Bertie Ahern is on my flight

Sam Vimes

I'm currently taxiing into Dublin Airport (yeah yeah I know I shouldn't have my phone on yet) and Bertie Ahern is on the flight, up in business class of course.

I have about 15 minutes before we pull in and he's gone so what do AH?

cocoshovel

Call him a scumbag.

I-Shot-Jr

Tell everyone you saw him touching himself and making lewd gestures at air hostesses. Tell the news too.

geeky

B.H.W.T.

Sam Vimes

I-Shot-Jr wrote: »

Tell everyone you saw him touching himself and making lewd gestures at air hostesses. Tell the news too.

And I'm sure I could get half the plane to corroborate the story

PG4000

Ask him if he has a lend of a tenner and promise to pay him back - but don't.

That'll teach him

galwayrush

Be happy OP knowing that you probably helped pay for his flights and expenses through your taxes....;)

Uriel.

Just get off the plane when the doors are open, walk to border control, show your passport, go to the baggage collection, collect your bag and leave the Airport and continue you on to home or wherever you are going.

What else would you be doing? You're not going to say or do anything to Bertie and in anycase why would you?

Get on with your day and your life

GavRedKing

Tap him on the shoulder, smile, punch him in the throat.

MagicMarker

The situation seems pretty clear cut.

Hijack the plane, bring it back up to 30,000 feet and throw him out the fúcking door.

Sam Vimes

Uriel. wrote: »

Just get off the plane when the doors are open, walk to border control, show your passport, go to the baggage collection, collect your bag and leave the Airport and continue you on to home or wherever you are going.

What else would you be doing? You're not going to say or do anything to Bertie and in anycase why would you?

Get on with your day and your life

I actually did speak to him just before boarding. We passed each other in the hall and I nodded to him and said 'Bertie'. But I could tell that he knew I really meant 'You miserable cnut! May all your endeavours end in failure'

galwayrush

MagicMarker wrote: »

The situation seems pretty clear cut.

Hijack the plane, bring it back up to 30,000 feet and throw him out the fúcking door.

Yeah, because forget about trying to get a ransom for the fecker.

Crazy Horse 6

Are criminals allowed in business class?

phasers

as if you'd actually speak to him.

Sam Vimes

MagicMarker wrote: »

The situation seems pretty clear cut.

Hijack the plane, bring it back up to 30,000 feet and throw him out the fúcking door.

I did try to arrange a posse but everyone was engrossed in Transformers on the in flight entertainment

im invisible

So, what did you do OP?

Sam Vimes

im invisible wrote: »

So, what did you do OP?

Other than my greeting that was dripping with obvious malevolent intent, I wussed out

I'm sorry AH, I promise I'll do better next time. I've been watching Dexter recently and it has some really useful ideas for how to deal with someone like that

Napper Hawkins

He did nowt. That's what the Irish do best and why Bertie won't have a sleepless night til the day he dies because he knows the Irish are cowards.

up for anything

Why would people find it so difficult to believe that Sam wouldn't walk up to him/past him, look him in the eye and say, "You sir, are a business class wanker" and walk away with his dignity intact.

On the other hand I would be dragged away by airport police, kicking and screaming abuse at him because I've learned that my bitterness overrides my natural sense of courtesy and good manners and about time too.

Plazaman

The best course of action of course would have been to catch up to him and just say "All the best Mr Haughey" thus comparing him to another crook and also leaving him to think that he has gone from Taoiseach to now a person who's name is forgettable and this will leave him so despondant he will take off to his favourite pub for the afternoon and drink gallons of Bass and then decide to top himself by jumping into the Liffey taking two skangers with him as anchors to weigh him down. A missed opportunity OP.

krudler

steal his in flight peanuts screaming "I'm reclaiming these for Ireland!" that'll show him.

mconigol

Obviously you should have had a whip around among the other passengers and presented it to him as you were getting off.

It's kinda odd how people feel embarrassed saying something to him considering the neck on him!

Fizman

You should have somehow altered the passenger manifest, and scribbled out his name. He would have been in a truck load of trouble then I tell ya.

Failing that, you should have jizzed into your hand, and go over to shake his.

Gummy Panda

Should've thrown your shoe at him while calling him a dog

Saila

shake your fist

Lord Trollington

As a matter of interest where are you flying to and with what Airline.

I call bullsh*t on this thread to be honest.

JerryHandbag

Snake On A Plane

Einhard

Sam Vimes wrote: »

I did try to arrange a posse but everyone was engrossed in Transformers on the in flight entertainment

With Transformers as in-flight entertainment, I'd say he'd be thankful if you hijacked the plane and threw him out the door at 30 000 feet!

s_gr

should have punched the head off the ff wanker!!!

RobAMerc

it doesn't matter what you did or called him the deluded little prick would think you were the odd one out and that everyone else loves him so much he'll be crowned God of Ireland before long !

Yawlboy

you should have asked him why he wasn't running for president

Mountjoy Mugger

Where were ye coming from - Manchester?

Einhard

Saila wrote: »

shake your fist

Didn't a Cork dj get arrested for doing that on a plane recently?

Not sure how it would affect Bertie though, unless the OP was sitting beside/on him at the time!:pac:

steamsey

I saw Bertie as well back in mid September of this year. I was waiting at the gate for a Dublin - JFK flight with Aer Lingus and they called for those who need more time, those with kids and business class passengers to board. Bertie appeared out of nowhere waving his business class boarding card. He was the first person to board the flight. He laughing away with some other guy who was with him. The whole gate was staring at him and you could feel the tension - I was waiting for someone to shout something, but no one did. Then he went through and you could actually feel the moment passing.

I felt bad that I didn't say anything, but if you heckle strangers in the airport, you are unlikely to be allowed to board. I can only assume that everyone else at the gate felt the same way.

That said - one comment would probably have gotten the ball rolling - it would have been great.

RonMexico

Should have passed a bag of vomit up to him and said it was a little digout.

Mr Benevolent

Blast him with piss, hijack the plane, go up to 30000 feet, depressurise and boot him out. Time it so he lands on Enda.

the groutch

steal his passport, hopefully they won't let him back into the country

markesmith

Perform a citizen's arrest

goose2005

shag his bird in the plane toilet

Mal-Adjusted

hmm...FaceKicker, have you any suggestions?

Galtee

Ask him if he has any tips for todays horseracing?

CrazyRabbit

Sit beside him. If the plane crashes, he'll walk away unscathed as he always does. So stick close to him if the plane starts taking a dive.

Badgermonkey

Was on a flight to Heathrow with John O'Donoghue some time back.

We all boarded the bus to whisk us between terminals, by which time big John had completely vanished.

Lumbo

You should have opened a newspaper. Found the story about the Quinn's ripping the country off. Handed the paper to him and said "Here's another story about your mates".

Jimmy444

A pity Gerard Depardieu was not on the flight. He would have known what to do!

http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/ireland/2011/0818/1224302639122.html

Fighting Irish

Ask him why he made most of the country spend too much money, and over extend themselves?

Son Of A Vidic

Sam Vimes wrote: »

I actually did speak to him just before boarding. We passed each other in the hall and I nodded to him and said 'Bertie'. But I could tell that he knew I really meant 'You miserable cnut! May all your endeavours end in failure'

How ridiculous is that? Why would you even greet him when you clearly can't stand him? At least give him the finger to communicate what you really feel ffs.

the purple tin

Buy a bottle of duty free vodka, knock it back as fast as you can and time it so you puke all over him as your walking past his seat.
Do it at the start of the flight so he has to sit there covered in it for longer

DoneDL

Shake his hand and tell him your`e his biggest fan. That will scare the sh*t out of him.

Sam Vimes

Lord Trollington wrote: »

As a matter of interest where are you flying to and with what Airline.

I call bullsh*t on this thread to be honest.

It was an Etihad flight from Abu Dhabi to Dublin and here's the side of the man's head:
[url=https://us.v-cdn.net/6034073/uploads/attachments/44959/177773.jpg[/url]

Wattle

Tell him you've lost everything because of people like him and then ask him to help you commit suicide.