Masturbating is a problem?

itsher · 19-08-2012 4:54am #1

So my boyfriend seems to enjoy it. I understand it's a healthy thing. However, it's affecting us and he doesn't care. In the beginning we had a great sex life and I even caught him looking at porn or masturbating, and I would just laugh and shrug it off because I know it's normal. However he started going to that more than me, and we live together and I have an extremely high sex drive. I'm now completely unsatisfied with our sex life, have never orgasmed, and he just doesn't seem to make an effort anymore. I'm a young woman, he's my first boyfriend, I'm pretty, high libido, etc and I don't think it's fair I have to put up with this.

Basically, if our sex life was great, I wouldn't care that he did. But since it isn't I would rather him not because he's just leaving me unsatisfied because when he does it seems like he just can't hold an erection.

It bugs me, and he doesn't stop. He hides from me, he'll lock the doors or wake up extremely early. It's annoying. He works harder at masturbating and hiding porn than he will romancing me or making ME feel good.

What do I do? He won't even take a week break from it, and if he says he does he'll gloat for as long as it takes for me to realize he was lying. If I try to talk to him about it he just gets mad and leaves. I'm at my wits end and have considered leaving but I just don't think it's fair that I should end a great relationship over an easily fixed thing.. it's just he doesn't want to fix it.

Neyite · 19-08-2012 8:45am

itsher wrote: »

So my boyfriend seems to enjoy it. I understand it's a healthy thing. However, it's affecting us and he doesn't care. In the beginning we had a great sex life and I even caught him looking at porn or masturbating, and I would just laugh and shrug it off because I know it's normal. However he started going to that more than me, and we live together and I have an extremely high sex drive. I'm now completely unsatisfied with our sex life, have never orgasmed, and he just doesn't seem to make an effort anymore. I'm a young woman, he's my first boyfriend, I'm pretty, high libido, etc and I don't think it's fair I have to put up with this.

Basically, if our sex life was great, I wouldn't care that he did. But since it isn't I would rather him not because he's just leaving me unsatisfied because when he does it seems like he just can't hold an erection.

It bugs me, and he doesn't stop. He hides from me, he'll lock the doors or wake up extremely early. It's annoying. He works harder at masturbating and hiding porn than he will romancing me or making ME feel good.

What do I do? He won't even take a week break from it, and if he says he does he'll gloat for as long as it takes for me to realize he was lying. If I try to talk to him about it he just gets mad and leaves. I'm at my wits end and have considered leaving but I just don't think it's fair that I should end a great relationship over an easily fixed thing.. it's just he doesn't want to fix it.

It sounds like he is under pressure to perform to be honest. His lack of maintaining an erection and turning to masturbation instead of the sex on tap thats available seem to indicate that he is not happy with your sex life either. There is probably a viscious circle here at play. The pressure causes performance anxiety, and the performance anxiety causes pressure.

Can you see it from his perspective? He has a girlfriend that is "young, pretty and with a high sex drive", but she is sexually frustrated, has never orgasmed, and has put all the blame for the situation on you. I dont think you realise that men are very capable of experiencing boring sex too, and sometimes masturbation is the better option than slogging away with a partner who holds you wholly responsible for her high sex drive.

There are two people here. If you have never orgasmed, its down to you. Every woman is different, what might get you off could be a huge turn off for another woman, so you need to show him what floats your boat. What have you done aside from trying to talk to him to make your sex life exciting for both of you? Do you spice it up, vary positions, locations and technique to keep it interesting for him, and therefore yourself? Do you know if what you do turns him on? Your post doesnt mention anything about those things, so thats why I suggest it.

I'm not blaming you by the way, but your post is all about your needs and desires, and nothing about his. Good sex is based on excellent communication, inside and outside of intimacy, and its non verbal as well as verbal. Right now neither of you are communicating well. You have focused soley on his masturbation as the reason your sex life is crap, he is doing what a lot of guys do - avoiding the issue and getting mad when forced to talk about it.

My suggestion is to stop talking for now. You are frustrated, he is defensive and both of you are getting nowhere. Start by doing. Spice it up. Surprise him in the shower with a no-need-to-reciprocate BJ. Next time you are having sex, you bring yourself to orgasm and let him watch and learn. Ask him what turns him on and if you are happy to try it out, do that.

Now, it just may be that you are sexually incompatable. if thats the case, only you can decide if its worth staying with him. A bad sex life has a way of letting resentment and frustration creep into other areas of a great relationship, so it may not be worth it.

kylith · 19-08-2012 4:29pm

It sounds to me like the masturbation is a symptom more than a problem in itself. It sounds like you've spoken to him about this, but there is a chance that he feels under pressure due to your lack of orgasm and is retreating from you because of this and turning to masturbation more, where he's not under any pressure to please anyone but himself. I.e; he's not avoiding sex with you because he's ****, he's **** because he's not having sex with you.

My advice would be to leave off the penetrative sex for a week or two, and just spend some time fooling around with each others' bits to learn what does what, so to speak. Step back and take it slowly, teach him what you like without the penetration, and the good sex will follow.

Gooner111 · 20-08-2012 12:37pm

His lack of willingness would, to me, indicate a big issue. The fact he is hiding and ignoring your repeated requests to stop and concentrate on you would suggest he is running away from the issue. It could be he has gotten stressed thinking he has to give you the big O and has turned to porn - no emotion or expectations.

If his issue is preformance related then it is a delicate topic and not likely easy to discuss on his part. I would suggest one last try at talking. Tell him you feel rejected, that you know he has an issue with the relationship and that as things stand you can't cope anymore. Let him know you want him and are willing to work on things so that BOTH of you are happy in the relationship. If he isn't prepared to talk/work on things then not much left you can do.

Ickle Magoo · 20-08-2012 12:51pm

itsher wrote: »

What do I do? He won't even take a week break from it, and if he says he does he'll gloat for as long as it takes for me to realize he was lying. If I try to talk to him about it he just gets mad and leaves. I'm at my wits end and have considered leaving but I just don't think it's fair that I should end a great relationship over an easily fixed thing.. it's just he doesn't want to fix it.

I think you should have one final go at discussing this like adults - calmly, in private, away from the bedroom - and you need to stress how close to breaking point you are.

You really both need to lay your cards on the table and get to the bottom of both why this has happened and why it has resulted in such horrendous communication issues preventing resolution...and that goes for both of you. There are two people involved, two people affected and two people stressed/upset here. I think you have to acknowledge unless you really think your boyfriend is maliciously denying you a sexually fulfilling relationship and enjoys rubbing your nose in it that he's clearly hurting and angry too. He has to acknowledge that the only way past such an issue is open and frank discussion.

One thing I would suggest is if you are trying to coax him to the discussion table try not to blame. It often works best to approach conflict (especially at first) with "I" statements, concentrate on how you are feeling then invite the other party to do likewise.

All the very best.

itsher · 20-08-2012 8:47pm

Neyite wrote: »

There are two people here. If you have never orgasmed, its down to you. Every woman is different, what might get you off could be a huge turn off for another woman, so you need to show him what floats your boat. What have you done aside from trying to talk to him to make your sex life exciting for both of you? Do you spice it up, vary positions, locations and technique to keep it interesting for him, and therefore yourself? Do you know if what you do turns him on? Your post doesnt mention anything about those things, so thats why I suggest it.

I'm not blaming you by the way, but your post is all about your needs and desires, and nothing about his. Good sex is based on excellent communication, inside and outside of intimacy, and its non verbal as well as verbal. Right now neither of you are communicating well. You have focused soley on his masturbation as the reason your sex life is crap, he is doing what a lot of guys do - avoiding the issue and getting mad when forced to talk about it.

My suggestion is to stop talking for now. You are frustrated, he is defensive and both of you are getting nowhere. Start by doing. Spice it up. Surprise him in the shower with a no-need-to-reciprocate BJ. Next time you are having sex, you bring yourself to orgasm and let him watch and learn. Ask him what turns him on and if you are happy to try it out, do that.

Trust me, I'm not the type who just sits around and does nothing. I get him to try many different positions, surprise him a lot, if he's on the computer I'll start touching him and kissing him, and he never NEEDS to respond during these times either. I've given him BJS until he's finished multiple times and woken him up with sex. I've spent $100 on a whole wardrobe of new lingerie but nothing really.. changed.

kylith wrote: »

My advice would be to leave off the penetrative sex for a week or two, and just spend some time fooling around with each others' bits to learn what does what, so to speak. Step back and take it slowly, teach him what you like without the penetration, and the good sex will follow.

Hmm.. thanks, I'll try this. This is something I HAVEN'T tried yet so maybe it will work. If it's the pressure like a lot of you guys are saying it is then this might get rid of some of that. Thank you.

Piliger · 21-08-2012 1:28am

I believe Ickle Magoo is on the money in this OP.

ibarelycare · 21-08-2012 8:18am

OP when you say you've never orgasmed, do you mean you never have with your boyfriend, or you never have in your whole life?

If you've never had an orgasm at all, have you actually tried? Do you masturbate? Your boyfriend's pride is probably hurt because he can't make you orgasm, but it's very difficult for a guy to make a girl orgasm if she can't even do it herself. I think as well as the other suggestions here, you need to do some self-exploring and see what it is that makes you orgasm. If you're having trouble, use the internet to find different techniques. Have you any sex toys? A small bullet vibrator would be a wise investment for starting off. When your boyfriend is off having a sneaky ****, go into another room, maybe read some erotic literature (literotica is a very good website) or watch some porn, if it turns you on, and have some "me" time. Once you master it, you can get your boyfriend involved

Your problems need work from both sides and on top of all the other advice here, I do think it's important that you learn to make yourself orgasm as it will hopefully give your sex life and your boyfriend's confidence a bit of a boost.

itsher · 22-08-2012 10:55am

Ugh.. So the suggestions of laying off the pressure worked.. for 3 days. I still havent, but I was getting so close and each time in a smaller amount of time. It was amazing progress as I've never gotten there before but still haven't tipped over the edge. The edge was there wasn't I was on it, but there was no falling or release.

HOWEVER, now I'm catching him sneaking off again. Last night he ran away for 30 minutes and when I finally caught on he acted like he was doing "nothing" but I know what he does when he just randomly goes to the bedroom with his ipod for 30 minutes. And now, I was in bed and rolled over, he was gone. I come out to look for him and he's watching porn at 5am. -_-

And to be perfectly honest.. this porn problem is my mental block when it comes to orgasming. I just can't relax enough and this is all I think about. I think about "oh what if he already masturbated, watched porn, or did something and is just going to leave me hanging after this?"

ibarelycare wrote: »

OP when you say you've never orgasmed, do you mean you never have with your boyfriend, or you never have in your whole life?

If you've never had an orgasm at all, have you actually tried? Do you masturbate? Your boyfriend's pride is probably hurt because he can't make you orgasm, but it's very difficult for a guy to make a girl orgasm if she can't even do it herself. I think as well as the other suggestions here, you need to do some self-exploring and see what it is that makes you orgasm. If you're having trouble, use the internet to find different techniques. Have you any sex toys? A small bullet vibrator would be a wise investment for starting off. When your boyfriend is off having a sneaky ****, go into another room, maybe read some erotic literature (literotica is a very good website) or watch some porn, if it turns you on, and have some "me" time. Once you master it, you can get your boyfriend involved

Your problems need work from both sides and on top of all the other advice here, I do think it's important that you learn to make yourself orgasm as it will hopefully give your sex life and your boyfriend's confidence a bit of a boost.

I never have in my whole life. I have tried, I was never really one to masturbate. I've done it a few times with a bit of success but I just can't relax. It really feels uncomfortable for me. I know it just comes easy to some but it just never did for me. I make more progress with him than I do by myself and to be frank HE FOLLOWS ME EVERYWHERE, so I couldn't get a minute alone even if I wanted to. Plus there aren't many rooms in my home. He'll use my room and well my bathroom is small and cramped.. not exactly a good place to let go. My boyfriend at this point knows my body more than I do so trying to start myself would probably take another year.

Regardless with all these doubts and negative feelings about him running off constantly.. feeling like I can't trust him by himself because my night will be ruined, I doubt I'll make any progress. Also.. I feel like I should mention this if I haven't already. I've been dealing with this for 10 months. For the majority of time we've been having sex which is just 12 months, I only had 8 weeks of pure bliss. That's why I'm at my wits end here. For someone to wake up so early to watch porn but never even bother to take the 5 minutes to light some candles and surprise me.. well.. it's just hurtful.

Piliger · 22-08-2012 12:58pm

Hi again OP. I am really concerned about what is going on. This is a way bigger problem than his masturbation and I believe that this relationship is not going to survive unless you both start looking or help.
he needs to start opening his eyes and growing up - to realise that you have feelings he needs to take into account. And you need to have the opportunity to develop your sexuality in a non threatening environment. You both are also living in what looks like an incredibly claustrophobic lifestyle.
I urge you to search out some kind of sexual therapy with an expert. Sometimes a few simple bits of advice or a customised set of steps for you both to follow can have wonderful effects. Please do it before things become destructive.

itsher · 24-08-2012 5:51am

Right now I've told him I'd like to take a break from sex for a while. Maybe that will "reset" everything to a default as there'll be no more pressure at all, and perhaps it'll give me time to explore myself and what works for me. Plus.. It's sort of been a "he gets it whenever he wants" sort of deal and maybe, if I stop giving in so easily he'll get used to foreplay, and see it more as a necessity than an annoyance.

If all else fails I'll look into the therapist

RoscommonTom · 24-08-2012 1:34pm

It seems like neither of you are happy . Like the other fellas have said it might be worth trying to change things up a bit and maybe stopping trying to have sex for a while, he should be gagging for it by the time you put out again. Could just mess around with sexy masages, cuffs, outfits etc for a while, the secret is to just try to have some fun together and not put pressure on each other, good luck I hope ot works out

itsher · 01-09-2012 11:44am

So it's been about a week now. Nothing at all. I've calmed down, not asking or thinking about it. I won't even change in the same room anymore just to keep the thoughts out of my head. He's starting to feel the pinch I suppose as he's starting to get more "grabby" I guess you could say but once we start getting more into it he says to me "I want to, but I don't want to touch you" Ugh. I calmly told him it was all or nothing for me and he got upset and told me that if that was the case he'd never touch me AGAIN. Wonderful. I feel like I'm making no progress.

nowyouresix · 01-09-2012 12:26pm

Gosh.... it's so awful that he has said he doesn't want to touch you. I know it might sound harsh, but have you considered breaking up with him ? Comments like those won't go from your head all that easy, and can lead to resentment.... If I were you I'd call it a day before you feel really bad about yourself, for no reason, and find someone who will take you as you wish.

Best of luck xx

Ickle Magoo · 01-09-2012 1:07pm

itsher wrote: »

So it's been about a week now. Nothing at all. I've calmed down, not asking or thinking about it. I won't even change in the same room anymore just to keep the thoughts out of my head. He's starting to feel the pinch I suppose as he's starting to get more "grabby" I guess you could say but once we start getting more into it he says to me "I want to, but I don't want to touch you" Ugh. I calmly told him it was all or nothing for me and he got upset and told me that if that was the case he'd never touch me AGAIN. Wonderful. I feel like I'm making no progress.

At some stage in a relationship that is making you unhappy, you have to weigh up the benefits to staying in the relations in terms of out-balancing the reasons for leaving. A healthy relationship should compliment your life, rather than be mostly negative and habitual.

I'm not going to tell you what to do based on the fraction of events you've shared here - but I think you really need to work out for yourself if the positives within the relationship are a fair trade off Vs the stress, the damage it's doing to your self-worth and self-esteem. Not to mention how difficult it is going to be to ever be in the right head-space to relax and explore your own sexuality when it's such a thorny, guilt-associated, stress-laden issue within your relationship.

All the very best.

Idle Passerby · 01-09-2012 1:34pm

This is your first boyfriend, so presumably the first person your having regular sex with. You have never had much interest in masterbation, never orgasmed and say he knows your body better than you do. I don't get it, you say you have a high sex drive but it doesn't sound like you've ever had many opportunities to actually enjoy sex or explore what you enjoy about it. You cant leave it up to another person to figure that out for you.

Having said all that, if he's running off to watch porn rather than be with his up for it girlfriend it really sounds like he just doesn't enjoy your sex life together begging the question why hasn't he ended it, and why are you putting up with a man who has no qualms about telling you he'd rather never touch you again than have a decent sex life with you!

itsher · 01-09-2012 1:40pm

Other than this however our relationship is perfect. I would feel bad for leaving him for something that could and should be so easily remedied. He's since apologized for what he said but it's not the first time he's said it so I know it's not just some thing somebody says once out of frustration. It's really hard when the only con in our relationship is sex.

itsher · 01-09-2012 1:45pm

Idle Passerby wrote: »

This is your first boyfriend, so presumably the first person your having regular sex with. You have never had much interest in masterbation, never orgasmed and say he knows your body better than you do. I don't get it, you say you have a high sex drive but it doesn't sound like you've ever had many opportunities to actually enjoy sex or explore what you enjoy about it. You cant leave it up to another person to figure that out for you.

Having said all that, if he's running off to watch porn rather than be with his up for it girlfriend it really sounds like he just doesn't enjoy your sex life together begging the question why hasn't he ended it, and why are you putting up with a man who has no qualms about telling you he'd rather never touch you again than have a decent sex life with you!

I have though. I mean, we've been having sex for a year, in the first months of it it was amazing. I had no complaints. I can't really masturbated because of the fact that I'm never alone. I always make sure sex is good for him.. and he says nothing is wrong with our relationship or sex life. He enjoys all of it. He's just.. I don't know? Lazy?

itsher · 01-09-2012 1:53pm

Plus can I just mention something? If I'm not comfortable with masturbating is that really an issue for sex? I mean.. If I'm not comfortable with it right now, maybe in the future, but just not right now.. How is saying that I have to to have a good sex life going to help? I feel more pressure now to masturbate when I always thought it was okay not to, it was just a personal choice, than I ever did in my entire life to have sex, even as a teenager. Telling me I have to masturbate isn't really going to help.. I just feel like everything is all my fault now.

Piliger · 01-09-2012 1:58pm

itsher wrote: »

Plus can I just mention something? If I'm not comfortable with masturbating is that really an issue for sex? I mean.. If I'm not comfortable with it right now, maybe in the future, but just not right now.. How is saying that I have to to have a good sex life going to help? I feel more pressure now to masturbate when I always thought it was okay not to, it was just a personal choice, than I ever did in my entire life to have sex, even as a teenager. Telling me I have to masturbate isn't really going to help.. I just feel like everything is all my fault now.

Hi OP ... this is not about laziness. And this is nothing to do with you. This is all about him and he either has a serious problem or simply has NO sexual interest in you at all. I personally suspect the latter.

And I truly say to you that I don't believe everything else is as normal as you say. He's your first bf and you think it is normal. You deserve so much better ... SO MUCH !! His behaviour is not acceptable in my personal view.

Is this what you want for the next ten years ? or even longer ? Do you really deserve to live like this for most of your life ? Because that is the way it is shaping up and you have sunk to such a level now that you think it is your fault. Can you see that this is a destructive and very very bad situation for you ?

I really believe that you need to reassess this relationship OP. Honestly.

Scanlas The 2nd · 01-09-2012 1:59pm

itsher wrote: »

Plus can I just mention something? If I'm not comfortable with masturbating is that really an issue for sex? I mean.. If I'm not comfortable with it right now, maybe in the future, but just not right now.. How is saying that I have to to have a good sex life going to help? I feel more pressure now to masturbate when I always thought it was okay not to, it was just a personal choice, than I ever did in my entire life to have sex, even as a teenager. Telling me I have to masturbate isn't really going to help.. I just feel like everything is all my fault now.

I'd guess one big reason you haven't orgasmed is your inability to relax, I think women need to feely completely comfortable and relaxed to experience good orgasms. Boyfriend issues aside you should probably look into why you can't relax.

itsher · 01-09-2012 2:11pm

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I'd guess one big reason you haven't orgasmed is your inability to relax, I think women need to feely completely comfortable and relaxed to experience good orgasms. Boyfriend issues aside you should probably look into why you can't relax.

The boyfriend is the issue. When he puts the time and effort into me, which he has before. I relax 100% and can nearly orgasm. I mean, I get so close that I'm maybe a second away. I'm still new to it, but I know if he just put the time into me on a regular basis I could probably be orgasming by next week.

I can't relax during masturbation because I don't feel like I'm comfortable with it yet. I know I will be one day, but just not right now. I never felt the need to as a teenager and after becoming sexually active it's more tedious than enjoyable. So I keep thinking "why am I doing this if he's just right there?" or "I have to do this or else I can't have a good sex life" or "what's the point if it doesn't even feel good?". It's never just lay down and relax, it's always something. Most of the time it's also the fact that I'm never alone in the house and I don't have a lock on my bedroom door. Boyfriend likes to randomly walk into the room and I just wouldn't want to be caught.. I'm sure no one really wants to be caught.

ibarelycare · 01-09-2012 3:04pm

OP you said that your boyfriend hides from you, locks doors, to be on his own and watch porn and masturbate. Why can't you do the same?

Piliger · 01-09-2012 3:35pm

ibarelycare wrote: »

OP you said that your boyfriend hides from you, locks doors, to be on his own and watch porn and masturbate. Why can't you do the same?

Is that really a formula for a happy relationship ? I suggest not.

ibarelycare · 01-09-2012 4:12pm

Piliger wrote: »

ibarelycare wrote: »

OP you said that your boyfriend hides from you, locks doors, to be on his own and watch porn and masturbate. Why can't you do the same?

Is that really a formula for a happy relationship ? I suggest not.

I wasn't talking about a passive aggressive tit-for-tat kind of thing. OP said she doesn't get to masturbate, she's never alone and she has no locks on her doors. Anyway it's not really relevant as I'm after reading the last few posts properly after skimming through them earlier and I see the OP has said she's uncomfortable about masturbating. I would gently suggest giving it a try though OP. I know it's not the main issue at hand but not orgasming is a problem. You said your boyfriend knows your body better than you, yet he can't bring you to orgasm. He's not inside your head, he can't feel what you're feeling.

Pyr0 · 01-09-2012 4:16pm

ibarelycare wrote: »

OP you said that your boyfriend hides from you, locks doors, to be on his own and watch porn and masturbate. Why can't you do the same?

I think this is a really weird thing to do personally. Running off to a room to have a **** every once in a while is quite strange and not the grounds for a healthy sex life in a relationship. Why can't he get off with her when he feels horny? By the sounds of it, this girl has tried absolutely everything she can to please this guy, lingerie, positions, wake up sex the works! What else can you really ask for? Unless he's looking at stuff he hasn't told her or that she isn't comfortable doing, maybe he doesn't find her attractive anymore? I can understand him being tired or stressed from work and not doing anything to himself either but I don't get why he'd be horny and have a **** over doing stuff with his girlfriend.

Just re-read the OP, waking up early just to have a **** or climbing out of bed during the night to go at it alone?! Come on, that's not normal.

ibarelycare · 01-09-2012 4:22pm

Pyr0 wrote: »

ibarelycare wrote: »

OP you said that your boyfriend hides from you, locks doors, to be on his own and watch porn and masturbate. Why can't you do the same?

I think this is a really weird thing to do personally. Running off to a room to have a **** every once in a while is quite strange and not the grounds for a healthy sex life in a relationship. Why can't he get off with her when he feels horny? By the sounds of it, this girl has tried absolutely everything she can to please this guy, lingerie, positions, wake up sex the works! What else can you really ask for? Unless he's looking at stuff he hasn't told her or that she isn't comfortable doing, maybe he doesn't find her attractive anymore? I can understand him being tired or stressed from work and not doing anything to himself either but I don't get why he'd be horny and have a **** over doing stuff with his girlfriend.

Sorry I should have been clearer. That suggestion was only in response to the OP's comments about having no time alone to masturbbate. Not at all a suggestion on the problem with he boyfriend. Fwiw I think he sounds like he's just not interested sexually in her anymore. If that's not the case then he's selfish for not making the effort.

Pyr0 · 01-09-2012 4:27pm

ibarelycare wrote: »

Sorry I should have been clearer. That suggestion was only in response to the OP's comments about having no time alone to masturbbate. Not at all a suggestion on the problem with he boyfriend. Fwiw I think he sounds like he's just not interested sexually in her anymore. If that's not the case then he's selfish for not making the effort.

I get ya. It does sound to me that he's just not interested in her sexually anymore also, being selfish and not making the effort just doesn't make sense to me personally, he might as well just say he's not interested in her anymore then.

Idle Passerby · 01-09-2012 7:14pm

You say you don't have any time alone from him in which to masturbate, surely the two of you do not spend 24/7 in the house together. That's beside the point though, your not looking for time to masturbate, your looking for your boyfriend to show some interest in having sex with you.

There's nothing wrong with the fact that your boyfriend likes solo masturbation, its the fact that he chooses it over a mutual sex life with you. This sounds very demeaning OP, your there showing him you want to have sex and he's blatantly ignoring this so he can run off to watch porn by himself. It really sounds like he no longer has any sexual interest in you, he's actually pushing you away.

He obviously has a sex drive so why on earth is he not interested in having sex with his willing girlfriend? Id be wondering if he has any interest in continuing the relationship at all. Does he expect you to satisfy yourself too and the both of you to live together, sorting yourselves out all the time? Because that doesn't sound like a good relationship to me.

Piliger · 01-09-2012 7:29pm

Idle Passerby wrote: »

He obviously has a sex drive so why on earth is he not interested in having sex with his willing girlfriend? Id be wondering if he has any interest in continuing the relationship at all. Does he expect you to satisfy yourself too and the both of you to live together, sorting yourselves out all the time? Because that doesn't sound like a good relationship to me.

I agree with this. I am wondering what kind of porn he looks at .... ? Could that be a clue ?

itsher · 02-09-2012 1:02pm

Idle Passerby wrote: »

You say you don't have any time alone from him in which to masturbate, surely the two of you do not spend 24/7 in the house together.

To be perfectly honest. We do. He rarely goes out on his own, if he's out usually I'm out at the same time for classes or work, so I never have a moment by myself.

Piliger wrote: »

I agree with this. I am wondering what kind of porn he looks at .... ? Could that be a clue ?

Regular porn. Literally. I'm a thin young white female, the porn he looks are are young thin white females. Everything I've found in history and secret hidden apps are all things I already do for him. There isn't 1 thing I haven't done that he looks at.

Also, I have to say how bad this porn habit is. My Dad has recently had a nice chat with me about the last time we stayed the weekend at his home for the summer. He says when waking up early around 3am (as he does for his job) he's caught my boyfriend on HIS computer watching porn and.. doing his "activities" in the middle of the living room each day we stayed at his house. I have a younger sibling, around 10, and my Dad is also worried about them walking in on him and also just the entirety of disrespect he believes my boyfriend has for his household. Plus he's also confessed to me he's heard us arguing about this and also believes that if he cared about my feelings he would of stopped a long time ago.

I'm severely embarrassed knowing my own father has now walked in on my boyfriend masturbating and extremely upset that he couldn't even control himself for one weekend. We had another argument and he's staying at his friends house for the moment. I'm at my breaking point.

keelanj69 · 02-09-2012 1:06pm

From what Ive read he has life too good. Sounds like a douchebag imo. A less tolerant person would leave him..

Neyite · 02-09-2012 1:12pm

itsher wrote: »

Also, I have to say how bad this porn habit is. My Dad has recently had a nice chat with me about the last time we stayed the weekend at his home for the summer. He says when waking up early around 3am (as he does for his job) he's caught my boyfriend on HIS computer watching porn and.. doing his "activities" in the middle of the living room each day we stayed at his house. I have a younger sibling, around 10, and my Dad is also worried about them walking in on him and also just the entirety of disrespect he believes my boyfriend has for his household. Plus he's also confessed to me he's heard us arguing about this and also believes that if he cared about my feelings he would of stopped a long time ago.

I'm severely embarrassed knowing my own father has now walked in on my boyfriend masturbating and extremely upset that he couldn't even control himself for one weekend. We had another argument and he's staying at his friends house for the moment. I'm at my breaking point.

:eek: This would be my deal-breaker to be honest. Its one thing constantly masturbating in the privacy of your own home, but quite another to do it in another persons home, using their computer, in a communal room in the house where relatives and children could walk in. Its disgraceful, disrespectful.

ibarelycare · 02-09-2012 1:17pm

It sounds very much like your boyfriend has a porn addiction. When people are addicted to things it starts having a detrimental effect on their everyday life and it looks like that is happening here. He needs to talk to a counsellor. If he's not willing to address this issue then how long more can you stay with him?

LegacyUser · 03-09-2012 5:39am

Neyite wrote: »

:eek: This would be my deal-breaker to be honest. Its one thing constantly masturbating in the privacy of your own home, but quite another to do it in another persons home, using their computer, in a communal room in the house where relatives and children could walk in. Its disgraceful, disrespectful.

+1 I totally agree with this post but wanted to add my bit.

Porn addiction or not your bf has no self control and respect to your family and their home. I know if my father came up to me and told me something like that, I would throw my bf to the curb, OP. I would be p!ssed if anyone was using my computer to look at porn. I work from the home and my computer is my company's property! Any porn on it would have me terminated! Also what if it was your younger sibling instead of your father that caught him:eek::mad:. From reading your other posts, your boyfriend doesn't sound like a nice guy. He has entirely neglected you and the relationship. There are countless people out there who watch porn and masturbate frequently and not many of them suffer the ill effects on their sex lives, their relationships and lack the common sense to act in such a manner especially in somebody else's home. The fact he was not able to control himself over a weekend raises red flags. Unfortunately, there is nothing more you can do really. You told him how you feel about it. Now it is up to him to confront his problem and sort himself out.

I don't like to tell people what to do on Boards but reading what you wrote thus far, I strongly suggest to leave him! What he did in your father's home would be my last straw if I were you. I would like to say that you are a saint to stay and put up with this to tolerate such behaviour, disregard, lack of respect and neglect. I can imagine the humiliation your father went through witnessing that. I feel just as bad for him as I do for you. I have to commend your father's composure because if your bf was caught doing something like that by my father in his house, your bf would be interrupted during his solo act and asked to leave pronto!

I certainly do not envy you and am truly sorry you have to go through something like this. I am afraid there isn't anything else you can do except take care of yourself.