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Do men lose their freedom after marriage

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    #32
    flutterflye
    Registered Users Posts: 3,538 ✭✭✭flutterflye


    There are some very strange views and outlooks in this thread!! :eek:


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    #33
    Pherekydes
    Registered Users Posts: 16,156 ✭✭✭✭Pherekydes


    Kojak wrote: »
    Marriage is only a con for people to get their hands on the other half's money. The only time you should get married is when the Oh has much more money (or assets) than you. So then in a divorce proceedings, you will make a net gain.

    Of course if you don't get married the State will get a lot more of your OH's assets upon death.

    I got divorced. I got the house, the kids and didn't pay a cent towards the divvy.

    So those saying it's always the men who lose out are just plain wrong.


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    #34
    Pherekydes
    Registered Users Posts: 16,156 ✭✭✭✭Pherekydes


    hatrickpatrick wrote: »
    Marriage is a bad deal for men...

    Marriage is not a deal, it's a partnership.


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    #35
    Doc Ruby
    Registered Users Posts: 3,956 ✭✭✭Doc Ruby


    Pherekydes wrote: »
    I got divorced. I got the house, the kids and didn't pay a cent towards the divvy.

    So those saying it's always the men who lose out are just plain wrong.
    And what would you say the legal state of being married added to your life while you were married?

    Apologies to those who feel the thread has gotten nasty, but this is the hard cold reality being faced right now by many men across Ireland. If its nasty then so is reality.


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    #36
    philologos
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,479 ✭✭✭✭philologos


    dilbert2 wrote: »
    From what I have seen, both in the real world and in the media, it seems that men lose a lot of freedom upon becoming married/ becoming husbands. Not only are they tied to one woman and bound by many other obligations, but it seems that many, if not most become child like, seeking their wives permission to go places, where they can go, who they can see (friends and family), how to spend their money etc.

    You mean that once people get married that they care and consider the other person in making decisions that concerns them both? I wouldn't call that losing freedom I'd call that making reasonable compromises as there are 2 people to consider rather than 1?

    When or if children arrive responsibilities are another factor.


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    #37
    Frank Black
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,296 ✭✭✭Frank Black


    Lose your freedom when you get married - er no.


    Having kids, now that's a whole different ball game.


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    #38
    Pherekydes
    Registered Users Posts: 16,156 ✭✭✭✭Pherekydes


    Doc Ruby wrote: »
    And what would you say the legal state of being married added to your life while you were married?

    Security, from the State, rather than my wife.


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    #39
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    flutterflye wrote: »
    There are some very strange views and outlooks in this thread!! :eek:

    Some complete mongos, you mean.


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    #40
    Giblet
    Registered Users Posts: 11,979 ✭✭✭✭Giblet


    So you're single, and bored because your mate won't head out for a drink?


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    #41
    Latchy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    Ickle Magoo wrote: »
    Is it not beyond fecking obvious that a couple, with shared income, bills, responsibilities and life would both have less freedom to do what they want when they want, than when they were single? :confused:
    Indeed , you only have to look at some celebrity marriages to see that in many cases , having plenty of money also equals freedom to go out whenever and have a good time 'all the time ' which usually results in the divorce courts simply because to much freedom to do as one pleases by both sides can be the worst kind of recipe for any marraige .
    spurious wrote: »
    I agree, but people who are married and think they can just carry on as if they are single, moaning about feeling restricted by their partner's needs or wants need to 'grow up'.
    Which also suggests there are a lot of married people who aren't really commited to or understand the whole concept of what marraige is supposed to be all about .


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    #42
    dilbert2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 364 ✭✭dilbert2


    Callan57 wrote: »
    Generally referred to as growing up

    How is accepting a loss of personal freedom "growing up"?


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    #43
    PeefsPixie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 140 ✭✭PeefsPixie


    Seeing the negative views of marriage on here is actually kind of sad. Im almost 21 and Id love to get married in the future... Id gladly sign a pre nup if it was that big of a deal but Id be hurt if I was asked because I would never want to take anything that wasnt mine even if things went wrong. I just look forward to the love and security of having someone who wants to spend the rest of their life with me. They can go out and do what they want as long as they respect me and my freedom equally. Marriage isnt any kind of trap =(


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    #44
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    No. Why would they? Do women?

    I was out with my friends last night, my husband knew I was heading out and said have a good time. He didn't know where I was going or what time I'd be home out. He's out tonight with his mates, again I haven't a clue where he's headed to (nor do I really care) and he'll come home when he's done, as long as he doesn't make too much noise coming in I don't care what time he calls it a night. Tomorrow we'll have a night out the two of us, next weekend who knows?

    SOME people might think "We're married, he/she should be reigning in the nights out" but that's bull. We have a baby on the way which means the social life will go downhill a bit for a while but that's why we don't mind having a good old time together or separately for now.

    I know my husband doesn't feel like he's lost his freedom and neither do I. We love being married and it was our choice to solemise our relationship and vow to spend our lives together. So far its only been a good thing for our relationship and I can't imagine my husband or me having some of the negative attitudes about marriage I read here and on other forums on Boards. If marriage is not for you, don't do it, but don't assume everyone else shouldn't do it either and that its all bad.


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    #45
    kupus
    Registered Users Posts: 4,151 ✭✭✭kupus


    flutterflye wrote: »
    There are some very strange views and outlooks in this thread!! :eek:

    No there is not,
    Run just run,
    quickly before she finds you and you have to go shopping for shoes and you have to be the guy sitting beside all the other guys on the couch while you're putting your shoes on.............
    And yes each of us give the secret head nod to each other, its very subtle and if you dont know what your looking for you'll miss it


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    #46
    flutterflye
    Registered Users Posts: 3,538 ✭✭✭flutterflye


    kupus wrote: »
    No there is not,
    Run just run,
    quickly before she finds you and you have to go shopping for shoes and you have to be the guy sitting beside all the other guys on the couch while you're putting your shoes on.............
    And yes each of us give the secret head nod to each other, its very subtle and if you dont know what your looking for you'll miss it

    Eh, firstly, I am a girl, in a heterosexual marraige!

    Secondly, that whole girl dragging guys around shops while they try on various items for them that you see in movies - I have never witnessed this in real life.

    And thirdly - Wtf are you on about? Are you high???! :)


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    #47
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    flutterflye wrote: »

    Secondly, that whole girl dragging guys around shops while they try on various items for them that you see in movies - I have never witnessed this in real life.

    Huge +1 on the "Oh, the ball and chain has you out shopping" nonsense. Not every girl spends hours shopping for shoes and bags. I'm not very keen on shopping at all, so I tend to buy online or give myself an hour after work to find what I need on my own. Spending a Saturday shopping is my idea of hell, and I know himself feels the same.


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    #48
    Biggins
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 34,567 ✭✭✭✭Biggins


    kupus wrote: »
    ...each of us give the secret head nod to each other, its very subtle and if you dont know what your looking for you'll miss it

    Two words.

    "Pure cobblers."


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    #49
    psychward
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,187 ✭✭✭psychward


    yes men who get married have the potential to be screwed royally. be very careful about such a legal contract and treat it very seriously. its supposed to be all about emotion however someone slips a legal contract in there and that's a discordent note unless you adopt a legal mindset towards such a thing.


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    #50
    Bride2012
    Registered Users Posts: 294 ✭✭Bride2012


    People get married to make a commitment, not set up a prison. Marriage is important in the legal sense if you've kids because Irish law needs to be updated e.g. if an unmarried father is caring for a child and he/she has an accident and needs to go to hospital for emergency surgery, legaly he isn't considered next of kin and can't give consent for that surgery.


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    #51
    psychward
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,187 ✭✭✭psychward


    Bride2012 wrote: »
    People get married to make a commitment, not set up a prison. Marriage is important in the legal sense if you've kids because Irish law needs to be updated e.g. if an unmarried father is caring for a child and he/she has an accident and needs to go to hospital for emergency surgery, legaly he isn't considered next of kin and can't give consent for that surgery.

    what if his name is on the birth cert ? :confused:


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    #52
    Bride2012
    Registered Users Posts: 294 ✭✭Bride2012


    psychward wrote: »
    Bride2012 wrote: »
    People get married to make a commitment, not set up a prison. Marriage is important in the legal sense if you've kids because Irish law needs to be updated e.g. if an unmarried father is caring for a child and he/she has an accident and needs to go to hospital for emergency surgery, legaly he isn't considered next of kin and can't give consent for that surgery.

    what if his name is on the birth cert ? :confused:
    legally it doesn't have the same weight. Birth cert doesn't mean next of kin


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    #53
    LH Pathe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,515 ✭✭✭LH Pathe


    Considering the classic back to square-one head congester I just had, with the two headed hydra that is my ma n her partner; absolutely.. no independent perspective and my lone version will be shot down cos there's two oft hem you see - by proxy.

    /what's marriage got to do with it.


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    #54
    Caraville
    Registered Users Posts: 854 ✭✭✭Caraville


    God this thread is slightly depressing... so many young men feeling so negative towards marriage :(

    Obviously you do lose a certain amount of your freedom- you have to consider another person before doing things and can't just do things cos you feel like it. But is that not just part of being in a mature relationship? If you don't want to have to work around somebody else, then get out of dodge and break up with the person. Freedom is all yours then.

    So long as the relationship is fair and balanced though, there shouldn't be a need to view it as a loss of freedom though- but as a compromise you are happy to make for the happiness of the person you love because they make you happy in other ways.

    Edit- I still don't understand why the OP only refers to men in this though. Women lose just as much of their freedom too. But for some reason it seems much worse for men, no idea why.


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    #55
    snafuk35
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 833 ✭✭✭snafuk35


    Sam Kinison spoke the truth:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o70wMlJO3ck


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    #56
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    kupus wrote: »
    No there is not,
    Run just run,
    quickly before she finds you and you have to go shopping for shoes and you have to be the guy sitting beside all the other guys on the couch while you're putting your shoes on.............
    And yes each of us give the secret head nod to each other, its very subtle and if you dont know what your looking for you'll miss it

    You sound like it's only your ma you go shoe shopping with?


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    #57
    lmaopml
    Registered Users Posts: 3,080 ✭✭✭lmaopml


    dilbert2 wrote: »
    From what I have seen, both in the real world and in the media, it seems that men lose a lot of freedom upon becoming married/ becoming husbands. Not only are they tied to one woman and bound by many other obligations, but it seems that many, if not most become child like, seeking their wives permission to go places, where they can go, who they can see (friends and family), how to spend their money etc.

    Not that all men are in this predicament of course, but from what I've seen in the majority of cases is that upon getting married, most men lose an awful lot of freedom. Would you agree?

    Perhaps some do...depending.

    Personally I don't think it's wise to put a noose around a partners neck, if they are an individual with a hobbie etc. than it's important to know when you actually 'get' married that you know the other person male or female and don't have an ambition to gag them, or control them according to what you believe they 'should' be. 'Gagging' never works out well...

    I think it's good to be both a couple and a pair of individuals too ...it's healthy.

    Unless their passion is infidelity, then male or female that doesn't go down too well....that's kind of a deal breaker methinks.


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