Why do women blame "the other woman"?

lazygal

A musing really. I've often read about or heard about cases where a man cheats on his partner and the woman blames the 'other woman' rather than her partner for cheating. Isn't this a totally unfair thing to think? That your partner is so weak and open to temptation that a wily woman can lure him away seems a bizarre rationalization to come to. I know sometimes its easier to project your feelings onto a third party to apportion blame but I never understood why a woman wouldn't lay the blame for cheating where it belongs.

Because they don't want to admit they're going out with a jerk or they might have to face some hard truths
so they blame her instead

hollypink

I think it's a defense mechanism. If your partner has cheated, it's less hurtful to believe that he/she was 'seduced' by someone else who initiated everything than that they chose to cheat. It doesn't make sense but it's probably difficult to be logical when you're hurt

MissFlitworth

hollypink wrote: »

I think it's a defense mechanism. If your partner has cheated, it's less hurtful to believe that he/she was 'seduced' by someone else who initiated everything than that they chose to cheat.

Definitely. Easier on the broken-heart to believe that someone made a serious play for your partner & seduced him while he was at a low ebb than to believe that he chose to do that to you

I would guess that it depends on the cheating situation. Like if your man slept with some randomer on a night out then that would be considered 100% his fault. But if it was your best friend or something you might think "oh, she must have seduced him because he would never have cheated otherwise".

I was in the situation once where my "friend" flirted* with my husband to the point where she may aswell have been giving him a lapdance. He told her to get the f*ck but I think if he had gone there, I probably would have blamed her more than him.

However, either way, I know that he would be at fault no matter what the circumstances. But that's thinking logically, as hollypink says, it's difficult to see things clearly when emotions come in to it so it must be some sort of defense mechanism.


*there's nothing wrong with flirting imo, but there's a point where it goes way past the "harmless" level.

scholar007

<SNIP>

Mod

Please remember where you are. This sort of post is not welcome in the Ladies Lounge

Honey-ec

My husband left me for another woman. While I was p*ssed off with her for going there (she knew he was married), the vast majority of my anger was reserved for him. She was single, he wasn't.

So not everyone blames the other woman. There was a pair of them in it.

Logical Fallacy

People may blame the other woman as a self defence mechanism.

In a horrible situation it might help a little to belief that your partner did love you but was corrupted by another, rather than they simply didn't love you at all.

Sea Filly

In my eyes, the person in the relationship in most at blame, but I don't think the person they cheat with is blameless either. Don't know how anyone with a conscience would feel right about getting involved with someone they know is in a relationship.

But I think it's easier for the victim of cheating to blame the outsider, as they have less of an emotional connection to them. It's easier than admit to yourself that your supposed loved one is to blame for causing you so much pain, I guess.

Sea Filly

Honey-ec wrote: »

So not everyone blames the other woman. There was a pair of them in it.

This is how I'm sure I would feel too. Definitely most of my anger would be reserved for him, but I wouldn't let her off the hook either. Except if she didn't know he was involved of course.

Neyite

I think its a defence mechanisim. Its both a betrayal and a rejection by someone you love all at once. If the other woman is someone you trusted, its worse again.

Do we expect more solidarity from another woman though? Would that be one of the reasons that "the other woman" gets the majority of the blame?

In my eyes, the blame is squarely with the attached partner. Yes, if she knowingly went after an attached man, then I would not think much of her, but I recognise that she has no obligation to me, he does.

meganj

Like the OP has said, I think there is something deeply wrong with blaming the woman as it does confirm this belief that some women propagate that men are weak, and that the woman is completely at fault because their man can't keep it in my pants... Sorry but are all men ruled by the hormones? I think not.

whoopsadaisydoodles you mentioned that your 'friend' flirted with your husband to such an extent, but he never went for it. I don't think (and I'm not saying you do just an observation) that men deserve a medal for not sleeping with women that throw themselves at them yet some women and men seem to think so.

I think even if the woman does know the man is involved, so what? She may be a bitch, but she is the single one. If your partner can't keep it in his pants long enough not to sleep with someone who throws themselves at them, then you've got bigger problems then the other woman.

Giselle

I was cheated on, but the other girl had no idea he was attached. It made me angrier with him because he messed up not just one, but two innocent bystanders.

She was a good person, as it turns out.

Him, not so much.:(

meganj

meganj wrote: »

whoopsadaisydoodles you mentioned that your 'friend' flirted with your husband to such an extent, but he never went for it. I don't think (and I'm not saying you do just an observation) that men deserve a medal for not sleeping with women that throw themselves at them yet some women and men seem to think so.

Oh god no, absolutely not. Men, and women, have their own minds and it is - as previously posted - most likely a defense mechanism to blame the other woman. I'm just saying that in my annoyance and rage, I would have tried to blame her for "throwing herself" at my husband, but he would have been equally to blame if he had taken her up on it.

If you cheat, you cheat, noone else can be blamed for it, end of.

meganj

Deleted User wrote: »

Oh god no, absolutely not. Men, and women, have their own minds and it is - as previously posted - most likely a defense mechanism to blame the other woman. I'm just saying that in my annoyance and rage, I would have tried to blame her for "throwing herself" at my husband, but he would have been equally to blame if he had taken her up on it.

If you cheat, you cheat, noone else can be blamed for it, end of.

I wasn't saying you felt differently, just to make that clear

I think as well that it goes back to the feeling that people have when someone cheats on them that it is something to do with them. That the person cheated because they weren't good enough, or pretty enough or something. By blaming the person who cheats, for some it may be like saying there was something wrong with the relationship, and therefore something wrong with them, so it helps to blame something unrelated to them and their relationship; the other person.

Does that make sense??

cynder

MY aunt went off with a guy 30 years her junior, we had been married for 15 years at that point to my uncle 20 years her junior. So at this point she was 54 her husband was 34 and her bit on the side was 20, the 20 year.

The husband found out about the affair when he found her overpaying the bit on the side for work he had done in the house. He forgave her and shifted the entire blame onto the young lad. It was his way of dealing with it, his wife was the innocent party, she couldnt help herself and resist the charms of the 20 year old who kept on chasing after her.

I presume that's what women do when their fellas cheat, they brainwash themselves into believing that their fellas were innocent and that it doesn't take 2 to tango, it was the evil woman seeking to have her wicked way.... (obviously it does take 2 to tango).

shopaholic01

A lot of women (and men) will choose to stay with their cheating partner, therefore they blame the other person. I suppose it helps them justify their decision to stay in the relationship.

Wibbs

Men do this too and as we've been saying it's a defence mechanism thing. The male version can be "here are you looking at me booord" even though his "booord" may be doing all the flirting. It's misdirected anger too. They're angry at their partner, but are also emotionally attached to them so direct that anger elsewhere. It can also be a case of rather than facing the cracks in the relationship, cracks they may have been, or feel partly responsible for, they again externalise it to the "other man/woman". I've found shopaholic01's reason pretty common too.

Sunnyisland

bluewolf wrote: »

Because they don't want to admit they're going out with a jerk or they might have to face some hard truths
so they blame her instead

hollypink wrote: »

I think it's a defense mechanism. If your partner has cheated, it's less hurtful to believe that he/she was 'seduced' by someone else who initiated everything than that they chose to cheat. It doesn't make sense but it's probably difficult to be logical when you're hurt

100 % imo.

I am a friend

"A mistress, as you may know, is something between a mister and a mattress…" Stephen Fry

Cos its like everything else - people dont want to take personal responsibility for making a bad choice of partner or of not seeing the problems in the relationship which led to the affair.

9to5 MeOhMy

I was in a relationship for 9 years....found out by text that my fella was cheating on me for several weeks (honestly don't no how long). At first, yeah i had to blame someone so it was the other girl & it's funny cause even friends & his family blamed the other girl (oh she's bad news bla bla) think they were just trying to make him look good!! But after time to myself I realized..... Thanks to this girl i found out what kind of Jerk i had been going out with! It took me nearly 3 months (with x begging me to forgive him) & i thought noh, no way was i going back into that relationship. He had always watched every move i made, checked my phone & wouldn't like me going out with the girls, He didn't trust me, but all along he knew what to check cause it was him that was going behind my back cheating. I was only young when i started going out with him & didn't no any different until now, I have my life back, my family & friends around me & a man who treats me like an absolute princess!

Yes the girl knew he was in a relationship, so she shouldn't have kept the contact up but HE was the one in a relationship with me!! When i see this girl now i just think on how LUCKY i was to get out of that relationship when i did, She wasn't the only one he had cheated on me with.
So maybe i thank her in a way....she said that she tried to tell him that she didn't want to meet him anymore (If thats true or not, which i don't care) But that he kept coming to her house, so i suppose she probably thought well im single and he's the one in relationship so what do i care?? I dunno but this X thought he was going to get away with it & put all blame on her but i don't believe a word he says!! Its easy for them to always try & blame the other girl to try & make it seem that they didn't want to cheat - Your either in a relationship or not!!

No Point in blaming the other girl, if your partner is going to cheat, he'll cheat!! Stay strong ladies & keep the head up and don't lash out on other girls as its only yourself your making a fool off. Walk away (okay you will be so hurt) but with dignity!

Giselle

9to5 MeOhMy wrote: »

He had always watched every move i made, checked my phone & wouldn't like me going out with the girls, He didn't trust me, but all along he knew what to check cause it was him that was going behind my back cheating

I think projection is really common with habitual cheaters. They aren't all habitual and I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater, but some are.

They know what they're like, and they think everyone is capable of being like them so they're generally suspicious. I suppose it helps normalize their behaviour in their own minds.

If someone was constantly suspicious of me for no obvious reason, I think it would put me on alert.

Novella

I guess it's easier to be mad at someone you're not in love with. Maybe it makes the hurt a little less.

wellinever2012

Deleted User wrote: »

I would guess that it depends on the cheating situation. Like if your man slept with some randomer on a night out then that would be considered 100% his fault. But if it was your best friend or something you might think "oh, she must have seduced him because he would never have cheated otherwise".

I was in the situation once where my "friend" flirted* with my husband to the point where she may aswell have been giving him a lapdance. He told her to get the f*ck but I think if he had gone there, I probably would have blamed her more than him.

*there's nothing wrong with flirting imo, but there's a point where it goes way past the "harmless" level.

heya came across your comment while browsing in these forums.........
do you really blame your friend....Im a man and my x fiancee was txting my best friend then it turns out he was with her a couple of times to....was heartbroken have never spoken to any of them since. do your husband didnt cheat? or has he? as in my view once a cheat always a cheat.

wellinever2012

wellinever2012 wrote: »

heya came across your comment while browsing in these forums.........
do you really blame your friend....Im a man and my x fiancee was txting my best friend then it turns out he was with her a couple of times to....was heartbroken have never spoken to any of them since. do your husband didnt cheat? or has he? as in my view once a cheat always a cheat.

I'm sorry to hear about your fiance. The friend I spoke of is no longer a friend, she was a horrible person and it took me a while to realise that. I blamed her for coming on to my husband, absolutely, as it happened he had always disliked her which I was fully aware of, but I stuck up for her a lot because that's what I do! If he had actually been with her then I think I would have probably blamed her more than him, even though right now I know of course he would equally to blame, unfortunately logic goes out the window in times of emotion.

I can't really comment on the "once a cheat, always a cheat comments", sorry.

Best of luck wellinever

Wibbs

wellinever2012 wrote: »

in my view once a cheat always a cheat.

This part I don't so much agree with W. Anyone can be a gobshíte especially when young, but many of those moments of madness we put down to immaturity or just... well moments of madness. Cheating because it can cause such an emotional trauma tends to be more black and white. IMHO it can be just as "grey" as other moments of gobshítism. Certainly I've known men and women who have cheated in the past that wouldn't even think of cheating again down the line. In human relationships the grey area is more in play than most other situations that arise in life. We can all learn something from screwups. Many don't, but equally many do*.





*I'm saying this as someone who has never cheated, but has been cheated upon and it damn well hurt at the time.

wellinever2012

fair enough well im sure your a beautiful woman with a strong mind so hope your man treats your right.

wellinever2012

yeah its the 2nd time happened to me 7 years..... bloomin nightmare

can I have a girls perspective here ....my little bro is seeing girl now a few months but she is still friends with her Fbuddies ....insists they are just friends? how do you feel bout this would you want your fellas being friends with people they slept with?. she is a bit odd if you ask me always hides her phone when texting and is always on her frickin mobile even on nights out textin...or probably on boards.ie replying to anything lol.....i can see why this could get addictive..

Peace out

The Big Red Button

wellinever2012 wrote: »

as in my view once a cheat always a cheat.

Nope I don't agree with that at all. Most people I know have cheated at one stage or another, to some extent. A lot of people grow up and mature, come to see life and relationships differently. Granted, some don't. But sometimes when people cheat, it's just a young stupid/drunken mistakes. And plenty of people are well capable of learning from their mistakes!

Similarly, people can be monogamous and faithful for decades, and then end up cheating. Just because someone's never cheated in the past, it's no guarantee for the future.

wellinever2012 wrote: »

can I have a girls perspective here ....my little bro is seeing girl now a few months but she is still friends with her Fbuddies ....insists they are just friends? how do you feel bout this would you want your fellas being friends with people they slept with?. she is a bit odd if you ask me always hides her phone when texting and is always on her frickin mobile even on nights out textin...or probably on boards.ie replying to anything lol.....i can see why this could get addictive..

I'm friends with plenty of my exes. I couldn't get in a relationship with a man who had a problem with that, it just wouldn't work out.

I know it's natural to be protective of your little brother, but really, their relationship is between the two of them. From what you've said, he doesn't seem to have a problem with her being friends with her exes, so why should you?

Equally, it's her own business what she wants to do with her phone!!! (Although I agree it's a bit rude to be using it a lot on nights out!)

wellinever2012

wellinever2012 wrote: »

yeah its the 2nd time happened to me 7 years..... bloomin nightmare

can I have a girls perspective here ....my little bro is seeing girl now a few months but she is still friends with her Fbuddies ....insists they are just friends? how do you feel bout this would you want your fellas being friends with people they slept with?. she is a bit odd if you ask me always hides her phone when texting and is always on her frickin mobile even on nights out textin...or probably on boards.ie replying to anything lol.....i can see why this could get addictive..

Peace out

Unfortunately I have to don my modcap here and just tell you that this isn't the place to look for women's opinions on male problems.

However, i would say, don't assume the worst of people. Lots of people have fcuk buddies or, what your bro's girlfriend may have had are "friend's with benefits", it depends entirely on the individual but there's no reason why the latter can't remain friends when the "benefits" can no longer be taken advantage of.

Fluorescence

chatterpillar wrote: »

Nope I don't agree with that at all. Most people I know have cheated at one stage or another, to some extent.

What? :eek: I sincerely hope that isn't the case. Of all the people I've met I can count on one hand the cheaters. I'm paranoid now that everyone is a closet cheater.

I've been cheated on once - to the best of my knowledge that's the only cheater i've known
I don't know if any friends would tell me if they'd cheated though so who knows
can't imagine they would do it at all though

seems very sad to think most people you know cheated

wellinever2012

you may be right about the benfits now gone ....but in my eyes they did they job no go away .but thats my opinion. sure isnt there always a place for a womans opinion on mens problems ...when ya dont even ask for it
.

Stench Blossoms

A guy I was going out with in my teens (he was in his 20s) for a few years cheated on me and I turned into this bat sh!t crazy b!tch and blamed the other woman.

Even went as far as ringing her to see if she knew he had a girlfriend. She said she knew but that he told her we weren't getting along or having sex and we were in the process of breaking up.

Like a fool I forgave him and put all the blame on her. He cheated on me again another year later and got the girl pregnant.

Wasted 4 years of my life on that prick.

The Big Red Button

Fluorescence wrote: »

What? :eek: I sincerely hope that isn't the case. Of all the people I've met I can count on one hand the cheaters. I'm paranoid now that everyone is a closet cheater.

bluewolf wrote: »

I've been cheated on once - to the best of my knowledge that's the only cheater i've known
I don't know if any friends would tell me if they'd cheated though so who knows
can't imagine they would do it at all though

seems very sad to think most people you know cheated

Ah, when I say "most people", I'm only talking about maybe the twenty or so people that I'm close to/have been relatively close to since we were teenagers. We were all in the same groups, and, when I say cheated, it was mostly just a drunken kiss with someone. They were younger at the time, the relationships wouldn't have been all that serious (although it seemed like major drama at the time!)

But that's what I mean, when I say I don't agree with the "once a cheater, always a cheater" thing. Most of those friends I'm referring to would never even come close to cheating now that they've grown up! So I think it would be very unfair to judge them on stuff they've done when they were young and immature.

OakeyDokey

I think there is lots of reasons why 'the other women' is blamed. Like someone mentioned before the women wants to justify it in her mind and to believe that their partner would do it (especially if it's a relationship of a good number of years) isn't right to them so they assume that 'the other women' was the only reason.

Cheater is always a cheater

I don't believe this statement at all. I have been cheated on before, young relationship, my ex was 17 at the time, it hurt and I remember disliking the girl but after I found out that she didn't know he was still with me I realized she was none the wiser. I see that ex around and he's fairly settled and seems happy in the relationship he is in now.

I think there's lots of reasons why people cheat but most people seem to put cheating into an addiction category, as if they can't stop doing it. Cheating isn't an addiction it's a personal choice.

This is coming from a person who has never cheated on anyone.

Wibbs

bluewolf wrote: »

seems very sad to think most people you know cheated

It's been my experience that this trend can be found quite strongly in some groups and not in others. So Bluewolf's circle sound like the "not likely cheaters" and others like chatterpillar's "more likely to cheat", though as she points out they were younger and less serious relationships and this has changed since. Of those groups Ive known with more cheaters in later life(30's say), they seemed to have a certain commonality to them.

Maybe a certain kind of personality is more likely to cheat, so those personalities are more likely to find common ground with each other and hang out? What might that "type" be? Impulsive, likes "danger", more socially fluid, more self centered, more extrovert(I'd add in young/more immature)?

Bear in mind I don't mean that just because a personality type may be more likely to cheat, it does not mean that someone of that type will cheat. I've known sets of people where the tendency was more cheating, but nowhere close to all in the set did cheat and some of the most impulsive types never did or would.

chatterpillar

chatterpillar wrote: »

Ah, when I say "most people", I'm only talking about maybe the twenty or so people

That's still loads and loads :eek:

maybe wibbs is right about social circles and trends

mcmacness

Me personally would blame the person you were with, as the other woman is a stranger, sure morally she should care that he's taken but she doesn't know you like he does so really she wouldn't be taking your feelings into account.

However in the instance that she does know you I would impart alot of blame on her aswell. In the case that she was a friend of mine, I'd put more of the blame on her than on him. I've always thought like this, I trust my friends implicitly, sure I've trusted boyfriends too but I've just always thought that it would be more of a betrayal for a friend to do it. It's not that I expect it from boyfriends just that I expect more from friends.

I've cheated and been cheated on when I was younger so I know how it feels from both sides, thats why I hate the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater". Now, knowing how it feels I would never inflict that pain on anyone again. The person that I cheated with was single, I'd never do it again, and I especially would never go after someone that was someone elses.

LittleBook

Wibbs wrote: »

It's been my experience that this trend can be found quite strongly in some groups and not in others. So Bluewolf's circle sound like the "not likely cheaters" and others like chatterpillar's "more likely to cheat"

That's been my experience too.

Wibbs wrote: »

Maybe a certain kind of personality is more likely to cheat, so those personalities are more likely to find common ground with each other and hang out?

My experience is based on groups who have been friends since childhood and it seems to be a group mentality rather than different "like-minded" people coming together.

I wonder if it's that if one (usually older) person in the group demonstrates that it's acceptable to cheat, at least some of the others in the group are more likely to follow suit and it just becomes common practice.

I believe there are also class factors involved which could support the group mentality theory.

A very (very) broad example of this could be seen at a national level where in France there seems to be more relaxed attitude to cheating but in places like Ireland and the US cheating is generally accepted to be a huge no-no.

tiny_penguin

I'm of the opinion that if it happened the blame goes 100% on my partner for doing it, not the other woman. In saying that, I don't think a woman who goes after a man who has a girlfriend is a nce person. Its not her fault my boyfriend cheated - but I still think she is a b*tch. And if a friend of mine went after someone elses boyfriend I would call her on it and tell her what I think.

My ex cheated on me a few times (was young and very much under his thumb) but the above is the stance I always took on it. And when the woman he left me for tried to contact me a year later I explained that while she did me a favour taken him off my hands I had nothing to say to her as she was well aware me and him were living together and actively pursued him (heard this from his work colleagues not him, wouldnt have trusted a word he said tbh). Have no idea what she wanted but he was her problem then.

In relation to 'most people' being cheaters. I think there are a lot more people than you would think that have and do cheat on partners. I worked in a company a few years ago where about 70% of people in there were cheating on their partners (good mix of men and women in there). Kind of opened my eyes to how common it actually is. And a few of my friends have cheated in the past - when they were young and stupid and not really serious about said relationships - but would never do it again. Like not being impressed with a friend going after someone with a partner, i also wouldnt be impressed with a friend cheating on their partner now and would prob call them on it and lose a lot of respect for them.

Acacia

I'd reserve most of my anger for my OH in that situation. But I would still think 'the other woman' was a total b1tch too and I'd let her know it. Assuming of course, she knew he was taken.

Abi

Deleted User wrote: »

I would guess that it depends on the cheating situation. Like if your man slept with some randomer on a night out then that would be considered 100% his fault. But if it was your best friend or something you might think "oh, she must have seduced him because he would never have cheated otherwise".

I was in the situation once where my "friend" flirted* with my husband to the point where she may aswell have been giving him a lapdance. He told her to get the f*ck but I think if he had gone there, I probably would have blamed her more than him.

Friends like that you don't need. Fair play to your husband Whoopsie, it has to be said. She's one of the kinds I file under 'toxic friends'. Once they're out of your life, it can only enhance it.

Regarding the topic, I refer to my above point. Theres no point blaming a stranger, but you know the other party that the guy had an affair with, you have to assume they're both toxic people in your life, and excrete them both like you've been on the Bulmers pear.

Bambii_

Personally I blame myself, my OH and the other woman. My fault for not seeing what caused it, his for not being faithful and talking about what problems there were, and hers (providing she knew that he was taken) for being a slapper and not having respect for herself, me and my relationship. (If she didn't know then I wouldn't blame her, but in my case, she knew >.<)

But just because someone cheated doesn't mean that I made a bad choice in staying with him. We're closer now, we voice our problems and issues (not always in the best, most suited way, but either way its better out than in) and we work through it. Relationships aren't always easy, everyone has a "rough patch" some longer and more often than others, but it doesn't mean you love each other any less.

Cheating is always hard to overcome, but its possible to have a better relationship than before after your OH cheats. After the blowing up stage where you through all your anger at the other women, and stop screaming at him, a discussion can open up and the problems become visible, and once you know what the problems are, you can fix them and stop them from appearing again.

I don't see why people don't blame the other woman (unless she had no idea he was in a relationship). I mean some people just blame the OH, but like would you sleep with someone if he was in a relationship? No matter how screwed up and unloving he claims it to me? I know I wouldn't, out of respect for his girlfriend/wife, and respect for myself. So it is partly everyone that is involved faults'. *

*In my case anyway, but there are exceptions, like the other woman had no idea he was taken, or the girlfriend is just going out with a serial cheat. Sometimes it is just the guys fault, but sometimes its everyones, or just the guy and other woman. Depends on the situation..

Well thats my answer than turned into an emotional rant that I much needed to get off my chest, well don't I feel better now


EDIT; I still blame her

Amy33

You shouldn't blame her, once a cheat always a cheat.

The Big Red Button

Amy33 wrote: »

You shouldn't blame her, once a cheat always a cheat.

This is like a mantra for some people, and it's simply not true!

Plenty of people do all sorts of stupid things when they're young and immature; in many cases, though, they learn from mistakes and experiences, and change their behaviour.

Sometimes a person will cheat throughout all of their relationships, all their lives.

In other cases, a person might stay faithful for most of their lives and then cheat on their partner later in life.

There's no hard and fast rule, and the "once a cheat always a cheat" idea simply does not make sense.

Amy33

Amy33 wrote: »

once a cheat always a cheat.

That's simply not true.

Amy33

I believe it is true and I have yet to see evidence to convince me otherwise.

coco_lola

Amy33 wrote: »

You shouldn't blame her, once a cheat always a cheat.

That is such a complete generalization, and really not true at all. My most recent boyfriend had cheated in all of his previous relationships, but he was completely faithful to me. We were very open with each other in that respect and discussed cheating very early into the relationship, and he told me that he had cheated before because he was young, and because he could, he knew they would take him back and forgive him.

He was faithful to me (that I know of obviously), because I would never stand for cheating, and because he didn't need to look elsewhere, he got everything he wanted/needed from me.

It didn't work out with us, but cheating was not the reason. I truly believe that not everyone is a cheater (I have never cheated), and people who have cheated before won't always be cheaters. Just like people who have never cheated, can cheat in future.

Amy33

Amy33 wrote: »

I believe it is true and I have yet to see evidence to convince me otherwise.

So if you met the man of your dreams when you were 35 and decided you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him, but then found out he cheated on his girlfriend when he was 19 you would leave him?

That's an awful pity.

Amy33

I am 35 and I would leave him, a cheat would never be the man of my dreams.