Any Other Plus Size Women Feel The Same??

fatfacee

Ok so I'm a plus size lady. I have went from a small size to a plus size in clothing in the past few years due to a thyroid problem and some personal issues which led me to comfort eating..

I'm far from happy with my weight and trying my best at present to shift the pounds dieting and going to the gym.

The reason I have started this thread is the past year I have really felt so low with the way people have treated me in public. Complete strangers! Nights out I've had men throw some horrible comments, Snigger and even being stopped and asked where Burger King is in the middle of the street. I have never done any wrong on these people but yet they feel the need to abuse me.

I know slagging off overweight people has been going on a long time but todays society seems to be getting really bad! Is there any other plus size women here experiencing the same problems. Why do these people feel the need to hurt us so bad..

Abi

fatfacee wrote: »

Ok so I'm a plus size lady. I have went from a small size to a plus size in clothing in the past few years due to a thyroid problem and some personal issues which led me to comfort eating..

I'm far from happy with my weight and trying my best at present to shift the pounds dieting and going to the gym.

The reason I have started this thread is the past year I have really felt so low with the way people have treated me in public. Complete strangers! Nights out I've had men throw some horrible comments, Snigger and even being stopped and asked where Burger King is in the middle of the street. I have never done any wrong on these people but yet they feel the need to abuse me.

I know slagging off overweight people has been going on a long time but todays society seems to be getting really bad! Is there any other plus size women here experiencing the same problems. Why do these people feel the need to hurt us so bad..

Believe me hon, you're not the first nor the last to get some smarmy comment from a guy, I wouldn't mind - it's not even just the guys!

I don't know why either feel the need to say anything. I'd imagine most of the time it's arseholery / showing off in front of their friends.

The kind of people that do that are looking from approval from others, so believe me, they've a whole bag of issues of their own

Do yourself a favour hon, either subscribe and change your user name or just sign up again, with a more positive non-self-attacking kind of name. Changes in your life only comes from positivity within yourself hon x

Best of luck on your weight loss journey

Fluorescence

I'd ignore them and just get on with your own weight-loss. I've had a few similar comments in the past, and they're usually from the most insecure blokes in their group :pac:. I shouldn't be worrying what someone of that caliber thinks of me, and neither should you.

Btw, if you'd prefer this to be moved to Personal Issues, just say so. Otherwise I'll leave it here

Madam_X

Because there are bullies out there who abuse people whom they know won't stand up to them and who have something obvious that they can target and which they know will cause the person discomfort (usually the bullies are in packs and pick on an individual y'see - big, hard warriors like) in order to feel better about themselves. That's all it is, unfortunately.

jam_mac_jam

That's horrible. I had no idea that it happened that much. I wonder do they do the same to guys.

Kooli

Onixx wrote: »

Because there are bullies out there who abuse people whom they know won't stand up to them and who have something obvious that they can target and which they know will cause the person discomfort (usually the bullies are in packs and pick on an individual y'see - big, hard warriors like) in order to feel better about themselves. That's all it is, unfortunately.

I disagree that 'that's all it is', and I think these responses aren't fully recognising the OP's experience. Yes there are bullies that will target anyone who seems vulnerable, but this isn't about individual bullies that happen across the OP by chance and give her the same abuse they would give to any individual.

The fact is that there is a LOT of fat hatred out there, and in fact a lot of people don't even see anything wrong with it. So the OP will get abuse from strangers more often than someone who is not overweight, and I think that needs to be acknowledged. Those who aren't overweight (and never have been) simply can't understand that.

Just look at ANY thread that starts in AH about fat people (and even the fact that these threads come up so frequently) to see how normal people feel it's not taboo to say incredibly hurtful and cruel things about people who are overweight. It's just seen as fair game. Other people wouldn't say such obviously cruel things, but would thinly disguise their disgust under a veil of 'concern' over people's 'health'.

OP, I'm so sorry that this happens to you, and I despair at our society sometimes that you are seen as fair game.
Have you ever read about the fat acceptance movement? Not for everyone, but have a look at these:

http://lovelivegrow.com/2012/05/these-are-the-fat-faqs/
http://www.shakesville.com/search/label/Fatsronauts%20101

Interesting reading for anyone, fat or thin, and these kind of blogs have definitely changed the way I think about weight.

Motorist

I think the term plus-size woman is an inappropriate euphemism that inadvertently brings more attention to the issue it is trying to avoid. Obese is fine, fat is offensive to some.

daenerysstormborn3

There are idiots out there who do this to all people no matter what size they are. Group of guys on a night called me a big fat ****, later on in the night they called my very slim friend a bag of bones. Never happy!

Kooli

Motorist wrote: »

I think the term plus-size woman is an inappropriate euphemism that inadvertently brings more attention to the issue it is trying to avoid. Obese is fine, fat is offensive to some.

It's not a euphemism?? It's just describing size in terms of clothing size

Why can't the OP use the term she is most comfortable with? We all know what she means.

Kooli

pixiebean22 wrote: »

There are idiots out there who do this to all people no matter what size they are. Group of guys on a night called me a big fat ****, later on in the night they called my very slim friend a bag of bones. Never happy!

I think it's disingenuous to pretend that people of all sizes have experienced what the OP experiences on any sort of regular basis. It's kind of minimising what is a very real issue as if it's a non-issue.

Motorist

OP I agree with you that it's cruel to judge people and insult them based on their appearance.

Im not sure how this kind of behavior can be excused or rationalised. But I would guess that these people view fat as not very aesthetically pleasing. They view the reasons for someone being fat as eating too much and being lazy about exercising.

They are probably ignorant that some people have health issues such as injuries that means they cant exercise alot, or are suffering side-effects from medication, or have hormonal problems, or even very real pyschological problems. Aside from that it's hard to sometimes differentiate between a fat person who has genuine reasons for being that way and one who is just making excuses up.

In any case, I'm glad that you are attempting to control your weight. I wish you luck on your journey, but would implore you to seek professional advice is you are not making very real progress within a defined time period.

Ah tell them at least i can lose weight but you'll be an idiot forever

CathyMoran

I have had nasty comments from someone because I am a size 8 and she is a size 4, she would look at what I was eating and make comments - I know that it is incredibly hurtful but I was told to ignore it, easiier said than done.

There will always be bullies and they are just nasty ignorant people.

daenerysstormborn3

pixiebean22 wrote: »

There are idiots out there who do this to all people no matter what size they are. Group of guys on a night called me a big fat ****, later on in the night they called my very slim friend a bag of bones. Never happy!

Kooli wrote: »

I think it's disingenuous to pretend that people of all sizes have experienced what the OP experiences on any sort of regular basis. It's kind of minimising what is a very real issue as if it's a non-issue.

Where did I pretend that people of all sizes experience what the OP experiences on any sort of regular basis? I was merely stating that the exact same group of guys on a night out called me fat and then called my slim friend a bag of bones - illustrating the fact that these type of people don't care what you look like, they just enjoy being nasty to get a reaction.

girl in the striped socks

CathyMoran wrote: »

I have had nasty comments from someone because I am a size 8 and she is a size 4, she would look at what I was eating and make comments - I know that it is incredibly hurtful but I was told to ignore it, easiier said than done.

There will always be bullies and they are just nasty ignorant people.

Are you serious?
Size 4 sounds like she has a problem with food tbh.

Op ignorance is everywhere. Whether your plus size or a size zero I'm sure your still a gorgeous looking woman who doesn't need to entertain low life's that spout crap.

cgarrad

The acceptance and forgiveness afforded by some on the subject of obesity is the true crime here.

It is not acceptable to burden society with your inability to curtail you intake.

Harsh words but true words.

cynder

cgarrad wrote: »

The acceptance and forgiveness afforded by some on the subject of obesity is the true crime here.

It is not acceptable to burden society with your inability to curtail you intake.

Harsh words but true words.

Some people have an under active thyroid, it's nothing to do with how much they eat, it is acceptable for someone with an under active thyroid to have trouble with weight.

Ickle Magoo

cgarrad wrote: »

The acceptance and forgiveness afforded by some on the subject of obesity is the true crime here.

Whatever you think is the true crime, it's not the thread title, nor the direction the OP wanted THEIR thread to go in.

Please read the charter and respect the purpose and ethos of this forum.


Do NOT drag the thread off-topic by responding this post on-thread

Princess Peach

pixiebean22 wrote: »

Where did I pretend that people of all sizes experience what the OP experiences on any sort of regular basis? I was merely stating that the exact same group of guys on a night out called me fat and then called my slim friend a bag of bones - illustrating the fact that these type of people don't care what you look like, they just enjoy being nasty to get a reaction.

I think the point is here that mean people exist and will find something horrible to say about you no matter what, be it your weight, clothes, hair, whatever! They are prejudice against one type of person, just mean in general. I think the same people who make fun of an over weight person are probably just as likely to make fun of anyone else who is not like them.

OP you can't change horrible people, but you can change your reaction and attitude to them. Work on being happy with your progress and appearance, and hopefully other people's opinions will not affect you so much. The only thing that really matters and the only thing you should allow affect your life is your opinion of yourself, which should always be a good one!

candy-gal1

What I always wonder, and pardon my ignorance but from size is plus size?! Ive heard it was anything from a size 12, or from a size 16.
Just curiousity on my part tbh, if your happy as you are, truly happy like, then imho fcuk the begrudgers and be/do what makes you happy

christmas2012

I think a plus size is 14 + up , it is in evans plus size clothing stores anyway..

The Big Red Button

candy-gal1 wrote: »

What I always wonder, and pardon my ignorance but from size is plus size?! Ive heard it was anything from a size 12, or from a size 16.
Just curiousity on my part tbh, if your happy as you are, truly happy like, then imho fcuk the begrudgers and be/do what makes you happy

I doubt there is a defined size.

You are overweight or obese once you are past a certain BMI, there is a defined measurement ... But "plus-size" is more of a marketing term, for selling clothes etc.

I'd generally see plus-size clothes ranges starting at around size 14-16. But then you have to take vanity sizing into account - what is size 18 in one shop might only be size 12 in another.

So, even if a person found themselves buying clothing in larger sizes, it doesn't necessarily mean that they have a plus-size figure - they might have a perfectly healthy body size.

OP, I can imagine that it's very hurtful to be subjected to such horrible cruel behaviour. Do try to remember, though, that the problem is with them. And they must be very miserable messed up people, that they would get enjoyment out of making someone else feel bad about themselves.

Best of luck with the weight loss. The Health and Fitness and Nutrition and Diet forums here are really great places to look for advice, meal suggestions etc.

sharper

cgarrad wrote: »

Harsh words but true words.

Heh. I have often seen this reasoning. "Oh we're just being honest" or "They need a wakeup call".

It's purely excuse for people that enjoy bullying and abusing others.

People going about their daily lives are not seeking the "advice" of others in the form of jokes at their expense. Should someone solicit your opinion then by all means gives it but failing you can safely presume they're not interested in it and that "in public shouted across the street in an effort to make your friends laugh and show how clever you are" is considered the least optimal form of expression of it.

I'm male and some years ago I was overweight. You don't quite know the human race until you're someone others don't see themselves as wanting or needing anything from.

It doesn't really matter whether you're male or female, fat or thin. Once you have something that makes you stand out even a little bit people will go for it and try to use it to amuse themselves.

To the OP: I think the real problem here is not so much other people (though that is awful) but how you feel about yourself. You mention you're trying to lose weight and that's great though you should do it for own health and your own satisfaction, not for other people. Losing weight will help but it's only part of the problem, you also have to accept yourself and how you look.

You're the one who controls how you feel and how you react. Don't give that control to other people, or at least not to random strangers. They don't deserve it.

cynder

Do what makes you happy, people in the street or on the bus they don't matter. It's you what matters.

Your only human, your not perfect, no one is. Losing weight with an under active thyroid is a rollercoaster of a ride, it will have it's ups and downs, you will have good days and bad days.

Finding motivation is hard for anyone trying to lose weight, try not to use the thyroid as an excuse, it is a good one but don't let it rule your life.

Both my mother and my sister in law have under active thyroids my mom at her biggest was size 18 at her smallest she was a 12 but she was stressed and not eating.
My sister inlaw is a size 16/18. She walks 5 k every evening and only manages to maintain her weight. They constantly change their doses.


Good luck


I think you should think of a better suited user name, don't think of yourself as fatface you must have good qualities don't focus on what you consider bad focus on what Is good. You wouldn't like it if a passer by called you fat face so please don't call yourself fat face..... Boosting your self confidence is essential, putting yourself down does not help.

Madam_X

cgarrad wrote: »

The acceptance and forgiveness afforded by some on the subject of obesity is the true crime here.

It is not acceptable to burden society with your inability to curtail you intake.

Harsh words but true words.

It's not the "true crime" in this context. Nobody's saying obesity is ok, just that those who are obese shouldn't be bullied, which is not the same thing.

Archeron

Before she died because of it, my mum suffered from an illness that caused her to put on huge amounts of weight. On one of her life or death trips to a&e, I was asked to step out of the cubicle (to preserve her modesty) while she was moved from ambulance gurney to trolley. Two of the medical staff who were present walked past me a few minutes later laughing and joking about her weight and I could have fooking killed them there and then.
It took a lot of restraint to not erupt that day, there are assholes everywhere. I doubt it will ever change, more power to you OP.
Bad memories :-(

saa

I feel that this oh sure even if you were thin they'd be saying stuff to you or picking something else thing is a bit of a cop out as I have never met any overweight/fat/obese/plus sized call it what you will - person who really feels that someone picking something out to tease them about is on the same level as the you're fat issue because it is so loaded on both sides.

OP has a lot of emotions behind their weight problem and understandable is struggling to understand why it must be made so much harder by strangers. I don't understand it fully myself but those strangers are completely, its an automatic slagging and if you don't say anything back they feel like they've won and well we all need to feel like we've achieved something [how pathetic] they are just using it as a weapon on a very simplistic level and its a tool of negativity that you just need to separate and distance yourself from while you're sorting things out and accepting yourself whilst on your journey not just at the end.

The lads will usually make it known to you that you have a weight issue by shouting at you in front of everyone and a lot of women will let you also know with comments i.e asking you do you know that cake is very fattening in front of others and things like that, people hate on fat people, it is so wrong and warped but it is such a common issue in society that you need to build up your armor and be strong about who you are and improve your body for yourself.

You will feel better when you are stronger also you will not look as vunerable or stand out as much, four years ago I was a size 12 and a girl said to me walking down the street oh your outfit is so nice.. I said oh thanks she said pitty youre too fat to carry it off and I thought well thats it I'm fat so, then as I was a size 14-16-18 I just appeared more and more like a fat person and was upset by further comments and terrified of someone noticing (lol) in public of course they did! So a year later I've lost a good amount of weight and back to 14-16 I now don't care about comments, I have laughed in peoples faces and answered back but some times people dont give you the chance but I do not take it to heart or get upset by it because I know I'm fat so its no shock to me, its actually offending them more than it is me at this stage..

I was in the pub on night with a few people, a woman who is big came over to talk to us as she came near the women beside me said under her breath ..move over wide load comeing..I called here on it and said don't be so rude she was completely shocked, if you are in company and someone makes a comment call them and it might make them think.

boogle

I experienced this kind of abuse for years OP, and would regularly end up crying because of some heartless comment. These people are ignorant, insecure and rude.

I lost a load of weight and I'm now size 12 - 14. My life is immeasurably better. My health, fitness, how I look in clothes, everything. Some people will tell you that you're fine as you are and you don't need to change. Lots of people used to tell me that, trying to be comforting. I knew it wasn't true though. My answer to that is that your weight is something that you can change. You'll never change those abusers who make you feel horrible, but you're in control of your body. Make the changes for yourself and those other assholes just fade away into the background.

Check out the health and fitness forum. Great advice and support.

Wibbs

Archeron wrote: »

Before she died because of it, my mum suffered from an illness that caused her to put on huge amounts of weight. On one of her life or death trips to a&e, I was asked to step out of the cubicle (to preserve her modesty) while she was moved from ambulance gurney to trolley. Two of the medical staff who were present walked past me a few minutes later laughing and joking about her weight and I could have fooking killed them there and then.
It took a lot of restraint to not erupt that day, there are assholes everywhere. I doubt it will ever change, more power to you OP.
Bad memories :-(

Christ. Like you say there are arseholes everywhere. Unreal. :mad:

Giselle

boogle wrote: »

My answer to that is that your weight is something that you can change. You'll never change those abusers who make you feel horrible, but you're in control of your body. Make the changes for yourself and those other assholes just fade away into the background.

Check out the health and fitness forum. Great advice and support.

I'm sorry to nitpick here because I know you were trying to be supportive.:)

The OP has very little control over her weight with an underactive thyroid.

It may be something that she has a huge amount of difficulty changing, and she might need a good deal of medical advice to help her achieve that. I don't want the OP to feel she's failing if she feels her body isn't under her control in the normal sense.

You are absolutely right though, nobody can turn an abusive cretin into a prince charming. You can only train yourself to tune them out and not give them headspace.:)

ennis81

People will always have something to say, I was big when I was young I remember when I was doing church collection for my mam one day a horrible neighbour telling me I had put on a lot of weight over the summer I think I was about 12 the evil old hag, that comment stuck with me for a long long time. After having my little "non sleeping girl" at 20 I was so stressed out that I lost huge amount of weight went down to 6-8 and had people talking about me saying I looked like a junkie and was "too" scrawny. I am healthy weight now but I never weigh myself anymore I have a auld pair of jeans that I love and if they are a bit tight now & then I know I need to cut back on the biscuits lol,
People are cruel because of their own insecurities and that is the bottom line, and even though you might be a bit overweight they will always be ugly on the inside;)

noddyone2

fatfacee wrote: »

Ok so I'm a plus size lady. I have went from a small size to a plus size in clothing in the past few years due to a thyroid problem and some personal issues which led me to comfort eating..

I'm far from happy with my weight and trying my best at present to shift the pounds dieting and going to the gym.

The reason I have started this thread is the past year I have really felt so low with the way people have treated me in public. Complete strangers! Nights out I've had men throw some horrible comments, Snigger and even being stopped and asked where Burger King is in the middle of the street. I have never done any wrong on these people but yet they feel the need to abuse me.

I know slagging off overweight people has been going on a long time but todays society seems to be getting really bad! Is there any other plus size women here experiencing the same problems. Why do these people feel the need to hurt us so bad..

My wife (size 16, hardly fat) has had comments (nasty ones) passed at her - and not always by men, unfortunately I wasn't with her. These are bullies, they wouldn't say it if a man was present, they know they'll get a slap. Low lifes.

Honey-ec

noddyone2 wrote: »

My wife (size 16, hardly fat) has had comments (nasty ones) passed at her - and not always by men, unfortunately I wasn't with her. These are bullies, they wouldn't say it if a man was present, they know they'll get a slap. Low lifes.

But this is the thing. Unless your wife is particularly tall, size 16 probably is fat. I'm not having a go at her (or you) personally. But being overweight has become so normalised in Western society that people actually no longer recognise what is or isn't fat. You don't have to be a size 30 to be fat. Just because size 16 is the average UK dress size, that doesn't make it slim, or ok. It just means people as a whole are getting bigger all the time.

I'm sorry if this hits nerves with some people, but it's as dangerous to back-slap people for being overweight as it is to glorify the size zero brigade. Beth Ditto is as bad a role model as Kate Moss.

Polloloca

You're right Honey Ec but it's nothing to do with a complete stranger. So what if someone is a size 16. It doesn't give anybody the right to ridicule her or make her feel upset about her looks. Chances are if somebody is heavy they know they are.

Would somebody walk up to another person in a bar and say "sorry that looks like your 6th glass of wine. Did you ever think of giving it up?" or see someone in the smoking area and bend their ear for smoking like a chimney.

Your appearance is personal and f uck anybody passing judgement on it.

Princess Peach

Honey-ec wrote: »

But this is the thing. Unless your wife is particularly tall, size 16 probably is fat. I'm not having a go at her (or you) personally. But being overweight has become so normalised in Western society that people actually no longer recognise what is or isn't fat. You don't have to be a size 30 to be fat. Just because size 16 is the average UK dress size, that doesn't make it slim, or ok. It just means people as a whole are getting bigger all the time.

I'm sorry if this hits nerves with some people, but it's as dangerous to back-slap people for being overweight as it is to glorify the size zero brigade. Beth Ditto is as bad a role model as Kate Moss.

Not supporting bullies does not equal back slapping overweight people.

Nobody should have the right to say anything mean to strangers. You never know the reason someone is overweight. The OP has health issues, I'm overweight battling eating disorders.

One of the therapies I had a few months ago focused on me being happy at the size I am. Even though I could lost weight, it may be difficult for me to find a way to do it healthily, so it was a good therapy for me to try and accept myself. I can't make assumptions about the OP's health, I don't know her circumstances or much about the health issues, but someone before mentioned it may be difficult for her to lose weight. She needs to find a way to be happy and feel beautiful no matter what happens, because it is often the case weight loss isn't going to change the feelings anyway even if it is substantial.

Ambersky

This seems to be the only issue at the moment, where people who are not affected by the issue at present, feel free to express self righteous negatively judgmental opinions of others bodies Its always for our own good of course, now where have I heard that before hmmmmm.
I am interested to hear people I have known to say such things as are in the quote below in their 20s and 30s age and now find themselves struggling with the weight on their own bodies.

"diet I'll tell you what to do for free and you don't have to read any books or magazines to learn how to do it, just stop putting food into your mouth. Its their own fault if they are fat they need to be told to just stop eating. Its simple"

When the people I am talking about were younger and had no issue with weight they seemed to have felt that others who were heavier than they, must be doing something wrong, while they themselves had it right. Others it seemed were therefore showing a weakness a greediness a stupidity that they with no weight issue themselves could feel superior about and they therefore felt free to preach to others on the matter.
Now as they age and weight distributes differently around their bodies they struggle to feel good about themselves, sporadically trying to loose weight, finding success and then as soon as they relax again putting the weight back on.
It is sad to see the admission of someone who has had such opinions showing you their body and wanting you to say sure your fine you are still acceptable and good looking just as you are. I feel no joy in their distress even though I know where they have come from, in fact it makes it worse because I know they will find it difficult not to judge their own bodies no matter what anyone says.

I dont really know why I and so many others of my age group and older have put on weight as we age. I dont believe there is one answer to the issue I believe it is as a result of numerous factors all coming together at the same time, some of them personal, behavioral, medical and some of them social and political.
I remember we use to say Fat Is A Feminist Issue and I suspect there is a social political component to weight as well as a biological, medical and emotional component. I dont think it is an either or argument and I dont like reducing complex issues, especially ones that cause people pain to simple answers and solutions.
Being a political animal I reckon that as in other areas of life, the powers that be would rather we take our problems to be purely individual and personal. The tendency today as I see it is for people to see things only in personal terms. A thing is either your fault or it is your success and there can be an unwillingness to see the social construct or political side of things.

I read someone recently who said nationally and internationally across the western world peoples average weight has increased but we need to look at a number of factors. We are bombarded with advertising of convenient but usually fatty foods, proportion sizes of everything has gone up we are often tired and overstretched in our modern lives. Someone is making money out of this.
The hours we are expected to work and to travel to and from work have gone up and people have less time to shop, prepare and eat food. Someone is making money out of this behavior too.
There is rarely someone full time in the home providing meals and people are turning to convenience foods exhausted after their working day, traveling for long periods, shopping, preparing food and cleaning up and taking care of children and having a meaningful relationship with them and perhaps a partner. At around seven eight or nine o'clock when they get a chance they are then expected to exercise. A lot of people are making money from these behaviours, from the convenience food industry to your local gym, all playing on peoples guilt and exhaustion.
We dont look at changing all this because this is how we run an economically successful capitalist country.
The weight gain of a whole nation is not just about individual people getting greedy and fat, it is also at least partly a symptom of the way people are now expected to live.

Anyway I still say "Take Your Laws (and judgements) Off My Body. "
Thats from the Pro Choice campaign but it fits in here too especially since hearing talk of trying to punish people for their weight and trying to turn people against individuals who are heavier because it "costs us all". Talk about scapegoating.
Blaming it all on the individual is easy, cruel, self righteous and unfortunately some people seem to feel freer to do it since such opinions have been expressed publicly in the media.

Honey-ec

I wasn't for a second suggesting that it's acceptable for strangers to pass comments on anyone's weight, fat or thin. But I did want to point out that being overweight is becoming more and more normalised in our society and that this is downright dangerous. Possibly it was off-topic, but that comment about a size 16 being "not exactly fat" struck a chord with me.

And Ambersky, I have to disagree with your comments about people getting fatter because they're time-poor and basically expected to live an unhealthy lifestyle. I worked full time with a three-hour commute every day for 6 years and I still managed to get a decent dinner on the table every night. People do have a choice.

The fact of the matter is that very few people are effortlessly slim. If it was easy, everyone would do it. I'm slim because I work damn hard to be and I'm extremely careful about what I eat. I absolutely love my food, but I don't eat crisps or chocolate or cakes or anything like that because if I did, I'd get fat. There's a trade-off to be made and except in genuine medical cases (which are extremely rare) people's weight is down to very little other than what they choose to put in their mouths.

And I've been there. I've been overweight - 11 stone 8 lbs at my heaviest and I'm only 5' 7" - and it made me fcuking miserable. So I did something about it. It wasn't easy and it wasn't fun and there were times where I felt like saying "Oh screw it, what difference does it make?" But I stuck it out, because, at the end of the day, nobody wants to be fat.

Mod

This is not a thread about what is or isn't overweight. Keep on topic.


Honey-ec, please refrain from suggesting other people are fat based on one piece of information. It's bordering insulting and won't be tolerated.

whoopsadaisydoodles

Off topic posts deleted.

I don't want to hand out infractions so please, for the last time, back on topic.

Ambersky

OP my answer to your question is No have never been treated in the way you describe but I am aware some women have and I feel very protective I suppose of the vulnerability of some heavier women at times.
I want to shout F**k Off to anyone giving any hassle to anyone for any way a person looks, or is, in themselves.
On the positive side maybe it could be useful to learn something about places to get nice clothes, interesting web sites, etc.
What kind of clothes do you like?
Maybe some of the women on here could be supportive in sharing tips on great places to shop.

jellie

Polloloca wrote: »

Chances are if somebody is heavy they know they are.

This is the thing. There is not a single overweight person in the world that doesnt know. They are probably aware of every single pound.

Im overweight, my weight have been up and down for years, and I suppose in a way Ive been lucky because apart from the odd sly remark from a drunk man I havent had many comments directed at me. But yes it has happened, and its the most horrible feeling in the world. I know exactly what I weigh, I do not need ANYONE to point it out to me. I already feel bad about it, what right does ANYONE have to make me feel worse.

SusieBlue

OP, I'm so sorry people are treating you like that. I've had the same kind of thing said to me.

When I was a size 6, I was told that I looked like a 12 year old boy and that I should really get myself a burger and to cop myself on from a total stranger.

These days I'm a much bigger size than that, and I've been told I look like Godzilla and I've had people make explosion noises when walking behind me. I was once eating an ice cream in McDonalds and was I heard someone snigger that judging by my size, I was probably single handedly keeping the place in business.

I know its probably no consolation to you but my point is that you are never going to please everyone and sadly, someone will always have a judgemental comment to pass. Sad but true. Try not to let them get you down, they're just self conscious little bullies with their own complexes.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, I really hope it doesn't happen again. I know how upsetting it can be.

PrincessLola

Honey-ec wrote: »

I wasn't for a second suggesting that it's acceptable for strangers to pass comments on anyone's weight, fat or thin. But I did want to point out that being overweight is becoming more and more normalised in our society and that this is downright dangerous. Possibly it was off-topic, but that comment about a size 16 being "not exactly fat" struck a chord with me.

And Ambersky, I have to disagree with your comments about people getting fatter because they're time-poor and basically expected to live an unhealthy lifestyle. I worked full time with a three-hour commute every day for 6 years and I still managed to get a decent dinner on the table every night. People do have a choice.

The fact of the matter is that very few people are effortlessly slim. If it was easy, everyone would do it. I'm slim because I work damn hard to be and I'm extremely careful about what I eat. I absolutely love my food, but I don't eat crisps or chocolate or cakes or anything like that because if I did, I'd get fat. There's a trade-off to be made and except in genuine medical cases (which are extremely rare) people's weight is down to very little other than what they choose to put in their mouths.

And I've been there. I've been overweight - 11 stone 8 lbs at my heaviest and I'm only 5' 7" - and it made me fcuking miserable. So I did something about it. It wasn't easy and it wasn't fun and there were times where I felt like saying "Oh screw it, what difference does it make?" But I stuck it out, because, at the end of the day, nobody wants to be fat.

Unfortunately for you I'm in the mood to call out shenanigans today. :cool:

I may not be fat myself but I know lame faux-health concern when I see it. You need to stop explaining away the de-humanising verbal asaults and harrassment the OP has been the victim of. Yeah, just stop it. Just Stop.

This is an acurate prediction of your arguments:

but her health-

No. that doesn't justify it.

But normalisation!!11-

Nope.

But laziness!!

NO.

But it's dangerous-

Does that justify the fact that there actually exists GROWN MEN who feel entitled to verbally de-humanise and abuse a woman in public?
I'd rather have overweight people than scum like that.

You are in fact justifying verbal abuse of overweight people by saying 'oh but being fat is too normalised'.
Yes this is what you are doing, you are justifying it, why the hell else would you even bring this up?

Oh, because its 'unhealthy'?? How thoughtful of you to be so concerned for their health.

See, I don't buy your "concern" about these complete strangers' health for one second. Nope, I call bullsh*t. I never have bought this argument. It seems you just want to tell fat women (and its always women that get the harshest judgements, isn't it?) how lazy and disgusting they are.

To the OP: Honey just keep doing what your doing! Please just love yourself, and remember that when you do lose the weight you are still the same person, F*ck those haters, they are the lowest of the low.

The Big Red Button

I really don't get the impression that Honey-Ec meant the points she was making as a justification for the OP - or any overweight person - to get abuse shouted at them.

She did mention that it was off-topic.

The way I interpreted it is that she was just making a general observation about society's views of what is and isn't healthy. She had quoted another poster in her post - it wasn't aimed at the OP.

Fluorescence

Back on topic now, please. Thanks

Acacia

OP, I can relate to your experiences and it's pretty horrible. I was a size 6/8 when I was younger , and am now a size 14/16 (the horror!). Am I happy with how I look? No, but that doesn't give anybody else the right to comment on my body. It's funny thing I've noticed with people since I put on weight- suddenly your body is up for debate and criticism as if there isn't a person with feelings attached to it. Yes, I know I'm fat, but why do perfect strangers on nights out feel the need to say it to me? I do have a mirror. I'm sure they're just concerned about my health:rolleyes:

I didn't even realise the abuse overweight women get until I became one- if you're not completely ignored on nights out, then you get the usual ''fat b1tch'' , ''whale'' , ''cow'' etc. Lads have come up and laughed in my face, as if a ''fat burd'' like me had no right to be on the dancefloor with all the hot girls. It happens so much it's a wonder I didn't notice it happening to other people before.

It really makes you feel pretty worthless.

I am absolutely shocked at how horrible some people can be when it comes to weight. I've never witnessed anyone being called "fatty" or anything like that. Some people are just assholes.

I've made some comments that can be taken the wrong way. I often make suggestions in regards to diet and exercise to people I know, that have told me personally they want to lose weight...but then when I try to help them they think I'm "calling them fat". But I guess that's a whole different matter.

LegacyUser

I'm going unregged for this- doesn't that alone tell you something? nobody who knows me in real life knows my boards username, but still I won't post this under that name cos I feel others online will forevermore judge me based on my weight...

I'm obese, not just fat, but obese. I could stand to lose half my body weight. literally.

I've been fat since I was a kid, 8 or 9, but it's since my 20s that I got very fat and then obese.

I hate it, I feel ashamed, I have no confidence with men, or even socially in general... I expect to be judged and I even preempt it. I'm so pathetically grateful for any male interest that I e slept with men I shouldn't have, just cos they (ie somebody, anybody)would sleep with me. I can't wear nice clothes. I struggle to tie the seat belts on planes. I avoid being in photos. I avoid social gatherings if I can.

luckily, I have avoided major health concerns, altho I know I'm on borrowed time.

Ive lost a large amount of weight before-6 stone- but gradually regained it. I've just started again, a healthy eating plan and exercise. I've done it before and can do it again.

but on the topic of the op- I've been subject to taunts and ridicule. I remember walking down town one day and a guy came up to me, from behind, grabbed me by the hips and shouted to his friends "look at the size of that" - not even "her", but "that". another time, as I was walking along wearing my county jersey, a lad shouted "here's county's BIGGEST fan", much to the hilarity of his mates. I now look at any man that approaches me on a night out with initial suspicion because all too often they are on a dare or bet with their mates to make the fat b1tch think it's her lucky night, so they chat me up and then later run away cackling after telling me how repulsive they find me.


so, you might ask why I haven't sorted it out for
myself by now, given how crap it all is? well, the answer is, it's damn hard. and yes I know, no pain no gain. but when you're my size things can seem insurmountable. some people advise using the hurtful comments as motivation, but I find they work the opposite way, they become a further stick with which to beat yourself up, and a further temptation to comfort eat.

Stench Blossoms

People always find faults in other people.

You can't change other people but you can always change yourself.

Wibbs

Stench Blossoms wrote: »

You can't change other people but you can always change yourself.

and step one is to ignore other people who act like bullies and twats.