That Chap I was so fond of...

Cee-Jay-Cee

I know this is a sensitive issue as its a real life situation but i'm puzzled by the RSA ad on the radio/tv about the woman talking about her son who was knocked down and killed on the roads some time back. She describes the day it happened and her feelings on discovering her son was killed but ends it by saying 'this chap i was so fond of' Surely she could have managed to say 'my son who i loved dearly'or something along those lines rather than the somewhat cold line she came out with on the ad. It bugs me everytime i hear the ad and i keep thinking the RSA or whoever ran the ad will have cottoned on and re-done it with a different ending...i wait patiently.

stargazer 68

Have to say OP I find it really odd too!!

MrStuffins

OP, that part really irks me too! It makes her sound so cold, like she's talking about some bloke she's met 4 or 5 times in the pub.

Ficheall

If I were going to let something like that bother me,

CJC999 wrote: »

'my son who i loved dearly'

would bother me more.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Ficheall wrote: »

If I were going to let something like that bother me,
would bother me more.

Ok maybe not that line but something a bit less cold than what she did say is what i'm getting at.

Micky Dolenz

He is more then just her son though. I wouldn't be so bold to try a correct how a mother described their dead child.

sophieblake

As a person whose sister was killed in a road traffic accident I find the ads very difficult to look at but very effective. The devastation and emotion is palpable and real live people telling stories of how road accidents have torn their lives apart must make people take stock of how they behave in the car. For me the emotional telling of the stories far outweigh any oddness in the scripts

Skid

In parts of the Country, parents use the term 'chaps' to refer to their children.

Dudess

Can't help noticing it myself, but not everyone is comfortable with wearing their heart on their sleeve in public, in terms of things they say. In fairness, tears are pouring down her face when she says it - and she describes how utterly broken she is and always will be. That says a lot more.

Cuddlesworth

If he was stupid and irresponsible enough to get blind drunk and fall out in front of a car he might not have been the best son.

Also, I don't see the point of the ad. He killed himself.

Dudess

Cuddlesworth wrote: »

If he was stupid and irresponsible enough to get blind drunk and fall out in front of a car he might not have been the best son.

Also, I don't see the point of the ad. He killed himself.

What if the car was speeding?

MrStuffins

Cuddlesworth wrote: »

If he was stupid and irresponsible enough to get blind drunk and fall out in front of a car he might not have been the best son.

Also, I don't see the point of the ad. He killed himself.

Still living up to your username I see?

Micky Dolenz

Cuddlesworth wrote: »

If he was stupid and irresponsible enough to get blind drunk and fall out in front of a car he might not have been the best son.

Also, I don't see the point of the ad. He killed himself.

Are you aware of more facts not stated in the ad?

Ever been drunk?

Feeona

I think the line 'that chap I was so fond of' is really heart breaking. She puts her loss so simply. I think we all have ideas in our head as to how we would react if we lost a loved one, it rarely plays out like one imagines.

Minstrel27

Cuddlesworth wrote: »

If he was stupid and irresponsible enough to get blind drunk and fall out in front of a car he might not have been the best son.

that evil bastard

sbsquarepants

Cuddlesworth wrote: »

If he was stupid and irresponsible enough to get blind drunk and fall out in front of a car he might not have been the best son.

Also, I don't see the point of the ad. He killed himself.

Bit harsh there cuddles, don't you think?

Cee-Jay-Cee

Skid wrote: »

In parts of the Country, parents use the term 'chaps' to refer to their children.

Thats fair enough, its not the word chap that bugs me, its the word 'fond'

I'm fond of ice cream and the odd packet of crisps. I love my daughter more than anyone could imagine.

Dudess

Feeona wrote: »

I think the line 'that chap I was so fond of' is really heart breaking. She puts her loss so simply. I think we all have ideas in our head as to how we would react if we lost a loved one, it rarely plays out like one imagines.

Yeah, saying "my son" is probably so hard - slightly distancing oneself might be a mechanism to cope with the horrific reality...

Jimmy Bottlehead

Cuddlesworth wrote: »

If he was stupid and irresponsible enough to get blind drunk and fall out in front of a car he might not have been the best son.

Also, I don't see the point of the ad. He killed himself.

I agree, in fairness - it was absolutely his own fault to get drunk and stumble in front of the car.
People can beat around the bush all they want, but nobody forced him to drink that much, and nobody pushed him in front of the car.

People need to accept that their own decisions result in actions, which lead to consequences - dire ones, in this case.

I just feel sorry for the mother and the car driver.

Pretty_Pistol

Who is that ad suppose to be aimed at? People walking home drunk who may swerve/fall suddenly out onto the road or for drivers to look out for these people?

joseph brand

Cuddlesworth wrote: »

If he was stupid and irresponsible enough to get blind drunk and fall out in front of a car he might not have been the best son.

Also, I don't see the point of the ad. He killed himself.

Anyone who has been 'knocked down' by a car deserves it? Their fault? Bad son? Suicide?

Worst post ever?

Oranage2

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Are you aware of more facts not stated in the ad?

Ever been drunk?

Marjorie Flood from Castleknock, Dublin, whose son, Mark, 19, was killed after a night out in Dunshaughlin, Co Meath, in January 2008, is also featured in the campaign.

"He was out celebrating with his friends, He had had a few drinks, strayed out into the road and got hit by a car," she said.

"Until you are affected you don’t realise how many people are killed needlessly on the roads. I can’t make peace with this. This chap I was so fond of is no longer there and will never walk in the door again," she said.

http://www.irishexaminer.com/ireland/kfmhsnqlkfcw/rss2/



Not defending what cuddlesworth said since its not the nicest.



And as for what she said - Mayny people say thing like "your father" or "The young fella" when talking about people that have pasts - not sure why though it might be a way of trying to distant themselves emotionally.

Feeona

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

I agree, in fairness - it was absolutely his own fault to get drunk and stumble in front of the car.
People can beat around the bush all they want, but nobody forced him to drink that much, and nobody pushed him in front of the car.

People need to accept that their own decisions result in actions, which lead to consequences - dire ones, in this case.

I just feel sorry for the mother and the car driver.

He's dead.....I don't think he can accept or deny anything now.

The thread is about the use of 'that chap I was so fond of', not whether he deserved to die or not.

Jesus Christ.

Dudess

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

Cuddlesworth wrote: »

If he was stupid and irresponsible enough to get blind drunk and fall out in front of a car he might not have been the best son.

Also, I don't see the point of the ad. He killed himself.

I agree, in fairness - it was absolutely his own fault to get drunk and stumble in front of the car.
People can beat around the bush all they want, but nobody forced him to drink that much, and nobody pushed him in front of the car.

People need to accept that their own decisions result in actions, which lead to consequences - dire ones, in this case.

I just feel sorry for the mother

Doesn't seem like it. If you did, you wouldn't be pointing out what he shouldn't have done, and just accept he's gone and can't come back, and respect his mother's grief. I'm sure you'll take grave offence, but that's how I see it.
Many of us do/did irresponsible things at 19 when fearless and convinced we're invincible - if it was his fault it doesn't make it easier for his mother.
As I already asked anyway, how do we know the car wasn't speeding?

Jimmy Bottlehead

Feeona wrote: »

He's dead.....I don't think he can accept or deny anything now.

The thread is about the use of 'that chap I was so fond of', not whether he deserved to die or not.

Jesus Christ.

I'm not saying he needs to accept or deny anything - that post is aimed at people saying "he was drunk" as if it's a valid excuse and he's not to be blamed.

Turn it around - instead of someone being drunk and getting hit by a car (killing himself, and ruining the lives of his family & the car driver), which people have sympathy for... what if someone was drunk, and beat the daylights out of another person. Is that excusable?

At what point is a drunken decision acceptable?

Also, I never, ever said he deserved to die. I said it was his own fault, which it was.

joseph brand

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

I agree, in fairness - it was absolutely his own fault to get drunk and stumble in front of the car.
People can beat around the bush all they want, but nobody forced him to drink that much, and nobody pushed him in front of the car.

People need to accept that their own decisions result in actions, which lead to consequences - dire ones, in this case.

I just feel sorry for the mother and the car driver.

What a horrible man. Getting drunk. Learned his lesson. You must have never been drunk, otherwise it would be stupid and hypocritical to make that statement. Some heartless people on boards today.

Oh btw, who the F**K cares if she said chap/ man/ guy etc. . First world problems eh?

ejmaztec

Cuddlesworth wrote: »

If he was stupid and irresponsible enough to get blind drunk and fall out in front of a car he might not have been the best son.

Also, I don't see the point of the ad. He killed himself.

I think the point of the ad is to make people think twice about being "stupid and irresponsible enough to get blind drunk and fall out in front of a car".

Cuddlesworth

Dudess wrote: »

What if the car was speeding?

What if? What if the car wasn't. He "strayed" out onto the road because he was drunk. He was a adult and had responsibility for his own safety.

MrStuffins wrote: »

Still living up to your username I see?

You can stuff me any day baby.

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Are you aware of more facts not stated in the ad?

Ever been drunk?

The facts are, he was drunk and fell/strayed out in front of a car. He made the choice to get that drunk and he could have avoided the incident.

I have been drunk. I try to moderate it, so I don't injure myself.

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Bit harsh there cuddles, don't you think?

Harsh but fair.

joseph brand wrote: »

Anyone who has been 'knocked down' by a car deserves it? Their fault? Bad son? Suicide?

Worst post ever?

He wasn't knocked down by a car. He put himself in front of one. Assisted suicide is a better description of the incident. If he was drunk enough to go out in front of a car, he was drunk enough to fall off a bridge or down a hole.

Feeona wrote: »

He's dead.....I don't think he can accept or deny anything now.

The thread is about the use of 'that chap I was so fond of', not whether he deserved to die or not.

Jesus Christ.

I'd be fond of a drunk I knew who threw away his life.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Dudess wrote: »

Doesn't seem like it. If you did, you wouldn't be pointing out what he shouldn't have done, and just accept he's gone and can't come back and respect his mother's grief. I'm sure you'll take grave offence, but that's how I see it.
Many of us do/did irresponsible things at 19 when fearless and convinced we're invincible - if it was his fault it doesn't make it easier for his mother.
As I already asked anyway, how do we know the car wasn't speeding?

Like I said, I'm pointing it out to the people who jump to defend a persons drunkeness in these situations. I've no time for "I only did it because I was drunk" excuses.

Yes many of us did stupid things in the past - myself included. But if they'd been different and had gone wrong, should they be considered anything but stupid? If I'd paralysed myself driving like a look, should I blame anyone OTHER than myself?
No.

Regardless of whether the car was speeding, his own mother stated he "strayed out into the road and got hit by a car" - if the driver was speeding, I'm sure it would have been referenced. And it doesn't take speeding to kill someone who has wandered out in front of your car.

Feeona

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

I'm not saying he needs to accept or deny anything - that post is aimed at people saying "he was drunk" as if it's a valid excuse and he's not to be blamed.

Turn it around - instead of someone being drunk and getting hit by a car (killing himself, and ruining the lives of his family & the car driver), which people have sympathy for... what if someone was drunk, and beat the daylights out of another person. Is that excusable?

At what point is a drunken decision acceptable?

Also, I never, ever said he deserved to die. I said it was his own fault, which it was.

I don't think a drunken decision is acceptable. But that's not the point of this thread.


I f*king abhor this new fashion of saying 'Yeah he/she suffered, but what about....?'. Are we this inured to absolute devastation that we can take something, process it and dismiss it? I'm really just trying to figure this mindset out, because it's not something I could dismiss so easily. But then again, I've had the unfortunate advantage of losing people who were very close to me. Thank god I've never had to go through the horror of losing a child though, from what I've heard and observed, it's the single most horrendous thing you can go through.

Cee-Jay-Cee

joseph brand wrote: »

Oh btw, who the F**K cares if she said chap/ man/ guy etc. . First world problems eh?

Its a discussion forum, i didnt realise there were grades of problems/concerns which had to be met in order to start a thread on a topic.

I suggest you FRO and go somewhere else as your going to get very upset when you see some of the rest of the topics in this forum.

Jimmy Bottlehead

joseph brand wrote: »

What a horrible man. Getting drunk. Learned his lesson. You must have never been drunk, otherwise it would be stupid and hypocritical to make that statement. Some heartless people on boards today.

Oh btw, who the F**K cares if she said chap/ man/ guy etc. . First world problems eh?

Funnily, you're right. I have never been drunk. Good thing, eh? Otherwise I'd look stupid and hypocritical.

And it's not heartless to be realistic - in this case, even if it makes one person reconsider getting wankered drunk this weekend and avoid an accident, it's worth it. Almost all mistakes are worth making, if we can learn a lesson from them.

Feeona wrote: »

I don't think a drunken decision is acceptable. But that's not the point of this thread.


I f*king abhor this new fashion of saying 'Yeah he/she suffered, but what about....?'. Are we this inured to absolute devastation that we can take something, process it and dismiss it? I'm really just trying to figure this mindset out, because it's not something I could dismiss so easily. But then again, I've had the unfortunate advantage of losing people who were very close to me. Thank god I've never had to go through the horror of losing a child though, from what I've heard and observed, it's the single most horrendous thing you can go through.

Just seen this now... as above, if discussing it in a realistic fashion stirs somebody into giving those two final shots a second thought, it's worth it. I would never say dismiss this - but we absolutely must learn from it, otherwise it is a loss with absolutely zero merit.

LETHAL LADY

Maybe she hasnt come to terms fully with the way he died. Found this article pretty sad story really.

http://www.herald.ie/news/courts/pubs-should-take-care-of-customers-1535245.html

Dudess

Feeona wrote: »

I f*king abhor this new fashion of saying 'Yeah he/she suffered, but what about....?'. Are we this inured to absolute devastation that we can take something, process it and dismiss it? I'm really just trying to figure this mindset out, because it's not something I could dismiss so easily.

It's like the "Fuk them, their own fault" mentality when a drug addict dies or commits suicide due to their addiction. I don't understand it - they suffered and died, surely they deserve SOME bit of empathy?
"But I feel sorry for their family" just rings hollow tbh...

Frank Black

Threads like this are like the Madeline MaCann thread - full of emotionally incontinent drama queens judging people on the correct way to express their grief in public

Genghis

I like these ads, I think their raw genuine nature makes them much more powerful. I am guessing they let the victims featured speak in their own way and then use that footage. Might not be the way an ad would be professional scripted, but it retains integrity.

I am more annoyed by slice of life ads that are so scripted they become totally lifeless.

Feeona

Cuddlesworth wrote: »

If he was stupid and irresponsible enough to get blind drunk and fall out in front of a car he might not have been the best son.

Also, I don't see the point of the ad. He killed himself.

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

Just seen this now... as above, if discussing it in a realistic fashion stirs somebody into giving those two final shots a second thought, it's worth it. I would never say dismiss this - but we absolutely must learn from it, otherwise it is a loss with absolutely zero merit.

Can you not see how cold the first quote is? After Hours has degenerated into a forum where people race in to show off how self aware they are in a 'aren't I great that I can be so logical about this while everyone else is losing the head?' kind of way.

Bullsh*t to be honest. Humans are humans, and this point seems to get lost on a daily basis in After Hours.

ejmaztec

Genghis wrote: »

I like these ads, I think their raw genuine nature makes them much more powerful. I am guessing they let the victims featured speak in their own way and then use that footage. Might not be the way an ad would be professional scripted, but it retains integrity.

I am more annoyed by slice of life ads that are so scripted they become totally lifeless.

It seems to me that the only people affected by them, are those who have lost a friend or family member in similar circumstances. To a lot of other people these ads don't make a blind bit of difference and they still go out on the piss.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Feeona wrote: »

Can you not see how cold the first quote is? After Hours has degenerated into a forum where people race in to show off how self aware they are in a 'aren't I great that I can be so logical about this while everyone else is losing the head?' kind of way.

Bullsh*t to be honest. Humans are humans, and this point seems to get lost on a daily basis in After Hours.

If you want to wrap the world up in cotton wool, that's your decision. I won't say it's right or wrong. But I'd prefer to learn from mistakes instead of shying away from a truth that hurts.

Tordelback

Must say, the line 'this chap I was so fond of' is what makes that ad stick in my mind.

I often call my own young son 'my little chap' - for me it catches the idea that although he may act all grown-up, in my head he's still just a toddler playing at dressing up. And fondness is a real part of what I feel for my kids: it's not the automatic unbreakable love, the fierce unconditional kind that's always there from the moment you first see them in a scan or covered in goop on the gurney, but an often surprising like for who they are and what they get up to.

It's details like that, ones that speak of a specific grief and not a generic type from yet another overblown soap opera, that actually strike home.

Feeona

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

If you want to wrap the world up in cotton wool, that's your decision. I won't say it's right or wrong. But I'd prefer to learn from mistakes instead of shying away from a truth that hurts.

If I was trying to wrap the world up in cotton wool, I'd be complaining about TV ads where accidents are shown. But I don't complain about these ads, because I can see the reasoning behind them.

I, however, cannot see the reasoning behind saying that a mother shouldn't be fond of her son because he died as a result of being drunk, or that he deserved everything he got because he was drunk.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Feeona wrote: »

If I was trying to wrap the world up in cotton wool, I'd be complaining about TV ads where accidents are shown. But I don't complain about these ads, because I can see the reasoning behind them.

I, however, cannot see the reasoning behind saying that a mother shouldn't be fond of her son because he died as a result of being drunk, or that he deserved everything he got because he was drunk.

I never said she shouldn't be fond of her son (that was another poster) nor did I say he deserved to die as he was drunk - what I said was that he made the decision to get drunk, and thus is was his own fault that he got hit by a car.

Dudess

She isn't remotely wrapping the world in cotton wool - that line is always used to dismiss compassionate posts. She's just saying the world isn't black and white, and the emotive can be as valid as the rational.

arybvtcw0eolkf

Cuddlesworth wrote: »

What if? What if the car wasn't. He "strayed" out onto the road because he was drunk. He was a adult and had responsibility for his own safety.

I'm only qouting this one because all your posts in this thread have been bullsh*t and I can't be arsed qouting them all.

Even disgarding the chaps actions, the onus is on the driver to give way to pedestrians alighting the pavement.. No where is it broken down to allow a driver to knock someone down and kill them if they're drunk and stumbling.

Dunno, either your lacking life experience which makes you come out with this rubbish or you're on a wind up.

Mr.Biscuits

Cuddlesworth wrote: »

I have been drunk. I try to moderate it, so I don't injure myself.

You moderate your drinking so you don't injure yourself? Specifically?


"Are you having another there Cuddlesworth?"

"No thank you. I feel if I were to have another, I would most likely sustain an injury of some sort on my home as result of no longer being in control of my body, to the degree that I would feel confident of being able to ensure my own saftey at least"

"Okay so, cancel that Sherry there barman, Cuddlesworth's happy with just that one for the evening".

whydoibother?

Ryleigh Yellow Vaccine wrote: »

I'm only qouting this one because all your posts in this thread have been bullsh*t and I can't be arsed qouting them all.

Even disgarding the chaps actions, the onus is on the driver to give way to pedestrians alighting the pavement.. No where is it broken down to allow a driver to knock someone down and kill them if they're drunk and stumbling.

Dunno, either your lacking life experience which makes you come out with this rubbish or you're on a wind up.

I agree with the sentiment of your post and sorry to be pedantic, but if the part in bold were true no pedestrian would ever be obliged to wait for a safe space to cross the road and drivers would just have to slam on the breaks every time they chose to walk out in front of them. We wouldn't need zebra crossings.

Malari

When I first heard the ad the phrase struck me an unusual, but what it made me think of was driving through a town late at night, when drunk people would throw themselves in front of the car trying to get a taxi, or just messing. It must be a horrific experience for the driver as well as the family of the person who is killed. You wouldn't need to be going very fast at all to kill someone, if you made contact and they were put off balance enough to hit their head of the ground it might be possible to die from the injuries.

Feeona

Cuddlesworth wrote: »

If he was stupid and irresponsible enough to get blind drunk and fall out in front of a car he might not have been the best son.

Also, I don't see the point of the ad. He killed himself.

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

I never said she shouldn't be fond of her son (that was another poster) nor did I say he deserved to die as he was drunk - what I said was that he made the decision to get drunk, and thus is was his own fault that he got hit by a car.

You thanked the first post, that means you agree with it.

What I'm getting at here is not that people shouldn't take responsibility for their own actions (we all should take due care). What annoys me about this forum is that a post as callous as the first one is considered a valid reason for a mother not to love her son. It's ridiculous, and as another poster pointed out, shows an alarming lack of basic life experience.

ash23

Haven't read the replies but when I hear the line "this chap that I was so fond of" I think what she is trying to convey is that not only did she love him, but she liked him as a person, a character, an individual.
We all (generally speaking) love our children but some of us really like them and who they are too. I always think of someone who was genuinely happy to see their son come up the path, of a man who looked after his mammy, took her shopping etc.......someone she was really fond of, not just someone she loved because of biology.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Feeona wrote: »

You thanked the first post, that means you agree with it.

What I'm getting at here is not that people shouldn't take responsibility for their own actions (we all should take due care). What annoys me about this forum is that a post as callous as the first one is considered a valid reason for a mother not to love her son. It's ridiculous, and as another poster pointed out, shows an alarming lack of basic life experience.

I agree with the overall sentiment, but not specifically word for word.

However, as you're being pedantic, I'll break it down for you:

If he was stupid and irresponsible enough to get blind drunk and fall out in front of a car he might not have been the best son.

Also, I don't see the point of the ad. He killed himself.

1) I think he was stupid
2) I think he was irresponsible
3) I don't particularly agree with the "He might not have been the best son" part
4) I agree that the point of the ad is unclear, that it needs to be more targeted to blaming the drunk guy rather than the driver
5) I agree - this guy, in a sense, killed himself - his actions were irresponsible and reckless, and unfortunately for him, led directly to his being killed.

I may be different from you, but I'll thank a post if it makes me laugh, makes me think, or if I agree with it in a broad sense. Sometimes I'll thank it if the poster has said the exact same thing I'd like to have said, but not always.

Hope that clarifies it.

jessiejam

So often these ads are aimed at drivers and imply that all accidents on our roads are the drivers' fault.
This ad gives a different perspective on road deaths I suppose.
Just because your not driving the car or even a passenger, doesn't mean that you won't die on our roads.
Its no harm that they made people aware that pedestrians/cyclists can be just as much of a danger as cars.