Unsure if I'm a diva or if he's mistreating!

LostGirly

Defiler Of The Coffin wrote: »

This isn't very helpful advice to the OP at all. You're basically telling her she should put up with it because having interests is "a good sign of a person" and "it'd be worse if he didn't have any interests of his own". These are not good enough reasons on their own to sustain a relationship. This whole idea of a 'sports widow' or 'GAA girlfriend' is completely missing the point, the guy isn't even a key member of the team. The problem here is that he is not spending enough time with her, why would it be any different if he was "off partying every weekend" with his friends? Why does being involved with a sports team give him a get out of jail card?

Five years is far too long to be carrying on with this nonsense. bouncebouncey's posts in this thread have hit the nail on the head, the OP has set her standards for a committed relationship far too low. Who's to say that even if he quit the football team that he wouldn't be running back to the hometown every weekend anyway?



The OP doesn't have to put up with anything. Where's the balance in this relationship? What is she getting out of this? She has some hard questions to ask herself.

I don't know what this has to do with anything. He's obviously dedicated to his sport and substitutes are just as important as any players. Should only the key players turn up to training, then the others won't know the plays, the calls or anything! It's always a tricky balance when someone isn't ready to leave their hometown fully and I guess he's not willing to do it just yet when he's not even too sure if he will be staying in Dublin long term or not. I know lots of guys that do this and yeah it's hard on the girlfriend, but maybe it's hard on him too, he probably feels like he's letting her down on different things and should make more of an effort but he is probably with that club all his life, all his friends are there and he has an affinity with the town and the people.

OP - are things different the other two months of the year?

P.S. I don't know why you're slagging off my advice, it's my opinion, you didn't see me slagging off the advice of you or anyone else.

Defiler Of The Coffin

LostGirly wrote: »

I don't know what this has to do with anything. He's obviously dedicated to his sport and substitutes are just as important as any players. Should only the key players turn up to training, then the others won't know the plays, the calls or anything! It's always a tricky balance when someone isn't ready to leave their hometown fully and I guess he's not willing to do it just yet when he's not even too sure if he will be staying in Dublin long term or not. I know lots of guys that do this and yeah it's hard on the girlfriend, but maybe it's hard on him too, he probably feels like he's letting her down on different things and should make more of an effort but he is probably with that club all his life, all his friends are there and he has an affinity with the town and the people.

OP - are things different the other two months of the year?

P.S. I don't know why you're slagging off my advice, it's my opinion, you didn't see me slagging off the advice of you or anyone else.

You seem to be missing the whole point of the thread, there is no problem with the guy in question playing for a football team, having an affinity with his hometown, going out with his friends at home etc, the problem is that he is doing all this at the expense of time with his girlfriend of five years. This is not normal or healthy in a committed relationship and that's why we have the OP posting here. You seem more sympathetic to the boyfriend here, but it's him that's causing the problem. If he's not willing to fully leave his hometown then why is he stringing someone along? He can't have it every way.

There is nothing wrong with anybody not being a key player in any team but in this case it makes it harder for him to justify all the time and effort that he has to put in at the expense of other aspects of his life. Why should the OP be the one to lose out? Is she not important too?

I didn't intend to slag off your post if that's how it came across but you can't expect to have your posts unchallenged in a public forum.

LostGirly

Defiler Of The Coffin wrote: »

You seem to be missing the whole point of the thread, there is no problem with the guy in question playing for a football team, having an affinity with his hometown, going out with his friends at home etc, the problem is that he is doing all this at the expense of time with his girlfriend of five years. This is not normal or healthy in a committed relationship and that's why we have the OP posting here. You seem more sympathetic to the boyfriend here, but it's him that's causing the problem. If he's not willing to fully leave his hometown then why is he stringing someone along? He can't have it every way.

There is nothing wrong with anybody not being a key player in any team but in this case it makes it harder for him to justify all the time and effort that he has to put in at the expense of other aspects of his life. Why should the OP be the one to lose out? Is she not important too?

I didn't intend to slag off your post if that's how it came across but you can't expect to have your posts unchallenged in a public forum.

Of course she's important, but it's been five years, how come it took so long for the OP to realise that she's not happy with the situation. It could all change come September if he gets a teaching post in another place entirely. I do think that the boyfriend could give up coaching the other team and that would help but has the OP suggested this to him and would it really mean that he'd be in Dublin more? He'd probably still be going home for training on a Friday and have a game on a Sunday!
As another poster said could the OP get involved with the club or as I suggested could she travel home with him even once a month. If she's suggested this and he's said no then I would be asking questions but maybe she hasn't suggested this. There's also the point the OP made of

"With all that said he is a very supportive boyfriend (weekdays and phonecalls!) who I am very much in love with. Is it worth waiting for GAA retirement?!!!"

Maybe just wait another little while if she can.
But then again, maybe I should stick to my instinct reaction to the thread of: if you are questioning the relationship, then you aren't truly happy and there's no point being in a relationship that you aren't truly happy in because ultimately those unhappy points will boil over and become too much to bare!

Sit down with your Boyfriend OP and talk it out, don't just make comments about it all, properly sit down and thrash it out, explain exactly how it makes you feel and don't do it after he's missed an event of yours because he'll think it's just a reaction to that. Have him over for dinner, or go out for a drink and talk it out. It's amazing what can be sorted out with a heart to heart, I'm sure ye can come to a compromise!!

Defiler Of The Coffin

LostGirly wrote: »

Maybe just wait another little while if she can.
But then again, maybe I should stick to my instinct reaction to the thread of: if you are questioning the relationship, then you aren't truly happy and there's no point being in a relationship that you aren't truly happy in because ultimately those unhappy points will boil over and become too much to bare!

Sit down with your Boyfriend OP and talk it out, don't just make comments about it all, properly sit down and thrash it out, explain exactly how it makes you feel and don't do it after he's missed an event of yours because he'll think it's just a reaction to that. Have him over for dinner, or go out for a drink and talk it out. It's amazing what can be sorted out with a heart to heart, I'm sure ye can come to a compromise!!

That's more like it.

Thrash it out with your partner OP, but don't sell yourself short.

superblu

If I thought I was being referred to in such unfavourable terms as benchwarmer by my other half I wouldn't be too happy about it. Why was it even necessary to make reference to this fact. I've no doubt that if it wasn't his passion for the GAA and playing football with his mates you had a problem with it would be something else. The camaraderie between lads that play on a team together be it at intercounty or junior B is something that most women wouldn't understand. To attempt to take this outlet away from him would be very detrimental to the relationship. Would you prefer a fat slob that lay in the couch eating pizza every night.

iguana

Where do you see this relationship going OP? You've been together 5 years, have you discussed your future? Do you think you may have children with this man? I ask because if you do what happens when you have children?

My Dad was a rugby nut. Tuesday and Thursday evenings were training and Saturdays or Sundays were match days. My Dad's team was very good so they usually ended up going all the way in a number of tournaments each year, meaning his season was longer than a number of other people's. As a result my mother would be left alone with us on those days and evenings. At times there were classes she would like to do herself on Tuesdays or Thursdays and it wasn't even countenanced that my Dad would miss training for her to get out, even though he was always out.

I love my Dad and he was a great husband and father in a huge number of ways but I can see as an adult that he was very selfish in his refusal to let anything interfere with his game. Passions are well and good but not if following them means taking advantage of the person you love.