Irish Vs Foreign wedding pros & cons. Discuss!

joeymaccy

Ok so, I'm drafting a pros/cons lists for an irish & foreign wedding.
Any thoughts?

Ireland
Pros-
Convenient for organising
Convenient & cheaper for guests

Cons-
Sh!t unreliable weather

Foreign (Spain)
Pros-
Excellent chance of sunshine
unique location
Holiday vibes

Cons-
opposite of ireland pros

tinkerbell

Ireland:
- you'll get more people who will go
- easier to organise
- it is cheaper / easier for people to attend as they don't have to go abroad, take more time off work
- if you have elderly people in the family, they will attend an Irish wedding, might not be able to attend a wedding abroad

I think having a wedding abroad makes it cheaper for the bride & groom, but passes the cost to the guests. You will also have not many people who will go to a wedding abroad but would to a wedding here.

Sleepy

Cons:

Lots of guests won't be able to afford it / get time off work and you'll have much smaller numbers at it.

Some people will think you're up yourself expecting them to fork out so much to attend their wedding.

Strong sunshine is actually a pain in the ass for your photographer and may effect your wedding album.

You don't get as much opportunity to view the location, as much choice in suppliers, chance to check out bands etc.

Thoughts:

Can you get a menu that'll suit everyone? Some older guests may prefer the traditional beef or salmon etc. to a spanish menu.

Pros:

Booze would be much cheaper so if you wanted to do an open bar, as would your wine.

Senna

I was at my brothers wedding in Spain, everything was excellent, most people made a weeks holiday out of it and more came to the wedding than they expected. It was just like a week long wedding and i really really enjoyed it.
But my (and the grooms) niece was sick and wasn't able to travel (brother in law also had to stay at home to look after her), had the wedding been local she would have been able to come for most of the day. Same happened to a friends mother, she wasn't well enough to travel and only took sick a couple of days before she was set to fly out, and for that reason i wouldn't choose a foreign wedding for myself.

Misticles

Sleepy wrote: »

Cons:

Lots of guests won't be able to afford it / get time off work and you'll have much smaller numbers at it.

Some people will think you're up yourself expecting them to fork out so much to attend their wedding.

Strong sunshine is actually a pain in the ass for your photographer and may effect your wedding album.

You don't get as much opportunity to view the location, as much choice in suppliers, chance to check out bands etc.

Thoughts:

Can you get a menu that'll suit everyone? Some older guests may prefer the traditional beef or salmon etc. to a spanish menu.

Pros:

Booze would be much cheaper so if you wanted to do an open bar, as would your wine.

I wouldn't see this as a con at all. It's trimming the fat. The people you really want there should be able to afford it if you give them enough notice. That's that way I am seeing it anyways. No mothers friends daughter etc

joeymaccy

thanks guys for your thoughts. I'm still so conflicted. Its a heart and head scenrio. My heart says go abroad but my head knows it's probably a bridge too far. My two sisters have 3 and 4 kids so if the kids get sick they may not be able to travel. I don't have any kids myself - I had no idea they get sick all the time!! My Dad is also unwell right now but would probably be OK this time next year. hmmmm, I guess I should just give up on my dream foreign wedding.

Toto Wolfcastle

Misticles wrote: »

I wouldn't see this as a con at all. It's trimming the fat. The people you really want there should be able to afford it if you give them enough notice. That's that way I am seeing it anyways. No mothers friends daughter etc

That's a very unfair thing to say. If someone I was close to was getting married abroad I would find it very very difficult to come up with the money to do so. I'm recently unemployed and I have no idea what my job situation will be like over the next year. Where do you think I would get the money to save for a wedding abroad? Any money I manage to save (and let's face it, I wont be saving anything) will be kept for a rainy day. If I didn't go to a close friend's wedding because I couldn't afford it is that 'trimming the fat'? Also, I'm getting married in Ireland and I didn't invite my mother's friends daughter and people like that. Everyone we invited is someone we're happy to invite.

joeymaccy wrote: »

thanks guys for your thoughts. I'm still so conflicted. Its a heart and head scenrio. My heart says go abroad but my head knows it's probably a bridge too far. My two sisters have 3 and 4 kids so if the kids get sick they may not be able to travel. I don't have any kids myself - I had no idea they get sick all the time!! My Dad is also unwell right now but would probably be OK this time next year. hmmmm, I guess I should just give up on my dream foreign wedding.

Forget about the pros and cons above. Are you willing to risk that a family member, especially one as important as your Dad, might not be able to attend because of bad health? I think that's the most important consideration.

clint_silver

Dont have the wedding during school year either. Those with kids in school will just look at you like youve got 2 heads.

We got 1 last year for a VERY close friend of the wife. A week in lanzarote. In Mid January. Really, really hope you can make it was the way it was said. We've 3 kids in school. forget it.

I understand those without kids dont have much concept of whats involved but really, its a huge deal.

If it was summer, with a years notice, we would have said yes.

Ive been to 2 foreign weddings before (both during summer holidays). First time we stayed in the same hotel as 80 others who were going to the wedding, stir crazy after the second day. Never again. Second time we stayed in a different hotel. Much better. did our own thing on several nights and made a real holiday of it with a wedding thrown in. werent looking at the same faces every day.

those that do go will have a great time as they can all relax. Dont worry about those that cant go unless theres a significant amount of friends and family that you really want there.

Misticles

Bobblehead Panda wrote: »

That's a very unfair thing to say. If someone I was close to was getting married abroad I would find it very very difficult to come up with the money to do so. I'm recently unemployed and I have no idea what my job situation will be like over the next year. Where do you think I would get the money to save for a wedding abroad? Any money I manage to save (and let's face it, I wont be saving anything) will be kept for a rainy day. If I didn't go to a close friend's wedding because I couldn't afford it is that 'trimming the fat'? Also, I'm getting married in Ireland and I didn't invite my mother's friends daughter and people like that. Everyone we invited is someone we're happy to invite.



Forget about the pros and cons above. Are you willing to risk that a family member, especially one as important as your Dad, might not be able to attend because of bad health? I think that's the most important consideration.

If you re read my post you will see the kind of people I am referring to as "trimming the fat". :rolleyes:

hoodwinked

Misticles wrote: »

If you re read my post you will see the kind of people I am referring to as "trimming the fat". :rolleyes:

its great for trimming the fat but i would too be one who would struggle to get abroad for a wedding even if it was family,

i know if we were getting married abroad, my grandmother, mother,aunt (whom im close to),his aunts, his parents would struggle financially or health wise to make it!

it would seriously end up just us!

Misticles

hoodwinked wrote: »

its great for trimming the fat but i would too be one who would struggle to get abroad for a wedding even if it was family,

i know if we were getting married abroad, my grandmother, mother,aunt (whom im close to),his aunts, his parents would struggle financially or health wise to make it!

it would seriously end up just us!

I have given people two years notice - I think that's long enough.
Any family/friends who were struggling financially - I would think about covering the cost of their accommodation for the few days that they are over for the wedding.

tbh, I'm pretty sure one of my brothers won't go as he is always on the "breadline" or so he says. His wife bleeds him dry but that's a different story.
It would bother me that he wouldn't be there but having a wedding outside of Ireland is what both myself and my oh want.

tinkerbell

Tbh, giving them a year or two notice is neither here nor there either. People have far more important things to save for than someone's wedding, they are not gonna spend 2 years saving just to go to a wedding. I think that if you're justifying it by saying you've given 2 years notice, then you're not really thinking about pressure you're putting guests under. Think about it - expecting someone to save for that length of time to attend a wedding? Might be the most important day for the bride & groom but it's not the most important day of their guests' lives.

But that's just my opinion, not the opinion of all! If you want people to be there, then try help those out who can't realistically afford it.

kaki

Sometimes a foreign wedding is a necessity - I'm getting married next year and my partner is Italian.

We hummed and hawed for a while, but came to the conclusion eventually that either my partner's relatives or my relatives would be dealt the short straw - it is true to a certain extent that it "trims the fat" but as other people have pointed out it means that many of my partner's relatives/friends will miss the day due to the considerable travel costs involved, as well as sick/old relatives who physically cannot travel, people who cannot get the time off work etc.

We also considered having 2 weddings, one in Ireland and one in Italy, but it seemed excessive. Plus, one of the most important things about a wedding (aside from committing to your partner in front of friends and relatives) for me is the joining of 2 families - I figured that splitting the ceremonies would probably mean that very few would attend both, it just seemed like an excuse for a party.

We ended up choosing to get married in Ireland, after much deliberation - if the majority of our friends and relatives lived in Ireland, I would have zero-hesitation in holding the ceremony here.

Sea Filly

Misticles wrote: »

I wouldn't see this as a con at all. It's trimming the fat. The people you really want there should be able to afford it if you give them enough notice. That's that way I am seeing it anyways. No mothers friends daughter etc

What if some of the people you really want to be there CAN'T afford it?

totallegend

Sea Filly wrote: »

What if some of the people you really want to be there CAN'T afford it?

If you give people a year's notice, they can save. Really, the cost difference is a flight to Spain on Ryanair, it can be done quite cheaply if people have enough notice. Misticles says he/she's given two years notice; if you can't save enough for a plane fare to Spain in two years, then you can't afford to attend a wedding in Ireland either.

Besides, and this is what we did for our wedding in Spain last year, it was very cheap for us just to have an open bar all night. No-one put their hand in their pocket all day; now think about the last Irish wedding you were at and how much you and your partner spent at the bar... it would go a long way towards balancing it out.

And just like Misticles, our experience was that people who didn't want to come for whatever reasons were only too happy to use the 'can't afford it' card, and we were fine with that. The last thing we wanted was people coming because they felt they had to or couldn't come up with a valid excuse, that would apply regardless of whether it's in Ireland or abroad.

I'd recommend a wedding abroad to anyone, particularly if you're not planning on having a big 200-guest affair.

Misticles

Sea Filly wrote: »

What if some of the people you really want to be there CAN'T afford it?

If they can't afford it they can't afford it. If it was a family member/close friend I would cover the cost of accommodation. There will be people who will say they cannot go but sure that's the way it goes.

Sleepy

Personally, the possibility of some of our closest friends not being able to afford it was what put us off a foreign wedding. My dream location for a wedding would be the Amalfi coast in Italy but I just wouldn't feel right expecting friends to fork out that kind of cash to join us for the day (especially since we're at that stage where there's loads of weddings every year). Time to save it or no, it's a lot to ask of people imho.

That said, should I win the lotto on Saturday and be in a position to charter a plane and pay for everyone's accommodation, we might yet be headed for Italy!

Sea Filly

totallegend wrote: »

If you give people a year's notice, they can save.

Who wants to save for someone else's wedding? It's a bit much to expect that people will start a fund of your wedding, IMO.

totallegend wrote: »

Besides, and this is what we did for our wedding in Spain last year, it was very cheap for us just to have an open bar all night. No-one put their hand in their pocket all day; now think about the last Irish wedding you were at and how much you and your partner spent at the bar... it would go a long way towards balancing it out.

Foreign weddings ALWAYS end up costing more, and you always need to take more time off work than you would for a domestic wedding. Hassle.

totallegend wrote: »

And just like Misticles, our experience was that people who didn't want to come for whatever reasons were only too happy to use the 'can't afford it' card

Card? It's likely a very valid reason!

Gatica

I've read in posts/forums here that many people have enjoyed foreign weddings. In many cases it really was about cutting back on overall wedding cost (cost per head covered by B&G) as well as the number of guests that would be likely to attend - I think some people just find it hard to invite ONLY a limited number of guests and exclude neighbours, work buddies etc, and this provides them the opportunity of inviting them but having the likely outcome that they won't come if it's abroad.
If they have a close-knit small number of family members, friends that are able to make the wedding abroad, then I don't see the issue. It does however mean that the rest may feel left out or overlooked because they have better things to save for than "just that friend"'s wedding, not realising they weren't the intended guests at the foreign wedding in the first place.
I guess overall, one would offend these in one way or the other - by either not inviting them in Ireland or inviting them to an event they won't be "bothered" to save for.

Personally we decided on a wedding in Ireland because I/we live here and it would be easier for us to plan and meet suppliers, etc... It is more expensive than if we had it where I have family living abroad. We are however closer to the extended family that lives near us (in Ireland) than the extended family that lives abroad and wanted to invite them (and have them attend) and not put them in a situation that they'd have to decline. The immediate family abroad is happy enough to travel anyway and the extended is not getting invited because we're not close to them nor would they bother to make the effort to come here.
If we were having it abroad, we'd feel we had to invite the local relatives and the ones from Ireland would not be able to attend... So our decision was easy.

Sleepy

I'd be afraid that it'd be the people I'd genuinely want there that wouldn't be able to make it to a foreign wedding and I'd end up with a small wedding with a higher proportion of the overall total being those that you'd invited to be polite expecting a decline guests...

Gatica

tinkerbell wrote: »

... People have far more important things to save for than someone's wedding, they are not gonna spend 2 years saving just to go to a wedding.
...
Might be the most important day for the bride & groom but it's not the most important day of their guests' lives.

Sea Filly wrote: »

Who wants to save for someone else's wedding? It's a bit much to expect that people will start a fund of your wedding, IMO.

I totally agree with the above. We had a wedding to go to last year, we have another friend's wedding this year, our own wedding and two friends' weddings early next year.
Now, even if I were to exclude the fact that we're getting married ourselves, we couldn't save for 2 years per wedding to go to 4 different weddings!
Our other friends were invited to 9 weddings last year, they declined 4 or 5 and went to the rest, so the same would apply to them.
On the other hand, if it's immediate family they may be ok with saving to go to their firstborn's wedding abroad, or their only son, or whatever.

totallegend wrote: »

if you can't save enough for a plane fare to Spain in two years, then you can't afford to attend a wedding in Ireland either.

That may be true if you include accommodation, gift and dolling up. However, if people live locally or travel back home, wear what they already have and even if they give a small gift, they can probably do that much cheaper than a weekend away with flights as well as hotel accommodation, aside from possibly having to take time off work.

totallegend wrote: »

now think about the last Irish wedding you were at and how much you and your partner spent at the bar...

Actually that entirely depends on the person. If there's wine or drinks with the meal and toast then I usually wouldn't need to buy more than 1 or 2 drinks for the rest of the night. Some may want to and be ok with spending large amounts of money on drink, but if ppl are short on cash they neither can nor maybe would want to be doing that.

totallegend wrote: »

The last thing we wanted was people coming because they felt they had to or couldn't come up with a valid excuse, that would apply regardless of whether it's in Ireland or abroad.

and I guess this is similar to what I already said - there may be people you'd invite or felt you had to invite but you didn't really care so much if they attended or not. That's perfectly ok, I'd probably also chicken out of not inviting aunts/uncles that we're not close to, etc...
Depends on your circle of close relatives and friends, but certainly wouldn't apply broadly to everyone.
I have friends for whose weddings I'd be willing to save (a very very small number), but majority or most of the others, even if we're good enough friends, I wouldn't. It doesn't mean I don't care about them, there's just too many and if I had to pick between going to their wedding over a period of 2 years or a holiday or two with my family I know I'd pick my family and my holiday, not their wedding. But I guess that's just the choice that'll be put on people - what's more important to them? and what's more important to you?

totallegend

Sea Filly wrote: »

Who wants to save for someone else's wedding? It's a bit much to expect that people will start a fund of your wedding, IMO.

Foreign weddings ALWAYS end up costing more, and you always need to take more time off work than you would for a domestic wedding. Hassle.

Anyone who sees going to your wedding as 'hassle' has no business being there, frankly.

Sea Filly wrote: »

Card? It's likely a very valid reason!

What I meant was that people who just weren't bothered going didn't want to tell us that, so they used the money excuse. We knew it, they knew it, we were grand with it. We knew not everyone would come.

In response to the original poster; decide what you and your partner want to do, maybe discuss with your immediate family and then go for it. So many of the replies you've got are about what is best for your guests, but it's your wedding day; if you want to get married abroad, do it.

Sea Filly

totallegend wrote: »

Anyone who sees going to your wedding as 'hassle' has no business being there, frankly.

A lot of people dislike weddings, even those closest to you. I dislike them, they're boring as hell.

totallegend wrote: »

So many of the replies you've got are about what is best for your guests, but it's your wedding day; if you want to get married abroad, do it.

Agreed, but don't be surprised if people close to you can't go.

clint_silver

Sea Filly wrote: »

A lot of people dislike weddings, even those closest to you. I dislike them, they're boring as hell.

Boring weddings are very boring.

Great Weddings are brilliant days out. You remember them for ages.

Sea Filly

clint_silver wrote: »

Boring weddings are very boring.

Great Weddings are brilliant days out. You remember them for ages.

A lot of people have boring weddings, so!

ABajaninCork

Wedding in London (where I'm from) - Too expensive for what we wanted.

Believe it or not, we married in Ireland, as it was MUCH cheaper!! And most of my friends and family (including family from Barbados, Jamaica and the US) came over which was a real bonus.

totallegend

Sea Filly wrote: »

A lot of people dislike weddings, even those closest to you. I dislike them, they're boring as hell.

That, right there, is why you should arrange the wedding you want and not base your decision on what you think your guests would want.

sillysocks

I think it very much depends on your family/friends general situations and I think most people would have an idea about that before you decided on a wedding abroad. Eg if a lot of your friends have lost jobs, if family aren't big into holidays etc. then a wedding abroad might not be a great idea.

We had our wedding abroad last year, had an amazing time and had around 80 people come with us. I totally understand this did cost them a lot more than they would have spent going to a wedding in Ireland, but we didn't put any pressure on anybody to join us, and tried to make sure people knew that. All our families regularly go on holidays and just made that one of their holidays for that year. I think the atmosphere of a wedding abroad is very different to a wedding here - people are away for a few days and more relaxed and have that holiday feeling. You get to have 4 or 5 days of celebrations rather than just 1 day which is lovely too.

I think a very common mis-conception is that a wedding abroad is cheaper. Our wedding cost the guts of 20k for 80 people - things like dresses, rings, honeymoon, suits, etc all cost the same regardless of whether you're here or abroad. Our hotel charged 100 eur a head, now that did include a lot of things that would be extras here (free bar, chair covers, late bar etc) but still not cheap.

I don't think anyone should do it just to save money, but if its what you really want, and you think the majority of your friends/family could do it then its worth considering. You will have to realise that not everyone you want to join you will be able to.

There are also things you can do to make it easier for people travelling - plan it near an airport that has flights every day with both Aer lingus and Ryanair so people have options and choices, and maybe plan around a bank holiday so people have less time off work to take. I think guests appreciate when you are considerate of them, and when they know you realise it is a big effort by them to travel to be with you for your big day.

Paddy De Plasterer

tinkerbell wrote: »

Tbh, giving them a year or two notice is neither here nor there either. People have far more important things to save for than someone's wedding, they are not gonna spend 2 years saving just to go to a wedding. I think that if you're justifying it by saying you've given 2 years notice, then you're not really thinking about pressure you're putting guests under. Think about it - expecting someone to save for that length of time to attend a wedding? Might be the most important day for the bride & groom but it's not the most important day of their guests' lives.

But that's just my opinion, not the opinion of all! If you want people to be there, then try help those out who can't realistically afford it.

Some people who go abroad should only bring small numbers, unfair asking big crowds who dont want to go. Cheap skits go abroad generally to save money, no problem but dont invite people who dont want to go abroad

Electric Sheep

Misticles wrote: »

If you re read my post you will see the kind of people I am referring to as "trimming the fat". :rolleyes:

Yes, the ones whose pockets aren't deep enough.

grace80

sillysocks wrote: »

I think a very common mis-conception is that a wedding abroad is cheaper. Our wedding cost the guts of 20k for 80 people - things like dresses, rings, honeymoon, suits, etc all cost the same regardless of whether you're here or abroad. Our hotel charged 100 eur a head, now that did include a lot of things that would be extras here (free bar, chair covers, late bar etc) but still not cheap.

+1 to this. We are getting married abroad this summer and it is costing us a great deal more than if we had it in Ireland. Cost per head for food and drink is pricier and as sillysocks said, you don't get all the extras thrown in like you would here. You also have to factor in the costs for a wedding planner, transport for guests (busses to church, and venue) etc.

Also, don't bank on saving money through reduced numbers because it's abroad, as it may backfire on you! We have had a surprisingly small number of declines. Some people we thought would in no way travel or bother with the expense were the first to accept the invitation. We have been to 3 other weddings abroad and it was the same issue for each of those couples.

So, if one of your reasons for getting married abroad is to save money, do a lot of research and maths before making your decision!

That said, the additional expense etc is well worth it in our eyes. We have a long connection with the area we've chosen, so it is more special to us than any local venue we looking at. I've been to over 20 weddings in the past few years and the 3 I were at abroad were the best and most memorable by a long shot. That's just my opinion though!!