Seven-year old announces he's gay

The King of Moo

Amelia, a blogger for The Huffington Post has recently written about her seven-year old son telling her that he's gay. If the below is TL;DR, that's the important point.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/Amelia/when-your-7-year-old-son-announces-im-gay_b_1277910.html

Considering that my son has a longstanding crush on Glee's Blaine and regularly refers to him as "my boyfriend," I thought there was a fair chance that he would someday say, "I'm gay." But my kid is only 7 years old. I figured I had a few years before we crossed that threshold (if we ever did), probably when he was 14 or 15. I never thought it would happen this soon.

Six months ago "gay" wasn't even a word in my son's vocabulary. He has always known that some of our male friends are married to men and some of our female friends to women, and it is such a normal part of his life that he never needed a special word to describe them. When he did notice the word and asked what it meant, I told him that when boys want to marry boys and girls want to marry girls, we call that "gay." He didn't seem very interested and quickly went off to do something else more exciting than a vocabulary lesson with his mom.

Fast-forward a few months. I was on the phone with a relative who had just discovered that I was blogging on The Huffington Post and openly discussing my son's crush on Blaine. I was in another room alone (I thought), explaining, "We're not saying he's straight, and we're not saying he's gay. We're saying we love who he is," when my son's voice piped up behind me.

"Yes, I am," he said.

"Am what, baby?" I asked.

"Gay. I'm gay."

My world paused for a moment, and I saw the "geez, Mom, didn't you know that already?" look on my son's face.

I got off the phone and leaned down to eye level with him and rubbed my nose against his. "I love you so much."

"I know," he said, and ran off to play with his brothers.

Since that day, any time the word "gay" has come into conversation, he has happily announced to those around him, "I'm gay!" He says this very naturally and happily, the same way he announces other things that he likes about himself. Mention that a person is tall and he'll quickly add, "I'm tall!" If he hears the word "Legos," barely a second passes before he says, "Legos. I love Legos." Saying "I'm gay" is his way of telling people: this is something I like about myself.

It's amazing, but it's also shocking. How many people have a 7-year-old come out to them? A lot of people don't know how to react, and I don't blame them. Before my son, I'd never met a child who came out this young -- and we don't know anyone else who has. The mere idea of children having a sexual orientation makes people uncomfortable. It's something we don't think about (or just don't like to).

But here's the thing: straight children have nothing to announce. Straight is the assumption. No one bats an eye at a little girl with a Justin Bieber poster in her bedroom, or when little girls love playing wedding with little boys every chance they get. If our sexual orientation is simply part of who we are, why wouldn't it be there in our elementary years?

I've heard from countless adults who say they knew that they were gay as young as kindergarten but lacked the language to talk about it. And in most cases, they knew it was something wrong that they should hide. Because gay people are part of my son's everyday life, he has the vocabulary, and it has never occurred to him there is anything wrong with it.

On one occasion after an "I'm gay" announcement, I watched my husband reach out to ruffle our son's hair. "I know, buddy," my husband said to him. "And you're awesome, too." That's how we're handling it. We want him to know we hear him, and that he's wonderful. It feels like the right thing to do, and that's all we have to go by. We don't have any other examples.

We did take a few extra steps. Within a few days we had a quick talk with him about how some people don't like it when people are gay, explaining that those people are wrong. If he hears anyone says anything about being gay like it is something bad, he is to run and get us immediately. We had a brief conversation with his teachers: Our son is identifying as gay. We don't think there's anything wrong with that or with him. And this is the only acceptable opinion on the subject. All his teachers, while surprised, were on board. We learned that he hasn't used that word at school yet, so we'll cross that bridge when the time comes.

I don't think it will always be easy. We don't know what to expect. At this point we aren't looking for trouble, but at the same time we're preparing for it. We know we have a journey ahead of us, just like everyone does. And this is one part of the story of our son and our family.

Do I think this is the last word on his orientation? I don't know. He's 7. Maybe as he gets older he'll tell me something else, but it's just as likely that he won't. But really, that doesn't even matter. What matters is right now. And right now I have a young son who happily announces "I'm gay." And I'm so proud to be his mom.

How do you think you'd react?

I think I might be initially surprised, but I think at such a young age when kids have little sexual awareness, it's not so strange to have same-sex crushes (though I don't recall having any) and they can't really know if they're gay or straight.

If he was getting close to his teenage years and he was still insisting he's gay as much as this kid is insisting, I'd try to make sure he really felt it, and wasn't letting his insistence get in the way of discovering his sexuality for himself. I'd be the same if my son was hitting puberty and kept going on about how straight he was. I'd be suspicious by the level of insistence.

Reading about the parents' reaction in this case though, I am struck by how differently my parents would've reacted if I had told them I was gay when I was seven, and how times have changed (for the better overall, though I can't help but have a slight dislike for a father telling his son he's awesome. But that's mostly my issue with the word "awesome."). They wouldn't have got angry (and if I had turned out to have been gay, they would've been fine with that, though I'm sure it would've taken some time for them to adjust to it) but they would have tried to stop me saying it very quickly. And immediately given me a football and a toy gun, if only because they knew how much hassle a gay person would get!

How do you think you'd react in this situation?

Even if you have no ounce of prejudice in your body, would you still be a bit shocked?

Would you have some kind of talk with your son?

Mr.Crinklewood

Gary Glitter applies to be adoptive parent.

Seachmall

1. Kid watches Glee.
2. Kid mimics popular Glee character.

It's what kids do.

I watched James Bond as a kid and despite what I told my parents I am not, nor was I ever, a fucking spy.

The King of Moo

Seachmall wrote: »

1. Kid watches glee.
2. Kid mimics character.

I watched James Bond as a kid and despite what I told my parents I'm not a fucking spy.

I think that's what happened here.

The kid likes Blaine.
Blaine says he's gay.
The kid says he's gay to be more like Blaine, possibly not knowing what being gay means.

Though I wouldn't let my seven-year old watch Glee.
Not because of the gay characters or characters having sex, but because it's ****e.

Healium

I could've told you that I was gay at 7, maybe even a bit younger. I just didn't know what it was back then, or that it was considered "different"

krudler

does a 7 year old even know what being gay is?

44leto

Some gay people usually know they were gay all their lives. They realise that when they understand what gay is.

But if this kid has a role model in a popular TV series and he realises that I am like them. Then perhaps he would get that realisation earlier.

I don't necessarily think it is a good thing, not because the child is gay, but he knows about sexuality. I barely knew what sex i was when I was a kid, never mind about sex.

Melion

If i had a 7 yr old son who wanted to watch Glee, there would be no doubt in my mind that he was gay.

The King of Moo

Healium wrote: »

I could've told you that I was gay at 7, maybe even a bit younger. I just didn't know what it was back then, or that it was considered "different"

I've heard a few gay people say that. I can't imagine what that would be a like, probably because, as a straight person, I wouldn't have "felt" straight, as that was considered the norm.

I wouldn't have had sexual feelings, but I knew that boys were "supposed to" like girls.

Maybe if I were gay I would've noticed though, like you said.

Originally posted by 44leto
Some gay people usually know they were gay all their lives. They realise that when they understand what gay is.

But if this kid has a role model in a popular TV series and he realises that I am like them. Then perhaps he would get that realisation earlier.

I don't necessarily think it is a good thing, not because the child is gay, but he knows about sexuality. I barely knew what sex i was when I was a kid, never mind about sex.

I wonder if he really does know about it. He might think that being gay just means behaving in a certain way (like Blaine, basically) or he might realise that he likes boys, but in a more proto-romantic way as opposed to in a sexual way. Like the way a straight seven-year old girl would tell you that she's going to marry Justin Bieber.

My daughter has always been what would be considered a "tomboy". When she played games, she chose boys names etc. When she was 3, my husband was asking her would he do for a wedding we were going to. He was in jeans! She said he would, but that he would have to wear a suit for her wedding. He told her that she better marry a nice man then to which she replied "I might marry a woman". My husband just said, yeh, you might, and she turned and walked out of the room.

If my daughter (who is now 7 and sitting here shooting a nerf gun at my walls) actually said the words "I'm a lesbian", yes, I'd be taken aback, but only by the words, not by what it actually means.

Chuck Stone

I think I would have got slapped.

Killer Wench

I don't think it is just the case of a kid mimicking what they have seen on tv. When I was about 7, I had a crush on Jo from the "Facts of Life" and I told my mother that I was going to marry her when I grew up. I think at some basic element, children do learn what they like and they can accept it, but it is parents - in their constant desire to protect and shield their children - that cause people to question their visceral identity.

My name is URL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBmw_dvhnpk

mikemac1

He has always known that some of our male friends are married to men and some of our female friends to women, and it is such a normal part of his life

Could it be argued he sees it around him with his parents friends and then is open to it.

Is it environment or something you are born with?

I don't know, just asking

The King of Moo

mikemac1 wrote: »

Could it be argued he sees it around him with his parents friends and then is open to it.

Is it environment or something you are born with?

I don't know, just asking

It might be that he already has some inkling of his sexual persuasion, and seeing gay couples normalises that for him and makes him willing to express it.

Or it might be that he has no awareness of sex at all and thinks marrying a man would be better than marrying an icky girl!

I think ultimately though, I'd go with the first one. You're born with your sexuality, but your environment can make you more likely to embrace or suppress it.

TeddyTedson

Is he famous or something?

The King of Moo

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Is he famous or something?

Must...not...make...Justin...Bieber...joke...!!!!

Na, though his mother is a blogger with the Huffington Post for what that's worth.

I wonder how he'll feel when he's older and finds out his mother wrote this, regardless of whether he turns out to be gay or straight.

starbelgrade

Is he hawt?

sunflower27

COuld he not just be realising how much special attention he gets from mummy and daddy for saying 'I am gay'?

I have no idea if he is or isn't, but kids come out (excuse pun ) with plenty of things if it gets them attention.

Just throwing that into the mix.

Fromthetrees

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qA4gKJo35fM

MAKES NO SENSE

djk1000

Just read on the journal that there's a 5 year old identifying as trans gender. I think the world has gone mad! Gay, transgender or whatever, it's all cool with me, but I wouldn't trust anything a kid tells me about their gender or sexuality until puberty. I mean, I'd find it strange for a 7 year old boy to say he likes girls!

44leto

djk1000 wrote: »

Just read on the journal that there's a 5 year old identifying as trans gender. I think the world has gone mad! Gay, transgender or whatever, it's all cool with me, but I wouldn't trust anything a kid tells me about their gender or sexuality until puberty. I mean, I'd find it strange for a 7 year old boy to say he likes girls!

And that is what I find strange, I think its fair to say that us men hated girls till puberty, then we just hated our parents instead.

Chuck Stone

My 7 year old nephew said he could fly so I took him to the top floor of a multi story car park and asked him to prove it.

44leto

Chuck Stone wrote: »

My 7 year old nephew said he could fly so I took him to the top floor of a multi story car park and asked him to prove it.

And I take it, its lucky for him he didn't.

phasers

Do seven year olds actually notice other boys and girls in that way?

phill106

Seachmall wrote: »

1. Kid watches Glee.
2. Kid mimics popular Glee character.

It's what kids do.

I watched James Bond as a kid and despite what I told my parents I am not, nor was I ever, a fucking spy.

Not a spy eh...Sounds exactly like something a spy would say!

starbelgrade

Chuck Stone wrote: »

My 7 year old nephew said he could fly so I took him to the top floor of a multi story car park and asked him to prove it.

My 7 year old nephew said he was bulletproof, so I shot him in the head.

Turns out he was wrong. Stupid kid.

Logical Fallacy

He's only 7, he has no idea if he is gay or not and he has no idea what sex actually is.

The mother is a ****ing idiot.

efb

I'd a fair idea when I was 7

Daisy M

Just because my children when they were that age talked about marrying someone from the opposite sex it didnt mean I was or am 100% sure that they are straight.
Maybe the 7 year old lad is gay but you dont hear 7 yr olds going around saying they are straight so I dont think the topic of his sexuality is one that should be discussed by him with everyone he knows. I am not saying I would stop him saying he was gay maybe more that I would try and allow not to label himself at a young age. So many people grow up assuming they are straight then spend years in denial or trying to be straight or change themselves.

My name is URL

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

He's only 7, he has no idea if he is gay or not and he has no idea what sex actually is.

The mother is a ****ing idiot.

At 7; most kids would have a handle on their own sexuality and a basic understanding of gender differences, whether they know about sex or not.

sunflower27

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

He's only 7, he has no idea if he is gay or not and he has no idea what sex actually is.

The mother is a ****ing idiot.

Mummy is no doubt going to cash in on the exposure... you can just see her now doing all the Talk shows over there.

Whether the kid is gay is by the by (aghhhhh, pun again), why should she be advertising it to the whole world? Surely it is his business.

orchidsrpretty

Can't remember what it was like to be seven, but for people who can or have kids do they fancy anyone at that age?
If not how would he know?

Logical Fallacy

My name is URL wrote: »

At 7; most kids would have a handle on their own sexuality and a basic understanding of gender differences, whether they know about sex or not.

Not really, most 7 year olds would be aware that girls and boys are different, but not really how or why. "A basic understanding of gender differences"...gerrowadat. Gender identity absolute, and from even younger...differences are still a long way off.

Also, the kid is saying it's gay, in that it wants to sex up other boys. So if you admit the child wouldn't know about sex then.......

sunflower27 wrote: »

Mummy is no doubt going to cash in on the exposure... you can just see her now doing all the Talk shows over there.

Whether the kid is gay is by the by (aghhhhh, pun again), why should she be advertising it to the whole world? Surely it is his business.

I also think Mammy is just being too accommodating. If my newphew said to me "Uncle Logical, I'm gay"...i'd ask him to explain what gay meant. Take it from there.

The King of Moo

sunflower27 wrote: »

Mummy is no doubt going to cash in on the exposure... you can just see her now doing all the Talk shows over there.

Whether the kid is gay is by the by (aghhhhh, pun again), why should she be advertising it to the whole world? Surely it is his business.

There was a part of me, while reading the story, that couldn't help thinking one of her main motivations for writing it was to say "Look at me! I'm such a great, liberal modern parent who embraces her son's probable homosexuality! Aren't I great? Give me attention!"

keepkeyyellow

I knew I was gay since I was 11 and had a barbie and a play kitchen when I was even younger and I'm far from confused. And for the love of god will people stop asking gay guys would they ever try it out just to be sure, I don't go around asking straight guys to try it up the chuff to see if they might like it...

sunflower27

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

Not really, most 7 year olds would be aware that girls and boys are different, but not really how or why. "A basic understanding of gender differences"...gerrowadat.

Also, the kid is saying it's gay, in that it wants to sex up other boys. So if you admit the child wouldn't know about sex then.......



I also think Mammy is just being too accommodating. If my newphew said to me "Uncle Logical, I'm gay"...i'd ask him to explain what gay meant. Take it from there.

Yes, most definitely. Heaven help the lad if he decides to tell mommy about a new 'girlfriend' in the next few years.:P

End of the book deal there :P

Killer Wench

The King of Moo wrote: »

There was a part of me, while reading the story, that couldn't help thinking one of her main motivations for writing it was to say "Look at me! I'm such a great, liberal modern parent who embraces her son's probable homosexuality! Aren't I great? Give me attention!"

And that would be bad?

I'm amazed that so many people on this board pour over so many American news outlets but I am not sure how much you have read about the string of suicides happening across America by kids being teased and rejected because they were different. A ten year old girl who lived in a small town just five minutes away from my hometown committed suicide because the kids at school called her fat and ugly. There was another recent story of a gay college student whose roommate videotaped him having sex with another student and then posted it on an amateur porn site. He jumped off from a bridge.

In this age where kids are nitpicked by their peers and feel that they should hide who they are in order to conform and hide in plain site, I think it is a good thing to have a young child know from the beginning that no matter who he is and who he loves, his parents are going to love and accept him.

starbelgrade

Killer Wench wrote: »

A ten year old girl who lived in a small town just five minutes away from my hometown committed suicide because the kids at school called her fat and ugly. There was another recent story of a gay college student whose roommate videotaped him having sex with another student and then posted it on an amateur porn site. He jumped off from a bridge.

It's not just America either - In France a skinny man died of a big disease with a little name. By chance his girlfriend came across a needle and soon she did the same.

sunflower27

Killer Wench wrote: »

And that would be bad?

I'm amazed that so many people on this board pour over so many American news outlets but I am not sure how much you have read about the string of suicides happening across America by kids being teased and rejected because they were different. A ten year old girl who lived in a small town just five minutes away from my hometown committed suicide because the kids at school called her fat and ugly. There was another recent story of a gay college student whose roommate videotaped him having sex with another student and then posted it on an amateur porn site. He jumped off from a bridge.

In this age where kids are nitpicked by their peers and feel that they should hide who they are in order to conform and hide in plain site, I think it is a good thing to have a young child know from the beginning that no matter who he is and who he loves, his parents are going to love and accept him.

I don't think that anyone is against the parents being understanding and loving, but broadcasting this to the world. Does that not make him more of a target for bullies?

starbelgrade

sunflower27 wrote: »

I don't think that anyone is against the parents being understanding and loving, but broadcasting this to the world. Does that not make him more of a target for bullies?

Only if his 7 year old mates read blogs.

The King of Moo

Killer Wench wrote: »

And that would be bad?

I'm amazed that so many people on this board pour over so many American news outlets but I am not sure how much you have read about the string of suicides happening across America by kids being teased and rejected because they were different. A ten year old girl who lived in a small town just five minutes away from my hometown committed suicide because the kids at school called her fat and ugly. There was another recent story of a gay college student whose roommate videotaped him having sex with another student and then posted it on an amateur porn site. He jumped off from a bridge.

In this age where kids are nitpicked by their peers and feel that they should hide who they are in order to conform and hide in plain site, I think it is a good thing to have a young child know from the beginning that no matter who he is and who he loves, his parents are going to love and accept him.

Of course I don't have a problem with a parent accepting their child's sexuality.
I'm not sure how you inferred that.

What I would find a little unpalatable but not a big deal is a parent using their child's sexuality to gain attention for themselves and make themselves look good: ie focusing on themselves, not the child.

I'm not saying that was definitely her motivation: as I said, there was just a little voice in my head while I was reading it suggesting that she might be boasting a bit intentionally or otherwise.

My name is URL

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

Not really, most 7 year olds would be aware that girls and boys are different, but not really how or why. "A basic understanding of gender differences"...gerrowadat.

Also, the kid is saying it's gay, in that it wants to sex up other boys. So if you admit the child wouldn't know about sex then.......

You're looking at it from a better vantage point, being an adult and able to differentiate the many aspects that make up human sexuality etc. Sexual contact, or the desire to have sexual contact is only one aspect of that, though.

Kids do have an understanding of sexuality, even if they don't have the full book of stickers on the subject. You don't just automatically waken up some day and 'come out' as a straight person. It's assumed within the contextual norms that society creates. It shouldn't come as any surprise that kids who are or may be gay realise that some of those norms don't quite sit well with them, and say something about it. Of course, they may not know fully what being gay* means.

*hey, even the word 'gay' is one that was created and overly sexualised by adults, it doesn't and can't apply to the understanding of sexual development, so in a roundabout way I guess I'm sort of agreeing with you =p

starbelgrade

The King of Moo wrote: »

there was just a little voice in my head while I was reading it suggesting that she might be boasting a bit intentionally or otherwise.

I bet you read it in a Carry Bradshaw voice.

BunShopVoyeur

sunflower27

starbelgrade wrote: »

Only if his 7 year old mates read blogs.

Considering it is all over the Web, I imagine it's not just his friends that will know.

doomed

FFS he's 7.

His so called coming out is as relevant as his current preference for peanut butter.

El Weirdo

My name is URL wrote: »

Kids do have an understanding of sexuality, even if they don't have the full book of stickers on the subject.

Got... got... got... got... need... got... got... need... need... got... got... got... got... got... oh badly need!

Jane Eyre

I think those parents have done exactly the right thing. My gay friend knew she was gay from about age 5 and if her parents had handled it like them, she would be a much happier person today.

It's fantastic that the little fella has a word to describe who he is at such a young age. And that the word does not have negative connotations for him.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Now if all parents handled it that way the world would be an infinitely better place.

sunflower27

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Now if all parents handled it that way the world would be an infinitely better place.

And the story wouldn't make the news either.