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Hugging the Irish aul fellow

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  • 01-07-2012 7:16pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 2,952 ✭✭✭


    Of all the 30 odd years of my life I never remember any time myself and the aul fellow hugged. Having moved a good distance from home and rarely get home to see the parents. My father is an emotional statue a bit like his father and probably all my fore fathers. When it comes to his sons a certain stuborness comes into play. Anyway this weekend when I was saying goodbye instead of shaking his hand I just gave him a great big hug. It felt great especially when he hugged back. What is it with Irish fathers and sons that it feels awkward to show emotions either way.


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Comments

  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,827 ✭✭✭christmas2012


    Its deffo an irish thing,you see on the continent with males,they hug or greet all the time,although with the younger irish generation up to the mid thirties they are more open with gestures of friendly affection..


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,774 ✭✭✭✭BattleCorp


    Nah, I don't hug the auld lad either. Or any other lad for that matter. It just doesn't feel right.

    I must be the same as nearly every other Irish male, an emotional cripple.


  • Registered Users Posts: 213 ✭✭Trigger13222


    Sure ud be gay if you were hugging the father.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,664 ✭✭✭policarp


    They would also feel very awkward kissing women, outside of the family, on the cheeks, continental style. . .


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,674 ✭✭✭Peetrik


    Just do this while saying 'C'mere pappa-bear', then do joke shoving while guffawing in a manly way


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  • Registered Users Posts: 882 ✭✭✭ygolometsipe


    I used to hug my grandad all the time to make the auld lad jealous!
    Grandad died, some say I hugged too hard!


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,068 ✭✭✭Tipsy McSwagger


    Hugged my father at his 60th a few weeks ago, I was drunk as a skunk though.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,733 ✭✭✭Duckworth_Luas


    Any man trying to hug me will get a kick in the balls.

    Except on the soccer field, that's OK!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    Just because they do it on the continent doesn't mean I have to.

    I also don't wear half-mast chinos, ride hairdryer scooters around fountains, pickpocket tourists or pinch girls arses.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,952 ✭✭✭Lando Griffin


    stovelid wrote: »
    Just because they do it on the continent doesn't mean I have to.

    I also don't wear half-mast chinos, ride hairdryer scooters around fountains, pickpocket tourists or pinch girls arses.
    Bet you wish you could. Except the pickpocket one


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,401 ✭✭✭Seanchai


    Look. He won't be around forever. As they get older they get more afraid, especially when they are living longer than their own Dad lived, and when their friends are dying.

    In our current culture, it's hard being a 'man' and to show kindness to our fathers. But that really is us, not them. When they are old they appreciate such a simple act of kindness more than they'd like to show.

    No point in lamenting when he's gone that you never gave him a hug. I find my own Dad just wants to chat more now. And if I can help him lift something heavy around the house or in the garden he's delighted. But he's certainly more afraid now, sadly. I want to hug him to let him know I'm there to help.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,562 ✭✭✭✭Sunnyisland


    Seanchai wrote: »
    Look. He won't be around forever. As they get older they get more afraid, especially when they are living longer than their own Dad lived, and when their friends are dying.

    In our current culture, it's hard being a 'man' and to show kindness to our fathers. But that really is us, not them. When they are old they appreciate such a simple act of kindness more than they'd like to show.

    No point in lamenting when he's gone that you never gave him a hug. I find my own Dad just wants to chat more now. And if I can help him lift something heavy around the house or in the garden he's delighted. But he's certainly more afraid now, sadly. I want to hug him to let him know I'm there to help.


    Irish men do display an emotion of sorts as above but a lot of them seem incapable of dealing with their emotions when the time comes to dealing with them and seem to let the emotions control them to a certain degree with it boiling up and simmering and contributing to things like the high suicide rates etc. Im not of the opinion that men should go around and ball their eyes out at the first opportunity but there needs to be a better understanding among Irish men that bottling up your emotions takes its toll and eventually will lead to rack and ruin of sorts.IMO :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,540 ✭✭✭Giselle


    stovelid wrote: »
    Just because they do it on the continent doesn't mean I have to.

    I also don't wear half-mast chinos, ride hairdryer scooters around fountains, pickpocket tourists or pinch girls arses.

    And how much better would your life be if you did? Apart from the pickpocketing, that's a given.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,573 ✭✭✭pragmatic1


    Yeah my auld boy is the same. I've never seen him cry either. Tbh at this stage I'd feel weirded out if my father hugged me. Whenever he gets any way emotional I just want to leave the room.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,986 ✭✭✭Red Hand


    Never hugged my father. He's gone now, so won't be able to.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,666 ✭✭✭DebDynamite


    I don't think I've ever seen my dad hug either of my brothers... and both of them live abroad, which is more sad.

    I feel sorry for the Irish males who were born in the 40's/50's. The majority of them (where I grew up) seem to be quite emotionally detached.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,731 ✭✭✭GreenWolfe


    Dad and me were never particularly close, I never felt like I really got the chance to know him. Watching him lose his mind and everything else to Alzheimer's was so tough.

    He's gone since last year. I have my regrets.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,656 ✭✭✭norrie rugger


    My father had a bit of a scare a while back, made me realise that he won't be around for ever. Then I broke my neck last year and tbh, scared the crap out of him. We are much more open to the hug now


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,395 ✭✭✭✭mikemac1


    Showing emotion is weakness OP
    This includes crying at funerals


    Be the strong, silent type


    Just the way of it I suppose in Ireland
    I doubt the Brits are any different, it's not just an Irish thing


    In fact you could say the Brits take this further as their funerals can be quite small, not such an event
    Event is the wrong word but just what I can think of


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 788 ✭✭✭Sound Bite


    "emotional statue" - sadly a very accurate description of most Irish fathers OP.


  • Registered Users Posts: 127 ✭✭whendovescry


    Hugging has never resulted in anything but positive energy in my experience. It can be a very powerful yet understated display of affection and is woefully undervalued by emotionally frigid Irish males


  • Registered Users Posts: 104 ✭✭KingK


    Me and my old man would never show any emotions toward each other, it's also the same with him and his father. I always wondered was it just me Da being a bit of a **** ha. But down the years I'v realised it's the way alot of us in Ireland are, if any emotion needs to be shown at any stage a nod of the head is enough for both of us to know what is going on and I wouldn't have it any other way.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,219 ✭✭✭PK2008


    Hug the ma, give the da a handshake...


    ....we're not Italians


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,214 ✭✭✭cbyrd


    My dad died 18 months ago.. i wish i hugged him more . . :(


  • Registered Users Posts: 29,058 ✭✭✭✭CastorTroy


    Was thinking one day about this but deicded if I started hugging him now when going back home, then he'd start to think there's something wrong.


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,758 ✭✭✭✭TeddyTedson


    CastorTroy wrote: »
    Was thinking one day about this but deicded if I started hugging him now when going back home, then he'd start to think there's something wrong.
    I watched Face Off last night:)
    Sorry, I just had to say that.
    Love that film.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,893 ✭✭✭Davidius


    I like the lack of hugging. We don't need to be all hugging and crying all the time to express emotions. Hugging each other for no reason is becoming too common.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,037 ✭✭✭Nothingbetter2d


    Of all the 30 odd years of my life I never remember any time myself and the aul fellow hugged. Having moved a good distance from home and rarely get home to see the parents. My father is an emotional statue a bit like his father and probably all my fore fathers. When it comes to his sons a certain stuborness comes into play. Anyway this weekend when I was saying goodbye instead of shaking his hand I just gave him a great big hug. It felt great especially when he hugged back. What is it with Irish fathers and sons that it feels awkward to show emotions either way.

    i hugged my dad when his mother died... other than that i never hugged him.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,327 ✭✭✭Sykk




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