Biphobia.

MissMoppet

Just curious is there really a lot of Bi-phobia out there or is a lot of it just exaggerated?

I know from my own experiences that a lot of my gay/lesbian friends often criticise being bi (jokingly and not).

The whole it's a phase thing etc.

I'm really interested in what other members of the LGBTQS community think about this.

df1985

I think its harder to come out as bi because people just dont buy it so to speak. Also id find it hard to trust a bisexual partner, something in my head would say i cant provide everything they want (boobies)

stephen_n

Bi-phobia/ Bi erasure exists very much so and from my experiences both would be far more prevelant in the LGBT community than outside it!


There wasa thread on being bi a few weeks back that might interest you!

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056424697

wonderfulname

Maybe it's just the people I hang out with, though I'd like to think it's my generation, but I never see this, in fact I tend to see the opposite.

Chuchoter

I think bisexuality is one of the most abused identities in the sense its been completely hijacked by a generation of young girls who want to seem cool and edgy. I mean the level of 'bisexual' teenage girls I know who would balk at the thought of being friends with me if they knew I was a lesbian would make you laugh. I just tend not to take people seriously who say they are bisexual, are under the age of 20 and have never gone out with anyone of the same gender.

jaffacakesyum

Chuchoter wrote: »

I think bisexuality is one of the most abused identities in the sense its been completely hijacked by a generation of young girls who want to seem cool and edgy. I mean the level of 'bisexual' teenage girls I know who would balk at the thought of being friends with me if they knew I was a lesbian would make you laugh. I just tend not to take people seriously who say they are bisexual, are under the age of 20 and have never gone out with anyone of the same gender.

To be honest, this sort of attitude contributes to the bi-phobia that people experience in Ireland.

Sonics2k

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

To be honest, this sort of attitude contributes to the bi-phobia that people experience in Ireland.

I prefer to call it Bi-facepalmobia.


It's much like Chuchoter describes, but when they're done talking you do this

Caiseoipe19

Chuchoter wrote: »

I think bisexuality is one of the most abused identities in the sense its been completely hijacked by a generation of young girls who want to seem cool and edgy. I mean the level of 'bisexual' teenage girls I know who would balk at the thought of being friends with me if they knew I was a lesbian would make you laugh. I just tend not to take people seriously who say they are bisexual, are under the age of 20 and have never gone out with anyone of the same gender.

So they don't want to be your friend if they know you're a lesbian so you decide to disregard them over their sexuality? Maybe the fact that there's so many bisexual teenage girls coming out as bi (I'll have to take your word that there are...) is because society is more tolerant than before? Whose place is it for anyone to make assumptions on someone else's sexuality. Only the person themselves knows so I think that's what should be taken as the truth.

That's the way I see it anyways...

wonderfulname

Chuchoter wrote: »

I think bisexuality is one of the most abused identities in the sense its been completely hijacked by a generation of young girls who want to seem cool and edgy. I mean the level of 'bisexual' teenage girls I know who would balk at the thought of being friends with me if they knew I was a lesbian would make you laugh. I just tend not to take people seriously who say they are bisexual, are under the age of 20 and have never gone out with anyone of the same gender.

The thing is probability dictates a lot of them actually are, don't question their... currently identified? sexuality because they're a dick. Anyone I knew when they were a 16 year old out there shithead that I still know or know of has grown out of all that idiocy (bar one) but yet they're all still bi.

There are a lot of social constructs that define how people act when it comes to sexuality, a lot of girls thinks they have to act like that to be anyway gay, or just join those sort of groups so they can feel accepted when it comes to their sexuality, just take peoples word for it when it comes to sexuality, the worst thing you're doing is massaging an ego, question it on the other hand and you could be doing an awful lot worse.

MissMoppet

I suppose I get a lot of comments made cause I'm bi and I have a boyfriend.. (Which shocks people)

People (in my experience) tend to think bisexuals are promiscuous..Which I totally disagree with.

Kanoe

I've only ever met one kind of bi. (not saying it's a bad thing but if I were looking for casual no strings stuff that's where I'd go, which I usually am as it happens and everyone's happy. happy, happy, happy. -except for teh big hole in my heart. )

wonderfulname

You okay there Kanoe?

You need to meet more bisexuals, and no, not like that.

Kanoe

it's too late I've already been conditioned.

wonderfulname

You just made me a wee little bit sad..

Kanoe

ok, I jest but there is some truth in it. I've spent most of my time (which is not that long really so there is hope) adapting to a bi lifestyle and that hasn't been very accommodating emotionally. (don't think it would be wise to discuss it)

wonderfulname

What do you mean by a bi lifestyle? Sorry now, just don't get ya.

Kanoe

wonderfulname wrote: »

What do you mean by a bi lifestyle? Sorry now, just don't get ya.

This is just my experience ok. I've known two or three girls who would identify as bi and most of them were purely relationships of convenience, for them. When it suited them, when they were on a break or between bf's or when they needed someone or something to cling onto. I hate when they decide I am their property on a given night when we were just going for drinks in a group, I hate that girly shít thing they do where they link your arm so as to be seen and yet if a guy looked at them sideways they would render themselves available just as quickly. Ultimately I refuse to demonstrate pda's as a result, I never stay over if invited, I don't even do dates, y'know silly things like going to the cinema or just taking a walk or fup it, sharing a piece of your life with somebody. It's not right but it's what I'm familiar with and grown accustomed to. It's what I expect.

wonderfulname

That's a pretty crap experience, I can see why you feel as you do but they aren't all like that.

Kanoe

sorry

wonderfulname

Don't be, those girls you've known are the one's who should be apologising.

baby and crumble

My GF is bi, and she gets really pissed off when people don't acknowledge that she finds guys attractive. I don't really understand it, because I don't find men sexually attractive, but hey, I have people I fancy that she doesn't 'get' either. That's what it boils down to, in the end. Who you fancy. Lucky for me, the main person she fancies is moi, which is convenient.

I'll freely admit when we first got together many years ago, I was intimidated by her being bi, and I did make stupid jokes and probably really horrible comments. Thank God she never really put up with them, and called me out on it.

I can understand how, if you've been burned badly by someone in the past it's easy to tar everyone who has that 'label' with the same brush- that goes for sexuality, religions, races, etc. And the younger generation of women who will happily kiss their female friends for kicks in nightclubs but who will freak (and I mean FREAK) if you offer to buy them a drink or something while they're out in the George or wherever have gone some way to further this idea of 'promisicuous' bisexuals. But it's false, that's not what bisexuality is, just like leathermen aren't what gay men are all about, nor are 'dykes on bikes' the main category or lesbian. And hey, if some of those women are trying to figure out their sexuality that way, why not? Believe me, if I was 17 again and had the chance to snog some of the girls in my year "for a laugh" I'd be well up for it. Less so now, but pffft! Hormones are hormones.

The older I get the less inclined I am to care about other people, and in that I mean care about what they like, who they like, or what way they live their lives. Hell, a few weeks ago I was asked was I polyamorous! If someone had asked 20, or even 25 year old me that question I would have been freaked out and disturbed at the thought. Now I just kind of went "Well, no." and then secretly admired their energy for being able to keep multiple relationships successfully on the go!

jaffacakesyum

Cygnus wrote: »

So they don't want to be your friend if they know you're a lesbian so you decide to disregard them over their sexuality? Maybe the fact that there's so many bisexual teenage girls coming out as bi (I'll have to take your word that there are...) is because society is more tolerant than before? Whose place is it for anyone to make assumptions on someone else's sexuality. Only the person themselves knows so I think that's what should be taken as the truth.

That's the way I see it anyways...

That's the crux of it

It seems to be more acceptable to make assumptions about and criticise bisexuals, wheras if these things were said about gay or straight people there'd be outrage. It's a real shame but I don't think it's going to change anytime soon

Some people still think being bisexual is for attention or because they're greedy or because they'd take anyone they can get or because they're not really attracted to girls properly but they'll have a kiss/sleep around with them when they don't have a boyfriend. I could go on but..meh, there are worse things in this world than some people's attitudes to bisexuality.

stephen_n

My daughter was telling me about a boy who identifies as bi who is going out with one of her female friends. She was saying this because her mother had told her that he was not bi that he was gay because he wouldn't be aware of it if he was bi at 14 so therefore he must be gay! One of those moments when I was tempted to tell her that her mother has the IQ of a hedgehog and despite what my ex believes she doesn't know everything about everything but settled for pointing out that no one can decide what someone else's sexuality is or isn't!

Interesting view of how ignorance spreads all the same!

Bottle_of_Smoke

MissMoppet wrote: »

I suppose I get a lot of comments made cause I'm bi and I have a boyfriend.. (Which shocks people)

People (in my experience) tend to think bisexuals are promiscuous..Which I totally disagree with.

Its the whole thing of non-straight people being seen as a gay or bisexual first rather than an individual.

You have a boyfriend so people do not think of you as bi. Your sexuality is partly invisible

The young women who are with a girl one week and a guy the next are the visible bisexuals. That's what people think of for bisexuals so all bisexuals get labelled promiscuous.

Biphobia within the LGBT community? I don't know much about it to be honest. I suspect a bit of envy. It would at least be perceived that they have an easier life as they can do all the normal straight things like bringing a girlfriend home to meet the family or have kids without legal complications.

Though of course that perception ignores the bi person who is in love with someone of the same sex and gets all the hardship of someone who is gay or lesbian

LegacyUser

I'm only 18 and two years ago I came out as being bi. I was never in the closet stage and as I had always been open minded and unafraid of being controversial, I told my friends and family straight away. My family accepted it without disapproval, with a few snide comments from my siblings, but no outrage.

I have always been a tomboy and unknowingly had been sexually attracted to women before I actually realized my sexuality. I matured sexually at an early age and so did the games I played with my friends. Now when I think back at the games and the way I felt when I was close with a girl, I realize that my body and subconscious mind already knew of my sexual orientation even though I did.

I faced a couple of awkward moments when few of my female friends were unsure of what it meant and I had to tell them that I'm not sexually attracted to them. They assumed that I would be, because their idea of homosexuality was crooked.

I just got out of a relationship with a guy (who was also bi), but even when I was with him, my family still acknowledged my bisexuality. I'm one of the lucky few.

But others kept telling me that they had known it was just a phase and that now I had finally gotten over it. It angered me because I felt as if they were not taking bisexuality and me seriously.

Even as I write this, I know that there will be a few people that will read this and will not take me seriously because of my age and the fact that I have mentioned my heterosexual relationship.

I also want to address the statements that bisexuals always prefer one of the sexes. That's incorrect. Of course, there are many that steer a bit left or right, which is normal. But there are some that really don't care about the gender of the other person, but the individual qualities such us looks and personality.

I have found that I steer a bit more to the female side, but it doesn't change the fact that I find men sexually attractive.

I know that people like me give a bad name to bisexuals because I also happen to be open-minded about sexuality. I would love to have a threesome one of these days, but that doesn't mean that I want to have two partners at the same time. Even with my fear of commitment, I stay faithful to those I commit to.

I hope any of my ramblings made sense and added to this thread in any way. I'm just looking for a place to socialize with people that face same difficulties and with those who I can discuss my opinions with.

Thanks for reading if anyone did. (:

OldNotWIse

df1985 wrote: »

I think its harder to come out as bi because people just dont buy it so to speak. Also id find it hard to trust a bisexual partner, something in my head would say i cant provide everything they want (boobies)

I agree. I am gay so I shouldn't label others but I would find it very difficult to go out with a bi woman. I would just assume that if she can physically be with either gender then why wouldn't she take the easy option? Marriage, children, "normal" life etc.

I know plenty of people will challenge this view but out of a sense of self preservation I think I would have major problems going out with someone who is bisexual.

uppishhauk

MissMoppet wrote: »

Just curious is there really a lot of Bi-phobia out there or is a lot of it just exaggerated?

I know from my own experiences that a lot of my gay/lesbian friends often criticise being bi (jokingly and not).

The whole it's a phase thing etc.

I'm really interested in what other members of the LGBTQS community think about this.

I have come across it
In my case the gay people i know assume I'm just in my transition to becoming gay
The straight people i know seem to be fine with it

Bisexuality comes at different levels with some people leaning to one gender over the other at varying degrees to some being more even like myself

I'm generally attracted to a persons personality over everything else, their gender only really comes into account when it gets intimate enough that what genitals they have need to be considered