Morto!

Blush_01

Other people have an indescribable way of making you feel just a little bit embarrassed to be alive at times. Funny for other people, maybe, but not usually so funny for you at the time. I figure that we've all got a few little embarrassing things that have happened in the past, and I figured a thread where we could share the mortification (and maybe lift other people's spirits in the process) would be a good thing.

So I'll start:

My grandmother (in her early 90s) told me yesterday that she's praying for a boyfriend for me. (I figure unless it's Jesus she's after, she might be looking in the wrong place.)

bigtuna

I work in a hospital. I had to have an operation on my womb so being a tad uncomfortable I went to a different hospital in the city. My gynae was old so I didn't have a wax or anything. No problems you would think. I'm all ready to go in that god awful gown when in walks a porter to bring me up to theatre. One that works in the same hospital as me. Morto. When I was in recovery I saw a doc reviewing my chart and I recognised the cords and shoes. One of the junior docs from my hospital. I was absolutely mortified. Later I was telling my sis saying " how bad is it that I recognised him from his cords and shoes" and she said "how bad is it that every time you make his coffee he'll remember your ladygarden". Every time he was in the queue I would be saying to myself "please go to the next till". Nope! He went red, I went red. So uncomfortable and I never wanted to explain why I was going red to anybody else. 3 years later it's fine but man it was a daily embarassment for a long time.

Posy

I love the fact that this thread was started by someone called Blush_01!

barleybooley

I taught myself when I was still in national school to just not get bothered by embarrassing things and I don't! Like, something could happen that should be completely mortifying but I just figuratively shrug my shoulders and move on. Keep the stories coming though!

Sauve

There's a sales rep that I regularly deal with at work, he's absolutely drop-dead gorgeous.
It's usually all I can do to hold it together when he comes in, he's one of those rare men who make me stumble over my words and go all gooey just talking to him.
The last day he was in, I had just finished dealing with him, he walked out the door, I turned round to my colleague and said something like -
"Bloody hell, what I wouldn't do to that man".....
She burst out laughing and I turned around to see him RIGHT behind me. He had come back to give me a catalogue or something, and had clearly heard what I said.
The whole place bust out laughing, including him...
I actually considered looking for a new job that day

OkayWhatever

About 2 years ago I was in the shower and the doorbell rang. had no intention of answering it, but it kept on ringing.

After getting seriously frustrated, convinced it was my sister who forgot her key AGAIN, I got out of the shower, grabbed a towel and went to the front door.

I swung it open in a fit of rage, the door banged against the wall, and I shouted " BRING A F***ING KEY NEXT TIME YOU F***ING ******"

After recovering from my fit and realising that there was a man from Eircom Phone Watch standing in front of me, me soaking wet, shampoo in hair and wrapped up in a little towel, nearly died on the spot before having no choice but to let him in.

So embarrassed and awkward, don't think I could have apologized more

gmac102

i know my postman, he went to school with me! one day i was going down to the dryer to get clothes out after my shower and was naked, blinds up, he saw me... was like a rabbit in headlights i couldnt move or hide :rolleyes: i laughed tho cause i do clumsy stupid embarrassing things all the time

Das Kitty

This is one where the embarrassment crept up on me months later.

One day just after my son was born the postman called to the door with a package. So I went to open it, to an ashen-faced postman. He must be ill I thought, poor man.

At the time I was breastfeeding my son and struggling with it. The midwife advised me to let some air get at my nipples between feeds, so I used to go about the house with my nips out for periods of the day. I was quite good at tucking them in if someone came around but this day I forgot one of them.

Poor postie, one look at my cracked bleeding nips probably gave him nightmares!

Dudess

Yeah, my gran is no doubt praying for a man for me as I've not been in a serious relationship for quite a while now - I'd love to tell her that casual sex is so much more fun for me at the moment. :pac:

sam34

I posted this on boards at the time it happened, about three years ago, but still very embarrassing...


I walked up to the reception desk in my hairdressers and announced "I've an appointment for a blowjob" - obviously meaning a blow-dry!

absolutely cringe-inducing!

Reku

Dudess wrote: »

Yeah, my gran is no doubt praying for a man for me as I've not been in a serious relationship for quite a while now - I'd love to tell her that casual sex is so much more fun for me at the moment. :pac:

I bet she replies "Oh yes, for me too dear!", then you'd really be "morto".:p

MissFlitworth

I posted this when it happened as well but no harm in a rehash

Fadó fadó (aka late last year) I was working in an office block that was the opposite side of a very busy 3 lane road to the luas stop that got me home. To get to the luas stop you could either walk up to the traffic lights (faaaaar) and wait for them to change (lonnnnnng) or you could dash through 3 lanes of traffic while it was stopped and sort of leggit through the scrubby bushes at the side of the track until you got to the platform, nothing the safe cross code dog would recommend doing but could save you about 6 or 7 minutes.

All well & good until one day I was mid way across the road, right in front of a car, and my skirt fell off. Fell right off me onto the ground. It was a wrap skirt and it untied itself. I kind of walked a step on and realised I felt a bit breezy around the general arse area, then had to turn back, pick up my skirt and skuttle in just my tights and jumper across the remaining lane of traffic into the bushes. As I was standing in the bushes trying to get it back on a full, rush-hour luas went by me. The only saving grace is that the luas was well lit and the bushes I was standing in were a bit twilighty & dim, so I can pretend no one at all saw me.

Then a couple of months later I was walking by an all boys secondary school and the same skirt (will I ever learn...) fell down. I managed to catch it before it passed knee level but damage was done, had holes in bad places in my tights

Still expecting the knock of a community garda on my door with a little letter asking me to keep out of bushes & away from schools

Dudess

Reku wrote: »

Dudess wrote: »

Yeah, my gran is no doubt praying for a man for me as I've not been in a serious relationship for quite a while now - I'd love to tell her that casual sex is so much more fun for me at the moment. :pac:

I bet she replies "Oh yes, for me too dear!", then you'd really be "morto".:p

I'd both love it and hate it! :pac:

Posy

MissFlitworth wrote: »

Then a couple of months later I was walking by an all boys secondary school and the same skirt (will I ever learn...)

Pleeease tell me you've at least since thrown out that skirt!! :eek:

beks101

I embarrass myself on an almost-daily basis, nearly immune to it at this stage, although one incident a few months ago does stand out.

The lease was almost up on our apartment and we had a few items that we needed to get rid of before moving into a new place. TV, air conditioning unit, coffee table.

So my then-housemate met a nice Irish couple out one night, they were newly arrived in Toronto and needed furnishings for their new place. Grand, she says, call by the house next week - I'll be away but Beks101 can let you in to pick some stuff up.

I should mention that we lived in a small apartment with a kitchen-come-living room and from the front window, you could see right through the front to the back of the apartment.

So the evening in question, I had a dinner thing, so decided to hop into the shower and get ready for that before this couple arrived. Mid-shower, they turned up early and rang the buzzer several times, then started knocking on the front window. I didn't hear a thing. So I get out of the shower, dry myself off, and it being a rare occasion of having the apartment to myself, walk out of the bathroom butt naked, sans towel, (I should mention it was the height of summer and humidity was ridiculous) knock about the kitchen for a bit, take the chicken out of the oven, check my phone...then over to the living room where I plug my hair straightener in, hear a knock...look up and see two mortified faces staring back at me through the window.

I ran into my bedroom then, probably quicker than I've ever ran in my life and literally nose-dived into my bed with absolutely earth-shattering humiliation. It took me about 20 minutes to emerge, fully clothed and to answer the door to this couple I'd never met before, whose first encounter with me was me walking stark naked around the house. Cue red faces and an awkward, sheepish interaction with absolutely no mention of nakedness until several months later, by which stage I know them a little better and whenever the booze is out, our audience gets a full re-enactment from the guy (thanks Kev!) of our first meeting

MissFlitworth

Posy wrote: »

Pleeease tell me you've at least since thrown out that skirt!! :eek:

I wish I could...

I have started pinning it shut with a broach though, instead of just the useless ribbon tie, which helps matters hugely

Snoopy1

The postman is well used to seeing me wrapped in a towel, especially as i got locked out one day wearing just a slinky robe and the neighbour, had to rescue me till the landlord arrived.

I tend to speak before i think. I work with a bunch of blokes, and one day at dinner they were having some debate about whether you are born gay or something.
I turned around and said "i was born to love c*ck" I said it really loud and the whole canteen went quiet. I never lived it down

Das Kitty

Snoopy1 wrote: »

I tend to speak before i think. I work with a bunch of blokes, and one day at dinner they were having some debate about whether you are born gay or something.
I turned around and said "i was born to love c*ck" I said it really loud and the whole canteen went quiet. I never lived it down

That is so like something I would say.

baby and crumble

I have 2 really embarrassing (at the time, now I think they're hilarious!!) stories that get dragged out for things like this.

1) When I was just after moving to Dublin for college, baggy skater pants were really 'in', and I used to wear mine pretty low on my hips. My friend and I were going to get his bus on O'Connell St and i was carrying one of his bags. The bus went past and he started to run, meaning I had to aswell. Unfortunately, I tripped on the end of my baggies, and they went straight down to my ankles- and unfortunately, my undercrackers went with them. yes, I was lying bare arse up on O'Connell St in the middle of the day. My friend just turned and yelled at me to get up or he'd miss his bus. Like I gave a crap!!!

2) When I was about 20 I had to go get 3 of my wisdom teeth removed surgically, and I was booked into the Dental Hospital at the back of college, and so I had students attending my case- both the surgery and the recovery. I didn't mind, as most were rather lovely looking female dental students. I was given a huge amount of liquid valium as a tranquiliser, and was completely out of it. For surgery i was fully clothed (thank god!) but I had a rather lovely green paper hat on to keep my hair out of the way during surgery. In recovery, i kept on trying to flirt with the dental nurses, lots of talk about heart rates and my sexy green paper hat. (Bear in mind I had yet to actually come out so this was the first time my inhibitions were down enough to actually do this kind of thing!!) All the nurses were lovely, and basically just ignored my 'flirting'. Eventually I had to go to the bathroom and I went in and looked in the mirror. I had a MASSIVE line of blood and saliva drool the whole way down my face and neck from my mouth that was completely numb. :cool: Sex-ay.

Da Shins Kelly

Sauvignon82 wrote: »

There's a sales rep that I regularly deal with at work, he's absolutely drop-dead gorgeous.
It's usually all I can do to hold it together when he comes in, he's one of those rare men who make me stumble over my words and go all gooey just talking to him.
The last day he was in, I had just finished dealing with him, he walked out the door, I turned round to my colleague and said something like -
"Bloody hell, what I wouldn't do to that man".....
She burst out laughing and I turned around to see him RIGHT behind me. He had come back to give me a catalogue or something, and had clearly heard what I said.
The whole place bust out laughing, including him...
I actually considered looking for a new job that day

I actually feel embarrassed just reading that!

neuro-praxis

Me: I'd like €10 vodafone credit please
Shopkeep: That will be €10.99
Me: *Gasp* You should tell people when you add 99 cents to the price!
Shopkeep: That 99 cents is for your bar of chocolate
Me: *dies inside*

Ophiopogon

I have a really stupid habit of clapping when I'm excited about something which is embarrassing in itself as I end up looking like a moronic seal.

A few years ago, in a very long, very serious lecture I drifted off thinking about something I was looking forward to. I came to clapping away to myself with the whole class looking at me as well as a very unimpressed lecturer.

NewFrockTuesday

25, first time in a gym on the treadmill. Ran like a loony for miles. No one told me you get dizzy when you stop and step off. I helicoptered around the place taking half the clientele down while I was at it. Worse than Nam.

Brave soul that I am, went back again once sufficient time had passed, I had dyed my hair, got a new passport and fake tanned up to the last.

Again, on the treadmill running like a foster child from a spanking. Got really hot and the tan was sweating down into my eyes and stinging me. I grabbed my towel, rubbed my face and got every bit of tan I could off. Went to hang my towel back on the handlebar and saw my own sitting there - I had grabbed the guys next to me towel and destroyed it with fake bake.
My eyes were open so wide I looked like a Sound Garden extra.
Last grim gym tale.
Decided that treadmills were not the way for me. Ho no! Im off to do a Step Class! Even though I look like Quasimodo being attacked by invisible bees when I am dancing, I decide nothing could be worse that the previous occasions.

I get in a little late to the session and get stuck up the front in between 2 Aryan bunnies in perfect spandex. I note very quickly that I can’t mirror the instructor as I keep getting mixed up - when her right arm is up, my left one is cos thats what it looks like to me facing her. Everyone else in the class seems really good and Im left wondering why its so difficult if its a beginners class. And the steps! Oh my God! My legs are turning to the tightest of jelly springs.
I’m winded, wheezing, in severe pain and making an utter fool of myself. Then I cop......I’m in the advanced class. Through the glass wall I see in the next room everybody stepping up and down really slowly doing a 5 to 1 count and relaxing....
....I bend down, get my water and towel, pick up the step and wobble backwards out of the class.
I didn’t go back to the gym for a long long time. Every time I walked in the door from it my housemates would wait for the next instalment. I only went back when they joined with me. I was too morto to go alone.

LenaClaire

Speaking of bad gym stories. I was new at a gym and luckily the guy showing me around was a friend because I saw this machine used to exercise your arms..



And asked him how the heck you got your legs up there

He still teases me about that one.

I also used to have a really cute 2 layer skirt. The bottom layer was sort of satiny and the top was a very sheer chiffon with a pattern. I was going to the bus in the morning and this hot guy rides by on a bike and is staring at me. Que me thinking I am this shiznit until I realize that the satin skirt is tucked into my nylons and I only had the sheer layer covering me and the dude could see my underwear I never wore that skirt again.

binxeo

When I went into labour with my son I was schedule to get a section because he was in a dangerous position. So rushed into the hospital and all the midwives and nurses are prepping me for surgery. For those of you that don know you have to get a catheter fitted. So I was lying on the trolley they would bring me into theater in and the nurses were prodding and poking at me and it was uncomfortable as hell trying to fit the catheter. I must have looked really scared or worried or something because one of the young foreign nurses tried to make a joke and said with biggest smile on her face " Your stretch-marks make down there look like a train track" Well I was scarlet and then I started crying...obviously being pregnant you lose sight of down there for a time lol I didn't know I had stretch marks there. I was so upset. The poor nurse was all apologies she said she only want to make me laugh and cheer me up cause I looked so scared. I was just so embarrassed. It is bad enough being exposed and in pain without worrying about your stretch marks. I will never forget the whole thing. Funny now, but so embarrassing and kinda upsetting at the time.

Aussie Sean

Spent a month in hospital many moons ago and fell madly in love with one of the catering staff. Coming to from one of my operations I was surrounded by nurses,doctors and fellow patients who were all I suddenly realised,pissing themselves laughing!! Turns out I had spent the previous ten minutes or so crying and declaring my undying love for said member of catering staff:o:o. Needless to say I was ribbed endlessly for the rest of my stay!!:D:D

Had the last laugh though!! If you know what I mean!!;);)

Storminateacup

NewFrockTuesday wrote: »

25, first time in a gym on the treadmill. Ran like a loony for miles. No one told me you get dizzy when you stop and step off. I helicoptered around the place taking half the clientele down while I was at it. Worse than Nam.

Brave soul that I am, went back again once sufficient time had passed, I had dyed my hair, got a new passport and fake tanned up to the last.

Again, on the treadmill running like a foster child from a spanking. Got really hot and the tan was sweating down into my eyes and stinging me. I grabbed my towel, rubbed my face and got every bit of tan I could off. Went to hang my towel back on the handlebar and saw my own sitting there - I had grabbed the guys next to me towel and destroyed it with fake bake.
My eyes were open so wide I looked like a Sound Garden extra.
Last grim gym tale.
Decided that treadmills were not the way for me. Ho no! Im off to do a Step Class! Even though I look like Quasimodo being attacked by invisible bees when I am dancing, I decide nothing could be worse that the previous occasions.

I get in a little late to the session and get stuck up the front in between 2 Aryan bunnies in perfect spandex. I note very quickly that I can’t mirror the instructor as I keep getting mixed up - when her right arm is up, my left one is cos thats what it looks like to me facing her. Everyone else in the class seems really good and Im left wondering why its so difficult if its a beginners class. And the steps! Oh my God! My legs are turning to the tightest of jelly springs.
I’m winded, wheezing, in severe pain and making an utter fool of myself. Then I cop......I’m in the advanced class. Through the glass wall I see in the next room everybody stepping up and down really slowly doing a 5 to 1 count and relaxing....
....I bend down, get my water and towel, pick up the step and wobble backwards out of the class.
I didn’t go back to the gym for a long long time. Every time I walked in the door from it my housemates would wait for the next instalment. I only went back when they joined with me. I was too morto to go alone.

I swear to god I laughed so hard I almost chipped a tooth

AnnaVanilla

I have this really embarrassing thing where I faint if it's warm, if it's noisy, if I haven't had enough water to drink etc, doesn't happen that often, once or twice a year, but it's always in the most inconvenient places: on the train, in a pub, cinema etc. People always think it's epilepsy when I come to and I've stopped trying to explain that I just pass out a lot. It's nothing serious at all and I'm fine after a few minutes, but I came to this one time where I'd fainted in a crowded pub, having been carried outside the pub, there was an ambulance waiting and about a million people from the pub standing around me or looking out the windows, everyone thinking that I'd passed out from drink

Oh and I set my hair on fire standing next to a candle at a wedding recently and the entire room smelled like burned pig for the rest of the evening...

AnnaVanilla

And before you ask, I'm NOT the girl from the legendary boards threads in AH who collapsed on the dart with no underwear :P

Honey-ec

My sister was at the O'Brien's kiosk beside Jury's in Ballsbridge with a friend of hers from work a few years back. "What are you going to have?" she asks the friend, who orders in a very loud voice (cause, y'know, that's how you talk to foreign service staff) "I'LL HAVE ONE OF THOSE HAM AND CHEESE PUNANIS, PLEASE."

Posy

binxeo wrote: »

Your stretch-marks make down there look like a train track" Well I was scarlet and then I started crying...obviously being pregnant you lose sight of down there for a time lol I didn't know I had stretch marks there. I was so upset...
Funny now, but so embarrassing and kinda upsetting at the time.

That sounds like a horrible experience! Maybe I just have no sense of humour but that just seems like a totally unnecessary and mean thing to say!


Loving this whole thread by the way!

Vain

Mine would be cycling back to school one day after lunch doing the 10min cycle I done 4 times a day for 5 years so was day dreaming away next min I know im flat on my ass on the ground and a guy yells out the window of a car going passed "ya fecking donkey" I had cycled straight into a back of a parked car:D

No damage done to the car thank god but was fair mad as its not some where you can park your car sticking out on a main road!

ICANN

As I was leaving home heading back to England my mother gave me a kiss on the cheek. I noticed people looking at me a bit weird in the departure lounge, then the air hostess gave me a second glance, then the woman I sat opposite on the train at Stansted looked at me like I was a disgusting human being. I caught sight of my reflection in the train window and saw that I had a big lipstick stain the shape of an actual set of lips on my cheek. I cursed the fact that I avoid looking at myself in mirrors.

SligoLady

A few months back I was waiting on a lift (elevator kind) with a friend. I was rooting around in my handbag for my car keys when another guy came up beside us to wait for the lift. With my furious rooting, I knocked something out of my bag and without thinking yer man bends over to pick it up and says 'you dropped your.... ehhh....' before recoiling in horror at my tampon lying on the ground!

I don't know who was more embarrassed, me or him!

Snoopy1

Another one i just remembered. years ago i had just moved into a new house. I had packed everything in bin liners, and just emptied one on the bed, when doorbell went. It was landlord and he had to check something in bedroom (cant remember what)
It was only after he left i remembered the stuff on the bed. Went up to unpack, and what was laying on the bed in full view. A massive vibrator


The shame!!!

cdaly_

Ah, I remember many years ago going to the shop to get sanitary towels for my gf. Small everything shop. Got the pack off the shelf, put it on the counter. The man behind the counter picked it up, realised what it was and rushed off to get a paper bag to hide them in. I wasn't bothered but the poor shopkeeper was morto!...

Honey-ec

cdaly_ wrote: »

Ah, I remember many years ago going to the shop to get sanitary towels for my gf. Small everything shop. Got the pack off the shelf, put it on the counter. The man behind the counter picked it up, realised what it was and rushed off to get a paper bag to hide them in. I wasn't bothered but the poor shopkeeper was morto!...

An ex of mine used to work in a shop like that and the owner wouldn't stock sanitary towels or tampons because he didn't want to handle them.

Loser.

Starokan

I've had a few embarrassing experiences but one that really sticks in my mind was about 8 or 9 years ago when i was unemployed for a few months.

I was going for an interview for a job I really really wanted. Anyhow's i got myself suited and booted and headed off to it. Was running through likely questions in my mind all the way there so was not paying much attention to anyone.

Got to the offices (it was for a bank) and headed in, all good, friendly receptionist directs me to the interview area. Im first in so no one else around, get called in , answer variety of questions all going good, then one of the guys on the interview panel starts talking about personal appearance and how important it is to the bank. I'm sitting there nodding and agreeing , cue awkward silence until the lady on the panel says its your facial hair he is referring too, is this a style you are going to keep as it would not be deemed suitable for the general public.

I'm like wtf are you talking about, then i put my hand to my face and sweet jesus i had only shaved half my face, the other half had about 2 weeks growth on it with the shaving foam dried into it :o:o

still to this day don't know how i managed it , cringe every time i think of it

ICANN

I went to school with my nightdress on under my uniform when I was 7. I had a good reason at the time. I regretted it when it turned out to be a good four inches longer than my school pinafore. My mam mangled me when I got home.

Conor Bourke

ICANN wrote: »

I went to school with my nightdress on under my uniform when I was 7. I had a good reason at the time. I regretted it when it turned out to be a good four inches longer than my school pinafore. My mam mangled me when I got home.

PLEASE explain why!

battleaxe88

Im in stitches here!! Great thread.

Can only think of one embarrassing story.
My b/f had a pair of trousers he that had ripped at the pockets, he had no reciept for them, but I said I'd bring them back to the shop as they were obvioulsy faulty.(He only had them a week). So, I went into Next, up to the till and explained to the girl that my b/f had only bought them and even though I didnt have my receipt I should be entitled to an exchange cause they were faulty. So the sales assisitant goes off to find a manager to get advise. Meanwhile I'm a the till, armsfolded feeling self rightuoes, when she comes back and says " eh... you bought them in Dunnes"

felt like an absolute d**k!!

Neyite

Honey-ec wrote: »

An ex of mine used to work in a shop like that and the owner wouldn't stock sanitary towels or tampons because he didn't want to handle them.

Loser.

A few weeks ago I was craving a beer. I was smelling my partners from across the room, but being pregnant, it was off limits, so one day he texted to ask if I needed anything on the way home so I asked him to get a few non-alco becks for me.

He came in with them with a mock look of disgust on his face saying "he would have preferred to be buying heaps of sanitary towels and tampax as it was less embarrassing than buying pretend beer"


Ok, so a couple of mine:

In Yankee Candle, was getting some nice air fresheners for our new car. Held up the leather scented one and asked the sales girl "what does this one smell like?"
Her: "er...leather..." nice and slowly for the idiot I clearly was.
Me:
I hope it earned her a pint in the pub later on as she regaled her mates. Have been looking in Cries of Retail to see if I'm famous yet!.

****

When I was about 12, my bikini bottoms fell off as I was climbing out of the water onto a raft. In front of the boy I had a killer crush on. Who proceeded to destroy me in front of everyone by pointing it out and jeering and swiping the bottoms so I was stuck in the water for ages.

saa

Sitting at my boyfriends family thing

someone looks at me
"you're very quiet"
"shes always very quiet.."
"yep"
..long awkward quiet pause

Dammit I like being quiet..

trixie_belle12

Years ago was working for a prestigious construction company and was attending my first Christmas party with them. I was quite young at the time and didn't really know what to wear but ended up buying an expensive dress that I thought I liked in a shop in town.

All fine wore the dress although I actually hated it and then thought why not just wear it tonight and return it to the shop during the week (youth!)

Anyway I get the dress dry-cleaned as it's pretty much in perfect nick and bring it to the shop for a refund. All is going fine until the sales assistant spots the dry cleaning tag pinned on the dress with a safety pin. Morto wasn't the word I ran out of there with my tail between my legs!:o

Nead21

I still cringe when I think of this...

A few years ago, myself and my fiance were living in an apartment with an underground carpark. I had been off work for a few days so hadn't been driving my car, and when I went to look for my car keys I couldn't find them.Tore the whole apartment apart, and was convinced that I had dropped the keys on the way up from the carpark, someone had found them, and now my car was going to be taken. Fiance decided the best thing was to have his dad tow the car to his parent's house (40miles away!!), while we sort out a new key.

So we towed the car to his parent's house, and after that very stressful day, we decided to go for a quite drink in the local. During the night I was looking for my phone in my bag and found my car key

Das Kitty

Remembered another.

We had our honeymoon in Iceland, on our last day we went to the Blue Lagoon for the day. One of the features is a really really strong waterfall, it actually hurts to stand under it, but it does wonders for your shoulders.

Here it is:


There was a bit of a queue so there were people waiting to get under it after me. I noticed that everyone waiting started looking shifty, then I realised that my bikini top had taken off on a trip. Oh dear

My boobs are always getting me in trouble.

Honey-ec

Posted about this already, but not in its full glory. I managed to get myself stuck in a dress in the fitting room of New Look last week. I had a dinner to go to on Friday so I thought I might buy myself a new gúna deas to wear to it, so off I toddled on Monday to try some on. Unfortunately, said shop has apparently decided to buck the trend of vanity sizing and adopt a policy of "take you down a peg or two" sizing instead. Having had to buy size ten trousers and shorts in the last few places I bought clothes; I thought I'd be whistling dixie by opting for size 12 dresses. This was not the case. Think of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man in a sparkly frock and you'll be some way towards visualising how I looked. Deflated (in spirit, anyway, clearly not in body), I left the dressing room and trudged towards the exit. However, just at the door, I spotted another dress that looked like it might be cut a bit more, generously, shall we say. I grabbed it and returned to the dressing room. Pulling it over my head, I will admit that the thought that it was a bit tight across the chest crossed my mind. I got it on though, and stood back to have a look. It was rotten. Baggy and saggy around the hips, and absolutely bet onto me around my chest. "Bleurgh," said I, and went to take it off. It came as far as my rib-cage, and stopped. "Ah for Jaysis sake," says I, and tried again. It went maybe an inch further, then stuck fast again. I'm starting to panic a bit at this stage. Not only is the dress apparently spot-welded to my skin, it's made entirely of sequins and the bastards are taking the back off me. I pull it back down. I take a few deep breaths. I tell myself that if I got the dress on, I can get it back off. I exhale as deeply as I can in an attempt to shrink my ribcage a few millimetres and try one last attempt. I nearly get my elbows trapped inside it this time. I realise that the only way I'm getting out of this dress is by standing with my arms straight up over my head while someone else pulls it off.

I should mention at this juncture that I had taken off my bra so I could properly see how the dress, a racerback, would look.

Cringe.

Let this be a warning to you ladies: never shop alone lest you fall afoul of a recalcitrant dress and have to flash your boobs to a complete stranger who is probably being paid minimum wage.

Thankfully, the dressing room assistant was one of those middle-aged, salt-of-the-earth Dublin mammies who has probably seen far worse in her time. I called her in, sheepishly explained the situation and asked her to help me. Thus commenced a frenzied kind of tug-of-war with her at one end, pulling like bejaysis and me at the other like the back end of a panto horse. "I don't want to hurt you!" says she. "I don't care, just get the shaggin' thing off me!" says I. "Jaysis, but this is a terrible cut," says she. "Who are you telling?" says I. Then, like the cork coming out of a particularly stubborn bottle of champagne, out I popped. The relief! She legged it, probably to get on to head office and tell them they needed to recall such a dangerously faulty item, while I got dressed in a hurry and hung the dress back on its hanger. Where I spotted the hidden zip running the full length of the side seam. The. Full. Length.

Duckee

Ok I was enjoying this so much I have to give my two cents.

When I was about 10 I was on hols in the UK with the folks. The morning before we all headed off my mam said to me that she'd bought me some new clothes and had left them on the bed in my room. So I went upstairs to check out the goods and saw a pair of trousers and matching top. Great, I thought, I'll pack them and wear them on hols.

A few days later we were going to an amusement park for the day and I thought today's the day to wear the new stuff. So I put on my new clothes, and my usual pair of boots and off we all went.

The minute we got out in public, I was getting loads of stares and I was thinking 'jaysus this outfit must be great, everyone's looking at me'. It was only when we got back that evening that my Dad said, 'are you making a statement or something?'. I must have looked totally confused because then he said 'I mean, I know people are different with clothes n stuff but I don't get why you wore the pyjamas your mother bought you, to a theme park'. Morto - I still cringe!

Blush_01

An incident in work yesterday reminded me of this one:

In college I used to work for a company that travelled the country doing the quarterly stock takes for grocery shops. We all wore icky uniforms, with an ordinary pair of black trousers. Because a lot of time could be spent crawling around on stockroom and shop floors, the trousers tended to be of the shiny-at-the-seams-with-age variety. This came back to bite me (almost literally) in the a$$.

One particular day, I was bending down when I heard a ripping sound. I thought nothing of it, toddled along, got my work done. A few hours later, more ripping sounds, and a little bit of a draught in the bottom area. Oops, I thought, we have a problem.

That was an understatement.

Thankfully I wore black underwear, because the back seam of the trousers had split, and I was baring black-clad bum to the entire shop - a large, well-known grocery shop.

I thought I was going to die of embarrassment (badum tish) but being the proactive, organised and forward-planning girl I am, I got my little sewing kit out of my bag and mended the hole in the rear of my trousers in the staff loo. Crisis averted? I thought so.

Then one of my colleagues (lovely, kind souls that they are) pointed out that they had had a bet on to see how long it would take me to cop that I was borderline mooning a shop full of busy customers on one of the busiest Saturdays before Christmas, and that she had won, so she was buying me a pint.

Morto. I don't even drink pints.

fallen01angel

This is one of the funniest threads I've ever read on boards,keep them coming!!My small contribution:
I was on a flight back from the Isle of Man,was bursting to go for a pee (have a fear of airplane toilets and had NEVER used one previously),couldn't cope with it any longer so off to the toilet I went.Did what I had to do,pulled up my underwear,but not my trousers(...oh God was I sorry I didn't,and also have no idea why I didn't).Turned my back to the door looking for the instructions on how to use the flush,taps etc,felt a draught but ignored it,too busy looking for the bloody instructions.Eventually maybe 2 mins later,turned around to discover that I hadn't closed/locked the door and it was now wide open with my white bum was on display for passing air hostess's and passengers to see.......
Slammed the door shut,cringing inside mentally screaming "f**kit f**kit" when the voice came over the intercom saying "We are now preparing to commence our descent.....will all passengers please take their seats" so I slinked passed the air hostess's who were bent over trying not to laugh into my extremely red face and buried myself into my seat.I have never exited a plane as fast and it was 4 years before I managed to use and airplane loo again!!:o:o

Kimia

fallen01angel wrote: »

This is one of the funniest threads I've ever read on boards,keep them coming!!My small contribution:
I was on a flight back from the Isle of Man,was bursting to go for a pee (have a fear of airplane toilets and had NEVER used one previously),couldn't cope with it any longer so off to the toilet I went.Did what I had to do,pulled up my underwear,but not my trousers(...oh God was I sorry I didn't,and also have no idea why I didn't).Turned my back to the door looking for the instructions on how to use the flush,taps etc,felt a draught but ignored it,too busy looking for the bloody instructions.Eventually maybe 2 mins later,turned around to discover that I hadn't closed/locked the door and it was now wide open with my white bum was on display for passing air hostess's and passengers to see.......
Slammed the door shut,cringing inside mentally screaming "f**kit f**kit" when the voice came over the intercom saying "We are now preparing to commence our descent.....will all passengers please take their seats" so I slinked passed the air hostess's who were bent over trying not to laugh into my extremely red face and buried myself into my seat.I have never exited a plane as fast and it was 4 years before I managed to use and airplane loo again!!:o:o

Those dam airplane loos - I always think they'll suck me out of the plane arse-first!