Best Lines you've used?

Hoggy1000

Alrite Boardsies...

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about hilarious conversation starters people have used to introduce themselves to people.
So I wanna know whats the best chat-up line you've used on a Man or Woman that has either charmed the pants off of them or completly made you look like an idiot in front of everyone.

I'm sure this has been done before and yada yada yada, I'd love to hear peoples best moments

kryogen

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Ive got a knife
Now get in the ****in van

Lumbo

Pics or GTFO

drunkmonkey

Was asked at a wedding how old I was.

Replied with: "Why don't you come outside and count the rings on my trunk to find out"

It worked instantly.

Shield

Arresting someone one time, I got the standard "Don't forget I'm paying your wages" to which I retorted "...and now I'm earning it!"

Hasmunch

Does this chloroform smell funny to you?

SafeSurfer

Would you like to share a bottle of champagne and some coke?

Hoggy1000

There's some good ones out there

Best one I ever saw/heard... we were in a nightclub inside in Cork City, and a friend goes how much would you give me if I went up to this absolute beaut and get off with her. Being a betting man, i was up for it and through a fiver on it that he couldnt...

So as he likes to tell the story, He danced up to her... giving it socks and shouts "FAT PENGUIN". Now you could see the anger in this girls eyes as she turns around and glares at him. So he shouts it again, and which she replys to him.. "F*** off you Kn0b!" ... My Friend says "Oh sorry love, I was just trying to think of something to break the ice". .... In fairness, the girl smiled, and by the end of the night, he had her number.

What a cheesy F***ing line

harvester of sorrow

Whats your number?
works for me anyway:cool:

Run_to_da_hills

You haven't even got the intelligence to be stupid.

harney

Chatting to two German girls in Munich years ago. One leaned over to say something to the other and I noticed a tramp stamp........


<me> Oh, you have a tattoo
<cute German girl> yes, would you like to see it * and starts to lean over*
<me> No, it's OK I'll check it out in the ceiling mirror in my hotel later....

Silence


Silence


Silence


Silence

Cute German girl pisses herself laughing and translates to her friend.

Alas, the imagined ceiling mirror never got a look in :-(

Jimmy Iovine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PRDi9PCPz0

Bodhisopha

asl?

gcgirl

kryogen wrote: »

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Ive got a knife
Now get in the ****in van

You so stole larrys line

Babybuff

coffee's not red
milk isn't blue
do you take sugar..?
one lump or two?


ok no.

Red21

George Clooney is only a light switch away

paddy kerins

I don't want to get you drunk, but that's a very fine Chardonay you're not drinking

EarlieBird

harvester of sorrow wrote: »

Whats your number?
works for me anyway:cool:

absolute bant

johnny_cash

I was in the takeaway with a couple of lads after the nightclub.One of the lads wals up to a girl.

Mate: can i smell your feet
Girl : no
Mate : it must be your fanny so

She didn't think it was very funny but the rest of us nearly died laughing

Deus Ex Machina

"I'll COME UP YOUR HOLE!!!! I'LL CUM UP YOUR FUCKING HOLE LOVE!!!"

seanybiker

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

You haven't even got the intelligence to be stupid.

I don't get it








I do get it before someone tries explain it

TanG411

I have a PhD.

A PRETTY HUGE DICK.

(I got it from Friends).

policarp

Do you cum here often?

Kojak

How do you feel about Robert Mugabe?

Haven't had much success with it yet, but when I do.......

SafeSurfer

Get your guide dog, you've pulled.

biko

I'm really drunk, can you help me home?

kincsem

Hello, I'm a billionaire.

source

Never a big one for chat up lines.

But was out one night and one of the lads approached a girl and used the magic watch line.

you know.....My magic watch says you're not wearing any uinderwear.........I am......must be running fast then!!!

Only he managed to pull her by walking up and just saying magic watch....it was bloody spectacular.

harvester of sorrow

EarlieBird wrote: »

absolute bant

meh,if you say so.

Julie London

I once spotted a gorgeous man in a pub in Dublin. He was exactly my type , 6 foot 5, dark and yum. anyway Im fairly confident girl, so i wrote my number on a piece of paper and signed it princess. walked up tapped him on the back and handed it to him and just sauntered off looking behind me and locking eyes with him the whole time.
I left the pub then to go onto a nightclub. An hour later he phoned asking for princess and asked could he join me. So he came to the club. We dated for a few months. He said he had never been approached like that by a girl and thought it was a huge turn on.

summerskin

Julie London wrote: »

I once spotted a gorgeous man in a pub in Dublin. He was exactly my type , 6 foot 5, dark and yum. anyway Im fairly confident girl, so i wrote my number on a piece of paper and signed it princess. walked up tapped him on the back and handed it to him and just sauntered off looking behind me and locking eyes with him the whole time.
I left the pub then to go onto a nightclub. An hour later he phoned asking for princess and asked could he join me. So he came to the club. We dated for a few months. He said he had never been approached like that by a girl and thought it was a huge turn on.

tune in next week for more made up stories that sound like plot-lines from chick-lit novels!!

Julie London

summerskin wrote: »

tune in next week for more made up stories that sound like plot-lines from chick-lit novels!!

Sorry you doubt me but thats 100% true.
I also fell in love and got married to a man i was dating for 6 months, in Las vegas. Sounds like a crap movie plot too. But its my life.

summerskin

Julie London wrote: »

Sorry you doubt me but thats 100% true.
I also fell in love and got married to a man i was dating for 6 months, in Las vegas. Sounds like a crap movie plot too. But its my life.

...starring Kate Hudson as Julie London and Matthew McConaughey as Mr. Right... it's "How to relaunch a guy in 10 honeymoons from Vegas-wars"

Julie London

give me 5 minutes with you, love, and you'll have a face like a painter's radio.

speaking of chat up lines, summerskin clearly you have the talent for it. Way more appealing than my approach. Do the girls fall all over themselves?:D

summerskin

Julie London wrote: »

speaking of chat up lines, summerskin clearly you have the talent for it. Way more appealing than my approach. Do the girls fall all over themselves?:D

Until the rohypnol wears off, yes.

rubber duk

A friend of mine who wasn't that tall went up to this girl one night who was a good bit taller than him and said, hey love I thought your mother told you not to be long. Worked a charm for him!

4zn76tysfajdxp

Julie London wrote: »

I once spotted a gorgeous man in a pub in Dublin.

Lies.

Deus Ex Machina

Julie London wrote: »

I once spotted a gorgeous man in a pub in Dublin. He was exactly my type , 6 foot 5, dark and yum. anyway Im fairly confident girl, so i wrote my number on a piece of paper and signed it princess. walked up tapped him on the back and handed it to him and just sauntered off looking behind me and locking eyes with him the whole time.
I left the pub then to go onto a nightclub. An hour later he phoned asking for princess and asked could he join me. So he came to the club. We dated for a few months. He said he had never been approached like that by a girl and thought it was a huge turn on.

Kept waiting for the self deprecation required to balance out the roaring egoism at the start of the post. It never came....sigh.

Julie London

I was once approached with this line from a man at a bar (I was wearing a red hooded coat)
Your little, and you red, but are you riding?
Summerskin calm down! its the truth

Julie London

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Kept waiting for the self deprecation required to balance out the roaring egoism at the start of the post. It never came....sigh.

I cant help it if i have an ego. I love me. nothing wrong with that

Deus Ex Machina

Julie London wrote: »

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Kept waiting for the self deprecation required to balance out the roaring egoism at the start of the post. It never came....sigh.

I cant help it if i have an ego. I love me. nothing wrong with that

.....sigh.

MIRMIR82

My aunt was being chatted up one night in Dublin by this ponce - anyway they ended up arguing about some political thing or other and when ur man couldnt get the better of my aunt he said 'do you know i have 12 letters after my name?' to which she replied 'yes the last 5 are P-R-I-C-K'
I thought it was hilarious anyway:D

Oh also __________________________ - thats the best line i ever used!

AngryBollix

Alright love, Hows your gee?

p to the e

"You smell like my grandma"

Also probably my favourite from Zap Brannigan - "If I said you had a beautiful body.... would you go to bed with me?"

AngryBollix

Julie London wrote: »

I once spotted a gorgeous man in a pub in Dublin. He was exactly my type , 6 foot 5, dark and yum. anyway Im fairly confident girl, so i wrote my number on a piece of paper and signed it princess. walked up tapped him on the back and handed it to him and just sauntered off looking behind me and locking eyes with him the whole time.
I left the pub then to go onto a nightclub. An hour later he phoned asking for princess and asked could he join me. So he came to the club. We dated for a few months. He said he had never been approached like that by a girl and thought it was a huge turn on.

Did you suck him off in the toilets after you vomited from the booze and coke?

TheBunk1

Get my coat, you've pulled a chauvinist.

dancesatnight

lets not turn this rape in to a murder

id crawl though a mile of broken glass just to W£$k in your shadow

you know how i know im getting sex later..... coz im stronger then you

ciarang85

mate: do you want to play pearl harbour?

girl: how do you play that?

mate: i lie down and you blow the shít out of me

Nothingbetter2d

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Was asked at a wedding how old I was.

Replied with: "Why don't you come outside and count the rings on my trunk to find out"

It worked instantly.

you tattoo'd rings on your "trunk"? didnt it hurt?

Scanlas The 2nd

I walked over and said to a girl "I remember you from playschool....you stole my crayons". Had sex with her a few hours later.

Another time I walked over to a girl and said "I love chocolate", we ended up kissing about 10 minutes later then I excused myself and left.

I've said hundreds of arbitrary openers over the years, whatever I feel amuses me in the moment.

xsiborg

ohh many many years ago, met a girl in a club, went up to her-

me: "hello"
her: "i have a boyfriend"
me: "ah that's cool, so have i..."

cue some strange looks before she copped, and the idea of being a fag-hag nearly sent her into convulsions of excitement!

her: ohhh!
me: fancy a drink?

the next part went something like this-

next morning-

her: so?
me: damn you're good!