Women having "running away money"

lazygal

I read about this on another forum and wondered what the loungers thought about it. For those who don't know the concept, its (usually) married women having a secret stash of money their husbands don't know about, for a rainy day or in case of emergency. There was a documentary on Radio 4 about it ages ago: http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/womanshour/04/2010_11_fri.shtml


Its an interesting idea. Would many women think its a good idea or should couples share all financial information? Would you be annoyed if your partner had a secret account or do you have once yourself? Is it right ot keep it secret or just pragmatic?

Posy

If I ever got married, I don't see myself having all my money in a joint account.
I would have to have some financial independence. I wouldn't call it 'running away money' though! :eek:

anamaria

I have heard of this before. I personally know two women who had to use their 'running away money' for just that purpose. While I don't like the idea of having secret accounts and all that I think it is important to have a small measure of financial independance for yourself. I would rather think of it as an emergency/rainy day fund than 'running away money'

baby and crumble

There was a thread on this somewhere a while ago. Possibly the Gentlemens Club.

I personally think everyone should be sensible in life and not completely combine all their assets and money. I have no idea why some people only have one giant account for everything- I think that's horribly unfair, and not very sensible. Having to get your OH's permission to buy something for yourself, that's just ludicrous, as is you treating someone else's money as your own.

I think the best method of organising finances when you're a couple is a private current account each then a joint for all the joint expenses, like rent/mortgage/ groceries/bills. Each person is accountable for making sure the money to cover their share of bills goes in, and then the rest of their money is their own- if they want to squirrel it away, go on ahead, or likewise if you want to blow it every month on xbox games or shoes.

I do agree though that you should possibly have enough money to leave and support yourself for a little while if needs be, or just to support yourself should anything horrible happen. People stay in abusive relationships because they don't have the means to support themselves away from the abusive partner. that's not ok.

I think if your even just living with some. Both people should have a "get out now" fund. In case it all goes belly up.

Once all the mutual expenses were covered. I wouldn't want any say in an husband/partners finances. Unless that had some kind problem that left them incapable of managing their own cash. It is one less topic to fall out over.

southsiderosie

baby and crumble wrote: »

I do agree though that you should possibly have enough money to leave and support yourself for a little while if needs be, or just to support yourself should anything horrible happen. People stay in abusive relationships because they don't have the means to support themselves away from the abusive partner. that's not ok.

While I generally agree about joint accounts, I think part of the problem with the above is that if a woman is in an abusive relationship, generally the partner is very controlling, so it is difficult to set that kind of money aside. Unfortunately I have seen this play out in real life: a very good friend of mine was (is) in an abusive relationship, but with two small kids and a mortgage, couldn't see a financial way out. When her grandmother died, the friend received a small inheritance, which her husband then insisted she put into buying a small business...so now she is even more financially bound to this relationship.

carolinespring

We have a joint bank account for everyday living. Bills, food, work clothes, holidays etc. All the everyday living stuff. Both our wages are paid into this.

We also have a joint savings account a fixed amount goes into this each month from our joint account, and then we each have our own personal bank account.Again we have a set amount that comes by DD from our day to day account into our own accounts each month. This is our own fun money.

I also have a credit union accout that has about 20.000 in it from my single days and also my SSIA is still in my old savings account untouched. Only for the simple reason I never go round to moving them to our joint savings account.

meganj

For me it's more about being financially independent then stashing money away in case my partner turns overnight into an abusive arsehole (although I can understand it).

My Mother's Father died when she was in her teens and her Mother was totally financially dependent on her husband, to the point that she had no idea of how to run a house on cash (before he died she'd go to the butcher and put it on credit he'd then pay it off). Seeing her own Mother go through it made my Mother lean very heavily on the side of 'you're responsible for your own financial security'.

My OH and I have a joint account that we out a flat rate into each month (usually about 1/4-1/3) of our wages and then we pay the bills/rent/food out of it and use the left over money for holidays and such. But I still have my own money Having to ask my OH for money for something would physically pain me, although having spent a year unemployed previously, I have done it. But if we had all our money in the one account I'd feel really stupid buying makeup out of it.

Sure he already complains about the shampoo and conditioner.. Although the price of those fecking mac razor blades are ridiculous.. especially as he has a beard /rant

Morag

Isn't that why women get expensive engagement rings?
So if things go badly enough they can flog it and use the money to get away?

Acoshla

Meh, I'm the only one in this house with any savings so I'll be grand if I need to run

seamus

In this day and age I'd be of the opinion that if someone has money saved away, "Just in case it goes belly up", then that's not saying much for how they feel about the relationship. It's like a pre-nup in my eyes. If you feel you need one, then maybe you should question whether you should be in the relationship at all.

Jemmy

I think no matter how commited and happy I am with someone I would keep a little aside as I would expect them to aswell, even if it went towards joint holidays or pressie at christmas & the likes.

MissFlitworth

Coming at it from the point of view of a family where there are lots & lots of people with addiction issues and where I have seen people suffer because of a relationship with someone who was either hiding an issue or in control of it when they got married and later fell apart I would never, ever, ever pool all my resources with another person. I have a family member who is currently trying to extricate themselves from a situation in which they pooled all their money with a partner (into the partners account <groan>) who then moved it into accounts they couldn't access and turned out to be a huge alcoholic. That won't ever happen to me.

It wouldn't be 'running away' money as such but I do think that no matter how much you love or trust someone you have to be responsible for your own future wellbeing. People can change, become mentally unwell or suffer from anxiety or addiction issues that aren't always apparent when you first meet them and that a pooled account for joint expenses and entirely seperate accounts for income to go into are the only way forward for me.

baby and crumble

seamus wrote: »

In this day and age I'd be of the opinion that if someone has money saved away, "Just in case it goes belly up", then that's not saying much for how they feel about the relationship. It's like a pre-nup in my eyes. If you feel you need one, then maybe you should question whether you should be in the relationship at all.

I think not to have your own financial independence because you're in love with someone is naive in the extreme. It's nothing about not being in love, it's being in control of your own life. You have no idea how fast mental health problems can take hold, alcoholism can become a factor, anything and everything can happen to a person. Personalities change. I have personal experience of the nicest person you could imagine developing mental health problems and becoming abusive and controlling. Nobody can promise to never change. Nobody can predict the future.

southsiderosie

seamus wrote: »

In this day and age I'd be of the opinion that if someone has money saved away, "Just in case it goes belly up", then that's not saying much for how they feel about the relationship. It's like a pre-nup in my eyes. If you feel you need one, then maybe you should question whether you should be in the relationship at all.

I think it depends on the relationship. With the aforementioned friend in the abusive relationship, when her husband walked out on her and the kids, she didn't even have enough money to hire a divorce attorney, and had no idea how she was going to pay her mortgage. Given all of the warning signs, I think it would have been prudent for her to quietly put some money aside, especially since there were children involved. Even $25 a week over the last 2-3 years would have helped.

Also, traditionally in households where money was tight and women managed the finances, having a quietly kept 'rainy day fund' was a pretty common practice, especially in times where a lot of people did not have life or unemployment insurance.

Thoie

seamus wrote: »

In this day and age I'd be of the opinion that if someone has money saved away, "Just in case it goes belly up", then that's not saying much for how they feel about the relationship. It's like a pre-nup in my eyes. If you feel you need one, then maybe you should question whether you should be in the relationship at all.

I'd certainly try to have some savings - not necessarily in case things go belly up, but in case I need to change my car, or to help out my family in an emergency. I'd expect him to have the same. It wouldn't be a secret, but there'd be my savings, his savings and our savings. Our savings can buy a new sofa, my savings can buy me a new laptop, his savings can buy him whatever he wants.

seamus

seamus wrote: »

In this day and age I'd be of the opinion that if someone has money saved away, "Just in case it goes belly up", then that's not saying much for how they feel about the relationship. It's like a pre-nup in my eyes. If you feel you need one, then maybe you should question whether you should be in the relationship at all.

You think that you need to be blindly optimistic for a relationship to be working?


I don't think being prepared for all eventualities makes any kind of comment on the status of relationship.
In fact I think a pre nup, shows that your going into a marriage. With an intention to respect the other persons best interests. For better or worse.

ElleEm

I would never share an account with my partner. We have a joint account for rent and bills but everything after that is our own.
I would hate to feel like we had to explain purchases or withdrawals to each other.
We manage money differently too, so if we shared an account I could see our spending habits causing trouble!!

Ickle Magoo

carolinespring wrote: »

We have a joint bank account for everyday living. Bills, food, work clothes, holidays etc. All the everyday living stuff. Both our wages are paid into this.

We also have a joint savings account a fixed amount goes into this each month from our joint account, and then we each have our own personal bank account.Again we have a set amount that comes by DD from our day to day account into our own accounts each month. This is our own fun money

Same.

Though I'd have to add even as a complete pragmatist if I ever felt I needed to start squirrelling money away so I could leave my husband at a run, I would just consider it a lost cause then and there and start divorce proceedings immediately.

I also think he'd be more than a little insulted that I considered him such a threat and thought he'd wish to stay married to me against my will and forcibly if needs be that I actually required a secret fund to get away from him. In reality he's the kind of guy who would gladly but sadly give me all the money I needed to leave if that's what I wanted to do...that's why I married him.

FayeRayRay

My Mum has always mentioned her "running away money" not in the context of literally running away but emergency money in case she needed a large sum at once. I myself in recent years have started my own little account that is just for me which I save in. I'm young and have seen young women get pregnant and encounter difficult situations and have been broke at least if something did happen I would have my own little stash there and it gives me a small sense of security.

Sweetpea101

I don't imagine for a second ever needing "running away money" but me and the hubbie have our joint account for the bills and stuff, a joint savings account, but we also have our own money and our own savings. In the past we have used my savings and we have used his savings but we still have them in our own names! It's a good idea to have your own money - our spending habits are very different and may lead to arguments if we were to join everything together! The "running away" phrase is one I've heard more commonly among women my mam's age - fifty/sixty somethings!!

Morag

Easy to talk about having your own money if you are still working outside of the home.
It's a different kettle of fish when you've been a stay at home parent for 5 + years with 2 or more kids.

Stheno

seamus wrote: »

In this day and age I'd be of the opinion that if someone has money saved away, "Just in case it goes belly up", then that's not saying much for how they feel about the relationship. It's like a pre-nup in my eyes. If you feel you need one, then maybe you should question whether you should be in the relationship at all.

You've obviously never been on the wrong end of the spousal maintenance laws in this country.

I'll never ever again put all my money in a giant shared account and trust a partner to talk to me and understand where we are financially.

I'll share bills proportionate to income etc and contribute appropriately, but my earnings and my money are mine, once I've covered my obligations, it's no one else's business.

I can well understand people keeping finances seperate/having running away money (never had to use running away money) from personal experience of joint financial sharing.

Jack B. Badd

We have a joint account for regular joint expenses (rent, bills, etc). We both get our wages paid into our individual account & then transfer an agreed monthly amount to the joint account. Savings are separate (I guess this qualifies as "running away money"). Ad-hoc joint expenses (holidays, new TV, whatever) are paid for by one and the other pays back half of it.

We have no intention of getting married and no intention to integrate our finances any further than the current arrangement (which works well). I don't buy the "if you love someone you share everything" attitude. It seems remarkably naive to me. I think having sufficient money independent of your partner (or a pre-nup if your country acknowledges it) is sensible. It may lack romance but I'd prefer to be practical about these things. That said, I have no intention of giving up work long-term and have (I hope) sufficient cover in place if ill health forced me to do so. So I'm probably not the target audience for the concept.

LittleBook

Sharrow wrote: »

Easy to talk about having your own money if you are still working outside of the home.
It's a different kettle of fish when you've been a stay at home parent for 5 + years with 2 or more kids.

This is where the whole idea stems from, the phrase itself comes from an age where women in a marriage had absolutely no financial independance and very little legal protection ... possibly even entered marriages that weren't 100% their choice.

It's much less relevant these days, apart from maybe a situation where a woman literally does have to save up to run away (i.e. an abusive relationship).

Where possible, everyone (male and female) should retain some financial independance in a relationship and, let's face it, (abusive relationships aside) if the proverbial really does hit the fan, nowadays women are more likely to retain the house and are entitled to financial support after the break-up of a marriage.

40 odd years ago my aunt met and fell in love with an English man, married him and moved to England. Although she loved him deeply, she hated living in England and being away from her family, so she started saving up her (as she called it) "running away money" ... just in case. She never needed it, never used it (not for running away anyway) but it was very important to her at the time.

seamus

baby and crumble wrote: »

I think not to have your own financial independence because you're in love with someone is naive in the extreme.

Moonbaby wrote: »

You think that you need to be blindly optimistic for a relationship to be working?

Naive and blindly optimistic would be wrong.

Optimistic, yes. I'm far more certain that my marriage will last than it won't. As close as I can be to "completely certain". But I'm not blind to the possibility that something may go wrong further down the road. I just don't see any necessity to maintain a fund for it in the same way that I don't see any need to buy earthquake insurance.

At the end of the day if my marriage failed I wouldn't care less about piddly possessions and earnings. My marriage is more important than all that. Even if my wife had a complete personality transplant and decided that she wanted sole possession of the house, I wouldn't be excessively concerned about starting "at the bottom" with no money and no savings. I have friends and family would take me in until I got back on my feet, and holding onto whatever I've accumulated isn't that big a deal for me.

It'd be stressful, absolutely. But I don't fear having everything taken from me to the point that I feel I need to squirrell money away. I can always start again.

The insurance analogy is probably best how to describe my attitude towards this "running away money" and pre-nups. I buy insurance for things which I feel have a good chance of happening - car crashes, house theft, house fire. I don't buy insurance for things which have an outside chance of occuring; volcanos, earthquakes, meteors. If I felt that a relationship was unstable enough to require insurance, then I wouldn't enter into the marriage in the first place.

Ickle Magoo

Sharrow wrote: »

Easy to talk about having your own money if you are still working outside of the home.
It's a different kettle of fish when you've been a stay at home parent for 5 + years with 2 or more kids.

It's not though - I've been a stay at home parent & I have 2 kids!

I can understand the phrase and the idea from the days when you didn't really know who you were marrying and divorce or women funding themselves wasn't really an option but in this day and age I'd be asking what the hell someone is doing with a guy they think is so psychotic they have to start secretly squirrelling money away in order to fund their sudden departure because rather than accepting a break up their partner would hold them hostage! :eek:

carolinespring

Maybe I have a rose tinted view but I believe my marrage will work and last until one of us dies. When we decided to get married we talked over everything, money, kids, dreams,money, our life together and it was a marrage we wanted and not just a wedding.

I like the having most of our money in a shared account. Yes, it nice to have a bit of "fun" money for clothes, shoes and to buy my husband gifts without him knowing how much they cost!

I totally share my life with this man and we know each other so well that I know if anything did go wrong we would be adult about it and deal with it with out fear of each other "taking" the joint money.

After all I share my dreams, hopes, life and body with this man, why would I not share my money.

I have friends who never in a million years would have joint accounts for anything. One says that she feels marrages have a shelf life of 10 years, another that she thinks at some stage they will split. Those two I wonder why they married at all, I have no douth they do love the husbands but I could never go in my marrage thinking like that. Others simply feel no need for a joint account. If its not broken why fix it.

I do sometimes look at the statement and think what did he get that for in the same way that my husband thinks not another bag or pair of shoes, at the end of the day we both pull our weight and are both happy to pool our money and enjoy seeing each other treat ourself.

Then I have the friend who just have a joint account and feel no need for one of there own. So what if he knows how much the jumper you got him for Christmas cost. Thats fine as well and works for them.

If thats how they want to managed money, good on them. Not for me I love the feeling of trust and sharing. Whats mine is his and what is his is mine. Everyone handles money different.

The term running away money fills me with dread, I could not be part of a couple that feels I might need escape money. Savings are very important but for the rainy day as a couple. As I said I have no issue with how others handle money and what works for one might not work for the next couple.

Kash

baby and crumble wrote: »

I think the best method of organising finances when you're a couple is a private current account each then a joint for all the joint expenses, like rent/mortgage/ groceries/bills. Each person is accountable for making sure the money to cover their share of bills goes in, and then the rest of their money is their own- if they want to squirrel it away, go on ahead, or likewise if you want to blow it every month on xbox games or shoes.

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

We have a joint account for regular joint expenses (rent, bills, etc). We both get our wages paid into our individual account & then transfer an agreed monthly amount to the joint account. Savings are separate

We're the same as this - a joint account which covers the mortgage and bills, with a standing order from each of our wages into it. We put more into than we spend, so if some unforseen expense comes up, we can usually dip in to the joint.

After that, my money is seen as my money, his is his.
He would never use an overdraft, but does have a credit card - I abhor credit cards, but make creative use of my overdraft.

I also have regular savings (as I earn more money), but they are not secret, and are often used for the house/us.

If we need to save up for something big (like when we got married last year) then we both set up a standing order into one account or the other, and that person is responsible for it.

Sure, it takes trust, but if I didn't trust my husband implicitly, I would not have married him.

Morag

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

It's not though - I've been a stay at home parent & I have 2 kids!

I can understand the phrase and the idea from the days when you didn't really know who you were marrying and divorce or women funding themselves wasn't really an option but in this day and age I'd be asking what the hell someone is doing with a guy they think is so psychotic they have to start secretly squirrelling money away in order to fund their sudden departure because rather than accepting a break up their partner would hold them hostage! :eek:

Because people change and marriages break down.

Ickle Magoo

Sharrow wrote: »

Because people change and marriages break down.

I'm not buying it. I just do not think that secretly squirrelling money away on the off-chance the man I've lived with for the past 12 years is going to suddenly morph into a psycho who will refuse to split out shared possessions and savings is a necessary precaution...frankly, I'd be frog-marching him for a psych evaluation first.

Doesn't strike me as being in any way logical to remain involved with someone if doubts are harboured that one day you'd need to run from them - that would be a huge red flag that either I or we shouldn't be in that relationship - and that's before getting to the general dishonesty and lack of respect of creaming shared funds and squirrelling it behind your partners back.

By all means folks should have their own accounts, even have their own savings if they wish - we have both...it's the secrecy and the presumption of future nastiness in a partner you are supposedly trusting enough to set up home and life with that I don't get.

Kash

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

By all means folks should have their own accounts, even have their own savings if they wish - we have both...it's the secrecy and the presumption of future nastiness in a partner you are supposedly trusting enough to set up home and life with that I don't get.

Exactly.

I would be irrevocably hurt if I found out that my husband was secretly putting aside money. I have no issue at all with him putting money aside that I do not have access to, and know that he has no issue with me doing the same - but neither of us would appreciate that being done in secret.

Perhaps I have a rose-tinted view of the world, but I could not live my life with someone that I felt might, perhaps, one day, change so much from the man that I know and love that he would effectively make me a prisoner in my own home, and steal my money in the process!

Nor could I live my life happily if I thought that he imagined me ever doing the same to him.

In essence, hell yeah for financial independence, but if you don't trust your partner, you should be single.

pow wow

I think it's a good idea for both parties to have a plan and a means of financing it if things break down. I don't know that I'd rub his face in it like "hey I have x amount in the bank if you ever leave/kick me out" but I don't think it's a bad setup to have. Things happen that you'd never expect in a breakup and it can sometimes bring out the unimaginable worst in people.

convert

My OH was discussing this in work, and most of their colleagues said that they didn't see the need for each individual to have their own account, instead insisting that there should be one or two accounts for everything!

However, myself and my OH agree that there should be one joint account for 'mutual' expenses, such as mortgage/rent, bills, food, holidays, or other joint outgoings, and we should have separate accounts for our own expenditures. We wouldn't call it our 'runaway' fund, nor would it mean we don't trust each other; it would be savings that we could use for ourselves, or to treat ourselves, or for emergencies.

Chinafoot

seamus wrote: »

I have friends and family would take me in until I got back on my feet, and holding onto whatever I've accumulated isn't that big a deal for me.

Well not everyone is in a position where they have family or friends who can take them in.

What about a woman with a couple of kids who has been left by her husband? Should she not worry about holding on to what she has accumulated? Should she just walk away and say "Ah well, sure it's only material things. I shouldn't be focused on those piddly things."

seamus wrote: »

It'd be stressful, absolutely. But I don't fear having everything taken from me to the point that I feel I need to squirrell money away. I can always start again.

And a woman with a couple of kids might have an ever so slightly different perspective on starting again.

seamus wrote: »

If I felt that a relationship was unstable enough to require insurance, then I wouldn't enter into the marriage in the first place.

Sorry seamus, going to have to go with "naive" on that one. Life happens. Things don't always work out the way you want no matter how stable your relationship is. Having some money available just in case doesn't mean you don't have faith in your relationship.

My idea of "running away" money is that it would cover not only if the relationship turned sour, but if something happened to my partner and I have kids to look after. It's emergency money rather than running away money.

We currently have separate bank accounts but if we were to get married we would set up a joint account that we would both pay into to cover bills etc and we would keep our own accounts.

BarackPyjama

Kash wrote: »

if you don't trust your partner, you should be single.

I'd imagine most of those advocating that women should have a 'running away' bank account probably are.

I think people are misunderstanding the OP question, she did not ask if having emergence money was a good thing ( of course it is ) she did not ask if having some sort of separate bank account is a good thing (of course it is )she/he was looking for opinions on a woman having running away money i.e money which a woman in a relationship hides away just in case she need to get away. I am in the camp that thinks if your are in a relationship with someone and you think you might need ruining away money then there is something seriously wrong in the relationship.

I was married and then divorced and am now very happy in a second marriage plus I have seen all kinds of relationships among my family and friends and if you are in relationship where you feel you need to hide away money from a partner ( male or female ) is not a good sign.

BarackPyjama

mariaalice wrote: »

I am in the camp that thinks if your are in a relationship with someone and you think you might need ruining away money then there is something seriously wrong in the relationship.

Big time. If I was in what I thought was a healthy, loving relationship/marriage and found out that my other half had put money away solely for the purposes of 'running away' from me if I somehow became abusive overnight. Well I'd label her someone with a victim complex/an abuser in her own right and would have severe misgivings about the relationship. I'd actually be so offended that I'd probably end it.

As a side note, I think men and women should have their own bank accounts anyway.

saa

Having money aside will not jinx your relationship, there is always a possibility of a break up it is not the belief that it will never happen to "us" that gets you by its the hard work and bond you have.

So a bit of cash on both sides for any circumstance in which you'd need it: I would hope my partner and I both put aside some extra cash if we are so privileged to be able to put a few quid aside first and foremost in case we both get into trouble

ICANN

This reminds me of the film the Waitress and the husband found her stash of cash just before she ran away. Sad

I don't think I'd have a secret stash but I wouldn't have a joint account, my parents have separate accounts but my mam basically sorts out everything to do with money so she has my dad's cash card and the pin number and gives him weekly pocket money. he's happy out with that.

pickarooney

ElleEm wrote: »

I would never share an account with my partner. We have a joint account for rent and bills but everything after that is our own.
I would hate to feel like we had to explain purchases or withdrawals to each other.
We manage money differently too, so if we shared an account I could see our spending habits causing trouble!!

What about if one person loses his/her job or gets hit with some major medical bill? There has to be a certain amount of sharing during the hard times.

Ickle Magoo

BarackPyjama wrote: »

I'd imagine most of those advocating that women should have a 'running away' bank account probably are.

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Linguo

I think having secret running away money is incredibly insulting to the person you're in love with, I know I'd be devastated if my boyfriend felt he needed to have that hidden from me and vice versa!

If you want to have money of your own for a rainy day, pressies, unforseen medical allowances that's fine I think couples should have joint accounts and also their own 'pocket money' accounts but should never hoard away anything secretly from one another, it's not much of a relationship if they do!

LegacyUser

I would advised all women to have a secret account with some money in it as no one know what will happen in the future.
One woman I know had joint accounts with her husband and he walked out after a long marriage. She had nothing in her name only and had way less savings than she should have because of this. If she had a few thousands in her own name life would have been a lot easier for her.
Also if you only have a joint account and the other person dies the account is frozen.
You could have a mortgage to pay, bills to pay and children to feed and have no money for day to day costs in this case.
You could end up with a guy who has a gambling, drinking problem or believes that giving you €50 a week should feed a family and this money could mean that you can leave a bad relationship.

BarackPyjama

fab lady wrote: »

You could end up with a guy who has a gambling, drinking problem or believes that giving you €50 a week should feed a family and this money could mean that you can leave a bad relationship.

It's a catch 22. If you're with a good man and he finds out you're squirreling money away in case he becomes abusive and you need to leave him, he'll probably be so offended that he'd leave the relationship himself. I certainly would.

py2006

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I also think he'd be more than a little insulted that I considered him such a threat and thought he'd wish to stay married to me against my will and forcibly if needs be that I actually required a secret fund to get away from him. In reality he's the kind of guy who would gladly but sadly give me all the money I needed to leave if that's what I wanted to do...that's why I married him.

Eh, maybe I am misinterpreting this but that just sounds wrong.

py2006

I think some people are confusing what a financially independent woman is.

Most couples have a joint account for bills and their own separate accounts. That would make a financially independent woman.

Having a secret account because her wonderful husband just might turn nasty in the future is something different. It means he is with the wrong women in my eyes. (because she doesn't trust him - for no reason - and not that he wants control of her money)

seamus

py2006 wrote: »

Eh, maybe I am misinterpreting this but that just sounds wrong.

I think you are reading it wrong. She doesn't mean that she married him so that she could take advantage of him, I think she means that he's such an insanely selfless person that he would do everything in his power to ensure that she was happy, even if she was in the process of ripping his heart from his chest.

cynder

Money in our house is separate, he has his, i have mine. I have the codes to his cards he doesnt have the codes to mine

I dont have a secret hoard, if i did i would buy myself a new car.

py2006

seamus wrote: »

I think you are reading it wrong. She doesn't mean that she married him so that she could take advantage of him, I think she means that he's such an insanely selfless person that he would do everything in his power to ensure that she was happy, even if she was in the process of ripping his heart from his chest.

Fair enough. Surely a financially independent woman (not referring to original poster) should not be looking for money off a man to leave him. It is bad enough that she is leaving him without taking his money too. Of course, if she is the kind of women who relies on a man for money that is different.

Ickle Magoo

py2006 wrote: »

Fair enough. Surely a financially independent woman (not referring to original poster) should not be looking for money off a man to leave him. It is bad enough that she is leaving him without taking his money too. Of course, if she is the kind of women who relies on a man for money that is different.

The inference in the prior discussion that a woman required "running away money" was because her husband wouldn't split or give any of the finances her way should she wish to or need to leave...my comment that he'd gladly but sadly give whatever is in direct relation and relevance to the topic of the thread - it's not a comment on me, my financial dependence, my wish to use my husband or anything else...quit with the out-of-context semantics would ya!