Looking through your BOYFRIEND'S phone....

pastry2010

Just a quick one I've had a few relationships and depending on the guy some have been quite open about their phone and wouldn't care if I had a nosey through it than others would be very offended and quite private about their phone.

it's not a trust thing...I'm just a bit nosey!:P

Do you do it???

Scarinae

pastry2010 wrote: »

Just a quick one I've had a few relationships and depending on the guy some have been quite open about their phone and wouldn't care if I had a nosey through it than others would be very offended and quite private about their phone.

it's not a trust thing...I'm just a bit nosey!:P

Do you do it???

No.

If you’re curious about what your boyfriend has been doing and who he has been talking to, why don’t you just ask him - why do you have to look through his phone?

ElleEm

I agree with Scarinae. I would be a bit nosey by nature but I would never invade someone's privacy by going through their phone.
My boyfriend and I are very open with each other, and will often use each other's phones if needed (out of battery/ credit etc.) but I would NEVER look through his messages or call log. He never would with me either. We have nothing to hide though. If I wanna know who he is talking to/ texting I'll ask him. I don't care about the content though. Unless he wants to tell me, it's not my business.

I think people often forget that it is not just the boyfriend/ girlfriend's privacy you're invading. The messages were written by someone to the phone's owner. The content is no business of ANYONE else.

I have a friend whose husband is very possessive and reads her messages. HE has actually responded to me as her before. I no longer text her any personal messages as I know she is not the only one reading them.

OakeyDokey

If I want something like songs or apps then yes I'll have a browse through them to send them to my own phone, but if it's to read all his messages or call register then no! I think if you feel the need to do that then there is trust issues there.

Forgive me if this comes across wrong but writing a post about it seems like you're trying to justify it to yourself.

EDIT: Also had a weird incident like ElleEm. I was texting a friend about meeting up etc. and her fiance wrote back saying that she wasn't able to go out! The thought of her partner seeing previous messages I had sent her about my personal life is shocking.

cynder

My hubby has the iPhone so I play on his apps, don't look through messages, some times yhey pop up and I just hand him the phone unless he asks me to read it.

I have a Sony phone he doesn't know my code to unlock it..... the only thing he would find is my boards stuff..

pastry2010

I'm 100% not possessive , I'm talking about harmless flick through a phone and i don't care if my boyfriend goes through my phone as there's nothing in it worth talking about yet other people get very cagey about it. I would never reply for anyone that's a little weird!

ElleEm

But if his friend is texting HIM, what right do you have to read the message?

Would you do it to a friend's phone?

pastry2010

I just think if it's the person you're in a relationship with it shouldn't matter it's another piece of your life you share with them, am I wrong? I'm talking photos and apps and music , I'm not talking texts & emails and what kind of stuff would you hate for your partner to see? Maybe I'm too open then???

Novella

I wouldn't look through messages or calls on any phone that wasn't my own, so a boyfriend would be included in that. I wouldn't appreciate if somebody read my messages. It's not like I text anything I'd be embarrassed for others to read but I mean, if I'm texting a friend, I imagine they expect that the conversation is just between the two of us, so for somebody else to read it, well that would be a breach of privacy in my mind. It is something I would be rather annoyed about.

tiny_penguin

I never would. I used to do this to my exes phone all the time. He was cheating on me and i knew so i used to check his phone log into mails etc. I was in a bda place and I should have just ended to relationship rather get so caught up in the web of distrust that I almost couldnt go a day without checking someting.

My current relationship is totally different - i dont feel the need to do anything like that and don't think I would be in a position to ever know his passwords for anything or him mine. If he is driving and he gets a text he may ask me to read it for him and vice versa for me. But unless he asked I would never look at any message or mail or anything private on his phone.What he talks about to other people is none of my business and as was mentioned its not only invading his privacy but also the privacy of whoever he is texting.

analucija

I wouldn't do it to nose around but I would look at his phone if somebody is calling or sending him txt when he is sitting away from it or if he is having a shower. I would even answer it sometimes but it's because of work. Sometimes an employee would be texting that they won't be in or it's not unusual to get calls from customers on Saturday evening. It's always for practical reasons and I would never go through message or call log. Just the stuff you can see on the phone when it's ringing or parts of the txts you can see on the screen without going into them.

It might be a bit hypocritical of me but going through the phone because you are nosey just seems wrong to me.

Novella

pastry2010 wrote: »

I just think if it's the person you're in a relationship with it shouldn't matter it's another piece of your life you share with them, am I wrong? I'm talking photos and apps and music , I'm not talking texts & emails and what kind of stuff would you hate for your partner to see? Maybe I'm too open then???

I wouldn't be particularly willing to share my phone. Maybe I'm a bit possessive but the way I see it is - he has his phone so why would he need to go through mine? If I thought he'd like an app or a song (or if I thought a friend would like something I'd found), I would recommend it for sure, but I wouldn't be encouraging the use of my phone, which I consider personal and just for me.

I prefer there to be boundaries, that's all. Just because I'm in a relationship with someone doesn't mean I want to or have to share everything with them.

Zeppy7

This is an age old question.. I would say no to this but then again if Yvonne Keating had looked at (dirty dawg) Ronan's phone, where would they be now.. I think if you have an inkling that he may be up to something then it's okay but really, trust is paramount in a relationship.

Scarinae

I suppose the sharing thing would be fine if you both knew where you stood, like if he was happy for you to read his messages and you were happy for him to read yours. Some people do genuinely want to share everything, and that’s fine - it wouldn’t be my thing, personally, but each to their own - however if you’re going through your boyfriend’s phone in secret and would react guiltily if he caught you, then you probably know that you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.

ElleEm

Zeppy7 wrote: »

This is an age old question.. I would say no to this but then again if Yvonne Keating had looked at (dirty dawg) Ronan's phone, where would they be now.. I think if you have an inkling that he may be up to something then it's okay but really, trust is paramount in a relationship.

But if you had an inkling someone was "up to something" would you not just confront your partner? It also means that you have a lack of trust in them or something they're doing!

If Yvonnne Keating had checked her husband's phone, she may have discovered his affair.... but he had an affair! The damage was done already. It could also be the case that if someone lacks trust, and they read an innocent message, they could put 2 + 2 together and come up with 5!

Sea Filly

pastry2010 wrote: »

it's not a trust thing...I'm just a bit nosey!:P

It really screams "trust issues" to look through your OH's phone.

Miaireland

No way would I look through my partners phone and I would be furious if he looked through mine.

As it has others have said you are not only invading his privacy but also the privacy of everyone who text him or have pictures of on his phone etc.

If I wanted to use apps or music on his phone I would ask could I use it and only use that one.

To be honest I see it as respectful.

pastry2010

You see maybe it's because I don't fully understand why some1 would have a problem, I have never sneakily picked up a phone looking for evidence and he has never done it to me! We both have passcodes but I do sometimes get the urge for a nosey..... I think suggesting I have trust issues etc is talking a little too serious,

Sarah**

I do agree it screams "trust issues". However, I have been in a situation before when I went to make a call on my then partners phone and a picture of his ex was on the screen in an open text message - with a full on conversation about how she has "Shaped up and feels so much better, have a look for yourself! ". Naturally I wasn't going to continue to make my call... I of course read on and discovered a whole load of sordid messages.

I understand that the partner has no control over what he/she receives, however, I do believe in honesty and should something like that happen, I would rather the partner told me rather then finding out. I also was being made a fool of as she drank in our local with her friends and whilst those two were carrying on, I was standing at the bar with my friends and his, none the wiser.

I think if a partner is particularly cagey with their phone it can arouse suspicion...

In saying that.... I would never intentionally go through a partners phone. Once you start a pattern like that, you are going to continue to do it.

Zeppy7

ElleEm wrote: »

But if you had an inkling someone was "up to something" would you not just confront your partner? It also means that you have a lack of trust in them or something they're doing!

If Yvonnne Keating had checked her husband's phone, she may have discovered his affair.... but he had an affair! The damage was done already. It could also be the case that if someone lacks trust, and they read an innocent message, they could put 2 + 2 together and come up with 5!

It really depends on your relationship with that partner. I wouldn't necessarily confront my other half just because I 'thought' he may be cheating on me.. I would want to find some evidence first and avoid egg on the face. I am a big believer in instinct though and trust that that would lead me to the truth. Thankfully though, I've never been in that sitch. I'm a wholehearted monogamist and I expect the same in return. :P

LadyMayBelle

Not without him knowing! We share the same unlock code so I guess both of us could check each others at anytime, but why? It's only really me or his Mam who text probably
we share the same friend group too, so its rare something is going on I dont know about, and I trust him 100 percent

baby and crumble

If I see a message come in or a phonecall I immediately look away, it's none of my business who my gf is texting or getting calls from. She's the same. If something comes in like a text and I do see a snippet, I'll probably tell her that "x just texted" but that I wasn't looking! Then again, neither of us would care if the other saw texts or anything, the big thing would be when we're having private conversations with friends that they wouldn't want shared. She knows my unlock code and she'll often play games when I'm not using it- because she's slowly being won around to iPhone from Andorid, bwahahahaah!!!!!

RacoonQueen

Find it hard to belive so many of you wouldn't look through his phone at all. Have yee never looked through anyones phone when you had access to it friends? siblings? etc of course ye have. A partner is no different. Never been in a position to nose through a boyfriends phone but would totally be nosey enough to do it. Would have no issue with him doing same if it was purely a nosiness thing.

RacoonQueen

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Find it hard to belive so many of you wouldn't look through his phone at all. Have yee never looked through anyones phone when you had access to it friends? siblings? etc of course ye have.

No, never

pastry2010

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Find it hard to belive so many of you wouldn't look through his phone at all. Have yee never looked through anyones phone when you had access to it friends? siblings? etc of course ye have. A partner is no different. Never been in a position to nose through a boyfriends phone but would totally be nosey enough to do it. Would have no issue with him doing same if it was purely a nosiness thing.

Finally someone being honest!! I think people on this perceive to be perfect with perfect lives and have perfect relationships which we all know is never the case! Having a look through a partners phone I think should be harmless and innocent & yet so many make it out to be this BIG thing! I don't feel I need to "look away immediately" when a text or call comes in, how dramatic!!!

krudler

hell no, screams trust issues.

Wibbs

Sea Filly wrote: »

It really screams "trust issues" to look through your OH's phone.

Plus one from me. Trust issues disguised as "just being curious". With some if they've grown up in a family where they're on top of each other maybe this is seen as normal?

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Find it hard to belive so many of you wouldn't look through his phone at all. Have yee never looked through anyones phone when you had access to it friends? siblings? etc of course ye have.

Eh no I really haven't.

I've actually broken up with two exes over this stuff. At one point Id even pre check em on dates to see if they were this type. How? Left a message on my phone that along these lines said "right so, you like snooping do you X? Real trustworthy wagon you are". I'd know if they looked when I went to the loo or bar cos when I'd come back I'd be greeted with a face like thunder. funny enough none of them ever admitted it, just sat there fuming.

krudler

Woudl you go through someones belongings or read their mail just "for a nosey?" course not. If you had a very big suspicion they were cheating on you ok it might be justifiable but just doing it for the sake of it, dumpable offence imo.

pastry2010

pastry2010 wrote: »

Finally someone being honest!!

We're all being honest. Accusing people of dishonesty just because they do things differently to you is not very nice.

krudler

Wibbs wrote: »

I've actually broken up with two exes over this stuff. At one point Id even pre check em on dates to see if they were this type. How? Left a message on my phone that along these lines said "right so, you like snooping do you X? Real trustworthy wagon you are". I'd know if they looked when I went to the loo or bar cos when I'd come back I'd be greeted with a face like thunder. funny enough none of them ever admitted it, just sat there fuming.

Well played

Malari

pastry2010 wrote: »

Finally someone being honest!! I think people on this perceive to be perfect with perfect lives and have perfect relationships which we all know is never the case! Having a look through a partners phone I think should be harmless and innocent & yet so many make it out to be this BIG thing! I don't feel I need to "look away immediately" when a text or call comes in, how dramatic!!!

Just because someone doesn't do what you do doesn't mean they are not being honest.

I don't look through my boyfriend's phone because I would find it interminably boring! My own phone is far more interesting I'll sometimes answer it for him if he's in the middle of something or he'll ask me to text a reply if he's driving. But then we've been going out and living together for some time now. Maybe if you are young and in a new relationship and trying to find out more about the boy I could understand the temptation.

sam34

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Find it hard to belive so many of you wouldn't look through his phone at all. Have yee never looked through anyones phone when you had access to it friends? siblings? etc of course ye have.

speak for yourself, please. and you shouldn't assume that your (lack of) boundaries are the same as everyone else's.

Sarah**

Wibbs wrote: »

Plus one from me. Trust issues disguised as "just being curious". With some if they've grown up in a family where they're on top of each other maybe this is seen as normal?

Eh no I really haven't.

I've actually broken up with two exes over this stuff. At one point Id even pre check em on dates to see if they were this type. How? Left a message on my phone that along these lines said "right so, you like snooping do you X? Real trustworthy wagon you are". I'd know if they looked when I went to the loo or bar cos when I'd come back I'd be greeted with a face like thunder. funny enough none of them ever admitted it, just sat there fuming.

This kind of confuses me... I wouldn't test partners but if they did it and had something to ask me I would say it to them that I find it odd that they feel the need to look through my phone and whilst I have nothing to hide, I would ask that they respect my privacy.

I'll be the first to hold my hand up and say I have massive trust issues but would I go and take them that bit further and effectively snoop through someone elses messages.... No. I'll be straight up, if I have a problem with a partner I will sit down and say it out straight. Why go through the turmoil of driving yourself insane trying to read in to a message for days on end?

TeletextPear

pastry2010 wrote: »

Finally someone being honest!! I think people on this perceive to be perfect with perfect lives and have perfect relationships which we all know is never the case! Having a look through a partners phone I think should be harmless and innocent & yet so many make it out to be this BIG thing! I don't feel I need to "look away immediately" when a text or call comes in, how dramatic!!!

It's not dramatic, it's a courtesy. I don't look at my boyfriends texts because it's none of my business, and vice versa. If I get a text it's usually from one of two friends or my parents, and if anyone is nosy enough to want to read those conversations then they're a bit sad. OP I think you started this thread to justify your own snooping and now you're getting annoyed because not everyone is backing you up :rolleyes:

Bubblefett

I'd never look at my boyfriends phone and he never looks at mine- and it's not just because we trust each other completely but because it's personal, and not just for us.
If his best friend is texting him about a personal problem, what right do I have to look at the message? If he wanted me to know he would have texted me too. Hell if he wants to talk to him about a silly problem, he should still have that right.
If someone texts you they should be able to trust that they're talking to you, not you and whoever else who you let look through your messages. After all, yes you're looking at his phone, but your looking at what other people have written to him.

kippy

If you've been with a guy for a while, and he implicitly won't let you near his phone, I'd be getting a bit worried tbh........
(Not that you would want to be looking at his phone all the time or anything like that)
There are a few fellas I've known in the past that never left their phone out of their sight and never let their partner use it or view it "unattended". Usually for "good" reason. (ie, they were carrying on with someone else, or at the very least "flirting" over the phone with a member of the opposite sex)
I suppose that doesn't mean that everyone who is private with their phone has something to hide but to me, it would defo be a potential warning sign that something isn't right...........

Novella

pastry2010 wrote: »

Finally someone being honest!! I think people on this perceive to be perfect with perfect lives and have perfect relationships which we all know is never the case! Having a look through a partners phone I think should be harmless and innocent & yet so many make it out to be this BIG thing! I don't feel I need to "look away immediately" when a text or call comes in, how dramatic!!!

Me not agreeing with your point of view doesn't make me dishonest.

I don't want anybody to think I'm perfect or have a perfect life. I'm not and I don't, and many of my posts reflect this. However, I don't read other peoples phones - partner or otherwise. I don't think I'm making it out to be a "BIG" thing either.

pastry2010

TeletextPear wrote: »

It's not dramatic, it's a courtesy. I don't look at my boyfriends texts because it's none of my business, and vice versa. If I get a text it's usually from one of two friends or my parents, and if anyone is nosy enough to want to read those conversations then they're a bit sad. OP I think you started this thread to justify your own snooping and now you're getting annoyed because not everyone is backing you up :rolleyes:

I don't snoop !!!!the only reason I am now annoyed is when people presume the reasons why I started the thread!!!!calling me 'sad' for asking people if they look through boyfriends phone is also very mean.I simply asked a generic question and this has been made very personal.

Sarah**

I think the reason behind the OP's question is that Jamie Oliver's wife has recently admitted that she checks his phone quite regularly and Amanda Brunker has also written a piece yesterday in the Sunday World magazine re the issue. It seems to be a "hot topic" at the moment. I could be wrong but I dont think she is looking for justification....

krudler

Sarah** wrote: »

I think the reason behind the OP's question is that Jamie Oliver's wife has recently admitted that she checks his phone quite regularly and Amanda Brunker has also written a piece yesterday in the Sunday World magazine re the issue. It seems to be a "hot topic" at the moment. I could be wrong but I dont think she is looking for justification....

that knobgoblin Samantha Brick does it as well, but only because shes so amazing looking.

Ickle Magoo

Honest truth you want, eh?

I have never sneaked a look at my partners phone and he has a password protected laptop and I've never had any need to know what he does with that either. Shockaroonies. :eek:

It sounds kinda obvious but I work on the principle that if he has something he wants me to see then he'll show me it of his own volition. I think taking it upon myself to "check up" on what he/friends/family are discussing is just rude and a complete breach of trust. I hear about people who check their partners e-mails and have history checkers installed on their PCs and all kind of madness...I actually couldn't stay in a relationship with someone who had those kind of boundary/esteem issues, it would drive me nuts.

Not to mention, I'm confident enough in our relationship that I fully trust he's not doing anything which requires keeping covert tracks on...or I wouldn't bother being in a relationship with him. I don't actually see any point in continuing with a relationship in which I don't trust or stress about what my partner may or may not be doing/saying in my absence...seriously, what's the point?

RacoonQueen

sam34 wrote: »

speak for yourself, please. and you shouldn't assume that your (lack of) boundaries are the same as everyone else's.

Woah, whats with the defensiveness? Never said you all did it said I find it hard to believe that no one other than the op did and then everyone jumped on her saying she has trust issues. I have plenty of boundries thanks, now you are insulting me thanks. My siblings have all looked through my phone, becuase they're nosy. Who cares. I've looked through all my siblings phones, cos I'm nosy. Haven't done it in years but we'd all have done it when we were younger and sure my eldest brother still does. I don't care, it's no issue.

analucija

As I said the only reason I ever look at bf's phone is work, so I have no idea why should I ever look at my brother's or my parent's phone. Or why should I actually care enough to look.

baby and crumble

pastry2010 wrote: »

Finally someone being honest!! I think people on this perceive to be perfect with perfect lives and have perfect relationships which we all know is never the case! Having a look through a partners phone I think should be harmless and innocent & yet so many make it out to be this BIG thing! I don't feel I need to "look away immediately" when a text or call comes in, how dramatic!!!

Tbh I am being honest. I look away.

Neyite

pastry2010 wrote: »

You see maybe it's because I don't fully understand why some1 would have a problem, I have never sneakily picked up a phone looking for evidence and he has never done it to me! We both have passcodes but I do sometimes get the urge for a nosey..... I think suggesting I have trust issues etc is talking a little too serious,

I am very open with my partner - he knows the pin to my bank cards, and I know his. We are both also ok with borrowing cash out of each other's wallets. I can take his credit card and leave text him to say I have it and he trusts me that I wont go daft with it. He knows my email passwords, and I know his. Some couples would be horrified at that level of sharing - but it works for us.

Having said that I wouldnt look through his phone, unless he asked me (say, to look up something while he is driving or answer it while he is in the shower). His texts especially I would consider private - because other people text him - and that is between them, nothing to do with me. I'm not entitled to be privvy to private conversations he has with others, nor would I want to know.

Kerry Gooner

Would you object if he wanted to look through your phone?

Ectoplasm

Never have and never would. Being totally honest I'd be really annoyed if I found out someone (anyone) had looked through my phone and it's nothing to do with having anything to hide - my life is rarely that exciting! My texts/mails etc have nothing to do with anyone other than the person they are addressed to and someone else reading them is similar to them standing behind a door and listening in on a conversation. It would bug me.

That said, I think I lack the nosy gene - for those who would look through their partners phone, why would you want to do it? Genuine question here. What is it that you want to find/see/know? What is behind the urge?

Ickle Magoo

Kerry Gooner wrote: »

Would you object if he wanted to look through your phone?

Not sure if that's aimed at everyone? For me, that would be a yes...but then I can't imagine him ever asking to do such a thing. If he needs a number he'll ask me to shout it out, if he wants to know how someone is doing, he just asks me.

Needing to satiate his own curiosity/self-esteem issues by checking up on every available private communication I partake in? Yes, I would object - to being in a relationship with them...having been in a relationship with someone with insecurity issues, anything that hinted of going back down that road again would have me sprinting in the opposite direction.

Malari

Kerry Gooner wrote: »

Would you object if he wanted to look through your phone?

No, up to a point. He can check my browser history, phone call log, apps, YouTube videos played, anything like that. I don't mind 95% of the texts being seen, but every so often a girl friend might text or email me something private and I know they wouldn't expect me to share anything very personal with him so I would withhold that kind of stuff. Myself? I have nothing to hide.

Kerry Gooner

And if you found nothing suspicious would you be disappointed?

sam34

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Woah, whats with the defensiveness? Never said you all did it said I find it hard to believe that no one other than the op did and then everyone jumped on her saying she has trust issues. I have plenty of boundries thanks, now you are insulting me thanks. My siblings have all looked through my phone, becuase they're nosy. Who cares. I've looked through all my siblings phones, cos I'm nosy. Haven't done it in years but we'd all have done it when we were younger and sure my eldest brother still does. I don't care, it's no issue.

a) I wasn't being defensive, but even if I was, I don't think that could be considered unreasonable given that you were basically accusing posters of lying

b) you accuse me of insulting you- see point a) above

c) "who cares?". a lot of people, as seen by this thread. from my POV, my private texts, emails, memos etc are meant for my eyes and those to whom they are addressed only, not a nosy family member or passing friend.