whats your man allowed to do ??

nadey

I was in work the other day and the girls were talking about how they dont let their husbands / boyfriends play their xbox or playstation when they are home with them because they dont like it and they will be on it for hours on end

do any other women on here do the same and if you do why ???


its only a game like it doesn't actually have to be playing games just anything really that you dont like them doing

can you imagine if our men told us we cant go shopping because they just dont like it


interested in what people have to say on it

thanks

aN.Droid

As a man here is my perspective on it.

Women have no right to tell there boyfriend/husband what they cannot do. They are not puppeteers. If I where in that kind of relationship I would have ran for the hills a long time ago! I mean I understand if the girlfriend/wife want's some time with the husband, that is fine but going as far as banning them from a certain activity they enjoy will only push them away. I know I would be.

Same goes for men ofcourse. Everyone has free will.

Mance Rayder

Yeah as a married man let me say that those guys are whipped.

nadey

Limericks wrote: »

As a man here is my perspective on it.

Women have no right to tell there boyfriend/husband what they cannot do. They are not puppeteers. If I where in that kind of relationship I would have ran for the hills a long time ago! I mean I understand if the girlfriend/wife want's some time with the husband, that is fine but going as far as banning them from a certain activity they enjoy will only push them away. I know I would be.

Same goes for men ofcourse. Everyone has free will.

totally argee with you there i'd laugh if my boyfriend told me what i can and cant do and he would do the same its all about respect for one another

they actaully said like when they walk through the front door they can hear their boyfriends jump out the chair and turn off the game

whipped isn't the word for them nothing wrong in relaxing playing a few games after a days work like

Chuck Stone

Spending all evening on the Xbox or play station is just downright ignorant - they're a total conversation killer.

Having to be told to stop most likely means that the partner is just an inconsiderate twat.

aN.Droid

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Spending all evening on the Xbox or play station is just downright ignorant - they're a total conversation killer.

Having to be told to stop most likely means that the partner is just an inconsiderate twat.

How is it different then watching TV all evening or reading a book all evening? Have to do something all evening!

And having to be told isn't the issue here, the boyfriends/husbands are banned from using the consoles any time there partners are around. That is inconsiderate and plain wrong.

A person having the idea in there head that they can do that is bordering on disrespect towards their partner., actually no it is disrespect.

Chuck Stone

Limericks wrote: »

How is it different then watching TV all evening or reading a book all evening? Have to do something all evening!

Watching TV is something that can be done together. There are loads of 'together' things that a couple can do but unless your partner is a gaming fan then gaming certainly isn't.

And having to be told isn't the issue here

No, I'd hazard a guess that is the issue.

nadey wrote: »

and they will be on it for hours on end

aN.Droid

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Watching TV is something that can be done together. There are loads of 'together' things that a couple can do but unless your partner is a gaming fan then gaming certainly isn't.



No, I'd hazard a guess that is the issue.

Fair enough if you think a couple need to be together all the time in the home and have to be doing the same thing.

All I know in my own opinion is that I would not stand for a partner who thinks she can bar me from doing something that I enjoy. I would be out the door faster then you can say get off that damn console.

By the way obviously I believe couples need time together to bond and to talk but being so obsessed that you have to be together all the time is unhealthy in my own opinion. Some call that love, I call that over dependency.

Chuck Stone

Limericks wrote: »

By the way obviously I believe couples need time together to bond and to talk but being so obsessed that you have to be together all the time is unhealthy in my own opinion. Some call that love, I call that over dependency.

Oh I'm in 100% in agreement. I don't think a relationship can be all that healthy if a couple spend too much time around each other.

Wrote this before on the issue.

Chuck Stone wrote: »

In my view a strengthening aspect of a good relationship is the room to be 'single' in it. Now I'm not talking about going out and having sex with strange women.

What I mean is that if you don't have room for your own thoughts, a little time alone, or with friends outside of the relationship then you're asking for trouble.

All I'm saying is that if partner A is coming in saying they have to stop partner B from doing X then I'd say it's less of a case of partner A being a control freak and more that partner B is doing to much of X and being inconsiderate.

nadey

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Watching TV is something that can be done together. There are loads of 'together' things that a couple can do but unless your partner is a gaming fan then gaming certainly isn't.



No, I'd hazard a guess that is the issue.

then never would get the chance to play it hours on end though because their partners are controll freaks

i asked them when did it start with the banning games and they said the minute they moved in together so obviously never got the chance and how would they know if he would play with them for hours

i turned the tables around and i asked them how would they like it if they weren't allowed to go shopping with their partner ever again because lets face what man does like being dragged from one shop to another and they said they have to come to tell them if they look good or not and thought it was completly different altoghter

bunny boilers if you ask me

Polloloca

God, lack of punctuation and incessant ramblings hurt my eyes first thing in the morning.

I personally wouldn't be thrilled if playing the xbox for hours on end was all that my partner wanted to do in his spare time, especially if there was other things to be done that he promised to do but was left undone. It wouldn't be just consoles, I'd feel annoyed if he was online/watching back to back sport all night, but I wouldn't tell him he couldn't do it. That would be silly, given that he'd be an adult and not an eight yr old child that you send outside to play.

Everything in moderation, I think. I don't hog the tv all night watching chic flicks and soap after soap driving him mad, so a little bit of give and take, yeah?

As for being told I wasn't allowed shop, yeah. Like him playing the xbox all night, shopping and buying things irritate men too, but I've yet to hear of someones partner flat out banning them from doing it.

Wibbs

This thread has the definite potential to be a trainwreck and I have my doubts about it in other ways, as it happens, so let's keep it in keeping with the ethos of this forum. EG The next one to use the word whipped will be infracted. Daft generalisations will also be looked at. Thank you.

rainbow kirby

I find the concept of someone "not allowing" their partner to do something a little disturbing, and rather indicative of some control issues and possibly some communication issues within the relationship.

On the Xbox issue - if someone enjoys gaming that's their own business, but if it's detrimental to the relationship then it's something that needs to be discussed by the couple.

Stench Blossoms

I let him do whatever he wants.

I don't own him.

the_syco

Some of the lads I game with have an agreement with their other halves; they game whilst the other half watches their soaps.

beks101

My man isn't 'allowed' or 'not allowed' to do anything, he has his life, I have mine, we meet somewhere in the middle.

He had his life, hobbies, friends, interests, etc since long before I came along, I think if I started assuming authority or exercising control over what he does, it'd throw the balance in our relationship off kilter and be the beginning of the end as far as I'm concerned. Plus he wouldn't let me away with it for five seconds. I'm not his mam and he's not some unruly teenager that needs to be controlled!

I find this very notion odd as hell to be honest and think any relationship that allows this sort of thing to develop is doomed to misery and most likely failure.

fatmammycat

beks101 wrote: »

My man isn't 'allowed' or 'not allowed' to do anything, he has his life, I have mine, we meet somewhere in the middle.

He had his life, hobbies, friends, interests, etc since long before I came along, I think if I started assuming authority or exercising control over what he does, it'd throw the balance in our relationship off kilter and be the beginning of the end as far as I'm concerned. Plus he wouldn't let me away with it for five seconds. I'm not his mam and he's not some unruly teenager that needs to be controlled!

I find this very notion odd as hell to be honest and think any relationship that allows this sort of thing to develop is doomed to misery and most likely failure.

+ 1, My other half is an grown man, I don't need to 'allow' him do anything, nor does he 'allow' me to do what I want, we are individuals as well as a couple.

meganj

I don't get this at all.

My boyfriend is an avid gamer, as are his friends, when we first started dating I had an old gameboy and played a lot of online flash games. All of his friends girlfriends never played games with them, just ignored them while they played marathon games of fifa. I picked up the controller and asked him to teach me.

To this day I'm the only girl in their core group of friends to play console games with them.

Also what is this nonsense of 'forcing' men to go shopping? Do people do this? I much prefer shopping with my bestie (hi barleybooley!!) or on my own, why would i go shopping with someone who's going to have a face on him the whole time and who couldn't tell the difference between a-line and pencil? Just doesn't make sense to me.

Live and let live. If your boyfriend has a hobby be it football/gaming/darts/astronomy I think it's only fair to at least learn to be part of the conversation, just as I would expect my OH to at least try to learn about my interests and hobbies.

Morgase

beks101 wrote: »

I'm not his mam and he's not some unruly teenager that needs to be controlled!

Deciding what your man can and can't do reminds me of these fellas who move from their overbearing Irish Mammy to their overbearing girlfriend where the relationship nearly has the same dynamic. Yuk!

trinz23

I find it hard to believe that there are still women out there who don't allow their partners to do things.

To reiterate some of what has been said already, before meeting me my partner had his own life. He has soccer, the gym, friends, the pub etc etc. He has been away on weekends with the lads and many a stag weekend since we have been together. I see it like this.....I love my nights out and nights away with the girls and he is the same with his friends. What kind of hypocrite would I be to stop him from doing the things that I enjoy doing just as much??

Bought him an Xbox 2years ago and I'm only praying he'll play it.....only gathering dust!!!!!

what a bizarre question to ask

Love2love

I dunno about not allowing them to play at all but I think I would have a problem if they used all their spare time playing.

We have 2 kids together so it might make the senario different. I wouldn't allow my son to spend all his time playing it and I think it would be very irresponsible of his father to do it as Monkey see, Monkey do. That being said, I don't think I've ever had to order him to turn it off.

Madam_X

Nagging, controlling women - gold for some people with an agenda to use as a stick to beat all women with.
Sorry Wibbs but I don't see anything wrong with the w word here. It's completely appropriate.
It's bullying behaviour - "not allowing" them do stuff as if they're young children? They need to take a look at themselves ffs... And I disagree with people who say such guys should "man up" as if it's their responsibility. Maybe they should try to stand up for themselves but nobody should be controlling them in the first place.

Ok, being addicted to something like games - nothing wrong with pointing this out. But some leisurely time every evening playing? Some people seem to just control for the sake of controlling.

Such women/people tend to be extremely needy - and would fall apart without a man... yet ironically they behave in a way that could very well send him packing.

Ickle Magoo

Onixx, if a moderator has instructed you that certain phraseology is not going to be permitted then please do not argue that instruction on-thread.

If anyone hasn't already done so - please take the time to read the forum charter here and Boards general posting rules and etiquette here before posting.

Cheers.

puffishoes

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Watching TV is something that can be done together.

If both people enjoy watching similar programs on the television then yes. if one doesn't like to watch TV then you can do it together but it;s not going to be very enjoyable for one of them, the same way if gaming was been forced on someone with no interest in playing games.

There's also no problem in both partners not doing somethings together, having separate interests and hobbies and time apart is surely healthy for a relationship? But allowing or not allowing your partner carry out his/her hobby is most certainly not healthy and I have no idea why anyone would want to be in that sort of relationship.

tan11ie

If it gets to the stage of telling each other what you can and cannot do then it's time to jog on. Everyone has the right to make their own decisions.

If a guy decided he preferred to spend all his spare time on a playstation ect then I'd be more inclined to question his frame of mind.

Morag

If my guy was to spend all evening, most evening playing the xbox, I would be pissed off,
if it was the only xbox in the house.

strandroad

There is no "allowed/not allowed" in our house.

But then I wouldn't get together with a partner who spends a lot of time with his/her console in the first place. It's like living with someone who is glued to the telly; just not interesting.

analucija

I have no problem with anybody doing whatever they want and as much as they want. As long as the needed work is done (up to a point, I'm no neat freak) and both partners spend some time with children and also each other. But then I could never be with a loser who can't separate himself from a couch when he is at home.

Princess Peach

rainbow kirby wrote: »

I find the concept of someone "not allowing" their partner to do something a little disturbing, and rather indicative of some control issues and possibly some communication issues within the relationship.

On the Xbox issue - if someone enjoys gaming that's their own business, but if it's detrimental to the relationship then it's something that needs to be discussed by the couple.

I think this is the crux of it here! It depends how much they are playing it really. I do know guys who put video games above their girlfriends at times.

Its not a problem in my relationship, even though he is a big gamer. Sometimes we play together, or he plays while I do other stuff but not for long, its never gotten in the way.

I've never had anything that needed "forbidding" but I guess if there was something that really was interfering with my relationship, a hobby or friends, I would discuss it. Not forbid it, but talk about it to see how it can be improved.

That_Guy

If my girlfriend told me I'm not allowed to do anything I'd not be happy. I'm more than happy to compromise of course but to blatantly tell me I can't do anything is just wrong. I'm not someone's property at the end of the day.

Ambersky

I have been listening to two men in recent years who use the expression
“I am not allowed to do that” as a kind of passive aggressive protest at their wives expectation that they take part in household, child and family responsibilities.
One example was when I was trying to arrange to meet one of these men in town by phone, but he was already in town with his wife and their two children. There was a bit of noise in the background, children crying etc. and things seemed a bit frazzled. I asked if perhaps we could meet up just for a few minutes to exchange a parcel and I would go wherever they were and he replied in what I took to be a sarcastic angry voice “I don’t know I don’t make those kinds of decisions around here anymore. I will have to ask my wife if she will let me”

I think decision making in relationships can be a difficult area to negotiate. Often people don’t really talk about it and just kind of fall into roles which can then lead to resentments. If the decision making process hasn’t actually been discussed out in the open it is then difficult to talk about the objections to that unamed process. This is often when the passive aggressive stuff starts to come out and your not sure what it is actually about because it comes as a kind of side swipe.
Involving a third party or a group of other people by saying “She doesn’t let me ………” is another passive agressive way of having a go at a partner in public, trying to get others on side to witness this wrong doing, without actually dealing with the issue.

I’m not saying this is the reason for all men who say they are not allowed to do things by their female partner. Im just saying it is what I perceive to have been going on in situations I have been around.

Malari

I agree Ambersky. I also hear "I'll have to get permission/get a visa/see if I'm allowed" a lot from men and I think it's a horrible way to talk about your partner. Most of the time all they are doing is running something by the wife to make sure it doesn't clash with anything. Of course people in relationships do that, but you don't need to make it sounds like your partner is a dragon. I think it's often used as an excuse as well - you don't want to go out drinking with your mates for some reason? Perhaps some men find it easier to blame it on strict wifey than say "I don't feel like it" and get ribbing about being under the thumb instead of being no fun or something?

hardCopy

the_syco wrote: »

Some of the lads I game with have an agreement with their other halves; they game whilst the other half watches their soaps.

My buddy used to do this, if he wanted extra gaming time he'd download a few episodes of Jersey Shore to keep her busy.

The Sweeper

Husband can pretty much do whatever he pleases. If I want to talk to him about something, however, I reserve the right to start that conversation with 'Hey, can you pause your game please?'

puffishoes

The Sweeper wrote: »

Husband can pretty much do whatever he pleases. If I want to talk to him about something, however, I reserve the right to start that conversation with 'Hey, can you pause your game please?'

One does not simply, pause xbox live.

The Sweeper

Then one does not get to complain that their dinner is in the dog's dish, or that I've gone out for the night with my friends without saying goodbye, or that I've used the shiny-new-car-tyres money to pay the electricity bill, so on.

If you can't stop what you're doing and make time to have a conversation then don't expect a civil conversation on your terms when it suits you.

puffishoes

The Sweeper wrote: »

Then one does not get to complain that their dinner is in the dog's dish, or that I've gone out for the night with my friends without saying goodbye, or that I've used the shiny-new-car-tyres money to pay the electricity bill, so on.

If you can't stop what you're doing and make time to have a conversation then don't expect a civil conversation on your terms when it suits you.

Sorry, it's a bit of a gamers joke.

But on a more serious note why would you want to have a conversation when your partner is carrying out his hobby? for example if he decided to read a book for an hour would you keep interrupting with conversations? what does be so important you feel you have to interrupt his time?

If you decided you wanted to have a soak in the bath to have an hour to yourself would you mind being constantly interrupted or asked to "pause" your bath?

Not sure what it has to do with going out spending the ESB money on alcohol tho? is it not about respecting your partners space?

puffishoes

puffishoes wrote: »

Sorry, it's a bit of a gamers joke.

But on a more serious note why would you want to have a conversation when your partner is carrying out his hobby? for example if he decided to read a book for an hour would you keep interrupting with conversations? what does be so important you feel you have to interrupt his time?

If you decided you wanted to have a soak in the bath to have an hour to yourself would you mind being constantly interrupted or asked to "pause" your bath?

Not sure what it has to do with going out spending the ESB money on alcohol tho? is it not about respecting your partners space?

what the bejaysus are you on about

puffishoes

bluewolf wrote: »

what the bejaysus are you on about

Sorry, I thought it was very obvious.

Which part exactly did you not understand?

Naid23

Never been the type to go on like that, just doesnt work for relationships.
My Bf does as he pleases and so do I - No drama and we very happy.

Bout the whole playing games think, think I would be more pi$$ed off if he didnt play them ha espec after me forking out over €500 for the console and loada games haha but hey thats just me.

puffishoes

The Sweeper wrote: »

Husband can pretty much do whatever he pleases. If I want to talk to him about something, however, I reserve the right to start that conversation with 'Hey, can you pause your game please?'

The Sweeper wrote: »

Then one does not get to complain that their dinner is in the dog's dish, or that I've gone out for the night with my friends without saying goodbye, or that I've used the shiny-new-car-tyres money to pay the electricity bill, so on.

If you can't stop what you're doing and make time to have a conversation then don't expect a civil conversation on your terms when it suits you.

bluewolf wrote: »

what the bejaysus are you on about

So The sweeper is fine with the hubby doing his hobbies as long as she can interrupt that at any given point to "converse"

I'm asking why would you feel the need to interrupt someone doing their hobby?

If there's a specific part I can clarify better let me know

Malari

Naid23 wrote: »

Never been the type to go on like that, just doesnt work for relationships.
My Bf does as he pleases and so do I - No drama and we very happy.

Bout the whole playing games think, think I would be more pi$$ed off if he didnt play them ha espec after me forking out over €500 for the console and loada games haha but hey thats just me.

Hah, I was thinking the same! He never plays it unless I'm out, cost me a fortune! :pac: I actually quite like watching him play some of the games. The WRC ones. I can happily read in the background while he plays.

Diamond_Ninja

I used to play Xbox with the fella, hadn't got a clue what I was doing but I loved giving abuse to guys online with the microphone for saying stuff like 'Oh my god, you're a chick? What the hell are you doing playing xbox?'. We got on great because I would sit and play games with him or he would come in and talk away to me while I was doing whatever I was at, there was no 'you're not allowed to do so and so'.

We broke up because he wanted to go to Australia and I wanted to stay in college which he did, and I did. As far as I know he's back now but we didn't stay in contact.

strandroad

puffishoes wrote: »

So The sweeper is fine with the hubby doing his hobbies as long as she can interrupt that at any given point to "converse"

I'm asking why would you feel the need to interrupt someone doing their hobby?

If there's a specific part I can clarify better let me know

It really depends on how much time is spent on the hobby. If you sit down to the game like others to a movie and get up when done, sure there's no need to interrupt you. But with people like my former housemate, who would come home, take his dinner plate to his gaming PC and stay there until he went to bed.... there is no other way to communicate with them than to interrupt. Why would someone stay with such a person is another question.

Honey-ec

puffishoes wrote: »

So The sweeper is fine with the hubby doing his hobbies as long as she can interrupt that at any given point to "converse"

I'm asking why would you feel the need to interrupt someone doing their hobby?

Because sometimes you need to ask a specific question? None of The Sweeper's examples were of her looking to have a full-blown conversation. To go back to your analogy of a woman being in the bath and her partner interrupting, my ex used to do it to me all the time. It's not a big deal. In fact, I think it would be far ruder of the person engaged in their hobby to hold up a hand and say "Not now, I'm busy".

Naid23

Malari wrote: »

Hah, I was thinking the same! He never plays it unless I'm out, cost me a fortune! :pac: I actually quite like watching him play some of the games. The WRC ones. I can happily read in the background while he plays.

Haha doesnt bother me sitting there while he's playing it, only problem does be me (with my headphones on) and him with his bluetooth headset thingy talking to his friends and I keep thinking he's talking to me.

Solution - bigger headfones, louder music = happy relationship

puffishoes

mhge wrote: »

It really depends on how much time is spent on the hobby. If you sit down to the game like others to a movie and get up when done, sure there's no need to interrupt you. But with people like my former housemate, who would come home, take his dinner plate to his gaming PC and stay there until he went to bed.... there is no other way to communicate with them than to interrupt. Why would someone stay with such a person is another question.

I agree it's about balance. But I imagine your flat mate didn't have a partner. Well a "real" one anyway

Morag

There is a big difference between a single player game you can pause and a multiplayer game which only lasts 10 mins per round which has a ranking and rating system based on team play.

If I am playing a single player game and have to pause it to answer a query or converse on a trivial matter, I won't be that annoyed.

If I am playing a multi player ranked clan match or guild raid and get interrupted esp in the first few mins or the last few mins, annoyed will not cover it, esp if I have explained I am not available for the next hour, unless something goes on fire.

There are different types of playing games, interrupting can be like interrupting during an ad break on the tv or it can be like interrupting at the climax of a movie you've been watching for 2 hours.

Interpreting breaks the emmersiveness of games which is part of the reason I play, it is a way to switch off the world and have fun. Ideally I can do that with my partner, there are some wonderful co op games out there like portals 2. Or we've spent the evening with one playing the pc and the other the xbox or the xbox and the laptop.

What would piss me off how ever, is a partner who won't do the chores about the house with out being nagged and reminded to do so. Adults take care of their responsibilities, and the house is a joint one and so are kids if you have them.

The notion of one person having default responsibility for either or that my leisure time
is not as important would cause war also the idea that one person can wander off and do what they want and I am not able to would also cause war.

As for the asking permission, it depends, often person in a relationship ends up managing the social engagements and checking or having a gooogle calendar makes life easier. Some people resent the responsibilities which comes from being in a relationship and both have to be able to compromise and communicate how to do things.

Again if commitments and responsibilities are being meet and there is good communication how a couple spends their time shouldn't be a issue.

puffishoes

Honey-ec wrote: »

Because sometimes you need to ask a specific question? None of The Sweeper's examples were of her looking to have a full-blown conversation. To go back to your analogy of a woman being in the bath and her partner interrupting, my ex used to do it to me all the time. It's not a big deal. In fact, I think it would be far ruder of the person engaged in their hobby to hold up a hand and say "Not now, I'm busy".

It's fine it didn't bother you. It would bother me and I would never dream of disturbing someone relaxing in the bath for _any_ reason. The same I wouldn't disturb them if reading a book etc etc.

I guess we all have different expectations.

strandroad

puffishoes wrote: »

I agree it's about balance. But I imagine your flat mate didn't have a partner. Well a "real" one anyway

He did have a live-in partner... for a while... and then he didn't. Fair enough!