Refraining from Sex - Advice please!

Plowman

This post has been deleted.

MrStuffins

Plowman wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

I don't feel i'm derailing the thread. It was not me who asked the original question or who mentioned The Bible? I just asked a simple question that's all.

MrStuffins

Benny_Cake wrote: »

Christians wouldn't hold that sex is sinful, but many Christians would hold the view that the legitimate place for sex is within marriage. Personally, my view would be that the place for sex is in a loving and committed relationship, preferably a lifelong one - whether that is within what we currently call marriage or not wouldn't be as important to me (a couple who are living together in a loving, committed relationship and intended to do so for the rest of their lives - that is what marriage has always being, ceremony or not). I would believe that promiscuity is wrong on a number of levels. Comparing human sexuality to that of animals probably isn't going to cut much ice around here!

I think a lot of people would agree with you, whether they be Christian, any other religion or non-religious. And not even from a moral point of view but even from a sexual preference point of view.

Although sex before marriage is considered a sin, I would bet that if you took a poll of those who call themselves Christian and asked them had they had sex outside of the construct of marriage, the percentage of those saying yes would be pretty massive!

Alan 1990

Benny_Cake wrote: »

Alan 1990 wrote: »

Christians wouldn't hold that sex is sinful, but many Christians would hold the view that the legitimate place for sex is within marriage. Personally, my view would be that the place for sex is in a loving and committed relationship, preferably a lifelong one - whether that is within what we currently call marriage or not wouldn't be as important to me (a couple who are living together in a loving, committed relationship and intended to do so for the rest of their lives - that is what marriage has always being, ceremony or not). I would believe that promiscuity is wrong on a number of levels. Comparing human sexuality to that of animals probably isn't going to cut much ice around here!

I agree with you with that, as regards the comparing to animals I was basically suggesting that sex is a basic instinct of every creature, human or animal!

Pacifist Pigeon

Sexi Mama!**! wrote: »

When I say no sex, I would carry on with foreplay, including oral.

Since when was oral sex not sex?

psychward

Just get married (with the boyfriends consent of course) and you'll never have sex again. Problem solved :pac:

MrStuffins

Pacifist Pigeon wrote: »

Since when was oral sex not sex?

I'm guessing since this is the Christianity forum it'll be about what is considered sex in a Biblical sense?

Zombrex

MrStuffins wrote: »

Well it kinda does because he asked how the poster knew and you said it was in The Bible.

This is why I asked you whather or not the Bible was to be taken literally. It is your understanding that the content of The Bible is to be taken literally....... all of it? Am I right?

No, not all of it. Do you really not know the answers to these questions?

Zombrex

Alan 1990 wrote: »

I agree with you with that, as regards the comparing to animals I was basically suggesting that sex is a basic instinct of every creature, human or animal!

Which says nothing for its morality. Eating your young is a basic instinct of many animals.

MrStuffins

Zombrex wrote: »

No, not all of it. Do you really not know the answers to these questions?

Well Christianity is an expansive term. Some denominations feel every word of The Bible should be taken literally, others don't.

I wanted to know your answer, as you seemed to jump on the "It's called The Bible, you might've heard of it" condescending trip whilst also acknowledging that The Bible shouldn't be taken literally.

Alan 1990

Zombrex wrote: »

Alan 1990 wrote: »

I agree with you with that, as regards the comparing to animals I was basically suggesting that sex is a basic instinct of every creature, human or animal!

Which says nothing for its morality. Eating your young is a basic instinct of many animals.

There's nothing immoral with consensual sex! Not getting into the debate of animals eating young as it's way off topic.

Doc Farrell

I'd say we've scared her off by now. Mission accomplished.

Pacifist Pigeon

MrStuffins wrote: »

I'm guessing since this is the Christianity forum it'll be about what is considered sex in a Biblical sense?

So, if I was married and I received oral sex from a person other than my spouse, would I be an adulterer ... in a Biblical sense?

Alan 1990

I thought this was after hours oops. Was it moved?

MrStuffins

Pacifist Pigeon wrote: »

So, if I was married and I received oral sex from a person other than my spouse, would I be an adulterer ... in a Biblical sense?

I'm probably not the right person to answer your question PP. Anyone?

Doc Farrell

yes and most likely a very charismatic one.

FoxT

Sexi Mama!**! wrote: »

Hi,

I'm 23 and have been with my boyfriend for the past 4 years.
We have slept together and we still are. We have a great relationship and have a very strong foundation We get on great together.

But I've been thinking, the past couple of months about refraining from sex until marriage. I have a good relationship with God and I feel it getting stronger. I feel this is the right thing to do. I really don't know how he will react to this.

When I say no sex, I would carry on with foreplay, including oral.

I still need to think about this some more and I need to talk to my boyfriend. I need my thoughts to be clear before I do that.

Has anyone ever felt like this or been in a similar situation?

Advice would be appreciated.

It sounds like you are thinking deeply about your marriage & the potentially lifelong commitment involved.You are examining a number of issues - your respect for marriage, your love of ( and desire for ) your partner, and your relationship with God.

I think it is vital that you explore these thoughts with your partner. If you want to abstain from certain sexual activities until after marriage, then he needs to understand what is driving that. He may not agree with your position, but he needs to understand what is going on.

It does not matter if you are right or wrong ( I am not religious myself) - but it is vital that you lay the communication foundations now.

If he finds it is a dealbreaker, then you have had the good fortune of establishing that before marriage.

If he does not, then you may very well have succeeded in establishing an open communication path with your partner ( and vice versa) about your own sexual desires/morals/values.

Maintaining this throughout marriage is difficult, but crucial. As the years go by, many forces will come to bear that will affect both of your approaches to sex. These forces will impact on each of you at different times - for both men and women - issues like Childbirth,grief,bereavement, hormonal changes, health issues, stress, exhaustion, anxiety, differing religious beliefs, media influences,etc, can impact your sexual relationship, and if things go wrong, can lead to feelings of resentment/anger/powerlessness , that can be very difficult to resolve or overcome .

I am married for over 20 years now, and the above represents a mix of things that we did successfully, and things I wish we did - so I am not an expert but I hope you & your partner work it out for the best.

-FoxT

Zombrex

MrStuffins wrote: »

Well Christianity is an expansive term. Some denominations feel every word of The Bible should be taken literally, others don't.

I wanted to know your answer, as you seemed to jump on the "It's called The Bible, you might've heard of it" condescending trip whilst also acknowledging that The Bible shouldn't be taken literally.

I'm unaware of any Christian denomination that believes the instruction that fornication is a sin is not to be taken literally.

Also whether a Christian takes passages in the Bible literally or metaphorically is irrelevant to the question over whether Wolfsbane was personally communicating with God. Anyone with even the most basic understanding of Christianity should be well aware that Christians believe God's word is revealed to humanity through the Bible.

Zombrex

Alan 1990 wrote: »

There's nothing immoral with consensual sex!

There is if you are a Christian, pre-marital sex is a sin. Again, you are aware you are on the Christianity forum, correct?

Doc Farrell

Zombrex you may become the first atheist mod of a Christian forum!

Alan 1990

Zombrex wrote: »

Alan 1990 wrote: »

There's nothing immoral with consensual sex!

There is if you are a Christian, pre-marital sex is a sin. Again, you are aware you are on the Christianity forum, correct?

If you say so :P guess I'm rightly screwed so, also have a baby out of wedlock.. I really don't consider that a sin but you have your opinions I have mine.
As I said before it was in after hours but must have been moved to this forum didn't realise until a while ago.
I respect your views on this I just don't agree with them at all and I don't expect you to agree with mine.

HamletOrHecuba

Sexi Mama!**! wrote: »

Hi,

I'm 23 and have been with my boyfriend for the past 4 years.
We have slept together and we still are. We have a great relationship and have a very strong foundation We get on great together.

But I've been thinking, the past couple of months about refraining from sex until marriage. I have a good relationship with God and I feel it getting stronger. I feel this is the right thing to do. I really don't know how he will react to this.

When I say no sex, I would carry on with foreplay, including oral.

I still need to think about this some more and I need to talk to my boyfriend. I need my thoughts to be clear before I do that.

Has anyone ever felt like this or been in a similar situation?

Advice would be appreciated.

Tell please this a troll. Please.

Benny_Cake

Alan 1990 wrote: »

If you say so :P guess I'm rightly screwed so, also have a baby out of wedlock.. I really don't consider that a sin but you have your opinions I have mine.
As I said before it was in after hours but must have been moved to this forum didn't realise until a while ago.
I respect your views on this I just don't agree with them at all and I don't expect you to agree with mine.

No, you are not "rightly screwed"!

It's unfortunate that many people view the Christian faith as an endless series of prohibitions that if violated lead straight to hell. The truth of it is that Christians sin as much as anyone else, but a relationship with Christ is a foundation that helps us overcome our weaknesses. Having a baby out of wedlock - the sin to watch out for there would be if you weren't a good father, which I'm sure you are!

tommy2bad

And anyway its sex outside of marriage thats a sin not sex before marriage.
I know it a bit jesiutical but their is a difference. One is a betrayal of an existing commitment the other may just be inside a marriage in Gods eyes and outside in mans.
When dose a marriage begin, when you fall in love/lust commit to life together or when you get a license from the government or blessing from the church.
Get on with your short life and forgive yourselves and others.

Zombrex

Alan 1990 wrote: »

If you say so :P guess I'm rightly screwed so, also have a baby out of wedlock.. I really don't consider that a sin but you have your opinions I have mine.
As I said before it was in after hours but must have been moved to this forum didn't realise until a while ago.
I respect your views on this I just don't agree with them at all and I don't expect you to agree with mine.

I'm an atheist, I don't expect you to be a Christian at all. It would just be nice that you knew what Christians believed when telling them they are wrong on the Christianity forum. Though I appreciate now that you though you were on After Hours. Still though.

Zombrex

tommy2bad wrote: »

And anyway its sex outside of marriage thats a sin not sex before marriage.

I'm pretty sure it is both.

Onesimus

Alan 1990 wrote: »

If you say so :P guess I'm rightly screwed so, also have a baby out of wedlock.. I really don't consider that a sin but you have your opinions I have mine.
As I said before it was in after hours but must have been moved to this forum didn't realise until a while ago.
I respect your views on this I just don't agree with them at all and I don't expect you to agree with mine.

Remember that in order to commit a mortal sin three conditions must be met in order for it to be ''Mortal''. The act must be objectively sinful, that the person must KNOW that it is a mortal sin/sinful and that the person does freely choose to act on it.

Most people either secular or pagan or of any religion other than Christianity dont know it's a sinful thing to do.

That said if you did meet all these conditions for it to be sinful, then the baby is not whats sinful, because God always draws the good out of a sinful act.

Onesimus

HamletOrHecuba

Onesimus wrote: »

of any religion other than Christianity dont know it's a sinful thing to do.

Not true, most traditional Hindus would consider it sinful as would most Buddhists no mind Muslims.

tommy2bad

Zombrex wrote: »

I'm pretty sure it is both.

Agggh, lost the context,
The injunction is against fornication which if I understand correctly is sex with prostitutes under bridges but I'm being pedantic when it obvious that the injunction is really about betrayal and using another person as a commodity.
End and means, if the sex is consensual and about the other person rather than about satisfying your own desires and need then it in a different category to 'fornication'. None of which absolves the 'sin' of acting outside the rules but dose make a difference to the sin that being committed.
What I'm trying to say is that sex itself isn't a sin. Nor is sex without authorization, its the use that the sex is put to that defines the sin.

chin nuts

instead of abstaining from sex before marraige why dont you just abstain after marraige like most other woman do.