Best spoof stories you've ever heard

gigino

heard the labour party man in his budget speech on Monday say the public service was taking the pain.

Considering they are paid an average of 48,000 per year + have a pension everyone else would kill for, thats the biggest spoof I ever heard.;)

Gingersnaps

A bloke I knew was always spoofing.
One day he told us that he once had two really vicious greyhounds. He put them into a barrel and secured the lid and left them overnight. The next day when he opened the barrel all that was left was their two tails. They were so vicious that they had eaten each other.

u_c_thesecond

My brother in law is a bit messed up in the head tbh, and when hes drunk he comes out with some ****

He told my partner (his brother) he had cancer and had a year to live (this was 4 years ago) he had no memory of it when sober and is still living, so havnt believed any of his stories since

Claims hes lived before and apparantly he was "there" when michael collins was killed :eek:

He was in the IRA and killed a load of people:rolleyes:

Had a prostitute tell him that she didnt want any money off him, that the pleasure he gave her was payment (HA)

I just dont listen to him anymore, i just phase him out.

TeddyTedson

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

My brother in law is a bit messed up in the head tbh, and when hes drunk he comes out with some ****

He told my partner (his brother) he had cancer and had a year to live (this was 4 years ago) he had no memory of it when sober and is still living, so havnt believed any of his stories since

Claims hes lived before and apparantly he was "there" when michael collins was killed :eek:

He was in the IRA and killed a load of people:rolleyes:

Had a prostitute tell him that she didnt want any money off him, that the pleasure he gave her was payment (HA)

I just dont listen to him anymore, i just phase him out.

sounds like a keeper

u_c_thesecond

TeddyTedson wrote: »

sounds like a keeper

thank goodness im with his brother, i dont know how his wife listens to him. At least we live 80 miles away we only see him few times a year

El Horseboxo

The biggest one was something a bunch of us busted at the same time. A fella that we knew as a bit of a spoofer that wasn't really a mate. But someone that came up and talked to us in the pub a bit. He told us he was off traveling around the world for a year. He had added most of us on facebook and he was constantly putting up crap about places he was in. But a group of us went to Galway for New Years and some of us found him working behind the bar in a pub just off Eyre Square. The fella had kept up that he was away since before the summer. Most dedicated spoofer i've ever come across.

TeddyTedson

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

thank goodness im with his brother, i dont know how his wife listens to him. At least we live 80 miles away we only see him few times a year

I suppose as a positive thing though as least you wouldn't need a TV.:D

I don't know what happens in these peoples lives that they can't shut up talking. I know a few bull ****ters and everyone knows they're full of crap, you just can't treat them like real people.

Logical Fallacy

livinsane wrote: »

She told me her mother was allergic to water on her skin (she could drink it but had to use special creams to wash) - her mother was the cleaner in our school.

There is actually a form of Urticaria that is basically an allergy to water on the skin. Contact with water will cause large and very sore welts or hives to form on the skin.

When i lived in Sandyford there was a chap near me who had it, poor bastard.

smck99

local fool once told me he was playing golf, tee'd up, took out his driver... hit a low flying plane.
there are some other classics but they'd need a separate forum tbh :P

stacexD

Aunt phoned my dad saying she had no money and was hanging teabags out on the line to dry because she ran out and wouldn't have money till the following week.
I was staying with her at the time and only back from dunnes with her where she spent over €200 on snacks, clothes and sh*te.

I dunno which was worse, the fact she told him this while I was staying with her watching her spending, or the fact she was hanging teabags out to dry so that they could be dumped back into a cup of water?

skinny90

guy i work with is the worst. he claims to have captained the roscommon minors to a connaughted title about 7years ago.googled all the local papers,didnt happen,(i won an a final with the u-12s and if you googled it youl get it on the local paper's website)
same guy goes about how he used to do body building,and had got trials for man city when he was younger,lets just say he's slightly overweight
he claims about how he won 30,000 dollers in texas hold em game in australia,and then left because he didnt like australia dont have proof him winning it but he recently bought his first car which is a 10year old fiat punto...the list goes on

Gyalist

I was at the wedding of an old school friend in the US last year. The night before the wedding we went to the church for the rehearsal, after which the groom's parents had organised a dinner for the wedding party at an upmarket local restaurant.

At the rehearsal the bride, who I had never met before, asked me if I would say a few words in Irish at the dinner. I tried to fob her off but she was insistent and persuasive, so I foolishly said yes.

Now I had the small problem of giving a toast despite not speaking a word of Irish. I'm not Irish and even though I've lived here for the past 25 years, I've not learned any Irish. However, in that time I've come across some fantastic spoofers.

Suddenly in the midst of the rehearsal I came up with a genius idea and grabbed a napkin and wrote it down.

At the dinner we were all having a great time when suddenly it was my turn to speak. I stood up, looked around the room and smiled, and confidently declaimed, "Dun Laoghaire, Glenageary, Glasthule, Dalkey. Sláinte."

goldenhoarde

Once worked with a lad who was always cold. We shared a very small office and he always had ths wee blow heater on.

One really warm summer day i had to pull the plug on it and he went "Oh i'm cold" so i said "when i was working at -40 we didn't have blow heaters we were real men" (i should say i worked in a factory that had a freezer called a spiro for fezzing the products that did operater at up to -40)

He then said where was that and i said oh that was the summer i worked on the russian trawler up near the antartic (i was reading a book that had the hero working on one for a while)

ended up telling him that it was mostly women on the ship - about 10 drop dead gorgeous girls to every man so they were juming in and out of my bed every night (i wish i wish). the storied got more outlandish as i went one - subs appearing boarded by the US coastguard for straying into us waters at one stage and they let us off because i was irish!! All way OTT and i expected him to cop on quicker!

I got two days outta this telling him stories about it but got caught out when i expanded it to me going off to kosovo to clear minefields :o

Andy!!

livinsane wrote: »

I shared a room with a compulsive liar for a year.

She told me her mother was allergic to water on her skin (she could drink it but had to use special creams to wash) - her mother was the cleaner in our school.

She also told me that the acid in her stomach was eating some muscle alive and if she didn't take Rennie and Actimel daily, she'd have to have an operation where she would be opened up for 6 hours.

You being funny? You are describing a real skin condition, and an ulcer. Both things are real.

WoollyRedHat

The following are some outlandish stories I have had told to me throughout the years, all the same guy

He met 50 Cent at a concert backstage and he then gave him his diamond watch. What a nice guy! I subsequently broke the watch by accident .

The boots he wore to school were in fact his grandfathers passed on to him and dated back to when he fought in World War 2.

He was on the dropride in funderland and he fell out during it and had the strength and ability to hoist himself back onto the ride

Last one was probably the most ridicolous one in terms of credibility but just about

Dan133269

smck99 wrote: »

local fool once told me he was playing golf, tee'd up, took out his driver... hit a low flying plane.
there are some other classics but they'd need a separate forum tbh :P

Haha that's hilarious.

Went to school with a lad who told us he had been arrested, thrown in the back of a Garda car, then he managed to break out of the handcuffs and beat up the 2 cops.

He used to tell stories about various girls he was with, threesomes etc, all horsecrap. We questioned him 1 day as to the name of the girl he was seeing, "Laura" he replied. One of the lads then asked him straight away what her surname was, "Sarah" he replied.

Ms. Pingui

A girl I went to school with was always telling us bull**** stories. She told us she was a model and she was being used for an international billboard campaign. She also told us that her mother won the lotto. Both wee utter crap of course. There are loads more crazy stories she told but I can't remember them offhand.

Another girl I know told us her mother had been in a terrible car accident and was in intensive care fighting for her life. We saw her mother in the local spar shop less than half an hour later! :rolleyes: