I never want a wedding but wouldnt mind a marriage

shadowcomplex

I dont ever want a wedding but would be open to a marriage, how important is that big day to most girls and how much of a deal breaker would it be if the guy commits and wants a marriage but hates the idea of a wedding

Teyla Emmagan

Yeah, I'm like this too. I have no interest in any sort of a wedding. A marriage really appeals to me, but the idea of a big day out before hand does nothing for me.

So I'd be thrilled to meet a guy like you describe OP

athtrasna

It could be that one would have to compromise. I didn't want a church wedding but if I wanted to marry my husband that's what it had to be, it was a deal breaker for him. So I gave in and did the big deal. And had a good day.

We've now separated almost a decade later but the wedding had nothing to do with that.

Polloloca

No real interest in a wedding to be honest. Hate being the centre of attention, my organisation skills aren't really worth talking about, and dont see the point spending all that money on an overpriced party for a heap of people who wouldnt even have anything nice to say about the dress, the food or the other guests. Not really my scene.

I would like a church wedding if it ever happened though, just a very small intimate wedding.

I don't really want a wedding, either. Not a big one, at least. Small gathering with good friends and close family and an evening in the pub - perfect! The thought of a big white wedding fills me with dread.

TheGimp

Under no circumstances do I ever want a church wedding.

I actually want to get married though. My friend got married at a beautiful vineyard in Napa Valley outside San Francisco and it was his older brother that did the sermon (he has a licence to perform marriages in CA)

Bride had her white dress, bridesmaids, groom and best men did the whole tux thing. It was great. Short and sweet and no religious element.

Plus, did I mention it was a vineyard?

daenerysstormborn3

My boyfriend and I have talked of marriage and we both agree it would be a very intimate wedding if we did get married. Our wedding would more than likely take place abroad with a few of our friends invited. I come from a huge extended family (both parents have 10 siblings each) and my parents are the kind that think every aunt, uncle, cousin, niece and nephew (not to mention neighbours and old friends) should be invited and that's just not my scene.

Sadly, both my boyfriend's parents have passed away (his father last October and he would've loved to see us get married) and I don't have a particularly close relationship with anybody in my family so even if I wanted a big wedding, it wouldn't feel right to have a big wedding and invite my huge extended family and my boyfriend would have nobody there on his side apart from our friends (both his parents came from small families and sadly all but one brother is still living).

If I ever get married, it definitely won't be in a church, that's something I could not compromise on, it would be too hypocritical.

If I was in a different situation and either I or my boyfriend wanted a big wedding, I'm sure a compromise could be reached.

iguana

While you might be lucky and find someone who is happy to just do the minimum civil ceremony, it might be worth considering an element of compromise if your future wife would like a bigger celebration. I'd have been happy with a civil ceremony with just the two of us, the registrar and a couple of council staff as witnesses, maybe followed by the two of us going somewhere nice for dinner. My husband wanted something with family and friends so we had a house party after a ceremony in the local park/museum. It wasn't the traditional wedding but it meant that everyone who really wanted to be there was able to celebrate with us, which was very important to him.

JuliaJones

The title totally describes my attitude to it all,
I have an insane family and the idea of having them intrude on a special day like one where I pledge to share my life with the person I love, makes it not worth having a wedding.
I don't think my attitude would be different if they were more normal, I've never thought about my wedding day as a child or anything like that.
If it were important to my OH, I wouldn't mind having a wedding without them, but it would have to be just me and himself to avoid world war whatever number we are up to!

rain on

I'd be the opposite, I have my wedding all planned out, it wouldn't be the big white wedding at all but a registry office and party afterwards type affair. The idea of being married freaks me out a lot though

TeletextPear

Luckily my boyfriend and I are on the same page, neither of us wants a big wedding. I'd be delighted with the two of us just heading off for a Vegas wedding but he'd like his immediate family there so we'll probably meet a compromise around that, maybe 10 to 20 people invited abroad somewhere. But we'd both be completely against spending €30,000 or whatever on one day here in Ireland.

Cousin of mine went away with his girlfriend on holidays and they came back married, and then had a big party for all the relatives to celebrate it, that would be my ideal scenario.

Acoshla

I never really had any strong feelings either way on weddings but my boyfriend has a big family who I love to bits, he was very excited about us getting engaged (don't know why this surprised me, guess I thought only the girl got excited?!), his excitement is contagious, and now I'm really happy to be having a pretty big wedding.

It'll be about 180 people but that actually only includes close family and friends (his siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins are about 140 of that, all very close and we see most of them regularly, the rest are my family and our very close friends), we're both the first grandchildren to get married so it's a big deal. We never have big parties and our engagement party (which he arranged because I had zero interest) was so much fun that I can't wait to do it all, have all our close friends and family basically having a party to celebrate us getting married, sounds awesome!

We will never have a big blow out like this again, I'm an only child, we've had very few weddings in my immediate family so feck it. I just want everyone to have a great day and night helping us celebrate how happy we are to be getting married. I'm not keen on the whole bridezilla "It's MY day!!!" crap that seems to be everywhere now, worrying about all these tiny details that nobody cares about, but I do like the idea of throwing the biggest party we'll ever have for such a special occasion in our lives.

Each to their own, feck everyone else!

geneyuss

Daphne Obnoxious Pillar wrote: »

I don't really want a wedding, either. Not a big one, at least. Small gathering with good friends and close family and an evening in the pub - perfect! The thought of a big white wedding fills me with dread.

couldn't have put it better myself, especially your last line and yes i'm a bloke

ihsb

I want a small, white wedding. All my loved ones really. But yes, it is more the marriage for me. But I would like to have one simple, lovely day to start it all off!

SarahBeep!

shadowcomplex wrote: »

I dont ever want a wedding but would be open to a marriage, how important is that big day to most girls and how much of a deal breaker would it be if the guy commits and wants a marriage but hates the idea of a wedding

He would be my ideal man.

My friends think I'm joking when I say one of these days they'll get a text saying call over for a BBQ and they'll arrive to be told 'oh Btw, we're getting married in the back garden before we start cooking the food, do ye mind waiting half an hour to eat??'

lesserspottedchloe

I think far too many people are into the idea of a wedding more than the idea of marriage to the person you love.I'm not at all religious and would find the idea of getting married in a church very hypocritical. When I imagine my wedding day I think of making a great promise to the love of my life in a place we feel is special and in front of close friends and family-simple and special! A lot of weddings I've been to have been stressful, forced affairs concerned with making the cranky distant relatives impressed and 4hrs of photos! no thanks!

Acoshla

laylah wrote: »

I think far too many people are into the idea of a wedding more than the idea of marriage to the person you love.I'm not at all religious and would find the idea of getting married in a church very hypocritical. When I imagine my wedding day I think of making a great promise to the love of my life in a place we feel is special and in front of close friends and family-simple and special! A lot of weddings I've been to have been stressful, forced affairs concerned with making the cranky distant relatives impressed and 4hrs of photos! no thanks!

Don't forget the wedding favours! And the chair covers! Can't have a wedding without chair covers!!!

Lia_lia

I don't want a marriage or a wedding, eugh.

CastorTroy

Speaking as a guy(which I am ) I would happily not make a big event out of getting married.
I used to work a hotel bar and worked hundreds of weddings. I've seen brides in tears at how crap the reception was due to no one dancing and everyone just getting drunk. But on the flipside I've seen great receceptions where everyone enjoyed themselves though the common factor seemed to be tthe smaller the number of guests, the better the night.
Another day I met a couple in the main bar. They were there with their mums. They were going to the registry office the next day and just had their mums to go with them. Nice and simple.

shinikins

SarahBeep! wrote: »

.

My friends think I'm joking when I say one of these days they'll get a text saying call over for a BBQ and they'll arrive to be told 'oh Btw, we're getting married in the back garden before we start cooking the food, do ye mind waiting half an hour to eat??'

That would actually be my idea of a great wedding day-surprise marriage!! How fantastic would it be to announce that you had gotten engaged and were having a party to celebrate, then on the day tell everyone that it was actually your wedding day?!! Brilliant! That, or having a small wedding on a sunny beach with the people you love most.

I've worked in many hotels and restaurants, and have seen many weddings, and in all honesty, the happiest bride and groom I met in all that time, had just 15 people in their wedding party, including their two young children. They didn't have the stress and hassle of table arrangements and photographers, bands and bridesmaids dresses-they were so happy and in love, and were sharing that with their close family and friends. Thinking about them still makes me smile now

Larianne

shadowcomplex wrote: »

I dont ever want a wedding but would be open to a marriage, how important is that big day to most girls and how much of a deal breaker would it be if the guy commits and wants a marriage but hates the idea of a wedding

I hate attention so having a wedding where you are the centre of attention plus have the task of pleasing everyone and making sure they are enjoying themselves is my idea of hell.

So no wedding would be great! :pac: Married on a beach, away from everyone. That'll do. Maybe.

Chucken

I think most men would heave a sigh of relief at the OP....and most women too

Its about 2 people, not 200-2000 people

Malari

SarahBeep! wrote: »

My friends think I'm joking when I say one of these days they'll get a text saying call over for a BBQ and they'll arrive to be told 'oh Btw, we're getting married in the back garden before we start cooking the food, do ye mind waiting half an hour to eat??'

I know a couple who did something like this. No big fuss, no pressies apart from what the guests brought to the meal, just a great spontaneous night with close friends.

I've been at some amazing traditional weddings, so I'm not dissing them by any means, they are just not for me. It's something we've spoken about lots in our relationship. I don't really want to be married right now. I like the idea of staying together and not being married. But sometimes I worry about not being next of kin officially.

I would separate the marriage and the party. No engagement. I think an immediate family only thing - registry office, really special meal maybe in a Michelin star restaurant. Then maybe 6 months later have a bit of a night out with friends. I'd only tell the people I was very close to I was actually married. :pac: There are some friends of my boyfriend who drive him nuts with the "when are you getting married? She'll change her mind" nonsense. And I'd love to see their faces if they ever asked and we were able to say "oh yeah, we've been married for months now."

Bid08

Think of a compromise like the two of you going away on your own to get married but perhaps have a dinner for close family and friends organised for when you get home?

driver02

shadowcomplex wrote: »

I dont ever want a wedding but would be open to a marriage, how important is that big day to most girls and how much of a deal breaker would it be if the guy commits and wants a marriage but hates the idea of a wedding

Each t their own it's your own Business really

CathyMoran

It took me years to walk down the isle as I just wanted a tiny wedding. Every time that I tried parents from both sides took over.

I ended up having 16 in total at my wedding which was a small church wedding. I would have happily married away but my late mother could not travel by plane for the last few years of her life and I wanted my daddy to walk me down the isle (plus I was advised not to travel myself at the time on medical grounds).

We did renew our vows when I was pregnant with our son on our 3 year wedding anniversary as we had been through a lot together.

I just wish that I had made it clear to everyone my wishes sooner.

I should say that marriage is wonderful!

hollypink

I've never wanted a church wedding or a big reception. I've been to lovely weddings like that, but it wouldnt be for me. I like the idea of going to a registry office with immediate family and a very few close friends, then a lunch somewhere nearby and that's it. I'm single though so if I do meet someone who wants to marry me, they might want something different so compromise might be necessary!

shadowcomplex

Im very surprised by these responses, I guess theres more people out there that feel the same way also

Jerrica

I'm right in the middle of this dilemma with my boyfriend fiance

When we talked about getting married we had an idea that we'd go abroad, just the two of us, a nice quiet, intimate ceremony, then come home and throw a big party for everyone to join us in the celebrations.

But as we got more serious and we talked to family we realised that there were quite a few people who were looking forward to the prospect of a 'big day' and that got us thinking. We went to see a couple of venues and fell madly in love with one, and decided that maybe the whole wedding thing was for us afterall. Now we love the idea of having a big party, but without the Church bit, and I'm quite looking forward to the two Mum's having their big day out :pac:

Acoshla

Jerrica that's very similar to us, we considered going away with just immediate family but it just wouldn't work out, and his whole extended family were so excited at the prospect of our wedding that we wouldn't be able to narrow down and pick who would be able to come with us and who wouldn't.

I've also just realised that my parents "eloped", got married in secret with just the two of them and two witnesses and that was it, and they should have never gotten married, so that type of wedding holds no appeal to me, so maybe that's why it doesn't suggest commitment and "just the two of us" to me like it does to other people.

Malari

I should say my parents know what my plans would be and are fully supportive. As long as we are happy they are happy. My boyfriend's mother is a different prospect. If he ever mentions anything vague like "we wouldn't really be into a church wedding" she just says "don't be silly". :rolleyes:

Lucyfur

I never wanted to get married. And then I met himself:D

We are getting married in Spain. There will be around 40 people, including ourselves:D We're having a church wedding, as it's important to himself. I wasn't ar$ed about the church big until we went to view the church. It's breathtakingly beautiful. I'm not really an emotional person but I completely teared up when I walked in:) Reception is in a hotel that's about 3 metres from the beach. There will be nerf guns and water pistols to play with on the day.

A few have given out about up getting married abroad cos we're ''denying them a day out'' :rolleyes::rolleyes:

I. Can't. Wait.

lazygal

I'm in the nice position of having had both a tiny wedding with just our parents and the big day out. As we had a humanist wedding we had to marry legally before the 'big day'. So I can see both sides.

I loved our tiny day. Just us and our parents at the registry office, no big ceremony, rings or speeches. Took ten minutes to get married and then we went for a few drinks and a meal. It was a lovely, lovely day and we look back on in with great fondness.

Then a week later we had a big day (well 90 guests, so a medium wedding in Irish terms), I had the dress, we had the band, meal, speeches etc, all the trimmings (except the church:D) of a more traditional wedding. And it was a brilliant day that we also loved.

I must admit, after the tiny day we both thought waking up the next morning that we didn't need to have the big day, we were married and nothing could change that. But we were also glad after the big day to have had a major celebration with all our friends and family.

You need to go with what suits you. There's some non-neogtiables for me, like having a church wedding or marrying abroad, and my husband had a few non-negotiables too. But if you're marrying the right person, those things can be dealt with and compromise is absolutely vital. I never dreamed of my 'big princess day' but I'm glad I had it. If we only wanted the small civil thing or that's all we could afford, we'd have been equally happy with that. Do what suits you as a couple, and never mind anyone else's comments or opinions.

The Big Red Button

I love weddings, absolutely love them! It's such a lovely day, everyone's so happy and emotional, you get to spend time with people you haven't seen in forever, it's just a great excuse for a party!

However, much as I enjoy other peoples' weddings, I can see the time and money and hassle and family politics involved in organising them, and it's just not for me!

From the very start, the ceremony itself would be ruined for my parents because it wouldn't be a religious ceremony - I've discussed this with my parents, and I know all too well how disappointed and saddened they would be by this - and I couldn't fully enjoy it, knowing how they felt! I'm very close to them, and their feelings are important to me.

More importantly, though, I just don't feel the need to be married. I love the idea of being in a relationship where I'm waking up each and every morning with the person I love, and both of us being there because it's where we both want to be - not because there's a mortgage or marriage or anything that's influencing our choice to stay in the relationship. You can absolutely commit to another person, without the need for it to be made official by putting it down on paper. There's a lot to be said for the "security" of marriage - but there's also a lot to be said for being in a relationship where you don't need that sort of confirmed security!

Having said all that, it's possible that if I ever have children, I might then consider marriage. Just to make life easier (and, obviously, only if I was very committed to the relationship in the first place.) It would be a small civil ceremony, with minimal frills - possibly followed by a massive piss-up in the pub, why not sure. Definitely nothing formal or organised, though.

I completely understand and respect why weddings and marriage are so important to a lot of people, and it's a lovely idea. It's just not for me, though.

iguana

chatterpillar wrote: »

You can absolutely commit to another person, without the need for it to be made official by putting it down on paper. There's a lot to be said for the "security" of marriage - but there's also a lot to be said for being in a relationship where you don't need that sort of confirmed security!

Of course you can commit on the same emotional scale but there are a LOT of legal differences between a married couple and an unmarried couple and any decision to marry or not marry needs to take them into account. While there is an obvious emotional aspect to marriage, the emotional side isn't quite the point as those emotions can exist without marriage. The point and purpose of marriage is to make a former stranger into your closest legally recognised family member. By not being married you leave yourself very exposed if one of you gets very ill or has a serious accident. In the most serious cases being married can mean the difference between seeing your partner in hospital or never seeing them again if they die. That's a pretty big thing to pass up the right to.

cynder

I asked my fella to marry me, just before xmas 2007 he was having tests for cancer, and we had been together 10 years and we had 3 children.

He said 'yes' as long as i arrange everything.

we got the results after xmas that he had cancer (testicular) and i arranged for the wedding to be in august, chemo was due to be finished in july. ( he wanted hair for the wedding)

Im not religious and we wanted to get married in Barbados just us and the kids, but my dad was sick and i knew he wanted to see me get married so we decided on a registry office. Family (moms/dads/brothers/sisters/children (no aunts/uncles/cousins)) and close friends only (30 pax) , that was booked for august, afters were a meal in the restaurant at the hotel (that knocked the price off pp by at least 25 euro) afterward we booked the function room with finger food for 110 and we had a dj and live band and invited over 80 people to celebrate with us. It was a big party, we were told by our close friends that it was the best wedding they had ever been to, we had no speeches and we were all chilled out and had fun. The kids were very much part of the wedding and celebrations and went home with my mom at 11pm, my dad had to leave early as he couldn’t walk. My hubby did hire a limo to bring me and my girlfriends/ mom and dad and daughter to the registry office.

This arrangement worked well for us, my wedding dress was from Debenhams and we honeymooned in inchydoney for 4 nights while my mom and dad minded the kids (they came over from the uk), and in the November went to Disneyworld Florida with the kids.

My dad died today 3 years ago, he died just short of my 1st wedding anniversary (its coming up to my 4th) I Think i made my dad’s day when he saw me get married. I know he wanted me to get married and I’m glad he was alive to see me and that we didn’t leave it any longer and that we didnt elope.

The Big Red Button

iguana wrote: »

Of course you can commit on the same emotional scale but there are a LOT of legal differences between a married couple and an unmarried couple and any decision to marry or not marry needs to take them into account. While there is an obvious emotional aspect to marriage, the emotional side isn't quite the point as those emotions can exist without marriage. The point and purpose of marriage is to make a former stranger into your closest legally recognised family member. By not being married you leave yourself very exposed if one of you gets very ill or has a serious accident. In the most serious cases being married can mean the difference between seeing your partner in hospital or never seeing them again if they die. That's a pretty big thing to pass up the right to.

Yeah, that's kinda my point (in a roundabout way!)

I recognise the benefits of marriage (parental rights, tax benefits, legal rights as you've outlined, etc.)

So I guess I'd go through with the marriage thing, with as little song and dance as possible, to gain benefit from these things.

Can't ever see myself having an actual "wedding", though.

gara

I think marrying the person you love and creating your own family together is one of the loveliest things life has to offer.

I think it's sad that so many women make such a concerted effort to declare how disinterested they are in any of this, as though it's somehow 'less cool' to want to be a wife and mother. My career means a lot to me but being a good wife and mother will be the most important job I will ever do and I don't care how old-fashioned that sounds

Malari

Just because the women on this thread don't want to become wives (mothers weren't mentioned?!) in the traditional way, doesn't mean it's a negative comment on those who do. Several people have said so, even.

Acoshla

Malari wrote: »

Just because the women on this thread don't want to become wives (mothers weren't mentioned?!) in the traditional way, doesn't mean it's a negative comment on those who do. Several people have said so, even.

I do think there are people in regular life (not saying it about this thread in particular) who look down on those of us who like the idea of a traditional wedding, like it's *so* 10 years ago, that kooky tiny weddings are what the cool people are doing now.

cynder

Acoshla wrote: »

I do think there are people in regular life (not saying it about this thread in particular) who look down on those of us who like the idea of a traditional wedding, like it's *so* 10 years ago, that kooky tiny weddings are what the cool people are doing now.

I would have liked to walk down the aisle but not the aisle of a church (im not baptised), also the cost of a big wedding was too much to waste on one day, no way could we justify spending that amount of cash on one day when we had 3 kids and had been together for years and years, the money we saved went to the big trip to disneyworld florida.


At the end of the day each to their own, be it traditional or non traditional or not at all!


My cousin who is nearly 50 had a druids wedding there on the 21st of june (summer solistice) at stonehenge, i saw the pics on facebook . It was unique!

McChubbin

I'm the same- I'd like a commited relationship over a big white wedding.
That said, I do have dreams of having a civil partnership in Vegas.

daenerysstormborn3

gara wrote: »

I think marrying the person you love and creating your own family together is one of the loveliest things life has to offer.

I think it's sad that so many women make such a concerted effort to declare how disinterested they are in any of this, as though it's somehow 'less cool' to want to be a wife and mother. My career means a lot to me but being a good wife and mother will be the most important job I will ever do and I don't care how old-fashioned that sounds

I don't think I'm cooler than people who want a big wedding. In my reply to this thread I set out my valid reasons for not wanting a big traditional wedding, the same way others have set out their valid reasons for wanting a big traditional wedding, nobody belittled or criticised anyone's choices until you made this comment.

Why can't people just want what they want without their motives being questioned and people thinking they're only saying certain things to fit into a certain group?

CathyMoran

The traditional big wedding is great if you want ot and I have been to some but other's can pressurise you either way. I would have hated a big wedding as I am shy and did not want the focus on me walking down the isle - for me I wanted it to just be about my husband and I. The renewal of vows where just my husband, unborn son, priest and I were in attendance meant far more to me.

It took a cancer diagnosis almost 6 years ago for me to make my feelings clear - I have loved my husband since the first time I met him in UCD but I nevre had the courage to say that I wanted a small wedding.

gara

Malari wrote: »

Just because the women on this thread don't want to become wives (mothers weren't mentioned?!) in the traditional way, doesn't mean it's a negative comment on those who do. Several people have said so, even.

My post wasn't referring specifically to any women on this thread. Like Acoshla mentioned above, it's more of an observation of a changing status quo. There seems to be a prevailing arrogance when it comes to the concept of weddings and marriages these days, as though you're somehow 'so last season' if you want a traditional wedding or indeed, a wedding at all.

I could be wrong here but the overwhelming feeling I get from a lot of this is that some women feel a strong need to disassociate themselves from anything girly, as though openly expressing a preference for anything pink or fluffy is now so passé and God forbid -getting excited about wedding dresses and walking down the aisle? Well that's just the ultimate faux pas!

daenerysstormborn3

gara wrote: »

My post wasn't referring specifically to any women on this thread.

But it was in response to this thread and you didn't qualify it so you should be able to understand how the conclusion was drawn.

Malari

Not wanting a traditional church wedding for myself does not exclude me from liking girly things! I love shoes and dressing up :-) Just because I wouldn't want a white wedding dress doesn't mean I wouldn't want a fabulous dress to get married in.

gara

Malari wrote: »

Not wanting a traditional church wedding for myself does not exclude me from liking girly things! I love shoes and dressing up :-) Just because I wouldn't want a white wedding dress doesn't mean I wouldn't want a fabulous dress to get married in.

pixiebean22 wrote: »

But it was in response to this thread and you didn't qualify it so you should be able to understand how the conclusion was drawn.

Sure, but maybe be less quick to find criticism where there's none. Opposing views aren't necessarily disparaging of your own.

Essentially, I couldn't give a flying fig how peope conduct their wedding days, as it's of no concern to me. I've simply noticed a trend where people are tripping over themselves to be more different, more 'original' and how this pattern has almost become more samey than the retro traditions these people are running away from.

daenerysstormborn3

gara wrote: »

Sure, but maybe be less quick to find criticism where there's none. Opposing views aren't necessarily disparaging of your own.

Essentially, I couldn't give a flying fig how peope conduct their wedding days, as it's of no concern to me.

From the poster who criticises people who make the choice to have the wedding day of their choosing :pac:

iguana

gara wrote: »

My post wasn't referring specifically to any women on this thread. Like Acoshla mentioned above, it's more of an observation of a changing status quo. There seems to be a prevailing arrogance when it comes to the concept of weddings and marriages these days, as though you're somehow 'so last season' if you want a traditional wedding or indeed, a wedding at all.

That's completely different to your first post. Originally you were criticising posters for not wanting marriage and motherhood and now you are criticising those who don't want 'traditional' weddings. They are actually two completely different things. Most people here have talked about the importance they attach to having a good marriage even if they want a lower key wedding.

gara

pixiebean22 wrote: »

From the poster who criticises people who make the choice to have the wedding day of their choosing :pac:

If you wish to see it as a criticism, that's your prerogative. Though I think that's a rather simplistic view, as not being in favour of something or understanding it yourself doesn't necessarily mean you're critical of those who do. It's simply a different perspective.

iguana wrote: »

That's completely different to your first post. Originally you were criticising posters for not wanting marriage and motherhood and now you are criticising those who don't want 'traditional' weddings. They are actually two completely different things. Most people here have talked about the importance they attach to having a good marriage even if they want a lower key wedding.

Who are you, the thought police? I reserve the right to expand on my own views, thanks

I don't wish to drag this thread off topic so I won't post any further, suffice to say there's a disappointing hostility towards any opinions that don't match those of prolific posters