Marriage cert = €150, average Irish wedding cost in a recession= €29,000, why?

Bride2012

I'm getting married in June and wanted a small wedding but I got pressured by family and friends to make it bigger as 'you'll regret it if you don't'. Now I've a big, expensive wedding that I don't really want. I hear of this happening so often, usually parents having their own big guest list. Why do we do it to ourselves in Ireland?

Jaafa

If you cant afford it then I don't see what the dilemma is here. Screw the family if they're trying to make you broke.

ejmaztec

Bride2012 wrote: »

I'm getting married in June and wanted a small wedding but I got pressured by family and friends to make it bigger as 'you'll regret it if you don't'. Now I've a big, expensive wedding that I don't really want. I hear of this happening so often, usually parents having their own big guest list. Why do we do it to ourselves in Ireland?

That's why parents usually get their cheque-books out.

tweedledee

Weddings are all about ego and showing off,it will cost you in the long term.do what makes you both happy not what makes others happy.

MagicMarker

Bride2012 wrote: »

I'm getting married in June and wanted a small wedding but I got pressured by family and friends to make it bigger as 'you'll regret it if you don't'. Now I've a big, expensive wedding that I don't really want. I hear of this happening so often, usually parents having their own big guest list. Why do we do it to ourselves in Ireland?

Maybe think twice about getting married if you still do what your parents tell you?

billybudd

i know, honestly i would rather just have a small wedding and spend the next month staying in various five star hotels throughout the world.

I really think its just a egomania thrill for people.

I always find those old registry office wedding pics where everyone is huddled togeather more romantic than your average disney wedding, there is just something more real, simple and innocent about them.

tell your parents if they want the guest list they can pay for it

Min

Bride2012 wrote: »

I'm getting married in June and wanted a small wedding but I got pressured by family and friends to make it bigger as 'you'll regret it if you don't'. Now I've a big, expensive wedding that I don't really want. I hear of this happening so often, usually parents having their own big guest list. Why do we do it to ourselves in Ireland?

It is the couple's day.

Not your family who won't be paying for what they want rather than what you want.

sunflower27

bluewolf wrote: »

tell your parents if they want the guest list they can pay for it

Exactly. Why start your life off together with a huge debt hanging over you. No way!!! Your parents get their big day out and you end up paying it back for years... it's a no-brainer.

Hobbes

As mentioned. If your family want a huge wedding, have them pay for it. Trust me, you will be kicking yourself for that 29K a few years down the line when you have kid to deal with.

Son Of A Vidic

Who is paying for the wedding OP? I assume it's you and your other half? So if you are, can you not just suit yourselves? The amount of people I know, that look back and regret spending a fortune on a lot of shít that was irrelevant. So if your parents want x,y and z invited, I suggest you work out the costs per head and get them to pay for them accordingly. Or else just tell them to STFU!

Mickey H

Marriage cert = €150, average Irish wedding cost in a recession= €29,000, why?

Tried explaining this to the GF the other day. Let's just say she wasn't amused.

westies4ever

billybudd wrote: »

i know, honestly i would rather just have a small wedding and spend the next month staying in various five star hotels throughout the world.

Exactly what I did - best decision ever! Spent less than €10k all in.

kelle

I had a big wedding (172 guests), cost a fair bit in it's day - however, my Dad paid for the reception, bless him! I wasn't that keen, but I was the only daughter and I knew it was what my parents wanted.

I enjoyed it, but found it tiring as I was on show the whole day - I got SICK of smiling for photographs, trying to make conversations with people then others butting in. If I was getting married now I'd go with a registry office job - less expense and less headache.

But I don't regret it (ie getting married) for one minute

Richard Hillman

Lets keep it real. A wedding is absolutely nothing to do with vows or spending your life together etc. Its all about the female having her big day and a whipped man desperate to pay 30k because he is insecure of her leaving him and is afraid of spending his life alone. If it was about actually being married, a lot more people would be opting for the legal piece of paper.

smash

I don't understand it, I've seen people spend 35-40k and it makes me sick. To borrow that amount is retarded. I got married for just under 10k and had 100 guests. And I didn't have to borrow it. And everyone had a great time.

Bride2012

We're paying for it ourselves, my parents are giving us 2k as a present but want 60 from their list not including relations. At last count the guest list was 260 as we've big families. We may decide to elope; )

Mushy

260?? Do you know all these people? Thats a crazy number.

My mother told me about her wedding. Small, immediate family only affair. Not expensive but no debt after it. Her work colleague, huge wedding, boasting, massive debt. Guess which marriage didnt only last a year?

Icyseanfitz

the money people spend on weddings is fcuking crazy, seems rather backwards to me as well tbh, i mean every other sort of celebration (stuff like birthdays etc.) you have is set up and "generally" paid for by friends and family, why are weddings so different? if it was me id have a small wedding with some close friends family and thats it, go for some class trip around the world or something then

username123

Bride2012 wrote: »

We may decide to elope; )

We did elope. We phoned home afterwards and told everyone. I just couldnt have done a 'traditional irish wedding', nor could he, not our thing at all. We had been planning a registry office do with a small dinner afterwards, maybe 16 people, but the mother in law kept interfering and trying to invite extra people. In the end we just ran off and came home married. Much nicer.

Chriscl1

Tell them to keep the 2k and their 60 pals can **** off too lol. Kind of going through the same thing myself. I told my gf that she can tell her relatives whatever she wants but I ain't having/paying for a day out for people I've never blood met and will probably never see again and that goes for my own side of the family too.

Happyzebra

Omg bride 2012 that's crazy. Please please think of what else you could spend that money on! I bet your mother is used to having things her way?? Just keep in mind that by insisting on this wedding which you clearly do not want your parents are putting their needs above yours.

Why are you allowing yourself to get into debt to meet their needs? What would happen if you said no?

ejmaztec

Bride2012 wrote: »

We're paying for it ourselves, my parents are giving us 2k as a present but want 60 from their list not including relations. At last count the guest list was 260 as we've big families. We may decide to elope; )

Have they no idea at all as to how much it's going to cost, or do they think that you're keeping quiet about a multi-million Euro lotto win?

BluePlanet

I really don't understand the problem.
It's YOUR WEDDING.
Tell your parents to feck off if they don't like it.

beertons

260! Holey moley, and I thought I had a big wedding. 40% won't go, they have excuses made. Offer the parents 5 couples to invite each. That's 10 people with partners. No second cousins, and no relatives abroad. They'll thank you for the expense you've spared them. I blanked my parents for 3 months before my wedding, told them nothing.

Bride2012

We do know them all, we've, 14 uncles, 9 aunts and 58 first cousins between us and then add partners. Then our friends and colleagues and then our parents' friends and colleagues. I just need to find a line.

YouTookMyName

Book a week in Rome and get married there.

Simon Adebisi

If it was up to the bloke id say most weddings wouldn't go past a grand in price with maybe 20 or so people at the whole thing. Women and their unrealistic barbie fantasies are mostly to blame.

Bride2012

Simon Adebisi wrote: »

If it was up to the bloke id say most weddings wouldn't go past a grand in price with maybe 20 or so people at the whole thing. Women and their unrealistic barbie fantasies are mostly to blame.

I'm a girl and don't want it.

4leto

You will find if you opt for a smaller ceremony people will understand, people will enjoy it no more or no less.

I come from a big family and a bigger extended family, plus with my job and friends. I don't exaggerate when I say I was at at least 50 weddings. Some elaborate and expensive and some budget and cheap.

I can assure you there is little difference in the enjoyment factor between the expensive impressive ones as compared to the small and budget ones. You may have heard the saying it is not were you go, but who you go with is the important factor.

As I type this I am thinking of the best wedding I was at and it was my best friends one in a GAA club with a carvery. it was just the crowd and the atmosphere that made it.

The worse ones I was at, I think, was the ones in the expensive hotel in the country which usually cost a fortune for the couple and the guests, everyone is silently aware that Jaysus this day, with a jacked up hotel acc and its usually 2 to 3 nights acc, plus the extras of eating and drinking, is costing me 1000 euros+.

So I would advise anyone just to go for the simple ceremony, and start your life together with less debt.

You will find the day will pass, and the wedding will be quickly forgotten about and you will remain.

Good luck and congratulations.

Caraville

Richard Hillman wrote: »

Lets keep it real. A wedding is absolutely nothing to do with vows or spending your life together etc. Its all about the female having her big day and a whipped man desperate to pay 30k because he is insecure of her leaving him and is afraid of spending his life alone. If it was about actually being married, a lot more people would be opting for the legal piece of paper.

Here buddy, don't go tarring all females with that brush of yours! I have zero interest in a big huge/fancy wedding- I used to think it'd be what I'd like though. When I was younger, say college age, I used to think that a massive wedding would be brilliant, like a big party.

But in the last 10 years I've been to SO many weddings and the more I go to, the more I realise that all the frills aren't for me. I would like to have some of the traditional things, like get married in a church and get a nice (but not expensive) dress. To be honest, the church part would be the most important part for me, as that's when you actually get married.

A friend of mine is getting married in a few weeks and she was talking about getting the flowers to match the bridesmaids' dresses but that the dresses needed to go with the men's cravates and all that crap. Fair enough if it's what you're into, but I know I and a few of my other friends (girls) don't want any of that. Just seems pointless to me, no one even remembers that stuff!

tassajara

There were six people at my parents' wedding, including my parents and the priest. The wedding photos look romantic and my parents look so happy. Fast-forward 29 years, most brides and grooms I see look stressed out during their wedding day with the hassle of entertaining so many people.

So no, no big wedding for me. I couldn't handle the pressure! I'm a woman and I know I'm not the exception to the rule from several of my friends who either don't want to get married or just want a small do.

Gee Bag

Hobbes wrote: »

. Trust me, you will be kicking yourself for that 29K a few years down the line when you have kid to deal with.

You'll get more satisfaction if you kick the the kids instead

starlit

You serious? You can have a lovely wedding that wouldn't cost so much! nearly €30,000 that's crazy. You buy two or three cars for that much or furnish a whole room/house.

There is such a thing spending wisely that doesn't necessary have too look like a cheap wedding. and not necessary break the bank, Improvise!

If I were getting married in all honestly I be spending no more than 5k like! I wouldn't want a massive wedding a small one at that. I wouldn't have more than 100 people at it at least anyway.

You can do a lot more and be creative with less money like!? Why spend that much for one day when you could spend that kind of money on something of more value and worthwhile that will last longer than a day like!

Kids can be expensive too! Better to save money than waste it on something meaningless that only lasts a day. A Wedding is one day a marriage is forver and for life and lasts longer than a day!

Mike 1972

YouTookMyName wrote: »

Book a week in Rome and get married there.

Dont assume the OP is Catholic

YouTookMyName wrote: »

Book a week in Rome Las Vegas and get married there.

FYP (Assuming OP is into gaudy/tacky stuff)

YouTookMyName

Mike 1972 wrote: »

Dont assume the OP is Catholic



FYP (Assuming OP is into gaudy/tacky stuff)

Book a week where you won't have to look at any cunts you don't want to talk to and get married there.

duchalla

got married 2 years ago, 292 people sat down for the meal, (Kerry wedding!), bill came to €21,000, covered the cost of the wedding with cash presents, even had couple of grand left over for the honeymoon!

ringadingding

We have huge families, My wife and I booked everything and only told people the week before, so was only us and a few close friends and family members.
Was a lovely, stress free day with a lovely meal and smiles.

My brother and his fiancee just decided spur of the moment in Vegas, came back and told us.

Suited us, our wives were not into the big day, we both had no debts afterwards and went on lovely honeymoons.

But if somebody wants to spend 30k on a wedding, fair play to them, i'd rather spend it on a nice car, horses for courses.

Bride2012

duchalla wrote: »

got married 2 years ago, 292 people sat down for the meal, (Kerry wedding!), bill came to €21,000, covered the cost of the wedding with cash presents, even had couple of grand left over for the honeymoon!

€21,000 for 292! Fair play to you!

Bride2012

This is where the €29,000 average came from, it does add up.

http://www.mrs2be.ie/newsworthy/some-wedding-stats-from-irish-wedding-survey-2011/

Mike 1972

duchalla wrote: »

got married 2 years ago, 292 people sat down for the meal, (Kerry wedding!), bill came to €21,000, covered the cost of the wedding with cash presents, even had couple of grand left over for the honeymoon!

At the risk of being told to go and feck myself I believe this was the subject of another recent thread where the general consensus was somewhat unfavorable

duchalla

Mike1972, I'm new to boards, not trying to offend anyone, just telling my experience is all!

ElleEm

Bride2012 wrote: »

We do know them all, we've, 14 uncles, 9 aunts and 58 first cousins between us and then add partners. Then our friends and colleagues and then our parents' friends and colleagues. I just need to find a line.

Myself and my partner have more than that many aunts, uncles and cousins between us, so won't be inviting any of them. There are just too many. I just think, would you ordinarily invite these people out for dinner? If not, then why would you invite them to your wedding?

I also think if someone is not in your daily/ weekly/ monthly life, then they don't need to be invited to a very special day for you and your partner.

You surely cannot enjoy a day with your family and friends if you have to spend most of it saying hi to 200+ people you don't know that well/ haven't seen in years. Invite the people you would like to spend the day with.

ringadingding wrote: »

We have huge families, My wife and I booked everything and only told people the week before, so was only us and a few close friends and family members.
Was a lovely, stress free day with a lovely meal and smiles.

My brother and his fiancee just decided spur of the moment in Vegas, came back and told us.

Suited us, our wives were not into the big day, we both had no debts afterwards and went on lovely honeymoons.

But if somebody wants to spend 30k on a wedding, fair play to them, i'd rather spend it on a nice car, horses for courses.

This sounds wonderful to me!

4leto

Its kind of refreshing to hear, that a bride is concerned that her wedding is going to OTT.

In all the wedding I was at and that is loads, I always felt it was solely the brides day, the hubby and the family just went along with her wishes.

And if you choose it to be cheaper, I guarantee the hubby and family will go along with your wishes.

krudler

weddings do tend to spiral out of control once families stick their oar in , "hey its a big day, so cripple yourself financially for the first few years of your new marriage, do it in style!"

If I ever got married a registry office, fun afters do and spend the money on a savage honeymoon would be the way to go. 29 grand is absolutely insane money to spend on whats essentially a party for your relatives who will bitch about things you should have done difference, women can turn into such cows at other peoples weddings, slagging off the dress, the napkins, blah blah, was at one last year and couldnt believe how bitchy some of the "dont make much of the..." comments about the brides choices were.

Logical Fallacy

4leto wrote: »

Its kind of refreshing to hear, that a bride is concerned that her wedding is going to OTT.

In all the wedding I was at and that is loads, I always felt it was solely the brides day, the hubby and the family just went along with her wishes.

And if you choose it to be cheaper, I guarantee the hubby and family will go along with your wishes.

When a mate of mine got married his bride to be wanted a small wedding but he was adamant that he wanted a big day.

So we all pitched in and got him a lovely wedding dress.

amacca

krudler wrote: »

weddings do tend to spiral out of control once families stick their oar in , "hey its a big day, so cripple yourself financially for the first few years of your new marriage, do it in style!"

If I ever got married a registry office, fun afters do and spend the money on a savage honeymoon would be the way to go. 29 grand is absolutely insane money to spend on whats essentially a party for your relatives who will bitch about things you should have done difference, women can turn into such cows at other peoples weddings, slagging off the dress, the napkins, blah blah, was at one last year and couldnt believe how bitchy some of the "dont make much of the..." comments about the brides choices were.

agreed

29K for one day is stupid.......tradition...pressure....the couple or one of them wanting that fairytale and the other giving in...its often not even an enjoyable day for the couple.

ceadaoin.

Bride2012 wrote: »

I'm a girl and don't want it.

Why do people think that all women want a huge 'fairytale' wedding? A wedding like that would be my idea of hell. We haven't got down to planning the details or anything yet, but myself and my fiance would rather elope and have a small do (as in a meal in a restaurant followed by the pub) when we get back.

OP if you really don't want it then you need to put your foot down! It's you and your partners day, not your parents. You want to have happy memories of your wedding day, not to look back and cringe about how much money you spent. Not to mention the amount of time spent making small talk with people you hardly see from one end of the year to the next.

Abi

Bride2012 wrote: »

I'm getting married in June and wanted a small wedding but I got pressured by family and friends to make it bigger as 'you'll regret it if you don't'. Now I've a big, expensive wedding that I don't really want. I hear of this happening so often, usually parents having their own big guest list. Why do we do it to ourselves in Ireland?

You're not. You're being forced into it.


If you don't want a big wedding, and would prefer a smaller event, why the hell are you listening to anyone else? Tell your parents they should have a second wedding if they're so keen on a big one, but this is yours and your husband-to-be's day. You draw up a list of people you both want there, and dont let anyone add to it.

Mike 1972

4leto wrote: »

In all the wedding I was at and that is loads, I always felt it was solely the brides day, the hubby and the family just went along with her wishes.

Evidently its the other way around ?

krudler

Abi wrote: »

You're not. You're being forced into it.


If you don't want a big wedding, and would prefer a smaller event, why the hell are you listening to anyone else? Tell your parents they should have a second wedding if they're so keen on a big one, but this is yours and your husband-to-be's day. You draw up a list of people you both want there, and dont let anyone add to it.

this post makes sense, an alien concept in this country when it comes to these things.

also the "I didnt want 20 grand wedding but daddy paid for it so then it was ok" thing is sickening. if your parents help you out or loan you something fine, but letting them pay a fortune for a wedding then acting like you had no choice? madness.