So i've been asked to be a sponsor for a confirmation...

CMpunked

I have no idea whats being asked of me.
I'm not a catholic, i was exempt from doing my first communion in school and wasnt in a catholic school for the time that other kids wouldve been doing their confirmation, so i have no knowledge whatsoever on the subject other then its significance to the catholic faith.

I was respectfully asked to be a sponsor for my nephew and accepted because i know it would mean a lot to him and i was honored to be asked.

Now, thing is i dont know what i have actually agreed to do on the day. When i heard sponsor i thought donate a few quid or something but then i was given a time and date to show up to the church!

In summary, what should i be expected to do/say/stand on the day?

Benny_Cake

There is a pretty complete explanation here.

Unfortunately though, it appears that a sponsor is required to be a baptised and confirmed Catholic. It may vary from place to place so don't take that as gospel. Hopefully you can sponsor your nephew and play a full role in his special day.

Peregrinus

On the assumption that this is a Catholic confirmation, if you're not a Catholic then you're not supposed to act as sponsor.

The sponsor's role is to be an adult mentor who can help and guide a young person in working out what it is to be a adult in the church. This is of course primarily the role of a child's parents, but as children grow up they move beyond their families and establish wider networks, and your role is to supplement that of the parents. You are somebody that the child can talk to, and learn from, apart from his parents, and an adolescent will often feel the need for such a person.

A secondary role of the sponsor is to be a witness to the community as to the young person's readiness for, and desire for, confirmation, so a person shouldn't take on the role if he thinks, e.g., that the candidate is being confirmed merely to please his parents.

Canonically, the rules say that a sponsor should be a confirmed, committed and active Catholic himself (or herself). The rules might sometimes be bent a little if there is an adult close to the child who is suitable to act as a mentor, who is active in committed to another Christian tradition and who is respectful of the Catholic tradition. But if you're not a Christian at all, I doubt that you should act and I suspect there may even be a degree of misrepresentation going on - people are being told, or at least allowed to think, that you are a Catholic. You might not be happy about that.

This is a sensitive area, since obviously you won't want to disrupt your friendship with the young person, or his family. But it does sound to me as if they've put you in a position that, really, they shouldn't have.

On the practical side, sponsors do have a role in the ceremony. At the appropriate time in the ceremony, candidates approach the celebrant (usually the bishop) with their sponsors, but without their parents. The sponsor affirms, in answer to a question, that the candidate is ready for confirmation, and then places one hand on the candidate's shoulder while the sacrament is administered. Then they both return to their seats.

Also on the practical side, it's customary for the sponsor to give the child a small gift, which is usually religious in nature - a lapel pin, a cross on a chain, a prayer book, something of that kind.

Onesimus

No it doesnt vary from place to place I am afraid. Canonical law is canonical law and it states that the sponsor must be Baptised, have received Communion and confirmation in order to be a godparent. The only Catholics excluded are the childs parents from being a sponsor.

CMpunked

Thanks for the replies.

I'm not going to make a big deal out of not being catholic, if it is said that im a practising catholic just to keep the peace and not to disrupt the day then i am fine with that.
However if taking communion was a major part of my role then i would have to refuse and it would be insincere of me if i did.

Benny_Cake

Onesimus wrote: »

No it doesnt vary from place to place I am afraid. Canonical law is canonical law and it states that the sponsor must be Baptised, have received Communion and confirmation in order to be a godparent. The only Catholics excluded are the childs parents from being a sponsor.

Thanks - I wasn't certain about that. Ireland is such a predominantly Catholic country (statistically at least) - that situations such as this arise less frequently than in a more mixed environment such as in America.

It's a shame for the OP though.

CMpunked

CMpunked wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

I'm not going to make a big deal out of not being catholic, if it is said that im a practising catholic just to keep the peace and not to disrupt the day then i am fine with that.

i'm not sure lying to a child you're supposed to be mentoring and to an institution is the best role model

CMpunked

Onesimus wrote: »

No it doesnt vary from place to place I am afraid. Canonical law is canonical law and it states that the sponsor must be Baptised, have received Communion and confirmation in order to be a godparent. The only Catholics excluded are the childs parents from being a sponsor.

Thats another thing, i am a godparent to my friends kid.
And i love the kid, again, i was honored and see the role, as well as this one as being very important and respect being asked.
I am a christian, so engaging in a christian act of any denomination doesnt bother me as much as im sure it would someone who wasnt.

Onesimus

CMpunked wrote: »

Thats another thing, i am a godparent to my friends kid.
And i love the kid, again, i was honored and see the role, as well as this one as being very important and respect being asked.
I am a christian, so engaging in a christian act of any denomination doesnt bother me as much as im sure it would someone who wasnt.

Sorry I dont know where godparent came from. I meant sponsor but sure the same rules apply.

I see what you mean, but if I was asked to be a sponsor of a Christian in the Church of Ireland with the responsability of bringing him up as a good Anglican I dont think I could do it and wouldnt.

But you shouldnt just take our word for it. Yet the info I get does come from Catholic apologists. But speak to the local priest or Bishop about it and see what he says.

Benny it's not a shame for the OP at all. He can participate in the ceremony by just being there and his presence I guess is better than no presence at all.

But again I really havnt a clue and it's better for the childs parents to approach the local priest/Bishop and ask first if CM is a suitable candidate.

Onesimus

CMpunked

But onesimus, let's say if you were asked to do that by an Anglican child/family, do you not think it would be right to participate in that role as long as you agree to adhere to the responsibilities you are undertaking?
For example I will respect the childs beliefs and rituals and go one further to support him when it comes to that side of things.

Onesimus

CMpunked wrote: »

But onesimus, let's say if you were asked to do that by an Anglican child/family, do you not think it would be right to participate in that role as long as you agree to adhere to the responsibilities you are undertaking?
For example I will respect the childs beliefs and rituals and go one further to support him when it comes to that side of things.

No it wouldnt be right. I am not an Anglican. I have respect for others beliefs and rituals but I can not bring them up Anglican if I am a Catholic it would be a sin and God always comes first.

A child needs a real practicing Catholic godparent/sponsor in good standing with the Church in order to grow in the faith.

I wouldnt even do this for my bestest of bestest friends because there is no other greater friend in heaven and earth than Christ himself. It would be a total denial and betrayal of my own faith.

I see what you mean about educating him in the faith whilst respecting his beliefs. Can you not do this? Well...any non-Catholic can learn the Catholic faith and even teach it. But the primary objective of a godparent is not someone who just educates them in the faith, but is a living and breathing flame of example to the child. a practicing Catholic who leads the child by example is also something that comes with just educating them.

Benny_Cake

Onesimus wrote: »

Benny it's not a shame for the OP at all. He can participate in the ceremony by just being there and his presence I guess is better than no presence at all.

I purely meant it in the sense that he was felt honoured to be the child's sponsor and now he wouldn't be able to play that role. Of course rules are rules, I respect that completely. It's been a long time since my confirmation, and I don't think I've had a single conversation with my sponsor on the matter of religion (I don't mean that against my uncle - he's a great guy). To be honest I've always been cynical with the way confirmation works in Ireland, kids being railroaded into it at 12 years of age, I think it would be a lot more meaningful if the initiative to be confirmed came from the individual. I'm afraid it meant nothing whatsoever to me at the time.

CMpunked wrote: »

But onesimus, let's say if you were asked to do that by an Anglican child/family, do you not think it would be right to participate in that role as long as you agree to adhere to the responsibilities you are undertaking?
For example I will respect the childs beliefs and rituals and go one further to support him when it comes to that side of things.

I'd say Anglican's probably have a similar rule to be honest. To be honest it might be possible in such a case to support the child's faith development, although it would possibly be more difficult. In any case, you'l be able to take part in the ceremony on the day and I'm sure it will mean a lot to your nephew that you're there.

philologos

CMpunked: Regard it as an opportunity to guide your nephew to believe in Jesus as he gets older in life? (I'm fairly sure that you are a Christian). You could have a big role in introducing him to Jesus. Not that you wouldn't have anyway, but this could be an opportunity. I think there would be something objectionable about any Christian objecting to that.

For the record, if I was offered to do the same, that's how I would see it.

La Petite Fleur

Peregrinus wrote: »

This is a sensitive area, since obviously you won't want to disrupt your friendship with the young person, or his family. But it does sound to me as if they've put you in a position that, really, they shouldn't have.

I think this poster may have hit the nail on the head, and being a sponsor should never be seen as some sort of popularity contest/reward. It sounds like the parents did not really check/think it through, or discuss it/consult with a Priest before they decided. Sponsor is a very responsible role with obligations.

But in addition, it is also sadly possible the parents could not really think of any properly practicing Catholic to act as good enough example / sponsor for the Child and in that case, perhaps they consider you [CMpunked] to be a good sound practicing Christian, and therefore a better choice than some lapsed/lukewarm Catholic merely going through the motions for appearences sake ? Perhaps consider this and if you believe it to be the case, discuss it with the parents and priest and perhaps something can be worked out ? You would be doing a far better spirtual act for the child if you did, rather that just going through the motions of being a sponsor for show on the day.

I knew a wonderful Baptist lady once that married a Catholic man and had two kids. She raised those two kids to be excellent praticing Catholics (that was the marriage condition placed on both parents in a mixed Catholic marriage at the time), while choosing to remain a Baptist herself, she learned all about the Catholic faith, and then taught her Children all about it. She even taught them how Catholics pray the Rosary and why. Now that's what I call a real Christian.

georgieporgy

Another explanation for the request could be that the parents themselves know very little about their faith. You (CMpunked) being pentacostal cannot be held responsible for not knowing the ins and outs of catholocism, but if you want to be sincere about it and want to do the right thing, just graciously decline and point out that it isn't allowed by their religion.

lots of info here if you want to read more
http://www.cuf.org/faithfacts/details_view.asp?ffID=271

philologos

I don't know if it is the right thing to decline. CMpunked could surely offer his nephew a lot of guidance in respect to Christian faith. I guess it is probably simply the idea that some have that Roman Catholicism is superior to other forms of Christianity.

CMpunked

I appreciate the advice but i really dont think i can pull out now. Its not exactly at the 12th hour but the little lad is pretty excited about it.

Onesimus

philologos wrote: »

I don't know if it is the right thing to decline. CMpunked could surely offer his nephew a lot of guidance in respect to Christian faith. .I guess it is probably simply the idea that some have that Roman Catholicism is superior to other forms of Christianity

It's not an idea...It's a fact.

CMpunked

Onesimus wrote: »

It's not an idea...It's a fact.

I really dont think God cares.
But thats for a whooooole other thread.

La Petite Fleur

philologos wrote: »

I guess it is probably simply the idea that some have that Roman Catholicism is superior to other forms of Christianity.

The exact same comment could be made about any denomination.
This is not a potential conversion exercise.
The young lad involved here is a Catholic, and has the right, and very legitimate expectation to have acess to a Catholic sponsor for his confirmation, or at least in this very particular non-ideal situation, a Christian sponsor that will at least try their genuine best, in the seeming absense of any significant Catholic parental support, and a Catholic sponsor, to be a supportive genuine Christian, and therefore engage in encouraging and fostering the childs Catholicism for the long term, rather than only having just a fun day out.

inagoodway

Cmpunked

enjoy the day out with your family and their friends.

as for the ceremonial or religious aspect, let that just be what you want it to be!

Festus

Here's a couple of links that might help

http://www.cuf.org/faithfacts/details_view.asp?ffID=271

http://archphila.org/evangelization/worship/guidelines/sponsors.pdf

This is a serious issue and we can understand your nephews excitement but as already mentioned his parents have put you in a very awkward position.

It is an unfortunately reality, not just in Ireland, that there are few Catholics who meet the requirements.

This is not something you can sort out on your own.
Perhaps if you encourage them to research the requirements for confirmation sponsors for themselves they may come up with a solution.

Sonics2k

CMpunked wrote: »

I appreciate the advice but i really dont think i can pull out now. Its not exactly at the 12th hour but the little lad is pretty excited about it.

I'd so go for it CM.

Putting aside the Atheist vs Christian or even RCC vs Anglican, the truly important thing here is your nephew and how happy he will be to stand there with you for the ceremony.

Let's be honest here, God probably wouldn't get that fussed about it. I'm sure he would be pleased at seeing you make a child happy.

CMpunked

Sonics2k wrote: »

Let's be honest here, God probably wouldn't get that fussed about it. I'm sure he would be pleased at seeing you make a child happy.

Thats the way im looking at it. Like what would be better in Gods eyes, me going ahead with it and taking it as serious as i possibly can or giving the responsibility to someone who may be a registered catholic who is admitting to only have stepped foot inside a church building once a year?

Sonics2k

CMpunked wrote: »

Thats the way im looking at it. Like what would be better in Gods eyes, me going ahead with it and taking it as serious as i possibly can or giving the responsibility to someone who may be a registered catholic who is admitting to only have stepped foot inside a church building once a year?

This is why I'm more of an Agnostic :pac:

Best of luck and have some fun (if possible :P )

philologos

Onesimus wrote: »

It's not an idea...It's a fact.

That's for another thread, but I've not seen any good reason to regard it as a "fact".

Benny_Cake

philologos wrote: »

I don't know if it is the right thing to decline. CMpunked could surely offer his nephew a lot of guidance in respect to Christian faith. I guess it is probably simply the idea that some have that Roman Catholicism is superior to other forms of Christianity.

I think that you're being a little unfair Phil. Pretty much every denomination has it's own rules and discipline - it isn't all that unreasonable that the church would expect that a sponsor for a candidate for confirmation would be a member of the church. It isn't a question of the Catholic Church being superior or not being superior to others denominations - which I'm not going near as it has been discussed ad nauseum on this forum over the years.

That said, in this case CMpunked was put in a bit of a difficult situation. This may not be intentional - this requirement may not have been made clear to the child or his parents. Their is an unfortunate tendency in Ireland to assume that everyone is Catholic (which is why posters such as yourself get bashed over the head about papal infallibility, for example, on After Hours or A&A!). I have absolutely no doubt having read some of his posts here that CMpunked would be a fine sponsor as he is a committed Christian, so I think this is a conscience call - it's not a perfect situation, but then what is? As I said, I've never had one discussion about faith with my (Catholic) confirmation sponsor!

Peregrinus

CMpunked wrote: »

I appreciate the advice but i really dont think i can pull out now. Its not exactly at the 12th hour but the little lad is pretty excited about it.

Events have their own momentum, and I can see how this is a clinching argument. Given where things have got to, I can see that you may not feel able to do otherwise. We can hold up the sacramental ideal and the canonical proprieties, but in the end of the day there’s a real young man here, facing into a real sacramental encounter with the Holy Spirit in the Body of Christ, and he has asked you to stand with him and you have agreed. How can you pull out now, and what kind of witness will you be bearing if you do? Perhaps if matters had been handled differently at an early stage, you (and he) wouldn’t be in this position but they weren’t, and you are.

It’s plainly unrealistic and unreasonable to expect you to subscribe to the idea that “Roman Catholicism is superior to other forms of Christianity”. (For the record, as a Catholic myself, it’s not a statement I am particularly comfortable with. “Superiority” is not a useful concept here.) At the same time, it’s important to recognize that the boy is encountering the Body of Christ in the Catholic tradition, and through the Catholic community. The Catholic tradition lays considerable emphasis on the collective, as well as the individual, encounter with God, which means that the Catholic dimension to his encounter with God is not coincidental, but central.

This is why it’s considered appropriate that sponsors should themselves be Catholics. The point about a mentor is that he helps you to walk a journey that he himself has already walked; it’s slightly awkward if the mentor has walked a different journey.

dreamerking

Onesimus wrote: »

It's not an idea...It's a fact.

Facts tend to be self evident. Most people would disagree with you about that so I don't think you can call that a fact.

Anyway back to the topic. I think that it would be much better for a practicing Christian to be a sponsor than a lapsed Catholic so I think that you should go for it.

gimmebroadband

dreamerking wrote: »

Facts tend to be self evident. Most people would disagree with you about that so I don't think you can call that a fact.

Anyway back to the topic. I think that it would be much better for a practicing Christian to be a sponsor than a lapsed Catholic so I think that you should go for it.

I wouldn't agree! It's an opportunity for lapsed Catholics to re-kindle their faith!

philologos

Benny_Cake wrote: »

I think that you're being a little unfair Phil. Pretty much every denomination has it's own rules and discipline - it isn't all that unreasonable that the church would expect that a sponsor for a candidate for confirmation would be a member of the church. It isn't a question of the Catholic Church being superior or not being superior to others denominations - which I'm not going near as it has been discussed ad nauseum on this forum over the years.

I don't believe I am. I think Christianity should come first. The Gospel should be put first. I think that CMpunked as a believer in Jesus has a unique opportunity to tell his nephew about Jesus Christ, I think that this is an opportunity by which he can encourage his nephew to follow Jesus and to live and speak for Him.

Maybe it is as I've become older and older, I'm regarding denominationalism as less and less important. What is important is encouraging people to live for Jesus, and repent of their sin before Him in order to come to be born again and to enter into a new relationship with God.

The Gospel is foremost. At best the idea of denominationalism is possibly a human distraction to God's glory. At the word it is possibly a means by which Satan divides Jesus' followers.

We should be united around the good news of Jesus, and we should be enthused to stand by it irrespective of what church we go to. I was reading Mark 9 with my small group at church tonight:

Mark 9:38-41 wrote:

John said to him, “Teacher, we saw someone casting out demons in your name, and we tried to stop him, because he was not following us.” But Jesus said, “Do not stop him, for no one who does a mighty work in my name will be able soon afterward to speak evil of me. For the one who is not against us is for us. For truly, I say to you, whoever gives you a cup of water to drink because you belong to Christ will by no means lose his reward.

(Mark 9:38-41 ESV)

Benny_Cake wrote: »

As I said, I've never had one discussion about faith with my (Catholic) confirmation sponsor!

Do you think that it could be something that people could take an interest in?

Festus

Festus wrote: »

Here's a couple of links that might help

http://www.cuf.org/faithfacts/details_view.asp?ffID=271

http://archphila.org/evangelization/worship/guidelines/sponsors.pdf

This is a serious issue and we can understand your nephews excitement but as already mentioned his parents have put you in a very awkward position.

It is an unfortunately reality, not just in Ireland, that there are few Catholics who meet the requirements.

This is not something you can sort out on your own.
Perhaps if you encourage them to research the requirements for confirmation sponsors for themselves they may come up with a solution.

Yo CMPunked,

I'm going to revise what I said and suggest you sit down with the pastor in charge of your nephews Confirmation.

I mean, really... you expect Boards.ie to be your guide?

CMpunked

Festus wrote: »

Yo CMPunked,

I'm going to revise what I said and suggest you sit down with the pastor in charge of your nephews Confirmation.

I mean, really... you expect Boards.ie to be your guide?

I didnt expect boards to be my guide in this issue, no.
To be honest the reason for starting this thread was purely because I didnt know what was the practical side of being the sponsor on the confirmation day, and wanted to know what i could expect. What the discussion then spread into was pretty interesting and very respectful from everyone that gave their opinion.

I continue to go through with it, i have spoken to the parents and they have informed whoever needs to be informed that im not a member of the church in question and they were fine with that.

Benny_Cake

CMpunked wrote: »

I continue to go through with it, i have spoken to the parents and they have informed whoever needs to be informed that im not a member of the church in question and they were fine with that.

In fairness then, there is little more that you can do, and if I was in your shoes I'd be doing exactly the same thing. Enjoy the day!

dvpower

gimmebroadband wrote: »

I wouldn't agree! It's an opportunity for lapsed Catholics to re-kindle their faith!

Maybe it could be an opportunity for the OP to move over to the 'superior' faith.

NiallCork

On a similar subject, can I ask opinions, or better still get a factual response to a dilemma that has recently arose.

I am godfather to my nephew who is soon to be confirmed. however, I found out recently - through the grapevine - that he has chosen my other brother to be his sppnsor.
Now, I had always understood that part of the role of being a godparent is to be the sponsor for the child at his confirmation. Indeed, I looked this up on the interweb and it does state that "ideally" the godparent is chosen as the sponsor.
Without getting into all the unrest this has caused in many corners, part of an explanation I received (again third party as the parents have yet had the courtesy to contact me directly in this regard, having found out how upset I was at this "snub") - is that this role of sponsor being part of the godparents duty is not how it is done "In Dublin". Now, I am not sure if there are seperate rules designed by the catholic church for people living in / from Dublin, but everyone else I asked about this seemed to share my opinion that is is very unusual for one of the godparents not to be asked (or automatically assumed) to be the sponsor.

I would very much welcome the opinions and thoughts of the forum!

From a very disappointed and insulted godparent!!

Thanks

Doc Farrell

NiallCork wrote: »

On a similar subject, can I ask opinions, or better still get a factual response to a dilemma that has recently arose.

I am godfather to my nephew who is soon to be confirmed. however, I found out recently - through the grapevine - that he has chosen my other brother to be his sppnsor.
Now, I had always understood that part of the role of being a godparent is to be the sponsor for the child at his confirmation. Indeed, I looked this up on the interweb and it does state that "ideally" the godparent is chosen as the sponsor.
Without getting into all the unrest this has caused in many corners, part of an explanation I received (again third party as the parents have yet had the courtesy to contact me directly in this regard, having found out how upset I was at this "snub") - is that this role of sponsor being part of the godparents duty is not how it is done "In Dublin". Now, I am not sure if there are seperate rules designed by the catholic church for people living in / from Dublin, but everyone else I asked about this seemed to share my opinion that is is very unusual for one of the godparents not to be asked (or automatically assumed) to be the sponsor.

I would very much welcome the opinions and thoughts of the forum!

From a very disappointed and insulted godparent!!

Thanks

A similar situation happened to me but I think that the best response is just to be the best godparent that you can be and allow your brother to take a role too. If you make an issue of this i think you will be making a huge mistake. Better to get stuck into life and enjoy whatever role you already play.
I'm sorry if this is not the factual response you are hoping for but the real fact, that life is too short to hold grudges, vastly outweighs any other facts.
If you make an issue of this you could be destroying your future with your family.

Penn

Doc Farrell wrote: »

A similar situation happened to me but I think that the best response is just to be the best godparent that you can be and allow your brother to take a role too. If you make an issue of this i think you will be making a huge mistake. Better to get stuck into life and enjoy whatever role you already play.
I'm sorry if this is not the factual response you are hoping for but the real fact, that life is too short to hold grudges, vastly outweighs any other facts.
If you make an issue of this you could be destroying your future with your family.

I agree. I'd also add that from what I remember, only one godparent acts as sponsor for the child. So you might not have been sponsor anyway. Just treat it like that. Treat it as though the other godparent was chosen. It's only a big deal if you make it one.

true

CMpunked wrote: »

I am a christian

Thats the main thing

dvpower wrote: »

Maybe it could be an opportunity for the OP to move over to the 'superior' faith.

but who is to say he/she already is not;)? What would Jesus say, especially after all that has happened?

Good luck to the OP, do not worry about it.

CMpunked

Just an update; I went through with it, there wasnt an ounce of hassle.
Thanks for all the advice which posters gave, i came clean to anyone who asked as I felt dishonest if I was to lie to their face about the whole thing and obviously that wouldnt have been the best thing to do in the example i was trying to set.

gimmebroadband

Good to hear it went well!

NiallCork

Penn wrote: »

I agree. I'd also add that from what I remember, only one godparent acts as sponsor for the child. So you might not have been sponsor anyway. Just treat it like that. Treat it as though the other godparent was chosen. It's only a big deal if you make it one.

Thanks Doc & Penn.

I hear what you are saying and I wish it was that easy! My main "gripe" is not really that fact that I was not chosen, irrespective of who the person that was chosen is, but more that I was not told and to this day, would not have found out only for a random call that I made to another member of the family. Since my original post, my wife has spoken to the mother of the child explaining how dissappointed and upset I was and that maybe they should give me a call just to smooth things out. However, I have yet to receive any call or offered any explanation!
I understand what you guys are saying but I have being put in a position whereby actually attending the confirmation would be both embarassing and humiliating for me because of the childs parents' action - or more apt - their lack of actions!
So, it has now become more than a "simple" insult as not being chosen as the godfather - which I could get over, but extends to the total lack of respect and common decency the childs parents are displaying by not even acknowledging my upset and making any effort to offer an explanation, much less an apology!

Anywho....Life is too short, so I have decided to stop worrying about it and enjoy and appreciate my own kids with increased fever (if that was even possible! )

Thanks again guys, your comments were very much appreciated!

Cato Maior

CMpunked wrote: »

Just an update; I went through with it, there wasnt an ounce of hassle.
Thanks for all the advice which posters gave, i came clean to anyone who asked as I felt dishonest if I was to lie to their face about the whole thing and obviously that wouldnt have been the best thing to do in the example i was trying to set.

A friend of mine asked me to be godparent to his son. Both my friend and myself are atheists, although both of us were baptised Catholics but have renounced our religion and I formally defected from the church.

However, I went through with it anyway, for the sake of our friendship and for the honour of being asked. The priest conducting the baptism knew that I have left the church and renounced by former beliefs but he made no issue of it at all. They don't really seem to mind.