Funny Airport Stories

Noopti

I got a funny airport story:

Myself and a friend where traveling to America, and therefore we decided the mode of travel of choice would be an airplane. Hence we ended up in the airport of all places. So we we arrived at Terminal 2, went through check in and then got a little delayed in security (another funny story I may share in the future if you are lucky). We then took a right after security as we were due to depart from gate A24. Now, I noted in my brain that gate A24 was a 10 minute walk away - and that was at my walking pace, which I can only describe a brisk. As for my friends pace of walking, I did not know - so I revised my estimation to 15 minutes to account for this. We then started to make our way to gate A24, as that was the gate we were departing from. To cut a long story short we then arrived at gate A24, and proceeded to queue as I always get nervous if I don't queue as I worry people will board the plane before me and I won't get my favourite seat, which is seat F3. So we queued up, and we were the first to do so. The reason for this was that I insisted we arrive at the airport 5 hours before the flight to ensure that any unplanned occurrences did not cause us to miss the flight. We queued in this fashion for a further two hours before our fellow flyers started arriving and also queuing up behind us. We then queued along with the other flyers for a further one and a half hours before they opened the gate. I was so relieved to be first on the plane and I proceeded immediately and quickly to seat number F3. I sat down, placed my travel bag at my feet under the seat in front me me, adjusted my head rest and smiled. The kind of smile only a man whose has managed to secure their favorite seat on a plane can smile. Within moments another passenger arrived beside me and said "Excuse me, you are in my seat"....I was aghast. It was only then I realised I was flying Aer Lingus and not Ryanair. Of course....of course, Aer Lingus tickets have designated seating, whereas Ryanair does not! I was not entitled to sit in my favoured seat afterall!!

Thanks for listening folks.

gobnaitolunacy

The words 'airport' and 'funny' should not be used in the same sentence.

brummytom

Do Aeroplane stories count?


I was once on a flight, near the front of the plane. I got up to use the toilet, but the front one was being used. Bursting like a dog with a hose up it's arse, I went to use the toilet at the back of the plane.

Unfortunately, I managed to come out of the toilet just behind the air hostess trolley. With the aisle being so narrow, I was stuck behind it for over an hour desperate to get back to my seat. Bitches.

Bad Panda

brummytom wrote: »

Do Aeroplane stories count?


I was once on a flight, near the front of the plane. I got up to use the toilet, but the front one was being used. Bursting like a dog with a hose up it's arse, I went to use the toilet at the back of the plane.

Unfortunately, I managed to come out of the toilet just behind the air hostess trolley. With the aisle being so narrow, I was stuck behind it for over an hour desperate to get back to my seat. Bitches.

It hasn't been a good day for airport/aeroplane stories.

nbar12

you deserved to be banned for such a bad thread

jester77

Reminded me of a not so funny story.

Was over on the piss with a mate who is a huge Forest fan for a game. Out on the piss on the Saturday night after the game and we collapse back into the lads house where we were crashing. Ask my mate what time our flight is at, he pulls out a folded sheet and say 2:30.

So we hit the sack and get up in the morning, bad hangover and realise we are not going to make the train to Birmingham for our flight. Sh*t we say, so we have to pay for a taxi from Nottingham (not cheap).

Get to the airport on time, up to the desk only to get informed that our flight had left long ago. I look at my mate puzzled, he pulls out the folded sheet where it states 2:30, unfolds the sheet and on the other side of the fold is a bloody 1. So the flight was at 12:30!

So, after paying a silly amount for a taxi, we then have to go and buy new flights.

recyclebin

I was boarding a plane when the guy in front dropped his boarding pass. A gust of wind took it away down the stairs onto the tarmac. Your man went chasing after it. Every time he got close to it a gust of wind blew it further away. After a few mintutes chasing it the guy still couldn't catch it. He must have been 500 metres from the plane getting close to moving planes.

It was at this stage security got nervous and drove after him in one of the baggage trollies. Your man was red as a tomato as he was driven back to the plane to board it. Everyone was in the stitches laughing at the poor lad.

JustAddWater

Super-Rush wrote: »

Wheres the funny bit?

http://files.sharenator.com/thats_the_joke_This_post_is_good_ss_jokes-s452x339-297672-535.jpg

rambutman

I've a few...........

In Amsterdam one time about 12 years ago and after the weekend decided i'd bring back some ganga. Have a few friends who were pretty serious drug smugglers and swallowing the contraband seems the way to go.......now according to them the best way is to wrap whatever it is up in cling flim, seal it over a candle and then dip in melted beeswax............did i have time for this - no way........so out i go and buy some condoms, pack several of them with skunk and swallow the packages on the way to the airport in the toilets on the train..........all good so far. When i go to get on the plane i burp and the honk of skunk weed off my breath is something else..........they'd all burst in my stomach and I spent the next 2 days whacked.

Cue a few years later - same place, same story, heading for the airport on the train, and just couldn't bring myself to throw the bag of weed i have, so i stick it down my jocks (which in fact were boxers.......worst still). Anyway walking through security i kinda brush off where the weed should be to check if all's ok and its not there, i look down and see it falling out the leg of my trousers, heart beating like a mofo i bend down, looking like i'm tying my shoe lace and push it back up and into my sock.........i was bricking it walking on to the plane but got away with it.

About 8 years ago i went out 1 Friday night in Dublin and basically partied til Sunday. Had a big day on Monday at work, and had needed to get a lot of prep done over the weekend for it which i had failed miserably at and by the end of it i think the worry was making me drink more to try and escape thinking about..........by Sunday evening i was trollied and the rest is a bit of a haze but i freaked out, went home, packed a day pack and my passport and headed for Dublin airport where i got a plane to London and by the time had come to my senses was on a plane to Bangkok from London................needless to say calling in sick for that one was good. I still remember calling my housemate as well as soon as i got to Bangkok, he goes to me "good weekend ? you still in town or wha" and i'm "yeah kinda - i'm in Bangkok"!!!

Shiny

bren2001 wrote: »

In a weird way, I can proudly say I am the main reason why a flight was delayed for over an hour :pac:

At least if it was a Ryanair flight (as one of the other passengers) I would take some comfort in the fact that I wouldn't have to listen to that irritating "On-Time" jingle that they play after landing.

Amprodude

Am I meant to laugh OP? Ok so ha ha ha, you have me in stitches.

KeithM89_old

I foresee a plot twist coming.....

Super-Rush

I think you're right Keith.

I just got sent a couple of screenshots from a distressed Boardsie.

http://pix.ie/hahahahahaha/2970263/size/884

http://pix.ie/hahahahahaha/2970262/size/883

rgmmg

syndeyfife wrote: »

I've posted this before but I think its funnier than the OP...

An old lady collapsed, I gave her CPR she let go of her bowels, came around after 5 minutes of CPR and said she must have collapsed because of the smell. She almost collapsed again when I told her she did a number 2 in her pants.

PLane was delayed while they got her case and let her change.

That's a good reason to delay a flight I think.

She would have collapsed if you'd told her you did a number 2 in her pants. :pac:

_feedback_

Was in Warsaw airport standing in the Dublin queue.

Yank comes over and say "Is this New Yaaaauuuk?"

No buddy, you are in Warsaw, says I.



Actually got a good laugh from the bored queue!

Luap

Went over to Edinburgh with a few lads. Went out on the piss the night before and our flight was the next morning at 11. Anyway you might know I woke up to disgust that it was 10:30

Anyway I frantically try to wake up everyone else and get a taxi to the airport to have any hope of catching the flight. And I notice one of the lads were missing, about a minute later he arrives in the door with a newspaper and breakfast saying he was up since 8am waiting for us to get up. :eek:. I couldn't believe it.

We rush to the airport to find that we have missed our flight and we have feck all money to our name . So one of the lads calls his brother to pay for our flight. But his brother would only pay for him. This is also the same guy who didn't wake us up. :rolleyes: And takes the next flight home without us.

In the end we get a flight home after a night in the airport. :pac:

FatherLen

Luap wrote: »

Went over to Edinburgh with a few lads. Went out on the piss the night before and our flight was the next morning at 11. Anyway you might know I woke up to disgust that it was 10:30

Anyway I frantically try to wake up everyone else and get a taxi to the airport to have any hope of catching the flight. And I notice one of the lads were missing, about a minute later he arrives in the door with a newspaper and breakfast saying he was up since 8am waiting for us to get up. :eek:. I couldn't believe it.

We rush to the airport to find that we have missed our flight and we have feck all money to our name . So one of the lads calls his brother to pay for our flight. But his brother would only pay for him. This is also the same guy who didn't wake us up. :rolleyes: And takes the next flight home without us.

In the end we get a flight home after a night in the airport. :pac:

your mate is a dick

Where To

My dad got arrested once for driving an artic up the runway at Gatwick for a shortcut.

We laughed for so long we almost forgot to bail him out.

SusieBlue

Was getting on a plane in Cork last year, and I was standing at the top of the steps waiting to get on while the air hostess was checking boarding cards.

I tried to get my phone out of my pocked and accidentally dropped my passport, it fell just next to the steps on the ground.

We were the last to get on the plane so I ran down the steps to get it. Just as I reached it, a gust of wind blew it a few metres closer to the plane.

I picked it up, turned around to see about 10 airport staff waving their arms at me and shouting, only I couldn't hear from the noise of the engine. I looked up, and my mother was roaring at me, as were 2 of the air hostesses, from the top of the steps.

I had gotten so close to the turned on propeller of the plane that if I had moved just a little bit closer I might have gotten sucked in.

Almost gave the mother a heart attack

Captain Commie

bren2001 wrote: »

I don't know if there has been a similar thread started so apologies if there has been.

I told this story that happened to me to people in work and some of the their responses and stories of their own were hilarious. Here's what happened to me anyway...

It was January 2010 and a few of us decided to go to London. Went on a mad one on the last night and woke up with the worst hangover possible. I can't remember what airport we were flying out from but myself and two of the lads were in the duty free. I'm not messing this woman was holding up the hole queue by literally paying in 1p's. We eventually paid for out stuff and then there was an announcement saying our names for the Dublin flight. We absolutely legged it, everything I had bought in the shop was weighing me down and eventually my trousers fell to my ankles while I was running, so I had to dump everything I had bought on the ground to run to the gate. We made it, showed them our passports and on we got, we were the last 3 people on the plane. Put my bad wherever and sat down.

Grand, chuffed we just about made the flight and my head is pounding so hard. I check my pockets for my passport (don't ask me why), I realise I can't find it, so I asked the hostess if it was possible for me to check outside because I may have dropped it going up the steps. She asks me do I have my passport, I said no, not on me so she goes off and checks. I'm still looking for it like a complete gob****e, she comes back to me and says its not outside and if I can't find it in 5 minutes I'll be kicked off the place. At this stage, I don't register what she just said to me and in a panic myself and the lads and to be fair most people on the plane start looking for my passport. Nowhere to be seen, I have student and bus I.D's but the pilot won't let me fly with them. My 5 minutes is up and next thing I know I'm standing on the tarmac with £20 to my name a phone low on battery.

I'll cut a long story short. My mate gets off the plane to stay with me, he has checked in a bag so the flight is delayed over an hour. In that space of time I could have easily found my passport. The phone call to my parents telling them I was not at Dublin airport but in fact still in London and what had happened was rather interesting. Anyway, we travel to Heathrow knowing that a flight the next morning *might* let me fly with my student I.D. My friend gets money wired to him to pay for the flights. An 8am flight from London to Dublin cost €250 each. I get a call off one of my mates to be told that some guy found my passport under his bag! We slept on the lovely steel chairs in the airport and made friends with travellers who had tarmacked parts of the Naas road who were off to Oz to do a bit of tarmacking! As we waited for our passport/I.D to be checked to get on the plane my mate turns to me and reassures me that if I don't get let on that he has to go and I'll be left on my own, with no money! Everyone was handing up their passports, I stroll up and hand them my bloody bus pass and student card, you're one looks at me as if I've 12 eyes, I just look at her and told her it was a long story. Got on the plane, no bother! Such a relief!

Get back to Dublin and as you can imagine I get a lovely welcome off my parents. My parents were convinced myself and my mate had missed the flight on purpose so we could spend an extra night with a couple of girls (I wish). They eventually believed me and sent a complaint to this certain airline along with witness statements from other passengers. Eventually they responded and refunded myself and my friend for roughly €600 (flights and travel expenses).

Now I know what you's are all thinking, why did I say anything to the hostess about my passport being missing in the first place? Hindsight is great, I never for a second thought they would kick me off the flight!
How my passport got under somebody else bag? When I got on the plane I was so wrecked I just put my bag anywhere and without realising I put my passport in with it as well!

In a weird way, I can proudly say I am the main reason why a flight was delayed for over an hour :pac:

Gob****e

x43r0

I was going through security in Dublin airport catching a flight to visit my gf at the time who was studying abroad.

Now as you can imagine, being a 20ish young fella visiting the gf who I hadn't seen in about 6 weeks I had "plans" for how the weekend was going to play out

Cue security pulling my bag off the scanner belt and asking me to open it. Security man, in the motion of pulling out a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs, they get caught on a t-shirt which falls out of the bag onto the floor along with a bottle of lube and about 20 johnnies the look of disgust on the hundred or so people in queues behind me was priceless



He let me keep the johnnies but as for the lube and handcuffs - no dice

cookiecheck

A woman in a burqua joined the queue for the flight.
I promptly cancelled my flight.

randylonghorn

brummytom wrote: »

Bursting like a dog with a hose up it's arse ...

I honestly didn't think you could get any kinkier, Tom, but ... >.<

djflawless

Walking thru dublin airport singing bum ba ba bomb ba bum was good craic in 2008.1st time on a plane so had a few whikkys in the airport.and a ball of cans on board.not realising the cans were 5 quid a pop and only the size of a can of coke!

SIR PEADO BAILOUT

realies wrote: »

I didn't find your story to be that funny tbh.

Sure isn`t that the life of the Easy Jet Setters :P

SocSocPol

cookiecheck wrote: »

A woman in a burqua joined the queue for the flight.
I promptly cancelled my flight.

Disgracful post and not a bit funny!:mad:

Siuin

I got pulled aside in Israel because their machines picked up some powder-like mini packages in the lining of my suitcase.



Teabags

Pantsface

SocSocPol wrote: »

Disgracful post and not a bit funny!:mad:

I feel your pain SocSocPol

I too am outraged

Degag

In fairness to the OP, there have been quite a few "stories" in the thread at this stage, and very few are remotely funny.

Point being i think: Airports are not funny places.

Captain Commie

Degag wrote: »

In fairness to the OP, there have been quite a few "stories" in the thread at this stage, and very few are remotely funny.

Point being i think: Airports are not funny places.

They can be when ya work there...