Inappropriate questions or comments

Kimia

Ladies, have you ever had someone ask you a really inappropriate question or comment where you're almost open-mouthed wondering what the hell to respond?

I have had a few humdingers in my time. I get a lot of 'is that your natural hair colour?' which doesn't bother me although hearing it for the 1,000,000th time is a bit annoying.

I have gotten one recently from a female work colleague who, when I said that I liked my hair long, said that I should be careful not to be mutton dressed as lamb or something similar. When did I become mutton!

baby and crumble

A friend of mine was once asked to her FACE if the reason there was "so much disability" in her family was because of incest.

I swear to God.

Also, my mum was incredibly thin all her life- it really bothered her. Once she was stopped on the street and asked if she had anorexia.

The mind boggles.

Ellsbells

I've been asked what size my boobs are...

The Lovely Muffin

One time someone said to me "you must be a size six as there isn't a pick on ya", then told me that he had seen a size ten woman leaving a shop and she was "huge", bearing in mind I'm a size 12......

One time on Facebook someone said to me "who ya luvin", he was immediately blocked.

Kimia

baby and crumble wrote: »

A friend of mine was once asked to her FACE if the reason there was "so much disability" in her family was because of incest.

I swear to God.

Also, my mum was incredibly thin all her life- it really bothered her. Once she was stopped on the street and asked if she had anorexia.

The mind boggles.

Oh my good god that is breathtaking in its rudeness.

A friend of mine was asked (at a work lunch by a colleague) if the curtains matched the drapes (she has red hair).

Some people!

I heard the best response to these types of questions is to play dumb and ask 'excuse me?' - if they're being deliberately inflammatory they should back off.

Although some people are just dumb as rocks.

julyjane

I've been in a relationship for 11 years now and time and time again the same people ask us if we have any plans to get married. It started to piss me off about 5 years ago and they still do it. They usually start around the time they're getting married themselves.

The Big Red Button

Kimia wrote: »

I have gotten one recently from a female work colleague who, when I said that I liked my hair long, said that I should be careful not to be mutton dressed as lamb or something similar. When did I become mutton!

I had something similar a few years ago, where a colleague (slightly older than me) was getting married, and was getting her hair cut short.

I didn't offer an opinion, one way or the other. Her own business.

But she made a point of mentioning to me that, yeah, it was nice having long hair when I was young, but that when I got married and had children, of course I'd get it cut.

I just said that having children and getting married were in no way synonymous to me. And that I didn't see the link between the length of my hair and either event.

deelite

I get asked if my eldest child is my husbands - because there's a 7 year age gap between the eldest and the next child ( I was asked by the local health visitor as well when my youngest was born)

The Lovely Muffin

julyjane wrote: »

I've been in a relationship for 11 years now and time and time again the same people ask us if we have any plans to get married. It started to piss me off about 5 years ago and they still do it. They usually start around the time they're getting married themselves.

This absolutely drives me crackers.

I'm with my boyfriend a year this month and have already been asked about marriage and kids.

Only yesterday my mother asked me if I'd like to get married in a church and I said no and even if I did we couldn't as my bf isn't a member of the church.

Then she said if I had kids would I have them christened and I said no.

She wasn't too happy, but knew to leave me alone and not ask me again.

This whole thing of everyone wants to get married have babies drives me mad.

Just because you* want marriage and babies doesn't mean everyone does.

As for a wedding, registry office and a nice meal in a restaurant is exactly what I'd like, the whole thing of having a church blessing/ceremony, big party in a hotel, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, page boys, speeches, white dress etc does not appeal to me at all. I'd rather spend a few hundred and have a really enjoyable day rather than spending thousands and having a big day that I won't enjoy.

*you - general, not anyone specifically.

Scarinae

chatterpillar wrote: »

I had something similar a few years ago, where a colleague (slightly older than me) was getting married, and was getting her hair cut short.

I didn't offer an opinion, one way or the other. Her own business.

But she made a point of mentioning to me that, yeah, it was nice having long hair when I was young, but that when I got married and had children, of course I'd get it cut.

I just said that having children and getting married were in no way synonymous to me. And that I didn't see the link between the length of my hair and either event.

I've never understood this! Why would you have to get your hair cut? Fair enough if you want to cut it, but why is it assumed that it's the done thing? I know full well that short hair would not suit me, so there is absolutely no way I will have an Irish mammy haircut. My own mum is 59 and she still has shoulder-length hair, and it looks great on her.

As for inappropriate questions... Like The Lovely Muffin, I find it bizarre when people ask me whether or not I will baptise my nonexistent future children and ask questions about how I will bring them up. Even if I was pregnant I'd still find it a bit inappropriate, but considering I'm not then I definitely do. Also, I'm a bit on the fence about having children anyway, but I've learned that saying as much leads to all sorts of annoying questions ("Is that not a bit selfish?" or "Won't you regret that when you're old and you've nobody to take care of you?")

In terms of jaw-droppingly inappropriate questions, an acquaintance once asked me how tight my vagina was :mad:

x Purple Pawprints x

Not inappropriate as such but people always ask me if I like animals.. I always smile and say that I do but inside my head I'm going "Yes, I'm a vet nurse but I hate animals.." It annoys me a teeny bit..

nadey

when i was in college we were all talking about who lives with who / relationships and one women turned to me and asked did i live with my boyfriend and i said yes

well she hit the roof saying that i will burn in hell and so will my mam and dad for letting me move in with him before marriage and they failed as parents

we all just laughed at her which really pissed her off

Polloloca

Just the usual crude stuff. Usually older men. Was asked last night if it would take much to "get up" on me. My father was sitting next to me, completely disgusted.

daenerysstormborn3

I was told by a hairdresser that I should stop growing my hair because "it's fine when you're young but once you reach a certain age it just looks ridiculous". I'm 25, I was 24 at the time. It was a very strange comment to make, the more hair I have the more they charge so you'd think she would be delighted with my heap of hair

LottieP25

I got asked if the reason why I had a great personality was down to the fact that my nose was so big..

Mind boggles... needless to say he didnt get a second date!!!

Honey-ec

chatterpillar wrote: »

I had something similar a few years ago, where a colleague (slightly older than me) was getting married, and was getting her hair cut short.

I didn't offer an opinion, one way or the other. Her own business.

But she made a point of mentioning to me that, yeah, it was nice having long hair when I was young, but that when I got married and had children, of course I'd get it cut.

I just said that having children and getting married were in no way synonymous to me. And that I didn't see the link between the length of my hair and either event.

So many people asked me if I was getting my hair cut after I got married. I was like "Whuh?" Mentioned it to my hairdresser and she was like "Ah yeah, the Married Bob. Loads of women do it." Apparently cutting off your "scoring hair" is extremely common once you get married...

Sad, sad, sad. Like, is the act of marriage itself not symbolic enough? Women somehow feel the need to cut their hair to show their husbands that they no longer feel the need to appear attractive to other men? Or something?

ashes79

I was in a job interview (!!) once & the subject of my son came up, I am a single mother & the interviewer asked me "How did you manage that?". I am still a bit shocked by it. I just sat there with my jaw on my lap in complete shock!

Eve_Dublin

Kimia wrote: »

I have had a few humdingers in my time. I get a lot of 'is that your natural hair colour?' which doesn't bother me although hearing it for the 1,000,000th time is a bit annoying.

Is it because you get asked that question a lot or the question itself? It's usually meant as a compliment, no?

sambuka41

I have been asked a good few times "are you small enough to be technically considered a midget" :eek::eek: How do you respond to that?? I usually reply with "well if I am then so is Kylie because we are the same height" (4ft 11"):p

Zulu

This jumps to mind: a few years ago, when diagnosed with cancer & receiving chemotherapy, a work colleague (not a close friend now, just someone from the same department) asked me in passing, "so how are you getting on? right, right, and how will the chemo affect your fertility?"

I was aghast. I didn't know what to say to her other than the truth. "It's not as permanent or serious for men". W.T.F. I wouldn't ask a close family member that, never mind a work colleague!?!

There's nauwt queer as folk.

analucija

Inappropriate questions usually don't bother me because I can be as vulgar as the person asking them. The annoying ones are questions from people that try to meddle with your life and they can be completely innocent.

As for hair, I like to cut my hair short every so often because it suits me and because I want change. I find it equally ridiculous how some people think they need to have long hair to be attractive.

Gauge

I get the "cheer up love" type comments a lot, but it sometimes extends further to guys (it's always guys) straight up telling me I'm cold, icey, grumpy-looking, etc. Very harsh comments that come out of nowhere! Or they walk right up and tell me to "smile".

It seems to be a very, very common thing that women experience and I find it unforgivably rude. There are few things that annoy me more than when I'm having a good time on a night out and some randomer has to take the time to inform me that I don't actually look like I'm having a good time. Thanks so much for pointing out that my natural facial expression isn't a blatantly happy one. Now I'm going to find it hard not to be self conscious about it for the rest of the night.

As for telling me to smile? Not going to happen. Funnily enough, strangers walking up to me and attempting to dictate what my facial expression should be out of nowhere isn't likely to get a smile out of me.

I've been getting these comments for years now and I still never quite know how to respond when it happens. I just can't understand how so many people don't realise how rude it is to remark on a stranger's face like that.

The Big Red Button

analucija wrote: »

Inappropriate questions usually don't bother me because I can be as vulgar as the person asking them.

Inappropriate is not necessarily the same as vulgar.

analucija wrote: »

As for hair, I like to cut my hair short every so often because it suits me and because I want change. I find it equally ridiculous how some people think they need to have long hair to be attractive.

Weird, I've actually never heard anyone state that they think people need long hair to be attractive. Either on this thread or elsewhere!

Forest Demon

Seen this thread on the main page. I hope the ladies don't mind me commenting.

I am a man and I have been asked on a couple of occasions by people that I have not seen in a bit "What happened to you?" :eek:

I put on serious weight due to medication and the change is dramatic (I am talking Val Kilmer dramatic) but do people think I have not noticed the 4 stone? It really gets me down and I hate bumping into people that I have not seen in a couple of years.

I lose weight so slowly but I am starting to make headway but it really sets me back when I get these comments.

I hate cruel comments shrouded in concern. What genuine reason would you have to bring these things up?

sambuka41

chatterpillar wrote: »

Weird, I've actually never heard anyone state that they think people need long hair to be attractive. Either on this thread or elsewhere!

I would have encountered this. I remember a friend of mine who got her long hair cut to a bob and hated it. She kept saying she wasn't pretty anymore she looked like a boy. All while I had a bob!! tad insensitive.
My hair wont grow passed my shoulders. I would kill to have thick,long hair, I think its the thing of what you don't have,you want.

Goat the dote

Asked was I pregnant a couple of years ago. No I'm just fat was my response. The backtracking was amusing. Still upset me though, my weight is up and down

johnwest288

Bloke here who just noticed this thread in main page
My other half who happens to be quite petite. Not anorexic looking just small framed. After anytime she meets my sisters who are quite big. Within a few days ill be asked by them in conversation they will ALLWAYS slip in some of the following comments.

"Does she have a problem with her weight"
"shes SHOCKING thin"
"Does she not eat"
"she would want to put some weight on"

I would love to just say... Yeah she has a problem with her weight Her problem is she isnt a greedy pig....
I bite my tongue thou :P
The gas thing is these sisters never stop talkin about diets etc lol

analucija

chatterpillar wrote: »

analucija wrote: »

Inappropriate questions usually don't bother me because I can be as vulgar as the person asking them.

Inappropriate is not necessarily the same as vulgar.

analucija wrote: »

As for hair, I like to cut my hair short every so often because it suits me and because I want change. I find it equally ridiculous how some people think they need to have long hair to be attractive.

Weird, I've actually never heard anyone state that they think people need long hair to be attractive. Either on this thread or elsewhere!

I hate the assumption that you are choosing mummy haircut if you have short hair? It is not exactly saying that you are attractive.

And I know that inappropriate is not the same as vulgar. But the most often inappropriate comments are vulgar. I don't find somebody asking me when I'm getting married inappropriate but I guess it depends how sensitive you are.

Eve_Dublin

Spanish can be shockingly blunt a fair bit but one comment that really gets to me is, "Your Irish...does that mean you hate the English?" because of a) the frequency of it and b) what kind of crazy small talk question is that to ask a person you've just met and don't know from adam anyway? They're basically asking me straight out am I bigot. I can't imagine they'd ask other nationalities something similar....seems like a bit of a joke among some.

I also work in an office and every time I pass by reception, the guy shouts at me, "Long live Ireland! English out!!". Jesus Christ like....

eviltwin

There is a big gap between my 2 children - 12 yrs to be exact - and when I was pregnant with the youngest people felt it was entirely within their rights to ask me, often in front of the older one, did my kids have the same dad :eek:

A member of my family was done a few years ago for downloading child pornography, very few people know about it but one of those who does had the nerve to ask me if it was safe to leave their kids with me in case that kind of thing runs in families :mad:

Dolbert

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Spanish can be shockingly blunt a fair bit but one comment that really gets to me is, "Your Irish...does that mean you hate the English?" because of a) the frequency of it and b) what kind of crazy small talk question is that to ask a person you've just met and don't know from adam anyway? They're basically asking me straight out am I bigot. I can't imagine they'd ask other nationalities something similar....seems like a bit of a joke among some.

I also work in an office and every time I pass by reception, the guy shouts at me, "Long live Ireland! English out!!". Jesus Christ like....

Heh, I remember the same thing when I lived in Spain. One guy kept asking if I was in 'Eera' until I copped that he meant the IRA :eek: He was asking as though it would be perfectly normal for an Irish person!

confusticated

eviltwin wrote: »

There is a big gap between my 2 children - 12 yrs to be exact - and when I was pregnant with the youngest people felt it was entirely within their rights to ask me, often in front of the older one, did my kids have the same dad :eek:

A member of my family was done a few years ago for downloading child pornography, very few people know about it but one of those who does had the nerve to ask me if it was safe to leave their kids with me in case that kind of thing runs in families :mad:

A lot of these made my jaw drop, but the above are mental. WHO ASKS THAT?! God almighty. Don't think I'd feel like doing them a favour and minding their kids after that.

Honey-ec

A bunch of girls in a nightclub asked me if my boobs were real before. I was drinking in the company of a very well known athlete at the time and they were just being as bitchy as possible because of that. So of course I told them no, and that he had paid for them.

Scarinae

analucija wrote: »

As for hair, I like to cut my hair short every so often because it suits me and because I want change. I find it equally ridiculous how some people think they need to have long hair to be attractive.

I don’t think anyone was saying that you have to have long hair to be attractive, it depends what suits you - short hair would be lovely if I had the face/bone structure for it, but personally long hair suits me much better. Red hair would also be hideous on me, but gorgeous on a lot of other people.

I’ve just thought of another one - I’m in a long-distance relationship, and an incredible number of people have asked me how I know that my boyfriend is not cheating on me. Even people that I have only met that day have asked me this, including a girl who was viewing a room in a flat that I lived in. People don’t always let it drop either - “But how do you know for sure he’s not cheating on you?” - and one or two have even asked if I’d cheat on him since he probably wouldn’t find out Whatever about friends, I think that the relationship dynamics of someone you don’t really know is a strange thing to comment on.

eviltwin

Another thing that annoys me is other people who think because I have only had the one boyfriend that I must be secretly regretful that I haven't had lots of sexual partners.

nadey

eviltwin wrote: »

Another thing that annoys me is other people who think because I have only had the one boyfriend that I must be secretly regretful that I haven't had lots of sexual partners.

oh my god i used get that all time people saying im young and i should have " played the field "

Jenneke87

"So your parents live abroad? Thats terrible that they abandoned you, what kind of parent would do that(so without knowing the situation youre implying that my parents are bad people,right...)

Do you have boulima?

Why are you not married?

You should go to a doctor, you are so pale

My former best friend to my new boyfriend"you wanna be careful, she's a bit of a slut.:cool:

Yardleys Lavender

I used to work in Boston Scientific and during one of the Sigma courses, we have as usual a problem to solve. Any way, the "team" I was on was lead by a lovely tit of a girl who thought she knew everything and put her answers forward as those of the group.

Ergo, when it came to the crunch, her answer was wrong and mine was right. (Bear in mind, I'm a grown up....if some one wants to make a nit of herself, who am I to argue!!!) So it came time to talk through the exercise with the course instructor. The instructor asked the silly girl why didn't she utilize my reasoning and follow through to the right answer.

She said, in front of everybody in the room, that she didn't think I LOOKED like I could know the right answer!!!!!!!!!:o What the???

Yardleys Lavender

Yardleys Lavender wrote: »

I used to work in Boston Scientific and during one of the Sigma courses, we have as usual a problem to solve. Any way, the "team" I was on was lead by a lovely tit of a girl who thought she knew everything and put her answers forward as those of the group.

Ergo, when it came to the crunch, her answer was wrong and mine was right. (Bear in mind, I'm a grown up....if some one wants to make a nit of herself, who am I to argue!!!) So it came time to talk through the exercise with the course instructor. The instructor asked the silly girl why didn't she utilize my reasoning and follow through to the right answer.

She said, in front of everybody in the room, that she didn't think I LOOKED like I could know the right answer!!!!!!!!!:o What the???

I hate those stupid things
work out a puzzle
I have it worked out, start explaining to the group
they look at me dubiously then say "no i dont think so" after about 2 sentences and then waste the next hour coming to the same conclusion
i'm sure it's my own teamwork at fault there :pac:
actually it was the same set up in that it was mostly one bossy girl deciding she was in charge who did the "no" bit

luckily haven't had to do it in a long time and i think i'm a bit more persuasive since, but it's a bit stupid

Yardleys Lavender

Thank God there's someone out there like me. I do everything that work tells (and pays!!) for me to do, as it looks good to those in division and obviously I don't walk away with nothing out of them. I regard everything as experience. But those Sigma courses....yowsa.....they made for long mornings!!!:o

Pomplamousse

"Have you always had bad skin?" would be the one that sticks out the most for me, said by a guy I was dating at the time. Wouldn't mind but my skin's not even that bad, might have some off days every now and again. :mad:

I've also had the whole "cheer up, it might never happen" crap thrown at me a few times, really need to come up with a cutting response in case it happens again:D

Fluorescence

Pomplamousse wrote: »

"Have you always had bad skin?" would be the one that sticks out the most for me, said by a guy I was dating at the time. Wouldn't mind but my skin's not even that bad, might have some off days every now and again. :mad:

I've also had the whole "cheer up, it might never happen" crap thrown at me a few times, really need to come up with a cutting response in case it happens again:D

"It already has *sobs*" is my response to that one.

Pomplamousse

Fluorescence wrote: »

"It already has *sobs*" is my response to that one.

I was thinking something more along the lines of "who wouldn't be miserable seeing a face like yours". But funnier:D

grey_so_what

The one comment that really stuck in my mind was after my husbands funeral at the "afters" one of his bosses came up to me and asked me when I was moving back to my mother and father's house as "What would a girl on her own do in a big house like that?"....It was a 2 bed semi-d!......

I nearly dropped down dead myself at the thought at going back after all the time it took me to get out!.....

Just remembered, he also told me it was not that bad because if I moved back I could look after them in their old age.

I was 22!

CastorTroy

Guy here, bravely venturing to the Ladies Lounge. Saw the title and brought back memory of something at work.

A manager that I sometimes attended meetings with seemed to be constantly annoyed at me for no reason. Turns out she mistook me as a guy who used to work there that asked her once when she was due, when she wasn't pregnant. So when it was brought up one day, it was pointed out to her by a girl on my team that I wasn't even working there at the time.

MauraTheThird

I was at work Saturday and I was cleaning a room with this girl that I know from work but, as I'm part-time, have had only little contact with. She and I have had chats about our boyfriends , as young ladies do Anyways, it was fine, just chatting away when she asked me "How long were ye together before ye slept together?" :eek:

Firstly, WHAT THE HELL! That's nobody's business.

Secondly, I barely know her.

Thirdly, WHAT THE HELL!

I went PURE red, got so flustered and stammered "I don't feel comfortable talking about this with you. I wouldn't talk about it with my friends." I was shocked. How rude. And it got worse. We were almost finished work and talking to another girl. 50 shades of grey came up and the wagon mentioned that they should stop talking about it so I didn't get uncomfortable, with a big smirk on her face:mad: So annoyed:eek:

metaoblivia

Years back, I had a stalker who broke into my house one night and assaulted me. He had been stalking me for months beforehand and continued to stalk me afterwards, and I ended up having to leave town and move to an entirely different state to get away.

So later on, when I would mention this to new 'friends,' some of them - and no, not just one, but this happened several times - would respond by saying, "What if he's still stalking you? Have you ever thought about that? What if he's out there every night and you have no idea? Isn't that a scary thought?"

And I don't know what was worse - the assumption that, after going through such a traumatic experience I wouldn't be living with thoughts like that every day for a very long time; or the fact that most of these people would be smiling while they said it because they weren't really concerned about my well being, they were just trying to scare me.

Getting there

Dolorous wrote: »

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Spanish can be shockingly blunt a fair bit but one comment that really gets to me is, "Your Irish...does that mean you hate the English?" because of a) the frequency of it and b) what kind of crazy small talk question is that to ask a person you've just met and don't know from adam anyway? They're basically asking me straight out am I bigot. I can't imagine they'd ask other nationalities something similar....seems like a bit of a joke among some.

I also work in an office and every time I pass by reception, the guy shouts at me, "Long live Ireland! English out!!". Jesus Christ like....

Heh, I remember the same thing when I lived in Spain. One guy kept asking if I was in 'Eera' until I copped that he meant the IRA :eek: He was asking as though it would be perfectly normal for an Irish person!

I was asked that once by an italian but though he was mispronoincing Eire, cue me responding with "yeah but we don't call it that really anymore" oops!

Teyla Emmagan

A woman in work a few years ago (some dozy tw&t on a 'back to work scheme') asked my sister when she was due. I will never forget how upset she was. I'd still like to track that woman down and break her ankles at times.

Stupid cow.

Catari Jaguar

My mam's friend, never married, and I've never known her to have had a relationship... asked me if myself and my fiance slept in the same bed. We live together. Wtf like?

We were discussing wedding plans I mentioned we wouldn't be getting married in a church. She then probed as to why, which is none of her business. She says "I don't think I'd want to go if it's not in a church then" So my Mam goes, "If you want church wedding so bad, you should have your own!" Never loved my mammy so much :D

christmas2012

When did I become mutton!

...Ill be honest in ireland every woman becomes mutton at 25 or over,thats just the rule :pac: now theres an inappropriate for ya! :pac:


OH!I got one i was asked a few years ago,were you always this fat,or is this a new thing.I wouldnt mind but at the time i was really struggling with my weight was a bit down in the dumps just eating,eating eating,but lost it again,i wouldnt mind but i wasnt obese or anything like that!Needless to say i didnt call back or anything thought he was a bit of a dick and my first impression of him wasnt that good either,he wore a luminous puff gilet jacket and tracksuit pants,i just thought oh fuck here we go - scobe territory..:(