Swimming Pool Incident

LindsayLotz

Today I was at the swimming pool, and in the pool which is for fun or weaker swimmers, I was trying to swim and do some laps. I'm not a strong swimmer so I can't do that many. As there were people around and some were in my way, I would stop swimming so I could walk past them.

Then one time I felt as someone had pinched my breast and when I turned around, a young guy of about 17 or 18 years old swam away. I assumed it was an accident and that he had just hit off me as he was passing.

But then a few minutes later, when I was going past him again, he whispered to his friend and definitely pinched my breast again. It made me feel like crap so I just left the swimming pool. I'm only a few years older than he looked so it's not as if he did it to an old woman.

But the thing is, it made me feel like such crap. And I don't know whether I should have mentioned it to a lifeguard or said something to him. I'm not great with words (as you can probably tell!) so I wouldn't have come off great by talking to him cos no matter what he said I would have backed down.

How would the other boardsies have reacted in that situation? Should I have told the life guard or am I making a big deal out of nothing?

MrStuffins

I'm not a woman, but if I was i'd have told the lifeguard and then probably told the Gardai and brought charges of sexual assault against the little bastard!

gernon

You should report him to Management asap.

manlad

Thats pretty much sexual harassment. If he was aged 17/18 he knew what he was at. Pretty horrible thing to do and I don't blame you for feeling crap after it. You should have mentioned it to the management, the might have recognised the person in question. Its a pretty perverted thing to do and he shouldn't be allowed to get away with it.

LindsayLotz

Thanks for your responses. At the time I was thinking it was an invasion of my privacy/personal space but I didnt know if thats how other people see it and I thought if I told the lifeguard they would just say it was nothing and not mention anything to the guy. But it has been on my mind all day so I know its bothering me a lot.

ballsymchugh

LindsayLotz wrote: »

Thanks for your responses. At the time I was thinking it was an invasion of my privacy/personal space but I didnt know if thats how other people see it and I thought if I told the lifeguard they would just say it was nothing and not mention anything to the guy. But it has been on my mind all day so I know its bothering me a lot.

if the lifeguard were to say that, then report him/her to management too.
if that's a member's pool, then you should look to have the guy's membership rescinded, if it's a public one, then you should look to have him banned. if it's the latter, and the management won't act, then write to a local councillor.
that's apart from telling the gardai about it.

AG2R

Should have kicked the **** out of him.
THat is out of order and sexual assault, report him.

Yup, that is essentially sexual harassment. Go back to the swimming pool tomorrow and inform management of it. Try to give as much detail as possible to them. If it ever happens again, report it straight away as more could be done then.

phoenix833

Yup sexual harrassment IMO. My gym has cameras in the swimming pool area so you should enquire if yours does too.

And they should have a log of who visited the gym today as well. Be easier to spot the little bástard.

ballsymchugh

Deleted User wrote: »

Yup, that is essentially sexual harassment. Go back to the swimming pool tomorrow and inform management of it. Try to give as much detail as possible to them. If it ever happens again, report it straight away as more could be done then.

make sure they check cctv too. i wouldn't be surprised if that wasn't the first time the little fcuker did that.

Caraville

Ah OP you poor thing, that's horrible- what a little s**t. You should definitely report him. I know it's hard but he'll only do it again if he's not confronted about it. As somebody else said, at 17/16 he knows exactly what he's doing and should know better.

Hope you're not letting it get to you too much, not a nice thing to happen to you

stinkle

what a horrible thing to have happened, definitely report it if it's preying on your mind. Have you told a friend about it? If not, do and get them to come with you if you decide to report it, on the off chance the lifeguards/management aren't helpful then a friend can back you up and give moral support, as well as being a witness if you need to take things further (e.g. with Gardaí if gym staff aren't helpful).

Your complaint should most DEFINITELY be taken seriously though!!!!!! Maybe ask to speak to a female staff member if there's one around. Just remember you didn't do anything wrong, no one should be harassed like that for any reason whatsoever. Hopefully you'll feel better for reporting it, and preventing it happening to another unsuspecting swimmer. Good luck

WindSock

Yeah deffo report him, bring a friend with you for support if you feel nervous. There are most likely cameras there too. Give the pool a call tomorrow or Monday and ask to speak to the management, it will be in their best interests to help you and apprehend the culprit. No one wants this type of thing happening at all and it is a preposterous act to be carried out by someone.

Try to do it as soon as you can and have the time and description written down so they can find him easier. They might have the sort of tapes that erase themselves after a month so getting in there now would be beneficial.

Sorry to hear about it, a bit of a nasty incident. Hope it doesn't put you off swimming though. Little ****bag.

mikemac

There will CCTV there so it's not too late
With slips and falls and compo claims, they need cameras

If it's a members gym they'll know who it is and even if it's a public pool could be a regular

Go to the managers office tomorrow, someone will be on duty
Lifeguards and receptionists will only be sending you to management so go straight to there yourself

LindsayLotz wrote: »

Today I was at the swimming pool,

Cameras get wiped though so do it within twenty four hours if you can

FouxDaFaFa

That's terrible, I'm sorry that happened to you. I would love to say I would have torn him a new one but, truth be told, I probably would have done exactly as you did. He was obviously chancing his arm with the security of the water to hide what was going on. You're already in such a vulnerable position as it is (just in a swim-suit) that it's understandable it was a bit of a shock. I would definitely urge you to talk to management about it.

Storminateacup

I'd punch the little shi t clean out, and one would hope he was good at floating because he'd be laid out. How dare he.

Contact the manager of the pool tomorrow, and explain what happened to you. It's definately assault.

Dudess

AG2R wrote: »

Should have kicked the **** out of him.

Storminateacup wrote: »

I'd punch the little shi t clean out, and one would hope he was good at floating because he'd be laid out.

Yes, giving him an excuse to make the OP out to be the unreasonable one, and possible assault counter charges - that'd really do wonders.

I hope you manage to identify him OP.

amacachi

Don't let it go with the swimming pool/management. Try and get on to his parents. You don't know what age he is and I think it's bad to label kids so try the parents route before the law. If it turns out he's 18 or more then get the law involved.

mfceiling

That was no "accident" OP....as the others have said, get on to the management asap and follow this up.

Keep calling them about it (you are not hassling them) - if he did this to you twice, then he has done this before and needs to be stopped NOW.

If this cretin is brave doing this here will he take it outside to a young girl/woman who's walking down the road?

Tell the management that if there is cctv you want to talk to the garda about this.

Mr. CooL ICE

amacachi wrote: »

Don't let it go with the swimming pool/management. Try and get on to his parents. You don't know what age he is and I think it's bad to label kids so try the parents route before the law. If it turns out he's 18 or more then get the law involved.

No. How is the OP supposed to know who the parents are?

It happened on the premises of the swimming pool. Tell the management first and foremost.

PCPhoto

OP... report it to the swimming pool management, report it to the gardai.

at least if they are aware of it they can stop him doing it to others.

if he is not caught he could be on a slippery slope to much bigger crimes*..... if he is willing to grope a lady in a public bath duing the daytime - what will he do to a defenceless young girl if left alone with her ...or to a lonely/drunk woman on her way home after a night out.

this kind of behaviour is not acceptable.

* = I work in the courts so I do understand the possibilities of what this guy could get upto in the future...if he is caught now it might act as a wake up call and he could stop, at best it will make the gardai aware of him.

Rochester

Definitely tell, it is a horrible experience. If he gets away with this he will try it again and possibly do something worse. A nasty experience for you.

Ickle Magoo

Please do not advocate violence as a response on this forum.

Many thanks

Pembily

amacachi wrote: »

Don't let it go with the swimming pool/management. Try and get on to his parents. You don't know what age he is and I think it's bad to label kids so try the parents route before the law. If it turns out he's 18 or more then get the law involved.

No, no, no! Do not do this, his parents will more than likely say no way and label you! He needs to be reprimanded and parents (not all but some) don't do that anymore! Through incident happened in the pool go to the management there! Best of luck.

mrsdewinter

Hi OP, you poor thing - that guy deserves a clip! I can understand your decision to get out of there asap. In a situation like that, nobody wants to get into a confrontation - which is why cretins like him get away with it. Try to follow it up - for your own sake as much as anything else. It's about taking back a little bit of control!

LindsayLotz

Once again, thanks for all your responses. They have so helpful and definitely reassured me that this should not have been allowed to happen.

At the time, I knew it was wrong but self doubt overshadowed me and my gut instinct which is why I didnt do anything about it then.

I am going to the swimming pool today and will mention it to the management. And hopefully I will be able to have a pleasant swim :-)




I live in a city so contacting his parents is not an option as I have no idea who he is. However, I dont think that would be right because he was definitely old enough to know what he was doing and he is responsible.

Thank you all :-)

newmug

LindsayLotz wrote: »

But then a few minutes later, when I was going past him again, he whispered to his friend and definitely pinched my breast again. It made me feel like crap so I just left the swimming pool. I'm only a few years older than he looked so it's not as if he did it to an old woman.

But the thing is, it made me feel like such crap. And I don't know whether I should have mentioned it to a lifeguard or said something to him. I'm not great with words (as you can probably tell!) so I wouldn't have come off great by talking to him cos no matter what he said I would have backed down.

2 things:

1) What difference does it make what age you are? Are you saying it would be somehow less of a bad thing if he did it to an older woman?

2) Dont feel like crap. Please dont:(. You are NOT crap! You're not, you're not, you're NOT! You are a well rounded, solid person who handled that situation perfectly. Now you are continuing to handle it in the right way, by seeking neutral advice. Well done you!



And you're not crap!

LindsayLotz

^^^^

I meant would it be considered a worse thing to happen if it was an older woman seeing as I am nearer the guy's age so he probably thought it was 'fun' or something.

And thank you :-)

amacachi

amacachi wrote: »

Don't let it go with the swimming pool/management. Try and get on to his parents. You don't know what age he is and I think it's bad to label kids so try the parents route before the law. If it turns out he's 18 or more then get the law involved.

Well I don't. He is a little bollix.

OP I hope you're ok. I'm so angry for you. Let us know how you get on today.

LindsayLotz

Well i went to the pool and explained what happened. They were very helpful and understanding so that was good. If there are other complaints, I will be contacted to see if its the same lad. Then its my choice if I want to take further action.

I definitely felt more self - assured about my complaint thanks to all of your responses. I didnt go for a swim though but one step at a time...

Thank you all, you're stars! x

dammitjanet

OP I hope you're really proud of yourself for going back, thats so brave of you! You did the right thing in the situation by not responding and removing yourself from the situation and now if he tried that again on anyone else he'll regret it.
I only learnt to swim in recent years and still am nervous in pools. If that had happened to me I probably would never get back into the water
You really should be so so proud of yourself!!

LindsayLotz

^^^^^

Thank you! I did feel a bit awkward going back but I knew I could never live with the guilt if he did it to someone else or worse. I am definitely not the kind of person who causes a scene and I hate being the centre of attention but all your responses really hit home for me.

I haven't gone swimming yet and I definitely am a lot more conscious about myself now but hopefully it will pass, I really want to learn how to swim better. Someday

parker kent

LindsayLotz wrote: »

I haven't gone swimming yet and I definitely am a lot more conscious about myself now but hopefully it will pass, I really want to learn how to swim better. Someday

Don't let one idiot put you off learning how to swim. What happened was an awful thing to happen and I can understand you being nervous about going back, but you not going will only punish yourself. I really don't like when people end up nervous about doing something because of one or two idiots.

Glad you spoke to management about it.

Ayla

OP - good for you going back & not letting him win. I hope the management takes your comments seriously & that the twirp gets what's coming to him.

That said, I would personally suggest you work on your own confidence. I say that b/c it is likely that he did that to you b/c he sensed that you wouldn't do or say anything directly back (similiar to the bully on the schoolyard mentality). For all any of us know maybe that was the only time the guy's been to that pool and maybe he'll never be back (maybe he was on hols, etc) so he won't receive any recourse for his actions.

I understand the whole "I can't believe this is happening" shock of being in that type of situation, but for your own peace of mind try to work on your own self belief & confidence so that you can stand up to him directly & not allow yourself to become a victim. Reporting to management/guardi is a great idea, but so is standing up for yourself.

LindsayLotz

parker kent wrote: »

I really don't like when people end up nervous about doing something because of one or two idiots.

I know not going back was really stupid, I know I should have went. But I just couldnt. And I really did have the intention of going, I just couldn't face it when I got there.


And yeah I know my confidence has been knocked for six, and it wasn't even the worst thing that could have happened so I shouldn't let it get to me too much. I actually said a few months ago I wish I had the confidence to stand up for myself and this was the perfect opportunity to do so yet I ran away. I'll work on it.

MrStuffins

LindsayLotz wrote: »

I know not going back was really stupid, I know I should have went. But I just couldnt. And I really did have the intention of going, I just couldn't face it when I got there.


And yeah I know my confidence has been knocked for six, and it wasn't even the worst thing that could have happened so I shouldn't let it get to me too much. I actually said a few months ago I wish I had the confidence to stand up for myself and this was the perfect opportunity to do so yet I ran away. I'll work on it.

I don't know why your confidence was knocked. Nothing that happened was as a result of what you did. it was some idiot kid.

In fact, I think you should be proud of yourself and your confidence should be boosted if anything. You reacted to what happened in a calm manner, you took advice here and you went and did something about it.

What you've done is you have stopped this happening to anybody else and made the swimming pool a safer place from dopes looking to do these things to people. We should all be thankful to you for that. As someone whose grown up in a house full of women and is now the guy who is a bit protective of his sisters, I certainly am!

LLU

my sympathies to the OP, it clearly was a very unpleasant experience and I can understand you being upset. But I hope you'd consider having another go at reporting it to the pool management.
(a) it would clear your mind and help you get over it and
(b) this kid needs to be knocked back into line and to learn you simply can't go around doing things like that. A good scare will do him good.
All the best.

TelePaul

What a horrible thing to happen you OP. If you're nervous about going back, can you bring a friend with you?

LeeHoffmann

Can somebody help me understand this a little better? I feel sorry for you OP but why is everybody saying 'that's so horrible' or 'tell the guards'??? I think I must not have understood what happened - a guy pinched her boob, yeah? What's the difference between pinching somebody's boob or their ass? The latter is seen as no big deal. Plus, the guards won't give a crap. (I've been to them twice about harassment but they couldn't care less unless there's some kind of violent assault). OP, I'm not trying to say you did anything wrong - you didn't do anything wrong and I'm glad you've complained to management, I'm just AMAZED :eek: that everybody is taking this so seriously - usually these things are just brushed off like no big deal because they happen all the time. Why is everybody so horrified all of a sudden?

I want to make clear, OP you aren't ''making a big deal out of nothing'', I just can't believe so many people are so sympathetic (I'd expect the usual 'it's no big deal' type of response). I know it's tll but still

LeeHoffmann

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

Can somebody help me understand this a little better? I feel sorry for you OP but why is everybody saying 'that's so horrible' or 'tell the guards'??? I think I must not have understood what happened - a guy pinched her boob, yeah? What's the difference between pinching somebody's boob or their ass? The latter is seen as no big deal.

Really? Not in my world.

listermint

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

Can somebody help me understand this a little better? I feel sorry for you OP but why is everybody saying 'that's so horrible' or 'tell the guards'??? I think I must not have understood what happened - a guy pinched her boob, yeah? What's the difference between pinching somebody's boob or their ass? The latter is seen as no big deal. Plus, the guards won't give a crap. (I've been to them twice about harassment but they couldn't care less unless there's some kind of violent assault). OP, I'm not trying to say you did anything wrong - you didn't do anything wrong and I'm glad you've complained to management, I'm just AMAZED :eek: that everybody is taking this so seriously - usually these things are just brushed off like no big deal because they happen all the time. Why is everybody so horrified all of a sudden?

I want to make clear, OP you aren't ''making a big deal out of nothing'', I just can't believe so many people are so sympathetic (I'd expect the usual 'it's no big deal' type of response). I know it's tll but still

Mate touching the breast of a woman you dont know without any request to do so is wrong. Touching it twice means your a sordid little boll*x who thinks its alright to do that.

Its not alright and if it aint nipped in the bud he could think its alright to get away with other things.

Ickle Magoo

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

Why is everybody so horrified all of a sudden?

I want to make clear, OP you aren't ''making a big deal out of nothing'', I just can't believe so many people are so sympathetic (I'd expect the usual 'it's no big deal' type of response). I know it's tll but still

Seriously? :eek:

It's all about context. A guy roughly my age in a club patting ass, I expect it given that I've chosen to go to a place where such behaviour is likely - annoying but to be expected. A young fella taking advantage of the fact I am vulnerable with few clothes on and in the water getting his jollies grabbing breasts in the local pool - completely out of order. Would it be okay if he was feeling up 10 year old because people feel each other up all the time? Exactly - context is important...

MrStuffins

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

a guy pinched her boob, yeah? What's the difference between pinching somebody's boob or their ass?

Not much, they're both sexual assault!

LeeHoffmann

Would it be okay if he was feeling up 10 year old because people feel each other up all the time? Exactly - context is important...

:rolleyes: now come on, this is silly. I didn't say it was ok. I said that in my experience most people have a 'it's no big deal' attitude when it comes to adults. I never mentioned kids and it's not a fair response.

Mate touching the breast of a woman you dont know without any request to do so is wrong.

Yeah but this kind of thing happens regularly enough without the outcry. Ickle thinks you should expect to be grabbed on the ass in a club -(perhaps she's right), but I don't see being in a swimming pool with other people during the day as more vulnerable than being in a night club with drunk people while you're drinking yourself. Why is it a big deal (according to most people) to grab someone's ass without their permission in a club or on the street at night but it's not a big deal to pinch someone's boob in a busy swimming pool during the day? For the record, I think both aren't ok - but I was under the impression that most people would disagree with me.

MrStuffins

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

:rolleyes: now come on, this is silly. I didn't say it was ok. I said that in my experience most people have a 'it's no big deal' attitude when it comes to adults. I never mentioned kids and it's not a fair response.

So people in your experience just go around sexually assaulting each other and it's no big deal? where are you from exactly?

Yeah but this kind of thing happens regularly enough without the outcry.

Well maybe people are too embarrassed to cry out about it!

Malari

I see where Lee is coming from. I feel like if I discussed this with friends or colleagues in real life they would not think it was such a big deal (however I do), or at least they would be sympathetic but not to the extent of reporting the incident and informing me of my rights. I think it can be this way a lot on Boards (or online forums in general?) that the right and proper way of dealing with something like this and asserting one's rights is promoted much more than it would be if you told someone in real life. I think it's the nature of the type of communication.

Ickle Magoo

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

:rolleyes: now come on, this is silly. I didn't say it was ok. I said that in my experience most people have a 'it's no big deal' attitude when it comes to adults. I never mentioned kids and it's not a fair response.

It is when highlighting inconsistent responses based on the relevant context. For the record I don't think sexually assaulting someone is ever okay but there are certain circumstances under which I would accept a pat on the ass is not worthy (in terms of the outcome - not that the action isn't worthy) of involving the relevant authorities and others where I think it is. As I said, context.

ETA:

Malari wrote: »

I see where Lee is coming from. I feel like if I discussed this with friends or colleagues in real life they would not think it was such a big deal (however I do), or at least they would be sympathetic but not to the extent of reporting the incident and informing me of my rights. I think it can be this way a lot on Boards (or online forums in general?) that the right and proper way of dealing with something like this and asserting one's rights is promoted much more than it would be if you told someone in real life. I think it's the nature of the type of communication.

I dunno - if one of my friends reported being groped/pinched/whatever at the local pool, the first thing I'd suggest is reporting it.

parker kent

LindsayLotz wrote: »

And yeah I know my confidence has been knocked for six, and it wasn't even the worst thing that could have happened so I shouldn't let it get to me too much. I actually said a few months ago I wish I had the confidence to stand up for myself and this was the perfect opportunity to do so yet I ran away. I'll work on it.

It wasn't the worst thing that could happen you, so that is some comfort. But it still did happen, so you are perfectly entitled to feel a bit upset/annoyed etc. It is like somebody feeling depressed and saying that there are people with worse problems in the world. That may be true, but all you can do is deal with your own issues. This was something nasty that happened to you, so it doesn't matter if worse things happen to other people.

Anyway, as you have said yourself confidence is something you are working on. Hopefully there isn't a next time for this type of thing, but you can find some other way to display confidence. Even getting back into the pool will be a small step as you will be getting back on the horse so to speak. Confidence will come with practice.

westies4ever

I'm only seeing this thread now - I worked for years as a life guard in a leisure centre and this type of behaviour is definitely not ok. I came across this a fair bit and it was always taken seriously.

It was always reported to management who immediately banned the perpetrator - further consequences would have been left up to the victim - if they wanted to press charges then the police (this was in the north) were called and on the occasions when they were, they took it seriously as well. A full report was also filled out and kept for future reference.

You did the right thing and have no reason to feel bad - guys like that always disgusted me and it happens more than you think.

LeeHoffmann

So people in your experience just go around sexually assaulting each other and it's no big deal? where are you from exactly?

In my experience, getting groped is not a rare thing. It happens all the time. And people don't usually tell you you should go to the police or authorities about it and they don't all usually say things like 'that's horrible, poor you'. It's seen as a common annoyance, not as a crime, by most people I think. I don't think it's ok at all but this is the attitude I've encountered both irl and online.

Ickle, most people don't see children as a different context but rather as a whole other category. I think there would be far more outcry if it was a child than if it was a woman/man...but this aspect of the discussion is going off-topic or on a strange tangent. I think that the context shouldn't be the deciding factor - grabbing somebody's body in a sexual way isn't ok wherever/whenever it happens IMO. I was just wondering why everybody is so horrified when it happens in a swimming pool but apparently not if it happens in a club- is your answer that it's horrific in one context but not in another?

Well maybe people are too embarrassed to cry out about it!

there's no outcry from other people, was what I was saying - not that the victims aren't crying out

Malari

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I dunno - if one of my friends reported being groped/pinched/whatever at the local pool, the first thing I'd suggest is reporting it.

Me too. I'd be volunteering to go with them. But I'm not sure if my friends would treat it the same way if it was me. It's not a case of being unsympathetic, but they would see the solution as removing yourself from the situation, rather than reporting it. I'd be more outspoken in those situations maybe.