Would you be more sad if your child was a bully or was being bullied?

bb1234567

I'm not really sure, I'd feel really sad and disappointed that my child would bully another child and make their life miserable but I'd also be very sad if my child was being bullied. 50/50 for me anyway.

4zn76tysfajdxp

The latter but I'd be furious if I had a bully for a kid.

Liam Byrne

Sad if they were being bullied.

Disgusted and fuming if they were a bully.

Micky Dolenz

As long as they were happy.

Biggins

Sad that they were bullied (and angry).
I would also be VERY angry if I found out one of my own was doing the bullying. VERY!

The King of Moo

I'd be more sad if they were a bully. Being bullied doesn't necessarily reflect badly on the person being bullied: it can happen to almost anyone, and bullying can be sorted out and ended.

But I wouldn't like it if I thought my child was arrogant, boorish and maybe cowardly and treated others badly.
Obviously there are different reasons people become bullies, but I'd be worried that my kid just had the personality for it and was basically just an arrogant prick.

6th

Ashamed that they let themselves be bullying.

Proud that they are a natural leader.

I am a bad parent.

TheZohanS

Survival of the fittest, innit.

KittyeeTrix

I would prefer if they were the bully as it is not possible to control the action of other peoples kids but with my own I'd imagine they'd be a bully only for about 5 mins after I'd been informed................. No more bully from then on in if ya understand me!!!!:mad:

stovelid

Heartbroken if my child was bullied; angry if they were bullying other kids.

Old Tom

bb1234567 wrote: »

I'm not really sure, I'd feel really sad and disappointed that my child would bully another child and make their life miserable but I'd also be very sad if my child was being bullied. 50/50 for me anyway.

Which eye would you prefer to lose - left or right? I'm actually quite attached to both of them, so 50/50 for me.

Sinfonia

KittyeeTrix wrote: »

I would prefer if they were the bully as it is not possible to control the action of other peoples kids but with my own I'd imagine they'd be a bully only for about 5 mins after I'd been informed................. No more bully from then on in if ya understand me!!!!:mad:

I agree, if your child is a bully at least you can exercise some control and try to teach them not to bully other people and help them understand why it's wrong. You can't teach them to not be bullied really. You also can't really get involved with the bully if it's not your kid unless you talk to his/her parents and his/her parents might not give a ****.

So I guess I'd rather my child was a bully, with the caveat that I'd be able to change their behaviour.

Peetrik

Javion Wide Puffin wrote: »

The latter but I'd be furious if I had a bully for a kid.

Would you make him cry to teach him not to be such a spa?

Killer Wench

Depends.

The bullying of today ain't like it was when I was growing up.

I was a bully but only to males. Mostly my own cousins, but a few little boys who I used to play with. They never objected. I think the only time they may have cried was when they got struck by a toy on accident. By me. But, I got in trouble for that. Otherwise, they all pretty much adapted to it and our parents let it go because it pretty much is a part of life. There will be natural leaders, natural followers, natural outsiders, and natural instigators. If my kid was the bully in one of these more natural engagements, I wouldn't bothered.

However, if my kid was participating in the online stalking, hallway intimidation, and constant harassment of another student, then there computer would be taken away. They would be removed from school and they would probably have to work their butt off to earn back my respect and trust. If my kid was the subject of such bullying, someone's parents are going to get a knock at their door.

Conchir

Bully, without a shadow of a doubt.

Having been bullied for a (short) time in primary school, I know that if a child is being bullied it is not their fault. I would much prefer that any children I have in the future would have the bravery to tell someone they're being bullied, than to find out that they were bullying someone themselves. I would be proud if they mustered up the courage to tell me they were being bullied, and ashamed if they were a bully themselves.

gsxr1

I would be very sad in both respects.

I guess im lucky that no one messes with my kid. He has a very short fuse due to ADHD. Temper trip switch. But has a fair amount of friends who put up with it.

Born to Die

I would be sad that my kids were either. They have been taught respect and being able to stand up for themselves.

Saying that they are imaginary so they are capable of anything including flight.

Johnny Foreigner

bb1234567 wrote: »

I'm not really sure, I'd feel really sad and disappointed that my child would bully another child and make their life miserable but I'd also be very sad if my child was being bullied. 50/50 for me anyway.

I was both bullied at school, and a bully.
There was an ingrained culture of bullying at my school right from the teachers down to the pupils.
Bullying was seen as a way of toughening children up, and admired by the teachers as natural leadership and strength of character.
I was taught to fight back by my father, and when I was bullied I did so myself.
I then in turn became a bully, and learned about racketeering and intimidation.
Little did I know that later in life these skills would serve me well.
Whether you like it or not, many bullies in life go on to be successful leaders.
There are some positions in life where one needs to take control and lead.
I would not have a problem with my child being bully. I would rather that to them being bullied.
I was always taught to stand up for myself and fight back. It has served me well in life.

Robdude

I'm not saying bullying is a good thing; it isn't. But there are some underlying traits you find in bullies and in those who get bullied.

I'd much rather have a bully for a son than someone who is getting bullied.

Anyone can get into a fight and lose. I'm not talking about that. But when someone is continuously bullied without taking action, that is a reflection on them as well.

The bully, even though I don't support his actions, he has a lot of positive traits he's just not using appropriately. He might be bigger/stronger than other kids. He might be a natural leader. He might have a stronger personality. Those can all be good, positive things, that lead to a life-long success.

The kid being bullied, well, I'm not saying they are doomed to failure; but the traits they are exhibiting aren't good ones.

blatantrereg

Robdude wrote: »

I'm not saying bullying is a good thing; it isn't. But there are some underlying traits you find in bullies and in those who get bullied.

I'd much rather have a bully for a son than someone who is getting bullied.

Anyone can get into a fight and lose. I'm not talking about that. But when someone is continuously bullied without taking action, that is a reflection on them as well.

The bully, even though I don't support his actions, he has a lot of positive traits he's just not using appropriately. He might be bigger/stronger than other kids. He might be a natural leader. He might have a stronger personality. Those can all be good, positive things, that lead to a life-long success.

The kid being bullied, well, I'm not saying they are doomed to failure; but the traits they are exhibiting aren't good ones.

Blame the victim! Might is right!

Your definition of success is flawed.

Bullying is disgusting tbh. I would be quite upset if I had a kid whom I was disgusted by.

Robdude

blatantrereg wrote: »

Blame the victim! Might is right!

Your definition of success is flawed.

Bullying is disgusting tbh. I would be quite upset if I had a kid whom I was disgusted by.

You are misunderstanding me. I said I *do not* support bullying. If my child were a bully, I would be upset. I would talk to him/her and explain why it is not acceptable.

I'm saying I would *prefer* that over having a child who is bullied.

There is nothing about being a victim that absolves someone from their actions. If I'm robbed while selling crack, does the fact that I'm a victim absolve me from my actions as a criminal? It's entirely possible to be both a victim *AND* at fault.

I've never actually heard a solid, rational, argument for why we shouldn't blame a victim in situations where it is reasonable to do so....I've only heard people proclaim it as if it were a universal truth.

Robdude

Johnny Foreigner wrote: »

I was both bullied at school, and a bully.
There was an ingrained culture of bullying at my school right from the teachers down to the pupils.
Bullying was seen as a way of toughening children up, and admired by the teachers as natural leadership and strength of character.
I was taught to fight back by my father, and when I was bullied I did so myself.
I then in turn became a bully, and learned about racketeering and intimidation.
Little did I know that later in life these skills would serve me well.
Whether you like it or not, many bullies in life go on to be successful leaders.
There are some positions in life where one needs to take control and lead.
I would not have a problem with my child being bully. I would rather that to them being bullied.
I was always taught to stand up for myself and fight back. It has served me well in life.

Exactly what I was trying to say. Excellent post.

blatantrereg

Robdude wrote: »

You are misunderstanding me. I said I *do not* support bullying. If my child were a bully, I would be upset. I would talk to him/her and explain why it is not acceptable.

I'm saying I would *prefer* that over having a child who is bullied.

There is nothing about being a victim that absolves someone from their actions. If I'm robbed while selling crack, does the fact that I'm a victim absolve me from my actions as a criminal? It's entirely possible to be both a victim *AND* at fault.

I've never actually heard a solid, rational, argument for why we shouldn't blame a victim in situations where it is reasonable to do so....I've only heard people proclaim it as if it were a universal truth.

But you are suggesting that in general the victim is at fault.
You'd be upset if your 8 year old wasn't macho enough eh?
With an adult, allowing yourself to be violated is to be complicit in that wrong. This can be true in some cases.
With a child, they're not that sophisticated yet. It's more about their basic natures. If my kid was too gentle to hit someone hard enough for them to go away, I would not think badly of them. If my kid liked to torment the kids who were too weak or gentle to stop him, that would be a dreadful thing for me.

Robdude

blatantrereg wrote: »

But you are suggesting that in general the victim is at fault.
You'd be upset if your 8 year old wasn't macho enough eh?
With an adult, allowing yourself to be violated is to be complicit in that wrong. This can be true in some cases.
With a child, they're not that sophisticated yet. It's more about their basic natures. If my kid was too gentle to hit someone hard enough for them to go away, I would not feel badly of them. If my kid liked to torment the kids who were too weak or gentle to stop him, that would be a dreadful thing for me.

No, I don't think that the victim is ALWAYS at fault. I believe the victim *CAN* be at fault. In either case, I agree that the bully is ALWAYS at fault. My objection is less about fault and more about the underlying traits the child's actions are reflecting.

Bullies tend to pick on children that are smaller and weaker than themselves. That often means younger children. It's ridiculous to think a child who happens to be less physically strong than another child has done something wrong. That's beyond their control. Every child begins very small and weak.

Same with adults. Not everyone is a 6'4" 115kg professional boxer. Being physically weaker than someone is not something to be ashamed of. Losing an unfair fight or being the victim of a crime doesn't mean you are weak or deserve any blame for it.

However, if you KEEP doing STUPID STUFF; then you do deserve blame for that.

Here's an example - my kid is walking home from school eating a candy bar and a bigger kid comes up from behind, pushes him to the ground, and steals his bag of candy....that makes my child a *blameless victim*.

Presumably, he or she would have the good sense to take some action to prevent it from happening again. Whether it be grouping up with other kids, or telling me or the teachers, whatever. If my kid takes an action to prevent the same thing from happening again; I'd be proud and, most importantly, he wouldn't CONTINUE to be bullied. It would be an isolated incident.

If my kid were to DO NOTHING and accept that bigger people are going to be able to take his stuff from him, and he's okay with it....THEN, he begins to share blame.

And that willingness to accept being a victim is a reflection of traits that are generally considered less-than-desirable in our society.

blatantrereg

Robdude wrote: »

No, I don't think that the victim is ALWAYS at fault. I believe the victim *CAN* be at fault. In either case, I agree that the bully is ALWAYS at fault. My objection is less about fault and more about the underlying traits the child's actions are reflecting.

Bullies tend to pick on children that are smaller and weaker than themselves. That often means younger children. It's ridiculous to think a child who happens to be less physically strong than another child has done something wrong. That's beyond their control. Every child begins very small and weak.

Same with adults. Not everyone is a 6'4" 115kg professional boxer. Being physically weaker than someone is not something to be ashamed of. Losing an unfair fight or being the victim of a crime doesn't mean you are weak or deserve any blame for it.

However, if you KEEP doing STUPID STUFF; then you do deserve blame for that.

Here's an example - my kid is walking home from school eating a candy bar and a bigger kid comes up from behind, pushes him to the ground, and steals his bag of candy....that makes my child a *blameless victim*.

Presumably, he or she would have the good sense to take some action to prevent it from happening again. Whether it be grouping up with other kids, or telling me or the teachers, whatever. If my kid takes an action to prevent the same thing from happening again; I'd be proud and, most importantly, he wouldn't CONTINUE to be bullied. It would be an isolated incident.

If my kid were to DO NOTHING and accept that bigger people are going to be able to take his stuff from him, and he's okay with it....THEN, he begins to share blame.

And that willingness to accept being a victim is a reflection of traits that are generally considered less-than-desirable in our society.

What if he tells the teacher, but the teacher blames him, or dismisses what he says? This is common enough - they just dont want the hassle. Or what if the action he takes to change things ends up making things worse? Like if he told his parents and they blamed him for it, or thought less of him. He's a child. He doesn't have a highly developed idea of how things work yet. He learns from what he experiences.

Vocal responses tend to be the strongest defences against most forms of victimisation - especially when you become an adult. Believe me if you're a 6'4 professional boxer, you risk making things a hell of a lot worse for yourself if you use your physical attributes to defend yourself. Especially if your verbal/social skills are not so well developed.

Your sort of attitude would encourage a child to keep quiet about the bullying, rather than to take appropriate action about it. It is likely to cause the very behaviour that you criticise.

Wattle

Johnny Foreigner wrote: »

I was both bullied at school, and a bully.
There was an ingrained culture of bullying at my school right from the teachers down to the pupils.
Bullying was seen as a way of toughening children up, and admired by the teachers as natural leadership and strength of character.
I was taught to fight back by my father, and when I was bullied I did so myself.
I then in turn became a bully, and learned about racketeering and intimidation.
Little did I know that later in life these skills would serve me well.
Whether you like it or not, many bullies in life go on to be successful leaders.
There are some positions in life where one needs to take control and lead.
I would not have a problem with my child being bully.

If you met the parents of the child that your son or daughter is bullying would you say this to their face?

ihsb

Deffo if they were the bullier... I would wonder what had went wrong in bringing them up!

Micky Dolenz

ihsb wrote: »

Deffo if they were the bullier... I would wonder what had went wrong in bringing them up!

It may be something as simple as peer pressure and no reflection on upbringing.

granturismo

I am sick and tired of my children having had the following drummed into them in creche and primary school - if another child hits you, do not hit back, tell your teacher what happened.

I just want them to stand up for themselves and defend and if necessary hit back.

blatantrereg

granturismo wrote: »

I am sick and tired of my children having had the following drummed into them in creche and primary school - if another child hits you, do not hit back, tell your teacher what happened.

I just want them to stand up for themselves and defend and if necessary hit back.

What happens when the person they hit back tells the teacher?
What happens when the same pattern occurs in adulthood?
Perhaps suggest they make damn sure everybody knows who hit first.

Wattle

Many of the people I knew who were bullies in childhood grew up to be really sad people. They tried their bullying thing in adult life and found out it didn't work anymore.

KittyeeTrix

granturismo wrote: »

I am sick and tired of my children having had the following drummed into them in creche and primary school - if another child hits you, do not hit back, tell your teacher what happened.

I just want them to stand up for themselves and defend and if necessary hit back.

I've always told my kids to hop any child's head off the floor if they dare try to bully or hit them...
They know I'll have their back if teachers made an issue out of them standing up for themselves but luckily they've never had to do this yet:)

Robdude

blatantrereg wrote: »

What if he tells the teacher, but the teacher blames him, or dismisses what he says? This is common enough - they just dont want the hassle. Or what if the action he takes to change things ends up making things worse? Like if he told his parents and they blamed him for it, or thought less of him. He's a child. He doesn't have a highly developed idea of how things work yet. He learns from what he experiences.

Vocal responses tend to be the strongest defences against most forms of victimisation - especially when you become an adult. Believe me if you're a 6'4 professional boxer, you risk making things a hell of a lot worse for yourself if you use your physical attributes to defend yourself. Especially if your verbal/social skills are not so well developed.

Your sort of attitude would encourage a child to keep quiet about the bullying, rather than to take appropriate action about it. It is likely to cause the very behaviour that you criticise.

What if he tells the teacher, but the teacher blames him, or dismisses what he says?

I'm afraid I'm not following your reasoning.

I'm saying that:
1.) Bullying can't continue unless the victim *continues* to allow it by indifference or inaction.

2.) I'd be more disappointed in my child for allowing someone to continually bully him, than I would for him bullying someone else.

I don't see how emphasizing the importance of doing SOMETHING (even a misguided something) when faced with injustice is going to lead a child to NOT take action.

If a parent emphasizes the importance of being 'tough' - certainly, I could see how a child who is bullied would feel he/she has failed in 'being tough' and would want to avoid telling anyone. But I'm taking the opposite stance. It's okay, normal, even expected, that someone else is going to be in a position to take advantage of/wrong you/bully you. There is nothing anyone can do to change that.

The only choice a victim has is how to respond to the injustice.

To put it differently; both the bully and the victim know something wrong is going down. The bully is allowing injustice to continue because it benefits him and because he is in a position of power. The victim is allowing injustice to continue because....he's afraid....he's indifferent....he'd rather ignore his problems than face them....something.

Both of them are in the wrong.

But the underlying traits that the bully is exhibiting aren't bad, in themselves. The execution is bad. I'd be ashamed at my child for being a bully, and I'd take actions to remedy the situation. But I'd more more ashamed at my child for exhibiting the traits that allow a bully to continue to bully them. Whether it be fear, or apathy, or whatever else.

I absolutely wouldn't care if my child is physically weaker than someone else. Everyone is physically weaker than someone else.

Neither situation is good. But I do feel one is worse than the other. That's the whole point of this thread.

blatantrereg

Robdude wrote: »

What if he tells the teacher, but the teacher blames him, or dismisses what he says?

I'm afraid I'm not following your reasoning.

I'm saying that:
1.) Bullying can't continue unless the victim *continues* to allow it by indifference or inaction.

2.) I'd be more disappointed in my child for allowing someone to continually bully him, than I would for him bullying someone else.

I don't see how emphasizing the importance of doing SOMETHING (even a misguided something) when faced with injustice is going to lead a child to NOT take action.

If a parent emphasizes the importance of being 'tough' - certainly, I could see how a child who is bullied would feel he/she has failed in 'being tough' and would want to avoid telling anyone. But I'm taking the opposite stance. It's okay, normal, even expected, that someone else is going to be in a position to take advantage of/wrong you/bully you. There is nothing anyone can do to change that.

The only choice a victim has is how to respond to the injustice.

To put it differently; both the bully and the victim know something wrong is going down. The bully is allowing injustice to continue because it benefits him and because he is in a position of power. The victim is allowing injustice to continue because....he's afraid....he's indifferent....he'd rather ignore his problems than face them....something.

Both of them are in the wrong.

But the underlying traits that the bully is exhibiting aren't bad, in themselves. The execution is bad. I'd be ashamed at my child for being a bully, and I'd take actions to remedy the situation. But I'd more more ashamed at my child for exhibiting the traits that allow a bully to continue to bully them. Whether it be fear, or apathy, or whatever else.

I absolutely wouldn't care if my child is physically weaker than someone else. Everyone is physically weaker than someone else.

Neither situation is good. But I do feel one is worse than the other. That's the whole point of this thread.

My reasoning is that kids learn from their experiences. So if he tries to address the situation and experiences a negative response, then he might learn not to address the situation.

I dont need the long explanation of your PoV. I already understand what you mean (and I've indicated that clearly tbh). I just disagree with it. I think you're applying adult standards to a child, wrt the victim's possible participation in the bullying.

I strongly disagree with you when you say the traits a bully exhibits aren't bad per sé.

Anyway I'll leave off this debate. You're just repeating yourself and not really trying to get what I'm saying.

Bullchomper

I may be delusional but I can't recall ever being bullied or bullying anyone else. If I was ever picked on it went straight over my head. From what I have seen, a bully and a person who is bullied are one and the same. A bully needs to exert power and belittle someone to overcome their insecurity and a 'victim' of bullying endures the abuse because of their insecurity. I do not think bullying is a sign of a leader, or being bullied is a sign of a sheep. The most successful people I know are diplomatic and respectful and they know how to get the best out of people. I don't have kids but if I did and I found out they were either of these, I would give them lessons on how to deal with people properly.

AudreyHepburn

Having been bullied myself I would be devastated if it happened to my child.

I would be even more devastated to think my child was the bully. And I would be ashamed to think I raised such a child.

bb1234567

Wattle wrote: »

If you met the parents of the child that your son or daughter is bullying would you say this to their face?

Also say his own child was being bullied and he met the parents of his childs bully would he still say he doesnt mind children bullying? I think not...

KamiKazeKitten

I'd be so sad if my child was being bullied of course, but I'd be raging with them if they ever bullied anyone. Just not on.

AudreyHepburn

Robdude wrote: »

I'm not saying bullying is a good thing; it isn't. But there are some underlying traits you find in bullies and in those who get bullied.

I'd much rather have a bully for a son than someone who is getting bullied.

Anyone can get into a fight and lose. I'm not talking about that. But when someone is continuously bullied without taking action, that is a reflection on them as well.

The bully, even though I don't support his actions, he has a lot of positive traits he's just not using appropriately. He might be bigger/stronger than other kids. He might be a natural leader. He might have a stronger personality. Those can all be good, positive things, that lead to a life-long success.

The kid being bullied, well, I'm not saying they are doomed to failure; but the traits they are exhibiting aren't good ones.

Clearly you have never been forced to endure being bullied.

In no way are the actions of a bully to be admired. If you think that then you need to have a good hard look at yourself. Bullies are cowards, nothing more, nothing less.

I have been bullied and it is not simply a matter of telling the bully to stop or standing up for yourself.

I can't adequetly put into words how it feels to have some-one constantly chipping away at your confidence and undermining you. Standing up to them seems like the hardest thing in the world to do, not because you have not got the will or desire to so, but because you are fearful of the recriminations if you do.

But as I am guessing you've never been in that position I would not expect you to understand

HOS 1997

If my child was being bullied I would encourage him/her to fight back as best they can and use whatever means they could. No point telling teachers or speaking to others parents, the only language a bully understands is violence. It's the only way it would stop.

AudreyHepburn

Johnny Foreigner wrote: »

I was both bullied at school, and a bully.
There was an ingrained culture of bullying at my school right from the teachers down to the pupils.
Bullying was seen as a way of toughening children up, and admired by the teachers as natural leadership and strength of character.
I was taught to fight back by my father, and when I was bullied I did so myself.
I then in turn became a bully, and learned about racketeering and intimidation.
Little did I know that later in life these skills would serve me well.
Whether you like it or not, many bullies in life go on to be successful leaders.
There are some positions in life where one needs to take control and lead.
I would not have a problem with my child being bully. I would rather that to them being bullied.
I was always taught to stand up for myself and fight back. It has served me well in life.

Bullying and standing up for yourself are two entirely different things. The former has nothing to do with the latter. It's quite the opposite in fact.

All bullying teaches is that you have put other people down if you want to feel good about yourself.

Ellis Dee

I guess the question is really the same as asking whether you'd prefer your child to be a criminal or a crime victim, a thief or someone who is stolen from. My wife and I always taught our children that bullying was wrong, that bullies must be reported to parents or the school authorities, that giving in to bullies only encouraged them and meant that others would suffer as well, and that bullies usually ended up friendless and, in all probability, eventually in trouble. I think it worked. If they had turned out to be bullies, their mother and I would both feel a deep sense of failure.:)

Lapin

Old Tom wrote: »

Which eye would you prefer to lose - left or right? I'm actually quite attached to both of them, so 50/50 for me.

But that aint how things happen in the real world.

Give a bully a 50/50 choice and he'll take half of each eye.

Conchir

AudreyHepburn wrote: »

Clearly you have never been forced to endure being bullied.

I was just thinking the same thing. I was bullied for about 4 weeks in senior infants, and the one thing I remember most from that experience is the unending fear of the bully, school and, most acutely, the fear of trying to tell someone. I can't understand even now why the thought of telling my teacher or parents filled me with so much fear, but it did. I count the day I finally told my mam as one of the most difficult and important in my life. I just get the feeling you never experienced bullying because if you did you would understand these feelings.

Wattle

HOS 1997 wrote: »

If my child was being bullied I would encourage him/her to fight back as best they can and use whatever means they could. No point telling teachers or speaking to others parents, the only language a bully understands is violence. It's the only way it would stop.

Yeah but what if the child being bullied is physically weaker than the bully? Thta's often why they get picked on in the first place. What if there are a group of bullys? Fighting back might only lead to even worse physical punishment.

There were a group of bullys at the school I went to who used to pick on this one kid and give him an unmerciful time. He went to the principal and told him what was going on. The bullys were all threatened with expulsion and hey ho the bullying stopped.

HOS 1997

Wattle wrote: »

Yeah but what if the child being bullied is physically weaker than the bully? Thta's often why they get picked on in the first place. What if there are a group of bullys? Fighting back might only lead to even worse physical punishment.

There were a group of bullys at the school I went to who used to pick on this one kid and give him an unmerciful time. He went to the principal and told him what was going on. The bullys were all threatened with expulsion and hey ho the bullying stopped.

I would sign the kid up for boxing, martial arts or something along those lines to improve their fighting skills. I would advise them to use a weapon if it got really bad. One thing is for sure, I would not tell them to turn the other cheek as that only leads them to a sore face.

There was chronic bullying in the school where I went (I suffered it myself for a couple of months in second year). Teachers can only do so much, they can stop it in the classroom but not in the yard or outside of school.

I also realise that bullies are generally cowards and if someone they are bullying stands up for themselves they usually stop and move on to someone more defenseless.

Pat Mustard

Wattle wrote: »

Yeah but what if the child being bullied is physically weaker than the bully? Thta's often why they get picked on in the first place. What if there are a group of bullys? Fighting back might only lead to even worse physical punishment.

A kid has to be told by some adult to make it simple for himself. He can't go around worrying whether things will get worse. He has to fight back and stand up for himself properly. From memories in school, the kids who got bullied were the ones who didn't fight back, whether or not the bully had the size advantage.

I don't think that violence comes naturally to many people or many children, so for situations like dealing with physical bullying, I think a kid needs to be taken aside (probably by a parent) and told how he should stand up for himself.

Wattle wrote: »

There were a group of bullys at the school I went to who used to pick on this one kid and give him an unmerciful time. He went to the principal and told him what was going on. The bullys were all threatened with expulsion and hey ho the bullying stopped.

That's not the best solution. The best solution is that the kid stands up for himself. That way he has the tools to deal with other bullies that he may encounter.

pragmatic1

I'd be very pissed off with my kid if he/she was a bully. And to the people saying it would serve them well in later life, it wont. It'll get them into trouble because theres always someone bigger and being an asshole to people will eventually get you a bad beating.

Freddie59

Killer Wench wrote: »

Depends.

The bullying of today ain't like it was when I was growing up.

I was a bully but only to males. Mostly my own cousins, but a few little boys who I used to play with. They never objected. I think the only time they may have cried was when they got struck by a toy on accident. By me. But, I got in trouble for that. Otherwise, they all pretty much adapted to it and our parents let it go because it pretty much is a part of life. There will be natural leaders, natural followers, natural outsiders, and natural instigators. If my kid was the bully in one of these more natural engagements, I wouldn't bothered.

However, if my kid was participating in the online stalking, hallway intimidation, and constant harassment of another student, then there computer would be taken away. They would be removed from school and they would probably have to work their butt off to earn back my respect and trust. If my kid was the subject of such bullying, someone's parents are going to get a knock at their door.

I'm afraid I can't agree with the sentiments which I've bolded above. What you appear to be saying is that physical bullying is OK, but cyber-bullying isn't. Am I correct?

If so, then it is a blatant contradiction which cannot be condoned.

Freddie59

Wattle wrote: »

Yeah but what if the child being bullied is physically weaker than the bully? Thta's often why they get picked on in the first place. What if there are a group of bullys? Fighting back might only lead to even worse physical punishment.

There were a group of bullys at the school I went to who used to pick on this one kid and give him an unmerciful time. He went to the principal and told him what was going on. The bullys were all threatened with expulsion and hey ho the bullying stopped.

That's only one possible - and lucky - outcome.

Our daughter was bullied and ostracised between 1st and 3rd year secondary school. There was a ringleader with a small core of "associates". These in turn kept the rest of the class in line.

It wasn't until one of the well-behaved children plucked up the guts to go to the teacher that it escalated. We played it by the book; contacting the school by letter (as it was then) or phone. The school couldn't deal with it. Bully called in, lectured, etc. Things got terribly worse. Our daughter was surrounded by around 20 or so teenagers in a public toilet. She had to lock herself in a cubicle which was almost kicked to pieces by the time the Gardai got there.

Her mobile phone saved her from what could have been a horrific beating - or worse. I swear, by the time I arrived I was fit to do anything. Believe me.

The problem could be traced back to when the girls moved from primary to secondary school, when some genius had the idea of mixing a well-behaved class with what were essentially louts, thinking the good would rehabilitate the bad.:rolleyes:

The outcome was inevitable. Our daughter, who was very quiet and well-behaved, was targetted. Three years of what can only be described as mental and physical torture ensued. Were it not for the fact that she spoke to us about it (which we always encouraged) I honestly don't know what might have become of her.

She is now a very outgoing, independent, and successful 24 year-old, who we love dearly, and with her whole life ahead of her, thank God. The bully? The exact opposite. So while she was the product of her own environment - unfortunately - this cannot be used as an excuse.

old hippy

I have such wonderful memories of school. Sometimes though, I wonder if I might of improved things a bit by donning shades, long black coat and armed to the teeth sprayed my tormentors with a hail of bullets.