Looking through your BOYFRIEND'S phone....

pastry2010

Just a quick one I've had a few relationships and depending on the guy some have been quite open about their phone and wouldn't care if I had a nosey through it than others would be very offended and quite private about their phone.

it's not a trust thing...I'm just a bit nosey!:P

Do you do it???

Scarinae

pastry2010 wrote: »

Just a quick one I've had a few relationships and depending on the guy some have been quite open about their phone and wouldn't care if I had a nosey through it than others would be very offended and quite private about their phone.

it's not a trust thing...I'm just a bit nosey!:P

Do you do it???

No.

If you’re curious about what your boyfriend has been doing and who he has been talking to, why don’t you just ask him - why do you have to look through his phone?

ElleEm

I agree with Scarinae. I would be a bit nosey by nature but I would never invade someone's privacy by going through their phone.
My boyfriend and I are very open with each other, and will often use each other's phones if needed (out of battery/ credit etc.) but I would NEVER look through his messages or call log. He never would with me either. We have nothing to hide though. If I wanna know who he is talking to/ texting I'll ask him. I don't care about the content though. Unless he wants to tell me, it's not my business.

I think people often forget that it is not just the boyfriend/ girlfriend's privacy you're invading. The messages were written by someone to the phone's owner. The content is no business of ANYONE else.

I have a friend whose husband is very possessive and reads her messages. HE has actually responded to me as her before. I no longer text her any personal messages as I know she is not the only one reading them.

OakeyDokey

If I want something like songs or apps then yes I'll have a browse through them to send them to my own phone, but if it's to read all his messages or call register then no! I think if you feel the need to do that then there is trust issues there.

Forgive me if this comes across wrong but writing a post about it seems like you're trying to justify it to yourself.

EDIT: Also had a weird incident like ElleEm. I was texting a friend about meeting up etc. and her fiance wrote back saying that she wasn't able to go out! The thought of her partner seeing previous messages I had sent her about my personal life is shocking.

cynder

My hubby has the iPhone so I play on his apps, don't look through messages, some times yhey pop up and I just hand him the phone unless he asks me to read it.

I have a Sony phone he doesn't know my code to unlock it..... the only thing he would find is my boards stuff..

pastry2010

I'm 100% not possessive , I'm talking about harmless flick through a phone and i don't care if my boyfriend goes through my phone as there's nothing in it worth talking about yet other people get very cagey about it. I would never reply for anyone that's a little weird!

ElleEm

But if his friend is texting HIM, what right do you have to read the message?

Would you do it to a friend's phone?

pastry2010

I just think if it's the person you're in a relationship with it shouldn't matter it's another piece of your life you share with them, am I wrong? I'm talking photos and apps and music , I'm not talking texts & emails and what kind of stuff would you hate for your partner to see? Maybe I'm too open then???

Novella

I wouldn't look through messages or calls on any phone that wasn't my own, so a boyfriend would be included in that. I wouldn't appreciate if somebody read my messages. It's not like I text anything I'd be embarrassed for others to read but I mean, if I'm texting a friend, I imagine they expect that the conversation is just between the two of us, so for somebody else to read it, well that would be a breach of privacy in my mind. It is something I would be rather annoyed about.

tiny_penguin

I never would. I used to do this to my exes phone all the time. He was cheating on me and i knew so i used to check his phone log into mails etc. I was in a bda place and I should have just ended to relationship rather get so caught up in the web of distrust that I almost couldnt go a day without checking someting.

My current relationship is totally different - i dont feel the need to do anything like that and don't think I would be in a position to ever know his passwords for anything or him mine. If he is driving and he gets a text he may ask me to read it for him and vice versa for me. But unless he asked I would never look at any message or mail or anything private on his phone.What he talks about to other people is none of my business and as was mentioned its not only invading his privacy but also the privacy of whoever he is texting.

analucija

I wouldn't do it to nose around but I would look at his phone if somebody is calling or sending him txt when he is sitting away from it or if he is having a shower. I would even answer it sometimes but it's because of work. Sometimes an employee would be texting that they won't be in or it's not unusual to get calls from customers on Saturday evening. It's always for practical reasons and I would never go through message or call log. Just the stuff you can see on the phone when it's ringing or parts of the txts you can see on the screen without going into them.

It might be a bit hypocritical of me but going through the phone because you are nosey just seems wrong to me.

Novella

pastry2010 wrote: »

I just think if it's the person you're in a relationship with it shouldn't matter it's another piece of your life you share with them, am I wrong? I'm talking photos and apps and music , I'm not talking texts & emails and what kind of stuff would you hate for your partner to see? Maybe I'm too open then???

I wouldn't be particularly willing to share my phone. Maybe I'm a bit possessive but the way I see it is - he has his phone so why would he need to go through mine? If I thought he'd like an app or a song (or if I thought a friend would like something I'd found), I would recommend it for sure, but I wouldn't be encouraging the use of my phone, which I consider personal and just for me.

I prefer there to be boundaries, that's all. Just because I'm in a relationship with someone doesn't mean I want to or have to share everything with them.

Zeppy7

This is an age old question.. I would say no to this but then again if Yvonne Keating had looked at (dirty dawg) Ronan's phone, where would they be now.. I think if you have an inkling that he may be up to something then it's okay but really, trust is paramount in a relationship.

Scarinae

I suppose the sharing thing would be fine if you both knew where you stood, like if he was happy for you to read his messages and you were happy for him to read yours. Some people do genuinely want to share everything, and that’s fine - it wouldn’t be my thing, personally, but each to their own - however if you’re going through your boyfriend’s phone in secret and would react guiltily if he caught you, then you probably know that you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.

ElleEm

Zeppy7 wrote: »

This is an age old question.. I would say no to this but then again if Yvonne Keating had looked at (dirty dawg) Ronan's phone, where would they be now.. I think if you have an inkling that he may be up to something then it's okay but really, trust is paramount in a relationship.

But if you had an inkling someone was "up to something" would you not just confront your partner? It also means that you have a lack of trust in them or something they're doing!

If Yvonnne Keating had checked her husband's phone, she may have discovered his affair.... but he had an affair! The damage was done already. It could also be the case that if someone lacks trust, and they read an innocent message, they could put 2 + 2 together and come up with 5!

Sea Filly

pastry2010 wrote: »

it's not a trust thing...I'm just a bit nosey!:P

It really screams "trust issues" to look through your OH's phone.

Miaireland

No way would I look through my partners phone and I would be furious if he looked through mine.

As it has others have said you are not only invading his privacy but also the privacy of everyone who text him or have pictures of on his phone etc.

If I wanted to use apps or music on his phone I would ask could I use it and only use that one.

To be honest I see it as respectful.

pastry2010

You see maybe it's because I don't fully understand why some1 would have a problem, I have never sneakily picked up a phone looking for evidence and he has never done it to me! We both have passcodes but I do sometimes get the urge for a nosey..... I think suggesting I have trust issues etc is talking a little too serious,

Sarah**

I do agree it screams "trust issues". However, I have been in a situation before when I went to make a call on my then partners phone and a picture of his ex was on the screen in an open text message - with a full on conversation about how she has "Shaped up and feels so much better, have a look for yourself! ". Naturally I wasn't going to continue to make my call... I of course read on and discovered a whole load of sordid messages.

I understand that the partner has no control over what he/she receives, however, I do believe in honesty and should something like that happen, I would rather the partner told me rather then finding out. I also was being made a fool of as she drank in our local with her friends and whilst those two were carrying on, I was standing at the bar with my friends and his, none the wiser.

I think if a partner is particularly cagey with their phone it can arouse suspicion...

In saying that.... I would never intentionally go through a partners phone. Once you start a pattern like that, you are going to continue to do it.

Zeppy7

ElleEm wrote: »

But if you had an inkling someone was "up to something" would you not just confront your partner? It also means that you have a lack of trust in them or something they're doing!

If Yvonnne Keating had checked her husband's phone, she may have discovered his affair.... but he had an affair! The damage was done already. It could also be the case that if someone lacks trust, and they read an innocent message, they could put 2 + 2 together and come up with 5!

It really depends on your relationship with that partner. I wouldn't necessarily confront my other half just because I 'thought' he may be cheating on me.. I would want to find some evidence first and avoid egg on the face. I am a big believer in instinct though and trust that that would lead me to the truth. Thankfully though, I've never been in that sitch. I'm a wholehearted monogamist and I expect the same in return. :P

LadyMayBelle

Not without him knowing! We share the same unlock code so I guess both of us could check each others at anytime, but why? It's only really me or his Mam who text probably
we share the same friend group too, so its rare something is going on I dont know about, and I trust him 100 percent

baby and crumble

If I see a message come in or a phonecall I immediately look away, it's none of my business who my gf is texting or getting calls from. She's the same. If something comes in like a text and I do see a snippet, I'll probably tell her that "x just texted" but that I wasn't looking! Then again, neither of us would care if the other saw texts or anything, the big thing would be when we're having private conversations with friends that they wouldn't want shared. She knows my unlock code and she'll often play games when I'm not using it- because she's slowly being won around to iPhone from Andorid, bwahahahaah!!!!!

RacoonQueen

Find it hard to belive so many of you wouldn't look through his phone at all. Have yee never looked through anyones phone when you had access to it friends? siblings? etc of course ye have. A partner is no different. Never been in a position to nose through a boyfriends phone but would totally be nosey enough to do it. Would have no issue with him doing same if it was purely a nosiness thing.

RacoonQueen

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Find it hard to belive so many of you wouldn't look through his phone at all. Have yee never looked through anyones phone when you had access to it friends? siblings? etc of course ye have.

No, never

pastry2010

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Find it hard to belive so many of you wouldn't look through his phone at all. Have yee never looked through anyones phone when you had access to it friends? siblings? etc of course ye have. A partner is no different. Never been in a position to nose through a boyfriends phone but would totally be nosey enough to do it. Would have no issue with him doing same if it was purely a nosiness thing.

Finally someone being honest!! I think people on this perceive to be perfect with perfect lives and have perfect relationships which we all know is never the case! Having a look through a partners phone I think should be harmless and innocent & yet so many make it out to be this BIG thing! I don't feel I need to "look away immediately" when a text or call comes in, how dramatic!!!

krudler

hell no, screams trust issues.

Wibbs

Sea Filly wrote: »

It really screams "trust issues" to look through your OH's phone.

Plus one from me. Trust issues disguised as "just being curious". With some if they've grown up in a family where they're on top of each other maybe this is seen as normal?

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Find it hard to belive so many of you wouldn't look through his phone at all. Have yee never looked through anyones phone when you had access to it friends? siblings? etc of course ye have.

Eh no I really haven't.

I've actually broken up with two exes over this stuff. At one point Id even pre check em on dates to see if they were this type. How? Left a message on my phone that along these lines said "right so, you like snooping do you X? Real trustworthy wagon you are". I'd know if they looked when I went to the loo or bar cos when I'd come back I'd be greeted with a face like thunder. funny enough none of them ever admitted it, just sat there fuming.

krudler

Woudl you go through someones belongings or read their mail just "for a nosey?" course not. If you had a very big suspicion they were cheating on you ok it might be justifiable but just doing it for the sake of it, dumpable offence imo.

pastry2010

pastry2010 wrote: »

Finally someone being honest!!

We're all being honest. Accusing people of dishonesty just because they do things differently to you is not very nice.

krudler

Wibbs wrote: »

I've actually broken up with two exes over this stuff. At one point Id even pre check em on dates to see if they were this type. How? Left a message on my phone that along these lines said "right so, you like snooping do you X? Real trustworthy wagon you are". I'd know if they looked when I went to the loo or bar cos when I'd come back I'd be greeted with a face like thunder. funny enough none of them ever admitted it, just sat there fuming.

Well played

Malari

pastry2010 wrote: »

Finally someone being honest!! I think people on this perceive to be perfect with perfect lives and have perfect relationships which we all know is never the case! Having a look through a partners phone I think should be harmless and innocent & yet so many make it out to be this BIG thing! I don't feel I need to "look away immediately" when a text or call comes in, how dramatic!!!

Just because someone doesn't do what you do doesn't mean they are not being honest.

I don't look through my boyfriend's phone because I would find it interminably boring! My own phone is far more interesting I'll sometimes answer it for him if he's in the middle of something or he'll ask me to text a reply if he's driving. But then we've been going out and living together for some time now. Maybe if you are young and in a new relationship and trying to find out more about the boy I could understand the temptation.