child (umbilical cord still attached?) (2) even at that how can they be sire it's not a kidnapping/snatch?

Our eldest was the image of me until about 2.5/3. Had no resemblance to mom at all.

username123

OU812 wrote: »

The game-changer came when our eldest was a year old & we were travelling, she was told by a passport official that as our child had my surname, if anything happened me & we weren't travelling together, she wouldn't be allowed to take the child out of the country to return home without a letter stating from me that it was ok (& I'm apparently dead or gravely injured at this point). She was told that most countries would deny her travel in case it was a kidnapping. So she changed it.

This is basically saying that a child cannot travel without a same named parent or a letter from same named parent.

Surely children travel with aunts/uncles/teachers/sports coaches etc?
And surely a letter of consent could be written by anyone?

Whats to stop a same named ex wife kidnapping children? Or a same named aunt or uncle?

OU812

username123 wrote: »

This is basically saying that a child cannot travel without a same named parent or a letter from same named parent.

Surely children travel with aunts/uncles/teachers/sports coaches etc?
And surely a letter of consent could be written by anyone?

Whats to stop a same named ex wife kidnapping children? Or a same named aunt or uncle?

Haven't got a clue. Just reporting what we were told.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

My surname is Curley so no, I can't say I'd blame her.

My son or daughter, however, is stuck with it.

Pherekydes

The wife's had her name since we met and it was never an issue, even when we had kids. Now we're married she still has her own name. Never gave much thought to it.

I think it's a modern non-issue.

helimachoptor

Got married a month ago the MIL have a melt down when my wife said she wasnt changing her name, i couldnt give 2 $hits tbh but i'd say she'll change it if/when we have kids

username123

OU812 wrote: »

Haven't got a clue. Just reporting what we were told.

Just to add to the litany of possibilities, these days there are kids who travel with parents where its a 2nd marriage and the kids have their fathers name from the first marriage but the mother (and any new kids) have the name from the second marriage. Not that common in Ireland maybe (although I do know one family where this is true) but hugely common in countries like the UK/US.

Id say the passport official you spoke to was spouting rubbish tbh.

Pherekydes

username123 wrote: »

Just to add to the litany of possibilities, these days there are kids who travel with parents where its a 2nd marriage and the kids have their fathers name from the first marriage but the mother (and any new kids) have the name from the second marriage. Not that common in Ireland maybe (although I do know one family where this is true) but hugely common in countries like the UK/US.

Id say the passport official you spoke to was spouting rubbish tbh.

To add to this, my kids have been travelling with my wife, with or without me, since they were old enough to and there has never been an issue with the different surnames.

Sugar Free

Wouldn't care, up to them, certainly would never expect it.

Al Capwned

Mate of mine (a fella) got married two years or so ago to a swiss girl.
He took her surname.....

Odd, but sure what harm.

monkeysnapper

A friend of mine had a child with her boyfriend and the friends father insisted that she give the child the family surname , when she said no he told her he was going to change his will, she is a only child, ...she then had another child and gave it the family surname which is crazy,,,,,, ok I'm about to get back on topic, anyway she's getting married next year and the father wants the boyfriend to take her surname, It's absolutely unbelievable , what a cock her father is ,

False Prophet

Wouldnt mind as long as kids had my surname (i would even let the kids have her surname as long as 1.It was an Irish surname 2.she was a 8+ in the rating scales;) )

the_syco

I like my surname, so either keep mine, or double-barrel mine and hers.

Bassfish

Getting married next year and she wants to take my name. I said from the start that I didn't mind either way but I'd be lying if I said i wasn't pleased she's changing her name. We both like the idea of being Mr. & Mrs. .....
If she felt strongly about keepIng her own name, I'd have no problem but when it comes to having kids, I can't stand double barrel surnames in children. When I was growing up the only children that had double barrel surnames were the kids whose parents were divorced or whose parents were snobs from prominent families. Each to their own and all that but I couldn't abide it.

MadsL

alproctor wrote: »

Mate of mine (a fella) got married two years or so ago to a swiss girl.
He took her surname.....

Odd, but sure what harm.

*cracks whip*
He might like it?

Diapason

She didn't and I'm not.

Micky Dolenz

Have no issue with it. It is common place for women to keep their maiden name for practical reasons, work etc.

A mate of mine married a man with the exact same name as her brother, so no need to change surnames. I'm pretty sure they weren't related before they tied the knot.:p

Pawwed Rig

MadsL wrote: »

Most bizarre thing I heard recently was a woman who took her ex-husband's last name as her FIRST name and then changed her name on marrying to; (try keeping up now)

Ex husbands last name as first name Maiden Name(hyphen)2nd Husband's last name. :eek:

Could you say that again?
If I understand correctly it is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard:D

My wife took my name but I told here it didn't matter either way to me what she wanted to do. She is changing it as the opportunities present in that she kept her maiden name until she moved to a new job, any new bills go into the new name but the old ones stay as is. Her passport is still in her maiden name etc etc.
She didn't like her maiden name though so I am sure that helped in her decision.

Teferi

I know a lad who took his wife's name when they married due to her having a kid before they met. They didn't want (or couldn't?) to change the kids name so he took hers.

Personally, couldn't care less. She is welcome to my name if she wants it.

Giselle

username123 wrote: »

This is basically saying that a child cannot travel without a same named parent or a letter from same named parent.

Surely children travel with aunts/uncles/teachers/sports coaches etc?
And surely a letter of consent could be written by anyone?

Whats to stop a same named ex wife kidnapping children? Or a same named aunt or uncle?

I think this might have happened because the kid was named on his passport but not his mums?

If the kid has a passport of his own both parents have to sign permission in front of a Garda, and there's no issue with it going anywhere. I travelled with my aunt a good bit, with different surnames, but I had a separate passport.

I thought they'd stopped putting kids on parents passports years ago though, so maybe I'm wrong.

username123

Giselle wrote: »

I think this might have happened because the kid was named on his passport but not his mums?

If the kid has a passport of his own both parents have to sign permission in front of a Garda, and there's no issue with it going anywhere. I travelled with my aunt a good bit, with different surnames, but I had a separate passport.

I thought they'd stopped putting kids on parents passports years ago though, so maybe I'm wrong.

Ah. That does make more sense. Yeah, I think you are right re seperate passports for kids.

Mickey Dazzler

I am quite traditional and if my wife did not take my name it would be a deal breaker for me. I would be bitterly disappointed.