Am I a **** up in life?

idunnoshur

Good evening lads, I've been feeling fairly low lately and I'd like to know what you all think of me and what I've done with my life so far.

I'll start by giving some family background. My old man milked 150 cows practically on his own on 170 acres from the age of 19 to (roughly) 30 when he married my mother, she helped out feeding calves and bringing in the cows every evening after work. In 1995 (roughly) he managed to buy another 50 acres about 30 miles from the home farm from the cash that he and my mother were earning, this farm remained rented out until 2004 when the man renting it decided to retire. My old man decided to sell this farm as land was making great money in the area for development. He out the farm up for sale and within 6 months it was sold for 11 million euro. My mother still works as an accountant and my old man drives a lorry to pass the time mostly. That's enough of the family background for now.

Next is my education so far. I've been told my mother that I was at the top of the class all throughout primary school. Once I started secondary school I stopped giving a **** about school but I still managed to get 5 As in the Junior Cert so the parents were still happy. I really stopped giving a **** about school once I hit fourth year, this is when I started smoking and drinking. I did sweet **** all throughout fifth and sixth year, when I was meant to be in after school study each day I went smoking joints with the rougher lads in the school. My leaving cert was a disaster as I expected; I got 310 points. I didn't get enough points on anything that was on my CAO form so I had no choice but to repeat the leaving.

My leaving cert results were a wake up call for me, I really put the head down for that year and I manged to get 535 points, just shy of pharmacy in <snip> which my mother really wanted me to do (I'd kind of like to do it myself too as I have a good enough interest in the chemistry of drugs). I ended up doing Civil engineering in <snip> as it was the next choice on my CAO form, I absolutely hated the first year of it but I battled through it just to keep the parents happy.

I managed to pass all of my exams but I really didn't want to go back to finish out the degree, the parents told me that I could either find somewhere else to live or go back to college, I went back for a quite life. I went to most of the lectures for the first term but since Christmas you could count on one had the amount of lectures that I've been to, instead I passed the days by playing golf and walking around the college but the parents think that I've been going to all of my lectures and studying hard.

Last Monday I just got sick **** of it all and instead of going anywhere I just stayed at home sipping away at a couple of cans each day and browsing the internet. Last Friday after a week of staying at home drinking and smoking fags I got severely fed up with life, I went down the yard to the sheds, found a rope and spent about an hour thinking would I hang myself, thankfully I decided against it in the end, I thought of all of the people that I would hurt if I did do it. Any way this Monday I went into college and spoke to one of the chaplains, I opened my heart to him and he told me that the best thing to do was to sit my parents down and tell them everything that I had told him. I still haven't gotten my head around doing this as I don't know how they'll react.

I know you'll all probably think that I'm a right ****ing idiot for telling all of this to you all but I fell that I have to say it to someone else before the parents.

That should be enough information on my life to date for you to come to some kind of a decision on whether or not I'm a **** up.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this.

Yours
ids

Nailz

You're not a **** up, dude, but if you're looking for sincerity AH was a baaaaaad choice.

Agent Smith

You know what? I'm glad you posted that here



Hope you feel better!

Babybuff

I don't think you're a fcuk up. Not sure ah is best place for this though op. best of luck

Bipolar Joe

Next week, on True Stories:

Hi, I'm Bipolar Joe, and I pee a lot.

Pacifist Pigeon

You watch too much Made in Chelsea.

From what you've written so far, I'd say most people in the country have had it worse than you up to now, bar the contemplating suicide part. You're just stuck in a rut, methinks. FFS, you got 535 points in your LC, that's 235 points off the national average - you're certainly not stupid, you've got acres of potential.

Also, cut the alcohol - it's contributing to your depression and possibly even your suicidal thoughts.

Doc Ruby

Quit drinking, quit college, and look at one of the trades maybe. There's plenty of other third level opportunities out there. If nothing else appeals you can always go back to college after a few years of working in crap jobs, when you'll appreciate it more.

mikom

Am I a **** up in life?

Shur you're are only getting started.
Like a game of snakes and ladders you have just slipped down the first snake or two you came across.
Another few rolls and shur you'll be climbing ladders again.
Don't do anything drastic like loosing the dice though....... as you need it to roll 6's.

humberklog

Tell'm. They might cut you a slice of the 11million.

Tonyandthewhale

No, you sound pretty normal. You just need to start living life on your own terms rather than on the basis of your parents' expectations, probably.

stupidusername

You're not at all a **** up. You need to start doing things you want to do. It's your life after all. School and college and what your parents think of it all mean very little if you're not happy

Chuck Stone

Speak to your folks. Cut back on the drink or stop if you can because it doesn't help a low mood.

Talk to someone you trust or go see a recommended professional.

Edit: No. You're not a **** up. Just hit a hitting a rough patch. Roll with the punches.

TimeToShine

i wish you the best man

drunkmonkey

Sounds pretty normal, the rope thing was just a curiosity, no harm in thinking anything, glad you came to a logical conclusion about it.

I wouldn't go telling the folks, they don't need to know everything, doubt your mother want to hear about your adventures in the shed after a few beers.

Finish out the degree, you just there, you'll have a qualification in something, it makes not one bit of difference if you ever use but you proved you could do it.

Drinking at home is bad. Better off in the pub with a sympathetic barman.

Keep her steady your nearly there.

Paparazzo

The only mistake you made was pick the wrong course. Don't blame you for not liking civil engineering. Can you apply for another course you reckon you'll like, finish this year, then when you get the new one, tell the folks you transfered?

Statistician

why don't you just do pharmacy somewhere else?
I'm sure you'd be able to do it using some of the €11m

Fromthetrees

If you kill yourself you can never have cans ever again or smoke fags, think about it, no more beers ever again, that thought is so depressing it should keep you going forever.
It also means, no more sexy time, steak, sports, ps3, scratching, lying down ect.
If you're going to inherit 11 million than you're a made man too, you'll never have to work at anything ever, just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Kick the weed asap, it's not good for the brain.

Johro

I deleted my smart comment after reading your post again and realising I wasn't so f#ckin funny.
I wouldn't say you're a 'f#ck-up' at all. You should probably go a little easier on yourself. You're posting this on the forum frequented by people pretending not to be f#ck-ups. Good luck to ya man.

MungBean

You sound like your still pretty young. You cant officially be a fcuk up until your half way through.

whatdoicare

Just sounds to me like you've lost interest in whatever you're doing and all I can suggest is that you take a hard look at what it is you really want to do with your life and just go for it.

Would you hazard a trip to your college careers advice and also any counselling services available? They will be able to help you to make any moves you need to do towards a much happier life for yourself.

Good luck in the future

twistedsoul

My advice would be to talk to a counselor if you dont want to tell your folks first no harm in talking to someone mate and they will help you to train your mind to think more positively on life !

the scrote

Dude killing yourself is not the way,when your that low just think the only way is up.you & your family's sitting on millions there must be a bigger underlying problem,it's not as if your going to lose your home & are struggling to survive.Best thing to do is speak to someone you trust.good luck & don't do anything stupid,you won't always feel like this.I was the same as you school wise,good until junior cert then got expelled in 5th year,had ****e jobs for little or no money for years but worked hard & have a good job now.I still get pissed off at times but thats life for everyone.Finally knock the smoke on the head,i used to smoke everyday,it does make you withdrawn & depressed.I only have a couple of days on the blow a year now & feel better for it.

Sindri

You're not a **** up. I'm a **** up. I have numerous psychological ailments, no friends, no secondary school education and numerous addictions.


You seem to be very bored in your life, and apathetic. It happens to everybody.

What is the root cause of your problem? Ask yourself that! It is probably your conviction that you hold (from what I can gather) that your parents will takes precedence over that of your own.

You seem, also to have been quite bored with life for quite a while (from what I can gather). Do what makes you happy and what you are enthusiastic about, and try and plan the road ahead as you see it around that.

Good luck.

p.s. If you ever want to PM me feel free.

delw

your not a**** up ,but it's good to talk when feeling low,keep the chin up

heres a great thread http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=75955119

SEANoftheDEAD

Life is not easy, there will always be walls in your way to overcome. As someone said here, you need to live life on your own terms and not worry to much about your folks expectations of you. Suicide is a waste, and will only destroy your parents, who obviously just want the best for you. Fair enough there methods are contributing to your rut, but they love you and you need to start looking at what good things are in your life and appreciate them.

Remember theres always someone out there worse off then you. And a great way to make yourself feel better is too make someone else feel better.

Chin up dude

Peetrik

idunnoshur wrote: »

I really put the head down for that year and I manged to get 535 points

If it was me and I had just busted my arse getting over 500 points in the LC I would be way too burnt out to jump into college straight away. Sounds like you need a year out and by the sounds of it I'm sure you could at least get a deferral.

Go travelling some place you need sandals and insect repellent, sleep with a stranger, take some drugs... for the hangovers, just enjoy yourself basically and sod what your parents or anyone else thinks, you could waste your whole life trying to make other people happy.

Johro

A mate of mine set up his own business when he was twenty, he can turn his hand to pretty much anything, but did he ever get a bit of praise or an encouraging word from his parents? Did he f#ck.
If you're gonna do anything, do it for yourself.

mikom

the scrote wrote: »

Finally knock the smoke on the head,i used to smoke everyday,it does make you withdrawn & depressed.I only have a couple of days on the blow a year now & feel better for it.

Only smoking fags and drinking cans now from my read of the OP.

Call Me Jimmy

The only way someone can objectively '**** up' life is to choose the most sensible option at every available opportunity.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Sorry to hear about your rough time mate. From what your saying I think you really have to leave the course your doing and find something that you want to do. You got a great LC so there would be plenty of options out there for you in regards to courses. Loads of people start off in college doing something they soon realise is not for them and switch, it happened to me twice before I settled on a course I liked.:D Remember even if you didn't go back, college isn't the be and end all.

I think telling your parents about how you feel is important, once they realize how unhappy you are in your current situation I'm sure they'll be supportive.

Best wishes and keep positive things will work out.

stupidusername

OP this is not the right place to talk,get in touch with a professional.

TeddyTedson

A **** up?
Far from it I'd say. Do what you want. You only get one life so live it your way. With 535 points in the leaving there's an awful lot of opportunities open to you. The world is yours. Don't be thinking of hanging yourself or anything like that again. What's the point in ceasing to exist!?
Best of luck.

celticcrash

Hello idunno, Your going through a rough patch at the moment, know one thing, this will pass. Your parents think there are doing the right thing putting pressure on you. But we are not all built to go to collage. You will find YOUR WAY. Remember that its your way. The drink will only make things look worse.
So try give that a knock on the head.
What do you want to do in life? You have to figure that out yourself!
The priest is right your going to have to sit your parents down and talk to them. Your parents dont want to see you suffering but you have to tell them the truth.
Tell them you need space, but also knock the drink and weed on the head.
You wont be able to sort yourself out with drink and weed.
Things and situations always change and you can change them.
Talk and keep talking.

Turner

535 points... You are nigh on a genius.

Use that brain to go out in the world and make some money...

You can spend your weekends smokin fags and drinking all you want then.

Doc Ruby

celticcrash wrote: »

But we are not all built to go to collage.

Truth. Banging the head off a wall in academia for years might only make a person feel worse and instill a longterm sense of failure.

i57dwun4yb1pt8

All i can say is - find a healthy . constructive passion and follow it .
something you love to do ( that is positive ) .
that will keep your body and mind occupied - which is one thing we all wish for .

it may even be skydiving , but its what you want - not anyone else.

this will likely NOT be what your parents want - but thats your life choice.

best of luck .

full_irish

If you want to do Pharmacy then you should look at applying through UCAS, that's the UK version of CAO. I'd recommend going to Robert Gordon University http://www.rgu.ac.uk/future-students in Aberdeen (best reputation in the UK for Pharmacy).
I'm in 3rd year over there now and its a cool city. Nightlife is good and the girls are easy (well in comparison to Irish girls, thats not hard).
Not that'd be a problem for you with the €11m in the bank but you won't actually have to pay any fees as you're an undergraduate.
I think you've missed the initial deadline for applying this year but I would check out the later deadline:http://www.ucas.com/students/applying/whentoapply

Applying after the deadline
Applications received by the above deadlines are guaranteed to be considered by the universities and colleges. Applications received at UCAS after the deadlines, up until 30 June, will only be considered by the universities and colleges if they still have vacancies for the course(s) you have selected.

Shoot me a pm if you have any questions.

onemorechance

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc4HGQHgeFE

Father Damo

idunnoshur wrote: »

Good evening lads, I've been feeling fairly low lately and I'd like to know what you all think of me and what I've done with my life so far.

I'll start by giving some family background. My old man milked 150 cows practically on his own on 170 acres from the age of 19 to (roughly) 30 when he married my mother, she helped out feeding calves and bringing in the cows every evening after work. In 1995 (roughly) he managed to buy another 50 acres about 30 miles from the home farm from the cash that he and my mother were earning, this farm remained rented out until 2004 when the man renting it decided to retire. My old man decided to sell this farm as land was making great money in the area for development. He out the farm up for sale and within 6 months it was sold for 11 million euro. My mother still works as an accountant and my old man drives a lorry to pass the time mostly. That's enough of the family background for now.

Next is my education so far. I've been told my mother that I was at the top of the class all throughout primary school. Once I started secondary school I stopped giving a **** about school but I still managed to get 5 As in the Junior Cert so the parents were still happy. I really stopped giving a **** about school once I hit fourth year, this is when I started smoking and drinking. I did sweet **** all throughout fifth and sixth year, when I was meant to be in after school study each day I went smoking joints with the rougher lads in the school. My leaving cert was a disaster as I expected; I got 310 points. I didn't get enough points on anything that was on my CAO form so I had no choice but to repeat the leaving.

My leaving cert results were a wake up call for me, I really put the head down for that year and I manged to get 535 points, just shy of pharmacy in <snip> which my mother really wanted me to do (I'd kind of like to do it myself too as I have a good enough interest in the chemistry of drugs). I ended up doing Civil engineering in <snip> as it was the next choice on my CAO form, I absolutely hated the first year of it but I battled through it just to keep the parents happy.

I managed to pass all of my exams but I really didn't want to go back to finish out the degree, the parents told me that I could either find somewhere else to live or go back to college, I went back for a quite life. I went to most of the lectures for the first term but since Christmas you could count on one had the amount of lectures that I've been to, instead I passed the days by playing golf and walking around the college but the parents think that I've been going to all of my lectures and studying hard.

Last Monday I just got sick **** of it all and instead of going anywhere I just stayed at home sipping away at a couple of cans each day and browsing the internet. Last Friday after a week of staying at home drinking and smoking fags I got severely fed up with life, I went down the yard to the sheds, found a rope and spent about an hour thinking would I hang myself, thankfully I decided against it in the end, I thought of all of the people that I would hurt if I did do it. Any way this Monday I went into college and spoke to one of the chaplains, I opened my heart to him and he told me that the best thing to do was to sit my parents down and tell them everything that I had told him. I still haven't gotten my head around doing this as I don't know how they'll react.

I know you'll all probably think that I'm a right ****ing idiot for telling all of this to you all but I fell that I have to say it to someone else before the parents.

That should be enough information on my life to date for you to come to some kind of a decision on whether or not I'm a **** up.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this.

Yours
ids

Sounds like, like pretty much everyone else back home, the monotony of life has become too much.

Emigrate is your best bet. Or at least travel.

Deus Ex Machina

Is it really possible to be a fuçk up in life? We're like some sort of mould that started growing on a pear because light was shining on it, nobody knows what the fuçk any of this is about and by the looks of it there's a good chance we never will. Bo matter who you are there are infinite ways to negatively interpret or rationalise your station in life. You have already lived longer and more pleasantly than 99.999999% of the entities which have flickered over the face of this rock. The whole thing is absurd so don't get your hairy hanging hog huggers all in a twist over not meeting some weird perceived standards. Is a child born with 40 tumors in his brain a fuçk up because he'll never win an Oscar or drive a BMW? Son, the rest of the jizz missed the egg, where are those homeboys at now whassup!

Pacifist Pigeon

Watch one of those Concern or Trócaire advertisements with poor starving babies in Africa, then you'll know how lucky you are.

ToddyDoody

Replace 310 with 290, 535 with 425, civil eng with health and safety, <snip> with nuig, slipping lectures in fourth year with undertaking a mad final year project and using it to ignore the need to study and the rope in the shed with 'would a belt work off the balcony' and its just another twenty something's story. Add unemployed but masters and experience gained. 'Am i a fcuk up?' who gets to decide that and on what grounds, in a changing world? And suppose we get past that and say 'yes, a fcuk up', now what? Do we declare you an economic and social loss and throw you on an imaginary scrap heap? (which is by far the most expensive option, socially and economically) they call this an 'anihilatory' consciousness that western man has.. Can be a path to growth. Are you mature enough to have kids yet? Ans. No. Solution: get broken down (as the above poster currently is) built up then bust down again (psychological equivalent of sport) and you may be getting to what the species requires of the majority of men, in a modern day take on a classic.. The males quest away from the warm nuturing realm of the great mother (that last bit should get a few, nervous, laughs) long story short.. Who cares?

guitarzero

Bro, first, I'd recommend you stop listening to the chatter in your head, it can be a real threat to your morale. Then other peoples opinions, expectations and judgements will slowly lose their weight with time. If you can practice this then you can get in touch with your own feelings and hopes about life. Everyone eventually has to come around to themselves, you may as well start now.

You're not a **** up, you're just reaching the point of where doing what you're told has gone on for too long and your adult instincts are kicking in, a stronger sense of self basically. This is tough because you probably dont know what you want in life or what route to take.

I'd recommend taking care of your health as number one - exercise/work out and eat as good as you can.

Get some guidance around college, see how you feel about the course, what your options are.

Make sure you have at least one person you can talk to who actually gives a shít, be they a friend or counsellor or relative. Someone who can grasp where you are in yourself and give you some understanding.

Learn to relax, to stop and just chill your mind. Any time you get worked up, feel you'll do something extreme just breathe, look around at how everything is quiet, how everything is just still and just sink into it.

Journal. Write things down such as reoccurring thoughts, ideas, plans, solutions.

Engage in a hobby a few times a week that you are or could become quite passionate about, it could literally be anything.

Be opportunistic.

I these things are easy to say but I've also had to put them into practice. They do work so give it time man, even if you give it 70% you'll get some pay back.

Dudess

Definitely not a fuk-up - you're young and trying to find your way. Spectacularly normal. All those people who seem to be sailing along - well you don't know that. You've done extremely well for yourself. I don't think it's fair to tell you you have it so good and cop on - if you felt suicidal then your emotional/psychological state isn't in a good way and that clouds your thinking and sense of logic. Again, not unusual. At the same time though, it's no harm to have some perspective and consider the positives. I agree you should speak to a professional, and have a serious think about your options and ways to make positive changes. Try telling your folks this route isn't benefitting you - plus, the construction industry's fecked. I disagree that AH isn't a good place to talk about this kinda stuff though - always on these threads, the vast majority of people are sensitive and helpful. Anyone who wants to act the gobshyte, just ignore/report.

All the best - don't think it won't get better. You have your whole life ahead of you but you need to make the necessary changes - just get some help to do so...

Aint got nothing to ad but here have a big hug and i hope u see things clearer soon .

No matter what your parents love the bones of you wanting you to do well is part of that they would be devastated to know your so low and wanting to help am sure .

Daftendirekt

No, you aren't a f*ck up. Things just aren't working for you at the moment. It's good that you've talked to someone, though. That can be incredibly hard to do.

Good luck anyway! Hope you can get yourself back on track.

kincsem

Exams are not that important for a happy life. It is ok to have targets in exams, career, job, but the pressure from that can mess you up. You need to get that stress down a bit, and that might mean getting the people who are pressuring you to do something else with their lives.

Dartz

No worse than me.


I can't get a job.

I don't even have any references.

Jev/N

Remember, do things for yourself, not to keep other people happy.

Viral Vector

You're far from a **** up by the sounds of things mate!

Go see some of the world and forget all this negativity nonsense!

starviewadams

First of all I'd strongly recommend you visiting your GP and explaining to them about how you have been feeling.You'd be surprised how helpful even just talking out loud about your feelings can actually be.

Secondly,you are not in the least bit a fúck up,you are just fed up with how your circumstances currently are.The good thing about that is you can change them,it may seem daunting right now,but you absolutely can.Nothing is set in stone.

You will also have to sit both of your parents down an explain to them too exactly how you've been feeling,and how much you loathe the course you're doing at the moment.I'm fairly sure that they will be surprisingly okay about it,after all they are your parents,and at the end of the day they just want you to be happy,healthy and to get on in life.

In the meantime,I'd recommend you cut out the drinking as it will only make your mood worse,and I'd also recommend getting you out during the day,even just out for a walk in the park or whatever for an hour or so,you'll go stir crazy sitting inside all say,believe me!

I on the other hand am an actual fúck up: 25 years old,suffered from anxiety and depression since my early teens,mitched school all the time cos of my anxiety which resulted in me getting 20 or so points on the leaving(threw the paper in the bin the day I got it so not sure of the exact mark).No qualifications or skills/prospects,quit a vec college course after 2 days cos of anxiety,no friends,no girlfriend,quit an easy office job 2 weeks ago cos I couldn't handle it anymore and am now eating away at my very limited savings.

Compared to me you are golden!