Sleezy dating scene

xxtattyberxx

In the past few weeks, Ive been asked out on a few dates. Each time obviously getting a little girly excited. The men in question are all well respected guys and would presume to be decent blokes.
However I havent seen any of these dates through as pretty much within the day of agreeing to it, the sleezy talk comes out, so this usually resolves in me deleting their number or blocking them etc as I am not that type of person and really dont think I give out that impression. Id much rather sit in on my own than feel objectified.
I havent been on the dating scene in yrs and think that men really dont seem to put in any effort at all. The last guy I dated never made any suggestions of sex so was never an issue, didnt sleep with him for a few weeks and ended up in a lovely 5 yr relationship.
If I wanted a one night stand Id hang around a nightclub at 3am. Why do men presume that you agree to a date that they automatically think that there in for a sure thing?
Where Im going with this is.... Is this the general consensus? Has the dating scene just turned into pure sleeze?

Kevin Duffy

xxtattyberxx wrote: »

Why do men presume that you agree to a date that they automatically think that there in for a sure thing?

We don't.

Storminateacup

Why are you assuming girls hanging around a nightclub at 3am are looking for a ONS?

xxtattyberxx

Storminateacup wrote: »

Why are you assuming girls hanging around a nightclub at 3am are looking for a ONS?

I didnt say all girls are, just know the night clubs known for the 3am booty call, the ones that tend to be avoided.
If someone wants to be a 3am girl thats their business, not mine.

Storminateacup

Well then it sounds like you're looking in the wrong place for dates if all you meet are sleezy men.

Sounds no better than the nightclub, to be frank.

xxtattyberxx

nateacup;75548998]Well then it sounds like you're looking in the wrong place for dates if all you meet are sleezy men.

Sounds no better than the nightclub, to be frank.[/QUOTE]

Im not looking for dates by no means but That is basically my point, that even men you meet (not in a club, or pub, or any way alcohol involved) seem to think that dinner = same as share a chip and back to mine

Storminateacup

It's been a while since Ive been on the dating scene but not al guys are like that. And the ones that are are usually a lot of fun to play.

Plumpynuter

Nothing sleezy about sex. Its the ones who don't mention it you want to watch.

dermiek

Now I know what goes through the heads of all the elderly single ladies in my estate.

Conor Bourke

xxtattyberxx wrote: »

If someone wants to be a 3am girl thats their business, not mine.

What the hell does that mean? I'm most definately a 3am girl, but the only thing I'm usually looking for at that hour is more drinks, more music, more dancing! I haven't score someone in a nightclub in years- firstly because I'm quite picky and just don' t see the point in shifting someone I'm not attracted to, just for the sake of it. Secondly and more importantly- wen I go to nightclubs, I go with my girlfriends with the sole aim of letting my hair down, dancing like a crazy person, having a few drinks, singing, whatever. I'm usually having too much fun with my girls to even bother looking at guys, but if I'm approached by a fella, well and good, I won't shoot them down on sight.

The last time I was in a nightclub however, my group of friends got chatting to a group of guys and I ended up kissing one of them. We got on pretty well, and at the end of the night he did ask me to come back to his place. To be honest, rather than get all offended I just laughed and called him a chancer. He laughed as well, said it was worth a try, asked for my number and walked mr to a taxi and made sure I got home safe. We've been texting since and went out for a drink the other night. We've had a bit of banter on the phone and in person, but nothing sleazy. I don't know if it's going to go anywhere but it just shows that ou can't tar all guys/girls with the same brush and I just have to wonder if there's a flaw in your selection process if you seem to be ending up with these sleazeballs every time?

professore

The OP must one of those girls that goes for the guy that every guy on the planet can see is sleazy.

xxtattyberxx

woooowwww whoosh you obviously completly missed the point of my posts. I never once bad mouthed one night stands, kissing guys in clubs or mentioned general nights out and also pointed out twice that these are guys NOT met in clubs, pubs or anywhere with drink involved and im pretty sure I made refernce to the fact that there respectable men acting like asking someone out on a date automatically is the same as meeting a guy outside a club, guaranteed sure thing.
Think you defo misread the whole thing and missed the point

RacoonQueen

Maybe you have a different definition of sleazy and they're just being a bit flirty? Laugh it off and make a joke of it, see what their reaction to that is before you decide they're sleazy.

What do you mean by sleazy anyway? What type of thing do they say to make you think they're sleazy?

rich.d.berry

What's with all the defensive posturing and attacking the original poster?

She specifically stated that she was approached. Also that "The men in question are all well respected guys and would presume to be decent blokes."

Now she's at fault?

I suppose the next leap of logic will be that the pre-date sexual innuendo is brought on because she dresses in a provocative manner.

At least attempt to read and comprehend the original message before adding your own unfounded criticisms and insulting comments.

At work I am often shocked at the "lads" comments about colleagues and discussions of their exploits. I can believe that the OPs experiences are true because I've seen the same predatory transformations occur over something as innocent as a compliment or a smile. There were a few near sexual harassment cases brought where I worked. Only for managers intervention, the men being warned and the women appeased, have they not gone through with it.

Conor Bourke

Your sentence which I quoted in my last post, about "being a 3am girl" counts as badmouthing in my book :rolleyes:

Anyhoo I agree with RacoonQueen, what is it that you consider sleazy? And if you like these guys but don't like that type of chat, what's wrong with nicely pointing out to them? If they like/respect you, they'll quit with the smut. If they get the hump over it then it was never going to work between you anyway so just forget them.

I'm not for a minute saying that the OP brings it on herself, and I agree that some giys remarks can be way across the line. I suppose I'm a pretty strong person so I'm well able to hold my own with fellas like that and usually can laugh along with them to a point but have no reservations about setting them straight if they go too far. I personally have little experience of uninitiated sleaze from guys I've been in the early days of dating, and like the OP wouldn't tolerate it if I thought I was being objectified. I took exception to the assumption that because I like to party coz I'm a 3am girl, that I must be responsible for guys' in turn being sleazy.

alaskimo's story didn't sound like the guy thought it was a "guaranteed sure thing" at all
how do you know they're not just flirting or something
it's not a friendship you're building

krudler

Whats your definition of sleazy though?

xxtattyberxx

professore wrote: »

The OP must one of those girls that goes for the guy that every guy on the planet can see is sleazy.

Gotta say defo not, im not looking for a guy but one of the guys in question is a well respected teacher with a great reputation and to me always had a goodhead on his shoulder so untill any of this had happened I would never of thought of him as sleazy, so it was actually a shame that the sh!te, sex talk that came out of his mouth before the date got cancelled would make him in my eyes sleazy.
Im all on for flirting and having the laugh, but why should sex have any place in a conversation before youve even spent more than half an hr?

Alaskimo-cake

Alaskimo-cake wrote: »

And if you like these guys but don't like that type of chat, what's wrong with nicely pionting out to these guys that you like them but don't really appreciate that type of chat. If they like/respect you, they'll quit with the smut. If they get the hump over it then it was never going to work between you anyway so just forget them.

Yes, ignoring people and running away isn't usually the way to resolve stuff

xxtattyberxx

Alaskimo-cake wrote: »

Your sentence which I quoted in my last post, about "being a 3am girl" counts as badmouthing in my book :rolleyes:

Anyhoo I agree with RacoonQueen, what is it that you consider sleazy? And if you like these guys but don't like that type of chat, what's wrong with nicely pionting out to these guys that you like them but don't really appreciate that type of chat. If they like/respect you, they'll quit with the smut. If they get the hump over it then it was never going to work between you anyway so just forget them.

I said if someone wants to be a 3am girl thats there business, not mine. How is that badmouthing anyone, or running any1 down. Ive clearly said its not my business but theirs.

As for sleazy, I dont see why if youve just met someone, through work or something casual like that, got asked out, swapped number and by that evening being asked whats your fav position?? Like hello you dont know my last name but yet thats what you want to know and Im just so suprised that in the last 2/3 weeks 2 guys have asked me out, as I said both respectable people and this is the kinda crap that ya get. To me thats just delete the number and jog on buster. There seems to be no effort to get to know someone.

rich.d.berry

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Maybe you have a different definition of sleazy and they're just being a bit flirty? Laugh it off and make a joke of it, see what their reaction to that is before you decide they're sleazy.

What do you mean by sleazy anyway? What type of thing do they say to make you think they're sleazy?

Must she spell it out?

What's so hard to understand that a guy who starts with sexual innuendo in texts and conversation prior to establishing any sort of interpersonal relationship is objectifying the woman as a sexual conquest. Making a play for more than just dinner or a movie is tantamount to negotiating rates for sexual services. If that's what he's after then there are prostitutes that would give him what he's after, but would probably cost him more. How is expecting to buy a woman a meal in exchange for sex not offensive to any right minded woman?

If that does not offend you then perhaps you're the one who needs to check your moral compass.

Conor Bourke

xxtattyberxx wrote: »

I said if someone wants to be a 3am girl thats there business, not mine. How is that badmouthing anyone, or running any1 down. Ive clearly said its not my business but theirs

What I understand to be your implication of that phrase "to be a 3am girl" is that if I stay out til 3am partying, I must be stone mad for the cawk, and because I'm giving it up easy with all my sexting these guys, it's what fellas come to expect, and therefore it's my fault.

As I said, I don't agree to being objectified either, and you're right to be annoyed by them trying it, but I can't see why you don't just tell these guys straight out that this type of talk is not on for you, nip it in the bud. If they're as respectable as you first thought, they should drop it.

bluewolf wrote: »

Yes, ignoring people and running away isn't usually the way to resolve stuff

Nail on the head there Bluewolf.

hucklebuck

xxtattyberxx wrote: »

The men in question are all well respected guys and would presume to be decent blokes.

xxtattyberxx wrote: »

one of the guys in question is a well respected teacher with a great reputation

I note you keep using respect in your posts, the fact you can call them respectable would suggest you know they fairly well or someone you know knows them?

If you don't know them I would sugest you are going to all the wrong bars, I always tell my female friends the main pubs where guy go for one night stands are Flannerys, Coppers, Mc Gowans so avoid them if you are looking to meet someone.

RacoonQueen

rich.d.berry wrote: »

Must she spell it out?

What's so hard to understand that a guy who starts with sexual innuendo in texts and conversation prior to establishing any sort of interpersonal relationship is objectifying the woman as a sexual conquest. Making a play for more than just dinner or a movie is tantamount to negotiating rates for sexual services. If that's what he's after then there are prostitutes that would give him what he's after, but would probably cost him more. How is expecting to buy a woman a meal in exchange for sex not offensive to any right minded woman?

If that does not offend you then perhaps you're the one who needs to check your moral compass.

Gee try to relax the tone of a thread and get this as a response. :rolleyes:

My friends throw sexual innuendoes around at me, doesn't mean they want to be friends with me just so I'll have sex with them.

As I said, I'd laugh it off and see how they react to that, if they make an inappropriate comment after that then I'd most likely walk away. I must recheck my moral compass for not over reacting to flirty comments.

Where did she say in her original comments that they're expecting to buy a meal for her in exchange for sex?

How many guys pay for everything on the first date? How many girls let a guy pay for everything on the first date? They don't buy things for me in exchange for sex, we're equals - sex comes when it comes...

What a slut I am though. Clearly. :rolleyes:

xxtattyberxx

xxtattyberxx wrote: »

As for sleazy, I dont see why if youve just met someone, through work or something casual like that, got asked out, swapped number and by that evening being asked whats your fav position?? .

would defo think this to be an innappropriate thing to be said but defo agree with Racoon Queen that the tone of the thread needs to come down a bit

was not meant to be controversiol more pointing out and saying that when did dating mean objectiving?

And for those who said why run? Simple I dont know them, and if this is there first impression than I dont want to. Im far from running but why waste time on people on those who would deem this appropriate?

Huckleback: I have repeated myself bacause I want to make it clear that Im not changing what Im saying, as its been took up wrong, you yourslef took it wrong, I have said it in earlier posts I didnt meet these people in pubs/clubs so its not that Im going to the wrong bars, I rarely go out so thats not the issue at all

seeker11

Hi tattyber.
I agree with you and get where you are coming from. Yes, I have swapped numbers with a few guys and before they know anything about you they are asking your fav position, your opinion on waxing, how do you like oral pleasure etc..just out of the blue and with no prompting. I do love a bit of banter, but I'm not into indulging in sexual talk before I've even gone on a date with them. I don't know, maybe they are just looking for f buddies. Is it the way that these guys don't want to have anything serious, just sexual relationships.

Ickle Magoo

Okay folks, dial back on the aggression, hostility & one-liners. This is the Ladies Lounge, please allow the female posters to actually discuss the points being made, as per the purpose of this forum.

OP if you and other posters could avoid making crass generalisations, it helps avoid accidentally insulting lots of posters.

If you haven't done so already, please take the time to read the charter here.

Cheers.

Novella

I don't really do the whole dating thing OP. I tend to just meet guys, become friends and it progresses from there, as opposed to actual dates and what seems like forced getting to know you's. I don't imagine that the whole dating scene has become sleazy though. I'm sure there are many, many men out there who are looking for more than sex.

Personally, I'd find it rather strange for a guy to suddenly blurt out, "So, what's your favourite position?" so I'm not sure how that is coming up in conversations you're having. If you're actually talking about sex, tbh I wouldn't find that sleazy. If I wasn't comfortable answering, I'd probably make some kind of jokey reply and change the subject. If he kept bringing up topics that made me uncomfortable, I'd end the date and think of it as incompatibility and looking for different things etc.

You know what they say... You have to kiss many frogs. Not every date is gonna be perfect unfortunately.

Larianne

You've just had a bit of bad luck. Not all guys are like that. Keep on truckin'.

jaffacakesyum

Larianne wrote: »

You've just had a bit of bad luck. Not all guys are like that. Keep on truckin'.

Sums it up pretty well

Can't believe the amount of people attacking the poster

Flirting is one thing, being sleazy and inappropriate before you even have a date/are on a first date at dinner is a different thing all together

Kevin Duffy

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

Can't believe the amount of people attacking the poster

Is it all that confusing when she started off with generalisations and dismissing what she didn't like as being "sleaze"? Should it need to be said that not all men think and act the same way and that one person's sleaze is another's flirty banter? Some people start that earlier than others, some conciously do it to avoid the friend-zone, some wouldn't say it to their spouses and so on. It's all good, you just find someone who matches you and let the others go to find what they're looking for.

Dating is little different now to what it ever was, but when you find yourself re-entering a market you thought you'd left, you have changed.

jaffacakesyum

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Is it all that confusing when she started off with generalisations and dismissing what she didn't like as being "sleaze"? Should it need to be said that not all men think and act the same way and that one person's sleaze is another's flirty banter? Some people start that earlier than others, some conciously do it to avoid the friend-zone, some wouldn't say it to their spouses and so on. It's all good, you just find someone who matches you and let the others go to find what they're looking for.

Dating is little different now to what it ever was, but when you find yourself re-entering a market you thought you'd left, you have changed.

The OP said that the men in her experiences have been sleazy, not flirty. Who is everyone here to say "No, OP. You are wrong. That's not sleazy, that's flirting"

I am a notorious flirt myself and when a guy is aswell, it's all a bit of fun. It's a completely different story if he's objectifying me and being sleazy before I even have a chance to get to know him

Kevin Duffy

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

The OP said that the men in her experiences have been sleazy, not flirty. Who is everyone here to say "No, OP. You are wrong. That's not sleazy, that's flirting"

She found it sleazy, not everyone would find the same things sleazy. The OP took her experience as a reason to suggest all men didn't make an effort, made assumptions etc. and went on to title her thread "Sleazy Dating Scene". Nobody is saying she's "wrong", people are suggesting that she shouldn't make a sweeping, dismissive, judgemental generalisation based on a couple of experiences.

Kimia

What a weird reaction to the OP! I'm sure she didn't mean any offense but anyway that's been dealt with so back to the main point.

OP i too would be horrified if I was looking forward to a date with a guy I thought was nice, decent and respectful and the next thing out of the blue he starts texting me about positions and waxing etc! That's far too presumptuous and full on - I'd be really annoyed too.

I'm in a relationship myself so I don't have much recent experience but my single friends tell me some horror stories. Men sending pictures of their 'excitement' (completely unprompted) and trying to get her to send some back. I'm no prude but that's completely inappropriate for casual dating when you haven't even been intimate.

Ultimately, I agree with Larianne. I think you've just been unlucky. There are some wonderful men out there who want a relationship and are good decent people. As Novella said, you just have met lots of frogs. Keep the faith!

jaffacakesyum

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

She found it sleazy, not everyone would find the same things sleazy. The OP took her experience as a reason to suggest all men didn't make an effort, made assumptions etc. and went on to title her thread "Sleazy Dating Scene". Nobody is saying she's "wrong", people are suggesting that she shouldn't make a sweeping, dismissive, judgemental generalisation based on a couple of experiences.

I don't have any qualms about sex but if someone I've just met texts me asking me what my favourite sex position is, before even the first date, I would call that sleazy!!

I think the point is that the OP isn't looking for a purely sexual relationship. She's not saying there's anything wrong with people looking for that or for just one night stands, hence the '3am nightclub girl' comment. I'd agree with that to be honest

I agree though that sweeping generalisations shouldn't be made, saying that all men are like this. Obviously this isn't true. I just feel that her experiences shouldn't be dismissed as if to say she's in the wrong!!!!

I am a friend

There was a similar post in personal issues and I had the same issue the last time I was single...

All of the guys were respectable (also late 30's), Im respectable and yet they changed to sleaze texting soon after I got to know them. My actions would not have led them to think its my modus operandi so I guess they try it with everything.

I took it that they only wanted a shag buddy so I didnt entertain them. Its a weird phenomenon...

saa

Having a good job says nothing about how good a person they are

We're not very good at "dating" here in my experience, usually we Irish are a lot of the time going out or not going out together or not together rather than our American friends who have a completely different dating culture, I mean could you imagine dating a few people at the same time over here, I'd feel cheated on :~)


No one should mention sex or long term relationships on before or after the first dates.
You don't know if the other person is comfortable, wants the same thing or you're just making them feel pressured.

(I would feel most comfortable if I just met up with someone to do regular date things and let the chemistry eventually bring us closer and talk about sex after a certain point, I suppose sexting works for some people but I need to know someone well, If I wanted to sext I would make damn sure the other person was on the same page as me before I did say anything like that)

iguana

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

She found it sleazy, not everyone would find the same things sleazy. The OP took her experience as a reason to suggest all men didn't make an effort, made assumptions etc. and went on to title her thread "Sleazy Dating Scene".

Got to say I agree with this. It's really just down to a matter of taste opinion. Once I met this guy when I was visiting mutual friends in a different part of the country for the weekend. I decided I liked him and the following week we emailed each other a few times and established that we'd be at the same gathering the following weekend. On the Thursday evening I got home from work read an email from him and wrote him a reply, signing off with a description the long, luxurious bubble bath I was planning and how the hot, soapy water would clean my tired, sweaty, naked body. No less 'sleazy' than the examples given here really. But long story short, we got together that weekend, were shagging like rabbits within hours, been a couple for nearly 10 years, living together 9 and married over 5.

One person's sleazy is another person's hot.

MegaWattKungFu

rich.d.berry wrote: »

Must she spell it out?

What's so hard to understand that a guy who starts with sexual innuendo in texts and conversation prior to establishing any sort of interpersonal relationship is objectifying the woman as a sexual conquest. Making a play for more than just dinner or a movie is tantamount to negotiating rates for sexual services. If that's what he's after then there are prostitutes that would give him what he's after, but would probably cost him more. How is expecting to buy a woman a meal in exchange for sex not offensive to any right minded woman?

If that does not offend you then perhaps you're the one who needs to check your moral compass.

A guy who starts with sexual innuendo in texts is not objectifying the woman as a sexual conquest in my opinion. First of all, that is such a massive generalisation, it's nearly not worth bothering to reply to but since it got so much thanks it needs to be addressed.

Some guys are sleazy and only looking for some quick sex and will then move on.

Some guys will flirt very sexually but not expect sex.

Some guys won't mention sex but will expect it.

Some guys..

I hope you can see where this is going.

It sounds like the OP doesn't like sexual flirting. That's not the guys fault. They are obviously incompatible as a couple. It sounds like she cancelled the date (and removed their number and blocked them) when the sexual talk started. This does not brand the guy a sleaze. If he ended when he found out he wasn't going to get sex on the first date, then it would be more justified to call him a sleaze.

Blush_01

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

The OP said that the men in her experiences have been sleazy, not flirty. Who is everyone here to say "No, OP. You are wrong. That's not sleazy, that's flirting"

I am a notorious flirt myself and when a guy is aswell, it's all a bit of fun. It's a completely different story if he's objectifying me and being sleazy before I even have a chance to get to know him

There's the small matter of perspective though. From someone else's perspective (i.e. the men asking the OP out) what they're saying could be what they consider to be flirty without the OP qualifying the kind of sleazy comments involved. In that case, the OP doesn't have to like it, accept it or listen to it, but in order to make her own life easier, she should at least say that she doesn't appreciate that kind of comment/inference/question rather than dropping off the radar. How else will those guys learn what she is or isn't interested in or will/won't accept, and modify their behaviour accordingly if they're interested in doing that.

The OP might not want to have anything more to do with the gentlemen in question after the comments they've made - her prerogative, and I don't argue with that - but not saying anything doesn't help, as the guys acting like a$$holes will never realise that that's why she's stopped contacting them unless she says it, and she could have misconstrued what was being said - we haven't been given any context, and isolated incidents are not enough to generalise that the entire dating scene is sleazy and corrupted, in my opinion.

seenitall

MegaWattKungFu wrote: »

This does not brand the guy a sleaze.

And who appointed you the arbiter of what is sleazy and what isn't?

I think the OP has a valid point and I agree with her. It's not anyone's fault I don't like "sexual flirting" :rolleyes:, no, but I am, like the OP, at complete liberty as to my opinion of the men who treat women in the manner described.

You can disagree with the OP all you like, but don't start pretending that your opinion is objective reality any more than hers is.

MegaWattKungFu

seenitall wrote: »

And who appointed you the arbiter of what is sleazy and what isn't?

I think the OP has a valid point and I agree with her. It's not anyone's fault I don't like "sexual flirting" :rolleyes:, no, but I am, like the OP, at complete liberty as to my opinion of the men who treat women in the manner described.

You can disagree with the OP all you like, but don't start pretending that your opinion is objective reality any more than hers is.

It's not anyone's fault they don't like sexual flirting and I didn't say that.

My whole logical reasoning is better than the OPs about this situation because she has generalised the whole dating scene which is pretty much impossible.

I'll summarise it for you:
The OP has the right to like what and who she likes.
Some guys are sleazy.
Some guys aren't.
Sexual flirting does not make you a sleaze but a sleaze can send those texts.

seenitall

Generalising isn't helpful, I agree.

However,

MegaWattKungFu wrote: »

Sexual flirting does not make you a sleaze...

- says you. Some will agree with you, some won't. That point has nothing to do with any generalisations, it is a matter of personal opinion/taste, and therefore your "logical reasoning" here is no better or worse than the OP's.

MegaWattKungFu

seenitall wrote: »

Generalising isn't helpful, I agree.

However,

- says you. Some will agree with you, some won't. That point has nothing to do with any generalisations, it is a matter of personal opinion/taste, and therefore your "logical reasoning" here is no better or worse than the OP's.

From her comments "if I wanted a one night stand.." the OP seems to be defining a sleaze as a male who wants sex instantly. The way she recognises a sleaze is from the way he texts/talks about sex.

Since we don't have any conversation examples, everyone is just posting from their own experiences.

I am saying that just because a guy talks/flirts like that it does not mean that he wants sex instantly. In that case, the OP would wrongly have labelled a guy a sleaze.

If the OP wants to define the specific act of flirting sexually as sleazy then I agree it's an opinion/she can think like that if she wants but it's not that fair and think she could be missing out on some great guys just because of that.

I certainly flirt sexually with a girl when I feel it's appropriate and continue to do so once it is reciprocated. I definitely don't expect sex within a certain time limit or expect it at all. It would upset/disappoint me to know I am being labelled a sleaze. (Cause I'm not a sleaze!). If a girl replied to something I said and said tone it down or anything really I would respect that. So that's why I think it is OTT for the OP to delete and block their numbers.

But like I said, we don't have conversation examples so the OP could very well be justified in calling these specific guys sleazy.

I'm just babbling on now and the word sleaze has lost all meaning to me now:D

Ickle Magoo

MegaWattKungFu wrote: »

...In that case, the OP would wrongly have labelled a guy a sleaze.

Well, no. The OP is free to label any guy SHE find sleazy as a sleaze, surely? And in her opinion they would be sleazes. I'm pretty sure there isn't a test for sleaziness, it's all down to personal interpretation so arguing against someone being "thought of" as a sleaze is kind of a moot point.

seenitall

MegaWattKungFu wrote: »

From her comments "if I wanted a one night stand.." the OP seems to be defining a sleaze as a male who wants sex instantly. The way she recognises a sleaze is from the way he texts/talks about sex.

Since we don't have any conversation examples, everyone is just posting from their own experiences.

I am saying that just because a guy talks/flirts like that it does not mean that he wants sex instantly. In that case, the OP would wrongly have labelled a guy a sleaze.

If the OP wants to define the specific act of flirting sexually as sleazy then I agree it's an opinion/she can think like that if she wants but it's not that fair and think she could be missing out on some great guys just because of that.

I certainly flirt sexually with a girl when I feel it's appropriate and continue to do so once it is reciprocated. I definitely don't expect sex within a certain time limit or expect it at all. It would upset/disappoint me to know I am being labelled a sleaze. (Cause I'm not a sleaze!). If a girl replied to something I said and said tone it down or anything really I would respect that. So that's why I think it is OTT for the OP to delete and block their numbers.

But like I said, we don't have conversation examples so the OP could very well be justified in calling these specific guys sleazy.

I'm just babbling on now and the word sleaze has lost all meaning to me now:D

Right, so now the OP is missing out on some great guys if she defines sexual flirting as sleazy, as well as acting OTT by deleting and blocking guys she has no interest in?

If she thinks them sleazy for behaving as they do in the early stages of dating, then obviously she is NOT missing out on anything great? In your own words, "they are obviously incompatible as a couple", so what is there to be missing out on? Nothing at all.

Plus, if the guys are such big boys as to be "flirting sexually" before they've even got to know the woman, I am sure they are big enough to take being deleted/blocked on the chin as well. (In fact, call me cynical, but I'm sure they know exactly why they're being deleted/blocked from the contact list.)

Great going if your, ahem, romantic style is working for you. But not everyone will share your opinion of it, and they are perfectly entitled not to. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are being unfair or over the top; it just means that they disagree with you.

nowyouresix

Are you locating these guys on line? Is there any innuendo in your profile? Guys are always more brave if they're texting/mailing you, and the majority would push the boundaries far quicker using these communication methods than face to face! Maybe they arent being made aware of your boundaries?

MegaWattKungFu

seenitall wrote: »

Right, so now the OP is missing out on some great guys if she defines sexual flirting as sleazy, as well as acting OTT by deleting and blocking guys she has no interest in?

If she thinks them sleazy for behaving as they do in the early stages of dating, then obviously she is NOT missing out on anything great? In your own words, "they are obviously incompatible as a couple", so what is there to be missing out on? Nothing at all.

Plus, if the guys are such big boys as to be "flirting sexually" before they've even got to know the woman, I am sure they are big enough to take being deleted/blocked on the chin as well. (In fact, call me cynical, but I'm sure they know exactly why they're being deleted/blocked from the contact list.)

Great going if your, ahem, romantic style is working for you. But not everyone will share your opinion of it, and they are perfectly entitled not to. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are being unfair or over the top; it just means that they disagree with you.

"is" and "could be" are not the same.

"if the guys are such big boys"
"Great going if your, ahem, romantic style is working for you"
... seriously?

I haven't said anything about the OP at all and I'm not trying to one-up you or offend you. Just discussing the topic (which we're slightly off-topic now).

"If a person does X they are a Y"

If a person does cooking they are a chef.
If a person takes pictures they are an artist.
If a person dresses in a short dress they are a slut.
If a person runs they are healthy.
If a person talks dirty they are a sleaze.
If a person doesn't talk dirty they are not a sleaze.

You can add "I think that" in front of any of those sentences and it becomes an opinion. I won't say an opinion can be wrong but they can be formed wrong. I'll add my opinion on top of it all and say it is close minded not to take more into account when forming an opinion. Like I said, the OP could be justified in these scenarios of having her opinion but to then generalise that opinion onto the whole dating scene is wrong. (In my opinion...:P)

And of course people can disagree with me, it doesn't mean I have to like it though (That was a joke).

seenitall

MWKF, I've no clue what you are on about there. (No worries though, it must be my low blood pressure playing havoc again... seriously. )

Standman

Surely it's better for a guy to be upfront about his intentions if sex is all he is after? There's plenty of women who just want a bit of casual sex too, so I don't see why it's bad form to make that clear early on. If it's not what you're after then move on, to each their own.

louiseamd

xxtattyberxx wrote: »

In the past few weeks, Ive been asked out on a few dates. Each time obviously getting a little girly excited. The men in question are all well respected guys and would presume to be decent blokes.
However I havent seen any of these dates through as pretty much within the day of agreeing to it, the sleezy talk comes out, so this usually resolves in me deleting their number or blocking them etc as I am not that type of person and really dont think I give out that impression. Id much rather sit in on my own than feel objectified.
I havent been on the dating scene in yrs and think that men really dont seem to put in any effort at all. The last guy I dated never made any suggestions of sex so was never an issue, didnt sleep with him for a few weeks and ended up in a lovely 5 yr relationship.
If I wanted a one night stand Id hang around a nightclub at 3am. Why do men presume that you agree to a date that they automatically think that there in for a sure thing?
Where Im going with this is.... Is this the general consensus? Has the dating scene just turned into pure sleeze?

I've been there and there are those guys who are lovely at first and turn out to be pure sleeze. I have fallen into their traps many times and I often wonder are all men really assholes, what is it with the y chromosome??? I would definately get to know a guy first, play hard to get!
While we're on the topic of relationships/dating, I just want to say that I have dealt with many demanding mammies as I have sleazy guys. These are usually the mammies of the sleezy sons! I have been screwed over by guys who have promised me this and that. At the beginning of the Summer, I met a lovely guy, who at first I thought was way too nice, the chivalrous type. I wasn't used to nice guys and I was a bit gruff with him to be honest. I'm going out with him and I do not know myself, he's that great. I met his parents yesterday and they are so nice too, they really made me feel welcome in their house. I am just wondering if this is too good to be true or am I just beinng neurotic?