Interesting article on Sexual Assault

Roisy7

Hi mods, hope you don't mind me resurrecting this thread...

There's an interesting article here on Slate on sexual assault:

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2012/06/why_don_t_sexual_assault_victims_speak_out_i_was_molested_three_times_here_s_why_i_never_told_my_family_or_the_police_.single.html

I wholly disagree with her statement that surviving these things is empowering, but I think it's interesting the reasons she gives for not reporting it.

Fluorescence

The other thread is a support thread. Better to start a new thread to open a discussion

i think her reasons for not reporting any of these incidents is exactly the same as child abuse sufferers in this country or any other country for that matter.
they dont want to cause a fuss, they dont want to tear a family apart. its completely understandable. children/teenagers do not want to cause hassle like this.

its hard to know how to change this attitude in kids because inevitably it will tear a family apart if its a family member. it will tear a neighbourhood apart if its a neighbour. and it will tear friends apart if a friends family member is the abuser.

i think the only thing you can do is explain how things will be ok in the future, but the future for young people is a long long time..

28064212

If you take the sexual aspect of the crime out of it, the whole thing becomes incredibly absurd:

• "Well yes, that man did smash all my house windows in with a crow-bar, but I didn't want to break up a family by sending him to jail"
• "Yes he stole my car, but I didn't want to make accusations against a congressman, especially one I admired"

I'm not criticising her in any way, just stating how sad it is that society sees a difference between the above crimes and the ones in the article

Roisy7

bubblypop wrote: »

they dont want to cause a fuss, they dont want to tear a family apart. its completely understandable. children/teenagers do not want to cause hassle like this.

i think the only thing you can do is explain how things will be ok in the future, but the future for young people is a long long time..

I agree, I think as well there is an element of shock; how could my friend's dad be capable of that? Did it even really happen? And children's innocence, they might not be sure what happened or have the words to explain it.

28064212 wrote: »

If you take the sexual aspect of the crime out of it, the whole thing becomes incredibly absurd:

• "Well yes, that man did smash all my house windows in with a crow-bar, but I didn't want to break up a family by sending him to jail"
• "Yes he stole my car, but I didn't want to make accusations against a congressman, especially one I admired"

I'm not criticising her in any way, just stating how sad it is that society sees a difference between the above crimes and the ones in the article

Yeah, it's really tragic to see how these serious crimes are belittled almost when you think of our language in relation to other crimes; no-one would ever say "oh you put lovely alloys on that car, a thief couldn't help himself."

Ambersky

I found the article a very interesting and honest exploration by the author of her own reactions and current understanding of those reactions.
She does say about her own situation that

Because in each case I was able to push back immediately and end the abuse, these became isolated incidents

She seems to also understand that her circumstances are not the same as that of others who were not able to push back as immediately or as successfully, who had different vulnerabilities, different abusers and different supports at home.
But she is raising the interesting issues of the personal cost to the survivor of going forward with an accusation weighed against the gains achieved by such an action.
For those of us who encourage reporting in order to stop an abuser from ever doing it again or as a means of achieving justice or punishment for wrongs done it is upsetting when you learn just how difficult the process is and how often despite the survivor going through another kind of personal hell in court or just during the whole long length of a trial the abuser gets off free or with what seems like a slap on the hand.
It is a very difficult position to be in to support a survivor that you have encouraged to report have their family fall apart and be cross examined in court and have all kinds of personal details revealed as though they are the ones who did something wrong.
Not too many people realize what the survivor has to go through and I think the author is trying to let us know and think more about that.

PrincessLola

Comment section on the article

Put me down for some of that assailing.

If the gal doesn't have the moxie to 'out the perps' she should just keep her zipper shut. There is no statute of limitations, nor should there be on frenzied gropings by those who should have known better. There are, statistically, a lot of perps out there, perping as we write.

People like this who have likely never experienced sexual assault before, but feel entitled to victim blame, literally need to go die.

Also, if it was a 14 year old boy being propositioned and groped by his friend's father, would anyone be telling him he was 'asking for it'?

Fluorescence

PrincessLola wrote: »

Comment section on the article



People like this who have likely never experienced sexual assault before, but feel entitled to victim blame, literally need to go die.

Also, if it was a 14 year old boy being propositioned and groped by his friend's father, would anyone be telling him he was 'asking for it'?

I would have said that's the exact opposite of victim blaming? The commenter is essentially saying she should have reported the people who groped her, and seems to be urging everyone to report sexual assault where encountered.