Mobile phones.

Daisy M

Just wondering what everyone else does at night time as regards to their teens mobiles. We have started to insist that our oldest who is 14 leaves it up in the kitchen at bedtime on school nights and while he is doing his homework. He was absoloutly wrecked getting up every morning and I have no idea what time he was actually going to sleep at as he was always awake when we were going to bed.

Now according to our lad none of his friends parents do this he is the only one. So it would be great to get some ideas of what other parents do.

KoolKid

I have a daughter the same age. We insist on it put away during dinner.
Night time was an issue but I think it was more the internet so we turned off WiFi when we were going to bed. It seems to have settled down a bit.
Don't listen to the stories about other parents, you will find his friends are telling their parents how cool you are.;)

Daisy M

That "everyone else" line no longer works on me!! The phone is a blackberry which uses its own network and they can log onto this blackberry messaging and facebook. Blackberries are a whole other story from what I can understand a lot of broadcasting goes on which I think means that you can make your own announcements to all you blackberry contacts. When he leaves the phone up it is constantly flashing to say he has a new message/notification. Do these kids ever sleep?:rolleyes:

KittyeeTrix

My 14 and 17 yr old sons have android mobiles which are wifi enabled. The 17 year olds phone is constantly hopping with texts from his girlfriend but the 14 year olds phone rarely goes off. Then again he is always x-boxing live so not one for the texting.

I honest to god dont know what the older lad can be texting all evening long. I'd go mental if my mobile was hopping that much

Galwaymother

We had to take away our thirteen (and a half!) years' old daughter's phone when she goes to bed as I found out she was texting at all hours...It doesn't cause any hassle, she accepts the wisdom of that particular decision , and just leaves it on the stairs.
I pay for it, I make the rules...:)

KoolKid

Most of the texts are nothing and just making conversation for the sake of it.
My daughter could have 50 in an hour, all just saying hi, what ya doing, what's up, etc.
I wouldn't worry about the amount of it .There is less said than what I would day in a 5 minute phone call ..

Daisy M

Sometimes I get a bit lax on rules we have set in place and I have noticed when I do he tends to act out more and push our boundaries. I do find the more rules/guidelines we have in place the better his attitude. Xbox is banned during the week apart from schools hols as he cant just go on it for a little while. At first he was annoyed and kept nagging to go on now he just accepts it.

The Princess Bride

The girls leave theirs downstairs every night for charging- tbh,none of us have them in our rooms at night.My son has minimal interest in his,so far.

When doing homework they switch them off,it amazes me the amount of children who have phones in rooms at night.
Just asked girls,they get a few hundred texts daily!!!!!!
Sweet Lord,I wouldn't get that in a month and I'm a busy bee.

Also,agree with other posters re: "everyone else's parents" -my children live with me...not everyone else,I think if they moved in with "everyone else" for a few hours ,they'd be sent back pretty quickly.

cbyrd

I turned into my mother on this one.. had to insist she leave the phone downstairs after discovering her texting one night a 1am.. she tried to argue saying i knew nothing and so and so's parents would never do that.. :rolleyes: my reply was well if so and so jumped in the river would you follow .. she looked and me and said what has jumping in a river got to do with it :pac: have to say i used to think the same thing..I stopped her credit for a month which meant no free texts and that sorted it..

BostonB

Why don't you misplace the chargers? or turn of the wifi if thats what they are using.

cbyrd

BostonB wrote: »

Why don't you misplace the chargers? or turn of the wifi if thats what they are using.

I still need to be able to contact her for school pick-ups or not.. when she got out of school she could send me a call me text which is free and i could let her know where i'd pick her up or if i got called into work and she needed to walk

GarIT

Im shocked at how strict yous all seem, I've had a phone with no questions asked at all since I was 13.

CIARAN_BOYLE

GarIT wrote: »

Im shocked at how strict yous all seem, I've had a phone with no questions asked at all since I was 13.

Are you responsible. I'm not a parent but my view about teenagers is that if they are responsible they won't have any problems.

When I was a teenager I'd turn my phone off at night every morning I'd wake up with at least 10 texts, I could easily have stayed up till four or five in the morning texting friends and getting responses. If I did (eventually) my parents would noticed and my phone would be left downstairs at night.

GarIT

CIARAN_BOYLE wrote: »

Are you responsible. I'm not a parent but my view about teenagers is that if they are responsible they won't have any problems.

When I was a teenager I'd turn my phone off at night every morning I'd wake up with at least 10 texts, I could easily have stayed up till four or five in the morning texting friends and getting responses. If I did (eventually) my parents would noticed and my phone would be left downstairs at night.

I suppose I was most of the time. From when I was around I'd say 7 or 8 I had a phone but I was only allowed have it if I was going out and my parents wanted to call me or something similar. I got a phone on either my 13th or 12th birthday and nobody ever questioned it or how I used it or anything. I got fairly bad with it around 16 but at that stage I don't think they minded.

cynder

So far i have no restrictions on my daughters phone use, as you know she is 12. Because she has her own laptop and can use skype and facebook her phone takes 2nd place, more often then not its out of battery and has no credit. She does use whatsapp but cant use viber as it doesnt like her htc wildfire.

I cant see any restrictions put in place in the near future either due to its lack of use.

Daisy M

grindelwald wrote: »

So far i have no restrictions on my daughters phone use, as you know she is 12. Because she has her own laptop and can use skype and facebook her phone takes 2nd place, more often then not its out of battery and has no credit. She does use whatsapp but cant use viber as it doesnt like her htc wildfire.

I cant see any restrictions put in place in the near future either due to its lack of use.

All that changes when they go off to secondary school it becomes like a part of them. My 14 year old was the same never heeded it till he went to secondary school and up till the 11.5 year old got a blackberry she was the same. If I had known how bbs worked she wouldnt have got one. All the same she doesnt heed it too much just has more attention on it than her old phone. She is on facebook which I also regret allowing but I have banned her off it for a month because herself and another girl were been smart with each other. They werent too bad but the rule in our house is facebook is for fun not picking at people.

GarIT

Daisy M wrote: »

I have banned her off it for a month because herself and another girl were been smart with each other. They werent too bad but the rule in our house is facebook is for fun not picking at people.

Does nobody here allow their children any privacy at all? Outside of the last year none of my family have ever seen my Facebook page (or Bebo), there would have been war if they tried to look at it. I was taught well as a child so there was never any need to put any restrictions on me.

Morag

Privacy is something which that kids will get more and more of as they grow, a 10 year old needs less then a 16 year old.

KoolKid

Sharrow wrote: »

Privacy is something which that kids will get more and more of as they grow, a 10 year old needs less then a 16 year old.

Trust is also a big part of it ,& thats something that has to be earned.

Daisy M

GarIT wrote: »

Does nobody here allow their children any privacy at all? Outside of the last year none of my family have ever seen my Facebook page (or Bebo), there would have been war if they tried to look at it. I was taught well as a child so there was never any need to put any restrictions on me.

My children are 14, 11 and 9 they are children and I would be negligent if I was not keeping an eye on their internet phone useage. This social networking and mobile phone phenomenon is relatively new and its growing and changing every day. Obviously my 14 yr old has more privacey than my 11 yr old. I am on facebook and the amount of crap that some kids post about each other is unreal it is always the same ones commenting and undermining others. Their parents should be taking more responsibility for their internet usage.
Grindlewald recently had an incident where her daughter was been bullied and if she hadnt picked up on it as soon as she did by checking messages who knows where it would end.

cynder

GarIT wrote: »

Does nobody here allow their children any privacy at all? Outside of the last year none of my family have ever seen my Facebook page (or Bebo), there would have been war if they tried to look at it. I was taught well as a child so there was never any need to put any restrictions on me.

My daughter being 12 doesnt get too much privacy, i read her facebook and her texts. When she is 15 that will change. Im looking out for her at 12 because she doesnt know its a big bad world out there.

TBH 12 year olds should need privacy its not like they have boyfriends/girlfriends. You would be wondering what a 12 year old would be up too that they would need privacy? We are quite open and talk al lot in my house, she will tell me about the boys she likes im sure that will all change as she gets older. My main concern is bullying and unwanted contact from adults whom she doesnt know. *my daughter had portraits taken and i had one up as my facebook profile picture i got a message of some guy saying i was HOT and wanted to meet up with me, (my settings are private) he must have seen a post i made on spins facebook page and contacted me. if that was my daughter he contacted who know what would have happened. The portrait made her look older and very very pretty (which she is) but i don't want my daughter getting messages of guys looking for sex, or nude pictures. Hence i stalk her facebook page to protect her and make sure she gets no unwanted contact.

Also as she is under facebooks 13 age limit we made it compulsory that we had access to her facebook page and password, otherwise there would be no facebook page. She agreed to our terms and we let her on facebook.

GarIT

Daisy M wrote: »

My children are 14, 11 and 9 they are children and I would be negligent if I was not keeping an eye on their internet phone useage. This social networking and mobile phone phenomenon is relatively new and its growing and changing every day. Obviously my 14 yr old has more privacey than my 11 yr old. I am on facebook and the amount of crap that some kids post about each other is unreal it is always the same ones commenting and undermining others. Their parents should be taking more responsibility for their internet usage.
Grindlewald recently had an incident where her daughter was been bullied and if she hadnt picked up on it as soon as she did by checking messages who knows where it would end.

I suppose your right but I have two points to make, most parents don't know how to monitor the internet, they think they are doing it but they dont know the 101 other ways to communicate privately over the internet that you parents will never see. The second point is that I would find allowing an 11 year old to lie about their age to get onto a site like Facebook that says it is strictly for over 13, from past experience I know the HSE also find this negligent parenting. I'm not 100% sure but I have heard before thats it's also illegal for a parent to knowingly allow a child to lie about their age to get onto a site like facebook or bebo.

Orion

GarIT wrote: »

I suppose your right but I have two points to make, most parents don't know how to monitor the internet, they think they are doing it but they dont know the 101 other ways to communicate privately over the internet that you parents will never see.

Don't be so sure kiddo. Some of us old farts know a thing or two about teh interwebs

GarIT wrote: »

The second point is that I would find allowing an 11 year old to lie about their age to get onto a site like Facebook that says it is strictly for over 13, from past experience I know the HSE also find this negligent parenting. I'm not 100% sure but I have heard before thats it's also illegal for a parent to knowingly allow a child to lie about their age to get onto a site like facebook or bebo.

It's not illegal. It is against the terms of the site which simply means that the site can close the account. Boards has the same 13 years rule btw. The HSE wouldn't care about this per se. They would care if a social networking site was being used by a child of any age with the parents' knowledge for bullying, harassment, or worse. It is not negligent to allow your child to use the internet - it is negligent to allow a child to use the internet unsupervised and unrestricted.

GarIT

Orion wrote: »

Don't be so sure kiddo. Some of us old farts know a thing or two about teh interwebs


It's not illegal. It is against the terms of the site which simply means that the site can close the account. Boards has the same 13 years rule btw. The HSE wouldn't care about this per se. They would care if a social networking site was being used by a child of any age with the parents' knowledge for bullying, harassment, or worse. It is not negligent to allow your child to use the internet - it is negligent to allow a child to use the internet unsupervised and unrestricted.

Im sure I read something about parents being responsible for a child pretending to be older than they are on the internet. I'm not sure about that at all though. What I do know is someone i know (not saying how) reported bullying online to the gaurds because it got quite serious with threats ect, and the parents were told that the gaurds were going to inform the HSE as the children were on bebo and only 12 and 11. There was obviously some concern there, I don't know in what capicity though. After working in IT for nearly 3 years and seeing what goes on I'd never let a child of mine onto a site when the site says they cant be on it. Think about it, if Facebook says its unsafe for children under 13 I'd listen to them. If they're supervised properly I dont see a problem though. Id also be the type of person that wouldnt let a 14 year old watch a 15's movie ect, im terrible at how i follow rules like that. I'm starting to think im becoming a crank.

Orion

13 is an American regulatory thing - purely arbitrary. And also purely between you and the site. The GS/HSE/etc have no input or jurisdiction there. It's no safer for an immature 15 year old than a mature 12 year old. I'm not encouraging access to these sites - personally I can't stand facebook - but you can't escape their existence.

GarIT

Orion wrote: »

13 is an American regulatory thing - purely arbitrary. And also purely between you and the site. The GS/HSE/etc have no input or jurisdiction there. It's no safer for an immature 15 year old than a mature 12 year old. I'm not encouraging access to these sites - personally I can't stand facebook - but you can't escape their existence.

I know that, but the age of 13 isn't the problem, its the lying about your age, anyway I better not keep going on about things I vaugely remember. All I have to say is that I've had unrestricted access to my phone and internet since I was 13 and it didn't do me any harm, I was always the kid that was scared of breaking rules though. I wasn't even allowed on bebo before then.

cynder

My husband is a tech head. A software engineer for the past 6 years. So not as blind as you think.

Daisy M

GarIT wrote: »

I suppose your right but I have two points to make, most parents don't know how to monitor the internet, they think they are doing it but they dont know the 101 other ways to communicate privately over the internet that you parents will never see. The second point is that I would find allowing an 11 year old to lie about their age to get onto a site like Facebook that says it is strictly for over 13, from past experience I know the HSE also find this negligent parenting. I'm not 100% sure but I have heard before thats it's also illegal for a parent to knowingly allow a child to lie about their age to get onto a site like facebook or bebo.

I have a good idea the only reason I am on facebook is to know the ins and outs of whats going on. I try to keep upto date on all the new ways they have of interacting. Luckily my husband knows them all there is not a single move they can make that he cant trace back.

As for kids been allowed on facebook below 13 well that is something I regret. I gave in because all her friends are on it she was the last to join. Its a pity the age limit wasnt higher. However I hope that by joining young by the time she is really using it to network with friends she will have a good idea what is and is not acceptable. Our rules around FB are that it is for having fun not for fighting, broadcasting your every move to the world or bragging. They know when the fun stops facebook stops for them.

However I will admit I do wish it was never invented its the greatest load of crap invented.

BostonB

I do the same on facebook only to help others on (IT support for family )

Personally I think its the greatest waste of time, and I think most people on it are not aware of the information they are revealing about themselves. Most people do not have their sharing and security setting as they think they do. Its deliberately confusing in way that shares more information, never the other way around.

GarIT

BostonB wrote: »

I do the same on facebook only to help others on (IT support for family )

Personally I think its the greatest waste of time, and I think most people on it are not aware of the information they are revealing about themselves. Most people do not have their sharing and security setting as they think they do. Its deliberately confusing in way that shares more information, never the other way around.

Mark Zuckerberg once said that the sole reason for Facebook's success was that people like to know things about other people. The whole point of the site is for people to find info on other people, a lot of people don't realize this. I only use it for business promotion really and sometimes talking to older relatives that don't use any IM services, I prefer private chat most of the time.

nesf

Orion wrote: »

Don't be so sure kiddo. Some of us old farts know a thing or two about teh interwebs

I doubt many in here would be able to lock down an internet connection very well against a half competent, determined teen. I mean it's fairly trivial to block everything at DNS level to begin with some basic router configuring but it's equally fairly trivial to get around this if you have root access to a machine.

If you didn't understand every word in the last fairly basic sentence (which is coming from someone who is not a tech specialist) then no, you are not in a position to block a teen from getting where they want on the internet if they are remotely capable of learning about computers or phones.